Archive of Our Own ^beta

Kagome scrambled up the ladder, a dark scowl marring her face.  As usual, Inuyasha had put up his argument to her request to return to her family. And as usual, it ended with his face planted in the ground. After all the time their small group spent together, the half-demon should have known how her request to return to her family would play out. In a way, she suspected he did know and trust her. Although the annoyed part of her was loudly declaring that Inuyasha was too thick to understand anything, her rational mind knew that their arguments were more ritual-habitual than anything else. Still, he could at least be a little more polite about it!

Sunlight flooded into the darkened well house when Kagome slammed open the rough wooden door. Smiling, she took a leisurely stroll across the courtyard to her house, sighing with contentment. It's so nice to be back home. No demons waiting around every corner to ambush me. No jewel shards to hunt down. And Mama's home cooking instead of ramen! The last thought set her stomach rumbling and Kagome skipped the rest of the way up the steps, a happy smile on her face.

"Mama! Grandpa! Sōta! I'm home!" She put her hand to the door and gave it a firm push. It didn't budge. Kagome paused and looked down at the shrine door in frustration. "Hey!" she called out, more loudly this time. "I said I'm home! Open up! Why is the door locked anyway?" No answer came. Growing worried, Kagome set down her pack and looked up at the sky, shading her eyes. The sun was still high overhead, and she was sure it was a weekday. That meant that the shrine was supposed to be open, with her grandfather toddling around the back peddling his wares and her mother at home preparing lunch or dinner. It should have been anything but quiet and empty.

With a gnawing sense of fear curling in her stomach, Kagome made her way down the steps and around the back of the house. The Goshinboku was still there, standing tall and proud as the sacred tree had always done. The rest of the courtyard, however, was empty. A slight breeze passed through the area, stirring the leaves. Too quickly it died out and an oppressive stillness settled over the grounds. Three years of adventuring in the feudal era had long since trained Kagome to always assume the worst. Panicking, she rushed towards the entrance of the shrine, intent on contacting the police.

Her steps slowed as she saw the thick rope stretched across the gate, blocking her path to the street outside. A piece of paper attached to the string fluttered in the wind. Kagome grabbed the scrap, her eyebrows lifting as she read the neat script on the small, impromptu sign.

"Temporarily closed for the day, normal hours will resume tomorrow," she read out loud. Her brow wrinkled as she studied the date scribbled on the bottom of the sign. "It's a weekday, isn't it? Why would Mama and Grandpa pack up the shrine on a day like this?" Frustrated, Kagome blew her bangs out of her eyes and made her way back to the shrine steps. At least the raw panic had disappeared, and once again she had to smile to herself as she remembered that her troubles in the modern era were a far cry from the dangers that presented themselves during her feudal adventures. Settling comfortably on the steps, she leaned back on her elbows and studied the afternoon sky, her mind turning lazily.

What day is it anyway? Keeping track of the passing dates was something she had increasing difficulty doing; time in the feudal era was meted out in seasons, positions of the sun, and cycles of the moon rather than in months, weekdays and minutes. It was hot, and the silence inside of the shrine was broken by the sound of the occasional passing car or a chirping cricket. Early summer, probably the beginning of June, Kagome concluded. I guess school will be over soon. Not that I have much hope of graduating anyway, she thought wryly. I wonder what excuse Grandpa cooked up for me this time. I hope he didn't mention hemorrhoids again! Her angry blush faded as she considered her grandfather. Truth be told, she missed him despite all of his far-fetched excuses; she missed her entire family, even her arguments with Sōta.

Kagome felt a deep affection for Inuyasha and the rest of her friends in the feudal era, and she would never abandon her duty to restore the Shikon Jewel she'd shattered. Still, there was nothing that could ever really replace the feeling of coming home and being surrounded by her real family.

A disappointed sigh escaped Kagome's lips before she could prevent it; it would have been easy enough to return through the well and pass her time waiting with friends at Kaede's village. But another part of her didn't want to leave the steps; she wanted to be there when her family arrived home to greet them. It was the same part of her that was so childishly disappointed that she hadn't received the warm welcome she usually did when she appeared from the well.

The heat and sunlight lulled Kagome into a light slumber, and soon she was descending into the depths of a fleeting daydream. Flickering images and whispers of memory mingled together to form a strange world within her mind. Silver strands of hair and burning amber eyes gazed at her. Kagome raised her hands to her chest. Absently, she noticed the fluttering white sleeve of her traditional robe and voiced her instant reply to the shrine maiden outfit without conscious thought. "I'm not Kikyō."

"I know you're not!" Suddenly it wasn't Inuyasha who was gazing at her, but her overly-cheerful brother Sōta. Only Sōta had two furry white ears cropping out of his head which twitched and turned in her direction.

