Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Siyeon didn't mind the dull colors. It was all she knew and, of course, all she could accept. That didn't mean she wasn't curious about color. She always wondered, especially when you found your soulmate, what would happen. Would every color bleed in gradually once you meet? Would everything change in a blink?

She asks Minji at one point, about what happened when she had met Handong. Minji rests her chin on her hand with a fond smile and a gleam in her eye. "It was like a blur," she says. "All the colors merged in at once and it was beautiful ."

There was a starry look in her eyes when she talked about it. Shortly after she met Handong, Minji dyed her hair. Orange was the color. Minji tries explaining it as simply as she can. "It's like… if happiness had a color," she said. "It's bright and happy."

Siyeon thought it was fitting for Minji and said as much. She wonders what color happiness could have. What would be her favorite color?

Days blur together easily for Siyeon and she feels like something's lacking. "Color," Yoobin says simply. Siyeon scrunches up her nose and shakes her head. She doesn't want to buy into the soulmate idea, but when she looks at Minji she wants to. She had never seen her smile so widely, never seen her as lively as she has been since she met Handong. She glances at Yoobin who's giving her a curious look. Siyeon swallows roughly and shrugs.

"I don't know," she says softly, and goes back to studying. The library is quiet, peaceful and too empty. It makes her antsy and the thoughts in her mind run rampant. She glances at the clock on the wall and sighs. She wasn't going to get anything done and it was already noon. "Yoobin," she calls, "Want to get lunch?"

Yoobin raises a brow and shrugs before closing her textbook. "We've only been at this for 40 minutes." Siyeon's lips form a line as she packs up.

A sigh leaves her mouth as she zips her bag and stands up. "I just can't focus today," she mutters. Yoobin eyes her warily before loading her things into her bag and following after her.

"You doing okay?" Yoobin elbows her gently as they walk out of the library.

"Just have a lot on my mind lately, don't worry," Siyeon says and hopes her smile is reassuring enough. Yoobin obviously didn't buy it but Siyeon couldn't blame her. She was a horrible liar.

When they get to the restaurant they usually frequented, Siyeon walks all the way to the back and sits down in a booth in the corner. She closes her eyes and leans back in the seat, a tired sigh leaves her lips and a growl in her stomach follows after. Yoobin snorts and waves over a waitress for some menus. The woman that approaches them isn't familiar, she's new and baby faced. "What can I get you?" she smiles and pulls out her notepad. Siyeon orders a cup of coffee and looks towards Yoobin who, to her surprise, seems dazed. "Hello?" Siyeon snaps her fingers in front of her and suddenly Yoobin blinks and shakes her head.

"Sorry," she laughs apologetically and gives her order. The waitress jots down on her notepad and smiles at both of them before leaving. Siyeon arches a brow at Yoobin who hasn't stopped staring. She finally notices and draws her attention back to Siyeon and awkwardly clears her throat. "What?" she asks.

Siyeon smirks and rests her chin on her hand. "Think she's pretty?" she asks. Yoobin blinks and quickly lets out a nervous laugh.

"What? No," she shakes her head and straightens in her seat. Siyeon squints at her with a teasing smile but her attention snaps to the loud sounds of laughter coming from the booth in front of them. Yoobin frowns and leans forward to rest her arms on the table.

"Have you talked to Minji lately?" Yoobin asks. Siyeon shakes her head slightly and stares out the window towards the sky. Her thoughts wander as she looks outside.

She always wanted to know what blue looked like. The sky was so vast and daunting and that was without color so she couldn't imagine what it'd look like without the usual lifeless gray filling it in. She draws her gaze back to Yoobin who was on her phone and sighs. The waitress comes back with Siyeon's coffee and smiles brightly at Yoobin when she places down her drink.

Siyeon glances at her name tag as she leans over the table. Yoohyeon, she furrows her brows. Yoobin tries striking up small talk and Siyeon bites down her smile. Yoobin was so obviously interested in her and Siyeon felt herself lighten up at the sight.

They spend a bit at the restaurant, talking about random things and making plans for the weekend. "Club tomorrow?" Siyeon suggests. Yoobin grimaces and shakes her head.

"I don't know," she says as she sips her drink.

"Ask the waitress out and ask her to join us," Siyeon wiggles her brows. Yoobin frowns at her and glances back towards the register where she is.

"I would, but I don't even know her name."

"It's Yoohyeon," Siyeon answers and gestures towards the name tag. Yoobin bites her lip and slowly exhales.

Siyeon waves the waitress over and asks for the bill, sending expectant glances towards Yoobin every few seconds. Yoobin purses her lips and kicks Siyeon's leg under the table, urging her to wait. They split the bill and patiently expect her return.

She feels excited, like she's about to watch a drama unfold and her best friend get the girl. Despite her expectations, that doesn't happen. As soon as Yoohyeon comes back, Yoobin freezes up and trips over her own tongue trying to thank her. She drops the change and they both bump heads trying to pick it up at the same time. They both apologize profusely, a bright red blush beginning to color their faces. Siyeon buries her face in her hands in embarrassment and sags into her seat.

"Oh my God," Yoobin groans into her hands as soon as she leaves. Siyeon can't help but snicker at Yoobin's pained expression and shakes her head.

"Write a note with the tip," Siyeon says, trying to salvage the situation. "Leave your number with an apology." Yoobin peeks through her fingers at her, an incredulous look on her face.

