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It’s almost cruel how she keeps me around.
Addressing me with pet names the moment before, treating me like a pawn the moment later.
Telling me I’m special the moment before, going to her husband the moment later.
Why is he even her husband, anyway? I never see them actually spending time together, just few moments scattered around the days. Sitting next to each other during Brotherhood get-togethers, exchanging looks across the room, talking for few minutes, sometimes a quick kiss… and Astrid always makes sure that I’m watching.
Sometimes I wonder why don’t I just walk away, marry a nice lady and get over it.
But no, it isn’t that simple, not anymore. She has me wrapped around her finger. I don’t know if I can define it “love”… It started off as a deep fascination, a strong interest towards this self-made, tough female leader. Then the feeling changed, pulling me in deeper and deeper. A strange combination of “want” and “hope”, powerful enough to trap me. The desire of something like “love”, perhaps.
Well, whatever it is…
“Spacing out again, Ilse? Focus.”
I snap out of my thoughts and look at the woman in front of me. Astrid went into commanding mode again and is now explaining me the new contract.
“So… it’s done. You’ve killed the Gourmet. And now Titus Mede II is as good as dead.”
Right, the Emperor. When I first spoke to Amaund Motierre in that crypt I thought that he was a mad man, just like Cicero. I didn’t care at all about the Night Mother’s will – I still don’t. Astrid brought me here when I didn’t even have a home and I only recognize her as the leader of this family, not some corpse.
However, I didn’t realize that we were actually going to do it. Even less that I was the one going to do it.
“Go now to Castel Dour in Solitude. Present the Gourmet’s Writ of Passage to the officer in charge, Commander Maro. I’m sure you remember him. You’ll gain unrestricted access to the kitchens, and then the Emperor. You’re posing as a chef, so you’ll be able to poison his meal rather easily.”
My eyes widen at the sudden realization.
It’s my Emperor. I’ve fought for him, killed for him, so that the civil war in Skyrim could finally be put to its end with the death of Ulfric… And now I’ll have to take him out as well, like any other contract I get assigned to.
It was foolish of me to think I could’ve been loyal to anything other than the Dark Brotherhood in the first place. Once you get in here, every single person on the other side of that door is nothing but a possible contract.
I straighten up on my feet.
What a story is mine. An Imperial who manages to have the soul of a dragon and the body of a shapeshifter, stuck in a country she doesn’t belong to, who decides to wander around and work as a mercenary to survive, gets caught in a civil war, sides with the Empire and ends up in the Dark Brotherhood where she’s eventually told to kill the Emperor himself.
There are already bards singing of the Dragonborn. I hope that any word about my dirty deeds doesn’t spread, or else I can already hear my father rolling in his grave. Oh, if he only knew…
“Which poison should I use?” I ask straight to the point, feigning composure but avoiding to look at her in the eye.
Astrid arches a brow, possibly studying my expression; but she gives up a moment later and instead hands me a small bag.
“Here, take this – it’s called Jarrin Root. All it takes is one taste, and the effects are quite immediate. The Emperor will be serving Sithis before he even knows he’s dead. Once Mede has been killed, escape through the upper door, and across the bridge. I’ve arranged for it to be unguarded once the alarm is sounded. It took all the favors, bribes, and blackmails I could muster, but your exit is secured. The Dark Brotherhood will be back on top… All thanks to you”
Astrid sounds so proud. She seems to have done so much to make sure I get out of there safe and sound. I can’t let her down, can I?
And yet I can’t shake that look off my face.
Noticing my strange silence and my gaze avoidance she comes closer and reaches for my hand. The sudden contact sets me off, prompting a small gasp to escape my mouth and my eyes to look up at hers.
“Can you do that for me, my dear?” she insists, voice as sweet as honey, and as soon as I can realize her face is dangerously close to mine.
I swallow down and move my head in a small nod, every hint of composure thrown out of the window. She’s a head taller than me, her body womanly and menacing wrapped in her shrouded armor, almost intimidating this up close; not that much physically wise – I know that I could fight her off pretty easily – but her aura is really powerful. I can see how she gathered so many different people in her “family”.
“What’s with that beaten puppy look, Ilse? Come here…” Her gentle voice reaches me again as Astrid presses her body against mine, forcing me to step back until I’m cornered against the wall.
She cups my face, caressing my lips with her thumb, looking down at me in a way similar to how she usually looks at me when we’re alone… but amplified. Hungry. She’s never been so explicit before.
I don’t even move, my arms stay down at my sides. She chuckles and leans in.
Is it happening?
Astrid presses her lips against mine and my body freezes in place. I don’t immediately reciprocate, still tense from the astonishment; but when I feel her tongue sliding into my mouth and her arms wrapping around my waist I finally kiss back, my head tilted to deepen the contact and my body relaxing under her touch. My hands move on their own accord, caressing down her back, her waist, her hips where they seem to indulge. What started off as an almost chaste kiss is now the exact opposite.
The distant voices of our brothers and sisters, gathered in the cave, ring in my ears like a muffled echo. I wonder what our almighty Brynjolf would think if he saw his wife right now…
I chase her mouth every time she tries to break off and take a breath, and she moans in appreciation. I feel heat, both around and inside of me. Desire is building up quickly, especially when Astrid presses her warm chest against mine, or when she grabs my ass and makes me wrap one leg up around her hips.
This can only end in one way.
…Or maybe not.
Astrid interrupts the contact between our mouths with a wet sound and straightens her back; and when I try to dive in again, she stops me by putting a finger on my lips and lets out an amused chuckle.
“You’re a lot to handle… aren’t you?” She’s playing confident, but she hasn’t even caught her breath yet. I can’t help but grin with pride, knowing that I’m responsible for that.
“Enough for now… my dear.” She steps back, leaving me enough room to walk away. “We will continue this when you’ll be back from your contract.”
The wolf inside of me growls. If it were up to him, he would make me pin Astrid back against the wall, rip her clothes off and finish what we’ve started right now. But she’s so proud of me, and she’s arranged everything so that I could do well, and it won’t take long anyway.
For sure we will see each other soon.
“Then I should get moving” I say, waving goodbye as I pick up my weapons and move towards the steps that will bring me to the front door.
Then outside, to the job that will take our Brotherhood back on top.