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Winter finally settled in Lima, Ohio, forcing Kurt to wear even more layers than usual and retire his doc martens for something a bit sturdier. Some things had changed since fall ended. Most things, however, stayed the same, save for now being covered in a layer of ice.
Kurt, for instance, was still a great listener. He prided himself on being the person everyone came to with the latest gossip, always knowing how to look the perfect ratio of outraged and scandalized. He was a natural for interjecting with sympathetic hums and the occasional “She did not.” But this time was different.
“Why are you defending him?” Blaine demanded, clearly frustrated. The bench outside of The Gap suddenly felt too small for the two of them.
“I’m not.” Kurt insisted. He wasn’t. Was he?
“You’re rationalizing it.” Blaine pointed out, pouting a little in way that would’ve distracted Kurt a few months ago, but now hardly fazed him.
Sebastian and Blaine were having one of their infamous arguments. And apparently, Kurt had already picked a side.
From what he understood of the situation, Sebastian had definitely acted tactlessly. He’d organized an emergency Warbler’s meeting without Blaine’s knowledge, and had proposed an organizational change on how they auditioned people for solos. A backhanded tactic, yeah, but not that farfetched from something Kurt probably would have done himself.
Kurt pursed his lips, trying to think of the best way to phrase what he wanted to say next. “Can I be honest with you?”
“You always are.” Blaine conceded, irritation fading to genuine gratefulness.
“You know all those stories I tell you about Rachel?” Kurt started. Blaine nodded, eyes narrowing. Oh, he was not going to like this. “You’re kind of…Dalton’s Rachel.”
Blaine huffed out a laugh, but the smile dropped off his face when he saw Kurt wasn’t laughing with him. “You’re serious.”
“Not like…look, if anything, you’re more likeable. And that’s part of the problem.” Kurt admitted. “People have a hard time saying no to you.”
“You say no to me all the time.” Blaine pointed out.
Now I do, Kurt thought. It hadn’t always been so easy.
“I’m just saying. I know how it feels getting sidelined. This is just Sebastian’s way of…expressing his frustration. He’s still on your team.”
Blaine didn’t seem happy with that explanation. But it would have to do. He was silent for a few more moments before forcing a smile.
“Thanks.” He said, and Kurt could tell he was trying his best to mean it. “You always know just what to say.”
Kurt suddenly wished he hadn’t said anything at all.
“Did you tell Blaine he was like the hobbit?” Sebastian asked, moving Kurt’s bag to sit in the chair next to him.
“Hello to you too.” Kurt said, closing his book. Apparently no coffee shop in town was a safe haven from the Dalton boys. Kurt had seen three telltale blue and red blazers over the course of an hour. A fashion abomination on most, but he had to admit Sebastian wore it well.
And he had to stop thinking things like that, because one day he’d accidentally say it out loud, and Sebastian would never let him live it down.
“Did you?” Sebastian asked again, and Kurt knew he wouldn’t drop it until he got a definitive answer.
“If you’re referring to Rachel, then I may have drawn a comparison.” He admitted.
“He’s pretty pissed.” Sebastian informed him. “Almost enough to forget how mad he is at me.”
Kurt sighed. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. “You’re welcome.”
“Not that I need anyone defending my honor,” Sebastian continued, “But it’s kind of hot when you do it.”
Kurt wrinkled his nose. “I wasn’t defending you.”
“Liar.” Sebastian grinned, before taking a sip of Kurt’s coffee and blanching. “How do you not have diabetes?”
“I’m sorry my coffee isn’t to your liking.”
“As you should be.” Sebastian said, getting up to order his own. Kurt tried to sneak a couple more paragraphs of his assigned reading in but couldn’t focus, not with the possibility of Blaine being mad at him still on his mind.
He wished he didn’t care so much. And at one point he didn’t, had become callous to how others felt about him. But then people actually started liking him, befriending him, actually wanting to be around him. For the first time, people saw something in him that made them want to stick around. And he was so spoiled with it that the mere thought of someone being mildly upset with him was enough to unsettle him.
Sebastian sat back down loudly, but Kurt made sure to keep his face in the book, just to avoid those eyes that seemed to see right through him.
