Chapter Text
Riou Mason Bujusima has always wanted a soulmate since he was a child. It might not show on the child’s face, since he never expresses discomfort nor his dislikes nor anything at all, which his busy parents took as him being a good and patient son. They never would’ve thought that the boys were actually lonely to the bone. The moment he saw one of his friends at first grade had a red string on one of their fingers and knew what they meant, it was the only thing he obsessed about.
They said not all the people had red strings on their skin, some say the red strings came in late since their soulmate wasn’t born yet, Riou had prayed it would be the latter. When their soulmates are near, a red line that could only be seen by them would be connected to the line on their skin. They also say that soulmates could see scars on their bodies where their soulmate was hurt, but it was still a superstition since it can only be seen by the pair.
He waited and waited until he’s twelve years old and begun to feel hopeless.
That summer vacation, he learned that he had a grandfather from his mother’s side. He never went to Japan before, but he knew the language from his mother. Riou was bilingual, though his Japanese is not as fluent as his English since he’s born and raised in America.
Riou doesn’t know why they can’t mention this sooner, he would’ve begged them to take them to Japan every vacation. He loved his parents, but it’s lonely at home. He’s excited and nervous at the same time, but just like usual, his mother that sits beside him didn’t even realize as her eyes glued to the screen of her laptop. He wished his grandpa is a nice person.
And he was not nice, he was the best!
Grandpa Tomoki showered him with attention and cool stories of his Navy days, the gruesome stories of war, and toys he played as a child. Japan is beautiful, especially where Grandpa Tomoki lives, so different from America’s busy city, Grandpa lived in a village near the sea. Where the roads built on the side of the valleys, and the kids play so freely.
He was overwhelmed at first, people are so friendly, the old folks pinch his cheeks while the younger ones stare so blatantly for behind the fence of his house. But Grandpa was there to introduce everyone to him, the neighbors and their kids. Turns out all Riou needs were their names, he wasn’t used to being around strangers when he lived in the apartment.
For once Riou didn’t feel lonely. He played with the neighborhood kids till dawn, exploring the woods and experience the beach for the first time. At night, he would eat home-cooked meals with his grandpa and listen to his exploding stories till he slept.
One day he was sitting by the porch at the back of the house that faced the woods, he was told by his grandpa that there would be fireflies at this time of the year. As soon as the night deepens, they really show, like stars in his grasp and for once, Riou smiled.
“Ahhh there it is, that smile.” His grandpa patted his strawberry blonde hair.
“Do you want me to smile for you grandpa?” He asked because he would if it made his idol happy.
“Only if you’re happy enough to smile.”
“But I’ve always been happy when I’m here!”
His grandpa hums thoughtfully, “I wouldn’t have known boy…you’re a quiet and stoic one aren't ya?” he wetly laughed, but Riou didn’t take that positively, thinking he’s done wrong.
“Don’t frown kiddo! C’mere, there’s nothing wrong with ya.” Grandpa Tomoki patted the space beside him and Riou hops to sit on the porch and scoots closer.
“You know there’s nothing wrong with ya? It’s okay to cry or be angry or laugh out loud till the whole earth hears ya, like this!” Grandpa Tomoki knocks his bald head back and laughs out loud till the fireflies fly around hectically.
“But if you don’t wanna do all that, it’s okay too, just be happy Riou.” His Grandpa wrapped his arm around his tiny shoulder and Riou wrap around both of his on his grandpa’s torso.
“Then what if I feel lonely?” Riou questioned, that seems to make his Grandpa gapes.
“Oh kiddo, you feel lonely at your home?”
Riou nods.
“Wants me to say that to your parents, maybe they’ll accompany you more?”
Riou seems to be deep in thought, then he shook his head.
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
“You’re their son! You’ll never be a burden.”
“It’s okay Grandpa… I just wished I had a soulmate.”
“Oh? Perhaps you might.”
Riou shook his head again a bit harder, “I’m already 12, even if they’re born now, I’ll be too old for them… and maybe… maybe I’ll never have one.” Riou slumps frowning deep, “Am I going to feel alone forever?”
“Sush now kiddo! That’s no way how to see things, Soulmates aren’t important, what’s important is that you’re loved, and you love someone enough to marry them and stick together.”
“Mom and dad loved each other, but I never see them together nowadays. Isn’t that because they’re not soulmates?”
His grandpa visually perplexed at how sharp his grandson is, but Riou was not done.
“I don’t want that grandpa, I want someone that belongs to me, that is mine, so they’ll never leave me.” Riou balled his tiny hands on his lap, frowning and seemingly holding back a tear.
“Oh Riou…” Grandpa Tomoki patted his head, and like a burst dam, Riou wailed and cried.
His little hands on both his eyes, trying to hold it in, yet once he screamed, he can’t seem to stop. Unlike his prediction, his grandpa didn’t scold him for crying, but engulf him in a hug until he calmed down.
“Lemme tell ya a lil something about your grandmother…” grandpa Tomoki said after Riou has quiet down to the sniffles, “She was the love of my life, 60 years of life with her has been the best days of my life.” Riou didn’t react.
“And she wasn’t even my soulmate.” Grandpa continued, and Riou’s head snaps up in an instant, his bright sky blue eyes wide in cuRiousity.
His Grandpa extended his hand and on top of his wrinkled skin of his finger was a red string.
“Why marry Grandma if you have a soulmate? Your soulmate could still be out there!” Riou eyed his grandpa like he has seen something wild, and the older man chuckled.
“I don’t want ‘em, can’t you see boy? Soulmates don’t determine happiness, she could appear before my eyes right now and I would still love your grandma more. Soulmates or not, I don’t care, I make my own destiny! And my gut tells me that I will never find anyone better than your grandma.”
Riou’s eyes went wide, amazed at his grandpa’s bold statement. For a moment, Grandpa Tomoki looks so cool, until he was reminded of something.
“But… mom and dad…”
“Grandpa Tomoki sighed dejectedly, “Maybe your mom and dad just didn’t love each other like they used to, love got like that sometimes, BUT some love is forever, could be even stronger than a bond to a soulmate.”
“How about you grandpa?”
“Hm?”
Riou hesitated for a while, before clutching his Grandpa’s kimono, “Grandpa… You’ll love me forever won’t you?”
“Riou… of course! And I bet your Grandma is looking down on us and loved you just as much.” the old man pinched his cheeks and kisses his forehead, and Riou for once accepts the pinch happily, “Tell you what? I have something for you.”
Grandpa Tomoki walked back into the house and returned with something made of metal in his hand. Riou knew it was a necklace when Grandpa Tomoki put it on him.
“That’s my dog tag back when I’m serving, your grandma loved it, now I’m giving it to you, so when you feel lonely, just remember I’m here thinking about you, and I love you so much boy.”
Riou held the dog tag in his hand, looks surprisingly worried, “But, won't grandma still needs it? won't you? Isn’t this precious?”
“It is, how about like this… When you found love yourself, you could give it back to us.”
Riou satisfied with the answer, and nods cheerfully.
With that, ended the best summer he ever had.
As soon as he returned to his apartment, his parents are at the same table with him, which is a rare sight. They almost never eat together like this before.
“Riou, I want you to listen carefully, your father and I are getting a divorce.” His mother started, “And I hope you understand.”
His mother explains what would happen for here on out, and his father didn’t even look at him in the eye. They would not be husband and wife anymore, and they have to separate, they asked Riou who would he liked to follow.
Riou didn’t know, completely clueless, his eyes look at his father and mother back and forth until he finally settles with.
“I wanna go with whoever wants me.”
None of them said a thing.
In the end, Riou went with his mother, and it felt like nothing has changed. He always comes back home alone, his mom didn’t say anything when she got back. When they’re on the same space, they barely said anything to each other as well.
He was 14 when he woke up one day and when he washed his face, he thought he was bleeding. He washed his hand but the blood won't come off, not until he truly focused on his hand, he saw the red string on his ring finger.
