Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Naomi’s stomach turned as she signed in to the prison, scribbling her name on the guest sheet and telling herself to calm down. Ordinarily, they wouldn’t have let her visit and it took a little bit of weaseling to make it happen, meaning she had to be in LA longer than she’d wanted. After all, she wasn’t family and they were talking about a serial killer, but with L’s help, she could go anywhere she wanted.

It didn't mean she wasn't still nervous.

She sat on one side of a big plastic window. A phone hung on one side of the wall and she could see the other phone on the other side of the window. Everything was grey concrete. She fidgeted in her chair.

A minute later, the door on the other side of the window opened. Naomi felt her stomach fall to her feet and then, Beyond was escorted through the door by two guards.

He looked drastically different from the last time she’d seen him. For one, his pronounced slouch was gone. The make up was off his face and his hair had been cut short and had grown back in reddish brown, a drastic change from the shoulder-length black curls he'd had before. He was also covered in intense scarring from head to toe from the fire, his skin shiny and warped in uneven patches across his cheeks and his arms.

He also looked angry. Bitter. Almost hateful. There was a darkness in his eyes now that despite all the unsettling experiences they’d shared during the investigation was new. He’d always been a little scary to Naomi, a little unsettling. Now, he was intimidating. She practically didn’t recognize him, despite the fact that it had only been three weeks since Beyond had been apprehended.

She watched him sit across from her behind the window, his back straight. He glared and then he picked up the phone. She did as well, trying hard not to let him see her fear.

“Naomi Misora,” he said.

“You remember my name,” Naomi said.

Beyond smiled bitterly.

“How could I forget,” he said. Naomi fidgeted.

“I learned that your name is not Rue Ryuzaki,” Naomi replied. “You’re-”

“Beyond Birthday,” Beyond said and then he threw his free hand out in an angry-looking flourish. (Was it possible to flourish angrily?) “That’s me. You’ve uncovered my secret identity, Misora. Congrats." His voice was taunting. "You ruined my revenge and my suicide. Why are you here.”

He growled this, sending a shiver down Naomi’s spine.

Naomi swallowed.

“No small talk?” She asked. “You’re not gonna ask me how the detective scene has been since you’ve left?”

“Don’t care to know,” Beyond said.

Naomi shifted in her seat, her attempt at lightening the situation dismissed.

“Alright,” she said. “Fine.”

“Why are you here,” Beyond said again.

Naomi looked away. She didn’t want him to realize she was staring at the scars across his cheek.

“I want to know why. I want to hear it from you.”

Beyond barked a laugh.

“L didn’t tell you? You didn’t pick it apart yourself? You’re clever enough.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

“L is a loser,” Beyond spat, which seemed a little ridiculous to hear from him given that he was the one behind bars. “And everyone just worships him.”

“He told me you’d say that,” Naomi said.

“Doesn’t make it less true,” Beyond said. “L ruined my life. The thing is, no death would be truer to L than to lose a game. His ego would die, and that’s really all that there is inside him anyway, so it would kill him.” He scowled, like that explained everything.

“What do you mean?” Naomi said. “How did he ruin your life?”

Beyond looked suddenly like a kettle that was about to boil over. Something lit up in his eyes and Naomi could swear he started to shake.

Then, he sucked in a breath and leaned in.

“I don’t owe you anything, Misora.”

“Two more minutes,” a guard said.

Beyond sat back now, reclining cockily.

“You heard the man,” he said.

“I want answers,” Naomi said.

“What makes you think you deserve them?”

“Because I was involved!” Naomi cried. “And I saved your life.” And I can’t process it, she almost added. I can’t let it go.

“You effectively ended my life,” Beyond said.

“I know that I don’t know what’s between you and L, but I just-” Naomi stopped.

The thing was, she wasn’t entirely sure why she was there. She supposed she felt like something wasn’t over, that there were loose ends between her and Rue Ryuzaki. Maybe she wanted him to apologize to her. Maybe she wanted him to say something that would make the miserable and stressful time she spent investigating the murders he’d committed and dealing with his garbage worth it. Maybe she wanted him to do something that would validate the interest she had in him, the way something kept nagging her in the back of her head about him. She begged him to do something that would make that interest make sense.

