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“They say that the moon reflects the light of the sun. How can they know for sure? How do they know that it’s not the opposite? Who is they? Welcome to Night Vale.
“It’s town hero Percy Jackson’s twenty-first birthday today! If anyone finds him, please be sure to contact the Sheriff’s Secret Police so that Percy Jackson can report to reeducation immediately. Oh! And don’t forget to wish him a happy birthday!
“A stranger has been spotted near the edge of town, walking along Route 800. He is reported to be about five and a half feet tall with pale skin and black hair. I have just been handed a picture of this stranger, courtesy of the Sheriff’s Secret Police surveillance helicopter - thank you, Intern Michael - and-- Oh. Um, listeners, this stranger… He’s beautiful. Ahem. No matter, regardless of this stranger’s flawless hair and beautiful eyes, he is still a stranger. If you happen to see this beautiful stranger around town, don’t forget to shout ‘Interloper!’ and try to chase him back out into the sand wastes, as is the customary treatment of newcomers. Also, uh, if somebody wanted to slip him my number if they find the chance-- No, sorry, that was unprofessional of me. Ignore that last bit. More on this newcomer later, if he hasn’t yet been run out of town.”
Will had a long day ahead of him - after the sudden and violent death of Intern Michael the night before, the station was one staff member short, so Will had been up since the middle of the night, trying to organize his morning segments while Station Management tried to find a new intern to replace Michael. (Will would have to remember to send his condolences to Michael’s family during his show later. He added it to his mental list of things to do.)
He needed something to keep him awake during his next broadcast, so Will stopped by a coffeeshop on his way to work. He walked in and ordered his coffee, then turned away from the counter to find a place to sit and wait for his drink, when he bumped into somebody.
“Sorry!” Will said immediately, and then looked down at the hark-haired man in front of him. They met eyes, and Will got lost in his shadowy irises for just a second longer than he probably should have. “Oh. Hello, uh...interloper.”
The interloper frowned. “Why does everyone keep calling me that?”
“Because you’re an interloper!” Will said with a bright smile. “Could I, um, maybe buy you a drink? Do you want a coffee or something?” The man nodded, walking up to the counter to order, and Will followed him with a few dollars in his hand. “So, what brings you to this side of the desert, interloper?”
The man frowned again. “I have a name.”
“Oh! Of course, and so do I. I’m Will. And you are…?”
“Nico,” he said.
Will repeated it in his head. Nico. A beautiful name to match a beautiful face. “So, why come to Night Vale, if I may ask?”
“I needed someplace new,” Nico said. “Too many ghosts following me around, so I tried to outrun them.”
“Ghosts, huh?” Will said, leaning against the counter in an attempt to look cool and inviting. “You must be from Pine Cliff, then. You know, that town full of ghosts across the sand wastes?”
“Yeah, I know. That is where I’m from.”
“Oh, wow! I’ve never met a corporeal being from Pine Cliff,” Will said.
Before Will could respond, one of the barista called Will’s name and held up a coffee cup.
“Oh, that’s me,” Will said to Nico. “I’ve gotta get to work, but it was really great meeting you. I’ll see you around sometime, yeah? You could stop by the radio station sometime, if you get a chance. Enjoy your coffee!”
“In recent news, there have been two reported disappearances of residence in the Shambling Orphan neighborhood. If any other Night Vale citizens go missing, in Shambling Orphan or otherwise, please report to the Sheriff’s Secret Police immediately by speaking into any electronic device, as the Secret Police have attached microphones to everything in your home.
“Now, time for a message from our sponsors.”
Two minutes of silence passed.
“That message was brought to you by Pepsi. If you heard that sponsor’s message, please report for reeducation.
“Now, listeners, I’d like to allow a few moments for a personal update, but I’m also obligated to share with you the recent information on our newest interloper. I...had coffee with him today. Well, sort of. I bought him a coffee and then had to leave to come here, but I did get to talk to him! His name is Nico, he’s from Pine Cliff - which is fascinating, right, listeners? He’s not even a ghost! - and he’s even prettier in person.
“Um, sorry, listeners, I’m being glared at by one of the station’s interns to move on - and speaking of interns: To the family of Intern Michael, we regret to inform you that your loved one has been lost to the dangerous responsibilities of an radio intern. We are very sorry for your loss. On the bright side, we now have an opening at the station! If anyone is looking for college credit through an internship or even just something to buff up your resume, come by the Night Vale Community Radio Station and fill out an application today.”
