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Movies and TV shows and stuff always made study dates seem like fun.
One of the teens would be a hopeless failure in one of their classes and the other would take it upon themselves to tutor them in the subject of their failing. They'd end up pressed up against each other, elbow to elbow and sharing in each other's body heat as they sat at a table and poured over the same textbook. The one who needed the help would point to a proposed answer to one of the big questions on the study guide for next week's test, and their tutor would just sigh and roll their eyes before taking their hand and sliding their finger to the correct answer. Then they'd notice that, as they explained how the actual answer made sense, they were still holding their pupil's hand and hadn't let go yet. That was the part where they realized they didn't want to let go. Then the two students share a meaningful look, faces inches apart before slowly closing the distance between them, textbook long forgotten.
Call him a sap, but Makoto was always a sucker for cheesy teen romcoms.
Unfortunately, said cheesy teen romcoms had blinded him to the actual nature of study dates, because movies and TV shows and stuff always made study dates seem like fun.
Movies and TV shows and stuff didn't take into account what it was like having Byakuya Togami for a boyfriend.
And Makoto had definitely tried to put on the moves the first time he and Byakuya had had a study date. Well...as much as an awkward bisexual kid who'd never done this before in his life and gotten all of his romantic advice from teen dramas could put on the moves. He'd done the thing where he sidled up next to Byakuya, pressing up against his arm and trying to read over the taller boy's shoulder, laying his head down on his boyfriend's bicep, just like he'd seen all the teen couples on TV do...
...only for Byakuya to respond in the least romantic way possible.
The blond stopped everything, and not in the cute, flustered way that Makoto had been aiming for. His back went straight, his sharp gaze snapped from the words on the page to staring Makoto down, and then he'd said, "What are you doing."
It hadn't been phrased as a question, but Makoto still tried stammering out an answer, without mentioning the part where he thought this would work because he'd seen it in a summer teen flick. "Oh, I, uh, I dunno - I...I just like being close to you, y'know?"
Byakuya wasn't buying it. "When you said that you wanted to come over to study, I'd assumed that meant we were actually going to be studying. What you're trying to do right now? That isn't studying."
"W-well, I just figured, since we're studying together, we could...you know-"
"We have a history exam tomorrow, Makoto, and I have no intentions of walking into it unprepared. While I understand your intentions, you're being a distraction." Byakuya cut him off, an irritated edge to his voice, and Makoto then felt very small and foolish, like a little kid being scolded by his father. He made to give Byakuya some space, a mumbled apology already on his lips when he heard his boyfriend sigh. Chancing a glance up, Makoto found that Byakuya's gaze had softened just slightly and the blond added, "However...if your horribly unsubtle actions are evidence of your true intentions for coming over, I suppose I can accommodate you." The look of excitement on Makoto's face must have also been "horribly unsubtle" because as soon as he felt his mood brighten, Byakuya was laughing, a quiet chuckle as he brushed some of Makoto's bangs away and pressed his lips to his forehead. "After we're done studying."
Makoto'd be lying if he said that last part hadn't put a slight damper on his excitement, but he supposed he'd take what he could get.
So study dates between him and Byakuya tended to be less like "dates while studying" and more like "studying first, followed by a date." And, sure, it's a little disappointing that Makoto wouldn't be getting the chance to live out his ideal romantic teen drama study date fantasy, but it's not all bad! It had turned out that post-study cuddling was a really good reward and motivator for Makoto to get his homework done faster, and having a boyfriend who was so strict about being ready for tests and quizzes might've actually been raising his grade average!
But still, if there is one complaint he has, it's that the studying half of the study date is still so dull. Yeah, he may have had the motivation to study now, but that doesn't make the actual studying any more exciting. It doesn't help that Byakuya is such a stickler with his studying methods. They're really only studying together in name only; Makoto isn't allowed to sit with him or even make any small talk that isn't related to the material they were going over, because if he tries, Byakuya would tell him that he was being a distraction.
Maybe Makoto's just being overemotional, but it kinda stings when your boyfriend waves you off and calls you a "distraction." He thinks maybe one day he'll mention it to Byakuya, but right now he's got a book report due next week on a novel he's only half finished so far and Byakuya's silence policy does admittedly make for a good reading environment.