“I just feel like the story’s not over,” Naomi said. Her eyes traced one of the red scars on his cheek and then she forced herself to look away again.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Beyond said.

“Ryuzaki-” Naomi said tiredly and then stopped herself. “I mean, Beyond.”

She hadn’t yet said his name. And what a strange name, too.

“Goodbye, Misora,” Beyond said and then, before he hung the phone back up, he studied her face. Then, he said, “if you’d been a few minutes slower, I wouldn’t have to be here. Just a few minutes. I would have suffocated on the smoke. The pain would have been so quick, Naomi.”

Naomi didn’t know what to say.

“Does it hurt right now?” She asked, her voice practically a whisper.

“It always hurts,” Beyond hissed and then he slammed the phone back in the cradle and jumped to his feet, his arms swinging. The guards jumped up as well and Beyond threw his hands in the air. She could hear him behind the plastic saying, “calm down, boys! I couldn’t hurt you if I wanted to!”

They took him past the door again and he didn’t look back at her and then, Naomi put her phone back into the cradle as well and then got up and left.

Chapter Text

The second time Naomi went to see Beyond Birthday in prison, it was because L asked her to go back with a message before leaving LA.

She felt conflicted. She didn’t want to go because he’d made it abundantly clear that he didn’t feel as though there was any unfinished business between them or that he owed her any apologies, so she wasn’t going to get the closure she wanted on the bizarre experience that was the Wara Ningyo Case. But at the same time she still needed that closure and she was curious about him too because she’d never met anyone so strange in her entire life. She wanted to understand. She warred with herself on the way there.

Why am I here, she thought as she walked in.

They took her to the same room with the phones and the window and when he was led through the door and saw her sitting there, he threw his head back and laughed.

“Are you just going to show up here periodically to torment me?” He asked once he sat down. “Just keep rubbing my failure in my face?”

“I’m here on L’s behalf,” Naomi said. Beyond’s eyes lit up.

“Oh great,” he said. “I sure have a lot of messages I’d love to get through to him.”

“He wants you to know you would have made a good successor.”

“Tell him fuck you ,” Beyond said.

“Language,” one of the guards said.

“Fuck off!” Beyond yelled. The guard took a threatening step closer and Beyond pressed himself closer to the window.

“I think he’s trying to be nice,” Naomi said.

“L?” Beyond barked a laugh. “Nice isn’t his style.” He twisted up his face and leered at her. He was too close to the glass. “Would you give him my message please, Misora? Tell him I pray for his death.”

Beyond looked at her, the phone pressed to his face. He was wearing long sleeves and gloves today under his short-sleeved prison uniform, tight spandex-looking things, and Naomi wondered if it had something to do with his physical therapy for the burns. He studied her for a minute and then he frowned when she didn’t respond.

“Well,” Naomi said. “I suppose that’s all I have to say to you.” She moved to hang up the phone and leave, but Beyond reached forward and slapped a hand against the window. It wasn't in a violent way or an angry way, just a desperate way, like he was reaching out to her, but Naomi jumped to her feet anyway and the guards were at Beyond’s side in a second. One of them had a hand on his arm.

“Wait, wait,” Beyond was saying, muffled behind the plastic. “Please, I’m sorry! Really! I just needed to get her attention, I’m not doing anything!!”

And in this moment, he looked so miserable and scared and panicked. The anger was gone out of him and there was just fear and smallness and Naomi felt her heart squeeze just a little bit until she reminded herself that this was a sicko murderer and he was getting what he deserved.

Beyond looked up at Naomi with pleading eyes until she slowly sat back down and took up the phone again. The guard released his arm and he put the phone between his face and his shoulder so that he could rub the spot he’d been grabbed with his free hand tenderly.

“What,” Naomi said.

“I just-” Beyond choked. “I’m in solitary, you know?” He stopped, his pride strangling him, but Naomi put the pieces together.

