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Bittersweet was the best way to describe what they had. The bitterness had to hit before the sweetness, even if the bitter aftertaste came back later. At first glance or first taste, biting into a plum seems like the worst possible idea ever. It’s bitter, sour, and rather tasteless in the long run, but once you got to the juicy insides... everything oozed with a sugary sweetness. Though, after all of it was gone and you get to the middle, there’s a bitter aftertaste that lingers for minutes at a time before you decide to bite into another one.
Moments between them were like biting into a plum, and god they were addicted to it.
The First Bite
It was absolutely infuriating. Hyunjin hadn’t seen Chan in months , and he didn’t even get to greet him at the airport, much less hug, kiss, and touch him until they couldn’t think straight. Instead, he had to sit there in his fancy apartment, solemnly drink his red wine in his warm, fuzzy pajamas while he watched reruns of golden girls. God, was he really complaining about a dream night for him? Because of a fucking guy? Yes, yes he was because Hyunjin needed Chan and Chan wasn’t there. Hyunjin was a brat, he’d admit that any day of the week, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t grateful for what he had. He got to do what he loved, he got to stay inside and write stories about characters in faraway lands with lives far less boring than his own, and he was successful. Hyunjin practically dripped money, but he earned that shit and there was absolutely no way he wasn’t going to flaunt it a bit.
In retrospect, Hwang Hyunjin was a beauty with a pure heart and an equally as pure smile and talent, and that really wasn’t that far off, but he was still human and he still had his flaws. Like being needy and a brat all the same. He was selfish and greedy at times, envious of others with more success, and didn’t always follow the diet his modeling manager gave him. Hyunjin was human and that was perfectly okay. Chan told him so, and that’s why he loved him so much it made his chest hurt. Though, he’d never admit that out loud to Chan, because he’s pretty sure the elder rock band singer thinks this is nothing but casual. Sure, it hurt that maybe Hyunjin was nothing more than a friend with a warm mouth to Chan but he’d rather have this than nothing at all.
With a huff and an angry slam of a wine glass hitting the tabletops, Hyunjin got up from the couch and escaped out onto the balcony so he could stare out into the city blanketed by the dark of the night but the light of the moon. There weren’t any stars in sight though, and Hyunjin wondered if it was because Chan had taken them all and put them in his eyes when he crossed the South Korean border. It was unlikely and rather romanticized, but Hyunjin couldn’t care less. He was an author, he was allowed to be flowery at times. Hyunjin chuckled darkly at himself at the thought of all this, he really did need to get over Chan. He really, really did. So, right there, just on the balcony of his extremely nice apartment with a black and plum color scheme, Hyunjin talked to himself.
Well… more like argued with himself like an insane man but who doesn’t mentally prepare for arguments? He already knew exactly what he was going to say; he was going to tell Chan he wanted to stop whatever Chan and he had and that if Chan tried to argue with it he was going to confess. It was a risky plan, but Hyunjin thought Chan should at least know the reason why he was cutting him off. If Hyunjin was lucky, Chan might not even show up at all and just let Hyunjin move on on his own. It would definitely be easier in the long run. So, if Hyunjin caught himself praying to the god above he didn’t even believe in for Chan to not show up, that was his own business.
But obviously, fate was against him because when Hyunjin went back inside and watched another episode of golden girls, quiet knocks came at the door and Hyunjin began to puff out his chest with pride so he could tell Chan to his face that he was ready to end this. “Listen, Chan, I’m not sure this is going to work anymore and -” Hyunjin’s voice faded out into nothing, his sentence he started at the start of his walk from the couch to the door and every thought that was in his head flew out the window when the black, sleek slab of wood swung open revealing Bang Chan. The sight of him sucked the breath out of Hyunjin’s lungs. He’s seen Chan in muscle tees many times, even when he’s working out and his biceps are at their biggest, but he still never got used to the hoodie muscle tank combination, the ripped pants, and the lace-up boots. It’d be a bit more bearable if Chan didn’t have lip piercings and an eyebrow piercing.
