Work Text:
Dear Bellamy,
The thing is, you don't even know the impact that you had on me and how you really make me feel, but not what everybody else says you do, but the truth; the truth is, I miss you so much that I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've been loosing my mind because the thought of not having you around anymore is too much to take in. I've lost the most important people in my life that were a crucial part of myself and now that I've lost you too, makes me feel kind of lost.
I know that what I'm doing is not considered as a healthy way of life but the pain is unavoidable. Now, the part where I say I wish I had never met you, doesn't kind of fit in for me.
I honestly wouldn't have it any other way and I’m glad that people like you still exist; it makes me feel safe somehow. I told you this a few times but I don't actually think you thought I meant it,
well I do. I love you.
I don't mean I just love the idea of you or having you around, no; I love you because you’ll drive across town to this stupid teddy bear shop that your sister loves so much and you’d bring her a big one when she'll feel sad about the fight with her boyfriend; I love that you’ll go and collect your mum’s favorite flowers to fill in the vase her own mother gave to her when she was young.
I love the way your smile shines and makes the hole room brighter and warmer even after a hard day. I love that you’ll surprise Miller with his favorite coffee and donuts across the street just because you know you'll make his day lighter.
I love how passion explodes through you for the things you love and how you love and except yourself for who you are and you don't care what others expectations are because you already know the path you want to follow. I love how you flush when you get nervous and how your cheeks turn red when you're cold. I love the way your curls stand out after waking up and how you’ll bite your lip when you concentrate. I love the way you look at me makes me feel joy, love and makes me feel the happiest every single day you’re around. I just wish you knew that, I wish you knew you’re enough.
I wish I could love and take care of you like I've always wanted to but I can’t.
All I can do, is hope that the person who you love loves you back as much as I do or more.
You can't just be loved by everybody, right? At some point you have to let go.
-Clarke