Chapter Text
Neku knew he couldn't fix it. He knew it would never be the same, and he knew how badly this could go.
But, here he was.
In the months that had passed since he had left the Reapers and their sick game, Neku had come to see that, unless he went out to find it, there was going to be something missing. He let himself get a little too used to that stupid, stupid little pretty boy he called a friend, and now Josh was gone. Most days were alright, but sometimes things felt a little wrong. More than Neku cared to admit, really.
It's like listening to the same song on repeat (trust me, a week really is quite a long time, he managed to get used to Shiki in a week, and look where they are now), but then suddenly one of the chords changes, if only a little bit. Don't get him wrong, Neku doesn't usually give mind to any sort of silence, but when you can so obviously tell something is missing, whether it be a snarky comment or a smug hairflip or a wide, shit-eating grin, something is bound to snap. And no, he didn't entirely understand why he felt that way. He always assumed it was just one of those things, the things that your brain just does, without ever giving a real explanation or anything remotely helpful like that. Maybe it was just unfair, that everyone else who was in the game (though whether that applies to Josh is certainly debatable) got to reunite in the end, have it go well in the end, and he didn't. Maybe that was it. Maybe not. Who knows, really, and does it even matter?
He couldn't stand it. He missed Josh, and that was the truth.
So, it was there, at the gaping mouth of what honestly felt like the entrance to hell, Neku found himself in all of his ratty-t-shirt-and-sweatpants glory.
The wall was busted, seemingly from the inside. Isn't that strange? He headed in. For some reason, Neku was very aware of his shadow.
Everything looked the same, just as it had been left. When he reached the Rubicon, the river was still there, rushing loud as ever. The trash heaps were still stacked high in the Trail of the Bygone, and- hey, wasn't Minamimoto supposed to be crushed under that one?
Neku carries on. It's probably nothing.
Was he really going to do this? Was it really smart to confront someone like Josh, for something that seemed so silly? Of course it wasn't. It never was. Neku kept walking, and he wasn't going to stop until he got a satisfying explanation.
He reached the Dead God's Pad, walking a bit slower to peer down at the spontaneous fish below. The air in the room was cooler, and everything seemed a bit glowy, like the edges were all fuzzy. He recalled what had happened here, in this room, what had felt like a lifetime ago. It was odd, how real the game had been. Now, it all just felt like one massive, shared nightmare. Looking back up, Neku pressed on.
The Trail of the Judged gave Neku mixed feelings from the moment he first saw it, all those months ago. Such a colorful room for such a colorless situation. It can be unnerving, being in a setting so violently contrary. The murals still gave him the same message.
"Enjoy life," he breathed.
He went forward in the hopes that he could one day completely do what he was told. No, he didn't need hope. He was going to find Josh, whether it was smart or not. And so, Neku persisted. He made his way to the Room of Reckoning, opening the door with a hint of doubt and more than a hint of fear crawling around the back of his mind.
It was here Neku found something so horrible, so outrageous, so unexpected that nothing could've prepared him for it.
It was here, in the depths of Shibuya, that Neku was met with absolutely nothing.
Silence.
Void.
Emptiness.
The vacancy was utterly nauseating. All this way, he came all this way, and for what? For Josh to be on vacation. Did Josh even take vacations? No, no, Josh was here. He had to be. He was here and Neku was going to track him down, even if it was still a stupid idea, and even if it took his whole life to do it. Because he missed Josh, and that was truth.
Not even Neku could change the truth.
But for now, there was nothing he could do, nothing that could fill the empty space. He turned back on his heel, going into the Trail of the Judged.
Really, Neku was just bothered at this point. How very Josh, bothering our poor, pitiful protagonist, and he wasn't even in the room! It was absurd!
"If he really wanted me to enjoy life," Neku grumbled, "he wouldn't be making it so damn difficult."
You tell him, champ. No one bothers you and gets away with it.
Neku walked a bit slower, disappointed.
"Well, I've waited this long."
But anyways, at that moment, unknown to our Neku, someone was listening. Someone who almost felt bad for him. Someone who did feel bad for him. Someone who couldn't quite understand why they felt bad for him.
Still feeling defeated, Neku walked into the Dead God's Pad, turning the corner cautiously.
