Work Text:
Confession
Yoongi PoV
2.46 am. Yoongi sighed, looking at his watch and back to the desk full of music equipment in front of him. He'd spent the whole day here, switching between playing the piano and trying to come up with some fitting lyrics to the tune he had composed himself. However, he didn't succeed yet.
Yoongi wanted to continue so bad that it almost hurt, the music seeming to call him, draw him in, telling him to stay and continue. But he was tired, eyes falling shut already as he sunk into his thoughts. It had been a normal day.
He'd woken up, only to find his shared bedroom with Jimin empty, hearing voices coming from downstairs. When the rapper had left the comforting warmth of his bed he'd noticed a small sheet of paper laying on the desk next to his bed.
'Good morning, hyung. I didn't want to wake you and Namjoon hyung agreed that I should let you sleep. I'll leave some breakfast for you. -Jimin'.
Those were the words obviously written in a hurry. Against his will Yoongi's lips curled up into a faint smile. Park Jimin. Always so thoughtful and caring. Only to name a few of the things which Yoongi adored about his band member.
He was the complete opposite. More of an introvert, sometimes preferring to be alone. Not to mention that his personality wasn't exactly an outgoing one. Yoongi could only imagine how he had to appear to the others. To Hoseok with his bright personality and smile, to Taehyung with his weird yet funny behavior, to Namjoon and his dorkiness, to Jungkook with his own unique way of making the others laugh, to Jin with his bad jokes. And to Jimin. Jimin was always there everyone, regardless of his own problems, which Yoongi knew he had, despite him always brushing it off.
Sometimes he wished that he could be there for the younger the way the other was here for him. But it was always Jimin who comforted them when and gave affection to everyone who needed it. Yoongi suddenly remembered a particular night, where the two of them had stayed up and just talked about nothing and everything.
He remembered realising that his feelings for Jimin were crossing the border of friendship. And he remembered the pain whenever he'd told himself why it could never work out between them.
It was tearing him apart, he knew he had to forget or overcome his feelings somehow for the greater good but he was a mess with no idea how he could continue without accidentally spilling the beans.
Despite the fact that it wouldn't work out between them, Yoongi knew that his feelings would never be reciprocated anyways.
Never.
And he couldn't blame Jimin. It was not like he had anything special on him, he wasn't outstandingly attractive, had no other specific talent beside his music and his social skills were lacking.
Another sigh escaped Yoongi's lips as he was pulled out of his haze by his phone ringing. 'Namjoon' it said on the display. "Hello Namjoon.", he said casually, trying to hide the messed up puddle that were his emotions at the moment. "Hello Yoongi. Would you do me a favor since I'm assuming you're still at your studio?" "Sure Joonie. What is it?", he asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Go home and rest.", Yoongi heard Namjoon's voice through the phone, his tone friendly but it was clear that he wouldn't accept a no. "You may take that as an order from the leader.", the other added after a couple of seconds during which Yoongi hadn't said anything. "Okay, fine. I'll go home. I just... I have to play this song one more time.", he begged quietly. Please. He heard Namjoon heaving a sigh. "Fine. One more time. But then you'll sleep. And eat. Since you haven't done that regularly either." The man nodded, then remembered that the other couldn't see him and responded: "Sure Namjoon. Thanks. I'll see you later."
After Namjoon had hung up, Yoongi turned around to face the piano again and closed his eyes to recall the melody that had flown into his thoughts all of a sudden.
It was clear and sweet yet longing and sad. He didn't notice that he was crying until he stopped playing for a moment and quickly wiped the tears away. He wasn't a weepy person so he stood up and was about to leave the studio when his gaze caught the sight of his notebook still laying on the desk. Yoongi quickly grabbed it, shoving the book into his pocket before making his way back to their dorm.
Jimin PoV
He woke up in the middle of the night, without knowing what reason had pulled him out of his for once peaceful sleep.
Jimin hadn't slept properly for a few weeks, his thoughts constantly keeping him awake, scolding him for the way he was thinking. For the way he was feeling. What's right and what's wrong. Sighing, he checked the alarm clock next to his bed. 3.30 am. Since he knew better than to try and go to sleep again, Jimin left the comforting warmth of his bed and wanted to get himself a glass of water.
About to leave the room, he suddenly stopped and whipped around, his eyes quickly scanning the empty room. Exactly. It was empty. 'Wait... where's Yoongi hyung?", he asked himself, noticing that the other had skipped dinner as well. 'Maybe he's still at the studio? He sure spends a lot of time there lately.' And that made Jimin sad.
But it was another kind of sorrow, like bricks weighing him down, making him slower, less joyful when the elder wasn't around. He missed Yoongi. Yoongi, their talks and their habit of the other trying to teach him how to rap when in return he showed him how to do some complicated dance moves.
And sometimes...sometimes they would just cuddle up to each other and make up random lines for a song of their own. Jimin had always loved those nights the most. He would lie if he would say that Yoongi's withdrawal wouldn't worry him at all.
Of course, the older one was sometimes a little bit introverted and liked to be alone with his music but lately...he didn't quite point his finger to it but his hyung had looked so devastated the past few weeks. No that was probably not the right word for it. Not devastated.
Lost.
As if he would carry a lot of weight on his shoulders and didn't know how to solve his problems. Of course Jimin has tried to talk to him but Yoongi would only wave it off, saying that he was just tired. 'I have to talk to him again. I hate seeing him like this. It tears me apart and this time I'm not going to let him go that easily.'
The sound of someone walking around in the living room tore Jimin out of his thoughts. 'Somebody's up?', he wondered and tip-toed downstairs, shivering a little, having forgotten to put on some shoes. When he reached the kitchen, Jimin saw the person pouring water into a glass. It looked like...