"Are you serious? I just embarrassed myself in front of her and you expect me to be able to ask her out?"

"If you don't do it, I will," she gives her a pointed look. Yoobin sits up in her seat immediately, knowing full well Siyeon would follow through.

With a huff, she gestures towards Siyeon's bag. "Give me a pen and paper." Siyeon smiles proudly as she watches Yoobin scribble down a short message followed by her number. She leaves a generous tip on top and places it on the table. Siyeon pats her on the back in support when they stand up which makes Yoobin roll her eyes. She laughs and starts heading for the exit until another loud laugh catches her attention. She glances back over her shoulder and it’s coming from the booth that was in front of them. A woman was laughing into her hand, her nose scrunched up and her eyes shut tight. A small smile forms on Siyeon’s lips and she continues with Yoobin on her way out.

Later that night, Siyeon finds herself lying awake in her bed, eyes wide and restless. She sighs and turns back and forth, unable to find a comfortable position. She glances at her alarm clock.

12:30 am. Great.

She rubs her eyes and sighs. She had an exam early in the morning and at this rate she was sure she wouldn’t be able sleep anytime soon. Desperate, she slips out of bed and pulls a hoodie from her closet. There was a corner store near her apartment that she figured would have something to help her sleep. She quickly makes her way down the stairs of her apartment complex and heads out the doors. The air was cool and the streets were surprisingly busy for the dead of night on a Thursday. She digs her hands into her pockets and walks down the block to the corner, feeling thankful it was so close.

A bell chimes as she walks in and glances around. She heads for the aisle with sleeping medicine and squints at all her options. “Is this off brand?” she mutters to herself as she examines a box.

“Need help?” a voice startles her from behind. Siyeon jumps slightly and turns. Her eyes rest on a woman leaning on a broom, smiling faintly at her. Siyeon furrows her brows slightly, sensing something familiar about her. She realizes she’s staring and quickly clears her throat.

“Uh, I’m just looking for some sleeping medicine,” she says with a wry smile. The woman raises a brow and sets the broom aside as she approaches. Siyeon swallows roughly as she leans over and takes the box from her hands. She gives it a once over before scrunching up her nose.

“If you’re looking for a real knock out I suggest this one,” she grabs a smaller box and hands it to her. Siyeon glances between the box and the woman with an unsure look. “Trust me,” she says and smiles. That’s when Siyeon recognizes her.

“Oh, I think I saw you earlier,” she says without thought. The woman raises her brows slightly in surprise and her smile turns a bit coy. “Sorry, that sounds a little creepy.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “No, you’re fine. I noticed you and your friend at the restaurant earlier too. I was in the booth in front of you. Yoohyeon, the waitress that served you, couldn’t stop talking about your friend once you left. You should’ve seen her reaction when she noticed your friend gave her her number.”

Siyeon blinks in surprise and lets out a short laugh. “Seriously? Wow, I’m glad that worked out. My friend was really embarrassed and almost didn’t. I threatened to do it myself if she didn’t.”

“Trust me, she’s more than happy,” she says before pausing. “I’m Bora by the way,” she smiles and holds out her hand. Siyeon hesitates for a moment before shaking it.

Bora... Purple?

“I’m Siyeon. I didn’t know you worked here. I’ve never seen you,” she glances around the store. Bora shrugs with a smile.

“Ah, I kind of just started. Cute pajamas by the way,” Bora glances down at her pants with a smile. Siyeon furrows her brows before looking down and immediately feeling embarrassment wash over her. She sighs with a tired smile. She just had to wear the pajamas with wolves on them tonight.

“Cute uniform,” Siyeon retorts making Bora roll her eyes. She wore a collared, striped shirt with a vest thrown over. It was the standard convenience store uniform but somehow it looked a little less drab on her. There was a certain charm to her that Siyeon couldn’t place her finger on.

“Cute? I think I make it look sexy,” Bora smirks and does a dramatic pose with the broom, trying to look as sensual as possible while sweeping.

“Please stop,” Siyeon’s face twists in embarrassment, throwing Bora into a fit of laughter. Despite the exhaustion creeping up on her, Siyeon laughs too.

Siyeon leaves shortly after, still shaking her head in embarrassment from Bora’s antics. Even though she’s known her for less than an hour, Siyeon thinks she likes her.

As soon as Siyeon gets home, she takes the medicine and patiently waits for sleep to take over. Her eyes slip closed slowly, her mind cycling through memories of today. The library, Yoobin, the  waitress and lastly Bora. Eventually, sleep claims her and she dreams of the sky, birds and clouds and all. She wishes it could at least be in color. She had always wished her dreams could be in color.

Friday blows by like nothing and before Siyeon knows it she’s messaging Yoobin about their plans for tonight. Yoobin responds within a minute, excitedly. Siyeon raises a brow at Yoobin’s strange use of emojis and laughs.

Siyeon: did something good happen today?
Yoobin: Yoohyeon texted me last night :)))

Siyeon: reallly?? how’d it go??

Yoobin: I asked her out for tonight so she’s coming with us, that’s cool right?

Siyeon bites her lip. She forgot she mentioned that to Yoobin yesterday and now that she was actually coming with them, Siyeon regrets it. She hated being third wheel. As she was thinking, Yoobin sent another text.

Yoobin: She asked if she could bring a friend along too, luckily you won’t be third wheeling.

She snorts. Yoobin knew her better than anyone else.