“I’d think that if you were lonely, you’d be a little more polite to the only person visiting you,” Naomi said. "Besides, you weren't so happy to see me last time."

“You’re the only person I’ve been able to talk to in days,” Beyond choked.

“That can’t be right,” Naomi said.

“Well, it is,” Beyond said. “You think I make small talk with the guards? They don’t talk back. The physical therapist is scared stiff of me. I’ve been quite literally left in a little concrete corner of this hell hole to rot.”

Naomi didn’t know what to say. She thought about how he sincerely had this coming. She thought about how she still didn’t understand him, not an ounce, and she still felt like she was owed some sort of apology, some sort of explanation.

“If you want me to stay, you have to help me understand what all that was about. All of it,” Naomi said. Make me stop thinking about the way you looked burning alive, she thought.

Beyond used his free hand to rub at his eyes and then he heaved a breath.

“He didn’t tell you about Wammy’s?” Beyond finally said. He said the words like they choked him coming out. Naomi shook her head. “Well, it’s the place me and Able grew up. This, uh, orphanage in England. Actually, can we talk about anything else??”

“Why?” Naomi said.

“You think you’re just entitled to my tragic backstory on day one??” Beyond hissed and then he caught himself and groaned. “No, no, don’t leave, please, I’m sorry.”

Naomi didn’t know what to do with an apologetic Beyond. She hardly knew what to do with Beyond anyway, but this pitiful side of him was practically depressing and she felt uncomfortable.

“I just want to understand you,” Naomi said. “You tormented me for a week and I got all tangled up in it and I just want to know why.”

Beyond shrugged.

“Bad things happen to good people, Misora,” he said. “That seems to be the rule that the world lives by.”

“You crawled all over the floor like an animal,” Naomi continued. “You ate a whole jar of jelly! With your hands! You scared the life out of me, you assaulted me.”

Beyond made a face.

“Wait, Misora,” he said. “You’ve never, uh, met L, have you?”

“Well, no, of course not,” Naomi said. Beyond snickered.

“That’s what I was doing, Misora,” he said. “These murders were sort of my magnum opus, if you will, so I went all out. All that, that was him .”

“What do you mean??” Naomi asked, bewildered.

“I was making fun of him!!” Beyond cried and he threw his free hand in the air. “I can’t believe you missed that, it was one of my favorite parts of the whole thing! L is the asshole who does all that stuff. I was trying to mock him and scare you, but he’s just like that!!

“You’re lying,” Naomi said, a little disturbed.

“Why would I??” Beyond said. “You don’t see me crawling on the floor now, do you??”

Naomi digested this uncomfortably. He had to be wrong about L, right? Maybe he was unorthodox, but to the point of eating jam with his hands?? Beyond had to be wrong. She'd find out later that he was, that his L impression was embarrassingly poor, but at this point, well, she didn't know what to believe.

“How long are you gonna be here?” Beyond asked, interrupting her thought process.

“Visiting hours last until two,” Naomi said. “They’ll shut this place down soon.”

“No, no, not here ,” Beyond said. “Here! In California.”

“Oh,” Naomi said. “Well, L wanted me to deliver his message, but now that I have, I guess I’m leaving.”

Beyond nodded.

“Okay,” he said. “Are you, uh-” He stopped.

“What?” Naomi said.

“Nothing,” Beyond said.

“I’m not gonna come back,” Naomi said, guessing his words. Beyond’s face revealed nothing, but Naomi recognized a stiffness in him that meant that he was holding back any reactions. The thing was, she’d gotten what she’d come here for. Seeing him like this, pitiful and pleading, hearing him say that his strangeness had been all an act, maybe it had ended some of that curiosity about him. She could put the Wara Ningyo Murders to rest in her head now. Besides, she was nearly certain that L would have no further comments for Beyond, and how much fun would it be to keep returning here to have awkward and tense conversations with the desperate serial murderer on the other side of the plastic? The answer was not fun at all.

“Two minutes,” the guard said and Naomi gave Beyond an apologetic smile.

“We could have been friends,” Beyond said. “In another life.”