"Yoongi? Yoongi hyung?", he whispered, not sure if his eyes were betraying him.
It was indeed Yoongi, whose head snapped up at the sudden appearance of his band mate. "Jimin. Did I wake you?", he asked, his voice low. "No", Jimin responded quickly, exhaling shakily. All of a sudden his legs had turned more jelly-like, struggling to support his weight. "I-I don't think so. How did your studio session go?" A rather obvious lilt of sadness seeped into the younger one's voice. "It was...good I guess. I'm sorry for staying out late."
Yoongi looked at Jimin, letting an intense gaze travel over every little feature, as if to memorize everything perfectly.
Finally Jimin broke their stare battle, not knowing for how long they were looking at each other like that. Maybe ten seconds. Maybe ten minutes. "You're doing that a lot lately. I know that there is something on your mind hyung. Please tell me. I just want to help you. He turned around again, facing Yoongi who was still staring at him. "I know and I appreciate that. I do. I'm just..."
"Tired. I know.", Jimin cut him off, somehow pissed that Yoongi still refused any help. Why did he always think that he had to solve all his problems alone? Didn't he trust him? Pain of disappointment flashed trough his entire body, his heart clenching. Only two weeks ago they'd spent an entire night about all their problems. It hurts.
"You know what I'm tired of? Of all your excuses you're making up so you won't have to talk to me. I remember the times when we would be open about our problems. The times you seemed to trust me. The times..." Jimin lowered his hands in a defeated manner.
"Hyung...what happened to these times?", he asked, tears glistening behind his eyes feeling yet another shot of pain in his already suffering heart. It was the other's turn to face away from him, leaning heavily against the kitchen counter.
He didn't say anything for a while and seemed so broken, so lost that it brought tears to Jimin's eyes. "Hyung, please. I can't bear it. Seeing you like this, it hurts my heart." Finally Yoongi turned around to look at him again, eyes full of something Jimin couldn't quite place.
"Look, Jiminie...I really want to tell you but...I just-I just cant. It would destroy everything. I'm sorry." The younger closed his eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the tears from falling.
Why would Yoongi do this to him? What was that heavy weight the other was obviously carrying on his shoulders? And why would he hide it? From him! Him, whom the elder had always entrusted his problems.
Suddenly he felt something warm running down his cheek and opened his eyes only to see Yoongi standing directly in front of him, now raising his hand to wipe the tear away with a soft movement of his thumb.
It was one of the rare occasions where Jimin had the chance to look directly into the other's soul, his own emotions perfectly reflected in Yoongi's gaze, the pain, the inner conflict, feelings carelessly thrown all together.
Jimin was caught in a trance by the other's eyes, as if Yoongi was trying to tell him through a gaze. He slowly raised his hand and removed the elder's from his cheek, not letting go of it, feeling sparks of electricity exploding in his chest and Jimin found himself wanting to be even closer to Yoongi, wanting to feel the other's warmth, maybe nuzzling his nose into the man's shirt.
It feels like I'm drawn to him. It feels like...love. It feels like I'm in love with Min Yoongi. But I can't be. He'll never love me back. Oh god, what am I going to do?
"Yoongi." Jimin's voice was barely above a whisper. "What's wrong?", he asked once more, causing the other to drop his gaze to their intertwined fingers before speaking up.
"My problem...", Yoongi paused for a moment, letting out a small chuckle which genuinely confused Jimin, but before he could say something the elder already continued. "Screw it. You're my problem, Park Jimin. You and my feelings for you. The feelings I shouldn't have. I'm in love with you and it hurts. It hurts knowing that you'll never feel the same way for me."
Jimin's jaw dropped. Wait. Did he hear that correctly? Yoongi was in love with him? With him? But how? He was the one who had feelings that weren't going to be reciprocated. How was it possible that someone like Yoongi would love him? Unconsciously Jimin must've said the last sentence out loud because the elder looked at him as if he'd just seen an alien.
"Why, you ask? Because you are perfect. You're gorgeous, you care for everyone and put your problems aside in order to help us. You have the most angelic voice, it sends me into heaven everytime I hear you singing and when you're dancing you look like you're in another world, a world of your own. It only takes a smile from you and my day is already a hundred times better. It takes a hug and I feel safe, comforted."
Jimin was rendered speechless. There were so many things he wanted to say but when he parted his lips not a single sound left them. "I...", he tried but was cut off almost immediately. "I'm sorry.", Yoongi said quickly, slowly backing away. "I never should've told you that. I never...", he gulped, "I never told you that, okay?"
"Yoongi.", Jimin tried to get the other's attention but he rambled on, obvious fear mixed with pain glistening in his eyes. "I probably just destroyed everything. Just as I predicted. Shit."
"Yoongi." "Just...forget everything I said, yeah? That would be for the best." Okay that was enough.
"Yoongi!", Jimin raised his voice, louder than he originally intended to do but it made Yoongi close his mouth and stare at his feet.
"Yoongi.", his voice was now more quiet again, "Please look at me."
When the elder didn't, Jimin heaved a quiet sigh and slid his hand under the man's jaw, gently lifting it until their eyes met, the younger one's heart clenching painfully as he saw the other's eyes, round and wide and full of panic.
"You didn't destroy anything." "Yes I did.", Yoongi insisted, "I just told my best friend that I'm in love with him. How does that not destroy anything?" Jimin knew that he had to tell him. But he didn't know how.
His heart was racing against his mind while a sudden thought flashed in front of his eyes, only for the fraction of a second but Jimin picked it up either way and lunged forward, cupping Yoongi's face with his hands and laid his lips onto the other's, pressing gently. The kiss felt soft and innocent, as light-weighted as a feather but it was more than enough to deliver all the emotions both men held back.