Riou was stunned, completely frozen, then he ran frantically to his room. The first thing he did is mark the calendar, he didn’t know if his soulmate was just born or just destined to be with him, but it was his first instinct. With heart pounding and face flushed red, Riou found himself smiling to himself. He brought his hand to his chest and pressed them there as he felt the warmth that grows there.
A soulmate, someone out there is destined to be with him. His eyes went back to the red line and he smiled, hoping his soulmate won't feel the loneliness he felt for the years without them. Riou wished nothing but happiness for his soulmate.
++++++
Saburo was born with a red string on his little baby finger. It was a given how everyone envies him, with the exceptions of his brothers, who just like him, born with the red string also. His oldest brother Ichiro used to be inseparable from his soulmate. Then something happened, the dude became a yakuza and it shatters whatever they had before, and it worries Saburo to no end. His second brother, Jiro, is no problem, he met his soulmate when she went on a vacation to Ikebukuro and now they’re on a long-distance relationship.
But Saburo? No, he hasn’t met his soulmate yet, and he’s not looking forward to them. Seeing the example around him, meeting your soulmate doesn’t guarantee happiness. Ichi-nii always fights with a bloody fist with his soulmate, Jiro-Nii fights with his girlfriend often because they’re far away, mom and dad were soulmates, but mom died when Saburo was born. His brothers cheered him up at the nights when their dad snaps at Saburo, saying dad wasn’t usually like this. What could Saburo do about that? Nothing.
Ichi-nii raised him more than his dad that often went to business trips. Jiro-nii is a bit rough and cold but he shows his love in subtle ways.
Saburo always has scars around his body that he didn’t felt because it doesn’t hurt. He asked his brother about it, and they said it’s because he’s a child and rowdy. When he’s 10 he knew it was not caused by him, he woke up one day with holes on his shoulder, it’s not painful but it’s scary.
“ICHI-NII ICHI-NII ICHI-NII WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO.” He barged to his brother’s bedroom that morning and woke him up.
Ichiro woke up with worry, “What? What is it?”
“I’m hurt! Look!” Saburo yanks the collar of his shirt to the side pointed at his tiny shoulder.
Ichiro blinks, confused, “I didn’t see anything.”
“Ichi-niiiii I’m not lying! It doesn’t feel painful but it’s deep.”
A pair of hands landed on his shoulder and patted calmly, “I trust you Saburo, but I don’t think the wound is yours.”
“What do you mean?” Saburo tilted his head.
“It’s your soulmates, I heard you could see your soulmate’s wound on your body, but only you. Don’t worry, it’ll disappear when it heals.”
Saburo wasn’t amused, he frowned even deeper, “What if it never heals?” Ichirou was stunned by his little brother’s question, “What if she died? The wound is so deep Ichi-nii…”
He traced the wound on his shoulder, deep in thought, and Ichiro didn’t let him do that too long.
“Hey now… don’t be thinking like that.” Ichiro takes his hand to show him the red line on his fingers, “See? As long as the red line is there, your soulmate is still alive.”
Saburo nods, even though it wasn’t really his worry. All he wanted for his soulmate was that if they’re okay, and the wounds worry him even though he knew he shouldn’t. He didn’t know his soulmate at all, is it a boy or a girl, where they are, how old or what their dreams are… or their favorite food, or if they even would like Saburo back.
“I just wished I get to meet them first.”
The wish didn’t last long. Time passed, and life goes on. His father left because of who knows what. He just said, ‘I won’t be returning from now on.’ and left them with their aunt and uncle. The only reminicense of him was the things he left behind and monthly fees for their schools and spending money.
Saburo would still get severe wounds all over his body. Shots in his abdomen, cuts on his side and back, one day his right foot went completely dark blue from the knee down and there are harsh lines around his knee that went completely around, that one is the slowest to heal. Saburo cringed, must’ve been painful for his soulmate. Each major wound made Saburo looks back to the string in his finger, and it’s still there no matter what.
It made Saburo wanted to meet the person sooner, he wanted to know what made him so strong, what made him live.
“Ichi-nii!!! I’m going out with friends!!”
“You have friends?” Jiro looks up from his phone.
“Unlike you, I have actual friends IRL.”
“Shut your know-it-all trap before I shut it fo--”
“Oi oi! No fighting!” Ichi-nii pops out from his room, “Ok Saburo, don’t forget to text auntie too.” He ruffled his head, and Saburo smiles, nodding.
He barely steps outside and spots another annoyance today right after his brother Jiro. A man that he thought he’ll never see again and hoped just to die on the streets. Cigarette hanging on his lips and hip leaning on the brick fence.
“What are you doing here?” Saburo hissed.
The white-haired man turned around, smiling like an evil man he is.
“I’m here for my soulmate.” He sneers.
“There’s no fucking way I’m letting you meet Ichi-Nii! Get outta here Yakuza scum!” Saburo shouted, loud enough for his brother to come out.
“Hey, what’s going…” Ichiro froze when he saw who Saburo was talking to.
“Ichi-Nii, get back inside! Jiro-nii!” Saburo called for back up, and now there’s a second pair of heterochromia eyes glaring at the man standing by the fence.
While Jiro ushered his niichan back inside, Saburo with the bravery bigger than his 14-year-old self, glared at the man way taller and older than him.
“I don’t care if you’re Ichi-nii’s soulmate, what kind of soulmate hurts their pair!”
“Tsk, don’t meddle in our business brat! You’re just a kid, what do you know?”
“I know violence when I see one! Don’t you think it’s enough already? Even your men came to him and—”
“Saburo!” His Ichi-Nii shouts, he looks back and his oldest brother have Jiro-Nii’s on a headlock.
“What? What did my men do? I would never—”
Jiro snaps, “Oh I tell you what they did—”
“Stop! Not you too Jiro.” Ichiro walked passed him.
“No Ichi-nii!” Saburo has his arms around his oldest brother, “You can’t be seen with him!”
“I agree with the little brat this time, c’mon niichan, before they see you together.” Jiro grabbed Ichiro by the hand and pulls them in.
“For fuck sake let go of me! Both of you enough!” Ichiro scolded, and both of the younger brothers look at him in total disbelieve.
“Snap out of it niichan! Can’t you see he’s dangerous—”
“Enough!” Their brother screamed this time, both of them, even his soulmate, frozen in place.
“Stop Ichi-nii…I don’t trust him.”
“I do.” Ichiro said sternly at Saburo.
Saburo grumbles, “Fine! Be that way!” and he stomps away before he gets too far he hears Jiro -nii saying “Whatever.” before storming out on the other way from Saburo.
And Ichi-nii saying “Let’s talk inside Samatoki.”
Saburo huffed, pressing his eyes shut, he’s too old to be crying. He gritted his teeth, feeling overwhelmed at what just happened, which is a good timing in where he’s heading today.
The Ikebukuro Counseling Centre is on a walking distance, and Saburo arrived with a calmer stance but a still heavy heart. He knows the receptionist in today’s shift and greets her.
“Jasmine!”
The female behind the receptionist desk look up and smile when her eyes meet Saburo’s mismatched eyes.
“Saburo! Good to see you!”
“You too! I have an appointment with Dr. Kazami today, he’s ready?”
Jasmine fixed her glasses and looks on the screen on her computer, “I’m sorry, he still has an urgent patient, but I’ll give him a notice that you’re coming.”
Saburo cursed to himself, “Okay, I’ll wait outside.”
Stomping his way down the hallway, he found Dr. Kazami’s office and sit on the waiting bench provided outside of the room. He immediately pulls up his phone to text Jiro.
‘Where u at?’
‘I snuck back home, they’re not yelling this time.’
For once he felt grateful for this niichan, ‘You heard what they’re talking about?’
‘Barely, I’m by the window, but I got it on record.’
‘Tell me if things go south, I’ll bring the cops.’