Speaking of Byakuya, while Makoto's lounging upside down on his bed with his book in hand, Byakuya is over at his desk, going through what Makoto is pretty sure is their math textbook. He can't actually recognize it from a distance, and especially not when he has his own book to be focusing on, but he can tell by the tighter than normal furrows in Byakuya's brow that he's probably working on algebra homework. Byakuya always seems to be particularly intense when it comes to doing math. Makoto figures it probably has something to do with the whole "being the heir to a massive financial conglomerate" thing; math is technically kind of his entire livelihood, right?
Makoto's just about to finish his chapter when he hears mumbling coming from Byakuya's side of the room. At first, he thinks that it's Byakuya just doing some mental math out loud, which he's been known to do on occasion. It doesn't happen often and when it does, he almost always catches himself and apologizes - well, sort of; it always sounds like he's scolding himself more than he's saying sorry - but Makoto doesn't really mind it. If he's honest, it's kind of cute to know that even the great Byakuya Togami has his quirks.
However, he catches on pretty quickly that it isn't mental math that Byakuya's talking to himself about. For one, Makoto doesn't hear any numbers from Byakuya's mouth, and last he checked, those were kind of a major part of math. But more striking is that...Byakuya sounds angry, or at the very least frustrated. That's what confuses Makoto; Byakuya never gets frustrated during homework. He's always been too...good at homework to get mad about it, or at least that's what Makoto always figured.
He wants to open his mouth and ask if something's the matter, if there's anything he could do to help, but before he speaks, he stops and considers. What if math homework is just really tough tonight? What if Byakuya's just voicing some general frustrations to himself? What if he just gets more upset if Makoto interrupts him?
I better not, Makoto thinks to himself bitterly as he turns his page. Don't wanna be a "distraction."
What he isn't counting on is Byakuya being the one to reach out for help. "Makoto." The anger in his tone has faded into a resigned irritation and he momentarily removes his glasses to massage the spot just under his right eyebrow. It's funny, Makoto doesn't think it should make that much of a difference, but Byakuya always looks more tired when he's not wearing his glasses. The blond sounds almost ashamed when he asks, "Could I ask you for a favor?"
It shouldn't even be a question and normally, it isn't. Makoto can't remember the last time someone actually asked his permission before dumping a request on him. He thinks it should be a nice feeling, but really, now he's just concerned. "Yeah, what's up?"
"I..." Byakuya replaces his glasses and starts to speak, but then he immediately stops himself like he's reconsidering his next words. The silence hangs for a good few seconds and it gets to the point that Makoto's expecting him to drop the issue with a 'no, nevermind' and a wave of his hand. But, right before the part where the pause would've gotten really unnerving, the blond finally says, "My pen is gone." He then does a short, quick motion to the top of his desk, where his books and papers sit, and yeah, as far as Makoto can see, there's no pen among them. "The top drawer of the nightstand, I keep spares in there. Get one for me?"
Makoto's already marking the page where he stopped reading before the request is even finished. "Sure, not a problem."
Any bitterness he has towards always being called a distraction fades in an instant because he doesn't think it's fair to be petty and that's a conversation they can have for later. So instead, he swings his legs off the side of the mattress and pulls open the top drawer. Just like Byakuya said, there are a number of replacement pens inside, but...that isn't what catches his attention. No, the object that grabs his curiosity rattles as it rolls on its side and before he can consider that maybe it isn't a good idea, he picks it up, drawing further noise from it.
"Hey, what's this?" Makoto asks as he turns the pill bottle over in his hand, squinting to read the tiny print on the label. Geez, if Byakuya had to read stuff this small every day, then Makoto thought it was really no wonder his boyfriend needed glasses. But even if the print was bigger, Makoto didn't think he'd be able to understand what was written on the label anyway; a lot of the words were overly complex, complicated sounding medical jargon that looked more like a scramble of random letters than anything that actually meant something. Dextro...am - what?
But when Byakuya glances over to see what Makoto's referring to, his eyes darken. "No. No, put those back where you found them; I can't afford them getting lost."
Makoto knows he should probably just listen and let the issue go, but now Byakuya's reaction has him getting worried. If the pills were just something simple like vitamins or a sleeping aid, he could've just said as much, right? But...he said he couldn't "afford them getting lost," which meant they were something he needed, a required medication, then?
