Work Text:
I see you getting sad
I see it running through your blood
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It was a dim day, a rare one where the clouds blocked out the sun Konoha and made the town seem dark and sad. Sakura headed into a tavern she frequented regularly, not by choice unfortunately, it seemed to be the only place that stocked the Hokage’s prefered sake. Going to the bar the manager instantly recognised her and told her it would just be a minute while he went to the cellar. Not having much to do she had a quick glance around the bar and was surprised when she saw a familiar nest of grey hair sitting in the furthest booth, instead of his usual book in hand he was pouring more sake into the cup he had in his hand.
Walking over she leaned against the opposite booth and smiled in his direction, “A bit early for drinking isn’t it Kakashi, next thing you know you’ll be drinking with Tsunade at her desk.”
After taking a swig of the drink he had just refilled he looked up at her, the skin at the top of his mask a hint of red, “Mah, Sakura what brings you to this dive this afternoon?” his eyes closed to indicate a smile under his mask.
“Just running some errands for Tsunade, I’m not even her student anymore and she still makes me do her booze run every now and then,” she sat down in the seat opposite him and then a thought struck her, “Why are you here so early? You barely even drink when Team 7 have their outings?”
He finished the drink he had and poured another, “Some days are days to sit in the corner of a bar and drink,” his doleful tone made her pause for a moment.
It was barely three in the afternoon and here was her former teacher drinking, if it were Tsunade she wouldn’t think anything of it. After the war when Sasuke had returned their team had bonded much closer, now all adults and on an even playing field all six of them would have a team dinner at least once a month if missions allowed. While Kakashi had still remained mostly an enigma she knew that he didn’t just read Icha Icha but had a vast collection of books, she knew how much he loved his dogs and how he’d always buy them the fanciest dog biscuits, she knew what had happened with his father and team. And she knew this wasn’t normal. She watched a for a while as he slowly poured out the sake and stared into the cup for a few seconds before drinking it quickly, repeating the process every few minutes.
The bartender appeared next to their table and slid the bottle onto the table quietly and took the money Sakura handed him and disappeared again, “Guess you better get back to your errands,” across from her she could see the same smile he had when she had arrived but something about seeing it now it didn’t seem right. Now racking her brain she tried analyze if he had always smiled this way or was it just now.
Before her mouth could catch up with her brain she blurted out, ”Are you ok?”
The part of her that knew Kakashi knew he wouldn’t give an honest answer.
“Hmm, I’m fine Sakura, how are you?”
Even without hearing her answer he continued as before as Sakura tried to assess the situation. She could tell something was wrong, even though her field was dealing with physical and visible injuries she had been taught the basics of mental health. It still surprised her in a society where people put their lives and mental wellness on the line every day there was very little support or research into mental illnesses, even with the war happening only a year or so ago. With Kakashi it would be hard to get him to open up but she was willing to put in the effort if it would help.
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I’ll never know your troubles
I only know what’s mine
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At the age of 26 Sakura realised she was hopelessly in love with Kakashi Hatake.
It was a rather sad moment of acceptance in her office as she was reviewing her submission to Tsunade for a mental health clinic to be built, and hoping to tag on a compulsory training program for all healthcare staff. Giving the booklet a final look over she realized that the past 8 or so years of her work had stemmed from Kakashi. Since their meeting at the bar she had sought him out more, spending more time as a pair than she did as a team. While her goal had been to help him come out of his shell she just felt as if she had been drawn into his, something she didn’t mind. On nights she found she couldn’t sleep she would walk the same route and more often than not his light would be on, sometimes perched on the roof, Icha Icha in hand. When she wanted peace from the hospital and her duties Kakashi’s home became her refuge where they would both sit and read in silence til they realized hours had passed.
On the rare occasion he sought her out they’d always end up at their usual training ground, leaning against the widest tree. While they did go to train she suspected he enjoyed the break afterwards most where they would relax and read, occasionally chat if Kakashi was feeling particularly social. Her hands covered her face as she felt it burn bright red. She looked forward to those training days more than going to the teahouse with Ino and the girls. She enjoyed the thrill of training against the famed copy-nin and the contrast of a content Kakashi afterwards. It was the most relaxed she had ever seen him, he had only started initiating the meetings in their friendship just over a year ago but she still cherished every time he made the decision to do so. It was those moments she felt closest to him. After a stressful and exhilarating spar she felt the time after was the purest moments. When they were both exhausted, drained and minds blank, only able to sit and enjoy the breeze through the forest and each others company.
She couldn’t help a bitter laugh as she felt tears start to fall. She always fell for the most unattainable of people.
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Can’t pretend to feel what I cannot
That’d be crazy
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Kakashi stopped mid-attack and just looked at her as if she was crazy, “What did you say?”
She was an idiot.
There they were right in the middle of an intense spar and she ruined it. Everything she ruined because her stupid mouth wanted to ask him on a date. Right as their kunai locked together in battle her mouth betrayed her brain again and suggested they should date.
A few moments of silence awkward filled the surrounding area as neither ninja had moved away from the fight, Kakashi looking intently into her eyes with confusion and what she could only assume was pity. She couldn’t stand to see that look in his eye. Quickly she turned from him and laughed loudly and what she hoped was convincingly, “I was just kidding! Wanted to see if I could catch you off guard! Guess it worked too well!”
Once she had composed herself she turned back to him, his stance now (almost) relaxed as he fidgeted with his kunai, “Ok, truce I guess,” he offered his hand to her.