“Hey, tulip,” Chan murmured out, voice warm and as soft as the expensive pajamas Hyunjin was wearing. Hyunjin’s breath hitched again, his body reacting before his mind and with a sudden jolt Chan was being dragged in by the collar and the door slammed behind him. His warm laugh rang out, only softening when Hyunjin proceeded to pull him into an equally as aggressive bear hug. “Did you miss me?” Chan hushed into Hyunjin’s shoulder, and the younger had to resist shoving him. What kind of question was that? Of course , he did. Hyunjin wasn’t allowed to talk to him or see him for five months, wasn’t even allowed to meet him at the airport because of the press, and had to hide every feeling in his chest from the elder because he was terrified of possibly ruining everything they have.
Yeah. Hyunjin was pretty fucking bitter, but god did he miss Chan.
Everything Sweet In-Between
“What kind of question is that?” Hyunjin pouted, burying his face into Chan’s neck as he tried his best to ignore the very obvious flower tattoo creeping out of the collar of Chan’s shirt and trailing up his neck. Chan laughed so sweetly Hyunjin was sure he was going to have a sugar high and gripped his hood so tight he was scared his fingertips would go raw. Though he wished he was more discrete, it was pretty obvious Chan noticed the sudden desperate cling Hyunjin had to him but he didn’t make any movement appearing as if he were backing away from Hyunjin. In fact, he pressed his body further up against Hyunjin, legs staggered between the younger’s and his arms slithering around Hyunjin’s torso in a way that provided Hyunjin more security and warmth. They just… stood there for a while and held each other, but Hyunjin quickly realized that Chan must be exhausted. “Shit, sorry, you must be exhausted. Go sit.”
Chan didn’t argue, only waltzing over to the couch and loosening his laces so he could slip his boots off. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come earlier. I was in meetings all day,” Chan spoke up from where he was sat on the couch, leaning back into the soft cushion and just letting his exhausted muscles relax for a moment. Hyunjin made a noise of disbelief from his place in the kitchen.
“They had you in meetings all day? The day you came back from a world tour?” Hyunjin inquired in worry as he lowered himself down on the couch gracefully beside Chan, legs folded underneath him as he handed Chan a glass of bourbon that he kept around just for Chan because, frankly, Hyunjin hated bourbon. Chan sighed and nodded, not saying anything for a moment before, and after he took a gulp of the liquid in the crystal glass now rested on his chest. Chan’s eyes fluttered closed, aching a bit from the movement but finally sighing in relief now that they could rest. Hyunjin felt like cooing at the sight, resisting the urge to swoop down and plant two kisses on the elder’s eyelids.
“It’s apart of the job, dandelion,” Chan’s voice had a slight whistle to it, sharp but breathy. It was hard to explain but it showed just how exhausted he was. Chan finished the glass of bourbon without opening his eyes again and blindly placing it somewhere on the table but flinched to attention when he heard it nearly fall back onto the glass surface because he placed it on the edge of one of Hyunjin’s many, many books he had scattered about. Hyunjin couldn’t help but giggle at that, nearly choking on his wine when Chan stumbled up for a moment. Chan’s shoulders slumped once he realized his embarrassment and he fell back into the couch with a huff and in a much sloppier position than he had been in before. Hyunjin reached up to curl his slim fingers in Chan’s hair to soothingly rub it back and if Hyunjin didn’t know any better, he’d say Chan was very much purring like a cat.
“They work you too hard, hyung,” Hyunjin pouted, but all Chan could do was laugh a bit.
“It’s okay, sunflower. They’re giving us a few weeks to rest. Those meetings were just final ones until we all dispersed for a bit,” Chan reassured, peering open a singular, makeup covered eye so he could study Hyunjin for a moment. Chan loved seeing Hyunjin in general, he loved seeing him all fancy in his makeup and clothes that made him look like a walking diamond, but he also loved it when Hyunjin was so soft and vulnerable looking with a headband in his hair to keep it out of his face and not an ounce of makeup in sight. Hyunjin truly was beautiful and Chan was absolutely smitten. “I think Felix was going to go down to Busan for some reason… I think he’s got a pretty little thing down there, but you didn’t hear it from me,” Chan made a shushing movement by pressing his fingers to his lips in a way that made Hyunjin giggle beautifully, “Changbin said he was going to lock himself in his apartment and catch up on sleep, and Jisung is going back home tomorrow. Said he’s ‘having a self-reflection month’” Chan couldn’t help but laugh at that. If anything, that just meant Jisung was going to sleep in all day and maybe hike a trail if he felt like leaving.
