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An orange-hued light was coming through the patio doors, so gentle that his eyes didn’t need to adjust to it. Tsukishima left the door slightly ajar behind him. Should Akaashi wake up, he would be by his side in just seconds, ready to comfort him again.
He sat on the floor of the hallway, knees drawn up and palms pressed against the cool surface beneath him. He could feel the pleasant warmth of the desert dawn, giving him a bit of relief as he settled his shoulders and head against the wall. Try as he might to stop the flood of questions Bokuto’s words generated, his mind was throbbing with worry.
He heard a twinkling bell, a long shadow soon advanced toward him. He sighed, not knowing if he should be happy or sad. A pair of golden, slitted eyes looked at him and blinked a couple of times.
Wasn’t it ironic that his mind wandered to when he accepted his lover’s proposal? Tsukishima snorted. He stretched his legs and reached out to scratch under his new guest’s chin, who immediately purred. “Come on,” he sat it down on his lap then started to pet its black fur. The cat offered his belly and closed his eyes. “Brave like a panther in battle, but a scaredy cat when it comes to serious talking, uh?”
Golden tendrils enveloped the pet and Tsukishima’s fingers now carded through dark-ink bed hair.
“Do we need to talk?” Kuroo asked, panic marring his features. His mind must have been as tired as Tsukishima’s one. “You could easily guess what I think.” Seeing that he elicited no answer, he kept speaking from Tsukishima’s lap. “I think Bokuto is the dumbest and most stubborn person we’ve ever met. He crushed Akaashi’s heart in the stupidest way and I’m so...” Kuroo covered his face with both his hands, dragging them down when he spoke again “... so angry at him that it’s a good thing he flew away.”
They fell silent for a bit. Far noises of the house starting its day were a comforting soundtrack. Some birds on a rare, nearby tree engaged in a singing contest, their soft melody louder than anything else. Tsukishima’s thighs were becoming a bit numb. Not a chance his mind would become equally deprived of sensation and find a bit of peace. His soul, indeed, was a battlefield. Whatever he could choose to do, someone would suffer. If he kept dating Kuroo, Bokuto’s best friend, he would constantly remind Akaashi of his lost lover. But would it be any better if he broke up with Kuroo in order to let any traces of Bokuto disappear from Akaashi’s life?
He only wanted to curl up somewhere and cry. “Tetsurou, I can’t do this to Akaashi.”
Kuroo sat up but Tsukishima slumped down his head. A warm hand stroked his hair, “You think Akaashi would be happier seeing the both of us heartbroken?” Kuroo sounded almost disappointed by Tsukishima’s way of reasoning.
“Of course not,” he moved away from Kuroo’s touch. “But it would be a constant stab to his heart if we kept seeing each other. Bokuto brought you here, Bokuto played matchmaker for us-”
“Bokuto will be back soon when what triggered his absurd panic is stone dead,” Kuroo said with finality. “I know it will take time for Akaashi to forgive him, but they are meant to be together,” he muttered, “just as you and me.” Tsukishima’s lap was again occupied by Kuroo’s head, who took a strange interest at the ceiling and started to frown at it.
Tsukishima felt all the more shattered, sensing how much Kuroo believed in their own love and was sorry for him as well. Tsukishima had indeed talked with Bokuto, and he was sure Kuroo had too because he witnessed them arguing the last night. But Kuroo evidently didn’t want to accept his friend’s decision.
When Tsukishima met Bokuto for the first time, they were kids. Bokuto was smaller than average young owls and so insecure that he quite never shapeshifted into a human and just kept staring at Akaashi. He followed the young prince everywhere, at a distance, thinking he was not noticed. It wasn’t impossible not to grow fond of the shy owlet who became Akaashi’s not so secret admirer. Besides, they owed it to his constant night patrolling near Akaashi’s chambers and to his courage that back then Akaashi survived. He already loved him to the point he disregarded his own life in order to save him.
Tsukishima shook his head, “He will not come back. He knows he will put Akaashi in grave danger if he stays by his side.” Tsukishima shivered at the memory of Bokuto’s words.
“Grave danger?” Kuroo asked incredulously, “I thought you wouldn’t care about superficial diplomatic shit, Kei..”
Tsukishima closed his eyes. “He didn’t tell you...”
“Of course he did tell me. But, Kei, you can’t possibly think that the Ritos would break their alliance with your realm only because Bokuto, their champion, could one day have a lovers’ quarrel with your prince Akaashi, whom Bokuto just chose as his betrothed, to boot.” Kuroo nervously waved his hands as he talked. “Bokuto panicked because he is overprotective of Akaashi and couldn’t stand the thought of any diplomatic issues stemmed from their eventual breakup. This is insane, only Bokuto could come up with this sort of thoughts. Why would you think so negatively right from the start? Why would they ever break up, they’re two peas in-”
It was hard to interrupt Kuroo’s rant. “No, Tetsurou, he really didn’t tell you anything.”