Siyeon: yeah thats cool and oh thank god. i really didnt want to be alone and watch you two awkwardly flirt.

Yoobin: Shut up. Don’t embarrass me tonight.

Siyeon scoffs at her phone and sends a string of angry emojis as a reply which Yoobin of course leaves on read. She huffs and flops onto bed, sparing a glance at the alarm clock on her nightstand. She stares up at the ceiling and suddenly feels a dead weight set in her chest. That same old feeling of something lacking in her life. The feeling that there was still an empty spot in her heart that only one thing could fill. She hates that she knows the answer to fixing that hollowness. It rests on the tip of her tongue and leaves a bitter taste in her mouth just thinking about it.

Soulmate, she grimaces.

It’s unfair, she thinks, that you need to love someone to see everything as it should be seen. That you’re robbed of the true beauty of the world until you meet that one person. It’s romantic on the surface, she supposes, but painful at its core. It hurt seeing her friends able to enjoy life in a way she couldn’t, not yet at least. But how long does she have to wait? What if she never finds that one person? Anxiety begins to brew in her chest and Siyeon immediately sits up, trying to shake off the feeling. She hates how much this has been gnawing at her lately, but after seeing how much color changed Minji she couldn’t stop wondering. Wondering about when it’d be her turn.

Before she knows it, it’s time to meet up with Yoobin. Siyeon gives herself a once over in the mirror and nods in satisfaction. A leather jacket always did her good. She flags down a taxi and tries relaxing during the drive there before spending the rest of the night on a crowded dance floor. When she finally gets there, she spots Yoobin with two other women. She recognizes Yoohyeon as she gets closer but not the other woman, that is until she turns around and makes Siyeon’s breath hitch.

It was Bora.

She looked different. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders in waves and she notices the heavy makeup on her. Even though Siyeon couldn’t tell the color of her lipstick or eye shadow, it looked dark and alluring. Bora’s lips curve into a cattish smile as soon as she spots her and Siyeon feels her mouth go dry at the look in her eyes. “You clean up nice, Siyeon,” Bora says as she looks her up and down. Yoobin gives the two of them a curious look and Siyeon feels a headache coming.

“You two know each other?” Yoohyeon asks.

“No-”

“We’re pretty good friends,” Bora smiles and swings her arm around Siyeon’s shoulders. Siyeon looks at her in surprise. Bora sends her a wink and before she knows it, she’s dragging her by the arm into the club.

It’s loud, as expected. Music blasts from the speakers above, a pulsating beat drowning out everything and everyone as Bora clasps Siyeon’s hand and leads her to the dance floor. Immediately, Bora starts dancing, hands above her head and a wide grin on her face. Siyeon’s at a loss for words and can’t help but stand there awkwardly as Bora lets herself loose. Bora notices her nervousness and smiles at her, “You need a drink first don’t you?” she says and surprisingly Siyeon’s able to hear her. She nods and Bora takes her hands again. Siyeon feels her pulse quicken at the contact and follows her as she parts through the heavy crowd.

Bora’s generous enough to buy her a few drinks and it doesn’t take long for Siyeon to loosen up. She feels a slight warmth stir in her chest as her eyes meet Bora’s. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol or Bora’s impulsiveness rubbing off on her, but she reaches for Bora’s hand and pulls her to the dance floor. Bora lets out a cheer and starts moving to the music, her hair swaying back and forth along with her movements. Siyeon feels herself get lost in the music, laughing with Bora and feeling strangely free. The strobe lights flash erratically across the dance floor and the bass of the song numbs out any and all thoughts in Siyeon’s mind. All she could focus on was Bora and the way she looked when she was swaying her hips.

There was an aura that she exuded when she danced. She almost seemed untouchable, too alluring to be real. There was a confidence in her that she hadn’t seen in anyone else and among everyone around them, Bora was the only one who stood out. Siyeon feels something tug in her chest when Bora’s eyes meet hers and she flashes a smile. “Like what you see?” she winks and Siyeon feels another stir in her chest.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she smirks.

After that night, Bora and Siyeon become fast friends. It’s interesting, really, how well they complement each other. Bora’s more of a free spirit than Siyeon which makes her try and pull her out of comfort zone almost constantly. Siyeon doesn’t mind though, mostly because she trusts her, maybe a little too much considering how reckless she can be. Siyeon starts to think she needed someone like her in her life, because ever since they met Siyeon’s never felt so happy. She’s never smiled this much and she’s never felt so excited waking up each morning.

For a while, Siyeon forgets about the hole in her heart and all the dull colors. Bora brings a new shade of color to her life and Siyeon thinks that’s enough. Over the next month, Siyeon notices the amount of time Yoohyeon and Yoobin spend together and watches them from the sidelines with Bora, teasing and groaning at their awkward romance. One day, Yoobin comes to Siyeon with a serious looks in her eyes and deep frown on her face. “You okay?” Siyeon asks as she sits down next to her. Yoobin inhales and exhales deeply, resting her hands on her lap and wringing them together.

“I don’t know how to say this,” Yoobin stares at the carpet. A silent spell falls over the space of her apartment and Siyeon starts growing more worried the longer Yoobin stays silent. She places a hand on Yoobin’s shoulder and squeezes it, hoping to comfort her. Yoobin glances at her with a small appreciative smile and takes another deep breath. “I can see color,” she says finally. Siyeon feels herself freeze and stares at Yoobin for what feels like an eternity.