‘k’
Saburo huffed as he tucked his phone back to his jacket’s pocket. If only he didn’t need it and haven’t made an appointment he would’ve stayed back. Combing his hair back and grip them tightly, he tried to breathe and calm down. He hated that Samatoki, to think he used to be cool, damn him.
Saburo opened his eyes that he didn’t realize he was closing. His particular strand of hair seems different than the other, he went to get it and realized it was not his hair, it was coming from the string on his finger.
Saburo jumps up, breathing heavily in excitement yet at the same time nervous. They’re here, his soulmate, and finally, he’ll know who outlive those wounds.
Quick on his feet, Saburo followed the thread, they could’ve been in this building. Do they need help? Of course, maybe the scar is more than physical?
After following on what it feels like a few minutes, the thread finally leads to an opened door. There’s a standing banner that said ‘Ex Military Support group’.
“Military…” Saburo mused, that would explain all the wounds.
Saburo peeked at the sides of the door, and saw a few men and woman sitting in circled formation. It seems that not all of them are Japanese judging from the variety of hair and face. His thread leads right in the middle of the circle, it’s one of them and Saburo could wait before he could meet them. He’s a nervous wreck, he knew he’s eager to see them, could you really blame him for being nervous?
One of them the one that has his back on him was talking at the moment. Saburo doesn’t want to intrude and opted to stay hidden and listen the man currently talking
“… and so despite serving in the US, I feel drawn here to Japan. My Grandpa said this after I told him I’m enlisting, ‘A soldier leaves the war, but the war never leaves the soldier’, I understood it was a warning from him, to let me know what I was getting into… I served for 8 years in Afghanistan before I had to retire 6 months ago. My grandpa was right, the war never left me, I could still hear them at night, sometimes I thought I swear I woke up to a bomb siren. I regret nothing… the only thing that kept me strong was…” the man looks down on his lap then it seems as if he was frozen.
In an instant and quick gesture, the man stood up and turn around. Right at that moment, their eyes meet, Saburo felt like the eyes of the foreigner stabs him in the heart. Only a few seconds later he realized he could see the red strings from that blond-haired man was led to him.
That was him, his soulmate, a mountain of a soldier, a grown up. How? Why would fate paired him with someone so mature to him? He would never admit it in front of his niichans but… he’s just a child. He could see it in the soldier’s eyes that gone wide, Saburo has seen it so many times in his dad’s eyes, disappointment.
Saburo doesn’t understand, let alone could accept it. So he turned around and walk away, not too far though, just plop his but at the nearest bench.
He stares down his hand and sees the thread moving, and soon, a pair of combat boots entered his vision. He looks up, and of course it was him, his soulmate, even from his sitting position he knew this guy is way taller than he is. Standing with all that bulk and shoulders that he bets twice as wide as his pubescent one.
All that bulk and height that screamed menace, completed with a pair of the prettiest light blue eyes he had ever seen, like seeing up to the sky on a clear sunny day. Maybe it’s his calm demeanor that made him not as nervous despite him towering like an intimidating mass of power.
“May I sit beside you?” the foreign man asked in perfect Japanese, and Saburo nods.
He sits beside him, just as tense as Saburo and looking away all the same.
“I’m Riou, Riou Mason Busujima, good to meet you.” The man introduced himself with his deep voice, a little deeper than Saburo ever heard.
“S-Saburo Yamada.” He stutters and immediately flushed and embarrassed.
Why is he acting all cowardly? Yes, his soulmate is a foreigner and probably WAY older than him with intimidating deep voice and a retired soldier that has probably killed people… okay, he can see why he’s nervous, but Saburo Yamada is no coward!
He straightened his back and face his mature soulmate in the eyes, ignoring the leaps his heart made when his Riou’s eyes met his.
“So, your middle name is Mason? Not a Japanese name, and you don’t look Japanese either, but you’re so fluent!” Saburo felt he wanted to slap himself, isn’t that already obvious??
“Yes, my mother is Japanese, but my father is American and I lived most of my life there, and a few summer vacations in Hokkaido.” Riou explained with a slightly amused smile on his face.
After that, Saburo found himself muted, he didn’t know what else to say…until he says his feet completely covered in his dark grey jeans, and Saburo realized what he wanted to say all this time.
“Your leg!” Saburo exclaimed a little louder than he predicted, but the soldier wasn’t alarmed, and kept his stoic and stiff expression, “What happened to your leg? A few months ago it went completely black from the knee down on my end.”
Riou, seemingly amused by Saburo enthusiasm, showed him his right leg right away. Saburo’s eyes went wide when he saw a prosthetic leg there instead of a real one.
“This is why I have to retire.”
Saburo just hums understandingly, searching for the question he stored for his soulmate.
“How… How are you so strong? Isn’t it hurt? How could you live through war?”
Riou takes a deep breath while rubbing his palms together, “Would you believe me if I said it was you?”
Saburo blinks “Huh?”
“Ever since I was your age, I’ve always wanted a soulmate, no matter what. When I finally get the mark, I was elated. The thought that I’m not alone, someone is there for me, it kept my spirit up, I wanted to find that person and say thank you, for saving my life.” He said sincerely with eyes straight to his without wavering.
Saburo felt his face blush, that was so heartfelt… a-and cheesy! And he said that like he meant it and so shamelessly! “I did nothing to help you! I just exist!”
“Yet you’re perfect Saburo, just by existing.”
He could feel his breath stuck on his throat, no one has said that to him. Everyone has a flaw, maybe just because Riou didn’t know…
“Are you okay now Riou?”
“What do you mean?”
“The scars, and you’re on a support group… are you okay?”
Riou was touched by the concern, “I am.”
“But you said the war never left the soldier.” And Saburo knows exactly what the saying meant.
Amused and impressed, Riou gave in and sighed, “I’m fine most days… ASD, one of the types of PTSD, most of the soldiers have them, and I am no exception, but I’m getting help, and I’m working on getting better.”
Saburo nods, satisfied with the answer.
“What about you?” Riou asked this time, catching Saburo off guard, “What session are you having?”
Saburo opened his mouth almost spilling the truth, how can’t he under those honest eyes? But maybe not now, not today.
“Hey, it’s not wrong to get a professional Counseling sessions! Even I have troubles too that are beyond my understanding, and I’d like to handle them correctly!” Saburo crossed his arms and heads tilted up, trying to stand above the taller man, to no avail, but at least he felt that way.
Riou didn’t smile at all, his eyes concerned, “I didn’t say it’s wrong, but don’t you need more than a counselor? Perhaps a psychologist?”
Saburo frowned, feeling he was just punched in the gut, did he know?
“You could see my wounds, I could see yours too Saburo, I could tell the difference between mine and yours, and I know if it’s done by someone else or not.”
Another jab on his gut, Saburo felt his hands are shaking, he held onto his elbows tightly. Cold chills run on his back. Biting his trembling lips until it stops, Saburo quietly takes in a deep breath and held his head up to hold his pride.
“So?” Saburo made a bold move to stare down Riou on the eye, instant regret, “You’re disappointed? Your soulmate is an angsty emo teen.”
Riou furrowed his eyebrows, “Disappointed? I—”
“I knew that look!” Saburo said defensively, “The way you look at me when you saw me at the end of your thread, I knew that look anywhere, that look of disappointment.”
“I never intended to look as you assume I look, nor do I feel disappointed.”
“Then why did you look at me like that!” Saburo clenched his fist on top of his lap, now feeling angry because he refuses to feel unwanted.
“Like what? Look at me now, would you still think I look disappointed at you.”
No, he didn’t. Damn him, Saburo knew what he saw…
“I wanted to hug you when I saw the cuts on my arms and legs are showing… but when I finally met you… you’re still a child, it’ll be inappropriate if I touched you while having romantic feelings. I was conflicted.”
“R-romantic…” Gosh this man is weird! So shamelessly admits things like that so openly.