She briskly shook his hand, satisfied that the awkward atmosphere had dissipated and went to sit next to their usual tree, picking up the book she had left, making a point to not look at her fellow ninja as he sat next to her.
They sat for a good hour or so in mostly silence, the only noise being leaves rustling in the wind or a page being turned before Kakashi spoke up, “Why did you think that would be the best tactic?”
She looked up from her novel, completely confused as to what he was talking about. He elaborated, “Why did you think a date would be the best distraction? I’m curious for strategy purposes.”
She blinked at him a few times before her mouth opened, no words came out and she was stuck. She closed it again to regain some composure, the only excuse she could tell him was she thought it would be unexpected and she was relying on the shock factor.
He laughed lightly, “Well yes it was definitely a shock, wouldn’t have thought you’d want to go out with an old man like me anyway.”
She frowned at his words, “You’re not that old, anyone would be lucky to date you if you actually bothered with it, come to think of it in all the years I’ve known you I’ve never seen you with anyone,” the tiny romantic part of her left from childhood was shouting in the back of her mind that maybe he’d been waiting for her but she knew that was stupid.
“Mah, I’ve never been one for relationships, I couldn’t see myself being like Asuma and Kurenai.”
“No one says you have to be like them, all relationships are different. I’m sure if you bothered you’d find someone you could be happy with and they’d be lucky too,” she cringed slightly at her own words.
For the first time in a long time Sakura could say for certain that Kakashi’s smile was genuine. Even half covered just the shift of his mask changing into what she could tell was a small but honest smile made her heart flutter and ache at the same time. God what she would give to see his bare smile, but it seemed as if he didn’t even consider her as a romantic partner in the slightest. Too caught up in her own feelings she eventually caught onto Kakashi beginning to pack up and suggest they go out for lunch to their regular haunt.
Making their way back into town he jokingly said, “And remember this isn’t a date,” his tone suddenly turning serious, “so I’m not paying for you, I’m still working off my debt from the last team dinner out.”
She let out a small laugh at him, feeling a little bad but he did deserve it a little for all the bills he skipped out on.
“What if they’re doing couples lunch deals, they do that some days.”
“Then, you are very lucky because you have just won a date with the one and only copy-ninja,” he struck a Gai-like pose, “Kakashi Hatake, terms and conditions apply payment for date not included.”
Full on laughing in his face she sincerely hoped the red she felt on her face could be written off as embarrassment from seeing the infamous copy-nin pull a Gai pose but she would happily play along with their charade if he would
“Well I hope the terms and conditions means I get a walk home afterwards.”
“What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t.”
She could only feel her face get warmer as her and Kakashi left for their ‘kind of date but not really a date’ date.
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I’ll love you anyway with all your demons in the way
Nothing can keep us apart
I walk through walls into your heart
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She woke up to screaming and the glare of her alarm clock bright in her eye. It was just after 3am, not a few seconds later the screaming stopped and the figure next to her began to shake. She turned round to find Kakashi sweating and shaking, mumbling words under his breath she couldn’t hear. Automatically slipping into medic mode she gently placed her hand between his head and pillow and slowly began to feed healing chakra into him. It took a few minutes but his body began to relax and he quietened down, taking a few deep breaths before opening his eyes to look straight at her.
“Do you normally get night terrors?”
“This is why I didn’t want to stay over.”
They had been dating for quite a few months now and had been taking it slow, both happy to do so. It was only within the past few weeks their relationship had progressed past kisses on the couch and outside her front door. Even when Sakura insisted she was comfortable moving forward with their relationship Kakashi still seemed hesitant, even when they did he would never stay the night. The silver-haired man at least had the decency to leave a note with some terrible excuse but Sakura never questioned him, she knew he still needed to adjust to the change.
“Kakashi I think we sh-,” he interrupted her as he sat up, “Sakura, please,” a desperate tone in his voice as he pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes in frustration.
She could only rest her hand on his back, swirling it in an attempt to soothe him. She felt so helpless as the man she loved started to move and gather his clothing," I should leave.”
She could feel tears start to gather in her eyes, “Please don’t.”
Pulling his head through the neck of his jumper his face turned pained as he saw her cry, before she realized it he had sat in front of her and began wiping her tears away.
“This is always going to happen. I’m always going to make you cry.”
Confusion filled her face at his words.
“If I’m here I’m going to ruin you. I can’t remember the last time I had a full night sleep, I’m hopeless and worthless and I can’t put you through that,” he moved to stand up from the bed but she caught his shirt and held him in place.
She dug her face into his shirt tears still rolling down her cheeks, keeping him in place and taking in the scent of him, “Please Kakashi, don’t leave I-I know it’s not going to be perfect but I love you,” she felt him go still at her last words but she continued, “I know I can’t understand what you’ve gone through but I’m here for you no matter what, even if you don’t want to be with me I want to be there for you.”
His body relaxed the slightest, one of his hands rubbing her back, the other resting on her thigh, “I can’t ask that of you.”
She pulled her face away from his chest to look at him directly, a determined look on her face, “You’re not asking, I’m offering.”
It was that moment where she could see his mask break just a little, his eyes began to tear up, his face turning red from trying to hold back the tears that were trying to escape. He swiftly pulled her into a tight hug digging his face into her neck he choked out a whisper, “It’s not going to be easy. It’ll take time and we won’t always be happy.”
She could barely reply to him, her own voice caught in her throat.
“I don’t mind.”
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I don’t mind, I don’t mind
I don’t mind, I don’t mind