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Through the darkened halls of Black Hat manor, the owner slithered from room to room. His voice strained from hollering the name of his head indentured servant. He popped his head into the lab.
“FLUG!?” No one was there. “Dammit.”
The kitchen?
“Flug!” Empty again. “Dammit!”
The bathroom?
“Flug, you better be in here!” His visible eye was covered just in case. “FLUG? ...SHIT!”
What about his room up in the airplane? The cloaked bastard climbed the rope ladder and shoved his head in the improvised home.
“Flug!” His lips quivered in revulsion. “Clean your damn room.” Slinking back down, he fixed his tie. “Smells like a frat house in there.”
Black Hat searched all over the house, voice booming and rattling the walls. Finally, one of his subordinates entered the home. The loud lizard.
“Demencia! Where have you been all day?”
Her heart skipped several beats at the mere sight of her obsession! Him actually taking interest in her and even...missing her!? This made the young mutant’s year.
“Oh, lord Black Hat!” She threw herself on him, only to miss. “OOF!” Her body hit the floor.
“Answer me, dammit! Where were you?”
“I just went to the corner store. 505 wanted a slurpy.”
Speaking of the bear, 505 waddled in the claim his slushie. He made his usual noises as he helped the girl to her feet.
“Arrouuuuoohh?” The dumb animal asked for his drink.
“Tee-hee. Sorry, bear. I got hot and drank it but thanks for paying.” She giggled at the bear’s cries. “Anyway, that's all I did today. Did you really miss me, bombon!? Aaaaaah~I'm sorry if I worried you-”
“ENOUGH!” Flames shot from the demon’s throat. “I don't care! I don't care where you went! Where the hell is Flug!?”
“Huh?” Both of his flunkies seemed confused.
“He's not in his lab?”
“Grrrrr...no.” Black Hat forced his rage back into his gut. “I haven't been able to find him all day. It is pissing me off.”
“Did you try the kitchen?”
“Yes.”
“The backyard?”
“Yes.”
“Hmmm, the can?”
“Ewwugh!” A pause. “Yes.”
“What about his stupid plane?”
“Yes!”
“Oooooohhhh, then we're all alone.” The green haired crazy trailed her hands on his chest. That delusional, lust filled look in her eyes, ever present.
“This is serious!” He shoved her pretty face. “He has a bloody deadline today and if he doesn't make it , I am going to make him dead!”
“Owww~!” There was far too much enjoyment in her expression of pain. “Maybe he's just asleep somewhere.”
“He doesn't sleep!” His arm came up to strike her once more before backing down. “One of his best qualities.”
“Arooo?” 505 chimed in.
“What? YES OF COURSE I-wait-no. I didn't check there. One moment.”
Black Hat ran down to the basement, his shoes clicking as he got further. The others heard screams of terror once a heavy door was open.
“FLUG!!” His voice was distant and muffled by the tortured victims of the doctor below. “Fluuuuuggg!? Any of you maggots seen the doctor?” They just screamed in fear at the mention of the doctor. “Ugh, useless!”
Those shoes clicked louder as he came back into the main hall. Demencia and 505 watched their master attempt to compose himself but fail. The bear was obviously terrified while the girl just giggled.
“He's not down there either!” Nasty green saliva dripped from his mouth. “He's not here! Did he say he was leaving?”
505 shook his head, pretty worried now. Where could his daddy have gone? Demencia was already done with this obsessing over Flug.
“Maybe he's out at a meeting or got hit by a car.” She folded his arms and pouted.
“I didn't send him on any outside work! He doesn't leave this house without my approval. This is not like him but if it is...I'm going to bloody kill him!” There was that ungodly roar again.
“Arruuruuuoooruuoo?” 505 sheepishly made a suggestion.
“Mobile phone!?” Black Hat seemed offended to even use the word. “He has a mobile phone!? I never approved him a mobile phone! When did he get a mobile phone!?”
“Everyone has one! You have one in your pocket right now.” She poked at his vest pocket and totally did not cop a feel of his torso.
“I only use that thing for w w w dot best gore dot com and w w w dot Google translate dot com and you know that!“
505 cringed at every single word that came out of the old ass monster's mouth while Demencia snorted.
“Just call him.”
“I don't have his mobile number-oh wait...yes I do.” He grumbled, fiddling with the phone. “Fine!”
The phone rang for a long time. All three listened in for a click or a beep, anything.
“Hello-” Flug’s voice came from the phone.
“DOCTOR FLUG YOU MISERABLE PILE OF-”
“You've reached the phone of evil genius and world renowned bringer of nightmares, doctor Flug Slys. I'm am not here at the moment.” Fucking Voicemail.
“Ffffffff…” Hot air escaped Black Hat’s mouth while the others listened on.
“If you are looking to contact Black Hat Organization, please hang up and try again on our business line at our regular business hours of 6 a.m. to uhh, 6 a.m. If this is about a missing person, call someone else. For all other messages please wait for the beep and have a lovely day!”
Beeeeeeep!
“Long enough message there, nerd-” Demencia was cut off by Lord Black Hat screaming once again.
“FLUG YOU FUCKING COWARD! ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE! I SWEAR TO BEELZEBUB IF YOU HAVE RUN AWAY, YOU ARE DEAD! I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND KILL YOU!” He slammed his old flip phone shut. “Bastard.”
505 was hiding now and even Demencia was at a loss for words. Black Hat called him again, sat through that long ass message, then began another tirade.
“No...I'm not going to kill you, Flug. I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU, TORTURE YOU, KILL YOU, DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE, DIG YOUR CORPSE UP AND MAKE IT COME INTO BLOODY WORK!! PICK UP YOUR PHONE YOU LAZY ASSHOLE!!” He slammed his phone again. “Why isn't he answering?”
Demencia wracked her brain a minute. “Maybe his ringer is off. He always turns it off when he takes me out.”
Black Hat looked as if she insulted his ancestors. “Takes you out!? Where is he taking you out!?”
“Dentist appointments and walks mostly.” Her Cheshire grin returned. “Maybe he's on a daaaaate.”
“I did not approve that! How do I turn on his ringer from here!?” The old demon inspected his own phone.
“You got me. Why not just text him? He always texts us back.” She nodded in an overly assured way.
“...” Once again, offended at the mere thought. However he attempted to type something out. What choice did he have? “How do I caps lock on this thing?”
“God, you're so hot.” She let out a pleasured sigh.