“So, no, I am not disappointed at all, haven’t I made it clear that you’re perfect? I know you’ve seen flaws in yourself, but I would never see it that way.” Riou ruffled Saburo’s hair, while the younger stare at his soulmate in awe, “I might be twice your age, you probably couldn’t compare it to the war I've been through, but in this circumstances, I believe you’re stronger than me.”
Saburo’s eyes lit up, his heart about to burst and his cheeks burned enough to smoke. That word felt so good to listen, but he hated how easily he’s swooned.
“B-bull! You’re just spewing words.” Saburo accused, but Riou was unfazed.
“I would never say it if I didn’t mean it. You’re 14, dealing something that would drive someone to end their lives, but here you are, aware of it and getting help. You’re intimidated by me, but you didn’t let that takes over, you raise your chin and talked to me as any other person. That alone impressed me.”
Enough, he has enough of this, there’s no way Saburo could be more flustered than this but he already did. He just met Riou today, yet he knew all the right words, all the things he had wanted to hear. He used to hate having a soulmate, that he was entitled to someone against his will, but…
“Saburo.” Riou called, and it ended Saburo’s train of thoughts, “There’s something you need to know.” His gaze sharpens, “I’m your soulmate, but you didn’t have to choose me.” Riou continued as if he could read Saburo’s thoughts.
“My grandpa married someone without a mark despite having one himself. I learned then soulmates do not guarantee happiness. He was perfectly content with his wife and never knowing or looking for his soulmate, I’d like you to know that you have a lot of options.” Riou mused more likely to himself.
Saburo pursed his lips, agreeing with Riou yet not entirely happy with the fact now.
“Some big talk you got there for someone that said all he wanted was a soulmate, shamelessly saying that said soulmate keep his spirit up, or you were lying to me?” Saburo challenged, finding himself at ease enough to do so.
Riou shook his head, “None of it are lies. You’ll always be my soulmate, but we don’t need to be lovers like all soulmates ended up as if you don’t want to.” He frankly puts.
Saburo blinks owlishly, completely new to the idea, “I… don’t understand. What else we could be?”
“Anything. I’ll have you anyway you wanted, as your friend, as your brother, I think I could even pass as your friendly old uncle or any parental figure.” Riou tried to act friendly, and fails miserably, his face is too stiff for any joke.
“What about that romantic feeling you have for me, hm? Where are you gonna put that?”
His stiffen face winced a bit, “I’m sorry if it disturbs you, but I don’t think it’ll go anywhere anytime soon, perhaps in time.”
Saburo went from intimidated, intrigued, bashful and now, just straight up frustrated by the man. Not because he hated how self-sacrificing Riou is, but because he agreed, and for once it doesn’t feel good to be right. Saburo is fully aware that he still has a lot of possibilities to find other love interest in his young age, he’ll enter high school and will (inevitably) meets new people. His age gap with Riou is another hurdle as well, soulmate or not, Riou is reaching his 30s, and Saburo isn’t even a legal adult yet. It would be more efficient if Saburo chooses someone closer to his age, a woman preferably, but… there’s always a but…
He met Riou for less than an hour, despite all of that, Saburo felt at home. Would this feeling ever be possible with anyone else at all?
“My grandpa once said, as long as you love someone, soulmates or not, doesn’t matter, you make your own destiny. Some love wither and faded with time, but some could last forever, and they’ll be just as strong as a soulmate bond.” Riou said after seeing Saburo thinking a bit too hard.
“That’s actually made sense, and I completely agree, but…” ah, Saburo can’t say it, why? Riou seems so honest about his feeling, they equally just met today, why can’t Saburo return the honesty?
Riou bumps his shoulder gently against the slumped ones beside him, “Don’t worry about that too hard, you’re young, you have all the time to figure it all out.” Riou added and that earned a smile from Saburo.
“He’s a wise man your grandpa, you’re quoting him a lot, so unoriginal.” Saburo sassed, and Riou as stiff as he seems, found it amusing, “I’d… I’d like to meet him someday, your grandpa.”
Riou smiled, “Of course.”
Running out of things to ask, Saburo felt awkward by the sudden silence, and it seems that Riou didn’t share the sentiments. With heated cheeks, Saburo has a request at the tip of his tongue, yet pride held him back. No! Why is he limiting himself like that? He’ll ask.
“R-Riou, if you’d like, do you want to—”
‘bzzzzzzz’ his phone vibrates and made him jumps. Frantically, he took it out and just as he feared, it’s from Jiro-nii.
“Do I bring the cops?” Saburo immediately asked, already standing up and ready to bolt, ignoring the alarmed ex-soldier beside him.
“No, just some ice cream and junk food.” Jiro said dejectedly, there’s a mumble at the background, “Ichi-nii said you don’t have to buy them, but you know what to do.”
‘Oh, it’s like that.’ Saburo understood that it went bad in the other way, which is still also bad.
“Okay, I’ll get you some WcDonalds.”
“K”
Saburo hung up, “I gotta go.” He said, facing the concerned man.
“Is everything all right?” Riou stood, now side by side with Saburo, and holy fuck the guy is tall and buff.
“Yeah, it’s just my brothers… They need me home.”
Riou raised his eyebrows, “Brothers?” his voice sounds surprised.
“Yup, I got two, they basically raised me better than my dad ever will, and now they need me… so…” Saburo didn’t know how to explain, and his thought came to a halt when he saw Riou’s face softens with a sappy smile.
“I see, well, your brothers did a good job, you turned out to be a strong and brave kid. I’m glad to know you’re not alone.” Riou took his hand to pat his head.
Saburo just took it, and smile to himself, he’s indeed lucky. He had rough patches here and there, but he got his brothers, yes, even Jiro-nii, “I know… I’m really lucky.” He said as he looks up to Riou.
He hands his phone to Riou, who seems confused by the gesture, Saburo just giggled, “Can I have your number?”
++++++++++++
An hour later, Saburo had a heavy plastic bag on each of his hand. One is WcDonalds, and the other are snacks from the nearest Famima. He only spotted Jiro-nii in the kitchen, blankly staring at his phone while both his hands are dug on his head.
“I’m home.” Saburo announced, and Jiro looks up and immediately took one of the heavy bags and help unpack.
“Brief me.” Saburo demanded.
“They only verbally fight this time, but you’re not gonna like the reason they’re fighting.”
While Jiro put the food in place, Saburo played the recording Jiro takes on the Samatoki and Ichi-nii fighting. It was the same old argument, Samatoki changed, and Ichi-nii hates who Samatoki has became. In the end, Ichi-nii always comes back, and that Samatoki wasn’t a jerk for a day or two. It’s like hearing a broken record, until…
“You think I wanted this? Never, but my sister’s life is on the line!” Samatoki shouts, it was the first time Saburo ever heard of his sister.
“I know, I understand dammit, but what you’re doing is wrong! I can’t just justify what you’re doing!”
“Wouldn’t you have done the same for your brothers?”
“In a fucking heartbeat, but I’ll never do it your way, no matter what.”
“There’s no other fucking way for me! You think I wouldn’t have done it the other way if I could? It’s not my fuck up that my lousy fucking dad sold us to the fucking Yakuza!”
“Bullshit and you know it, you just wanted an easier way around! You could’ve paid the debt the other way! I would’ve helped!”
“Like I’d believe that! This is the fastest way to be out of their shadows for good, and You got your brothers to take care of, bet your aunt didn’t even know about me.”
“How the fuck she didn’t know when your mistress’ men came to beat me down!”
“Shit, I’ll give her a lesson for that.”
“Enough, just… I’m done.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I said I’m fucking done! I’m not seeing you anymore.”
“You can’t… You can’t do that, you’re my soulmate, I’m your soulmate. We are fated and you’re mine!”
“Goddammit, if us being soulmate means it’ll hurt what’s left of my family then damn fate to hell! And damn you too! The other day was just me, what if she targetted my aunt, my brothers! I told you I would do anything to keep them safe, just like you with your sister, this time, you’re the one that needs to understand!”