“Maybe in the life in which you didn’t do even a single one of the things you did,” Naomi said.

“Maybe,” Beyond said and then he rubbed his face again and Naomi wondered if he was tearing up or if she was imagining it. “This is weird to say, but you remind me of someone. Someone that I miss a lot.”

Naomi digested this too and then said, gracing him with a light-hearted tone, “You’re right. That was weird.”

Beyond laughed, half-way miserable, and Naomi laughed a little too and then Beyond looked up and met her eyes.

“So this is goodbye?” He said.

“Goodbye,” Naomi said.

Beyond blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes and then he nodded.

“Goodbye.”

Naomi hung up the phone and this time, it was her turn to leave first and not look back.

Chapter Text

The third time Naomi saw Beyond Birthday was not in prison. Instead, he was in her hotel room.

Naomi woke that night to a rustling by the door and she watched from her bed as the door opened. A tall, dark shape stepped through and shut the door behind it and then crept in the dark through her room. Naomi tensed immediately, as anyone would, terrified. However, unlike just anyone, she also had a handgun on the bedside table and she was very well trained and as soon as the dark shape stepped a little closer to the bed, Naomi leapt up onto her knees on the mattress and grabbed her gun and pointed it.

“Freeze!!” She yelled.

The figure put his hands up.

“Woah!” He cried. “Hold on!”

This voice was familiar and Naomi felt the fear twisting in her stomach get worse. She kept her gun out and pointed and leaned over to pull the cord on the bedside lamp. Light spilled through the room.

Beyond Birthday stood in her hotel room in front of the bed, his hands in the air. He was wearing a pair of cheap black sweatpants and a jacket with the hood down. His compression gloves stuck out from under the sleeves of his jacket, tight on his hands.

“I’m not gonna do anything to you,” he said.

“You’re supposed to be in prison,” Naomi hissed. “Rotting. Remember?”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Beyond said.

“What do you want?? Are you going after me now?” Naomi said. “Because I’ll shoot. I will.”

“No, no,” Beyond said and he made a dissatisfied face, like he was disappointed that she would think that of him. “Think, Misora. What would killing you accomplish for me, huh?? I don’t just go around killing people willy-nilly, my murders were planned .”

Something about the fact that Beyond Birthday was standing in her hotel room in the dark with a gun to his head, looking for all the world like the scariest person she’d ever seen and saying the world ‘willy-nilly’ snapped something inside Naomi and she snorted.

He frowned.

“What,” he said. “It’s true.”

His face was almost pouty and Naomi clapped a hand to her mouth now and tried to stifle her hysterical laughter.

Beyond crossed his arms now, his face getting poutier by the second.

“I’m asking for your help,” he said, surly.

Naomi set her gun down by her knees on the bed and held her stomach and laughed.

“You-” she tried. “I just can’t believe you’re here! At 3am in my hotel room! You !”

Beyond crossed his arms and waited for her to stop laughing, which took a minute or two.

“Thank you for putting the gun down,” he said. “Now can we talk? I don’t have a lot of time.”

Naomi wiped the tears from her eyes.

“This is… So ridiculous. So unbelievable.” She shook her head. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t just call the cops right now.

Beyond already had a map out of his pocket and was smoothing it out over the bedsheets in front of her.

“I need to get to England,” he said. “Back to Wammys.” He pointed to a spot on the map, but she didn’t bother to look.

“One good reason, Ryuzaki!” Naomi said.

“Because I need to save my friend’s life!” Beyond said. “Please.”

He looked at her and he looked so desperate in that second that it really gave her pause.

“What are you talking about?” She said.

“I have this friend,” Beyond said. “I mean, not just friend, best friend. I love them. They’re in England right now, at Wammys. And they’re going to kill themself. Maybe others, too. I’m the only one who knows and I’m the only one who can stop them.” He looked up at her and then suddenly, he was swiping tears off his cheeks and Naomi felt suddenly uncomfortable, like she usually was in his presence. What was she supposed to do with a crying serial killer in her hotel room?? “And I just knew you would help me. You’re a good person, Naomi, you’re not like me or L, you’re good . You have to help me.”