“What?”

“I can see color.”

Siyeon blinks and tilts her head at Yoobin, a slow smile spreading across her face. “Oh my God, Yoobin,” she laughs. “Is it because of Yoohyeon?” she leans forward on the couch, expectant and excited. Yoobin laughs nervously and nods her head.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. But, uh, I’m really scared, Siyeon,” she finally admits. Siyeon frowns in confusion.

“What? Why?”

“What if I’m not her soulmate? What if she still doesn’t see color?” Yoobin bites the inside of her cheek. Siyeon raises a brow and crosses her her arms.

“Really, Yoobin? That girl’s head over heels for you, I don’t doubt for a second that you two are meant for each other.”

Yoobin looks at her, uncertainty written all over face. “I don’t know, Siyeon.”

“Take a chance and tell her, Yoobin. I know just from the look in her eyes that she loves you,” she urges her. Yoobin closes and opens her fists anxiously before closing her eyes and exhaling slowly.

“Okay,” she nods slowly. Siyeon gives her a hug and presses a kiss to her head which Yoobin tries to escape. “Thanks a lot for listening to me,” Yoobin smiles and walks towards the door. “I swear I’ll be here for you when it’s your turn,” she says before walking out.

Siyeon feels her chest tighten hearing Yoobin’s words and realizes that she’s the only one left among her friends that hasn’t found their soulmate. She was the only one still stuck in the colorless void. The excitement she felt just seconds ago vanished in a blink, leaving Siyeon alone and feeling despondent, the familiar ache in heart returning with a vengeance. Her phone chimes in her pocket and she reaches for it with a tired sigh.

Bora: yoohyeon can see color now shes freaking out

Despite her internal crisis, Siyeon still manages to smile at the text. She knew Yoohyeon and Yoobin were meant for each other.

Bora: she just cried over how pretty oranges look i need to get out of here

A laugh slips past her lips as she types out her response.

Siyeon: yoobin can see color too. she’s on her way too yoohyeon’s so you might want to dip. they’ll need the privacy.

Bora: gross. can I come over to your place?

Siyeon: please i need the company

Bora shows up quicker than Siyeon expected. She doesn’t even knock when she arrives and just walks in and flops on Siyeon’s couch. “Long day?” Siyeon raises a brow and laughs.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” she sighs and throws her arm over her eyes. Siyeon sits down on the couch with her, Bora raising her legs and then resting them over her lap. Bora stays quiet for a moment before speaking. “I have a question,” she says. Siyeon glances at her curiously.

“Yeah?”

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

Siyeon stares at her, caught off guard by the question and unsure how to answer. She purses her lips and looks away. “Yes and no, I guess. Why do you ask?”

She doesn’t respond right away. She stares up at the ceiling, a distant look in her eyes. “I don’t, well, I didn’t. I think it’s ridiculous how you have someone you’re destined to fall in love with and that you can only see the world in shades of black and white and gray until you do. It’s just unfair,” she huffs. Siyeon smiles slightly, completely unsurprised by her attitude. Bora liked to keep her life unrestricted, exciting but ultimately her own to control. It made sense that she disliked the idea of soulmates because that meant her love life wasn’t entirely hers to control. There was someone destined for her like everyone else which, truly, didn’t sit right with Siyeon either.

“Then, do you believe now?” Siyeon asks after a moment. Bora’s gaze meets hers and there’s a ghost of a smile on her lips.

“I guess. I think I look forward to seeing in color more than I look forward to falling in love.” Siyeon throws her head back as a bark of laughter slips past her lips.

“You’re ridiculous,” Siyeon smiles, feeling lighter than she did an hour ago. Bora grins and nudges her with her foot.

“Okay, but tell me you can’t say the same,” she says. “Haven’t you spent more time wishing you could see color rather than wanting to meet your soulmate?”

Siyeon and Bora lock eyes as Siyeon considers her answer. “Alright, you got me there,” she lets out a breathy laugh. Bora nods her head in satisfaction and stares back up at the ceiling. “All my friends have met their soulmates,” Siyeon says with a sigh. Bora doesn’t say anything, prompting Siyeon to keep talking. “It’s honestly eating me up inside. I just want to look at the sky and see what everyone else sees.”

Bora sits up suddenly, a serious expression on her face. “Hey,” she says softly and grabs Siyeon’s hand. “Trust me, you aren’t alone.” Siyeon glances down at their hands and feels something stir in her chest. She brushes it off as gratitude and looks back towards Bora. “I know how you feel, have known for 24 years. Life looks dull but I’m certainly not gonna let it feel like that.”

She feels her heart skip when Bora brushes a thumb over the back of her hand and Siyeon takes a deep breath. She takes a moment to link their hands together and smiles when Bora squeezes it. “You really don’t know how much it helped hearing that,” Siyeon looks up at her, hoping her eyes convey the appreciation she feels for having someone like her in her life. Bora gives a small smile and pulls Siyeon into a hug.

“You’re a really good person, Siyeon. Whoever your soulmate is, they’d be so lucky to have you,” Bora pinches her cheek, making Siyeon groan.

“I don’t care about soulmates, I think I’ll be fine as long as I have you,” Siyeon sighs. There’s an unreadable look in Bora’s eyes when she says that, but it’s gone as soon as it appears. She simply smiles and intertwines their hands again.

“Screw soulmates,” Bora smiles, “We have each other.”