"Are...are you sick?" Makoto ventures carefully. The question makes his stomach churn uneasily. This wasn't an over-the-counter pill bottle, definitely not something that could just be picked up on a whim for a passing cold or illness. This was clearly a prescription drug, something you needed written permission from a doctor to take. So...what were they for? How long had Byakuya been on these?
And why did he never tell Makoto about it?
Byakuya clearly wasn't in the mood to answer any of those questions, judging by his reaction. "I believe I only sent you over there for a pen, Makoto." He was avoiding the question, and that should've been Makoto's clue to drop the topic and leave it alone, but now he just felt even more nauseous. If his reaction was anything to go by, then Byakuya really was sick. He was sick, but...didn't want to talk about it? Not even with Makoto, of all people? But they were supposed to trust each other, weren't they? His grip on the bottle squeezes as he loses himself in that line of questions, falling deeper into the rabbit hole of what all this meant, until Byakuya's voice sharply brings him back. "Makoto. The pen. Please."
Getting a 'please' from Byakuya Togami is something of an honor and normally, Makoto might've made a joke about it along those lines, but at the moment, he knows it's not appropriate and isn't really in the mood. He can hear the real meaning behind it: Put them back. Leave it alone. Fine, if that's what really he wants... "Right...sorry." Makoto lets his hold on the bottle go, setting it back down inside the nightstand drawer and switching it for one of the numerous pens also laying inside - what does he even need this many pens for, anyway?, Makoto finds himself wondering offhandedly.
Makoto delivers the pen as promised, and when Byakuya takes it, his movements are stiff. Not particularly angry or snippy, just hesitant, cautious. It comes across in his tone, too, when he offers a quiet and curt, "Thank you."
That should be it. That should be the end of the exchange, and Makoto knows it, but he hesitates. He takes a quick glance back at the book he left abandoned on Byakuya's bed and he knows for a fact he isn't going to be able to stay focused on it, not now, with questions eating away at him and uncertainty making him feel sick. He's allowed to be concerned, right? No, he's supposed to be concerned, isn't he? Being worried is natural, wanting answers is natural! With that thought in mind, Makoto takes a breath to calm his nerves, clenches his fists so he can pretend his hands aren't shaking, and asks slowly, "How...bad is it?"
"Oh, for the love of God." Byakuya sighs and puts his pen down along the centerfold of his textbook. He doesn't even look at Makoto and in fact, goes out of his way to prevent eye contact between them by resting his right hand on his face and forehead in just the right way that Makoto can't see his expression anymore. It was almost like he was hiding, and the thought alone caused another surge of discomfort inside Makoto. Why couldn't he just be honest? Why was that so hard for him?! When Byakuya's hand does come down, his face is stern and unreadable, probably an expression he'd trained himself in for business meetings and stuff. "I'm not dying, if that makes you feel any better."
It...sort of did, sure, but that didn't actually answer any of his questions, and alright, fine, maybe Makoto was still feeling a little bit of residual anger at always being called a distraction, and that's why he keeps pushing. "But you are sick? And you never told me? What, do you not trust me, is that it?"
"I never said that I didn't trust you." Byakuya snaps back immediately. He's trying his best to keep his tone level, but Makoto doesn't miss the edge in it, like he's offended that Makoto would even suggest such a thing. Great, now they're both upset, and Makoto guesses that means that this is officially a full-fledged argument. Fantastic. He's never been particularly good in arguments, he knows it, always quick to buckle and apologize, while Byakuya seems to have the means of talking another person down and making them feel like an idiot to an art. He bites his tongue as Byakuya stares him down and a little voice in the back of his head reprimands him, you could've just dropped it when he told you to, why couldn't you just let it go? Just say you're sorry and get it over with, you know you hate fighting with him.
He does hate fighting with Byakuya, and contrary to what outside observers to their relationship might believe, they don't fight often. While they don't see eye to eye on everything, very rarely do those minor disagreements ever grow to full-scale arguments. When they do, however, Makoto can't stand it, the way the air shifts, the way Byakuya squares his shoulders and shuts down emotionally, going full "business CEO" mode, because the heir doesn't know how to handle those kinds of emotions in a personal environment, so instead he just reverts back to what he does know and what he's been trained in.
