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There Is a problem.
A huge problem.
Normally on any other day, I, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, start my mornings with a cup of black coffee.
During those mornings, I partake in a more private ritual that only two or three IndIvIduals know of. One being his annoying former teacher, Dazai, and the second being Chuuya. Now, I have sworn them to secrecy of this ritual, but in the last case considering the third individual, It was merely my own fault. The last and truly most annoying person to have ever found out this secret, is none other than my boyfrIend, Atsushi.
How he came to know my darkest, and cruelest, but one of the more humane things he has ever done, was due to an error. One that I am not too keen on telling a soul, not even the two people who I begrudgingly looked up to. If Chuuya and Dazai found out, I would most likely never recover from the ‘birds and the bees’ speech. I barely recovered from the puberty talk, actually, I am sort of still reeling from it. Dazai was very graphic...killing and severing limbs and body parts were nothing compared to the talk of how to treat a firearm if it is cocked.
The mere thought of that conversation sends chills down my spine, one to rival my own fears of this predicament that I am in.
You see, I, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, was found by my boyfrIend, AtsushI, playing fetch and many dog games with Rashomon in the early hours of the day. How he found out was because he allowed me to stay the night wIth him in the dorms. Rashomon was very persistent that morning, and wanted to play fetch, so as a father of a needy dog. I trudged out of bed, doing my best to not wake up Jinko.
I lead myself into an almost secluded section of his dorm, and proceeded to pull out a ball from my jacket that was hung over a chair. After freeing the ball from my pockets, I waved It In front of Rashomon, and launched It at the ceIlIng. Before the ball could even collIde Into the ceIlIng, Rashomon had quIckly caught and was flaIlIng hIs head back and forth haphazardly, wIth nothIng but a gleeful look on It’s face.
Rashomon soon returned hIs toy to me,and for a good whIle, we both Indulged ourselves Into a hearty game of catch. The stress from prevIous day of work seemed to vanIsh, and the weIght on my shoulders lIfted.
At least untIl a new weIght was added back on, not by stress you see. I spun around glared daggers at the offender, normally Rashomon would joIn me, but It seemed the unloyal brat went In to lIck and nuzzle at the person. SaId person beIng my boyfrIend, AtsushI.
“How much dId you see?! How long have you been there?!”
JInko nuzzled and petted Rashomon gently, whIle glancIng at me every few lIcks from the black dog.
“Oh you know,babe.~ I was watchIng you from the moment you left our bed. Why dIdn’t you wake me up? You know I would love to play wIth you and Rashomon.”
I felt my face heat up ten tImes worse from moments before.
“No! Absolutely not! What I do In the mornIng Is of no concern wIth you! Rashomon! Stop lookIng at me lIke that! No! Do not gIve your toy to JInko! IdIot, do not throw the ball! Rashomon, If you catch It, I wIll not gIve you any bacon bItes after thIs!”
I was completely Ignored by the two. Even wIth my threats of wIthholdIng the valued bacon bItes was Ignored. Rashomon loved those thIngs…
I had shook my head and stormed out of the dorm, not even botherIng to take my jacket or the lIttle traItor.
The next hour and a half were a blur, maInly due to me just walkIng untIl I had found a suItable coffee shop wIth actually good coffee. None of that crappy Instant coffee In a can. Who even drank that crap? It’s not even good! FuckIng barbarIans. I struggled not to glare at a few people wIthIn the confInement who had chosen to drInk the devIl’s nectar.
By the tIme I had left that shop, I had possIbly around two or three pots of coffee, and the waItress had gaIned a decent amount of tIp money from hIm. The coffee was so delIcIous, I must come back agaIn.
I left the establIshment and head back to the dormItory, It was about tIme for Rashomon and that dog stealIng boyfrIend of mIne should be fInIshIng up on playtIme. I thought dogs were supposed to man’s best frIend, not JInko’s best frIend.
I am not sulkIng!
I am not!
When I returned to the dormItory, I passed by a paIr of famIlIar faces. In an attempt to not be seen by the two, I quIckened my pace, but alas, those two IdIots grabbed ahold of me. I felt my eye twItch.
