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Namjoon didn’t think that this is how tonight would end up: him in the backseat of his car parked in some random and quiet parking lot just outside of town in the middle of the night with Jimin, who is currently lying on top of him and kissing him languidly and slow.
He had just taken Jimin out on a date to the movies, some rom-com film that Jimin had been dying to see but Namjoon couldn’t pay any attention to it with the way Jimin held his hand the whole time, his smaller chubby fingers laced with his much longer ones but nonetheless seemed to fit so perfectly. And Jimin’s laugh, how he would use his whole body to express it, leaning over in his seat and using his free hand to cover his mouth during the funny parts, his eyes turning into crescents with how much he smiled.
Right as Namjoon was about to take Jimin home, the younger told him that he didn’t want to leave yet. So Namjoon drove around aimlessly until he found the deserted parking lot of some old auto repair store. They sat and talked for a while, the radio playing faintly in the background as they got lost in conversation until Namjoon couldn’t wait any longer and leaned in to kiss Jimin. Eventually, the two laughed as they awkwardly crawled into the backseat of Namjoon’s car and now Namjoon can feel Jimin’s body against him, his plump lips as they glide against his own and the thumping of Jimin’s heart against his chest.
It’s almost embarrassing to admit how long he has had a crush on Jimin.
They have went to school with each other since they were kids. Jimin loved everybody, everybody loved Jimin. He didn’t know a stranger and was friends with everyone. Namjoon, on the other hand, was the quiet one, the one who never spoke but always made good grades on his tests. So while Jimin would roam around the playground during recess to play with everyone or just simply sit there to do his school work, Namjoon would sit to the side and silently admire how outgoing Jimin was and how his smile could easily brighten up an entire room.
It wasn’t until years later that Namjoon realized that what he was feeling was more than just simple adoration.
Jimin came in that first day of highschool looking completely different than what he did the last day before summer break. He had dyed his hair from the dark brown Namjoon was so familiar with to a sandy blonde and gone was the cute and chubby roundness of his face, replaced with a sharp defined jawline and slim figure. To say Namjoon was awestruck would be an understatement, if the erratic thumping of his heart when Jimin came up and asked about his summer was any indication.
Namjoon could barely keep his composure from there on out, stuttering his words and fiddling with his hands every time he was around Jimin. But other than that, Jimin was the same as he remembered with his bright smile, cute cheeks, and loving personality.
Unfortunately, Namjoon was also the same. Shy and still admiring from afar.
They were friends and talked occasionally. It was impossible not to going to school with each other for so long in a small town. They had a similar group of friends and Namjoon would sit with Jimin and the others at lunch or talk in between classes but never had many conversations by themselves. Namjoon couldn’t bring himself to push it further than that in fear of scaring Jimin away and losing his friendship with him entirely.
What made it worse was that everyone knew about Namjoon’s crush on Jimin. Everyone except Jimin.
Seokjin frequently picked on him about it, always telling him he needed to just man up and ask him out already . Yoongi would actually give him solid encouragement, telling him that everything would fall into place and it would happen when it was meant to. Hoseok would just roll his eyes every time he saw Namjoon unknowingly stare at Jimin as they ate lunch. Eventually, they all grew tired of Namjoon’s secret pining.
The night they all went to Yoongi’s homecoming basketball game, Namjoon went to get food and Hoseok brought it upon himself to tell Jimin of the years of Namjoon’s pathetic crush while he was gone. When he got back, Jimin would hardly look at him and he could have swore he did something wrong. It was all he could think about the rest of the time.
Namjoon still doesn’t know why, but apparently Jimin had liked Namjoon, too. When the game was over and everyone else had been long gone, Namjoon and Jimin stayed and talked for what felt like hours. Jimin kissed him right outside of the school gym that night and that was that. They’ve been together for three months.
Namjoon’s heart aches with the feelings he has for Jimin. He doesn’t think Jimin really understands how much Namjoon cares from him. Jimin just understands him, even in the moments when Namjoon doesn’t understand himself. The comfort that the younger provides is unprecedented and a simple touch leaves Namjoon’s skin aflame.
It’s scary, allowing those emotions to take over. Namjoon knows what he feels can be labeled as love. Jimin deserves to be loved in all of the right ways. Namjoon isn’t sure if he is capable of giving it, but he wants to try.
Namjoon places his hands on Jimin’s waist, the weight of the younger so warm and comforting against his body. He doesn’t care about the limited room of the backseat. In fact he appreciates it, for it just allows him to be closer to Jimin.
The late fall air is chill in the darkness of the night, but Jimin is warm. The younger had complained about being cold earlier, even in the movie theatre with his oversized sweater on that covered his hands, but those complaints have long since faded. The only thing Namjoon can think about is the warmth that radiates from Jimin’s soft skin and how perfectly the other’s lips slot against his own.