“No, this is wrong… My life is hellish enough as it is, you’re the only comfort I had left Ichiro.”
“Our comfort came at a great price, and I don’t wanna pay Samatoki, you got yourself into this mess.”
“Stop blaming it all on me! I did what I had to do to protect my sister.”
“So, did I for my brothers!”
“By pushing me away??”
“If that’s what it takes, yes!”
“………Fuck you, fuck all of this.”
“Damn…” Saburo muttered under his breath, “I know that we didn’t like Samatoki, but this is…” he trailed, and sigh when he couldn’t complete the sentence.
Jiro raised an eyebrow at his little brother, “Isn’t this good? Finally, nii-chan could cut that toxic Samatoki.”
Saburo frowned at his brother, who’s actually not wrong.
“Have you talked to Ichi-nii?”
“I tried, but he locked himself in his room, he wanted to be left alone.”
“Maybe I could try…” Saburo walked upstairs, down the hallways on the left and come at a halt in front of the wooden door filled with stickers that the three of them collected, vaRious anime stickers made of paper and plastics.
He knocks on the door, “Ichi-nii?” no answer, “At least tell me if you’re awake.” Saburo waited for a few seconds and there’s a knock on the other side.
Saburo sighed, sitting down with he back leaning against the door, “Ichi-nii you don’t have to say anything, but listen to me okay?”
Jiro walked in and leaned on the wall across from him, for once Jiro didn’t snap back at his little brother for being a little brat that couldn’t have known adult things.
“I hate soulmates,” Saburo started, his tone without anger, “I hate how we don’t have any say in choosing our own partner, feeling like fate give us and paired us against our will. I’ve always known at the back of my head why father never looks at me in the eye, I ruined our father because I killed mom, his supposedly only partner in life.”
“Sssh! we’ve talked about that, don’t say that again.” Jiro stepped in, kneeling beside his little brother while holding his shoulder, trying to make eye contact, but Saburo looks away.
“I’ve seen the photo albums you hide, way back when I was born, you had a perfect family before I was born, I ruined everything.” Saburo gritted his teeth.
Jiro didn’t know what to do, and by instinct, he sat beside Saburo, leaning beside him with his arms around the smaller shoulder.
“As long as you love someone, soulmates or not, doesn’t matter, you make your own destiny. Some love wither and faded with time, but some could last forever, and they’ll be just as strong as a soulmate bond.” Saburo quoted, “My soulmate said that to me.”
Jiro visibly froze, “You’ve met your soulmate?”
“Yeah, just earlier today.” Saburo nods, “He said he was my soulmate, but he told me I don’t have to choose him, I should’ve been relieved… but I don’t, I hate it, why did he say such things? He said I’m all he ever wanted,”
“He was twice my age, and amputee ex-soldier from America suffering from ASD, and he said that I saved his life… but then he said that to me! He waited so long for me just to let me go again because he understood I’m still too young.” Saburo pressed his hands on his eyes.
“Then I understood, I understood why he’s my soulmate… He’s everything I didn’t want, yet he’s perfect for me… I never thought I would’ve felt this happy meeting him.” He felt his hand getting wet, and Jiro’s hand rubbing his arm to soothe him.
“He made me realize I’m not alone, how lucky I am to have you as my brothers. I wouldn’t have the guts to tell you all this if it wasn’t for him. Then I realize, something that maybe only I could, that despite his imperfections, I love him so much.” Saburo sobs onto his hand, he could hold in his weeping no matter how hard he pressed his lips together.
He felt so bad, so guilty for all the time he demonizes Ichiro’s soulmate. Pushing them apart thinking it’s what’s best for them when Ichi-nii could’ve been still in love with Samatoki. Jiro seems to agree when he didn’t say anything, he leaned his head on top of Saburo’s and hold him closer.
How could Saburo do that? He’s been so selfish, he didn’t want to be the reason people keep falling apart.
“I’m sorry Ichi-nii, for not trusting you… please don’t worry about us, don’t sacrifice your happiness for us… please… I-I don’t want to ruin another—"
The door opens, and Saburo would fall back if Jiro didn’t hold him up by the shoulders. Ichiro was standing behind them, eyes red from crying as well. He kneels in front of them and wraps his brothers in his arms, tucking his head in between theirs.
“You didn’t ruin anything Saburo, please don’t say that.” Ichiro hugs them tighter and kisses the top of Saburo’s head, “Thank for calming your little brother Jiro.” He kissed Jiro’s head as well, making the younger blush.
After a few seconds, Ichiro let them go and sit in front of them as he smiled proudly.
“Thank you guys, I guess I really got the short end of the stick. Don’t blame yourself okay? I love you guys more than Samatoki, I made the decision myself, But yes, I do see good in him believe it or not.”
“I believe you now Ichi-nii.” Saburo frowned, and Ichiro nudge his face up with his hand and wipes his brother’s tears. “Riou, my soulmate, despite knowing that about me, told me I’m perfect, and strong… I—”
“Know about what?” Jiro cuts in.
Saburo knows he can’t keep it a secret any longer, but he’s still nervous… His brothers love him, even Jiro-nii, especially Ichiro that sacrifices a lot for them, he won’t doubt it anymore. Still, would you blame him if he couldn’t sweep away the negativity clouding his mind?
“It’s okay Saburo.” Ichiro held Saburo’s hand, “You’re always here to protect me, it’s time for us to help you too.” And Jiro nods to agree.
Saburo was touched, with a trembling heart, he looks up to his brothers, “You know I’ve been saving money, right? It wasn’t because I want to hang out with my friends more as I said before, it’s because I was seeing a psychologist in Ikebukuro Counseling Centre, there’s where I met Riou when he attends a support group.”
From the reaction on his brother’s face, he could tell the information shocks them, but Saburo appreciates their silence and gentle arms around him.
“And t-there’s something I’ve been doing when I have meltdown sometimes.”
With shaking hands, Saburo rolled up his sleeves.
++++++++++++
That night, their aunt is coming home late from her usual night shift at the hospital, and they have the night for themselves. After the three brothers calmed down, they ate their junk food and sit by the sofa with snacks on their laps. When Ichiro knew Saburo found the photo albums he hides on the attic, he suggests that they watch a recording of their mother’s pregnancy. From when Saburo was 2-month-old in their mom’s belly, until he was 9-month-old.
Ichiro remembers recording it, but never rewatch them. Jiro didn’t know about this at all, so when his 2 and a half-year-old self hugged his mother’s baby bump and say ‘I love you Saburo~~ please come out soon, I want to meet you sooner’ his face went red while Ichiro awed and Saburo laughed at him.
His mother has heterochromatic eyes just like them half light brown and half blue. He saw his father when he gave his smile freely. He was the one mostly recording, and the other half of the very low shots are from Ichi-nii. They were so happy, and the reason they’re smiling, laughing, was because they can’t wait to see Saburo.
The next recording was a shot of his mother on the couch, knitting, she tied her long dark hair up in a messy bun. Her belly is so big already, from the tape, it said she’s 7 months in. Ichi-nii and Jiro-nii are by the carpet at her feet, playing with Ultraman figures.
‘What are you doing honey?’ his father behind the camera asked.
His mother looks up to the camera beaming with a wide smile, ‘Look!’ She presented her knitting work, ‘I made socks for Saburo, isn’t it cute?’ she cheered as shot zoomed in on a pair of yellow socks with white stripes on it. Saburo agrees, it is cute, he wonders if they keep that socks.
The next scene was of his two brothers feeling up their mom’s tummy.
‘Boys hurry, put your hands on my belly, Saburo is kicking.’
Both his brothers hurry over to their mother’s side, and Jiro stumbling here and there made Saburo laughed.
Again, Jiro pressed his face on mom’s belly, ‘Hewwo?’ Saburo scoffed at the cute speech and again, the present Jiro is completely embarrassed.