“Eugh!” Disgust was in his eyes. “I'll figure it out on my own.”
Several minutes passes but he got a short message written, signed and sent. Demencia peered over his shoulder to investigate.
Flug
You better pick up your phone or get back here NOw or I will find you. You do not want that.
Your Master
“Oooooh, I'd let you slide into my DMs with that.” Her eyebrows waggled before she was thrown to the floor and her neck squeezed. Well until the moaning started. Black Hat released her then.
“WHY HASN'T HE REPLIED YET!?” Demonic tentacles crept from his mouth. His agitation was getting worse.
“There will be a little eyeball when he's read it.” Her hands wriggled back around to steal the phone. “He hasn't seen it yet.”
Black Hat screamed so loud it shattered all the glass on the lower floor. 505 would have such a mess to clean up later. After allowing himself a moment to regain composure, he tried the call again.
“Flug.” His voice was much calmer but he seemed to stumble on his words now. “Look, I-I am mad.” Deep breaths. “Just call me or come home and I won't kill you. I'll JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!” He slammed the phone again. “Dammit!”
“Arughooo?” 505 finally emerged from hiding.
“I know! You don't have to tell me that!” Cursing under his breath, he tried again. “Flug, I get it. You're scared. Maybe you messed up and I just have not found out how, yet.” Deep breaths again. “Just come home and we can talk about this. Good bye.” Calmly, he shut his phone. “Better?”
Demencia looked far too turned on for anyone's liking. 505 happily barked, going in for a hug.
“Touch me and you die.”
And the bear cha cha slid, real smooth, back. Black Hat summoned his chair from across the room and sat. Where was his scientist? This was not like Flug at all. After a short rest for his eyes, Black Hat glanced at the girl, sitting at his feet.
“When was the last time you saw him? Be honest.”
“Last night when he left to get milk.” She couldn't lie to her master.
His breath hitched. “So he did run away.”
“No, he came back.” Drawing hearts on his leg, she thought about it more. “He had a glass and went to bed. Heh, baby”
“That was the last you saw of him?”
“Yup!” She sat up and put on her best seductress face. “Do I get a reward?”
Black Hat held her chin, tipping it up and whispered against her lips. “Useful people her rewards...YOU ARE USELESS!! 505, GET IN HERE!”
He spat all over her before dropping her back on the floor like the trash she was. Of course, she loved every second of it. Markiplier’s fursona hustled into the room.
“When did you last see, Flug?”
505 thought for a moment before pantomiming to the front lawn. He made some weird bear noises that somehow made sense.
“He was outside and then he wasn't?” Hat needed a moment to process this.
“Ha-ha! He got kidnapped! What a benchwarmer.” Demencia kicked her legs a bit in 505/Flug’s doggy bed. “Or hit by a car. My money is on that.”
“Ridiculous! Flug is a coward and an idiot...but he's not stupid enough to just be kidnapped.” A soft chuckle. “Who would want him?” His smile faded. “I can't sense him.”
The room went silent.
“I can always feel when he's near but...I haven't felt him all day.” Sinking back into his chair, his smile returned in an unsettling way. “Anywhere. He's just gone.”
“S-shit...then is he really dead?” Demencia stood up. “Is he dead!?”
505 was starting to panic and all Black Hat could do was smirk. Then laugh. He bellowed out a maniacal laugh that soon became painful. Why was he laughing if Flug might actually be dead? Because he's evil of course. Why would he care if the wimp got himself killed? Demencia cautiously joined in, much to 505’s horror. Soon, she was laughing almost as loud as her boss.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Black Hat snapped. “Nothing is funny about this.”
She shut up immediately. Black Hat rose to his feet and went to his personal bar. There, he grabbed himself a drink of thick, black poison. He filled a glass, then downed the bottle instead. Then the glass as well.
“Mister, Black-”
“If someone other than I could kill Flug, then we would all be dead by now.” His voice was more hoarse than usual.
“Whaaaat? An egg sandwich could kill Flug.”
“No! He cannot-ugh.” He rubbed his eyes, returning to his seat. “He's not dead, wherever he is. Trust me. I saw to that long ago.”
“Wait, are you saying he's immortal? You made HIM immortal before me!?” Now she was offended. “How'd you do it!? Did he drink your blood!? I want some! Did he suck your-”
“This isn't about you!” His green drool leaked. “He cannot die, he'd never be captured without asking my permission and he wouldn't run away...not...he just would not.” Black assumed a thinking position.
505 found his way by Black Hat’s side. A stupid motion that would probably end in pain but the bear needed to be near one of his dads. Even if it was the one that hated him.
“Well if he's not dead, kidnapped or a run away, where is he?” Demencia reclaimed the dog bed.
“Hmm…” Hat rewarded the bear's trust with a rough pet on the head with a gloved hand.
The poison seeped into his black veins and slowed his heart. What was left of it. Finally he could relax and put these puzzle pieces together. Demencia saw him last night when he went to bed. 505 saw him on the lawn sometime in the morning. Suddenly he vanishes and any trace of him is gone. His pulse was just gone. Not his soul. No, Black Hat claimed that long ago. Where the hell could he be?
“Are you in hell?” Black Hat finally spoke.
“No, I'm in heaven.” A feminine voice cooed lovingly.
“¡Cállate la boca, cabrón!” He shoved her off his leg. “Everyone, go to bed!”
“But it's only 5:30.” The lizard whined.
“NOW!!!”
He pointed and the two ran off. At last, he was alone with his thoughts. Time to find Flug. The mood was all wrong though. Black Hat snapped his fingers to summon a storm. Rain beat the sides of the house and thunder crashed at a nice distance. Much better. The demon let out a peaceful sigh.
“Okay. Where are you?”
An hour passed and Black Hat still had no leads. He phoned hell, phoned the nearest planets and dimensions and even called Flug’s phone a few more times. By his fifth bottle, Hat was just leaving Flug drunken messages.
“Why...why did you leave? Was it me?” He drank more. “It was me, wasn't it? I'm really not mad anymore. Please come home or at least call me.”
He ended the call, only to call again.
“I'm concerned. There! Are you happy now? I'm concerned for your safety! Not because I care-no! No...I...please just pick up.”
Another hour and bottle passed. Black Hat was lying sideways in his chair.