Makoto's waiting for it now, that small change in posture that'll signify that he's already lost before Byakuya's even said anything, but it doesn't come. Rather, Byakuya's the one to break eye contact first and blond's eyes darken with an emotion that Makoto can't quite place, but what he can place is that this is not "business CEO" mode, this is not Byakuya reverting back to years of strict impersonal training. Makoto continues to bite his tongue anyway despite the pain, because he knows if he stops, he's going to start speaking and he can't be completely sure what's going to come out if he does.
Byakuya is the one to break the silence, however. He exhales slowly, still not making eye contact, eyes still glossed over with that dark sheen, and then says, "It's not even what I would call a sickness, per se. It's...an impairment, at worst." His voice is soft now and the edge that was in it previously has vanished. But it's something about his tone, in the way that he considers each word, that allows Makoto to finally place the emotion reflected in Byakuya's eyes.
Guilt.
He doesn't say as much, but Makoto can feel it now, in the way he's speaking, in his mannerisms. This is Byakuya's admission of fault. This is Byakuya apologizing. This is him opening the floor to any and all questions Makoto may have. When Byakuya makes eye contact again, he's giving permission and telling Makoto to ask again.
So Makoto does. "What are they for, Byakuya?"
Byakuya takes another one of those slow, deep breaths like he's working up the courage to speak. "They are," he answers carefully, like he's examining each individual word for the potential to reveal some hidden weakness, "a prescribed medication for the management of symptoms associated with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder."
At first, Makoto doesn't like the way he's talking, speaking slowly and deliberately using big words; something about it worries him. But as soon as Byakuya's sentence is finished and Makoto really gets the chance to absorb what was just said, the worry is promptly replaced by...bewilderment. Attention...Deficit...? "Wait. ADHD?"
"That would be the more...common phrase for it, I suppose, yes," Byakuya replies, and there's a distinct difference in his tone now. It's almost like a resignment; now that words are out and he has nothing more to hide, he's done feeling shameful about it and trying to rebuild some semblance of pride.
The words are out of Makoto's mouth before he can stop himself. "But...you don't have ADHD."
The look Byakuya fixes him with he can only describe as a mixture of bafflement and offense. "Oh, really? Well, the child psychologist I was made to see when I was six and the doctor that filled out the prescription for me both seem to disagree, but yes, by all means, I could use a third opinion."
"No, I mean - I just..." Makoto starts babbling to recover and he wants to say he didn't mean it like that, but as his brain struggles to fit together the pieces of his boyfriend, Byakuya Togami, who prides himself on perfection at all times, and the concept of ADHD, he's starting to think that maybe he did. Makoto doesn't have experience with ADHD - he knows of ADHD as a concept, but he can't claim to have ever interacted with it in real life. And the idea he has in his head of a typical person with ADHD does not match up with the image he has of his boyfriend. "But, I mean...you're smart! Like...really smart!"
Byakuya isn't impressed with the compliment. "Yes, of course. I'm a veritable genius, thank you for noticing."
"And you...you have perfect grades!"
"This is also true, yes. Is there a point to you telling me things about myself that I'm already fully aware of?"
"I just...don't understand. How, I mean. How you have..." Makoto trails off on his own and it's like even his mouth refuses to believe it, refuses to vocalize the idea of Byakuya having ADHD even being a possibility.
"Logically speaking?" Byakuya's reply is dry and reeks of sarcasm. "I was born with a genetic defect in my brain that causes a chemical imbalance, making it so I can't produce enough dopamine on my own. Does that answer your question?"
Makoto doesn't even know what dopamine is. "Not...really, no." The noise that response draws forth from Byakuya is a harsh one of frustration and his chest aches at the sound of it. That wasn't the right answer, so his next instinct is to blurt out, "I'm sorry! I...I'm really sorry." He takes a step back and then takes a seat on the edge of Byakuya's bed, ducking his head down into his hood. It takes a second for him to find his voice again, but when he does, he continues on, "I really do wanna understand. I know I'm kinda slow, but...I'm listening, if you're willing to explain it to me."
