Work Text:
“You’ll be meeting a writer later today, they’re from your hometown, it seems,” the band manager said as he flipped through their schedule. “It was set up just last night because his editor said it was urgent.”
Josuke looked up from his guitar. A writer? Why would a writer need to meet with members of a punk band? He let out a sigh, already dreading what was to come. Commenting on it would change nothing, especially if it was set up by their agency. “What writer is it?” he asked instead, strumming his instrument once, then going back to tuning it.
“Yeah, yeah. What kinda thing do they write? Why’d they wanna meet us anyway?” Okuyasu asked, not bothering to look up as he smashed the buttons on his video game controller.
The manager glanced down at the paper again, letting out a hum. “The editor mentioned something about the dude needing contact with real people and real experiences, whatever that means.” Josuke’s head snapped in his manager’s direction after he said this. It couldn’t be who he was thinking of. There was no way, right? “Anyway, I don’t have their name written down, but you’re meeting the writer at a bar. They mentioned something about wanting to be in the right environment or whatever. Guy’s pretty eccentric apparently.”
Josuke’s heart sank at his words. It had to be him, the most famous mangaka in all of Japan, Kishibe Rohan… his ex boyfriend. No one else was that meticulous and paranoid about their work. How many years had it been since they’d last seen each other? They’d broken up a little over two years now, and Rohan had cut off all contact between them immediately after. The thought of seeing him again hadn’t crossed his mind recently until this very moment. He was surprised to find himself looking forward to it, but he couldn’t deny how unbelievably nervous he was of it too. Josuke was sure that seeing him would open up old wounds. Would he be able to keep his cool?
“Josuke? Are you okay?”
Koichi’s concerned voice brought him back from his thoughts. Josuke glanced over at his short friend and offered a smile. “Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Sorry about that.” His friends didn’t really seem too convinced with his answer, but they decided not to push him to talk about it.
“Just be ready for it boys. Make sure to tell Miki about it too, he’s in a shoot with that fashion magazine right now. I’ll be back to pick you up at six.” With those words, the manager left them.
-
Josuke took a long time deciding what he should wear that evening. There was a small chance he’d get to see Rohan again, after all this time. He needed to look good, even if just to show the mangaka he was doing good without him. (Though that was a huge lie.)
He wore a purple crop top, black cargo pants and a leather jacket. Once he was dressed, Josuke meticulously styled his pompadour, making sure it looked perfect. He smiled at his reflection in the mirror once he was done. His clothes managed to highlight his curves while still showing off some muscle and Josuke was loving it. He picked up his phone and his wallet before stepping out of his room.
“Damn, bro. You look hot,” Okuyasu said, once he walked to the living room, looking him up and down from where he sat on the couch. “Why’d you get all pretty? Plannin’ to seduce the writer into giving us promo or something? Or do ya have a date after?”
The compliment caught him off guard, but also gave him a much needed confidence boost. Josuke scratched the back of his head sheepishly, a small smile on his lips. “You really think I look good?”
“Yeah, man, honest. Made me do a double take an’ all.”
His friend’s words managed to calm him down a bit. “Thanks, dude. I’m… I just wanna look good,” he paused, taking a deep breath, “Truth is… I think, um. Well, I have a slight feeling that the writer is my ex. I haven’t seen him in a while and, well, I figured I should try to look my best.”
Okuyasu’s jaw dropped at his words, and he jumped up from the couch. “Wait, wait. You mean Kishibe? You think it might be him? Oh god I forgot about him for a sec there.” He had a worried expression on his face before he spoke up again. “You should be careful, Josuke… I mean are you gonna be okay seeing him? You were… real hurt after y’all broke up.”
“Yeah, I’ll be okay, man. Don’t worry.”
“Are you gonna try and get back together then? Do you think he’d be open to talk to ya about it?”
He shrugged, keeping his gaze on the floor. “I honestly don’t know, Oku. But… I know I need to see him again. At the very least, I need… closure or something, man.”