‘Hewwo? Saburo???.... AHHHHHH’ Jiro suddenly stumbles back.
‘What is it Jiro?’ his mom ask in worry.
‘Saburo kicked me in the face!’
The three of them laughed at it, including the one in the recording.
“That’s when I know you’re gonna be a stingy brat.” Jiro sneers down at his brother.
“Maybe your potential assholery just stank up through mom’s belly and I just went and kick you.”
And that started a popcorn war, while Ichiro on the other end of the couch just literally done.
Tapes after tapes, both of his brother’s slept leaning on him. Ichiro slept with his head on Saburo’s lap and Jiro-nii’s head on his shoulder, completely drooling over his jacket. Saburo is in a good mood today, so despite the icky drool and their weight making him feel numb, he’ll tolerate it today.
Another tape plays, it was only his mother this time. Her belly is very big, but her face seems pale.
‘Saburo…’ she called, and it sent chills down his spine.
Though he knows it’s impossible, he felt as if his mother is looking right at him. She had a weak smile formed on her pale lips, shaking fingers combing back her damp hair as she tried to breath.
‘I hope you’re watching this sweetie, I’m so sorry… I think I won’t make it to meet you.’ Her voice sound broken but she smiled anyway.
Saburo felt his own tears streaming down his face, he knows this must’ve been his mom’s last moments. Even when she looks like she holds a lot of pain, she thinks of him first, making this recording, she should’ve been on the road to the hospital, where’s dad? Where are his brothers??
‘Saburo… your mommy loves you, I love you so so much… Your brothers and your father are going to take good care of you, I trust that they’ll give you all the love you deserve.’ She closed her eyes, taking is a deep breath that seems painful to take.
For a little while, Saburo was glad she didn’t get to see that her husband left them.
‘And I want you to know Saburo… my lovely son…’ She looks up, smiling so prettily despite looking so messy, making Saburo blushed, ‘I love you, we only get to be together for 9 months but… I wish the love poured to you enough to last the rest of your life, and for Ichiro and Jiro too, I trust you all to take care of each other. Mommy loves you all.’
Saburo felt his thigh wet and someone tugging his pants, he looks down to Ichi-nii which facing the TV and hiding his face. Jiro-nii curled up beside him, also tugging his sleeves. None of them are asleep, and all of them have silent tears down their eyes.
She breathes in a little harder, pressing her belly and controlling her breathing. Not long after, Dad burst in with his brothers, Ichi-nii is in his school uniform, dad is in his work clothes, while Jiro panics and cries. They hurried her away from the shot, and that last tape ended.
Feeling that none of his brothers would move away from him, he takes his free hand to reach the remote and switch to some cartoon channels. The old version of Captain Tsubasa is airing, and they languidly watch while leaning on each other.
Saburo breathed easier, smiling to himself and to his brothers. He’s indeed lucky, when they saw the scars, they weren’t yelling or dismiss it or ask why. All they said was ‘why didn’t you tell us sooner?’ and ‘you’re going to be okay’, which is everything Saburo wanted.
He felt his phone vibrates and he took it out of his pocket carefully. There’s a text from Riou, making him smile yet again.
‘Is everything okay with your brothers?’
‘Yeah, we cheered my brother up, then I told them everything, and it was me that was cheered up ;w; I told them about you too, they wanted to meet you, I hope that’s okay?’
‘I’m glad everything worked out with your brother, and it will be my honor to meet them, I’ll make sure I could attend your invitation.’
‘When you’re free?’
‘I just moved to Japan, and only here for 3 days, but I’ll be in town for 3 weeks.’
Whoa, that coincidence… if he didn’t come to the Counseling Centre, he might’ve never met him at all. But now, Riou won’t be in town long, and Saburo got school days.
‘Wait, you didn’t live here?’
‘No, I’ve been traveling Japan for 4 Months now, staying America proven to trigger me. Japan has been helping me heal.’
Oh… oh yeah, Riou has… what was it? ASD? Saburo will look up on that.
‘Well weekends will be nice uwu, because we have school nights ;w;’
Saburo thinks again, his brothers are hella protective, but now it’s gonna be e x t r a protective. He won't get enough of talking with Riou with this meddling boys pestering him.
‘But can we go out alone before meeting my brothers and aunt? I can show you around Ikebukuro’
As soon as Saburo sent that, his heart picking up the pace, did he just ask Riou on a date? No… it’ll be just as friends! But it’s not like Saburo don’t have any hidden intention, he wanted to know Riou more. Wait what? Isn’t this wrong? A minor on a date with an adult, a minor with a minor is cute but a minor with an adult is really borderline a crime. Oh my god it’s just a date Saburo it’s not like you’ll do dirty stuff, and it’s not like Riou will make an advance on you, right?
His phone buzzes, another text message.
‘I would love to.’
Saburo grinned from ear to ear, whispering to himself ‘Yes!’
“Dang, you move quick Saburo.” Saburo jerks in his place when Jiro said that.
“What he do?” Ichiro rolled over to face up, he got tear stained face and a massive grin.
“He asked Riou on a date.” Jiro replied.
“It’s nothing like that!! He’s new to the town.”
“And you’re showing him around, that’s a date.”
“That’s a date.” Ichiro agreed to Jiro, “C’mon, it’s cool Saburo, I mean… he’s what 28? You can defend yourself, you still have tasers, pepper spray, anti-kidnapping alarm,--”
“Yeah yeah I bring them every time, and I’ll go to public places.”
Ichiro smiled at him, “I only allow holding hands, no kissing or any step further after that.”
“Ichi-nii ewwwwwww.”
“Nii-chan ewwwwwww.”
Both of the younger brothers cringed while their older brother looked completely shameless, “Hey, I’m just saying to take precautions! I’m saying this from experience ya’know? I didn’t plan it when me and Samatoki hangs out in my room when you guys were gone and we--”
Jiro grabbed the nearest pillow, and Saburo yanks the hood laces till his brother’s face completely gone by the closed hood and Jiro lands the pillow on top of that. Their brother might be hard to breathe, but he earned that for making them red in the face.
++++++++++
Riou waited by the Counseling Centre, face as stiff and straight as ever. His nervousness and rapid heartbeat didn’t show at all, but it’s helping him feel warm.
He knows that he would find his soulmate in the most unpredicted way, but to find him when he was at his lowest was shocking to him. When he told his story in therapy, he looks down to his hand like he has for the millionth time, and for the millionth time it never changed until that day where the red string comes out from his mark.
He’ll never forget the jump in his chest when he saw the young boy at the end of his line, mismatched blue and green eyes staring widely at him like deer in the headlights. God knows Riou wanted to charge him and hug the hell out of the boy.
So young, yet so many scars, and all Riou wanted was to do what he can’t do when he saw the cuts, to tell him that everything is fine and wrap his arms around him.
Two years ago, Riou noticed a scar that doesn’t belong to him. It was a graze on the arm, thinking that it was like the other grazes on his body because his soulmate is still young, so they probably got it for playing too rowdy. Then it multiplies in one spot in particular, then it became deeper, it spreads on the upper arm and upper thigh. It doesn’t take long for Riou to know what those cuts meant.
Riou worries, so he spoke first despite not used to talk that much. Then Saburo straightens his back, put up the bravest and cutest face while enthusiastically throwing questions at Riou. It was admirable, and when Riou knew about his brothers and how much he treasures them, he felt relieved, because Saburo is not alone. Though he knows there’s something worrying when Saburo asked if Riou was disappointed in him, but it will be a story for Saburo to share, not for Riou to probe.
It doesn’t matter really… All that matter is that he found his soulmate, and he’s beautiful with all his imperfections.
“Riouoooo!” Saburo jogged from the distance, “What are you spacing out for?” he soon asks as he now stood beside him.
