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His favorite breakfast of sweet toast smothered in berry jam with eggs and bacon. A trip to the bookstore for a new fantasy novel to lose himself in. A rare visit to a sweet shop to get his favorite apricot and cream pastry followed by exploring the fields held just outside of Wall Sina. An evening meal of roasted meat and vegetables while they read his newest book together. His father always gave him a small gift in the end – a new pair of shoes, a watch that belonged to his grandfather or an old artifact from the time before the walls. Erwin never knew where he got such things, but his father was a collector of sorts. He always seemed to have something hidden away to someday share with his son.
His birthday was always a special day in the house. Despite his birthday also being the anniversary of his mother’s death, Erwin never felt any malice from his father. He was kind and doting, always asking of Erwin’s opinion as they planned the day. It made Erwin feel valued and important.
It was one of the few days that he was allowed to stay up well past his bedtime, reading larger and more complicated books as the years ticked by. He always dozed off to the low rumbling of his father’s voice against his back. In the morning, he found himself in his bed, warm under the thick pile of blankets as the smells of breakfast wafted through the home. He was happy.
…
His first birthday after his father passed was almost exactly one month after that day. His emotions were still very raw when he woke up to a bland and meager breakfast of watery porridge. He tried not to cry at the sight, but he failed miserably as he broke into hiccupping sobs at the table. The cook did not take kindly to the disruption. He did not fight when they dragged him by the collar and threw him into the closet to spend the remainder of his birthday.
As his stomach twisted in hunger, Erwin could not help but to think of his father. He thought of his previous birthdays and how wonderful they had been. Now, the memories were tainted. Erwin deserved none of those birthdays. Not for what he had done to his own father. How he had betrayed his trust and lead him to his death. As he sat in the closet, cold, hungry, and aching from his coiled position, he could only think of how much he deserved to suffer.
The next day, when one of his bunkmates asked what had happened, Erwin told him that it was his birthday.
“Birthday? That’s all? You cried because it was your birthday?” The boy scoffed at him.
Erwin nodded despite his embarrassment.
“No one cares about those here. You’re not special.” The boy spat him before turning away to join the older boys in the yard.
Erwin stood in silence as he watched them run. It was harsh, but a valuable lesson. He was right. No one here cared. He would just have to accept it.
…
A package was pushed into his view, scooting over his bowl of stew. Erwin blinked at the wrapped item and looked up to see Mike sitting down opposite of him. Erwin raised an eyebrow at him in question.
“I saw your file. Today is your birthday so…Happy Birthday.” Mike shrugged at him in attempt to be indifferent about the gift.
“Mike,” Erwin breathed. “You didn’t have to do this.”
Mike waved him off. “It’s nothing special. Open it up.”
Erwin carefully untied the yarn that held to together and opened the paper. In it sat a couple of pairs of good socks. Nothing fancy indeed, but very much needed. Erwin had worn through multiple pairs of socks during his second year of training and all of his had holes in the toes.
Erwin stared at the gift in front of him. This was the first birthday gift he had received since his father had passed. He swallowed hard and blinked rapidly to hold the heat back.
“Erwin?”
“It’s wonderful. Thank you, Mike. It is very appreciated.”
Mike gave a small smile and tucked into his tray. “Wish you would have told me when your birthday was. I would have gotten you a proper gift.”
Erwin shook his head. “No. This is plenty.” He wrapped the gift back into the paper and rested his head on his hand gazing at his friend, a small smile on his face.
…
Despite Erwin’s impassive and sometimes hard exterior, his peers always seemed keen on celebrating his birthday. After he left training, he figured it was more of an excuse to go out drinking since his birthday occurred during a drought of observed holidays. At first, he joined them enthusiastically. As he grew in rank, his birthday seemed less of a celebration and more of wasted time he could spend increasing the odds of his friends’ survival. After several years, the original group stopped inviting him to his own party. It suited him just fine.
Once he became a squad leader, his efforts to ignore his special day was moot. Mike was the culprit he liked to blame for their sudden organization and effort to not give him an excuse to miss his own party. Documents were filed, and daily duties completed without him asking and with great haste. He squad was always one of the most efficient in the battalion but on this day, they were particularly quick. Like clockwork, Mike was standing in Erwin’s room right before dinner.
Mike rummaged through his closet and pulled out some casual pants and shirt, which he tossed right into Erwin’s face. “Get dressed. We’re going out tonight.”
Erwin was blessed that the clothing did not knock over the ink pot he was using to sign off on reports. “I am guessing I do not have a choice in the matter.”
“Nope.” Mike sat down on his bed, dressed in his own tan pants and green shirt. “It’s nothing fancy. No need to spend a lot of time getting ready. Just the us and the gang.”