“And what are you going to do?” Hyunjin asked out of nothing but curiosity. If anything, Hyunjin was just making sure Chan wasn’t overworking himself. Chan hummed to himself, his warm palm slipping onto Hyunjin’s thigh and the younger placing his pretty hand on top of Chan’s tattooed one.
“I’ll probably catch up on sleep, splurge on food for a bit…” Chan trailed off for a moment, a smirk rising on his lips as he moved his hand away so it was holding Hyunjin’s fingers before bringing his knuckles to his lips and kissing them sweetly, “Spend time with my favorite person at the moment.” Hyunjin snorted loudly, slipping his hand out from Chan’s and pressing it flat against Chan’s face to shove him away before getting up to get rid of their now empty glasses. “So, my favorite person, do you have ice cream?” Chan called out, trying to be a bit louder since Hyunjin was washing the glasses.
“You sure do ask a lot of dumb questions, hyung,” Hyunjin snickered once he turned off the water, drying his hands on the towel and moving towards the freezer to pull it open. “Cookie dough or Cookies and cream?” Hyunjin called out, weighing the two in his hand.
“Both. I’m feeling daring.” Hyunjin couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that but grabbed two spoons from the drawer and waltzed back over. Chan’s eyes were shut again and Hyunjin couldn’t hold himself back anymore and leaned over the back of the couch to place two second-lingering kisses with his plush lips to Chan’s sore eyelids and Chan practically melted at the intimacy. “That felt good, lily,” Chan rasped and Hyunjin hummed in false innocence as he slipped his arms around Chan’s neck from behind and hovered his face over Chan’s. “You should do it again,” and Hyunjin did, his heart fluttering as he leaned down to kiss Chan’s eyelids again, and if he got a bit braver and kissed gentle lines along Chan’s cheekbones than Chan surely didn’t complain by any means.
But the intimacy was cranked down just a small bit in terms of physical affection and Hyunjin dropped the cold tubs onto Chan’s lap only for him to yelp and jolt up. Hyunjin broke out into laughter as he rounded the couch to sit down in his original spot, but with his legs now crossed and one of the tubs in his lap. “Do you want something more comfortable to lounge around in?” Hyunjin asked in mild concern that Chan was uncomfortable, but the elder just seemed to squirm in his seat. “What? Stop being weird, just tell me,” Hyunjin groaned when Chan made another face that clearly showed he was somewhat embarrassed or uncomfortable.
“I just kind of want to take off my pants and steal one of your shirts,” Chan mumbled out, and Hyunjin… Hyunjin just kind of stared at him in disbelief. That was what he was so embarrassed to tell him? Jesus Christ .
“Hyung, it’s just me. You know I don’t care,” Hyunjin laughed quietly, patting Chan’s thighs before the elder hopped up and off of the couch. “Don’t take forever, the ice cream will melt,” Chan must be used to changing at lightning speed because he was in and out in two minutes tops with three fluffy blankets in his arms. Soon, they were pressed shoulder to shoulder underneath an onslaught of warm blankets while eating out of their own separate ice cream tubs. “Get. Your. Dirty. Infected. Spoon. Out. Of. My. Tub.” Hyunjin threatened with absolute venom dripping from his voice when Chan shifted his spoon to grab some from the cookie dough one in Hyunjin’s lap. Chan made a noise of despair.
“But I want to try them together!” Sometimes, Hyunjin forgets how big of a man-child Chan was at times.