"Fancy seeing you here," the blonde's voice echoed, though he was seemingly nowhere to be found in the room.
Neku almost gasped. Almost.
"Josh?" and hoo, boy, the panic in his voice was almost loud enough to be heard, "stop hiding, you prick!"
So, with a quick change of frequency and a gust of wind so strong as to make Neku shield his face, our favorite prissy kid entered the picture, perched, albeit awkwardly, on the arm of one of the couches.
"You're certainly the last person I'd expect a visit from, Nekkun. You wanted to see me?"
Neku stopped where he stood. He'd been hoping for months to see that face, and now he didn't know what to do.
"N-no." Neku stammered, in a tone that was a bit too relieved for anyone to believe that.
"But here you are," the Composer laughed, "Isn't that interesting?"
Neku glared.
"Well," Josh hesitated, "I suppose there's no point in bothering you about it."
An awkwardness threatened to fill the air. The boys broke eye contact. What do you say in a situation like this? Neku certainly didn't know.
The ginger boy looked around as he cleared his throat.
"So cold," whined the smaller boy, hiding his uncertainty. "You came all this way to ignore me?"
All this way. He had come all this way.
Just so that he wouldn't have to ignore Josh.
Oh, but of course he couldn't say it, he wasn't about to admit that he was acting like a total fucking pansy ass about it, nope, no way. The blonde looked back over at Neku. "Hm."
More silence.
"Why didn't you come back?" Neku blurted in a panic, immediately wishing he hadn't. There goes his anti-pansy ass plan.
Josh looked confused. "What are you talking about?"
Neku rolled his eyes, frustrated, though I suppose that's instant karma for asking so soon. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, dumbass."
That was true. "And why should I answer that?"
...Really? Was that meant to be distracting?
Neku narrowed his gaze, shifting his eyes to meet Josh's.
"How about," he snapped, frustrated but still going along with it, maybe for fun, maybe for who knows why honestly, maybe because he wanted to, maybe- "because I'm asking you?"
The blonde smiled. Did he always smile like that? "Oh, Neku,"
The former proxy raised an eyebrow.
"How long the days without you have felt."
Neku blinked, his face softening in surprise. Honestly, of all the things for Josh to say. Of course, the Composer didn't mean that...
Neku looked away, wrinkling his nose a bit and reestablishing his Hey-Wait-I'm-Pissed-At-You-Stop-Being-Like-That glare as he reached to mess with his hair, a sort of nervous habit at this point. No way he'd let himself look surprised for more than a second, certainly not in front of Josh.
...Or did he?
Whatever, it didn't matter how Josh felt about Neku. Well, to a certain extent at least. I think. Maybe.
"You gonna answer or not?"
Josh looked down at the fish.
"I don't believe I'm required to tell you anything. Now, what do you want?" Well, wasn't he just in the perfect mood for this sort of thing.
Wait, was it a bad mood, or was the Composer getting antsy?
"I want..." Neku paused. What exactly did he want? Did he want to act like nothing had ever happened and sing sunshines and rainbows with Josh? No, ew, gross. Not that. Not that, then what?
I can assure you, dear reader, that Neku had no clue.
He weighed his options: make up some random, confrontational reason for coming to see Josh, or try his best to explain why he really came. I suppose, why delay the inevitable?
It seems our little protagonist agrees.
"I wanted..."
"Yes?"
"I wanted...to see you."
The blonde's eyes sparkled a bit at that. Whether, it was hope or amusement, I couldn't say.
"So indecisive. One minute you ignore me, and the next, you say you came all the way here just to see little old me?"
Ne- Actually, no. I'm not even going to try to describe his desire to sucker-punch Josh into next week.
"Well," our petite prince began, uncrossing his legs and crossing them the other way, "you're here. Now what?"
In all honesty, Josh was just as unsure about this whole situation as his former proxy was. He slid off the arm of the couch and walked slowly towards Neku, standing a few feet in front of him.
"I, uh, don't know" Neku was almost laughing as he looked away, "I didn't think I'd get this far."
At this, the Composer laughed a loud, genuine laugh, causing our protagonist to look back in his direction.
"Come on, Nekkun, I'll take you for some ramen."