“So studious.” Sebastian mused, but didn’t press the issue for a change, instead whipping out his laptop to do some work of his own.
Kurt eventually felt himself relax and actually started reading again, the two of them working in comfortable silence save for the white noise of the people around them.
Blaine and Sebastian lasted a record-breaking six days without talking to each other before calling a shaky truce. Kurt told himself, repeatedly, that this was a good thing. But there was a more selfish underside to all his thoughts; one that wished the feud had lasted longer. Deep down, he liked the discord. He liked being first choice. He wondered if Sebastian would understand that. He’d die before he asked.
The afternoon of the truce he was walking out with Santana after Glee rehearsal, the two having stayed back a little after so she could show him how to do that hip thing he hadn’t quite mastered.
“Just remember: It’s all about the ass. You swing it to build momentum.”
"I’m kind of lacking in that department.”
Santana leaned back to check him out. “You have a little booty. A booty junior.”
The two of them were in fits of laughter on the way out, Kurt waving goodbye before heading into his car. He checked his phone while waiting for his car to heat up, pausing when he saw a text from Blaine:
'Hey. Quick q. Weird thing, really…but has Sebastian been weird w you lately?? Like, flirty and stuff? It’s a thing he does with my friends to get under my skin.’
Kurt gripped the steering wheel, surprised by the wave of irritation that washed over him. Blaine didn’t seem to take nearly as much issue when Sebastian was downright cruel to him. That he could handle. But god forbid Sebastian get too friendly. That’s where his line was.
Maybe, just maybe, Sebastian was flirting—if he even was flirting—because he liked Kurt, a thought that got less and less terrifying as it was overshadowed by his annoyance at Blaine. Did Blaine fashion him that unattractive, that unlovable that the only reason Sebastian would ever flirt with him was to annoy someone else?
Is that how Kurt thought of himself?
He’d ask. That’s exactly what he’d do. The next time he saw Sebastian he’d simply ask.
The opportunity came a few days later, when the two of them ventured out to a coffee shop in Fort Shawnee, which doubled as a bar at night that Sebastian frequented from time to time.
The sidewalks were blanketed in fresh snow from that morning, the two of them creating fresh prints as they walked into the coffee shop.
“It looks so different in the light.” Sebastian mused, hanging his coat up in the front then sitting down by a small table near the windows. The barista swung by and he ordered their usual. Kurt tacked on two croissants to the order, ignoring Sebastian’s squawking about it being too early for carbs.
“We don’t all have your metabolism.” He complained. “If I ate cheesecake every day I could kiss these abs goodbye.”
“Well there’s a reason I don’t strut around shirtless.”
Sebastian laughed. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
“When have you ever seen me naked?”
Sebastian paused to think about it, before saying, “Huh.” in mild surprise.
When their coffee arrived they both took long, appreciative sips before starting their respective schoolwork. Kurt noted to himself that Sebastian was normal today, as normal as the two of them ever got. Maybe it really was all in Blaine’s head. But still, he set out to ask, so he’d ask.
“Are you and Blaine still okay?” He started.
“Sure. I mean, he’s still kind of bitter but he’ll get over it.” Sebastian said, eyes never leaving his notebook.
“He said something kind of weird the other day.”
“Yeah?” Sebastian finally looked up, albeit briefly.
“He sort of suggested that you’ve been…well, flirting with me? I guess to irritate him or something.”
Sebastian paused momentarily, just long enough for Kurt to notice. “Maybe he’s just jealous.”
“Of us?”
“Of you. Of me. Who’s to say?”
Kurt rolled his eyes and returned back to his trig. Clearly Sebastian was having one of his more quiet mornings, set with being cryptic and burying his head in work.
A full two minutes passed before he spoke again. “And what do you think?”
“Hm?” Kurt looked up.
“Am I flirting with you?” Kurt couldn’t tell how serious he was, his face deceptively neutral save for a slight smirk. But his voice did adopt a different quality, one he’d heard before directed at nearly everyone but him.
“I…uh, no?”
“Do you want me to be?” He was grinning now. A game, then.
