Work Text:
“I wouldn’t pick him for you.”
“Then who would you pick?”
☾
She’s eighteen and she never looks at the grape before putting it in her mouth. She’s told that she’s poetry in motion and replies with a smile meaning ‘you look better with your mouth closed’. She loses herself every now and then, more often than not, but says that the only ones that notice are the ones that play with her hair. Jinsol smiles at that, since she knows for a fact, that she’s the only one that play’s with Jungeun’s hair. Meanwhile, Jinsol’s twenty and she always inspects the grape for imperfections before she puts it in her mouth. She’s told she stuns boys witless and she replies with a half-smile that means ‘tell me something I don’t know’. She loses herself all the time, and the only reason why she does is because the girl she wants, doesn’t want her.
☾
Jinsol loves nights like this. Sitting on the hood of her car with Jungeun by her side and the city lights below them. Jungeun’s singing that damn song and she thinks about all the times she’s heard it, but never the way it floats through her ears like this. Suddenly Jungeun laughs and Jinsol makes the mistake of looking at her face. Eyes closed with her head thrown back and Jinsol can see Jungeun’s laughter leave her mouth by the fog.
“What’s so funny?” Jinsol asks with a raised brow. With a sideways glance, Jungeun swings her head toward her and tilts her head in the way that makes Jinsol’s heart skip 3 beats.
“Your eyebrows were scrunched up in that cute way, and your lips were doing their signature pout. I didn’t know my singing was that bad” Jungeun says with a chuckle.
Jinsol nods, “It is. It’s a shame no one in your class has said it to your face. You should change from the Applied Music Department and go into Practical Dance, immediately.”
“Jiwoo would kill me if I changed majors. Besides, how will she graduate without me?” With that, Jinsol rolls her eyes. Jungeun laughs out loud again.
“No need to be jealous of her. You know you’re my best friend. My one and only.” Jungeun then moves behind Jinsol as she envelopes her inside her arms and legs. She then rests her chin on Jinsol’s shoulder.
“You know I love singing, right? It’s one of the things I want to do with my life.” Jungeun whispers, her mouth right next to Jinsol’s ear.
Jinsol thanks the gods that a gust of wind breezes past them at that moment as she shivers. Jungeun hugs her tighter to bring her closer to her body. “Of course, I do. And you will. You’ll be an idol. A successful one too. I can feel it.”
Jungeun presses her cheek against Jinsol’s and Jinsol can feel their jaws graze against each other when Jungeun speaks again. “If you asked me to stop singing, I would. I’d stop for you.”
“What? I love you, I wouldn’t do that. Never. And why would I?” Jinsol asks, confusion evident in her tone.
Jungeun chuckles, “I know you wouldn’t. But just know I would if you did.”
“…Right.” Jinsol feels Jungeun shake her head slightly, and a second passes by when she feels lips on the side of her face. Jinsol hates that she lives for the 3 seconds Jungeun kisses her cheek. Every time her best friend does this, one thing pops into her mind, ‘This. This is what I want.’ Yeah, Jinsol loves nights like this.
☾
The back of their hands only ever grazes each other’s for 5 seconds before one of them goes ahead and holds the others hand. Jinsol wonders how something can feel so right and in place yet make her whole arm tingle. They sit at their spot at their favorite café and their hands are still linked when they both sit. Jinsol loves how natural it is when they both play with each other’s hand. Jinsol always feels it in her spine when Jungeun traces her finger all over her palm, and Jinsol can’t help but smile when Jungeun’s eyes are almost squeezed shut by her cheeks when Jinsol rubs her thumb over Jungeun’s hand. ‘This feeling will never get old’ Jinsol thinks as she wraps her pinkie around Jungeun’s. It’s been over a year since the two girls had met and almost a year since they both debuted their solos, and only two months until they debut as full group of 12.
“Every time I look at you unnies, my teeth hurt. Give me a break and please stop being sweet. Please. I’m with you guys all the time, so you both are practically obligated to pay for my dental bill.” Yerim pleads, yet her eyes show amusement.