The next time Will saw Nico was after he’d finished broadcasting about a week later. He was exhausted after a long day and all he wanted was to fall into bed and sleep until the sun rose again the next morning, but when he walked out of the station, he bumped into someone.
“Sorry,” Nico said, wiping something red from his eyes. “I can’t really see where I’m going, but, um, you said I should come here to find you? So here I am.”
“I did say that, yeah,” Will replied. “What’s up? Are you...bleeding?”
“No,” Nico said, “at least, I don’t think so. It’s, um. It’s a very long story. Do you maybe have a shower I could use? And a washing machine? I went to the Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area, but there wasn’t actually any water there for some reason.”
“Right, well, that’s what happens in the desert,” Will joked. “But yeah, I only live a little ways from here, so I don’t know if you want to follow me in your car, or--”
“Can I ride with you?” Nico asked. “Um. Unless you don’t want your seats soaked with blood.”
Will shrugged. “I’m sure I’ve got a blanket or something in the trunk to lay over the seats. C’mon.”
The drive to Will’s house was quiet aside from Will’s humming along with the radio, and once they arrived, Will lent Nico some pajamas to change into for after his shower, and Will took his clothes to throw in the wash.
Will had started getting ready for bed himself by the time Nico emerged from the bathroom, Will’s clothes practically hanging off of him and his damp hair hanging in his eyes.
“Feeling better now that you’re not covered in blood?” Will asked from where he was pouring himself a cup of tea.
“Much better, thank you,” Nico replied. “Um, where are my clothes?”
“Still in the washer, and after that it’ll be a little while before they’re dry.” He pulled another mug from the cabinet above him and held it out for Nico to see. “Do you want some tea?”
Nico nodded. “Uh, sure.”
Will poured a second cup of tea and brought the mugs into the living room, the strings of the tea bags hanging over the sides of the mugs when he set them down on the coffee table. He sat down on the couch, gesturing to the empty space beside him for Nico to sit as well.
“So, did you want to share your long story of how you got covered in blood?” Will asked. “You don’t have to, of course, since blood isn’t the strangest thing you could be covered in, but you were acting like it was weird earlier. Was this the first time you’ve ever been covered in blood?”
Nico frowned. “You say that like it’s normal.”
“Of course, it’s normal,” Will said. “Well, maybe not in Pine Cliff or some other places, but here it is. So, what was it? How’d it happen?”
Nico shrugged and reached for his tea. It wasn’t fully steeped yet, but Will wasn’t about to just slap his hand away or something, so he let Nico take a sip. “You know that grocery store? Uh, Ralph’s, I think? I was near there, in that vacant lot behind it, and there was this giant hole in the ground, where I thought I was hearing voices, telling me to come closer. So I did, and something pulled me inside, and at first I thought I’d landed in a puddle, but when I pulled myself out, well. It was a puddle, I guess, but not… a rain puddle.”
“That’s what’s in the hole in the vacant lot out back of the Ralph’s?” Will exclaimed. “I’ve been meaning to send an intern to go and check it out, but there’s always been something more important for them to die doing, so thanks for saving me the trouble! I’m, uh, glad you didn’t die a terrible death worthy of an intern.”
“Um. Thanks, I guess,” Nico said.
“So, where have you been staying since moving to Night Vale?” Will asked, finally reaching for his own tea.
“Oh, um. Around,” Nico answered.
“Around where?” Will tried again.
“The sign said Shambling Orphan, I think,” Nico said. “Over by the baseball fields? I moved in kind of...suddenly, but the house was already furnished, so that was nice.”
“You know, Shambling Orphan is where people have been going missing recently,” Will told him. “I just talked about it on my show today. Have you listened to my show? Welcome to Night Vale , it’s on the community radio station. I talk about almost everything, and it might help you get familiar with the town and some of the people around here.”
“Yeah, that sounds great,” Nico said. “I’ll just have to get a radio, somehow.”
“If your house is fully furnished, then it should be fitted with one of the Secret Police’s standard radios,” Will told him. “They give one to everyone, just so that nobody misses the mandatory announcements and hypnotics.”