“How am I supposed to answer that?” Kurt practically stammered.
“Kidding.” He said, grin easing into a more comfortable smile. “You can stop blushing now.”
“Shut up.” Kurt mumbled, feeling his cheeks with the back of his hands.
“And you can tell Blaine that I don’t need to use youto get under his skin.” Sebastian said, more serious now. “I have other methods.”
“I will not be relaying that message.” Kurt shook his head, turning back to his text book.
Another few days passed without Kurt giving Blaine's comment a second thought. That is, until Kurt’s doorbell rang at two in the morning, cutting into his deep dive into Sex and The City Internet forums. He was forced to hop out of bed and answer the door before it woke up the entire house. And standing there was just who he suspected it would be, looking absolutely every bit as disheveled as one would look at such an hour.
“I’m sorry.” Sebastian said, and it took peaking over his shoulder to realize he had parked—rather badly—on their curb.
Kurt was alarmed by a number of things, namely that he drove all the way to Lima clearly inebriated.
“Get in.” Kurt said, ushering him inside. “It’s freezing. Jesus.”
“I don’t know why I’m here.” Sebastian said, even as he walked further into the living room. “Sorry. I should go.”
“Stop saying sorry.” Kurt interjected. “I can drive you home?”
Sebastian shook his head. “Don’t want to see that asshole.”
“Which asshole?” Kurt asked casually, which made Sebastian smile a bit despite himself.
“My dad. Obviously.”
“Obviously.” Kurt mocked, moving them from the foot of the steps into the kitchen so everyone wouldn’t hear the commotion. He got a glass of water and turned around to see Sebastian sitting cross-legged on the floor. He almost laughed but refrained, kneeling down to his level to offer it to him.
Sebastian stared at it, not taking it. “Why are you so nice to me?”
Kurt could’ve answered that it was because he’d heard him mention his father more times over the past few minutes than he had for four months, but he thought that would be insensitive. So he shrugged.
Sebastian eyed him warily in turn, but took the glass, drinking it in gulps. It seemed to provide a moment of clarity for him. “I’m not usually like this.”
Kurt knew that to be true. He was someone who could handle his liquor, who seemed to grow surer of himself the more he drank. Drunk Sebastian was a Sebastian at home in his own skin. Except for that one night, on his back porch when smoke rose between them in gray coils.
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” Kurt teased, which earned him another smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not much to say.” Sebastian said, although Kurt doubted that could be true. “You wouldn’t get it, anyway.”
“You sound so sure.”
“You actually like your family.” He pointed out.
Kurt wanted to protest, wanted to point out that it wasn’t all smooth sailing. But this wasn’t about him. And besides, Sebastian was right. He would never get it completely. He wasn’t a Smythe or an Anderson, and could never relate to the two of them on that level.
“Then why are you here?” He asked, getting a little frustrated. It was just like Sebastian to show up and be so close yet hold him at a distance.
“Well, I saw your face on an ad about single men in my area…”
“Sebastian.” Kurt said shortly.
“Blaine’s still mad at me.” Sebastian said bluntly, and Kurt couldn’t deny the pang of jealousy he got. Always second choice.
Kurt could see the wheels spinning in Sebastian's head as he debated whether or not to say any more.
“I went to Scandals, was gonna hookup with some guy, spend the night at his house.” He admitted, finger tracing the rim of his glass of water, eyes trained on the tile floor.
“But you came here instead.” Kurt pointed out.
“Because I heard your stupid voice in my head.” Sebastian said, actually looking pained at the confession. There was an implicit not Blaine’s hidden in there somewhere, but this suddenly didn’t feel like such a good thing. Sometimes, Kurt got the feeling that Sebastian resented him. And he wanted to hate him right back, just like he used to. It would’ve been an easy way of explaining the feeling he carried around with him sometimes whenever he thought of him, that rested in his stomach and sometimes rose up his throat like bile.
“You’re upset.” Sebastian said, interrupting his train of thought.
“Maybe a little.” Kurt admitted.
“I don’t like you when you’re upset.” Sebastian mumbled, then winced once he realized what he said.