“Wah, I don’t think so. I’ve seen the amount of sweets you eat with Yeojin. I still don’t get how you guys get it, since Haseul and I aren’t the ones that give it to you. And we’ve told everyone else to stop giving it to you both. I might have to interrogate Hyunjin or Chaewon.” Jungeun replies, looking off to the distance as she makes a mental note to do so later. Yerim risks a quick glance to Jinsol but as soon as they make eye contact, Jinsol looks off to the menu board.
Yerim giggles, “As if Hyunjin unnie would give any to Yeojin. And Chaewon unnie gives most of the sweets she buys to Hyejoo anyway. “
Jungeun’s eyes then slide slowly to Jinsol’s face. Jinsol attempts to throw an oblivious expression at Jungeun’s direction and quickly changes the topic as she slides money across the table, “Yerim, can you please order the drinks? You know your unnies orders.”
She feels Jungeun’s hand tighten slightly around hers. “And please try to get something less sweet for yourself today, or else Jungeun mummy will put you in timeout!” Jinsol jokingly shouts at Yerim’s back as she makes her way to the order counter.
Jinsol laughs as she catches Jungeun roll her eyes. “Yerim is our baby, so I’m going to need you to stop interfering with the healthy way I raise her” Jungeun scolds Jinsol.
“Oh please, babe. She’ll be in great health for debut even if she does have a few sweets here and there. You need to stress less; our full debut isn’t even for a couple months.”
“I can’t help it. She’s the maknae in our unit. Plus, Haseul and I have that bet about Yeojin and Yerim.”
“Oh god, you both need to stop with the ‘super maknae’ bet. No one else cares. Also, there’s no point since Hyejoo exists.”
“Yeah, but Sooyoung’s not participating in the bet, she’s too busy with Jiwoo. Also, Hyunjin’s got money on Yerim,” Jungeun replies with a smirk on her face.
Jinsol rolls her eyes, “Hya, Hyunjin will bet on anything against Yeojin. Everyone knows that.”
“Still, that’s more money to win so I can take both you and Yerim to that amusement park.”
“You do know she’ll force us both to go on the rollercoasters with her, right?” Jinsol replies with dead eyes.
“Yeah well, as long as I’m beside you, I think I could handle my heart dropping faster than everything else in my body.” Jinsol swears she feels her tooth ache when she smiles as she squeezes Jungeun’s hand on her lap. “I actually think I’m kind of used to it by now,” Jungeun whispers and just as Jinsol is about to ask her to clarify, Yerim sets the drinks on the table.
“Uh, you only got two drinks?” Jungeun says, confusion clear on her face.
“Yeah, that extra-large one is for you unnies. That’s why there’s two straws in it. You both get the same drink but Jinsol unnie never finishes hers, and you always end up finishing it for her anyway.” Yerim says matter-of-factly while sipping her drink.
“Super maknae” whispers Jinsol to Jungeun.
“Ah, there’s still work to do. If she really is super maknae level, she wouldn’t have bothered with the two straws. We drink from the same one anyway.” Jungeun replies as she takes one straw out of their drink. Yerim has no idea what her unnies are talking about but she can’t help but smile at the two, as she silently thanks the gods she has a family away from home.
☾
She has her eyes closed when she hears it. She’s lying on the couch in the living room with some of the girls as they watch the tv. Her heads on Jungeun’s lap and she’s thinking about how heaven isn’t easy to get to, but right there next to Jungeun would definitely be the closet she’d get to it.
Jinsol tends to close her eyes when Jungeun runs her hands through her hair when they’re in this position, and it’s well known that she ends up falling asleep. But this time, her thoughts of Jungeun has kept her from sleeping. It’s been happening too much lately.
“So… What’s up with you and you know who?” Jiwoo attempts to whisper in order to not ‘wake up’ Jinsol.
“God Jiwoo, you really don’t know how to whisper. Shout it out, why don’t you?” Jungeun whispers harshly. “Anyways, I’ve agreed to ‘seeing each other’. Whatever that means.”