Nico stared at Will, as if trying to discern whether he was telling the truth or playing some kind of trick on him. “Right. Do you know how much longer it’ll take for my clothes to be done?”
“I can go check for you, if you want,” Will offered, “but it’s so late already that you might as well stay here for the night. Shambling Orphan is quite a ways away, and I don’t want you to get lost before you know your way around.”
“Thank you,” Nico said.
When Will woke in the morning and wandered out of his room, past the living room and into the kitchen, he saw Nico still asleep on the couch, curled up under the blanket and looking so incredibly adorable.
Will started gathering things to make breakfast, wishing he could make coffee but not wanting to wake Nico by smashing the coffee beans on the counter with a mallet to make grounds. He knew he should just keep pre-hammered grounds on hand, but they were never as good unless they were fresh. He’d have to settle for tea instead.
He’d started cooking up pancakes when Nico finally stumbled into the kitchen with a yawn, and Will thought he was falling in love.
“Good morning,” Will said with a bright smile. “I hope you like pancakes!”
Nico nodded, and the way he was staring at the cakes in the pan made Will think that he couldn’t have eaten in days.
“Did you sleep well?” Will asked, scooping the pancakes onto a plate and handing them over to Nico. “I know that couch isn’t the most comfortable.”
“Better than the floor,” Nico said, and thanked Will for the plate.
Will raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you sleep on the floor often?” He poured more batter into the pan.
“I used to,” Nico replied, taking a seat at the breakfast bar. “Before I came here. Having a roof is more important than a bed, really.”
Will flipped each of the new pancakes. “I guess so, yeah. How’d you find your house in Shambling Orphan? I don’t think you told me last night. It’s not the easiest neighborhood to get into, you know.”
Nico ducked his head. “I, uh, stumbled across it, sort of.”
“You say that like you walked past an empty house and just walked inside,” Will said.
Nico shoved a bite of pancake into his mouth as an excuse to not speak right away. “I did.”
Will flipped the pancakes onto a plate and went to sit next to Nico. “So, not really your house, but the house you’re squatting in.”
“Please don’t call the police,” Nico begged. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go, I just needed to get out of the rain, I--”
“Hey, don’t worry,” Will cut in. “I won’t tell anybody. You can even stay here until you find a place of your own. I don’t mind, really.”
“Seriously?” Nico asked. “Thank you so much. I’ll… I’ll find some way to repay you, I promise.”
“Really, don’t worry about it. Just enjoy your pancakes, and don’t trash the place while I’m at work,” Will said, elbowing him gently. “Or, uh, rob the place. You’re not gonna steal from me, are you?”
Nico looked panicked for a moment before Will smiled. “I’m kidding.”
“We have a big announcement coming in from City Hall today, but since the recent local law passing that states that time is imaginary, we’ve all been confused about when messages should be sent and announcements be made. I’m not even sure that I started my broadcast at the usual time this morning, because all clocks - analog and digital - have been removed from the station. Even my watch was confiscated when I walked through the door. I hope I can get it back eventually. It belonged to my grandfather.
“Anyway, while we’re waiting for that special announcement to come in, I’d like to take a moment for a personal update to pass the imaginary time. I have a very attractive new house guest that I’m very excited to tell you all about. His name is Nico, but you might remember him as the town’s most recent interloper. And I know what you might be thinking: yes, he does look adorable when he first wakes up in the morning.”
When Will got home later that day, his house looked cleaner than it had in the few years he’d lived here. The sink was empty of the usual dirty dishes, the windows looked to have been cleaned, and the carpet had been vacuumed. The radio was playing, though Nico wasn’t anywhere in sight.
“Nico?” Will called out as he toed off his shoes by the door. He walked into the living room and saw Nico sitting on the couch, chewing on his thumb nail. “Nico?” he tried again.
“Did you mean what you said?” Nico asked, not yet looking up at Will.
“Did I mean what?”
“You said I’m adorable,” Nico said, finally turning around.
“Oh,” Will said, feeling his cheeks heating up at Nico stared at him. “Um. Yeah, I did say that. And mean it. You… You did look very cute when you looked up this morning. I hope that’s not weird for me to say.”
“It’s...not. I don’t think so, anyway,” Nico told him, rising from the couch and stepping toward him. “I, um. I think you’re attractive, too.”
