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Arms wide open
I stand alone
I'm no hero and I'm not made of stone
Right or wrong
I can hardly tell
I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell
Five Finger Death Punch, “Wrong Side of Heaven”
He knew there was no going back from this.
Oh, he could solve the problem Moriarty had caused with his suicide on the roof. He knew just how, but really, once he made the call to John, once he fell from the roof, there was no going back. None of his relationships would ever be the same. His life would never be the same, and he would always have to live with the knowledge that no matter what he had done, no matter how hard he had tried, Moriarty had won after all.
But it had to be done. There was no other way; Moriarty had ensured that.
Sacrifice his life.
Save those who truly mattered.
He didn’t want to shatter John’s faith, or Lestrade’s, or Mrs. Hudson’s or anyone else’s.
He knew there would be one person who knew the truth, and she was key to the plan. She was the one Moriarty had tossed aside once he was done using her and she would be the reason that whatever shambles of his life was left after this act would be meaningful. While John’s faith could be tempered, he thought, and Lestrade’s had already been shown to be shakeable, her was not.
“What do you need?”
“You.”
And it was true, and he meant it in more ways than he realized, but first, he had to walk through the depths of Hell as a righteous man and then, perhaps, he could come back and pick up the pieces of his life and be the man she still so heartily believed he was.