Kurt sighed, standing up. “Are you hungry? You should probably eat something.”
“Kurt…”
“Yes?” Kurt said, but didn’t turn around, rummaging his cabinet for food.
“I’m not that drunk. Quit mothering me.”
Kurt turned to see Sebastian glaring at him, with concentration that could only be mustered by someone who was completely wasted. He sat back down on the kitchen floor and spread his findings between them, which consisted of oatmeal raisin cookies, a half finished bag of potato chips, a yogurt, and a pack of saltine crackers.
“Eat.” He ordered.
And cue the twitch. Like clockwork. Like a frequent word in this new language that the two of them had created together. “Your snacks suck.” He mentioned, reaching for a cookie.
Kurt rolled his eyes. “You’re impossible, you know that?”
“Made you smile though.” He said, nudging him.
Maybe he wasn’t that drunk after all.
As time went on Sebastian slowly sobered up, the two of them passing time on the kitchen floor and talking about everything except the reason Sebastian was there to begin with. His father, who Kurt hadn’t seen as much as a picture of, who it was easy to forget existed. Kurt wasn’t exactly at ease though, trying to be mindful of any creaking he may hear from upstairs. It was almost Sunday morning, which meant most of the house would be sleeping in. But still. He would have no explanation as to why he was hosting a stranger in the house at three in the morning.
“Wanna go somewhere?” Sebastian asked, seeming to sense Kurt’s unrest.
“Yeah. Bed.” Kurt deadpanned.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt your beauty sleep.” Sebastian said. “Guess I’ll have to smoke these by myself.” He said, waving two joints in front of Kurt, dangling from his fingers like bait on a fishhook.
Well that changed things. And the knowledge that Sebastian was sitting there for nearly an hour with those in his pocket, waiting for an opportune time to tempt him was…interesting.
“You don’t play fair.” Kurt pouted, earning him a chuckle.
“Life isn’t fair, darling.”
Kurt glared at him, still not making any move to leave.
“Come on, keep me a little company.” Sebastian said. “You owe me.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “How does that work, exactly?”
“I’m here instead of getting laid.”
“It’s freezing out.” Kurt pointed out, trying to talk himself out of going on this dumb adventure.
“Well then.” Sebastian said, standing up. “You better grab a coat.”
And that’s how Kurt found himself starting up his car at three in the morning, still in his pajamas with the addition of a winter coat and his boots, with Sebastian Smythe in his passenger seat radiating a different kind of smugness.
“Where are we going, exactly?” Kurt asked, as he pulled out of the driveway.
“Nearest park.” Sebastian said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I thought I was supposed to be the sheltered one.”
“It’s offset by your endless quest for thrills to give meaning to your sad, rich life.”
Sebastian actually laughed. “Fuck off.”
“You’re such a stereotype.” Kurt continued. “Daddy issues and all.”
“So you’ve got me pegged, huh?” Sebastian teased.
“Yup.” Kurt said, driving slightly above the speed limit on the mostly empty roads. “Let’s just say I’ve seen this movie a few times.”
“So how does it end?”
“Hm.” Kurt pretended to think. “I think there’s some sort of redemption arc? If we’re lucky.”
“Redemption.” Sebastian repeated, shaking his head. “You watch too many movies.”
“Maybe.” Kurt conceded.
“And I don’t hate my dad.” Sebastian added. “He just pisses me off, sometimes.”
And well, that was something Kurt could understand. He didn’t exactly always see eye to eye with his Dad, either. But he had different coping mechanisms, he supposed.
They pulled up to the park by the town’s library, Kurt putting it in park before his hands returned to clutching the steering wheel. This didn’t feel private enough.
Sebastian was already opening the car door, making a beeline for one of the park benches. Kurt took one, two deep breaths before following after him, sitting directly across from him.
“It’s so cold.” Kurt said again, just in case Sebastian had forgotten.
“Very.” Sebastian agreed, teeth chattering. “And yet here we are. Two drug addicts in a pod.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Speak for yourself.”