"Sōta!" Kagome shrieked, shocked. "Where did you get those ears? Put them back this instant!"

"No!" Sōta answered, his face falling into a sulk that she knew all too well. "If Inuyasha gets to keep you, then I get his ears!" He grabbed onto the little appendages tightly and turned his back on her.

"Sōta!" Kagome felt her annoyance growing. As she reached for him, however, the ground broke open underneath her feet and her stomach dropped out from under her. "But I'm not Kikyō!" she cried again as a lance of pain seared its way across her chest. Suddenly she was underwater, wracked by a heavy cloying pain in her lungs and yet somehow able to breathe.

This… this is when I saved her, Kagome remembered, wondering if she would see herself dive into the pool. The water rippled, and a darkened figure descended towards her. Kagome looked upwards, her eyes wide. "Help me!" When she opened her mouth, though, only bubbles and miasma poured out.

The figure came into view and Kagome did a double-take. It was her classmate Hōjō. He was reaching towards her, trying to hand her a bag filled with his latest home remedy. "Here, Kagome," he said, undisturbed by the water and miasma surrounding them. He pressed a pair of orthopedic shoes into her hands. "This should help with your illness."

"Help me!" she tried shouting again, batting away Hōjō's useless gift and clawing through the water towards him. Hōjō laughed and his face grew dark. Then it was no longer Hōjō holding her, but the demon Naraku. His smile was dark and foreboding.

"Help you?" His eyes narrowed. "Why should I help you? You refuse to help yourself." He laughed, and Kagome opened her mouth in protest. Again, the heaviness pulled her downwards, away from Naraku's arms and towards the depths of the dark pool. I'm going to drown! Panic overtook her.

Naraku's laughter reached her ears, dimmed and faint as he faded from view. His words were still comprehensible, though. "It's not water you drown yourself in!"

Kagome tried to scream and flailed through the darkness before her. But Naraku was right and it was no longer water she was floating through, but something thicker and much heavier. It weighed on her bones like iron chains. Even as she began to wake and the dream unraveled and dissipated, she instinctively recognized the darkness choking her. She didn't need Kikyō's whispered confirmation to know it was the truth.

"You are drowning in the past, Kagome."

"Kagome. Kagome!"

Kagome sat up with a gasp, her eyes wide and her chest heaving. "I'm not-! …Mama?" She blinked as her mother's concerned face came into focus.

"Kagome, dear! What were you thinking, falling asleep on the steps like that? You could be suffering from heatstroke right now!" Her mother pulled Kagome to her feet, clucking her tongue. "You should have warned us you'd be coming home today. Grandpa would have stayed behind to let you in," she chided as she helped Kagome up the steps.

Still unsettled from her daydream, Kagome rubbed her arms together and looked around the shrine as if to reassure herself that she really was in the present day. "Where were you guys? And where's Grandpa and Sōta?"

Smiling, her mother pushed open the door of the house. "Your grandfather is around the back, re-opening the shrine. Sōta decided to stay out with his friends for the rest of today. I think he earned it." Her voice softened. "I'm so proud of my little boy!"

Kagome snorted, feeling unreasonably jealous of the glow suffusing her mother's face. It wasn't that she actually minded the praise for Sōta, but it was her first trip back home in almost three months. She should have accepted her brother's moment in the spotlight with grace and maturity, she knew that. Still, a small part of her wished that her mother would lavish attention on her while she was there rather than speak about her little brother. That irritating hint of discontent made its way to the surface in the form of a snide remark.

"He earned it? What'd he do, win first prize at a national video game competition?" Even as she said it, Kagome felt a shamed blush rise over her face.

Her mother pinned her under a stern, disapproving gaze. "Kagome! Why on earth would you say something like that? I hope your friend Inuyasha isn't teaching you these bad habits. You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Kagome ducked and nodded, embarrassed by her mini meltdown. "Sorry mom. I guess I was just a little… jealous. I really missed you guys these past few weeks and I was upset that no one was home." She raised her head and quirked an eyebrow. "But what did Sōta do today that was so great anyway?"

"Oh honey." Her mother smiled and gave her a small squeeze. "I know you're under a lot of stress from your adventure in the well. But please try to remember not to take those feelings out on us. Today was a big day for Sōta. It was his graduation day!"

Kagome froze. "H-he graduated?" she repeated dumbly. "You mean he's moving on to Junior High already?" Seeing her mother's proud nod, Kagome lunged for the kitchen table and sat down heavily, her legs folding under her. "But… he was just a baby the last time I looked. How could he be graduating already?" And why didn't I realize it? Has so much time really passed?