“Here,” and then Chan was choking on a large spoonful of cookie dough ice cream and scowling at Hyunjin like he had committed the crimes of all crimes. “If you want to infect this tub of ice cream, you have to earn it -” Hyunjin was cut off by his own yelp, Chan’s cold hands landing on the back of his neck once he set down the tub of ice cream and guided him down so their lips were connected. Hyunjin felt like all the breath had been knocked out of his lungs at the feeling of Chan’s lips on his own after so long. Chan was a frighteningly good kisser and knew just how to make their big ass, puffy lips line up in a way that was entirely addicting. Hyunjin didn’t care that his tub of ice cream dropped to the floor and was beginning to melt on the dark wood and potentially create a very sticky spot that would last for weeks. There was no way he could with Chan lowering him down onto the couch and pinning him at his hips as he practically sucked Hyunjin’s very soul out of his body through his lips alone.
Despite how rushed and sudden the kiss had started, it was undeniably soft and slow after. It was like a rejoining of soulmates, sweet, sincere, and overwhelming to an extent. So overwhelming that Hyunji felt like he was going to burst into tears at the familiar feeling of Chan’s lips because he hadn’t realized how much he had missed him. In fact, he was crying, and didn’t notice until the salty liquid actually slipped between their lips and Chan’s thumbs were wiping them away softly, “Why are you crying, orchid?” Chan hushed in worry after he pulled away a moment, giving each other a perfect view of their spit coated, swollen lips. Hyunjin just furiously shook his head as ugly sobs escaped his throat and he shoved Chan away so he could escape out from underneath him. Hyunjin wasn’t sure if he could handle any more of this without talking about what it meant, but Hyunjin wasn’t sure if he could handle talking about it either.
Chan followed him all the way to the bathroom for the door to only be slammed in his face, but Chan didn’t give up. He simply waited outside the door, forehead, and gently curled fist resting against the door. “Hyunjin, please talk to me, what did I do wrong? How can I fix it?” Hyunjin only seemed to cry harder at that, and Chan began to panic more intensely.
“It’s not you, Chan! It’s me! It’s me and my dumb fucking feelings for you!” It was all blubbered out so it took Chan a second to realize what Hyunjin had said but once he did, he let out a long sigh.
“Hyunjin, open the door…” Chan urged, a bit more desperate and definitely a bit more exhausted. The door creaked open just a tiny bit, only revealing one of Hyunjin’s very watery eyes and equally as watery cheeks. Chan pushed against the door, not hard enough to shove Hyunjin back but hard enough to let Hyunjin know that there wasn’t a way Chan wasn’t coming in. They didn’t say anything for a moment, just Chan grabbing a few tissues from the shelf of the large bathroom before pressing them gently against the younger males squishy cheeks while Hyunjin just sniffled grossly. “Go get in bed, okay? I’m going to clean up,” Chan nudged him towards the bedroom before he went in the opposite direction to put the ice cream back in the freezer, clean up the melted parts that dripped onto the floor, turned off the tv, all the lights, and grabbed for the blankets on the couch for them to sleep under later.
Hyunjin was curled up under a thin sheet, stripped down to his boxers and trembling slightly. Chan shuffled over and sat on the edge of the bed on Hyunjin’s side. The male didn’t even look at him, only staring out the large windows along the wall that overlooked the entire city. It was beautiful, but Chan knew he was only looking to avoid his gaze. “Look at me, lavender,” Chan coaxed with soft words and an equally as soft palm to his cheek that worked rather successfully. Hyunjin’s burning eyes met Chan’s and the elder hummed in adoration. He loved Hyunjin, he really did, and he wished he had the guts to tell him a lot sooner, “You’re feelings are not dumb, you know that right?” Chan hushed, watching Hyunjin shift away from his hand so he could sit up. Hyunjin sniffled once as he stared down at his shaky, fiddling fingers in his lap.
“I just… I don’t know when it happened. I think it was around the time you left for your Japan tour that week. That week was awful for me, but the five-month tour ruined me,” Hyunjin admitted with a rocky voice, “A-And I know I shouldn’t be so attached to you because you probably see this as nothing but a casual arrangement… but… fuck… Chan, I love you ,” Hyunjin’s voice was far more stable by the time he got to that last part, but his heart was racing at 60 miles per hour and Hyunjin was just waiting for Chan to leave with a slam of a door and Hyunjin’s heart shatter into a million, tiny little pieces. But it never came.
