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His arms tugged helplessly at the soft, silk ropes that bound him to the heavenly bed. His head trashed wildly, searching for anything he could focus his eyes on, yet the blackness than blinded him did not disappear. His legs kicked, but were subjected to the same fate as his arms. Panic boiled in the pit of his stomach, but the fire was put out every time those feather light touches lit up an entirely new flame all over his skin.
Those touches made the panic and the fear melt away; intoxicating and soft, yet assertive and final. His mind was conflicted, pulled apart by two opposite emotions; fear and familiarity. This was nothing new, this was not something to be afraid of, yet his irrational mind feared that every second he did not have control over his body was a catastrophic mistake. But he didn't want control, not there, not then. All he wanted was to lose for once; lose control, lose power, just lose to the man above him. He was happy, but his mind was dark.
'Hideous'
"So beautiful"
Flames burned across his legs as soft, delicate fingers traced intricate patterns into the hairless skin there, marred only by fain scars and healing bruises. The fire burned hot, suffocating the voice in his mind momentarily, allowing him to breath easier than before.
'Fat'
"So strong"
The words were being burned into his stomach by petal soft lips that soothed the burning pain that settled underneath the flawless skin. Kisses and kind words moulded over the tensing muscles, pulling them taunt, yet calming his wild thrashing. Those same lips that kissed him so roughly, made him feel like heaven was but a touch away, breathed life into him during the darkest of time. Those lips broke him down until he could barely recognize the piece that once belonged to him. Those lips that built him back up, stronger than before, that calmed him down, gentle and sweet. Those lips.
'Dumb'
"So intelligent"
This time the words flowed over him like scorching hot water, burning everything in its wake. It cleansed him in some sick way, burning away the impurities that clung to his mind. The grey clouds that blocked his view of the shining sun started to drift apart, the light became more apparent. Life started blooming in the tips of his toes; his body was coming alive.
'Useless'
"My everything"
It felt like ice being stabbed into his heart. Freezing cold, contrasting so violently with everything he was feeling. The ice cooled the flames, put them out slowly, but it was melting away into nothingness. The soothing effect lasted only as long as it could, because the fire was still raging. The flames were tamer, cooler, but they were still flames.
'Helpless'
"My hero"
Waves of cold water lapped at his shivering body. His mind was still torn; between the burning heat and the freezing cold, between the fear in his heart and the familiarity in his bones. Between life and death. The cold water set his body alight, not with flames, but with hope. It put out more of the burning hot infernos, drowned the embers, washed away the ashes. The water pulled him and pushed him, thrashed his around, reminded him of the ties around this body. The fear tried to creep back into his messed up mind, but the familiar touches that drifted over his body grounded him in security and safety.
'Pointless'
"My meaning"
Tears trickled slowly down his cheeks, washing away the fire, the burning, the fear. His tears stopped the fire, and gentle kisses along with gentle hands stopped his tears. The drops of water never made it past the sharp line of his jaw or the dark black border created by his hear. The tears put out the fire from within. There was no need for them to wash over his body in a desperate bid to rid himself of the lies that his mind mind had plastered onto it. No. Those lies had been broken away already, chipped and chiseled off by a master craftsman, careful as to not harm the delicate man that was hidden beneath. He could feel the life, the light, crawling up his legs and nestling inside his gut.
'You are a waste of time and space. No one would ever want you.'
"You, Kim Jongin, you are my world, my direction, my purpose."
This time warmth wrapped around him like a blanket. Not like the fierce flames of a hateful fire or the cold caress of the force that fought it. This time it was perfect. The fire had gone along with the ice, leaving a burned and frozen man behind. He was hurt, tired and done. He couldn't fight the demons anymore. And he knew there was no need either. The demons had gone, maybe only for a short time, but they were gone none the less. The war inside his mind, between the good and the bad, had stopped. There was quiet, eerie silence filled with nothing. The world was quiet and dark and empty, but he was safe once more.
"It's over"
It was over. The battle was won, but the war was not over yet. He knew that there were still many more demons that would try to burn him down, but the coldness would always be there to save him. No fire was too big, no. The were only fires after all.
"I love you, Nini Bear. I love you"
He could feel it, too. He could feel the love in the way that those soft lips whispered the words into his reddened skin, soothing the damage done by the ropes. He could feel the love in the way that those delicate fingers threaded through his damp hair, calming his mind and comforting his soul. The love that was promised was so evident, so honest, so real. It was there, right there, holding his trembling form as he came back to the world. The love, so deep and so vast, that love was what saved him.
"Always"
His eyes opened, no longer clouded with tears of uncertainty and hurt. He focused on the love, his love, his life. The man before looked beautiful, breathtakingly handsome, absolutely perfect. He knew that this was his life. The man he told his deepest secrets to, layed out his darkest thoughts to. This was the man he vowed to spend his life with, because he was his life.
"There's my Nini."
If he hadn't know that the man in front of him was merely a human, he would have mistook him for an angel. But that's what he was in his eyes; a gift from above, a cold force to combat his blazing ones with. This was them. They needed help and they found it within each other. The found love, life and help within each other.
"Thank you, Joonie."
His voice was shaking, as was his body, but his love for the man that held him in his protective arms, that was the only thing that would never shake or tremble. His love, their love, was what kept both of them upright when the world was falling apart. Their love wasn't perfect, but it was strong.
"Rest, my love. I'll be here to keep you safe."
It was strong even when they were not.