Namjoon would have never thought he would actually get to be with Jimin like this, for his feelings to be somewhat reciprocated after years of seeing himself as just a shadow lurking in the corner. He never thought someone like Jimin, lively and sweet with a heart that he constantly wears on his sleeve, would actually like him back.
Their lips continue to move against each other slowly, deep but not enough to turn heated. Namjoon can feel Jimin’s breath against his face as their tongues do a slow dance of exploration. It’s comforting and Namjoon nearly forgets they’re in the backseat of his car with the way he gets lost in Jimin’s embrace.
He knows this is love.
He doesn’t want to say it too soon, doesn’t want to scare Jimin away. But Namjoon’s chest swells with this emotion, has never felt this before, and he has to let it out.
It’s now or never. I’m going to tell him. I have to tell him.
“I love you.”
Namjoon barely pulls their lips apart to speak the words, the skin still brushing as he does so. It comes out just above a whisper. He probably couldn’t say it any louder. Namjoon’s eyes are closed, the comfort with Jimin contrasting to the nervous knot tightening in his stomach. But there’s no doubt how he feels.
Jimin pulls his head back slightly, the touch of his lips disappearing. “What?” he asks.
Namjoon shoots his eyes open, that knot tightening even more to the point of nausea.
Fuck.
When he looks at Jimin, he has a look of confusion on his face, but he doesn’t turn away. Namjoon’s greatest weakness has always been feeling too much too quickly. He thought he was good with his words, smart enough to understand whatever situation is at hand. He thought it was the right time. But he’s fucked up.
But Namjoon loves Jimin. He’s so sure.
For whatever reason, even with the constriction in his gut and the look on Jimin’s face, Namjoon brings himself to say it again.
“I-I said I love you,” he stutters. He barely gets it out this time.
Jimin’s eyes widen suddenly, the confusion turning to an expression of shock. His lips part for a moment before he whispers a faint “Oh.”
Everything is quiet. The warmth that was previously comforting suddenly feels too hot.
What do I do? Fuck, he doesn’t love me back, does he? I just ruined everything. I-
All of a sudden Jimin starts to laugh, the sound booming throughout the silence of the car. His eyes form into crescents in the same way Namjoon has adored for years.
“I’m so sorry, Namjoon. I-I didn’t hear you.”
Namjoon isn’t sure if that’s supposed to make him feel better or worse, but before he can say anything more, Jimin takes his hand and places it against Namjoon’s face, pulling him in for another soft kiss.
“I love you, too” Jimin whispers against his lips.
Namjoon pulls back at this. His face must be the epitome of shocked because Jimin laughs again, burying his face into Namjoon’s neck out of embarrassment. He can feel the warm puffs of breath against his skin.
“This wasn’t how I expected it to happen,” Jimin says, the words muffled but Namjoon can feel his smile. “I’m such an idiot.”
“Maybe it would’ve went a lot smoother if you could actually hear,” Namjoon tries to joke back even though he still feels on edge. “I thought I was going to have a heart attack just now.”
Jimin lifts his head back up to face Namjoon. “You mumbled! Plus I was too caught up in kissing you.” Namjoon can see the tint of pink on his cheeks even in the limited light.
“Sorry… I was nervous,” Namjoon mutters. Despite the anxiousness that still resides in his chest, Namjoon finds himself laughing, too.
“Don’t be nervous, Joonie.” Jimin takes both of his hands and cradles Namjoon’s face. Their noses brush together with the faintest touch. “Because I love you.”
When Jimin brings their lips together once again, all of the nervousness Namjoon previously felt immediately dissipates. It flows out of him, instead replaced with complete warmth and adoration as he holds Jimin even closer. Namjoon licks at the younger’s bottom lip and Jimin hums as he lets him in just like he has before.
Only this time it’s different.
This time, it’s love. Love without a doubt.
Namjoon loses track of time, isn’t sure how long they lay on the firm cushion of his backseat just kissing and getting lost in one another when Jimin eventually pulls away. His blonde hair lies messily over his forehead and Namjoon can’t help but lace his fingers through them to push it back. Jimin giggles, the blush still evident on his cheeks. He sits up slightly which allows Namjoon to scoot back and lean against the door. The windows are fogged from their warmth breaths contrasting to the cool autumn air outside.
Jimin takes his finger and stars to draw on the glass. When Namjoon turns his head to look, he sees two big hearts next to each other right in the middle of the window. In the middle of the left one resides the letter N and the other one has a J. Jimin smiles, seemingly pleased with his work before leaning his body against Namjoon, his cheek against Namjoon’s chest.
“There,” Jimin says. “Now you have a reminder.”
Namjoon chuckles, leaning down and kissing Jimin on the forehead. “Hopefully it won’t fade away.”
Namjoon means more than just the simple drawing on the fogged back window of his car. Jimin seems to understand (just like he always does) because he lifts up and meets Namjoon’s gaze, flashing him a smile that is just as bright and warm as the sun itself.
“Don’t worry,” Jimin mummers as he leans in, their noses brushing against each other. “It won’t.”