“Who's to say I don’t love you too?” Hyunjin’s head snapped up at Chan’s soft confession, mouth agape in shock, and all Chan could do was laugh. “I should have told you a long time ago, but I just didn’t have the balls to do it… I figured you could do a lot better than me so I never said anything,” Hyunjin hated how casually Chan said that, but suffered finding the right words. “Let’s not… Let’s not talk about this right now, okay? I’m exhausted and I think you are too,” Chan stammered and Hyunjin couldn’t argue with that. He really, really just wanted to sleep. So, he nodded and Chan reached out a fully covered tattooed arm and curled his hand around the back of Hyunjin’s lower head and pressed a warm, lingering kiss to Hyunjin’s forehead. “Lay down.”
And then Chan was off of the side of the bed and grabbing the blankets to layer over the whole of the bed, and rolling his eyes when Hyunjin already curled the blankets up so he was hogging a good portion of them. With a slide of his shirt over his head, Chan climbed into bed alongside Hyunjin, “Come here, blanket hog,” Chan snickered, twining an arm around Hyunjin’s bare torso and pulling him close so the blankets were warm and soft across Chan’s cold, bony, and wing covered shoulders. Hyunjin immediately melted into Chan’s chest and the elder found himself peppering his lips along the younger’s shoulders before mouthing kisses into the back of Hyunjin’s neck. Chan always wondered what Hyunjin would look like with tattoos, some beautiful minimalist ones, but Chan found that he quite liked how smooth and clean Hyunjin’s skin looked. Though, he’d never complain if his lover decided to actually get tattoos.
“Hyung, that tickles.”
“Would you rather me add a bit more pressure?”
“Go the fuck to sleep, hyung.”
The… not so bitter aftertaste?
When Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered open that morning, he was expecting Chan to be beside him so he could have some early morning cuddles, but instead, the punk rock band member was nowhere in sight and all that was left was a lukewarm spot in his bed. Hyunjin huffed in slight irritation, grabbing for the first blanket and curling it around his body as he walked out into the open apartment. Chan was nowhere to be seen in the lounge, but the sizzle of Greece was a telltale sign of him being in the kitchen so Hyunjin just slipped onto one of the island barstools and pressed his warm, puffy cheek against the cold, black marble countertop. Chan knew he was there, as Hyunjin was quite loud in the morning when he walked, but the two said nothing to each other because sometimes the quiet of a late morning just had to be appreciated.
Surprisingly, Hyunjin had fallen asleep on the counter and only woke up when a plate of food and a cup of coffee was set down in front of his face. Chan began to run his fingers through Hyunjin’s soft hair and pressed a kiss to his cheeks. “You need to eat, Blossom,” Chan urged, massaging at Hyunjin’s shoulders a bit before moving away to grab his own plate of food. Though, Hyunjin didn’t sit up until Chan was sat down beside him with a free shoulder for the younger to support himself on and the two began to eat slowly and lazily as Chan rested a singular palm on Hyunjin’s blanket-covered thigh. This was so domestic but so familiar, and suddenly everything made sense. Chan did this for him every time he came over and yet Hyunjin still believed that Chan thought it was nothing but casual.
“You’re lack of energy this morning is concerning.”
“I’m an author. I’m not used to you coming over and me actually getting more than five hours of sleep,” Hyunjin grumbled around a mouthful of coffee.
“Ah, but you love it when I keep you up all night. You can’t get enough of me,” Chan smirked, nosing at the hair on top of Hyunjin’s head.
“That’s my own business, Bang Chan.”
And then it was quiet again.
“You know I wasn’t kidding about spending time with you on my break. Especially now that you know how I feel about you,” Chan hushed suddenly, not feeling Hyunjin freeze up or anything of the sort. Good, so everything had settled in already.
“I know. You know where my spare key is. My apartment is always open to you as long as you don’t distract me from my deadlines.”
“Now I can’t promise that, Flower…”
Yeah . Yeah, maybe it wasn’t bittersweet like a plum anymore. Maybe it was sweet like a perfect, red strawberry.
[Moodboardi]