“Tell me what?” Worried by the recurrent statement, Kuroo brought his hand to Tskukishima’s face. Kuroo’s thumb stroked his cheek, and it immediately tingled in a pleasant way. In a too familiar, soothing way. Kuroo the cat wasn’t going to make it easy for him. He considered to back away again, however, his greedy side made him lean into it.
Tsukishima glanced to the side and whispered, “He foresaw it, he dreamt it, Tetsurou, he dreamt him…” Finally, he cried, thankful he had long learnt to do it silently. Even if Kuroo promptly hugged and cradled him, he didn’t want to acknowledge the fact tears were streaming down his face, that his nose became stuffy and his head heavy, as though only sobbing could reveal he was a crying mess.
Kuroo tightened his hold, Tsukishima could feel his hot cheeks against his shoulder. “Kei, please, please, tell me what he dreamt.” But from the way Tsukishima hiccupped, Kuroo must have understood and didn’t ask anymore.
When he was sure he could talk, Tsukishima spoke again with a thin voice. “I can’t encourage him to ignore what he foresaw.”
“I know,” Kuroo murmured. He was probably trying to accept the idea that the four of them would never again be together in the same room, that their mutual friendship was in tatters. And the worst part was that they shouldn’t try to piece together its shards.
But Tsukishima had to steel his resolve, “I can’t go happily around with you by my side. ”
Kuroo exhaled a long breath. “We will give Akaashi time to heal.” He kissed his neck and left his lips there, his breath fanning over Tsukishima’s skin. “I’ll wait for you.”
Tsukishima opened his eyes. No one was around. Akaashi had ordered not to disturb him the whole day. No sound came from the room to his right nor the daylight reached its interior through the door Tsukishima left open just a crack. He entwined one hand with Kuroo’s long fingers and with the other he coaxed Kuroo out of his hiding place. “Kei,” Kuroo pleaded.
As if it was a forbidden gesture, at first their lips met softly. After some minutes, though, they became hungrier, spiralling down the pit of their love, driven by passion and desperation.
A gust of southern wind swiped the floor and brought inside some dry leaves. At their rustling, Tskukishima gently pushed on Kuroo’s arms to break the kiss. Dust floated in the air, heavy with a bit of sand, a perfect, warm-toned background for the man in front of him. Kuroo’s hair was messier than ever as if matching his internal struggle, his smile loop-sided yet unsure, his eyes watery and his nose red as a cherry, how could Tsukishima shatter the heart of a guy near to his breaking point?
He avoided his gaze once more and with trembling hands he removed the bracelet Kuroo gifted him as a seal of his love, “Take care of it for me.”
Kuroo sagged on himself and grabbed Tsukishima’s wrists. He begged, openly crying, “no, Kei, please, no...”
“I can’t ask you to wait for me, Kuroo.” He inhaled deeply as he sensed Kuroo stiffen and heard him make a strangled sound. He quickly added, “but I can let the choice to you at one condition.”
Had it been any other circumstance, it would have been hilarious the way Kuroo sniffled and craned his neck. He looked at Tsukishima full of hope and eagerly nodded, not daring to speak.
“You still have to be our Sheika ambassador but you will not visit us for at least one year.” He gulped down the lump which was strangling his throat. “I-I will be in charge of receiving your updates through letters until… Gods! I can’t tell you when we can properly be together again… Akaashi has loved Bokuto since we were kids, you know?”
Kuroo cackled. Tsukishima couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Kuroo doubled in laughter, even heaved for breath. “You,” he tried to recompose himself, “you scared me to death, Kei!”
Annoyed by the strange reaction he caused, Tsukishima swatted Kuroo’s head more than once.
Kuroo grasped his forearms and kissed the back of his left hand before pulling him into his lap. Tsukishima was straddling Kuroo’s thighs, facing him. If Akaashi witnessed them right now, their public display of affection would crush him. So much for trying to protect him. Tsukishima felt incredibly uncomfortable at that mere thought and wiggled in Kuroo’s hold, who in any case didn’t loosen his grip on him.
“I thought you were set to get rid of me for good,” he said, now calm, almost sad. “But I will always love you, I would have in any case.” Looking him in the eyes, he muttered, “I believe you’re too smart to misunderstand the meaning of ‘forever’.”
“Idiot, don’t remind this kind of promise while we are breaking up!” But it was clear that no heat animated Tskushima’s words.
“We’re not!” Kuroo protested.
“We are!” Tsukishima rebutted.
While he squeezed Tsukishima more fiercely than before, Kuroo saw Akaashi standing by the slightly ajar door, a hand clasping it for purchase. The light was enough to let him see Akaashi mouthing the words “Love him, please.” Only when Kuroo gave him a nod, Akaashi retreated into his room.