Naomi was at a loss. This was all so strange. She noticed his deliberate use of her first name. Beyond continued pleading after she didn’t speak.

“ Please . I’ll go right back to prison once this is over, I swear. I swear on my life. If I fight, you can shoot me on the spot, I don’t care. I just want to save my friend’s life and stop the damage they’re going to do.”

“Why didn’t you just tell someone about this??” Naomi said.

“Like anyone would listen to me ,” Beyond said. “And they’re clever, fast. If anyone else tried to interfere, they’d just do twice as much damage. But me-they’ll hear me out. They’ll stop if I tell them to, if I tell them I’m okay.” Beyond looked into her eyes and waited. Naomi was at a loss. “Please. No one will even realize you helped me, it’ll all be a secret. No one will know, but if you don’t help, who knows how many people could die.”

“Since when do you care about death,” Naomi said. “Did you forget that you’re a serial killer??”

“Argh!” Beyond cried in frustration. “You’re not listening to me! My best friend, the only person I love in the whole world, will be dead. Only I can stop them.”

Naomi had no idea what was going on or what she should do.

It had occurred to her that Beyond could be lying. After all, most of the time they’d spent together had already been a lie. But something in his voice sounded so real and the tears in his eyes didn’t seem fake to her. During his charade as L, he’d always seemed unreal to her, larger than life, slimey and confusing. This, however, seemed so much more real. She couldn’t base it all on gut reaction, however.

“Prove it,” she said. Beyond groaned and ran his hands over his head.

“I can’t,” he said. “I can’t until we get there. Look, I was starting to tell you about my friend, Able, right? And the place we grew up? I couldn’t say it all earlier because it hurts, for one, and because other people were listening, so I had to get you alone. But Able, they’re supposed to be the next L, you know, the true successor, and it’s starting to drive them up the wall, like me. They’re gonna set off a bomb in Wammy’s with themself inside.

“If this doesn’t go according to plan, you can tell them I had you hostage or something. You won’t get in any trouble for this-I swear, I’ll take the fall. I just need to save A.”

Naomi didn’t know what to say.

“How,” she started. “How did you even get out? And how did you find me??

“Oh, you helped with that,” Beyond said and he grinned. “The last piece I needed was to know when they closed down the visiting area, remember? I said I had to go to the bathroom, knocked out the guards, and slipped through there while no one was in. Then, well, to be honest, Naomi Misora, I already knew what hotel you’d been staying at during the investigation. I figured you’d be in the same room.”

Naomi was speechless.

“You tricked me into helping you with your prison break??” She said. “And you stalked me?? And now you’re asking me, an FBI agent, to aid and abet the prison break of a serial murderer.”

“Misora, please,” Beyond pled. He looked on the verge of getting on his knees.

“What do you even need me for??” She cried.

“You’ve got L,” Beyond said. “He can get you anywhere. You’re also FBI! You can get all sorts of clearances I might need to stop Able. Plus, you’re clever. You and me were a good team.”

“That’s not how I would describe it,” Naomi said.

“You can help me stop them,” Beyond said. “You’re observant and fast. You can fight.”

“How do you know I won’t just call the cops right now?” Naomi threatened, her arms crossed.

“Because you visited me,” Beyond said. “You care.”

“I didn’t visit because I cared about you,” Naomi said.

“Then why?” Beyond said.

Naomi had no words.

“Ha! See?” Beyond said. “You felt bad for me!! Poor old Beyond Birthday, burnt to a crisp and left to rot in solitary.”

“I didn’t feel bad,” Naomi said.

“That’s how I knew you were good,” Beyond said, ignoring her. “That’s how I knew you’d help me. Besides,” his voice grew darker. “If you don’t help, maybe I really will take you hostage. I’m dangerous, remember? I’m absolutely off my rocker. You don’t know what I will or won’t do.”

“Don’t threaten me,” Naomi replied.

“Then just help ,” Beyond said. “Worse case scenario, they catch me and we say you were a hostage and you get off scot-free. Best case scenario, you help me save the one person I’ve ever loved, plus countless others, and I return to prison and probably the death sentence at this point and you’re rid of me. Either way, you get off without a problem.”