Saburo not in any way short, but Riou is still taller, and the way Saburo look up with those mismatched eyes in wonder, it was cute enough for Riou’s heart to clench.
“Nothing,” Riou smiled, “So, where are you taking us Mr. Tour guide?”
Saburo beams, “Depends, what kind of tour do you want? Sightseeing? Food? Cafes? Shopping? Manga and merch shopping? Sunshine city has everything!”
Riou hums, not really deep in thought, he already knows what to do in Ikebukuro. Something about being a former soldier that made him always came prepared, and he already set a tour through Ikebukuro for himself weeks ago. Ikebukuro has a lot of interesting places, but Riou cared so less about it now and just wanted to see that little face drags him everywhere instead.
“Surprise me.”
Saburo looks challenged, “Bet.”
++++++++++++
And Saburo indeed surprised him. Alice in Wonderland café, small but beautiful temples, amazing street food vans, and the last of their trip Sunshine Aquarium.
They talked about what it felt like an endless story. Riou told him about his parents, that not really ever do him wrong, but they never cared. When his parents divorced, he never knew where his father is, and when he went to enlist in the military, his mother said nothing. Even now, when he retires, none of his parents tried to reach out to him, but Riou did look them up, they knew where they are.
Told him about his grandfather, that acts as his parents more than his parents he remembered were. He was his role model, it was because of him that he became a soldier, but doesn’t want to pursue the military career, too much government influence and hidden secrets.
Though a bit shyer, Saburo spilled about himself too, mostly about the anime and manga he likes and he currently obsessed about. Saburo kept giving nervous glances whenever he talks about manga and novels that he clearly loves about, and Riou made sure that he loves listening to Saburo rambles about them and telling stories about how cool they are. The sparkle in Saburo’s eyes makes Riou smile himself, and that earned Saburo non-stop fanboying about vaRious things while they sit at the park eating takoyaki and waffle deserts they bought at the nearest food truck.
After running out of breath telling about his fandoms and interest, he asked Riou back, Riou must have liked anime or play something old like Beyblade, crush gear, Yugi-Oh or the sorts. To his surprise, no Riou don’t. He watches them as kids, but the lack of friends and his interest in anything, he never really experiences them, but he did have a few collections of power rangers and toy trucks back then. Saburo was baffled as hell when he hears Riou doesn’t go through childhood, at all!
“C’mon, I go through childhood…” Riou said as he shrugged.
“No man! Dang, you missed out so much! I can show you if you want! Some pop culture and anime!” Saburo said excitedly then paused, face completely red as he sits back down calmly and cleared his throat, “I-I mean if it’s not too childish for you… wait no, not all manga and anime are childish and liking them does not make you a loser and—”
“No, it won't, and I don’t care how it made me look, manga and anime sounds interesting if you could go hype about it for 3 hours now.”
Saburo’s mouth gapes, “Three hours??? Why didn’t you stop me??”
“You sound so passionate and seems to be having fun, I don’t want to interrupt.”
“Now that I want to take you to Animate after the Aquarium it’s gonna take the whole day, and that doesn’t count us stopping on one of the temples I wanna show you on the way there.”
“Don’t forget that we’re meeting your brothers too.” Riou reminded and put an amused smile as Saburo smack his forehead, seems like he completely forgot.
“Ah shit, I forgot, well they’re not important, what matters is you to see Ikebukuro with me!” Saburo perhaps didn’t realize how endearing it is for Riou to hear those words.
To be wanted for his time and company, he wonders if the burns in his cheeks show.
Saburo quickly put their garbage in the trash and pull Riou’shand to stand up, “Cmon! We need to move and get you to see the temple! It’s really cool!” Saburo jumps up and down.
“Hey, no hurry.” Riou tries to calm him down, but it snaps something in Saburo.
“No!” He exclaimed, “I got only so much time with you, and I can’t see you on weekends because final exams, and you’re only here for another week and then you’ll leave.”
“I’m not leaving Ikebukuro forever.”
“Say what now?”
Riou chuckled, “I’m not leaving Ikebukuro forever, the reason I’m traveling all over Japan was to find a suitable town to stay in, but now that I found you here—”
“YES! That would be great if you could stay here!” Saburo clasps his hands together under his chin and looks up to show his puppy eyes, how could Riou say no to that? How could Riou say no to someone that needs him to be close for the first time?
Yet before Riou could agree, Saburo’s face changed, “But umm…” Saburo sits straight up, a habit Riou guessed when Saburo just masked something he really wants and try to talk like an ‘adult’, “I can see that Ikebukuro is not actually a chill place, there’re other places in Japan which is like… more calming, it’ll be good for you.”
Riou was, at the lack of a better word, surprised. He was about to say no and it’s okay to stay here for Saburo, but when he puts it like that, thinking of his health instead of his own selfish wish, for Riou, it was so sweet.
“And will that be okay? Even if I’m far from you?”
Saburo huffed, “We have bullet trains and Line, Riou, I think we can manage.” He confidently says.
“Thanks Saburo.” Riou wished his genuine gratefulness came across.
“What for?”
What for? Where do Riou even start? It was the first time Riou was wanted, not feared, not labeled cold or unsocial, more importantly, not ignored. For once someone is paying attention to him and seek for his time and companion and the last hours has been wonderful.
“For thinking what’s best for me.” Riou simply put.
“Of course I would! I lo- I mean you’re a good guy! And my soulmate! Of course I’m gonna take care of you now let’s go!”
Saburo pulls his hand once again, and this time Riou comply. Saburo is a few steps ahead but he could see his red ears as he looks down. Riou could feel his face warmed up too. Being taken care of and feeling someone cared for him again is great.
After an hour and a half inside the Aquarium, it feels as if the sky heard Saburo’s plan and decide to fuck with him.
It was pouring.
“Darn it…” Saburo cursed under his breath as soon as they step outside the building.
He plops his butt at one of the chairs under the roof of the Aquarium building, and Riou follows after and sits right beside him.
“There goes the rest of the plan.” Saburo dejectedly sighed, leaning back and slumped down.
While Riou didn’t feel really that bad. He did look forward to, as Saburo put it, enlightened with anime knowledge. He was interested in some of the anime Saburo was crazed about, but this isn’t bad, just sitting together waiting for the rain to calm down. Saburo sits close, and Riou was wondering if it’s another attempt for him to hold his hand. The entire time inside the aquarium, their hands had brushed more times to count, and Saburo would curl his finger slightly before letting go again. Riou knows he shouldn’t but the gesture was cute nonetheless.
“This is nice actually.” Riou mused taking in a breath of the smell of the wet grass and damp air.
“What? Stuck in the rain?” Saburo ha his elbows poached in his thigh and his slumped face on his palms.
“No, just rain in general… when I was in Afghanistan for years, it was very dry and hot, barely rained at all, so whenever it rains in Japan, it soothes me.”
Saburo looks up from his palms with cuRious eyes, “War is really bad huh?”
Riou pulls up the corner of his lips, “It is, but I love fighting for what's right.”
“You sound just like my Ichi-nii.”
“Your oldest brother?”
Saburo nods and stayed quiet for a few seconds, “Riou? Will it be okay if I ask you more about your parents?”
Riou felt touch when he asks for permission, even though it’s totally okay, “Of course.”
“Do you really not want to meet them? Never at all?”
“Ah… that… I never really put it in my plans to meet them.”
“Riou, do you hate them?” Saburo puts a little more carefully now.
“I don’t hate them.” Riou said without hesitation, “It’s a habit of mine, a habit of us I think, that we never gave much attention to each other. I never make trouble at school, so they never need to come to school. We live separately, all three of us.”
“Don’t you miss them?”
“No… because we never meet each other often in the first place.”
Saburo seems to be deep in thought as his eyes search on Riou’s stoic face, “I don’t know about you, but I miss my dad.”
“Even though he treats you like you’re invisible?”