“Fiiiiine! I care a little!” He grumbled. “Now please, stop hiding from me. I know you're doing something to hide that...sexy little life force from me. What did I do wrong? Was it all the times I choked you!? I gave you eternal life and healing, you ungrateful bitch! Was that not enough!? Well fuck you then! I don't need you or your stupid inventions!”
He slammed his phone shut once again before throwing up on the floor. Lot of blood in that one. Not the same color as Flug’s, though looking at that puddle of nasty bile did remind him of his scientist. Black Hat got angry again and screamed unspeakable things for a while before calling Flug for the thirteenth time.
“I'm not going to cry! Is that what you want from me? You want me to lower myself to you fucking humans? Is it!? Answer me you bastard! I'm not going to cry over you! Even if you come back...I'm not going to cry.”
Again, he shut his phone. What was he even doing? Leaving drunk voicemails like some scorned ex. That simply won't do! Black Hat stumbled to his feet and marched over to the lab. Maybe there was some clue to this disappearance in there.
“Where’ve you gone, doctor?” He asked himself as he searched Flug’s workstation. “Hmm...garbage.”
Nothing but blueprints for projects already finished. None of his messes were cleaned or missing. One can deduce he didn't plan on leaving.
Doubts intruded his evil mind as he rummaged through the junk on Flug’s desk. “Were you captured?” He touched a pen the doctor always used. “No. You would have busted out or found a way to contact me.” He deflated a bit. “You're smart. Smarter than I let you believe.”
Black Hat slid the pen into his coat pocket. It was his now. How long would the doctor be gone? The dark lord, stole his seat next. Taking out his phone, he checked the text messages.
“No eyeballs yet.” He clicked the phone shut. “I'm still not going to cry, doctor.” The phone opened again and he sat through that stupid prompt. Maybe he just wanted to hear Flug’s voice. “When you get these, please delete them. I am really drunk.”
The phone was shut for the final time that night. Several days went by with nothing. That became weeks and eventually months. Nothing was getting done. Deadlines weren't being met on time. 505 was too depressed to clean and Demencia was acting out more than ever. Black Hat knew how important a piece Flug was to this machine. Though, he still did not admit it. Even when their stocks took a plummet. The whole time, Black Hat left stupid messages to his now imaginary evil friend. His own words. Flug was his only kind of friend in this world and now he was gone. This angered the beast so much. What was even the point of letting him in, making him live forever and any of this bullshit? If it could be taken away in an instant. He was an all powerful creature as old as time itself and yet he was powerless to save Flug. It's just the same as if they never met. No. It was more painful.
Five months had come and gone. Almost half a year. The crew had pretty much accepted Flug was likely dead. 505 cried a lot and even started wearing a stupid black veil. Demencia was staying pretty quiet about it these days. All 3 were having a late breakfast together on a chilly fall morning. Black Hat poked at whatever the hell 505 made. Most days were calm for him. With no Flug around, he had to control his rage better. He didn't have an indestructible chew toy anymore. Today was not one of those days.
“Better have to loved and lossed, my ass!” Black slammed his fists on the breakfast table. Breaking straight through his half of said table.
His remaining subjects jumped at his outburst. Their boss stormed out of the dining room, slapping that idiotic veil off the bear's head along the way. 505 broke down once again.
“Hm?” Demencia almost choked on her food. “Mr Black Hat!?”
Before she could go after him, his door slammed. Inside his office, he made three paces through the room. No! Whatever this was, was not going to beat him! Flug was gone and he still had no leads. Time to move on and get back to work. This company needed its leader. Black Hat sat at his desk and began signing papers and taking on hold calls. This was more work than he had done in years. It felt good but ultimately, he got bored with it after a few hours. Soon, the old man found himself in Flug’s plane. He had not been back there since the first day. Everything was as he left it. Though, the smell had faded some.
“...I'm really doing this?”
Black Hat crawled into the hollowed out plane and looked around. In all the years that Flug lived here, this was the first time Black Hat got a good look at his room. All but a few seats were removed. A flooring was put in so he could have a table and tv set up. However, there was no bed. Not a normal one at least. At the back of the plane, hang a hammock. Filled with pillows, blankets and old paper bags.
“Why am I not surprised in the least?” Hat uttered something offensive before hovering over to the bedding. “No wonder you never sleep.”
He did one more check for interlopers, before flopping into the kangaroo pouch Flug called a bed. Not too bad, actually. It swayed a bit and was very soft. More importantly, it stunk like the doctor. Obviously, it was relaxing. Black Hat stared at one of his own legs as it hung out of the hammock. An ancient evil like him had no need for sleep or dreams. It was a nice sensation, however. At least once in a while. The monster had himself an evil nap. No one interrupted him and he was able to sleep the whole rotten day away. Three in the morning arrived and Black Hat was awake again.
“...I miss you.” He finally admitted that to himself and himself alone. Reaching into one of his pockets, he produced that stupid pen. Along with a few paperclips he stole. All garbage he kept to remember the doctor. “Junk.” He filed them back away.
Taking the phone out next, he dialed for what he always hoped would be the last time. He sat through the prompt, enjoying all the stupid quirks in Flug’s voice. He waited for the beep, then began his statement. “This will be the last message I leave you, doctor. Clearly, you do not wish to be found. You have your reasons and I accept that. If you choose to come back, there will always be the same spot under my foot for you, hahaha.” His voice cracked a bit before dropping. “Please just, keep being evil. Never lose that beautiful, sadistic streak of yours. That absolutely nasty poison in your heart. It was one of the things that made me so very fond of you. Goodbye, doctor.”
The phone was shut and dropped on the bedding. Black Hat felt much better now. He was ready to move on. Maybe even find a new scientist. Either way, he could enjoy the rest of his day long nap.
Until something underneath started to vibrate that is. He reached under the small of his back. It was his inbox filling up with text messages and calls from months ago!
Help!!!!!!!! Dear God please help!!!! I'm stuck in some plllaaace!!!! Help help help help!!!!!! Jefecito please save me!
I want to come home.
Holy shit! This is freaking weird!!!!!
I'm so sorry boss!
Most the texts from Flug were frantic and old. The later ones were a little more thought out.
Black Hat, I don't know if you are getting these messages but I can't give up. I was experimenting with a new transporter. One implanted in my arm. Long story short, I fucked up and now I'm not in any dimension.
Black Hat kept scrolling through the messages. Flug wasn't in any dimension? This made no sense.