“We have each other,” Siyeon repeats and it helps ease the ache in her heart for now.

Chapter Text

Another month flies by like nothing. Siyeon and Bora manage to spend more time together and at this point the two are inseparable. The private moment they shared back in Siyeon’s apartment felt like a silent promise between the two of them, that there layed a deep understanding between them and there was no undoing the bond they made.

Siyeon grows used to Bora’s touch and more often than not, Bora would link their hands together casually whenever they were out. It was surprising at first but now Siyeon thinks its one of her favorite things about Bora, her constant affection. Siyeon brushes off the inquisitive glances and questions Yoobin gives her. She brought up the prospect of Bora being her soulmate to her which immediately made Siyeon choke on her drink and deny.

“There’s no way,” Siyeon shakes her head as she coughs. Yoobin narrows her eyes, still unconvinced.

“You two are perfect for each other. You don’t think she’s the one for you?”

Her jaw clenches at Yoobin’s question. “If she were don’t you think I’d have fallen in love with her by now? That I’d be able to see color by now?” she frowns.

“Maybe you just need a little more time,” Yoobin says. “It took awhile for me and Yoohyeon, it could be the same for you.”

“Please drop it. Bora’s not my soulmate and I’m not hers. Stop talking about things that are never going to happen,” Siyeon snaps. It comes out more forceful than she intends to but she feels like she needs to get her point across. She didn’t want to think about soulmates, she gave up on them and she would appreciate if Yoobin quit instigating.

A deep frown etches itself onto Yoobin’s face and she takes a deep breath. “I just want you happy, Siyeon. I know it can’t be easy being the only one of us that still can’t see color.” Siyeon feels her eyes shut tight in frustration and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“I don’t need the reminder, Yoobin. Don’t worry about me, please. I’m fine,” she stresses. Yoobin thankfully drops the topic after that but it still leaves Siyeon in a sour mood all day.

She calls Bora, the only one who seemed capable of cheering her up. “Hey,” Siyeon says when Bora finally picks up.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I just had a lame day, can we hang out later?”

“Sure, your place?”

“Yeah,” Siyeon says with a smile. It was funny how just hearing Bora’s voice was enough to lighten her mood. Siyeon makes her way to her apartment and thankfully Bora is already there, waiting patiently. Bora smiles and Siyeon feels her pulse flutter when she sees it. They walk up the stairs together to Siyeon’s place and it takes a minute for Siyeon to find the keys to the door.

“Geez, you should really just give me a spare key considering how often you invite me over,” Bora says with a hand on her hip, amused at Siyeon still struggling to open the door. Siyeon snorts as she cycles through her keychain.

“You have a point, would you actually like one?” Siyeon glances at her. Bora raises a brow and stares off into the wall for a second.

“Well, I think so,” she grins. “I think I spend more time here than my own apartment, which I don’t mind since the company’s nice,” she winks at Siyeon. She feels that same flutter in her chest and laughs it off. Finally, she manages to get the door open and leads Bora in. “Mind if we have a few drinks?” she asks and nods her head towards the fridge. Siyeon shrugs, a little curious about the reason why.

Bora pulls out a few beers and tosses one to Siyeon. Luckily, she doesn’t drop it and pops it open. They find themselves on Siyeon’s couch as always, Bora’s legs resting on Siyeon’s lap and a comfortable silence falling over them. Siyeon glances at her and a strange warmth spreads within her chest. She guesses that it’s the alcohol and brushes it off. There’s a pensive look on Bora’s face and Siyeon can’t help but ask about it.

“You okay?” she nudges her. Bora blinks in surprise but smiles a moment later.

“Yeah, just felt like drinking with you tonight. I missed you,” she smiles. Siyeon rolls her eyes.

“We hung out two days ago.”

“Still, felt like I was missing my other half,” she takes a sip from her can. Siyeon smiles and reaches for Bora’s hand, brushing her thumb over the back of it and lacing their fingers together. She feels Bora tense a bit and glances up at her. There’s a distant look in her eyes that makes Siyeon frown.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Bora takes a long drink from her can before crushing it in her hand and placing it on the coffee table. “Don’t really want to talk about it, Siyeon,” she sighs and gets up. Siyeon furrows her brows as she watches Bora reach for another can. They talk about small things, school, work, friends and everything in between except for whatever was bothering her. Inevitably, Bora drinks a little too much and Siyeon can tell from the flush on her cheeks that she was drunk. When she reaches for another can, Siyeon stops her.

“Think you had enough for tonight,” Siyeon gives her a small smile. Bora whines, rests her head on Siyeon’s lap and lets out a dramatic huff.

“You’re too good to me, Siyeon,” she mutters, it’s a bit slurred but she can still understand. Siyeon brushes a few strands of hair from her face and looks down at her. Bora’s eyes are hooded, dark and dilated. “You’re so pretty,” she says.

Siyeon feels her heart skip upon hearing her words. “Sh, you’re just drunk,” Siyeon presses a finger to her lips. Bora doesn’t push her hand away, there’s an unreadable expression in her gaze. Their eyes stay locked together as Bora takes her hand and turns it over to press a kiss to it. Siyeon ignores the way her mouth goes dry and the way Bora’s touch leaves her skin feeling hot. “What are you doing?” Siyeon laughs nervously and retracts her hand. She knew Bora got clingy and affectionate when she was drunk, but not like this. There was something different about her touch, the way she looked at her.