Byakuya doesn't respond immediately. Instead, at first, he seems more content to just stare at Makoto and...not in the fun way that makes him feel warm and giddy. No, the staring this time is cold and calculating, and that just makes Makoto feel nervous. The silence drags and it suddenly occurs to him that Byakuya's going to say no, isn't he? Of course he is, why wouldn't he? All Makoto'd done today was go through his stuff, panic over attention medicine, and then deny that Byakuya even needed the stuff when a professional doctor clearly said he did! Why would Byakuya even bother after Makoto had been a complete idiot like that?
He's bracing himself to be told to get out when Byakuya asks, "Tell me, Makoto. Have you ever wondered why I would ever need ten pairs of identical prescription lenses?"
He turns his head mechanically to look at the stand on the dresser where Byakuya keeps all his glasses, but it takes a second for his brain to realize wait, that had been a question. A question he was being expected to answer, which meant that he was not being thrown out, which was not something he'd been prepared for. "Uh, well, I mean," he stammers as his mind struggles to catch up, "I...I guess I always figured they were for just in case? And, y'know, since you're rich and all, you decided to splurge?"
A humorless laugh comes from Byakuya's lips and Makoto thinks that's an improvement from his earlier mood, but then again, maybe he's just being hopeful. "Well, you're half right, at the very least. They are for 'just in case,' as you call it, but, as it turns out, 'just in case' happens more frequently than I'd like to admit for me. I...have the unfortunate habit of misplacing things, a result of my," there's a moment of hesitation on the last word, "...disorder."
The admission causes Makoto to remember and realize a pattern. "Is...is that why you have so many pens, too?"
Byakuya huffs and clears his throat in a combination that Makoto can only chalk up to embarrassment. "Today's wasn't the first pen to go missing, and I'm sure it won't be the last."
He nods his head slowly and isn't quite sure how to proceed, but he said he'd listen and he's committed, so he chooses to just cast a wide net and see where Byakuya takes it. This is his conversation to lead, after all, not Makoto's. "Are there other parts of the...disorder I should know about?"
Byakuya leans back in his seat, crosses his arms, and 'hmm's. Makoto thinks maybe he's getting comfortable, but isn't sure if that's because their conversation is going to be a long one and he's preparing himself or if it's because he's finally loosening up and becoming more relaxed about the idea of opening up about all this. Makoto kind of hopes it's the latter, for a couple of reasons.
"I have three calendars." Byakuya finally states after a period of thought. "The one on my desk, the one on my phone, and a notebook planner. Whenever I have an important meeting or deadline, it's imperative I mark it in all three, because dates tend to slip my mind. Memory is another aspect that the disorder has an unfortunate impact on. The medication does help with that issue, but on occasion, some things will slip through the cracks."
Makoto's eyes drift towards the desk, and oh yeah, now that he's looking, he does notice a desk calendar sitting on the far left corner, right next to Byakuya's algebra textbook, which sat abandoned with the pen he'd delivered still laid across it. It suddenly occurs to him as he brushes his hand against the spine of his own forgotten book that, right, this was a study date, or it had been at one point, before they'd both gotten distracted-
His heart suddenly drops in his chest as that word sticks in his head: distracted.
Oh, no. Oh, god, it all made sense now! This had been sitting right in front of him this whole time, and it took until now for him to fit the pieces together? This was the reason why Byakuya was so strict about "no touching, no talking" during study time, because paying attention was already a struggle for him. And Makoto had been angry about it. He'd been upset about being told to be quiet for half an hour while Byakuya was the one who was just trying to function in a comfortable working environment!
Barely above a whisper, all he can manage is, "You should've told me."
"Makoto, you can't honestly expect me to understand you when you're mumbling into your chest like that." Byakuya's voice is firm and clear, but his tone isn't accusatory even though it really, really should be right about now.
"Every time you said - you said I was being a distraction! You should've just told me!" Makoto finds his voice despite the pressure in his chest that's making him feel awful, and oh good, his hands are shaking now, too. "You should've told me that I was just making everything...worse for you."
Now he's the one feeling guilty, and he squeezes his eyes shut in a combination of both that and embarrassment. Geez, he'd been such an idiot about this, getting upset and for what? Because he had a weakness for teen romance dramas? Yeah, great job, Makoto; way to get overemotional while your boyfriend's struggling with a learning disorder.
He hears movement but doesn't dare open his eyes; he's too mortified to even think about meeting Byakuya's eyes right now. That is, until he feels contact against his skin, and curiosity forces his eyes open on instinct. Byakuya is front of him, kneeling at the edge of his bed so that they're on the same level, with one hand under Makoto's chin and the other placed onto of Makoto's still faintly trembling hands. "Makoto, stop. What are you talking about?"