I don't know where I am but there is no light, sounds, smells and it's cold. I can't see anything but my phone. BARELY! The device isn't working either. I have tried pressing it but I don't end up anywhere. If feels like I'm moving, though. It would be fascinating if it wasn't so horribly painful. I'm scared, boss but I know you'll find me.
Yeah, he was doing great with that. The next one was a few days after the last.
My phone might not last long. I'm surprised it lasted this far. If I don't make it out of this, tell 505 daddy loves him. Leave my stuff to Demencia to break and please just don't forget me. I will never forget you, Jefecito.
Okay, now those dead emotions were getting to the demon. Not enough to cry but enough to make his black heart race. Flug was worse than dead. He was stuck in some kind of limbo with immortality. He can't even die wherever he was. There was one last text message from several days ago. Talk about lag. His last words?
I JUST GOT YOUR MESSAGES YOU ASSHOLE!! I WOULD NEVER ABANDONED OUR COMPANY OR MY FAMILY! FUCK YOY FOR EVEN THUIVNINH THAT!! Mr Black Hat, sir. Please just get me out of here!!
The rest were voicemails that Black Hat listened to as he rushed to the lab. He roared for the others to wake up. Most of the voicemails were just Flug crying in a vacuum with very little sound. Only one was useful.
“I'm losing my damn mind.” The panic in his voice was pathetic. “Please work. Please.” There was some breathing, then a moment of silence. “I don't know if you'll get this in time but I think I know what to do! I seem to be warping to random locations in a wormhole. God I hate that word.”
He was talking a lot of scientific rubbish that Black Hat didn't understand. Something about the messages only sending when he was closer to their realm or some shit. Black Hat yelled at the voicemail to get on with it. Man if he could strangle a phone.
“Augh the battery is dying! I'll make this simple. Think of a thick piece of paper. One side is our world. The other is another. I'M IN THE DAMN PAPER!!” His voice cracked painfully. “I have an idea. Go to my lab and turn on the old transporter. Set it to home, and try to locate me if you can. Leave it on and hopefully at at some point, I'll be in range. It might take a while but if I can get back, I will! Don't give up me, sir! I am coming to work. I'll just be a little late. Please don't fire me!”
The call ended and Black Hat stared at the lab equipment in bewilderment. He summoned the others to help him find this old transporter.
“So he's stuck in a worm’s butthole!?” Demencia questioned from somewhere in the lab.
“Eeerr, basically!” Black Hat moved junk around and threw anything not the transporter out of the way.
“I say we leave him there until the worm just poo-
“Arouuuooo!” 505 cried out from the closet.
The others joined him to see a absolutely vintage machine. It looked like something out of an old sci-fi series.
“Well!? Get this infernal thing together, you fools! NOW!!” He stomped his foot, rattling the walls.
The two nimrods scrambled to get the glorified washing machine out of the closet. Flug made this thing years ago and abandoned it for a hand held model and abandoned that for an implant. Lot of good that did him. Black watched as they cleaned off all the dust and plugged it in. 505 motioned him over to the junk heap.
“Think it’ll work?” Demencia was already pressing buttons until Black Hat bonked her on the head with his cane. “OW!”
“Stop fooling around.” His teeth were bared in annoyance as he tried figure out what any of these buttons did. “Why don’t scientists label any of their damn buttons!? 505! Is there an instruction manual anywhere?”
All they had to go off was a nasty old napkin he wrote everything on and also used to get mustard off his bag once.
“Disgusting!” He groaned but still held it far too close to read it. “Alright...the L shaped button is enter.” He read like an old man for a solid minute. “Insert a hair pin or coffee straw to-whaaat!?”
“Done!” Demencia shoved one of her many hair pins in a tiny hole in the device and got it to reset.
A glimmer of pride appeared on his lips. “Hmhm, good work. Maybe you aren’t so useless, after all.”
The walking eyesore let out an elated squeal and gave him an old school glomp. “Does that mean I get a reward, noooooow?” She licked her lips.
A devilish smirk formed on Black Hat’s dark face. “Yes it does.” He put her down. ”Kneel down. Then close your eyes and open your mouth ever so, my dear.”
Of course that thirsty girl did as she was told. What would it be? A French kiss!? Something much, much better!? Her lewd brain was running wild! 505 sounded horrified when Black Hat unwrapped something he pulled from his pocket. Oh what could that be? Her heart was racing with excitement. Oh goodness! Something was placed on her tongue. It was hard and smooth. Awesome! Wait, it was sweet? She opened her left eye and Black Hat was gone but there was something in her mouth for sure. It was candy. Butterscotch?
“Uhhhh, Black Hat?” The girl pulled whatever it was in her mouth out. Yup, butterscotch. She gave her master a side eye.
“What were you expecting?” His smug expression said enough.
“Nothing.” She rolled her eyes and popped the hard candy back in her mouth. Mumbling. “I'll get you one day.”
Black Hat watched it boot up and followed the instructions the best he could. There was a ‘home’ button. Maybe that was what he needed to push? He winced again and pushed it. There was a pop-up prompt to set ‘location’ and ‘person in range’. There, were several names a locations. It wasn't that difficult to figure out after a few hours. They set the person to Flug and set the range to anywhere near or on Earth. Now it should transfer Flug home if he is anywhere in the Milky Way galaxy. The longest rang it had.
“There we have it. Exactly as he said.” Black Hat triumphantly placed his hands on his hips. “Now we wait.”
505 cheered while Demencia grimaced at the thought of waiting.
“For how long?”
“I doubt he's that far away. A few days, tops.” He suddenly looked annoyed. “This thing is going to kill our electric bill. Shut everything else off in here.”
They did as they were told. Now to play the waiting game. A few days passed and nothing. Black Hat and the others checked every day in those first weeks. Then every few days. By the eighth month, only Black Hat was still checking each week. The machine sat there, quietly humming while a light flickered in the dark. Flug had been gone over a year now. A lot of his worked had to be outsourced to even keep the company from collapsing. None of this mattered to Black Hat though. As rich as he was, he could sell off the company and go back into retirement. No, this wasn't for him. It was for the bad of the world and the good of his family.
One year, two months and 27 days have now passed. Lord Black Hat was making his way to the lab for his weekly check in. On his shoulders, he wore not a cape but one of Flug’s blankets. The old thing resembled a murdered Cookie Monster and was tied with red string. Still not able to fully process how he felt, he'd taken to stealing more of Flug’s things. Socks, tweezers, miscellaneous metal bits and now his old blankets. Demencia likened him to a “sexy black cat” or a “ferret”. This of course earned her a bop on the head.