Erwin neatly stacked the reports away and re-sealed the ink pot. The stack of reports were completed in record time with his squads help. Now, if they could do this everyday…
Erwin dressed down out of his uniform and into the clothes Mike picked for him: light tan pants and a blue button-down shirt. Mike knew him well.
They left the barracks together, Mike leading the way. “So…what do you have planned?”
“You’ll see.”
Mike led him off-base, toward the wall. Standing close to the gate, stood two Garrison soldiers with the wall lift. They waved at Mike and Erwin as they walked onto the lift. The progress up the wall was a slow one, but Erwin always enjoyed it. The top of the wall was Garrison territory and even the Survey Corps had to get special permission well in advance to access it. Mike must have been planning this for a while.
Erwin leaned on the edge of the lift, looking out over Shingashina as the torches illuminated homes and streets. Mike leaned with his elbows on the edge as well, comfortable silence between both. The lift creaked along until it made a loud clunk at the top. They maneuvered out of the lift with ease until turning east to walk along the wall.
In the distance, clustered on one of the small out croppings, sat a gaggle of Survey Corps soldiers. One pointed to the duo to alert the rest.
“There’s the birthday boy!”
The rest turned and stood up, clapping. Erwin couldn’t help but smile. It was his squad along with some of his other friends from the Corps. He was greeted with slaps on the back, hugs, and a bottle of ale was shoved into his hands. They sat back in a circle with several loves of bread, smoked meat, whiskey and ale passed along. Every time Erwin finished a bottle, a new one replaced it. When he realized what was happening, he nursed a single bottle and never allowed it to empty. Eventually, the rest were inebriated enough to stop noticing him.
Hours later, as the group grew rowdier, Erwin, Mike and Hange separated from the group. They leaned on a set of crates, a bottle shared amongst the three. Mike, less drunk due to his size, started to dig through a pack that Erwin did not notice before. He took two packages, handing one to Erwin and then opening the second. That package revealed five pieces of sweet honey cake which Mike held out to Erwin and Hange.
“Sorry, they didn’t have enough to share with everyone.”
Erwin bit into the cake and smiled. Sugar and honey were expensive even for such a simple dessert. Mike really broke the bank on this one. “Thank you. It’s delicious.”
Mike smiled and took a bite from one of the slices. Hange practically groaned as she ate hers.
“Open it,” Mike pointed at the first package.
Erwin opened the package to reveal two pairs of socks. He barked a laugh at the gift. It became a running joke between the two over the years, but the quality of the socks have gotten better. Erwin felt the fabric between his forefinger and thumb. Thick, wooly winter socks that will keep his feet warm through the weather. “These are great. Thank you, Mike.”
Hange very drunkenly shoved a haphazardly wrapped, untied package into his hands. “S’here. I got you sumthin.”
He had learned over the years, that presents from Hange should be opened with an abundance of caution. He inspected the package for leaks, weird smells or heat.
“Oh! Just open it! I won’t bite you!”
“You sure?” Mike asked as he finished his cake.
Erwin very cautiously opened the package to reveal something that made Mike snort some of the ale up his nose.
“Tweezers? Really?!”
Hange folded her fingers expect her forefinger and pinkie, pressing the ends to each of his eyebrows to smooth them down. “Yes.”
He swatted her hand away. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
“Yea, keep them tame before they rebel and try to strangle you in your sleep.”
He looked down at the tweezers. They were a nice quality and he did need to keep himself groomed. “I’ll take this as a hint. Than you, Hange.”
“Humph.” Hange grunted and slumped down to rest her full weight against his shoulder. Erwin leaned back against the crates while Mike pressed himself against the opposite side, less leaning, but keeping contact along the length of both of them. The fall air was colder on the wall so Erwin relished the extra body heat.
“Happy Birthday, Erwin,” Mike hummed.
Erwin nodded and watched the land beyond the walls. It was completely dark without the flickering lights of civilization ruining the landscape. The stars were especially bright this night and went on beyond the horizon. Erwin found himself thinking about the walls, the Corps, and his friends as his two companions started to snore on his shoulders.
The trio stayed in place until the sun rise and the Garrison shooed them back to the ground.
…
The next year, Erwin found himself laying in bed, his left leg throbbing, and his mind too restless to sleep. Yesterday, they had returned from an expedition and half of his squad was gone. No one was in the mood to celebrate, especially not Erwin. He completed his report with haste and made a bee line for this quarters. He barely bathed and changed out of his uniform before collapsing onto his bed. He did not seek medical treatment for his leg. It felt like he deserved to feel a little pain considering what his subordinates had sacrificed.
Several knocks came and went throughout the day. Mike. Hange. Ness. Commander Shadis. He ignored them all. He just couldn’t do it anymore.