"I'm a distraction, remember? That's what you kept telling me whenever I said anything when we were studying." Makoto mumbles, keeping his eyes firmly locked on the hand Byakuya has over his own. He doesn't know what he'll see in Byakuya's eyes if he looks up and there's still too much residual humiliation twisting in his gut for him to find out. "It always made me really upset at first, but that's because I didn't know..." The words trail off and rest of the sentence hangs in the air, remaining unsaid: I didn't know how much you were actually struggling. He finally chances a glance up as a means of an apology, hoping that whatever emotion it is that he'll see in Byakuya's eyes, it won't hurt too much.
"What? I..." The quirk of Byakuya's brow implies a confused denial - something along the lines of, 'I never said that' - but then the slow shift of his gaze downward followed by the way his eyebrows knit together speak more toward a realization - '...did I?' Makoto supposes that maybe Byakuya didn't remember; it would make sense, given that he just admitted to the fact that his memory wasn't the strongest. However, he recovers quickly with a cough and brings his line of sight back up to Makoto's face almost instantly. "I...didn't realize it upset you so much. Perhaps I should've re-evaluated my wording, I'm sorry."
If he'd known that Byakuya was going to be that quick to apologize about it, he would've brought it up earlier. Maybe then, he wouldn't have been so pushy about the medication and they could've avoided this whole issue. "...Why are you apologizing? I'm the one that screwed up. I overreacted and took things too personally; I should've just let it go when you told me to the first time."
A familiar darkness comes over Byakuya's eyes and Makoto identifies it as the same look from before, that same look of guilt. His boyfriend takes one of his hands - which have since stopped shaking, thankfully - and threads their fingers together. "No, you..." He pauses and takes a quick breath, then says, "You weren't wrong. When you said that I didn't trust you, that is. If I had, the bottle wouldn't have been in that drawer to begin with. It usually sits on top of my nightstand, but every time you've come over, I've put it away because...I didn't want you to ask questions."
Oh. Well, that information sinks like a stone in his stomach, but at least Makoto doesn't feel as angry about it anymore, not now that he knows what he knows. It's sort of understandable, he thinks. "It's not exactly like I had the best reaction. I'm...really sorry about that, again."
A cross between a scoff and a laugh escapes Byakuya's lips as he rubs his thumb across Makoto's own in a slow pattern. "My God, you apologize too much. Your reaction should've been expected. For as long as I've been hiding it, it's only natural that your first thought would be, 'No, that can't be right.' And if I truly don't want people to know about it, then I should take your immediate response as a sign that I'm doing something right."
He had a suspicion that it was true and really, he could've inferred it from his boyfriend's behavior, but all the same, hearing the direct confirmation that yes, Byakuya had been deliberately hiding the truth, had been hiding his disorder from everyone, sets off an uneasy feeling inside Makoto's chest. "Why? Hide it, I mean. Do you think people are gonna, I dunno, make fun of you or something?" Maybe he's just being optimistic - after all, it's kind of his thing - but the very concept of someone teasing Byakuya Togami over something small like a difference in how his brain works seems ridiculous.
The look on Byakuya's face, however, says that he doesn't share the thought. He doesn't even answer the question directly, instead replying, "Yours wasn't the worst reaction to the information I've gotten, you know. Far from it." Makoto isn't sure what to say. It takes a second for the full implication of what Byakuya's saying to set in, and when it does, he isn't sure if he should probe any further. He's curious, sure, but he's probably done enough prying today and the way Byakuya says it, it sounds kind of personal; Byakuya's never been too keen on sharing personal details when he feels it's not necessary. That's why Makoto is surprised when he willingly continues, "Let's just say that the fact that I was the youngest was not the only reason my siblings thought I was doomed to fail."
Oh, geez, Makoto had been so focused on Byakuya's current situation that he hadn't even begun to consider what it must have been like before Byakuya had been officially given the title of "heir to the Togami corporation". Not only would he not have the feeling of victory to fall back on in moments of frustration, but also...he was just a little kid at the time. "What, so they...bullied you?"