“Wow. It’s been 5 months of him trying… Why’d you give in? Are you finally over the one you want? If you are, can you finally tell me who they are? It’s been killing me!”
“Shut it Jiwoo.”
Jinsol forces herself to breathe normally to show she’s still ‘sleeping’ but all she wants to do is hold her breath. Jinsol drowns out their conversation because all she can think about is the fact that Jungeun’s now seeing a guy from school, and Jungeun liked someone. Who were they? Did they know that so many would do anything to be in their place? In that moment, Jinsol felt something red hot burning in her. How dare she? How dare Jungeun be so unbothered by her while Jinsol swoons over the littlest things Jungeun does. She’s so bare minimum when it comes to Jungeun and she feels pathetic.
“So Sooyoung’s thinking about joining in on that maknae bet. But if Hyejoo finds out she’s being betted on, everyone is dead.”
“And that’s why you’ve got to convince your girlfriend not to go through with it.”
“Shut up. You know you’ll lose for sure once- “
Jinsol grabs Jungeun’s hands from out of her hair and gets up. Both Jungeun and Jiwoo have their eyebrows raised in surprise, yet Jinsol wouldn’t know as she immediately makes her way to the bedroom.
☾
Jinsol sits at the café, but at a different table than the usual. She sits right next to the entrance, the table looking out the front window of the whole café. Pathetic, she thinks. Couldn’t even bring herself to sit at their table. How does Jungeun have such a strong hold over her while Jungeun probably couldn’t care less about anything to do with Jinsol? She probably wouldn’t even consider it ‘their’ table. Jinsol sighs and takes a sip from her drink.
She stares out the window, earphones in, listening to a song that makes her want to cry out loud.
‘I want to show you
All my hidden feelings
They keep trying to pop out
Why am I being so stupid
Whenever I’m in front of you?
No, what I’m trying to say is, I like you
That’s it but
I’m more complicated than you think
It’d be nice if you could read me’
Jinsol looks out the front window as she sings along with blank eyes. ‘How is this normal?’ She thinks. ‘Surely this isn’t normal… It shouldn’t hurt this bad. It really shouldn’t. So why does it?’ She squeezes her eyes shut until she sees static covered by colored swirls. She feels a cool breeze come in as the door opens beside her and she opens her eyes to see Jungeun and a guy walk in. The guy leads Jungeun to their table but Jungeun quickly takes his hand to take him to a different one. The guy smiles at this and Jinsol rolls her eyes the hardest she’s ever rolled them.
‘Read me (will you think it’s weird?)
Don’t turn your head
Look at me (will I seem pathetic?)’
Plays through the earphones and she scoffs in disbelief as to how perfect the timing was - that this bit would play as Jungeun is here with some other guy. Jinsol pauses the song because she refuses to act out a music video when her chest is so close to caving in on itself.
Jinsol quickly downs the rest of her drink and as she gets up to leave, Jungeun notices her and calls out her name. Jinsol looks over and Jungeun’s practically begging her to come over with her eyes. As Jinsol makes a move towards their table she sees Jungeun’s eyes soften. She knew Jungeun was expecting her to just leave, especially since Jinsol’s been purposely been avoiding her for the past week. It wasn’t even subtle anymore, it hurt too much to act like everything was fine. She’s let herself be selfish in trying to stop the pain. Yet, as soon as she reaches the table Jungeun grabs her hand and squeezes it. Jinsol’s chest squeezes itself and Jinsol has to take a gasp of air before she can bring herself to speak. She needs to get out before the chest pains get worse.
“Sorry ba-, Jungeun but I’ve got to get back to the dorms. I was supposed to be there 10 minutes ago, so I’ve got to rush back.” Jinsol winces as she tries to slip her fingers from Jungeun’s grasp but Jungeun secures her grasp around her hand and raises her eyebrows in expectation, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Jinsol’s brows furrow, “What?”
“Since when have you forgotten to give me your goodbye kiss b?” Jungeun then turns to the boy on her table with the biggest grin on her face, “This girl gives the best kisses. Kisses on the cheeks anyway! I honestly don’t think I can live without them.”