“What shall we talk about today, doctor?”
The Eldritch abomination took a seat on the floor and basked in the warm glow of the machine. With a snap of his finger, an old, orange candle was lit. Someone had built a small altar for the doctor. On Dia delos Muertos, they would leave flowers but never clean them up. So there was rotting or dried out marigolds around the device.
“Shall we discuss politics? Sports? How I'm running my own business into the ground for you?” He chuckled and pulled his cape around him. “The Chinese holocaust again? Doctor, you spoil me.” He covered a fake blush on his ashen cheeks.
Black Hat spent many night like this. Having imaginary deep conversations with Flug. They never talked this much when he was here. Why was he only able to do this now? If Flug came back, would he try harder? Talk to him more? Be nicer? Probably not.
“Hahaha, yes...I really am slipping. I know you want me to move on but...then I would miss our talks.”
Demencia and 505 learned to not question his rituals long ago. Just let the boss do his weird thing in the lab. Let him work through this in his own way. Most of these fictitious conversations kept him in a dandy mood. Others, not so much.
“I don't give a shit what you say! I'm not turning it off. You are getting your ass whooping and you are going to like it! You can't hide forever!” He rose up. “It has been almost a year and a half and I am sick of waiting for you but God dammit, you told me not to give up and I swore I wouldn't!” He paused for Flug’s response in his head. “You think I'm not a man of my word!? Well fuck you! Stay in that stupid paper!”
Black Hat stormed off again for another week. Why was he wasting time and money like this? He could be out there, ensuring a truly evil world for everyone. No. He was too busy talking to his imaginary friend like a senile old man.
The two year mark was finally met and still nothing. For Satan's sake, 505 had already become a man bear and Demencia was finally starting to chill out. Those two finally had to grow up with grandpa going nuts. Everyone thought the great Black Hat would get over this quicker than anyone. After all, he was a heartless creature from lord knows where. He's lived for millions of years. Why should he care about this stupid mortal with a tendency to screw himself over? Easy. He just did. No one was going to tell him to get over something and live. Though one was brave enough to question it after all this time.
“Aroouuu?”
“What? No, I don't love him!” Black Hat nearly dropped his fork.
Demencia chimed in with a mouth full of food. “Oh my Gaaaaaawwwwd! You did love him!”
“No more Red Letter Media for you and NO I DON'T!” His anger was rising. “He was valuable to me is...is all.”
“Nooo, things of value can be replaced. A loved one is something you can't just pick up at a mall.” She seemed a bit sad. “I know that feeling too well.”
“Well then you're feeling it alone because I don't love him!” He screeched as he sunk a claw into his favorite improvised cape.
“Then why you using present tense?” She leaned in closer to him. “You still can't accept he's gone. Is that what all this is about?”
Black Hat could not even look her in the eye anymore. How dare she assume the best in him! Of all monsters. 505 finally spoke up in his own way.
“Auuuuhhh...aruuuoorooogh….aruoo?”
Black Hat's face started to flush and Demencia covered her mouth.
“Holy crap! He didn't even ask if you loved him. I misheard that too.” For the first time ages, her maniacal laugh returned. “Projecting much? Eh, eh, eeeehhhh?” She elbowed him a few times.
“Will you all shut up!?” His voice cracked near the end. “This is not happening.” He chanted to himself a few times.
“He's not even denying it!” More giggling. “I should be mad at you, y'know. Holding a flame for someone who didn't even like you when I was here all along.” She folded her arms. “But it's cute.”
“Aroo?” 505 was so confused.
“Wait. He didn't like me?” Of course that was all he heard.
“He was scared of you, boss. Always scared of you killing him.”
“That's everyone that ever existed! They all fear my power! Why shouldn't he!?” None of this made sense to the beast. “Fuck.”
“I wasn't afraid of you killing me.” She proclaimed arrogantly. “It would be an honor to die by your hands for me! Hahahahaaaa~!”
“Demencia, sit your lying ass back in your own chair.”
“Yes sir.”
Once she was off of his lap, he stormed out again to think. How could they assume there was any love in his heart for anyone or thing? That wasn't money anyway. Rude! Why did the thought of Flug disliking him hurt so bad? Perhaps because it truly made their friendship imaginary. Black Hat made his way to that stupid airplane that protruded from his house. He simply tore the door open this time and entered. Once again, everything was mostly untouched. Dust had long since began to gather and that lovely stench was almost gone. Black Hat floated over to the stupid hammock and got in.
“Idiots.” He pulled his cape around to be used as intended. “The nerve to think…”
Of course he didn't love the doctor, he thought. Just because he lost all will to live and prosper in his absence, didn't mean this was love. That disgusting emotion.
“I'll admit you make me feel some sort of way...but I won't admit it's that.” He gagged at the thought. “God dammit, just come back.”
Another year went by in a flash. Everyone had moved on and forgotten the doctor. Even his own son was moving forward. The world no longer feared the demented Doctor Flug Slys or even the Black Hat Organization. The once feared leader had become known as a lame duck and mopey old man. The ones spreading those rumors were executed, of course. Everyone was moving on with their lives. Almost.
“Why don't you try ripping through space?” A green haired punk questioned, picking at her dinner.
Black Hat had seen better days. The bags under his eyes grew, his skin was more sickly from all the binge drinking and even his voice was changing. When he did talk that is.
“Three years.” He had to drink some water to get the cobwebs out of his throat. “You think in the three years he's been gone...I didn't try that?”
A cold chill went up her spine. “M-maybe...did you?”
“At first, no. I was-” He hated admitting this part. “I was afraid if I ripped a portal, I would hurt him. He said if our worlds were either sides of paper, he was in the paper.”
“You never told us that. I thought he was just lost in space. Oh my God. That's horrifying to think.” She shivered more. “Wait, but you did still try?”
“Of course I did! I was so mad back then that I didn't care if he was hurt or not. I just wanted him back.”
“Black Hat! Face the facts already. You were in love with him!”
“You're really going to start that again!?”
505 was staying quiet this whole time. Talking about his daddy was never a fun topic for him. This time, he was the one to storm out. His two much more evil colleagues were far too distracted in their own conversation to notice he had left. He waddled his bear ass out to the sidewalk where he last saw his father.
“Aruoo…”
And he cried. When he finally thought all his tears had dried up, he cried.