Rohan was a self serving, stubborn man, but it’s not like Josuke was any better. They got into arguments very often back in the day. Both of them had been too headstrong to accept they had been at fault during them. Their breakup had been much different, though. There had been no argument, no talking whatsoever. Rohan had broken up with him one morning, after they had just woken up next to each other in his bed.
Josuke had been kicked out, broken up with, and left out in the cold. He’d gotten no reason, no explanation as to why he was being dumped. Would he be able to get one tonight?
-
A woman with copper colored hair greeted them at the door. “Hello, you guys must be the… Duwang Gang, am I correct?” she waited for them to nod before continuing, “I am Kyoka Izumi, an editor at Shueisha. Mr. Kishibe is waiting for you inside.”
Josuke’s eyes widened and he involuntarily took a step back, feeling himself sweat at the mention of his ex lover. He felt a pull deep in his chest and hesitated for a second. This was really happening. He was going to see Rohan again, after all this time.
Okuyasu noticed his unease and patted his back softly. “Hey, man, we don’t hafta do this if you don’t want to.”
“No, no. It’s fine, I’m fine. Just… getting confirmation is a little wild. Let's go in.”
They had played at this bar before, back when they had just started out. It was the first of his gigs that Rohan had actually gone to as well. A small smile made its way to his face at the thought. Despite not being the least bit interested in that type of music, Rohan had sat at the very front. He remembered the way their eyes had been glued to each other's during the performance. How Rohan had praised his performance and how fuzzy it made him feel inside. Most of all, he remembered how passionately Rohan had kissed him once they got to his car and how their bodies felt against each other's as they held each other throughout the night. He would never be able forget that.
The bar was more or less still empty at this time, due to it being so early. Kyoka lead them near the back of the establishment, where Rohan sat sipping on a cup of wine while hunched over his notebook. Once he heard them approach, he looked up, immediately locking eyes with Josuke. They gazed at each other for a few seconds. It felt as if there was nobody else in the room but each other.
Rohan's eyes widened, and his lips were parted. It seemed he didn't know which band he had been going to interview today until this very moment, judging by how shocked he was to see him. Rohan had always been the type to keep his emotions in check, to recover quickly from things like this. This time seemed to be an exception. Kyoka spoke up, probably introducing the band and the mangaka. Josuke wasn't sure, he didn't bother to listen to what she had said. Everyone else took a seat around the mangaka, but both of them stayed completely still as they looked at each other.
Josuke let his gaze wander over him, quickly noting how much weight he had lost since back then. He looked so tired and worn out, too. Their time apart had not been kind to him, it seemed. Had he been taking proper care of himself? He hoped so. Even now, Josuke thought he was the most beautiful being on this planet. Despite all that had happened between them, Josuke’s heart ached for him. As much as he had tried to convince himself otherwise over these past years, Rohan Kishibe was still the owner of his heart. He probably always would be.
“Oh hey, didn't you two use to date?” Mikitaka asked, pointing straight at them both. He was extremely oblivious to how human interaction normally works, as usual.
His words seemed to snap Rohan out of it, and he shot a glare his way. “I am not here to disclose personal information. Whether or not we used to date is irrelevant, it's been years since we last spoke either way… so we’re as good as strangers.”
That stung, more than he’d like to admit. Josuke let out a sigh then pressed his lips together. It wasn’t like he expected things to go perfectly, but he had hoped they could at least stay courteous with each other at first. He finally sat, right across the table from Rohan.
“Oh, I didn’t… I didn’t know you had… a history, with…” Kyoka trailed off, her face red.
Josuke offered her a sympathetic smile. The poor girl was obviously quite new at her work, and she had the misfortune of being assigned to work with one of the most difficult authors out there. “It’s fine, don’t worry. It’s been a long while since we were involved. And, as Kishibe indicated, it’s all irrelevant,” Josuke paused, unable to conceal the hurt in his voice, “It’s all the same, we don’t know each other. Nothing that happened between us was real or serious.”