When Jinsol catches Jungeun’s eyes she prays to god she doesn’t see the sadness through them, but she as soon as she thinks that, she swears she sees Jungeun’s eyes widen for a split second. Jungeun then stands and hugs Jinsol. As soon as a second passes, Jinsol breaks the hug and brushes her lips on Jungeun’s cheek, using all her strength not to linger any more than she usually does. Jinsol releases a deep breath out as she turns around, but she feels a hand wrapped around her wrist and she’s swung back around to face Jungeun. Jungeun presses a kiss on the side of her mouth for the longest second of her life and then Jungeun’s whispering in her ear.
“I’ve missed you baby.” Jungeun brings her face further out so they can both see eye to eye.
“Please don’t run away when I get back to the dorms. I’ll be back soon. I want you… to wait for me. Say yes?”
Jinsol swears her heart broke just then. How could Jungeun be so nonchalant about the fact that they practically kissed. How could Jungeun act like they’re in a relationship when she’s practically on a date with that guy. He’s literally sitting right there. All she could do was stare into Jungeun’s eyes, practically pleading to god, ‘I’d do anything to stop feeling like this. Anything. Literally anything. Please.’ Jinsol forces herself to nod and heads off.
☾
She never did wait for Jungeun to get back to the dorms. She texted her saying she was staying the night at a classmate’s since they had a group presentation the next day. Jinsol was in college while Jungeun was still in high school, but they knew each other’s friends, so it came to no surprise when her friend told her Jungeun texted her asking if Jinsol really was at her place.
“Your girlfriend’s asking if you’re at my place. Clingy much?”
“Shut up. We’re not like that.” Jinsol sighs out as her friend takes a photo of her, which Jinsol assumes is so she could send to Jungeun to prove she’s there.
“She says she misses you, and to come back home to her. You guys are actually so sickening… you guys literally live with each other! Can’t she let me have you for one night, seriously.” Her friend laughs as Jinsol moves to hit her with a pillow but Jinsol stops when she hears her phone chime.
“Whipped.”
Jinsol wacks her with the pillow before she grabs her phone.
7:49pm Happiness: You looked cute in that photo Yujin sent
7:49pm Happiness: Come be cute at home instead
Jinsol closes her eyes and takes a breath. She really was whipped for her, but for once she knows she shouldn’t go to her. Especially since the lines were so blurred in their friendship.
She’d drop everything for Jungeun but for what? Sure, she could go home and back into Jungeun’s arms and cuddle as they sleep together, but as best friends? Jinsol couldn’t do that to herself anymore. It was torture. There had to be a line between friends and… something more than friends. Jinsol was sick of getting to have Jungeun, but not truly having her. But god, she was addicted. She’d take Jungeun in any way she can. Playing and holding each other’s hands. Hugging each other from behind, laying their heads on each other’s shoulders, cuddling when they sleep. Kissing. Kissing each other everywhere on the face but the lips. But ever since she found out she was seeing another guy that’s when her little fantasy broke. Jungeun isn’t really hers, not in any way. Just as friends. And that’s what confused her. What did Jungeun want from her? Why does she look at Jinsol with love in her eyes? But that’s another thing that’s frustrating Jinsol. Maybe Jungeun wasn’t doing anything at all. Maybe it was just all in Jinsol’s head. Maybe she was reading into every little thing just because she had feelings for her. Jinsol’s been losing her mind thinking about confronting Jungeun because what if that’s exactly what’s happening? She can picture it playing out in her head.
“Jungeun, what are we?”
“What do you mean?”
“Just… everything… all the cuddling, hand holding, the glances… kisses…”
“I don’t get what you’re trying to get at Jinsol… We’ve done all that since forever… We love each other, right? We’re best friends, right? Well, that’s just it, isn’t it?”
“Right… Of course.”
She feels a hand squeeze her shoulder and she looks up to see Yujin with a look on her face.
“Uh, you good? What Jungeun say?”
“Uh, nothing really… Just that Yeojin found my snack stash and she’s handing them out to the others like she won the lottery.” Yujin laughs and starts going on about how she’s glad she doesn’t have to live with Yeojin as Jinsol quickly types a reply to Jungeun.