October 14th came and went with no ceremony.
On the 15th, Mike got one of the corpsmen to pick the lock and allowed himself in. Erwin was too exhausted to move or fight. Mike did not say anything as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Erwin did not protest when Mike grabbed Erwin’s leg and pull the pants leg up above his injury.
“You should go to the san to get this looked at.”
Erwin made a move to pull his leg away and the dull ache flared when Mike refused to give it up.
“It may be broken, Erwin.”
Erwin knew that, but he did not care. He couldn’t go there. Not when everyone he cared about was dead or dying. It was his fault. He was responsible for them and now they are dead.
Mike sighed and stood back up. He left the room, but it was short lived. Moments later Hange was following him through the door. Hange sat down in Mike’s spot, gripping the leg surprisingly strong as she examined it. Erwin had to grit his teeth to keep from crying out.
Hange was angry at something because she was not treating Erwin’s injury very nicely. It was like she was trying to get a reaction out of him because he swore she pressed her thumb into his injury on purpose. He finally grunted and snatched the injured leg away.
He faintly heard the words ‘stubborn’ and ‘stupid’ under Hange’s breath. She gets up from the bed and strides to the door. It was none-too-pleasant when it slammed shut again.
Erwin rolled over to his side, wincing when he moved his leg into its new position. He rolled away from Mike and closer to the wall, willing Mike to get the message and leave. He bit his tongue when he felt Mike lay down in the now vacated space, pressing a loud exhale through his nose. They lay in silence and Mike made no move despite Erwin’s obvious tension.
Erwin flinched when a gentle hand was pressed in the space between his shoulder blades. Mike adjusted himself in the bed so he was facing Erwin’s back and held his hand in place. Erwin tensed momentarily before he felt the fatigue set in and his muscles slowly relaxed under the warmth. He released a sigh he did not know he was holding.
“Please…”
“You can’t do this, Erwin.”
He was too tired to argue. He buried his face into his arms. “Please…leave me alone.”
Mike shifted forward, his chest pressed to Erwin’s back. Erwin nearly choked. No. Don’t me kind to me.
One of Mike’s arms circled his waist while the other snaked under his head to pillow it. His forehead pressed into the whorl of hair on his head. “You can’t keep punishing yourself.”
Erwin moved a little to dislodge Mike from his back, but the arms wound tighter around his middle instead. Erwin’s years at the orphanage had made him weary of touch, but Mike wasn’t raised in an orphanage. He had several siblings that would pile into a single bed for warmth and comfort. So, when Mike feels the need to comfort someone, it was to physically hold them. It was something Erwin had to grow accustomed to over the years. Despite his stubbornness, he felt himself relaxing into the hold and lightly dozing until the door opened again.
Hange was back with medical supplies. She lightly tapped the heel of his foot and Erwin shifted to free it from the blanket. Mike allowed Erwin to flip onto his back as Hange worked the splints and bandages around the purple and swollen limb. Erwin was so caught up in his emotions that he had failed to notice that his leg did not look well at all.
“Tomorrow, you will go to the san to get treatment.” Hange’s tone left no room for argument so Erwin just nodded. “You have to take care of yourself. If we lose you, we lose everything.”
Her words made his chest clench painfully and he had to lay his head back to get a breath. He felt the prickling heat behind his eyes and he squeezed them shut. He rolled his lips between his teeth and inhaled deeply through his nose. Mike’s hand grasped his own and he flipped it so they would lace their fingers together.
Hange finished up his leg very quickly, a testimony to her years as a field medic. She propped his foot up under a couple of pillows before crawling into the bed to wedge herself between Erwin and the wall. Erwin lifted his arm to accommodate her. She pillowed her head on his shoulder, her arm finding its place around his waist. The fit in the bed was getting tight so Mike turned onto his side, his bicep pillowing Erwin’s head.
Sleeping on his back was not his most comfortable position, but with the warmth coming from his friend’s bodies, he found himself drifting not long after. He slept soundly through the night, more exhausted that he believed since he did not awaken when both of them left. It was already noon when he woke up, the room much warmer than the previous days. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and moved them to the nightstand, hoping to find some water. What he found made him smile.
Two pairs of socks. A plate with two slices of sweet honey cake. A very tiny eyebrow brush from Hange. And a small note.
Happy Birthday, Erwin.
…
Erwin had never seen Levi looked flustered until that morning and Mike handed him a wrapped package. Mike had taken to giving him gag socks that stayed well hidden behind his boots. This pair was a particularly colorful and gave Erwin a good laugh. Levi’s eyebrows narrowed at possibly the ugliest socks in existence and opened his mouth to say something when Hange barged into Erwin’s office. She landed a small package on his desk, almost hopping with excitement. Erwin untied the package to find a small jar.