“Yeah… he’s still my dad, and it feels so lonely whenever he brushed me off when I want their attention. I tried making him drawings, cook him meals even though I barely could cook, I even make a poem how grateful I am for having him as a dad at the parent-student meeting that he never attended.” Saburo’s eyes look away to the rain as he takes a deep breath, something in the way he looks that he seems like he accepts it.
“It’s lonely but I had my brothers to shower me with attention and help with school and everything, but what about you?” Saburo bump his shoulder to Riou’s arms to gain his attention, “You barely know your parents, and you rarely see you grandpa, who do you have?”
Riou was caught off guard by the question, it’s not shameful to answer, but it does look pathetic, “No one that I know off.”
“Not even good friends?”
“I was not close with any of my friends to remain in contact.”
“Do you not feel lonely?”
Riou hums, “I used to…” he said, thinking back to when he was a child, “I was afraid to get my parents attention because they were so busy, it was very lonely, but it became a habit to be alone, before I knew it, I really closed myself off.”
“Well, you’re not closed off with me.”
“Because you asked.”
Saburo twisted his lips, eyebrows furrowed like he’s searching through his memory, “Huh, I did, didn’t I? Is that what it takes for you to open up?”
“And there’s your special privilege as my soulmate.”
Saburo smiled at the statement, he clutched Riou’s sleeve, “You’re not alone okay?”
Dumbfounded again by Saburo 's action, he thought it was because Riou is leaving and Saburo was worried? Isn’t that just heartwarming to be cared for? So Riou tried to soothe him, “It’s okay, I’m used to it.”
That doesn’t seem to make him calmer, “No one likes being alone, not even you Riou, answer me honestly, if this is the last time we’re seeing each other what would you feel?”
“I would feel lost for sure, I would say you’re cruel for leaving me after you made me feel happy, or I would blame myself because perhaps it was me that acts the wrong way.”
“But it won’t happen okay?” Saburo quickly cleared after hearing Riou’s respond, “Don’t you think your parents would probably miss you? Thinking the same way you are now, but they didn’t know how to make it up to you.”
Riou raised an eyebrow, “What’s this fixation of my parents?” he said, clearly not comfortable with it, but Saburo held his head high.
“Because they’re important, and if they inherit your stoic face, maybe you just didn’t know they care, just like I didn’t know I made you happy until you said so.”
Riou widens his eyes, completely surprised, “I’ve… I really like spending time with you, I've been happy the whole time.”
“And you don’t have the face to show that Riou… but that’s okay!” Saburo poked Riou’s cheek, “At least now I knew.”
The rain finally stopped, still damp and the sun is still hidden behind the clouds, but at least nothing pours down anymore.
“We can’t get you to Animate now if we wanna meet my brothers, but I can take you to the temple, wanna do that?”
“Yes.”
Saburo held his hand and pull him out of his chair. He doesn’t let go for the rest of the trip, and Riou knows he shouldn’t but he didn’t want to let go of the hand as well.
++++++++++
“My name is Riou Mason Bujusima, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” His deep voice sounds softer but firm as he bowed 90 degrees down in front of his brothers and aunt.
The three of them went speechless when Saburo just stand awkwardly beside them. Then Riou stood up, making them wide-eyed again and staring shamelessly. Even the composed and stoic Riou could feel the pressure of their eyes.
“Is there something wr-”
“Goddammnn you’re tall.”
“HEY! What do I say about cursing!” The woman in the house stood up, and land a playful snap on Jiro’s forehead, “I’m sorry about my nephews, I’m Kaneko Yamada, I’m their aunt, introduce yourself boys.”
“I’m the oldest Ichiro.”
“Jiro.”
“Pleasure to meet you all, I brought a little gift.” Riou handed a box from their favorite cake shop, since all his family loves sweets, and Saburo might’ve told him which cake is their favorite.
His aunt went completely bashful, nervously touching her curly light brown hair, “Oh my! Thoughtful aren’t you, this feels like you’re asking for Saburo’s hand!”
Both of his brothers snap to Riou, “Now listen here buddy, Saburo is still a minor and even though he consented I will not let you—”
Saburo quickly landed his hand on Jiro’s babbling mouth, “Oh my god! Stop embarrassing me! He’s not asking for my hand.” Saburo looks behind him, to Riou’s face and smiled. Yet, he said to himself.
“Okay boys calm down, let’s eat some cake and I’ll make some tea, or would you like some coffee instead Riou?”
“Tea would be fine.”
They sat around the dining table with the said cake on their table and soon Kaneko pour them tea.
“So what will it be?” His aunt said as he sat down, her young face beams with happiness, “Are you guys dating now?”
Honestly, Saburo wanted to know that too.
“No, I don’t plan to date him, at least not before he’s in an appropriate age.”
Well doesn’t that just sucked? And here Saburo thought he succeeded charming him to consider dating. Guess dragging him to anime stores and blabbing about anime and manga isn’t the most effective way.
“But it’s completely up to Saburo.” Riou continued, oh no, not this again, “I can see that our age difference could be inconvenient, I’ll always care for Saburo even though he won’t choose me as his spouse. He’s still young, he should have all the options the world hands to him.”
His brothers weren’t as surprised since they already hear it from Saburo, but his aunt seems to be deep in thought. “Hmmmm, I see, but you won’t push him away if he chooses you, won’t you.”
“Of course I won’t.” Riou looks at Saburo that’s already making a hopeful face.
“Then-”
“When you’re 18 Saburo.” Riou reminded again.
“I hate to say it, but I agree with Riou here, hold down your horses Saburo.” Ichiro chuckled.
“Yeah, you’re 14 for god sake stop being so damn thirsty," Jiro sneers.
Saburo goes red in the face.
“C’mon, can you blame him? Riou is such a feast for the eyes, I can see why.” His aunt supported, which is doing anything but that.
He knew, that Riou is a tall glass of refreshing sparkling water with the height of his body, those charming strawberry blond hair match with sky blue eyes, but she didn’t have to acknowledge it! Can’t these people act coy!
“Okay, before poor Saburo exploded, won’t you tell me how much of the age gap are we talking about here?” He knew Ichi-nii is trying to divert the conversation, but it’s honestly making it worse.
“14, and I turned 29 this year.”
“Dang, that’s a lot.” Jiro mumbled the obvious.
“Oh please! My husband and I have a 12-year age gap, but I do date him when I was 18, he was my teacher!” His aunt informed, “I know you’re way older than Saburo, and I trust you’ll treat Saburo correctly, but if you don’t…”
She placed her hand on Riou’s shoulder, “I’m a doctor to be nurse, and I don’t care if you’re an ex-soldier, but I can make your body disappear, hm?” She smiled innocently, but her words make the brothers passed a nervous glance at Riou, who seemed more surprised than afraid.
“If I, in any way hurt him, I would come myself and let you waterboard me.”
“We’re in understanding then.” She pats his shoulder, “Wonderful! Now let’s get back to the cake! Tell us Riou, where have you been in Japan, I heard you’re traveling?”
And the two adults talked like nothing had happened. Saburo leaned closer to his brothers that are just as stumped as he is, “What the hell is waterboard.”
“It’s… a form of torture.” Ichi-nii informed.
“What!” Saburo gasped.
“Yes, and I’m planning to get trained to be a police officer.” Riou said, when Saburo listened in.
A police officer? Isn’t that dangerous?
“Wait, is it okay?” Saburo clutch on Riou’s sleeve, which understands where Saburo’s worry came from.
“It’ll be okay, it’s a plan for after I got better, don’t worry.”
Though Saburo doesn’t think he can, if it’s what Riou wants, what can he do but agree?
They spend the rest of the night knowing more about Riou. Where he came from, his military days, even down to his grandfather and the ASD that he shared very openly. It made Saburo admire him that Riou could proudly admit what he lacks. As Saburo stared at the man, the man stares back and smile before returning to talk. At that moment Saburo knew, that Riou’s cheesy reason was a real serious one.
Would you believe me if I said it was you?