A lazy smile spreads across Bora’s face as she sits up and presses a kiss to her cheek, her breath warm against Siyeon’s skin. Bora moves her hand to cup her cheek and Siyeon feels herself stiffen. “Bora,” she clears her throat and tries to remove her hand.

“Your soulmate is going to be so lucky,” she says, this time her voice a bit solemn. Siyeon furrows her brows and links their hands together.

“Is this what you’re upset about? Soulmates?”

There’s a silent beat that passes over them before Bora unlinks their hands and straightens up. “I’m tired,” she says suddenly and clears her throat. “Can I stay the night?” she looks at Siyeon expectantly.

Siyeon blinks, unsure of what just happened. “Of course, I’ll get the bed read-”

“Oh, I can sleep on the couch,” she interjects.

“What?” she furrows her brows, “We always share the bed.”

Bora bites her lip and runs a hand through her hair. “I know, but can I just stay on the couch?”

It takes a moment for Siyeon to give in and she brings her a blanket and pillow. Bora gives her a thankful smile and Siyeon retires to her own room for the night, but for some reason she isn’t able to sleep and her eyes stay fixed on the ceiling for what feels like an eternity.

Her hand unconsciously moves to her cheek where Bora kissed her and the memory makes her grow warm inside. She thinks about the way her pulse raced whenever Bora held her hand and the way she wished Bora had just slept in the bed with her. It’d been stressful lately, to handle Bora’s affection and she couldn’t figure out why. Why did Bora leave her heart racing, her pulse fluttering, a knot in her throat and her mind in a daze?

It takes a second for it all to connect but the realization leaves her breathless. She sits up wide eyed and groans into her hands, a deep sense of dread setting into the pit of her stomach. There was no way she had feelings for Bora, no way that she had fallen for her without realizing it.

She glances at the bedroom door and feels her chest tighten. Suddenly, she felt grateful Bora wanted to sleep on the couch. Her fingers dig into the sheets of her bed as she tries making sense of her feelings. Did she genuinely like her? Was its platonic adoration or something more? She thought about all the ways Minji’s touch never left her flustered, the way Yoobin never once made her heart race the way Bora did.

Siyeon falls back onto her bed with a hopeless sigh and tries ignoring the ache in her heart. The room feels empty, cold even without Bora at her side. She shakes her head, avoiding all the memories of nights Bora slept over and laid in her arms. She remembers the flush on her cheeks and the giddiness she felt whenever Bora curled deeper into her side and the more she thinks about it, Siyeon realizes she’s had these feelings from the start.

She doesn’t get much sleep that night. When she gets up in the morning to check on Bora, she notices the empty couch and the neatly folded blanket on the side. For some reason her heart sinks in her chest.

She furrows her brows when she notices a note on the coffee table and picks it up.

Sorry if I was too much last night. If I did anything stupid I’m sorry about that too.

Her jaw clenches tight as she reads the note and sighs through her nose. She tosses the note away and looks around at her empty apartment. It feels lifeless without her and Siyeon hates how her much she’s let her into her life without realizing it.

For the rest of the day Siyeon avoids Bora and she thinks Bora does the same.

They meet up a few days later but there’s a tension in the air whenever they’re around each other and Siyeon can’t tell if it’s her or Bora.

Her touch is hesitant, she’s slow to return affection and Siyeon bites her tongue to keep from asking but the curiosity burns her from the inside out. She wants to ask but isn’t sure how to phrase it. “Why are you afraid to touch me?” seems a little dramatic.

Did she know about Siyeon’s feelings? Was that why she wouldn’t meet her gaze anymore? She wishes she knew what she did wrong.

Siyeon’s with Minji shopping, she tagged along out of boredom mostly since Bora had flaked out on their original plans, which seemed to have been happening too often lately. A sigh slips past her lips as she waits for Minji outside the dressing room. She closes her eyes and leans her head against a wall, until a familiar loud laugh greets her ears. Her eyes shoot open and her mouth goes dry as she whips her head around to see where it came from.

It only takes a moment for Siyeon to spot her, to see her hands wrapped some man’s arm and her giggling into her hand. There’s a pang in her chest as she watches Bora lean into the man’s side the way she used to with Siyeon.

She ignored me for this?

“Hey, do you think this is too tight on me?” Minji asks as she steps out. Siyeon spares a quick glance and shakes her head, not even giving it much thought and wanting nothing more than to go home.

Minji notices her serious expression and frowns. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Siyeon says, but it’s unconvincing. Even if she tried she couldn’t lie to Minji or herself about how much she was hurting.

What happened to only needing each other?

Bora doesn’t mention the man and neither does Siyeon.

They have lunch together, it’s awkward and the conversation keeps falling flat. Siyeon hates it, hates that they were drifting apart and it was likely her fault. Bora clears her throat and pushes the food around on her plate with a fork. “What have you been up to?” Bora says, her voice hesitant.

She swallows the knot in her throat. “Oh, not much. I hung out with Minji the other day, it was nice.” Bora looks up at her for a second before looking back down.

“That’s nice, what’d you two do?”

“Ah, we went shopping. She wanted to get a dress to celebrate her anniversary with Handong. I wasn’t much help,” Siyeon lets out a breathy laugh and sips from her drink.

Bora furrows her brows. “Why do you say that?”

“I was just distracted for most of it,” Siyeon curls her hand into a fist under the table.