“Eyebrow wax?” Levi asked incredulously. He looked right for a fight if Erwin hadn’t started to laugh.
“Where do you find these things, Hange?” Mike chuckled.
“A well groomed man has many needs, Mike. I’m always on the lookout for the latest and greatest.”
Erwin was all smiles and barely noticed that way that Levi was staring at him. “Thank you. Hange. I hope you have noticed that I have put your presents to good use over the years.”
“I have! And you look handsome as ever.” She licked her thumb and reached out to smooth down his brows, but he deflected her hand and backed away, chuckling.
“Levi, can you make us some of that flowery tea of yours?” Mike asked as he place a second package out. Erwin was already well versed in the tradition and Mike’s budget has grown. It was no longer slices, but the whole cake. Erwin would be lying if he did not admit that this was his favorite part.
“Flowery?”
“The little yellow flowers we find in he field. Camo? Champo?”
“Chamomile?”
Mike snaps his finger. “That’s the one.”
Levi gives Erwin a look to which he nods. He huffs once before leaving the office to retrieve everything they needed.
Levi comes back with a tray with four cups and saucers, a tea pot and his tea tin. He places the tray down to find that Mike had unwrapped the cake and cut it into portions. “Okay…what’s the occasion?”
Mike and Hange looked at Levi like he grew a second head before snapping their eyes at Erwin.
“You never told him?”
“He doesn’t know?” They asked at the same time.
Erwin shrugs weakly. “It never came up.”
“What never came up?”
Hange turned back to Levi. “It’s Erwin’s birthday!” She waves her hand out to the treats and weird presents in front of them. “We do this every year.”
Erwin watched Levi blanch as much as his pale complexion could handle. “Oh.” Levi shakes himself from his stupor and starts the tea service. Erwin watches him as he deftly prepares the beverage while Mike and Hange are chattering about the wax he was gifted.
The tea steeps according to Levi’s expert care and they are soon enjoying it with hefty slices of cake.
“Good choice, Mike. It goes prefect together.” Hange managed between bites.
Mike points to his nose since he has a mouthful of cake himself. The nose knows best.
Erwin could not help but agree. The cake was slightly sweet and crumbly, but it paired well with the tea flowery and slightly sweet taste. It definitely enhanced the experience.
Levi seemed lost in thought, but Erwin did notice his eyes widen when he got the first taste of the cake and tea together.
Soon the tea and cake were polished off and they continued with small talk until duty called. Despite Mike’s and Hange’s protest, Erwin did not see the need to take the day off just because it was his birthday. All three of the soldiers left to report to their positions, but Levi paused at the door.
“For what it’s worth, Happy Birthday, Erwin.”
Erwin gave him a soft smile. “Thank you, Levi.”
…
On Erwin’s next birthday, Levi gave him a ‘proper’ tea set. The teapot was cast iron and utilitarian, but the two cup and saucer sets were of a fine porcelain with blue birds painted in their surface. Levi gave him the set well before Hange ad Mike arrived so they enjoyed a cup together.
“You did not have to spend so much money on my gift.” Erwin mused as he blew across the bergamot tea.
Levi narrowed his eyes. “Who said I bought this for you? You planning to drink it by yourself?”
Erwin chuckled. “True. I am terrible with tea. I supposed you needed to get a proper set to make it so well.”
“I can make good tea with tin cans and a pot. This is just…nicer. You deserve some nice things.”
Erwin felt the warmth in his chest that had nothing to do with the tea.
…
For years, even after becoming commander and the others promoted into the ranks, the tradition continued. It was simple ad nice. Erwin appreciated it every year.
His birthday only got better when after three years in the corps, Levi finally kissed him at midnight. It was the best birthday present Erwin had ever gotten.
…
In the reclaimed walled city of Shingashina sits a monument. Pedestal is engraved with all of the names of the soldiers that sacrificed themselves to reclaim Wall Maria. On top of the pedestal, a statue of the commander that led them from the front lines. His horse is reared back, his arm aloft, sword in hand, his eyes focused on the land beyond the wall. It was commissioned by the Queen herself and dedicated with great celebration.
On October 14th, for years after the infamous battle, someone always left an offering on the pedestal at the feet of the commander’s steed. Two socks. A brush. Two slices of cake and a cup of tea. No one ever sees who places it, but they have their suspicions. They are confirmed when the offerings stop the year that the legendary Captain passes away. It was a little unsettling to find the pedestal empty for the first time since it was erected. Townfolks started to leave their own offerings in place of the Captain.
So, it became a tradition. On October 14th of every year, for luck, you sat an offering at the feet of the statue. Some offered coins. Others offered treats. But one theme always prevailed: two pairs of socks, a brush, honey cake, and a cup of tea.