"Bullied," Byakuya repeats the word back with a roll of his eyes like it had just been a bad joke, but no, Makoto was very much serious in his concern and the fact that Byakuya's so quick to scoff at it doesn't sit right with him. "If you're implying that they tormented me like we were a group of schoolchildren on the playground, then no. They simply made their opinions on where I stood among them very clear."
"But they didn't do it nicely." Makoto doesn't need the confirmation. He already knows; he can tell from the way Byakuya's been phrasing everything so far.
Even still, he gets his confirmation anyway with Byakuya's answer. "They told me that I was no threat to them. That a child had absolutely no hope of ever running the company, let alone a stupid child, but the fact that I was still trying was cute."
If that wasn't bullying, then Makoto was scared to find out what Byakuya did consider schoolkid tormenting. "Stupid? They called you stupid?" No, they were the stupid ones, Makoto finds himself thinking childishly. Byakuya had said he was diagnosed when he was only six, which meant all of this had to have happened roughly ten years ago, give or take a little bit, but still, the fact that it had happened at all made Makoto so...angry. He'd told Byakuya before that he just didn't understand how Togami family relations functioned, and now, he's kinda glad he doesn't. He can't imagine what it would've been like growing up and having a relationship like that with Komaru. "Why is everyone in your family so mean?"
The childishness of his thoughts must have ended up seeping into his tone a little, because despite the fact that his question had been genuine, it still draws a chuckle from Byakuya. And while he's a little upset at being laughed at, it does make him feel better that at least it's put Byakuya in a slightly better mood. "I'm sure I've told you before, haven't I? Members of the Togami family are bred and raised to compete and in our competition, there's no room for being polite." Byakuya answers, being too busy staring at their interlocking fingers to look Makoto in the eye. "That would be the reason why we're all so mean, as you put it."
"Hey, you're not...as bad as you used to be." Makoto mumbles. Part of him wants to say that Byakuya has officially reached the point of no longer being mean, but...part of him also doesn't want to be in denial. Byakuya's definitely risen above the level of the rest of his family on the niceness scale - or, at least above his father, as that's the only frame of reference Makoto has to compare him to - but he's also definitely not exactly a saint. "You've gotten a lot better than you were when I first met you."
"And I suppose you would be the one to blame for that." Byakuya's finally looked up now and Makoto's relieved to see he's smiling. It's small and subtle, because Byakuya's never been the type of person for excessive expressions and big grins, but it's at least an undeniable sign of contentment. "You've turned me soft."
Byakuya might not be the type for big grins, but Makoto certainly is, and so he can't help the smile that spreads across his face because now his heart feels ten times lighter then it did five minutes ago. "That's okay; I like soft." But then his gaze happens to shift to the side and he's reminded of the algebra book that's still laying forgotten on Byakuya's desk, and the corners of his mouth fall by a few degrees. "Oh, I'm really sorry this whole...thing that I started dragged you away from doing your homework. I guess I really am a distraction, huh?"
He doesn't say the word as bitterly as he did earlier, but even still, Makoto can't deny this is on him. He really did screw up this time.
But even if that's true, Byakuya doesn't seem to think so. "Honestly, what did I just tell you about apologizing? The matter has been dealt with; there's no need for any more, 'I'm sorry's, understand? And if I'm honest..." Byakuya shifts his weight slightly and Makoto suddenly can't help but notice that their faces are really close right now. "There are worse things to be distracted by in this world."
That subtle, coy smile is still playing on Byakuya's lips and Makoto can definitely tell because he can't stop staring at them. He notes that wow, he feels really warm right now and man, his heart is beating really fast. There's gotta be only a few inches between them, Makoto figures. It wouldn't be that hard to close the distance. So he tries to, leaning forward just slightly...
Except then Byakuya pulls back just out of Makoto's reach and he has to steady himself so he doesn't end up falling off the bed and flat onto his face. By the time he's regained some of his balance, Byakuya's already standing back upright and looking down on him. Makoto can't be completely sure, but the look in his boyfriend's eyes makes him feel like he's being taunted. He can't even form an actual question and all that comes from his mouth is a sort of inquisitive, disappointed whine.
"Ah, ah. I believe I made myself very clear the first time we did this." Byakuya replies, looking far too pleased for someone who just refused a kiss from his boyfriend. "We save that for after we're done studying."