“D….daaad...errr…”
He never learned to talk but he also never forgot that word. 505 still missed his dad. A big part of him wanted to believe Black Hat. That his father would return some day. But a bigger part that he hated, sided with Demencia. His dad was gone forever. After his pity party was over, he went back inside. Demencia was actually doing paperwork in pen instead of crayon. Talk about growth. Black Hat however was drinking and napping his days away in his armchair.
“Aroo?” The curious bear asked.
“I don't care what you do in the lab.” He adjusted himself in the chair. “Don't bug me, I'm napping.”
505 made his way to the lab, slid open the rusted door then went to the transporter and altar. All but one candle had been removed. Black Hat still came in once a week to relight it.
“Dad…” 505 touched the control panel. “Arghuoo…” He was pulling up the shut down window.
“The hell do you think you're doing?” A dark voiced called from the shadows. “No one gets to shut that down but me. You hear me, 505!?”
The bear froze in panic, shutting the windows as quickly as he could. Black Hat glided over to the machine and minion. The giant bear cowered in his master's presents. Black Hat forced him into a corner with a single gaze. Slowly, his attention turned back to the machine. He was silent for far too long before throwing off his cape.
“This stupid thing was never going to work, was it?” He kicked it over. “I wasted so much time on this buggery!”
505 jumped when the machine fell over, cracking the glass. Black Hat was finally losing hope and it pissed him off. That stupid little bitch baby wasn't here and his life was falling apart because of it. It filled the monster with so much rage. He didn't want to break those useless machines, he wanted to completely destroy it all! More than that…
“I want to fucking KILL YOU!!!”
His voice echoed for miles as he blasted out as much demonic energy as he could. So much that is sent 505 flying, destroyed the lab, that whole half of the house and-
“AAAAAHHH-OWW!”
It sent very thin Flug shooting out of fat air and straight into what was left of a wall. His bones cracked and blood oozed from his frail body. Demencia walked in just in time to witness this and take a hot load of viscera to the face.
“What the actual-” She gagged and coughed as greymatter went down her throat. “Is that Flug!?”
“Well, it was.”
Almost all his anger subsided as he saw his scientist lie there in a bloody pile of bones and guts. Ever seen a raw chicken shot out a canon? It was like that but with with more fucking blood. 505 threw up and fainted on the ground. Black Hat would be lying if he said the doctor didn't look cute. Guts all over the floor, his bagged head spun around unnaturally.
“So he really is dead now?” Demencia poked at his corpse with a stick. “I mean he didn't eat for three years and then thiiiis…”
“No he's just being dramatic.” He sucked in some air. “FLUG! YOU WAKE UP NOW OR YOU'RE FIRED!”
The broken man began to make painful noises and blood pooled from under his bag. Black Hat smiled before sinking down to look him in the eyes.
“Welcome back.”
“Holy shit! How is he...his guts! Oh God his guts!” Demencia had seen some shit but this was a bit much for her.
“Is…” He coughed out some of his own brain. “That my blank…”
Flug motioned with his mangled hand, to the fuzzy, blue blanket Black Hat used as a cape the last three years. The dark lord grabbed the worn out thing and covered Flug’s mutilated body with it. Cannot have all that exposed to the young lady.
“Better?” He placed a hand on Flug’s bony cheek, under the bag.
“Much better, boss.” The wimp was already crying. “I'm so sorry.”
“I would say we're even.” The boss’s voice was starting to sound distant.
“How did you even get him out?” She sounded far away too. “Wait are you crying, sir!?”
“No! Stop telling lies before I put you through a wall!”
“Oh my Gawd! You totally brought him back with the power of love, didn't you!?”
“No! I threw a fit and here he is! It was the power of hate if anything, you ignorant child!”
“Whatever you say, bonbon~!”
Flug got to pass out listening to the beautiful sounds of his family fighting over him. When he woke up, nothing was the same. The weather outside his window was different. Cold and snowy. The smell wasn't the burning ashes of his lab or the familiar smell of his bachelor pad. This certainly wasn't his bed.
“505….?” His throat was painfully dry. “D-Demencia?” He finally sat up for this one. “Jefe?”
There was a lot of black and red in this room. The bed was huge, luxurious and had a canopy. Even the smell was nice. Cloves and something else. His heart stopped when he realized where he was. The Boss’s bedroom. He only saw it once. While bringing him coffee and that almost killed him. Why was he here, now?
“Mr Black Hat?”
Speak of the devil. The demon materialized at his side. The boss was dapper as always and still wore to at smug look on his visage.
“I was wondering when you'd finally show up for work.”
“Heh, sorry I was late.” He felt his bony torso. “Good...those are back in.” Flug chose not to acknowledge that he was only wearing his bag.
Black Hat took a seat to inspect him. “You do realize I'm not paying you for time off, right?”
“I know.” His bones popped as he stretched. “How long was I out for?”
“In the void or in my bed?”
“Oh um-well…” He seemed embarrassed by that turn of phrase. “B-both then, I guess.”
“Three years in the ‘paper' as you called it and four months lounging in my bed.” His clawed hand smoothed out the comforter.
“What!?” He gasped. “Jefecito, I am so sorry.”
“Don't be.” A small chuckle escaped him. “Most action my bed has ever had.”
“No about being gone that long! I know you weren't worried but 505, our investors, all my test subjects!” Panic was setting in. “I need to get to back to work right now!” When he tried to move, several bones broke. “Ow…”
“Pfft, what did you expect to happen? You haven't eaten or exercised in years.”
“Fuck...I'm useless even now that I'm back. Fucking fuuuck!!” He fell back, crying his eyes out.
“You just need to eat again.” Black Hat tucked the frail man back in. “You'll be fine, soon enough.”
“Why are you being nice to me? You've strangled me for leaving the seat up..why are you-why are you using my blanket as a cape?”
“Hmhmhmmm, it's not yours anymore.” He rose to his feet. “I'll send 505 in with some dinner for you. Consider this your sick day.”
“Wait, boss!”
“Yes?”
“Thank you...the messages you left were the only thing keeping me sane in the-”
Black Hat said no more and just left this conversation in a good place. A disjointed place but a good one. As much as he hated to admit it, he was positively euphoric now that the doctor was back.
“About time.”
Moments later, 505 popped in with a tray of food for his daddy. A large bowl of stew and three bottles of water.
“505?” Flug was already crying again. “You're so big.”