Laughing lightly, Mrs. Higurashi failed to notice her daughter's sudden disorientation. "Well, it has been three months, dear. Sōta couldn't stay in the sixth grade forever, you know." In the ensuing silence her mother stilled and sat down, sensing Kagome's anxiety. "Oh Kagome… I'm sorry; I didn't know you would be so upset." She sighed and folded her hands into her lap.

For a moment, Kagome was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief. At least mom can still read me well enough to know when something's wrong. It was a small comfort; she always looked forward to her mother's words of encouragement. That comfort drained away into a feeling of more abject horror, however, as her mother misinterpreted her despondency.

"Don't feel so bad, honey. Even though you missed your own graduation, you don't have to worry. Your grandfather and I already enrolled you in summer courses at the local community college. With a little bit of luck and a lot of hard work, you'll still be able to take a high school equivalency exam by the end of the year."

"I-I-I missed my own graduation?" Kagome stuttered, the information slowly processing through her brain. I know I've been spending more time in the past than before, but there was that problem with Inuyasha's sword, and then that other jewel shard… and then I got hurt… It was just never the right time to go home! But I missed graduation? Unable to help herself, Kagome began to hyperventilate. "You mean I f-f-failed?" The thought that she could fail at anything had never occurred to her. As she looked up at her mother's tiny frown, though, she knew it was true.

"Oh honey… I wouldn't call it failing." Her mother began placating her, patting her back repeatedly. "You were just forced to stop attending due to extenuating circumstances."

Kagome made a small, strangled sound in the back of her throat. She suddenly had images of herself, much older, still wearing her high-school uniform and in the same class as her younger brother. It didn't seem so ridiculous anymore, however; junior high was only a few short years away from high school. "You mean I'm a high-school dropout?" she squeaked incredulously.

Mrs. Higurashi frowned at Kagome's outburst. "You're just pursuing an alternative education. You know both I and your grandfather love you very much. We'll help you earn your degree no matter how long it takes."

Suddenly Kagome had to resist the desire to leap over the table and shake her mom wildly. She could see her mother was trying to support and encourage her with understanding and a kind smile, but it was having the exact opposite effect. She didn't want her mom to smile and understand at that moment. What she wanted was for her mother to stand up and give her the good yelling that Kagome suddenly felt she deserved.

Why do you always have to accept my decisions and choices without question? Would it kill you to be strict with me for once, Mama? Why didn't you just yell at me and tell me I was grounded and that I had to go to school? Why couldn't you warn me I was failing? It was all useless anger, she knew. As much as Kagome wanted to place the blame on someone else, there were no excuses for her poor performance. She closed her eyes and let out a miserable little sigh. "What's done is done."

Mrs. Higurashi looked mildly disappointed, her shoulders dropping. "Well, if you really don't want to continue then I'll cancel those classes we signed you up for. I wish you'd reconsider, though…"

"NO!" Kagome yelled, leaping out of her seat and waving her arms wildly. "No, I'll go! I don't want to be known as a high school dropout for the rest of my life!" She grit her teeth. Well, technically, it already happened… No, don't think about that! Just tell me when the classes start and I'll go, I promise."

Her mother pushed up from the table, delighted. "That's wonderful, honey! We'll talk about the details at dinner tonight. Now why don't you go outside and help your grandfather tidy up the shrine while I prepare the food?" She smiled warmly.

"Sure… thanks mom." Kagome managed a weak grin, though she was still reeling from the intellectual sucker-punch to the gut. As she stepped out of the house onto the shrine grounds, she turned over her mother's revelation. Have I really gotten so caught up in the past that I've completely forgotten about my life here? It seemed true. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Eri, Yuka or Ayumi, her supposed best friends. In fact, she couldn't even remember the last time she'd seen Hōjō apart from in her dream. If she was honest with herself, Hōjō's ancestor from the feudal past seemed more real to her than his present-day incarnation.

"I really am drowning," Kagome muttered, chilled. I know I can't just abandon the jewel, but how could I forget my life here so completely? To not watch Sōta growing up, and to have lost all my friends and my entire high school education without even knowing it? As she walked, something changed and sharpened inside of Kagome, growing with each step she took. It was resolve, and by the time she identified the feeling for what it was, it no longer surprised her.

She rounded the corner and saw her grandfather wave at her from the small storehouse. "I'm not going to let that jewel ruin my life the way it did with Kikyō." Lifting her arm, she returned the wave. "I'll keep my promise to Kaede, I swear. But I won't let go of my life here anymore. I'm going to earn my diploma this year, no matter what it takes."

She took a deep breath, cleansing her mind and calming herself. I foresee a lot of 'sits' coming up when I tell Inuyasha about this. The thought was wearying, but Kagome was certain she was making the right decision. "I'm not Kikyō," she breathed. "I won't lose my life to that cursed jewel. I'm not her, and I'll prove it."