“This’ll warm you right up.” Sebastian promised, before sticking the joint in his own mouth, holding the lighter to the end of it until fire took. He handed it back to Kurt, no frills or teasing like that first time. Kurt hesitantly accepted it from him, lifting it to his own lips.
“Aw, I should’ve brought my camera.” Sebastian mused. “More precious than baby’s first steps.”
Kurt inhaled sharply and coughed, struggling not to laugh. “Shut up. Please.”
“Frame worthy moment.” Sebastian continued, taking it back from him.
“I’m begging you.” Kurt said, and Sebastian gratefully stopped talking to take a long pull, his eyes fluttering shut. It was truly something, watching him. Even in the dark, he could see Sebastian’s shoulders go lax upon exhale.
They continued to pass it back and forth, developing an unspoken rhythm between them. Less fluid than conversation, like a heart that skipped the occasional beat. If Sebastian knew Kurt had something on his mind, he wasn’t letting on.
There was a lull in the conversation, and Kurt barely caught the glint in Sebastian’s eyes before he was off and running towards the swing set, some unknown power compelling Kurt to follow after him, like there weren’t more than enough swings for the two of them.
Sebastian got there first, all those years of lacrosse and soccer serving him in all matters of endurance; Kurt sat in the swing next to him, out of breath and laughing.
“Warn a guy next time.” He said, although he was happy to see Sebastian’s spirits were up.
“Sorry, princess.” Sebastian said, genuinely. The nickname used to be a point of contention between the two of them, but now it was simply a vestige from who they used to be.
Sebastian didn’t bother swinging, just letting his body weight naturally rock him gently. Kurt followed in kind, the motion calming, in direct juxtaposition to the still night air. It called for a few moments of silence, for what or for whom Kurt had no idea.
Kurt could practically hear Sebastian break the silence with his thoughts before he even opened his mouth. He braced himself.
“Do you like, believe in God?” Sebastian asked instead, white teeth glinting in the darkness. For some reason, this question was funny to him. “Sorry. You don’t have to answer that. Inside joke.”
“No.” Kurt said in a quick rush, hoping Sebastian won’t judge him too harshly. The most surprising thing about Sebastian is how devout he was; it was the biggest contradiction. But Kurt never had the guts to ask about it.
“Hm.” Sebastian said, brows furrowed in thought. “He believes in you, you know.”
“Huh?”
“Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?”
Laughter bubbled up in Kurt’s chest before he could help himself, partly in surprise, but mostly in relief. “Funny.”
“I’m serious.” Sebastian said haughtily. “That’s what this is all about.” He said, gesturing between the two of them. What caught Kurt’s attention the most was that he was acknowledging there was a “this” worth discussing.
“Is it?”
“Yup. I’m trying to save your soul.” Sebastian insisted, fishing for his second joint. “I just uh…left my pamphlets at home.”
Kurt couldn’t help but snort. “What are you saying?”
Sebastian smiled and shrugged, but didn’t push the issue, simply lighting the second joint. Somehow, this didn’t surprise Kurt in the slightest. Sebastian did not seem like the type to push religion on anyone. Kurt didn’t know if this was born out of something noble, or a more base quality. It was just like Smythe to be selfish with his God.
“Thank you.” Sebastian said out of the blue, interrupting Kurt’s thoughts.
“For what?”
“For spending this time with me.” Sebastian said earnestly, in a way that made Kurt’s chest tighten.
Kurt wanted to say something witty or even mean, anything to diffuse the tension between them. But instead he opted for silence, decided to live in it. He let it wrap around him like a foreign, second skin.
“You think we could catch the sunrise?” Sebastian asked eventually.
“Don’t see why not.” Kurt reasoned, making a habit of indulging him.
“Good.” Sebastian said, lighting up the second joint.
Thank you. The words repeated themselves over and over in Kurt’s head. For spending this time with me.
Kurt let them wash over him, his stomach fluttering with that familiar feeling that was less pleasant than butterflies. Bats, then. A swarm of craven bats.
Kurt liked Sebastian, he realized. Maybe a bit too much. He dug his nails into his palm to center himself before turning his attention to the skyline, hyper aware of the beautiful person breathing in the cool night air next to him.