“Don’t,” Rohan warned, eyes locked on to him. “You know that’s not what I meant, Higashikata.”
Koichi, who hadn’t yet joined the band back when they dated, looked between them, confused. “Big gay drama, they used to date. Josuke was overly emotional and Rohan was a dick,” Okuyasu explained as he let out a sigh. Koichi slowly nodded, turning his gaze back to Josuke.
“You never truly speak your mind, so I wouldn’t know what you meant.” He knew he was being unreasonable, but he was hurt.
“I will not tolerate being accused of concealing the truth by a liar like you.” The mangaka furrowed his brows, putting down his pen. “I meant this wasn’t the setting to talk about that sort of thing. I wasn’t aware that you had lost your ability to interpret messages all together.”
“This isn't the correct setting to talk about it, huh? I wonder which one actually is.” Josuke let out a dry chuckle, shaking his head. “I guess I never knew how to interpret your messages.”
Rohan glared at him, a frown on his face. “Well maybe you should learn.”
“Um! We can set up a meeting with a different band! Or reschedule?” Kyoka suggested, sounding far too nervous.
Her shaky voice snapped Josuke out of it and he sighed, closing his eyes. “Alright, Rohan. Just… Whatever. I’m… going out for a smoke. You don't need the whole band for your stupid interview anyway.” With this, he walked up the stairs at the corner of the bar, going over to the roof. He didn’t bother to look back at the table, but he could feel everyone's eyes on him.
With shaky hands, Josuke pulled out a cig and lit it up. It was cold outside, but not all that windy. He took a drag, leaning against the railing. Man, he’d really lost his cool back there. Everything related to Rohan always managed to make his emotions go haywire. He couldn’t help himself, he was so much more sensitive around him. It didn't help that Rohan never seemed to care. He remained as stoic and distant as always. Shit. He shouldn’t have agreed to come out today.
After a few minutes, he heard the door to the roof open up behind him, but didn’t bother to look back. Josuke knew exactly who it was. He put his cigarette against his lips again, inhaling the awful tasting smoke. The other man approached him, almost hesitantly. He stopped right next to him, mimicking his position. They said nothing for a while, standing next to each other in silence.
“I didn’t know you’d gone back to smoking,” Rohan finally said, almost hesitantly. He didn’t turn to face him, keeping his gaze on the building in front of him. “You had stopped about three or four years back.”
Josuke glanced back at him, letting out a sigh. “Yeah, well. You did stop talking to me and all that.” He took another drag, looking down at his hand. “A lot has changed since then.”
“Yeah… I guess a lot would have changed. It’s been two years, three months and twenty seven days since we stopped talking after all,” he paused, lowering his voice for the next part, “Well… since I cut you off.”
Josuke turned to face him, feeling himself unable to breathe properly. How did Rohan remember the exact time that had passed since then? Had he been counting? Why would he? That made no sense.
“In any case, you shouldn’t have gone back to it. It’s a terrible habit.”
“Mmm… you’ve gone back to skipping sleep and food for work. You don’t have a right to lecture me.”
After this, Rohan remained quiet for a few minutes. The wind seemed to have picked up, making the rooftop even colder than before. The silence was heavy around them, Josuke didn’t really know what he should say or do.
“I’m sorry, Josuke.”
Now, that, he didn’t expect. “Rohan… are you-”
Rohan placed his finger on his lips, cutting him off. Josuke’s heartbeat skyrocketed at the small contact. His finger was cold, but also very soft. “I’m not finished speaking. I refuse to say this more than once, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me.” Rohan waited until Josuke nodded before continuing.