“I hope she got a yellow dress, she looks pretty in yellow,” Bora smiles.

Wait.

Siyeon stills for a moment. “What?” she says.

Bora looks up at her in confusion, “What?”

“Yellow,” Siyeon whispers and her heart kicks in her chest. “You can see color can’t you?”

Bora’s eyes immediately widen. “What? No, no, no I said that because-” she pauses and it’s obvious she has no idea what to say. Siyeon feels the sting of tears beginning to form.

“Siyeon I can explain,” Bora reaches for her hand. Siyeon quickly moves back and avoids her touch.

“You liar,” she hisses and there’s streaks of tears beginning to trail down her cheeks. “You found your soulmate didn’t you? That’s why you ditched me for that guy last week? You found someone else and now you don’t need me? You forgot about us ?”

She feels the glances from other people in the restaurant but she doesn’t care because all her mind could focus on was Bora. Like always, it was Bora clouding her thoughts and filling her mind.

“Siyeon, let's talk somewhere else,” Bora pleads as her eyes nervously flit around them. Siyeon clenches her jaw shut as she stands up.

“We’re done talking,” Siyeon says, hating the way her voice wavers. She doesn’t spare another glance at Bora as she walks away and heads home.

The tears on her face never stop falling.

Bora: that man wasnt my soulmate siyeon please believe me

Bora: please answer me

Bora: i want to see you siyeon please

Bora: i miss you

Siyeon shouldn’t be upset. She shouldn’t. Bora found her soulmate and she looked happy with him. It didn’t matter that she had feelings for her because she wasn’t her soulmate, she still couldn’t see color. She was being selfish, thinking her and Bora would only need each other.

“Talk to me, Siyeon,” Yoobin speaks softly.

She had nearly forgotten Yoobin was home with her. Siyeon’s rests her head on her lap and gazes off into the wall. “I’m not sure what to say,” she mutters.

“What’s going through your head?”

She hesitates for a minute, trying to figure out what exactly it is she’s thinking. There’s only three words she can manage to make out.

“I love Bora,” Siyeon says, yet it pains her to say it out loud. She feels Yoobin’s hand stiffen as she threads her fingers through her hair.

“Love as in…”

“I think I’m in love with her.”

Silence falls over them once the words leave her mouth. Yoobin opens her mouth and closes it right after, unsure of how to phrase her next sentence. “She said that guy she was with wasn’t her soulmate?”

“Yeah,” she says. Her chest tightens just at the memory of them together. “But if he isn’t then how can she see color? I don’t know if I believe her.”

“What if you’re her soulmate?”

The question stuns Siyeon. “What? Not this again, Yoobin.”

“No, Siyeon hear me out. It’d explain why she’s been so distant. You need to talk to her and find out the truth.”

“Yoobin, there’s no point. I love her, but I can’t see color so that obviously means she’s not my soulmate,” Siyeon sighs.

Yoobin stays silent after that and for a second Siyeon thinks she finally lets it go. “Maybe you’re colorblind.”

“Seriously?” Siyeon scoffs and sits up.

“I’m serious, Siyeon. I really think you two are soulmates, but the fact you can’t see color despite falling in love with her really… worries me.” Siyeon looks at Yoobin and notices the genuine concern in her eyes which makes her shift uncomfortably.

Colorblind?

“What do you mean when you say colorblind?”

Yoobin scratches her head and visibly hesitates. “It’s rare,” she says, “but it happens. Everyone is born only seeing shades of black, white and gray, you know? And that changes after we meet our soulmate, but even after that some still can’t see color. It’s a defect or something.”

There’s a dead weight that settles in her chest upon hearing her words. “You’re telling me, either Bora isn’t my soulmate or I’m colorblind?” Siyeon says slowly. Yoobin purses her lips but nods.

Her mouth goes dry and suddenly she picks up her phone. “I need to talk to Bora.”

The air is thick with tension when they meet in Bora’s apartment. Siyeon’s been here before, but only a handful of times. Last she had seen it, it was clean, organized, almost as if Bora had barely spent any time living there. Now as Siyeon glanced around, she noticed the dim lights and pile of unwashed dishes. She noted the clothes thrown around the living and build up of clutter on the coffee table. It was messier than usual and for a moment Siyeon wants to believe Bora missed her as much as she did.

Bora clears her throat and makes a conscious effort to avoid her eyes which doesn’t bother her since she’s trying to do the same. They’re inches apart on her couch and a deafening silence sits between them. “You said you wanted to talk about something?” Bora says, her voice wavering just slightly.

Siyeon takes a minute to gather her thoughts and anxiously rubs the back of her head. “I saw you with a guy last week, the day you backed out of some plans we made. Were you on a date?”

“Yes,” Bora answers without hesitation and it makes Siyeon wince. “I don’t feel anything for him, he’s not my soulmate. He was just a distraction.”

“A distraction? From what?”

This time she takes longer to respond. “From my real soulmate.”

“You found your real soulmate then?” Siyeon presses. Bora shifts uncomfortably and nods.

“I did. I didn’t mention it because… I didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to forget about it. Maybe forget about them. But I don’t think I can,” she sighs. Siyeon knows there’s a hidden weight to her words, but she can’t pin what it is.

“I wish you just told me, Bora. It’s been hurting me to see you so distant,” Siyeon confesses. “I miss my best friend. I miss you.” She feels her throat tighten as the words leave her mouth. She missed her, yes, but she missed her touch more than anything. She missed her smile and raucous laugh and her sweet voice way more than any normal friend would. She missed her like a lover.