Back at the dorms Jungeun hears her phone go off and quickly grabs it as all the other girls make whipping noises. She ignores them as she unlocks her phone to check her texts.
7:57pm My Sunshine: You’ll see me tomorrow. Enjoy movie night with the girls.
☾
Was she cursed to feel everything so much more amplified than everyone around her? Another week had passed, and she still feels this weight over her. ‘Why do I waste so much of my time thinking about how you spend yours?’ Jungeun’s on the floor of the dance studio trying to catch her breath, dancing to one song on repeat. Jungeun groans as she sits up and thinks about all the ways she wants Jinsol. No matter what she does, she thinks of only her. She even started seeing a guy who’s been interested in her for months. She thought finally giving him a go would get rid of her feelings for Jinsol. It’s useless though since every time they go out, all Jungeun can think about is how she’d rather be with Jinsol.
Right now, she thinks of how Jinsol’s cheeks seems to take up much of her face lately. Jungeun has always had a strong urge of biting them, but she always settles with kissing them instead. If she had dollar for every time she’s kissed Jinsol’s cheeks, BBC would get the money they’ve invested in their pre-debut project back. Jungeun can’t help herself when she kisses Jinsol. She kisses her so much, hoping that at least one kiss would spark something. Hoping that Jinsol would feel her heart squeeze itself just like Jungeun’s does when Jinsol kisses her.
It’s been several months now and the hope that Jinsol would finally realise that they’re perfect for each other is decreasing. But every time Jungeun is face to face with Jinsol, that hope is sky high again, because she sees it in Jinsol’s eyes. Love. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? It’s not the ‘in love’ kind of love. It’s the kind of love Jungeun stopped wanting a while ago. It’s the kind of love that’s starting to hurt her chest now. The love that’s just reserved for friends. Just friends. That’s all they were to each other.
Jungeun stares at the roof of the studio as she remembers how she was the first one to say the words. The memory plays through her mind again. If she got a dollar for every time she replayed that memory, BBC would have enough money to do a world tour for their debut.
Her mind plays the memory of Jinsol’s doe eyes growing impossibly bigger than normal, her mouth opened in surprise. Back then, Jungeun couldn’t help but laugh at the girl’s shocked expression.
“Say it again.”
“What?”
“Say it again. I want to hear it again.”
“I love you.”
“More.”
“I love you.”
“More.” Jungeun had laughed in disbelief as she looked at Jinsol’s raised eyebrows and wide smile.
“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you….” Jungeun said, repeating the words again and again as she wrapped her arms around Jinsol’s neck. Jinsol’s big eyes were swallowed by her cheeks as she moved her hands from the sides of Jungeun’s waist, snaking her arms around her to bring them closer together.
“Well, I love you too…” Jinsol said as she pressed a lingering kiss on Jungeun’s cheek, “…best friend.” Jinsol gently whispered the last words as she gave Jungeun one last squeeze.
Jungeun sighs as she stands up from the ground. She walks over to the corner and gathers her things, preparing to put them in her bag. She lets the music play as she cleans up the studio.
‘The one word I said to you
Was out of hundreds of words that I picked from
Mixed with thousands of different feelings
And that one word was the best one, do you know?’
Jungeun groans when she hears that bit of the song. She drops everything she had in her hands and just stands there.
You still don’t know me
That’s okay, that’s how it’s supposed to be
Don’t feel pressured
If you don’t want to, you can close me
I know how you feel once you start reading
There’s no end but
There’s one thing I want you to know
After I met you
My pen came to life
Reader, have you ever been so weighted down by gravity that you can’t move?
☾
Jinsol used to love nights like these.
Observing the city lights instead of the night sky since the lights were too bright to see the stars. But it never really felt like a loss. The city lights were just as beautiful. Looking up at the stars, one can’t help but wonder about being nothing but a single speck in the universe. You realise how tiny you are. Sure, you’re just one person; one light. But one light makes a difference too. Looking at the city lights, Jinsol thinks of how everyone and every little thing makes up something greater than itself. Big enough that you could see it from up in space. She told Jungeun this one night when they were watching the city lights from Jinsol’s car and she’ll never forget the soft jingle of a laugh that came out of Jungeun.