“Aruooo!” The bear sounded proud as served his dad. “Errmm…” He suddenly licked his father's bagged face.
“Hee hee! Thanks, 505.” He scratched behind his ears then whispered. “I missed you the most. Don't tell Black Hat.”
They giggled before pressing their foreheads together. Flug was far too weak for a care bear hug.
“Hey, nerd.” Demencia sauntered into the room. She had a much calmer disposition it seemed. Though she might have just decided to be nice. Still, not like her. “You're alive again?”
“Heh, yeah.” Flug eyed her up and down a bit. “You've grown up a bit.” Even with his bag, she knew the face he was making. “Finally get with Black Hat?” He snorted. “Got to ride the beast?”
That merited a snort from her. “Pfft, I wish. I almost got a beej once but he just gave me candy.”
“Hah! You got butterscotched too, huh?” He covered his bagged smile.
505 was just confused but laughed along.
“Wait, he did it to you?” She shook her head. “I knew he was gay.”
“Is it gay if he trolled both of us? I thought I was about to be tentacle molested.”
“Niiiiiceee.”
And with that, 505 backed out of there. The two laughed, clearly missing each other. Demencia slithered into the bed with him and snuggled one of Black Hat's pillows.
“Heh, now we've both been in his bed.”
“Oh, a dream come true.” Flug began to eat his first meal in years. “You think I'm at risk if refeeding syndrome?” He downed the whole bowl. “Probably not.”
“Don't even know what that is.” Biting her lip, she decided now was a good time to ask. “So you been immortal all this time?”
“Y-yeah. Sorry I couldn't tell you.”
“Think Black Hat will take that away? You kind of almost bankrupted him.”
Flug choked on his water. “Shit...he just might.”
“Maybe that's why he's being so nice. He wants you better so he can kill you slowly.” There was no stopping her giggle.
“Well, if that’s what he wants.” He finished his first bottle.
They sat quietly for a moment. Demencia watched him suck a water bottle down with a straw in no time flat.
“Thirsty, Beavis?” She paused for a moment before looking under the comforter. “So you got pretty jacked up. Did your dick grow back?”
“Pfft, I sure hope so-EEK!!” He squeaked as it was grabbed. “What are you doing!?”
“Just seeing if it's still there.” That cheeky grin. She was thirsty as ever. “I expected it to be smaller.” Her hand moved a bit. “I've never seen one up close.”
“Y-you're like twenty something.” He gasped a bit.
“So? You're like THIRTY SOMETHING and still a virgin, aren't you?” Her smile grew. “I was saving myself for Black Hat but…” She squeezed it again.
“No!” He coughed, feeling light headed. “I haven't been one since high school.”
“Whaaaattttt? So I'm the only virgin in this stink’n house?” There was legit sadness in her voice.
“Wait last one-505 is dating!?” Angry dad mode activated. “Oh, he is sooooo grounded.”
“No, I just forgot about him.”
Flug relaxed at the admission before remembering she was still groping him in their boss’s bed. This has been one hell of a welcome home party. Black Hat being sweet, 505 feeding him and now he might actually get laid. It was too much for him. Years of no sensation and being alone with his own thoughts, took a toll.
“Holy shit, it got bigger when I-are you crying?”
“I...I…” He sobbed grossly before passing out.
Demencia slowly pulled her hand back and ducked out of the room. She wholeheartedly believed she just killed Flug by giving him a boner.
“BLACK HAT, HELP! FLUG IS DEAD!!”
After checking on his scientist, seeing he was fine, the creature laughed at the girl's very real fear.
“He's just tired.” He narrowed his eye at her. “What did you do to exhaust him?”
“Uhhhhh-” Sweat dripped from her face.
“Keep in mind, I can see everything in this house my dear. Lying is pointless.” His teeth were bared in a crooked grin.
“I wasn't really going to screw him!” She lowered her head. “I just thought...I don't know.” Her lower lip pursed. “He went through a lot and I thought he'd like it if I...played with him.”
“What else? His presence loomed over her without him moving.
“Okay! I missed him too and I'm really fucking horny!” She hid her face with her hair.
“Thank you for your over honesty.” He pet her head. “Now, what did you learn?”
“Don't touch what's not mine?”
“Uhhh, sure. We'll go with that.” He cleared his throat. “Now go think about what you did.”
“Yeeeesss siir~!” She ran off, far too happy.
Black Hat cringed and shut all of his eyes on her side of the house. Seeing what that woman can do to herself once was too many.
“Why are you questionable humans so gross?” He asked the unconscious doctor as he took a seat. Staring for far too long, curiosity got to him. “What's the big deal?” He moved the dinner tray, then took a quick peek under the blanket. “Hm, not bad.” The blanket fell from his claw and a heavy sigh fell from his mouth. “Can you believe her?” He lied next to Flug with his hands crossed on his chest. “What shall we talk about toda-fuck…”
Black had never actually talked to Flug in person, like he did when the man was simply imaginary. Was it even okay to speak to him as such? As if they were friends? What was even the last thing he said to Flug before he left? Black Hat pondered for a moment.
“Invent something USEFUL by tomorrow or I will shove my fist up your nose, rip out that brain and make it into something useful. Like a quiche.” He slapped himself in the face. “And you said-”
“Yes sir.” A sheepish voice cracked.
“How bloody long were you awake?” Black Hat could not make eye contact.
“I don't know.” He cleared his throat. “What day is it?”
“The same one.”
“Oh thank God.” His shoulders untensed. “I really fucked up this time.”
“Yes you did.” Flat tone with an unsettling lack of anger.
“How much did our stocks drop?”
“You do not want to know.”
“Did we lose any backers?”
“Heheheh...yeah.” He finally rolled over to face the doctor. “We almost went under six times.”
“Oh fuck!” There was nausea in his meek voice. “What did you do, sir?”
“Outsourced to an evil town in Michigan.”
“Good call, sir.”
They were looking each other in the eye now. Flug cautiously smiled. It was kind of nice without the hand squishing his larynx. He even dared to do something stupid. Touch the boss’s hand. Strangely, the boss was fine with this.
“...I went so long feeling nothing...I even missed your soft hands around my neck.”
“Thanks, I moisturize.” Without skipping a beat. “Aside from your physical appearance, you don't seem any worse for wear. When we last spoke, you sounded like you lost your damn mind.”
