Work Text:
“Did you get the stuff?” Keith hounded the minute Lotor walked in the door.
Lotor glanced around the room, pulling a bag from his trench coat. He tipped his sunglasses just slightly down his nose before replying in a faint whisper, “I believe I got everything you said.”
He opened the bag and Keith gave it a once over. At first glance, it looked like everything, or so he hoped. “Okay good…and he’s not here so you can stop whispering and being suspicious.”
“It’s called being discreet.”
“Whatever it is, it’s unnecessary. We have to hurry up before Matt gets back. We only have a few hours.”
“Baking a cake can’t be that hard,” Lotor said as he stripped off his coat. “We just follow the recipe.”
Keith shook his head and began to empty the bags. Everything appeared to be there—flour, sugar, and eggs and whatever else was on the recipe list. With absolutely no baking skills, he had just picked the simplest one he could find on The Food Network app. It was a white cake with a buttercream frosting. He figured between the two of them they’d be able to muster up an edible cake for Matt’s birthday. It was the least they could do, since their boyfriend pretty much did all the cooking. Before Matt, Lotor had a fully staffed mansion and could barely boil water, while Keith had been living on TV dinners and fast food.
“Well first the recipe says…” Keith paused to read the instructions on his phone, “ to preheat the oven and grease two nine by nine inch cake pans .”
“ Grease? ” Lotor’s face twisted in disgust, “With what? That sounds gross.”
“I don’t know! Any grease I guess. Bacon grease?”
Keith honestly had no idea, but Lotor nodded, so maybe it wasn’t that bad of a suggestion? Surely they had bacon in the fridge. Matt did the grocery shopping and was usually pretty good about keeping the kitchen stocked.
“Alright, while I work on the bacon,” because Lord knew Lotor could not be trusted on the stove , “You start measuring out ingredients.”
For the first twenty minutes everything seemed to go smoothly. Lotor had their ingredients separated into cups and bowls. Keith had more than enough grease for the pans. Matt wasn’t the only guy in this relationship who could cook. Lotor and Keith could handle themselves in the kitchen just fine.
“So next it says we’re supposed to cream the butter and the sugar .”
“But I didn’t buy any cream?” Lotor frowned, searching the counters just to make sure. “Perhaps Matt has some in the fridge?”
Keith searched the fridge, emerging a few moments later with a bottle of heavy cream.
“It didn’t say how much to add though.”
“Enough to cover the butter and the sugar I would imagine.”
Keith shook the bottle. “I don’t know if we have that much but I’ll use what we’ve got.” He began to pour what amounted to about half a bottle of cream into the bowl with the sugar and butter. “Looks good enough right?”
“Looks fine to me!”
“Alright, next we beat in the eggs and the vanilla. Then we beat in the baking powder and the flo—”
“Baking what? ” Lotor asked.
“Baking powder.”
Lotor tapped as his chin, “Is that the same as baking soda?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well they both have ‘baking’ in them. Never mind. I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Lotor said, brushing it off.
“Well, you hold the mixer and I’ll pour the stuff in, okay?”
If Lotor looked apprehensive, he didn’t say anything. Kitchen tools weren’t exactly his forte, but he seemed to have good control over the hand mixer. Keith slowly added the other ingredients into their bowl. It only took a few minutes, and admittedly some parts were lumpier than others, but it seemed decent.
“That looks like a cake batter right?” asked Lotor as he lifted the bowl, twirling it in his hands. It was runny, but not like soup. “Taste it.”
With the tip of finger, Keith swiped some batter from the edge. Lotor would be lying if he said watching him suck the batter from his finger wasn’t distracting enough to make him want to forget this cake altogether.
“Tastes like a cake batter.”
“Excellent. Let’s get it into the pans and we can work on this frosting.”
With only four ingredients and two steps, they thought the frosting would be even simpler than the cake. They thought wrong.
“Margarine and butter are the same thing right?” Keith asked with narrowed eyes. “I mean it’s called buttercream but the recipe asks for margarine.”
“Well I bought margarine , so I can only assume they are interchangeable.”
“I don’t feel like they taste the same though.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“What?” Keith smirked, “They don’t have butter in mansions?”
“I would assume! I just showed up to the meals at the designated times okay? I didn’t make them. Just put the margarine in the bowl and pour in the sugar.”
After his little comment, Lotor was glad to see opening the sugar proved to be a chore, until the bag exploded over the two of them in a cloud of powdered sugar.
“What the hell!” cried Keith, tossing the remains of bag on the counter and trying to brush off his shirt. “It’s everywhere!”
“Indeed it is,” Lotor deadpanned. He was met with a glare but seemed unfazed, sucking sugar from the back of his hand. “We should probably clean this before Matt gets home.”
“I’ll clean and you can fix the—” Suddenly the timer on Keith’s phone went off, a loud chirp emitting from its speakers. “Or we can check the cake.”
They opened the oven door expecting a perfect, golden brown dome, but instead were greeted with wet, chunky disgrace. Steaming hot globs of batter fell to the floor as Keith removed the pans from the oven.
“What is that abomination? ”
“I think it’s our cake?” Keith replied.
“That thing is not a cake!”
“Obviously! We must’ve messed something up.”
“I can’t imagine what.”
“Maybe the—” Keith started, only to have the sound of a key turning in the door stop him in his tracks. He and Lotor locked eyes in a panic. The only other person with a key besides them was Matt, which meant Matt was home—home to see not only their mess, but their failed cake and the bowl of room temperature margarine that should’ve been their frosting.
“Hey guys,” Matt greeted cheerfully. The thud of his bag dropping in the entryway echoed in the silence. “Is somebody making bacon?”
Neither of them answered, unsure of whether or not to explain themselves or abandon their failures and run while they still could. Keith looked about ready to take the second option when Matt stepped into the doorway.
“Are we having breakfast for dinner? I love— Oh my God , what happened in here?”
Keith and Lotor knew they were done for. Matt was going to see their sorry excuse for a cake and probably ban them from ever even attempting to cook for him ever again. They braced themselves for the obvious tongue lashing they were about to get, their eyes darting backing and forth between each other and their boyfriend. Yet instead of scolding looks or harsh words, they were met with Matt’s doubled over laughter.
“What’s going on in here? Why do you two look like you just committed murder?”
Lotor sighed, “I wouldn’t say murder, maybe manslaughter is a better description? We were trying to make you a birthday cake.”
Keith held out their cake. Matt’s face held the same look of confusion and disgust as their own had. He reached out to touch the surface of the cake, rubbing the uncooked batter between his fingertips, before a nervous smile stretched broad across his lips. “How about we order in? We can order somewhere that has cake.”
X
Forty minutes later, they were sitting on the couch eating take out. Keith was curled into Matt’s side while Lotor’s head lay in his lap, both of them still pouting as he recounted every hilarious detail of their failure with absolute hysterics.
“So you tried to grease the pan with bacon grease? ” Laughed Matt.
“Yes,” Keith deadpanned.
“And you thought creaming meant just pouring cream into the batter. That’s it? Even though there was no cream in the recipe?”
Lotor rolled his eyes, “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you Google it? Or call Hunk? He bakes.”
“Google is for suckers,” Keith grumbled.
Lotor rolled his eyes and added, “Hunk can’t keep a secret.”
Matt shook his head, stifling more soft giggles. “Well, even though your cake plan failed, I appreciate that you tried… We all know Lotor shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a kitchen after all .”
“I am only going to let that slide because it’s your birthday ,” he griped from Matt’s lap.
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” smile Matt, “but really this was the best surprise from the two best boyfriends ever. Thank you.”