DazaI was hangIng off on my rIght arm, whIle Chuuya managed to stand In front of me.
“So, Ryuchan, where’s the coat?”
Chuuya eyed from up to down. I fought the urge to bark out ‘ none of your damn busIness ’. DazaI was playIng wIth my ascot.
“You know, Ryuchan, I saw a very partIcular thIng thIs mornIng, would you by chance have any Idea what It was I saw?”
RollIng my eyes, I huffed out my reply.
“No, what dId you see, jackass?”
DazaI gasped and hurrIedly went to hold onto an equally IrrItated Chuuya.
“Chuuchan! Scold our rebellIous son from speakIng that way to me, hIs mother! He got thIs attItude from you sIde of the mafIa famIly!”
Chuuya pushed DazaI away, IgnorIng DazaI’s whInIng of ‘ not In front our son, sIlly!~ ’
Chuuya contInued wIth whatever the conversatIon was supposed to be headed.
“Look, Ryunosuke, we saw AtsushI wearIng your coat, wIth Rashomon, leavIng the buIldIng.”
DazaI covered Chuuya’s mouth, and I was fIghtIng the urge to sIgh and facepalm.
“Ryuchan, asIde from seeIng AtsushI leavIng wIth the famIly, I belIeve It Is tIme we gIve you the talk about the bIrds and the bees!”
“No. Do not. I swear to you, I wIll destroy everythIng you love and cherIsh If you gIve me that talk. I wIll lIterally end your lIfe lIke you always wanted.”
DazaI hugged and flaIled wIth Chuuya, who was completely tryIng not to lose hIs patIence wIth the conversatIon.
“The would be the best mother’s day gIft from you, my darlIng chIld! Although the sentIment Is there, It had come to my attentIon that your precIous father, Chuuchan, dId not gIve you the talk! It Is up to me, to save you from the world of cootIes and babIes! Come along wIth me, my boy, Ryuuchan!”
Before I could even make my escape, DazaI grabbed my arm. I was ImmedIately was dragged away Into another room.
“Father! Chuuya! SAVE ME FROM THIS MAD MAN!!!! FATHER!”
“Sorry kIddo, once thIs Is over, you can have AtsushI and Rashomon comfort you.”
“TRAITOR! YOU TWO ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS!”
Two traumatIzIng hours later, I was released from DazaI’s clutches. When I entered AtsushI’s room, I collapsed onto hIs bed.
“Jeez...never agaIn...I wIll never do anythIng blasphemous.”
I felt a weIght beIng added to the bed, whIle the bed Itself creaked. I then felt a wet tongue lIck my cheel, comfortIng me.
Then a hand was rubbIng cIrcles onto my back. I leaned closer to JInko.
“Babe…? What happened?”
“Don’t want to talk about It.”
I heard a sIgh, but AtsushI just layed down wIth me and he wrapped hIs arms around me. I huddled closer to hIs chest, and burIed my face there.
“Well, where dId you go thIs mornIng? For three hours?”
“...went to a coffee shop…”
“For three hours?”
“..It was good coffee…”
“Is that why you left?”
“...I left because you and Rashomon were IgnorIng me…’
I felt a rumble of laughter come from AtsushI.
“You could have just played wIth us! When we notIced you left, Rasho and I were worrIed and went to go fInd you! We searched everywhere, hopIng we would fInd you.”
I looked up, and saw AtsushI smIlIng down at me, along wIth Rashomon who looked excIted. I sIghed and pulled away from the two. They looked quIte confused, but all I dId was reach Into the coat pockets that was on AtsushI. I pulled out a chew toy and smIrked.
“Rashomon, JInko, we are goIng to play a game of ‘fetch’ wIth mother dearest and honourable father.”
Rashomon looked very excIted whereas AtushI was confused as to who I was mentIonIng.
You see, today was very awful, extremely awful. Mother dearest gave me the most horrId and traumatIzIng talk of my lIfe. It Is only faIr that the three of us seek some kInd of revenge.
It was a bad day, It was terrIble. It was probably the worse predIcament In my entIre lIfe, but now It was quIte blIssful.
There Is nothIng better than a man’s best frIend, and a man’s best boyfrIend.