“What’s funny?”
“It’s just… Well… You make the sun jobless.”
“Huh?”
“You’re literal sunshine... You shine so bright Jinsol, that you should be up in the sky… You know when it’s summer, but it’s not too hot that it’s boiling? And the suns out, and there’s a light breeze. Imagine you’re just lying there on the grass, leaning on your elbows and you’ve got your eyes closed and you feel it. You’ve got your head thrown back soaking the sun in. You feel the sun’s rays on your face, and the back of your eyelids aren’t black, but they’re pink cause the sun’s rays are so bright. You feel every breath you take and realise that air has never felt that good in your lungs. It’s full. Your chest. In fact, your whole being is full. You ever felt so content in that moment? Even if it lasts for a minute, it’s a reminder that we get to have little moments in our life that are like that. It’s a nice feeling. Like I’ve got something to look forward to. That I get to have more moments like that later on in my life. You’re that, do you know? You’re the sun. You make me feel that. You’re my sunshine.”
Jinsol is brought back to the present when she hears him laugh. Jinsol hates Jungeun. She’d asked if she could bring that guy along. Jinsou hasn’t even bothered to remember his name. ‘If Jungeun ever gets married to him, that’s when I’ll bother learning his name’ Jinsol thinks. But Jinsol knows Jungeun wouldn’t end up marrying him, she’d never let her. He has no personality, and Jinsol’s only been breathing the same air as him for an hour. But she couldn’t say no to Jungeun, especially since her eyes were practically pleading her to say yes. So here they were, at they’re special place, with the guy Jungeun’s been seeing for the past two weeks. Jinsol was relieved when Jungeun said he’d drive to the spot by himself. Jinsol would’ve purposefully crashed her car if she had to witness those two together the way she wished to be with Jungeun.
☾
Tossing and turning, Jinsol ends on her stomach as she groans, trying to get to sleep. She faintly hears rustling, and suddenly she feels the cold air on the left side of her body as someone’s lifted her bedcover off her. Just as she was about to shout at Yeojin she feels her bed dip due to the weight of someone lying down. Jinsol moves so she’s on her back and she immediately feels the warmth of another body as arms envelope around her. By the way their legs are entangled like they have minds of their own, and the smell of sweet perfume, she knows Jungeun is the one who’s in bed with her. Jungeun naturally moves her face to the crook of Jinsol’s neck and sighs in content. Jinsol gives up in resisting her arms from going around Jungeun and just lets them wrap around the younger girl. It all felt so natural. So right.
But that winter, I met you
And now I’m here
You might feel like it doesn’t mean much
But you gave me courage to write on a new page
What to do?
I’ll just start writing again
I’ll show you all my pages
“I’ve missed this” Jungeun whispers. Jinsol had stopped letting Jungeun into her bed. It’s been three weeks, and she had also stopped seeking out the warmth in Jungeun’s bed. Three weeks and Jinsol hadn’t had a decent night of sleep.
Jinsol feels the tingles go straight down her spine as she feels Jungeun take a deep breath in from Jinsol’s neck. “I miss your smell” Jungeun whispers once more. Jinsol swallows hard, trying to swallow the ball in her throat. It’s hard since there’s no saliva in her mouth, she thinks she might choke and die right there and then. She feels Jungeun kiss her neck and Jinsol instinctively squeezes Jungeun closer to her. Jungeun lifts her head and rests her arms on the older girl’s chest to lock her eyes on Jinsol.
They keep the blinds drawn up in their window, using the city lights as their own personal night light since Yeojin doesn’t like to sleep in the dark. Jungeun can see that Jinsol looks different tonight. ‘There’s no love in her eyes, it almost looks like pain.’ Jungeun thinks. Jungeun then kisses Jinsol on the corner of her lips for a good eight seconds, hoping it’ll make her feel better, and hoping Jinsol would finally get it but she feels Jinsol stiffen underneath her.