“I shouldn’t have left you the way I did. It was inconsiderate and selfish. I made assumptions based on poor observation and let irrational jealousy drive my actions. It was… It was just so hard to deal with it. You had girls and boys literally throwing themselves on you, constantly, despite not being all that famous yet. It was frustrating. All of these people shared more in common with you than I ever could. I don’t like your music or video games and you don’t like my manga or art… but all of these people, they loved your music. They shared your hobbies and… they wouldn’t drag you around to galleries, museums or places that don't interest you, they’d go to all your concerts and…” Rohan glanced at Josuke again.
“In any case, they loved all the same things you did. I didn’t want to be…” Rohan hesitated for a second, putting his face on his hands. “I didn’t want to be left behind. I couldn’t stand the thought of you realizing all of this and moving on… leaving me alone. So I decided to leave before that happened. It was the wrong way to go about things, but I had never been in a serious relationship before. So when these thoughts surfaced… I panicked.” He looked back up, his expression unreadable.
“I meant to tell you all of this a long time ago, but you went on an overseas tour shortly after we split… and after you came back, I figured it might have been for the best to leave it all behind. I assumed you had gotten over it for the most part and didn't want to drag you back down.”
Rohan sighed. “Anyway, that’s all I had to say.”
Josuke stared at him, unable to believe what he had just heard. That had been the reason why Rohan had left him? Rohan turned away from him, as if he was about to leave. “Wait, no. Don’t leave. You got a chance to speak, I should get a turn too. Don’t you think so?” His voice sounded off to him, though he couldn’t really place why. Rohan turned back towards him and scrunched up his nose, glancing down at the still lit cigarette in his hand. “I’ll stop smoking while I talk to you, of course,” he added, knowing full well how much the mangaka hated the smell.
After thinking it over for a few seconds, Rohan sighed, turning back to face him. “Alright. Speak then.”
Josuke took a deep breath, trying and failing to settle his thoughts. This all made him so angry. It could all been avoided so easily. He couldn't believe it took two years to get an actual explanation to all of this. “Look, just… you’re an idiot, Rohan.”
“Excuse me?” Rohan looked extremely offended at his words.
Josuke looked up at him with a small frown on his face. “You’re an idiot. A huge, stupid idiot. You dumped me because you were scared I’d dump you… for a fangirl?”
“Look it doesn’t… I wasn’t thinking rationally.”
“It’s ridiculous. I would never… do that. You’re absolutely everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. I told you this. I am so damn in love with you. I loved going to dumb museums and art galleries with you, because it all made you so happy. Seeing you explain all of these things to me, the glimmer in your eyes and the small smile glued to your face… It was adorable,” he paused, looking back up at him, “And yeah, we had different interests, but we were so good together. We complimented each other really well. We just balanced each other out. It’s one of the main reasons why I love you so much.”
He smiled, shaking his head. “All of this could have been solved so easily if we’d just talked it out, Rohan.”
Rohan stood there, seemingly frozen in place, his cheeks dusted pink. Josuke raised an eyebrow, not really understanding why he seemed to be so surprised. “You said… you are in love with me. As in, now. You didn’t use past tense.”
Shit. Had he really? “U-Um, that… was an accident. Of course I don’t… I don’t still love you.” He felt his face heat up as he spoke and he looked off to the side, not wanting to meet Rohan’s eyes.
It wasn’t until he felt Rohan’s arms wrap around him that he looked back at him. Rohan held him loosely, not too close, giving him the chance to back away if he wanted to. “You’ve always been a terrible liar, Josuke,” the mangaka muttered, not looking up at him.
A smile made its way into his face and he pulled Rohan closer to him. “Shut up.” Josuke pressed a small kiss on the top of his head, relishing the feeling of having him pressed up against him again. He’d missed this so much.
Neither of them directly said “I love you” outloud that night, but they didn’t really have to. Every look, every kiss and every touch they shared after this conveyed their emotions better than any words would be able to.
Josuke knew things wouldn’t magically resume as they were before, it wouldn’t be easy to date again and they’d have to start their relationship back up from square one. But they could work through it. They would do it together.