“Oh,” Will said again, blinking a few times. “Oh! Oh, wow, that’s, um. Neat!”
“I said, that’s neat! Can you believe that, listeners? I’m such an idiot. It’s amazing to me that he still asked me out after that. He’s so perfect and I don’t deserve him. But, that’s enough about me! Let’s take a moment to look at the weather.”
They went out to dinner usually for their dates, as Will spent most of his daylight hours in the radio station. Nico had gotten a job at the Ace Hardware - beating out all of the unemployed baristas that had been flocking out front of the store for weeks now - and promised Will that he would start paying Will back for letting him live in his house. Will told him that if he started paying for dates then they could call it even.
Will had spent much more time broadcasting about his dates than he probably should have, but he was so happy to have Nico that he couldn’t help himself sometimes, and a few of his listeners had even written in to the show asking for more personal updates - station management couldn’t argue with actual listener feedback. Probably.
Will had just finished describing his and Nico’s last date to the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex where the two of them had raced to see who could win the other more prizes, and started playing the weather when the studio door opened. Nico walked in, still wearing his work uniform apron, and sat down right on Will’s lap.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Will asked, wrapping his arms around Nico’s waist to hold him in place.
“I’m on my lunch break,” Nico told him. “I wanted to see you.” He leaned forward and met Will’s lips for a kiss.
“You shouldn’t just sneak in here,” Will said unconvincingly. “You could get us in trouble.”
“Is it still sneaking if your intern let me in?” Nico asked, threading his fingers into Will’s hair.
Will hummed. “I guess not.”
The control room speaker crackled to life and Intern Kayla’s voice came through: “You have fifty seconds before the weather ends.”
Will groaned and tipped his head forward onto Nico’s shoulder.
Nico pressed a kiss to Will’s cheek before sliding off his lap. “I’ll see you after your show.”
“Okay,” Will said. “See you later.”
He watched as Nico walked back out of the room before refocusing on his show. When the weather finished, he switched his microphone back on and began to talk.
“Nico just stopped by during the weather but had to leave before the show resumed, and I miss him already. Is that weird? He literally just walked out the door, he might even still be in the building at this point, but I feel like I haven’t seen him in months. It’s like it...hurts, almost. I-- Wow, I think I’m...in love with him?
“Oh, no! Wait, I shouldn’t be saying that to all of you, I should be saying that to him! Nobody say anything to him, he has to hear it from me. I need to go find him, I have to--
“Okay. Okay. Let me just see… Okay. There’s not much else going on today, we’ve got a few more ads to play, but nothing pressing. Intern Kayla, please play a few of these ads while I’m gone, and I’ll be back as fast as I can. Oh, I really hope Station Management doesn’t kill me for this…”
Will ripped his headphones off and shoved his chair away from his desk before he darted out of the room. He ran out of the station and toward the Ace Hardware, catching Nico just before he stepped back inside.
“Will? What are you doing? Why aren’t you still broadcasting?” Nico asked as Will hunched over, trying to catch his breath.
“I--” he panted. “I love you.”
Nico frowned, cocking his head to the side in confusion. “I love you too, but you’re going to get in trouble.”
“You... love me?” Will asked, straightening carefully though still breathing heavily.
“Yes, Will, I love you,” Nico said. “Can we talk about this later? I don’t want you to get fired or something.”
Will pressed forward and kissed him, once, quickly. “I love you,” he said, and started to move back in the direction he’d come. He started jogging backwards and shouted, “I love you!”
Nico stood at the door, smiling shyly and waving. He blew a kiss to Will, who caught it and pressed it over his heart before finally turning around and rushing back to work.
“As I’m sure you remember from yesterday, I told Nico that I love him, and he said it back. Can you believe that? He loves me back! I still feel like I’m dreaming. We went out for dinner last night at Tourniquet to celebrate, and stopped by City Hall to fill out a few certain forms in triplicate, if you know what I mean.
“Ahem. Um. Sorry, listeners, that was inappropriate of me. Forget I said anything. But anyway, listeners, I hope you all find your own perfect boyfriends or girlfriends or something in between with whom you can share your love and get blood drawn for your required relationship forms. Of course, perfect for all of you could never reach how perfect Nico is for me.
“Good night, Night Vale. Good night.”