“What’s wrong baby? You’ve been distant these past few weeks.” Jinsol’s eyes soften when she sees the concern in Jungeun’s eyes. She moves her arms from around Jungeun and instead starts rubbing them up and down Jungeun’s ribs.
“No need for you to worry about it. I’m just stressed, that’s all. All the last major assessments for school. That and we’ve been training so hard for debut, which is so close now.” Jungeun just nods slowly, clearly unconvinced with Jinsol’s answer.
“And…” Jinsol says slowly. Jungeun raises both her eyebrows, waiting for Jinsol to finish her sentence.
“I’ve been trying to put a bit of distance between us because you’ve got a boyfriend now…” Jungeun’s face instantly scrunches up as soon as she hears the word ‘boyfriend’.
“I don’t have a boyfriend…?” Jungeun shakes her head. They both hear laughter from the other dorm, and Jinsol wishes she’d said yes to swapping beds with Sooyoung for the night like she’d asked since Yerim and Yeojin were with Hyejoo in the YYXY dorm playing games until late.
“But… that guy…”
“He’s just a friend.”
“That you’re seeing?”
“Well, I don’t know… I don’t see him that way.”
“Well then, why are you entertaining him?” Jungeun moves away from Jinsol then. Jungeun shakes her head and scoffs.
“I-… Why not? It’s not like it’s anything serious…” Jungeun finally finishes, avoiding looking at Jinsol. ‘It’s not like I actually want him.’ Jungeun thinks.
“I wouldn’t pick him for you.”
“Then who would you pick?”
Jinsol wants to shout. She wants to scream. She wants to cry, and she wants to kiss Jungeun so bad. ‘ME. ME DAMN IT.’ But she can’t bring herself to voice her thoughts.
“I’m going to fall asleep. Baby, if you don’t lie back down, you’re going to have to go back into your own bed” Jinsol replies. Those few seconds of silence were the longest seconds of Jungeun’s life. She really thought Jinsol would say it. She’d say it and then Jungeun would finally be to breathe. Jungeun would finally laugh out loud from the absurdity of it all, because then, she wouldn’t be crazy after all. Because, Jinsol would’ve felt it too.
Jungeun sighs as she starts to rearrange herself, ready to be swallowed by Jinsol’s body again.
“I love you. You know that, right?” Jungeun whispers as she brings her face back into the nook in between Jinsol’s neck and shoulder.
“Me.” Jinsol finally says, with a hoarse voice.
“Hm?” Jungeun moans as she rubs her nose against Jinsol’s neck.
“Me. I’d pick me for you.” Jungeun’s head instantly whips out from its favorite place in the whole world and she looks at Jinsol.
“Say it again.”
“Wh- what?”
“Say it again. I want to hear it again.”
Jinsol’s eyes widen. Jinsol knows this. She knows that this has played out once before. She knows those words. It’s the exact words she said when she first heard Jungeun tell her that she loved her. Jinsol face breaks into a smile. She moves up quickly as she chases Jungeun’s head and she catches up to it to finally kiss her.
Jungeun’s hands are instantly behind Jinsol’s neck and it’s a clash of both their tongues and a chorus of moans. Jungeun swiftly moves on top of Jinsol and minutes go by as they finally let out all the want from their bodies. Jungeun finally decides to come up for air. She rests her forehead against Jinsol’s as they both smile giddily to each other.
“I’d pick me for you, Jungeun.” Jinsol whispers. Jungeun kisses Jinsol once again. They both feel each other’s smiles on their lips.
“This feeling… I want it to stay, Jinsol.”
“So, do I.”
“If I gave you my heart, would you leave me half?”
“If you gave me your heart, I’d give you mine...”
“It’s settled then. I’m yours and you’re mine."
"Jungeun?”
“Yes, baby?”
“I want to be the first one to say this… I’m in love with you.”
“Say it again.”
☾
Don’t fall asleep
Read me (will you think it’s weird?)
Don’t turn your head
Look at me
[Ha:tfelt – Read Me ft. Punchnello]