“It’s difficult, Siyeon. Complicated,” she looks towards her slowly. There’s a glaze of tears in her eyes and Siyeon has to stop herself from reaching out to her. “I don’t think I’m their soulmate.”

“What?” Siyeon frowns. “What do you mean?”

Bora closes her eyes and a second later a tear falls down her cheek. She brushes it away quickly and avoids Siyeon’s gaze again. “They still can’t see color, so it could only mean one thing right?” she laughs, but it’s hollow. Siyeon’s heart tightens in her chest. This time she doesn’t stop herself from moving closer to her and taking her hand into hers.

“Look at me,” she whispers. Slowly, Bora lifts her head and their eyes meet. “Do you really know if they can’t see color? Have you asked?”

A sigh leaves Bora’s lips as she takes her hand and brings it to Siyeon’s cheek. There’s a strange resigned look in her eye that leaves Siyeon confused. “I haven’t, but I guess I should. Tell me, Siyeon. Can you see color?”

It feels like time and Siyeon’s heart stop at the same time. There’s a soft gasp that slips past her lips as she stares at Bora in silence. “W-what?” she stammers, her hand beginning to shake in Bora’s grip.

Color? Me? She’s in love with me? What?

Another tear spills down Bora’s cheek as she lets out a breathy laugh. “No, right? I figured,” Siyeon is still speechless as Bora begins to stand up. “I think I should go,” she says, her eyes rimmed red as she tries to hold back more tears. She heads for the door without another word.

“Wait!” Siyeon exclaims as she reaches for Bora’s hand. She spins her around and places her hands on her shoulders. There’s a hopeful, yet frightened look in Bora’s eyes as Siyeon brings her hand up to her cheek. “Just wait,” she whispers. Siyeon glances down to Bora’s lips and there’s no second thought to it when Siyeon leans down and kisses her.

Bora tenses up as their lips connect and Siyeon’s mind turns to static. Her eyes slip closed as her heart thunders in her chest. It takes a moment, but Bora loosens up in her grip and leans forward into her, deepening their kiss. A sigh leaves both their lips as they pull away. Siyeon’s eyes are still closed and a sudden realization hits her.

If I open my eyes, will I finally see color?

She feels her hands shake as she places both of them on the sides of Bora’s head. “Siyeon,” she whispers, breathless.

“I’m scared to open my eyes,” she says and for some reason her voice cracks. She feels Bora’s hand on her face and a thumb brush over her cheek.

“Don’t be,” Bora says and it’s the softest Siyeon’s ever heard her speak. “No matter what, I love you.”

Siyeon’s eyes shoot open in surprise.

There’s a mix of devastation and elation when her vision comes to. The first thing she sees is Bora’s eyes gazing into hers, but there’s no color. Everything is still gray, white and black. A choked sob slips past her lips when reality hits her.

“I still can’t see color.”

Bora’s eyes widen and her jaw drops. “What?” she gasps. “What do you mean? What do you see?”

Siyeon steps back and tries to wipe away the nonstop spill of tears streaming down her face. “I still can’t see it, Bora. Why can’t I see it?”

“Siyeon-”

“I love you, Bora,” Siyeon says suddenly. Bora halts and looks at her. Siyeon says it again, hoping it’d do something and fix her vision. When it doesn’t she repeats it over and over like a mantra until Bora stops her.

Yoobin was right , Siyeon realizes.

Months pass after their bittersweet kiss and nothing changes, but Siyeon accepts it as she had all her life. Yes, everything was still the same dull palette of white, gray, and black but she had Bora this time. She had Bora by her side and somehow it made everything just a little brighter. Her smile, her love,  her. It was enough.

“I love you,” Bora whispers into her ear one night as she draws shapes onto Siyeon’s back. She stays silent and continues to pretend being asleep.

“You deserve better,” she says and Siyeon hears the bitterness in her voice. “You deserve to see color, see how beautiful the world really is. How beautiful you are.”

A knot forms in her throat and Siyeon clenches her eyes shut tight when she hears Bora’s voice waver. “I wish I could give you that,” she says. Siyeon sighs and turns over to face her. Bora’s eyes widen slightly as Siyeon takes her face in between her hands.

“You’ve given me more than I could ever ask for, Bora. I don’t want you blaming yourself for this,” Siyeon says and makes sure to look her in the eyes. Bora’s eyes close and she rests her hand against hers.

“I can’t help it, it’s unfair. You wanted to see color more than anything.”

“It is,” Siyeon admits. “But honestly, I’m more than happy because you’re here with me. I don’t need to see like everyone else to know my favorite color is you.”

Bora lets out a laugh and groans. “That was a lame joke but also really sweet,” she smiles. Siyeon chuckles and presses a kiss to her forehead. “I love you,” Bora says after a minute. Siyeon looks into her eyes with a sleepy smile and pulls her in close.

“I love you too,” Siyeon says and rests her chin on her head. “Promise me you won’t blame yourself for my colorblindness.”

Bora stays quiet for a moment and sighs against her chest. “Okay, I promise.”

“Good,” Siyeon smiles as she stares out the window. Her eyes slowly slip closed as she listens to the sound of Bora’s breathing and there’s only one thought that circles her head as she falls asleep.

I love you.

When Siyeon wakes up, the blue sky is the first thing she sees.