“Oh I did. My phone died pretty soon after and I was left in the dark. No sight, no sound, no smells…” He tugged his master's hand to his throat. “No touch or warmth.” Tears started to form in his goggles. “The only thing I felt was pain I had to inflict myself.”
“I...I can't imagine?” Neither sympathy or empathy were his strong suits.
Sinking his fingers into Flug’s skin, ever so lightly, felt like the right thing to do. It seemed to calm the broken man considerably.
“I lost my shit for so long. I even gave up on getting out and started to believe I had always been in that hell.” He sniffed hard and held Black Hat's claw in place. “B-but...somehow I found it again. I just remembered all the wonderful things I had in my life.”
“Such as?” His ‘eyebrow' quirked.
“Getting my degrees, learning to fly, 505 being born...that time Demencia got hit in the face by the logo for Samurai Jack.”
WAHCHACHA!
“And of course...meeting you, sir.”
“I would hardly consider any memory of you and I, good. At least on your end.” The disbelief was heavy in his voice.
“It's true. Remembering how angry you were that I was gone...and those few really nice messages…the drunk ones were the best, eheh.” He finally averted his eyes. “I know you won't want to hear this but, you saved me.” He locked eyes with him again. “In more ways than you know.”
Black Hat sat up and swiftly turned to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Flug, whatever Demencia told you or what you believe this is, it isn't!” He fixed his tie and vest. “I'm glad you're back but that doesn't change how I feel about you.” He shot a venomous glare at Flug. “I am your employer and that means I still own you. NOTHING MORE!”
“I'm fine with that, boss”
“Y-you are?” His voice broke.
“Yes, I'm just glad to be back home again with you and the others. I owe it all to you, Jefecito. It doesn't matter if you want things to go back to how they were or if you want to kill me. My life is yours.”
His features softened. “You think I still want to kill you?”
“Uh, yes?” His bones popped as he sat up. “What else would this be?” He cleared his throat. “I'm alone in your bed with you after everything. Obviously you want to revoke my immortality.”
“You really are stupid.”
“Clearly. What's your point?”
“I have been capable of killing you wherever I wanted!”
“I'm aware.”
“You're still alive, even now.” He gestured loudly.
Flug narrowed his eyes, completely missing the point. Black groaned and screamed into his hat.
“Do the math, genius! I'm probably never going to kill you!”
“This...this is a lot to take in.”
“You're telling me.” He rolled his eyes. “Least you aren't on the same bandwagon as Demencia.”
“Same what?” The doctor was still very confused.
“She thinks I'm in love with you.” He let out a gross single HAH before lying back down. “As if I would have any love in me. Haaha-haaah…”
“Well, do you?”
“We are not having this conversation.”
“Okay.” Flug let his eyes wander around the room. “I like your room.”
“Yours is nice, too.” He boldly admitted.
“You went in my room?”
“I slept there many nights...and days.” Why was he still talking? “The hammock was surprisingly comfortable. I might invest in one myself.”
“You slept in my bed?”
“I am also wearing your socks. What's your point?”
“O-okay.”
They both lied there in peaceful silence. At some point Black Hat fell asleep. He snored softly and his chest made a strange sound. Not quite a purr but stronger than a wheeze. Flug had never seen the boss sleep and it was fascinating.
“...I really need some clothes.”
“That is 505’s job.” Hat never opened his eyes.
“Right.” Flug forced himself to sit up. “I'm already feeling better.”
“No you aren't. Lie your ass back down.”
“Yes sir.”
They spent most of the day just napping together. At some point, 505 put some underwear and a shirt on his dad without waking him. Black Hat most likely was just pretending to sleep at this point. The demon told himself this would only be for one day. To keep an eye on, Flug. That of course was A lie. Black Hat stayed by his side most of next week. Lying on his own bed in awkward fashions so as not to seem too comfortable around his underling. On the eighth day, Flug got up on his own. Mostly healed but still frail from not eating.
“Man, I have to pee.”
Black Hat lied with his feet up on the wall and a wore a sleep mask over his eyes. When did his boss turn into such a lazy bones? Flug chuckled softly before slipping out to use the restroom. After a much needed bathroom break, he took an even more needed shower. Feeling warm water rush over his face was the best feeling he had ever felt.
“I never want to get out.”
“FLUG!”
The boss could be heard down the hall, calling out for the scientist.
“I'm in here, Jefecito!” He replied, preoccupied with washing.
“FLUG WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?” There was panic in his voice.
“I'm in the shower!” Still not loud enough.
Black Hat was ripping doors off handles out there. 505 could be heard running away in fear. Flug decided to cut his shower short rather than risk an ass whooping this soon.
“FLUG!” Not short enough as Black Hat kicked in the door. “There you are!” Drool leaked from his mouth as he sank from his monstrous form. “Why the hell did you leave without telling me!? I thought you got stuck in the void again!” His rage melted into a offended version of anger. “What the fuck is wrong with you!?”
Flug was standing, cold, wet, naked and out of fucks to give. He didn't even care if he'd get beat or yelled at.
He grabbed Flug by his skinny neck. “I'll fucking kill you, if you do that ever again!”
“Ack!” Flug gasped and was lifted so easily. “I'm so-”
Black Hat set him down, immediately pulling the skinny man to his chest. The original evil being, was hugging his minion. More shocking, he was good at it. Flug brought his arms around his boss, melting into him.
“Sorry, Jefecito.”
“I mean it.” His voice was cracking. “I will kill you if you leave me again.”
“I know.” He hooked his hands together and rubbed Black Hat’s spine. “It won't happen again.”
Flug could feel his boss shaking and knew he was probably crying. He would never acknowledge that. As far as anyone was concerned, Black Hat couldn't cry if he wanted to. After another moment, his master left him to put on clothes. They would never speak of this again.
After another week, Flug was able to return to his lab. Well, the new lab. Black Hat destroyed and remade the old one. Everything was about the same. Just more empty. Flug could finally get back to work and boy did that feel great. He sat in his chair and began looking for a pen. There was a brand new box filled with them and a note on it.
“Aw, the boss got me a gift.”
No te estoy devolviendo tu pluma. Es mio ahora.
-BH
“Love you too, boss.”
Flug took one of the new fountain pens and inspected it. His name was engraved on the side. He gave it a spin, popped the top off and got to work on the mountain of paperwork Black Hat left him.
The End
Pic from this fic
https://www.deviantart.com/ynnep/art/BH-and-his-blanket-v2-793187881