Naomi considered this.

“And we can’t just tell L about Able?”

“No!” Beyond cried and he nearly jumped. “No, no, definitely not. Especially not L. Able hates L.”

“This is the only way??” Naomi said.

“This is the only way,” Beyond repeated.

“It doesn’t sound like I really have much of a choice in the end,” Naomi said. Beyond grinned at her and shrugged.

“You won’t regret it, though,” he said. Then, in true Beyond Birthday fashion, which was to say utterly shameless and a little too close for comfort, he fell down onto the mattress and spread out. Naomi instantly began to shift away, not wanting to touch him.”I’m so tired,” he said. “I wasn’t tracked. We can leave for England in the morning, I just need to sleep.” Then, he pulled a pill bottle out of his jacket pocket, what looked like painkillers, and popped a handful into his mouth like candy. “You’d think I’d be over this whole ‘burned all my skin off’ thing by now, right? Well, I’m not. It’s like the post-op that never ends.”

Naomi was not ready to joke around with him, especially about something as traumatizing to her as seeing him burn. She didn’t respond.

“You sleep, too,” he told her casually. “There’s enough room.”

Naomi was also not ready to share a bed with Beyond Birthday. Instead, she slipped off the mattress and put the safety back on her gun.

“You can lay down,” Beyond insisted again and he opened his eyes and looked up at her. She looked down at his face, upside-down from lying sideways on the mattress, and shook her head.

“You take the bed,” she said. “You’re recovering.”

“Okay,” Beyond said in a voice that told Naomi that he didn’t hear the disgust under her words at the thought of sharing a bed with him.

So instead, Naomi took the chair across the room, curling up in it with her gun in her hand and she watched Beyond lapse quickly into the deep sleep of someone who has pushed their body to the limit. She tried to stay awake, but she was never that good at all-nighters, especially boring ones where the subject laid dead still, only his chest softly rising and falling, and by the time morning came, she was out.

Chapter Text

Beyond Birthday woke Naomi up in the morning, a cheerful grin on his face, standing well into her comfort zone. She pushed him back in surprise and he let himself be shoved.

“I said good morning,” he said.

“Hmm,” Naomi said back. Every one of her joints was stiff and her eyes were sore and she felt like instead of having slept in a chair for a few hours, she had actually just been run over by a truck several times.

“I used your laptop,” Beyond said. “Hope you don’t mind. I found us a plane to England in a few hours. It’s got just one layover. I bought tickets with your credit card.” He still stood too close to her as she stood up and she took a step back as she stretched her arms out.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you about personal space?” She harrumphed. “Or privacy? How much were those tickets??”

“I’ll pay you back,” Beyond said. “It’ll take some time because they don’t pay too good in prison, but I will.”

“Believe it or not but we don’t just trade cigarettes on the outside, Beyond.”

“Ah,” Beyond said with a smile. “I’ve been an inmate for too long already. Starting to forget how it works out here.”

Naomi rolled her eyes and bit her lip, desperate not to laugh at his joke. This was strange, this was a different Beyond. It was like someone had reached inside him and flipped on a light switch and that he’d mostly left the bitter, angry Beyond back at solitary. Thinking about this, she stretched out her elbow and then her torso, trying to pop her spine, feeling the stubborn stiffness.

“I can crack your back,” Beyond said. “I’m pretty good at it.” Naomi narrowed her eyes at him.

“Listen,” she started. “This is rule number one. You don’t touch me. If you do, I’ll break your arm. I really will, Ryuzaki.”

“You can call me Beyond now,” Beyond said.

“I’ll call you whatever I want,” Naomi said to mask her embarrassment at the fact that she had meant to call him Beyond, but the force of habit was proving difficult to break. She wanted to forget the Wara Ningyo Case and she wanted to forget him, but he was making it so, so difficult. She wished she could pin down how she felt about him almost as much as she wished he could pin down his own personality. “Just don’t touch me.”

“Fine,” Beyond said and miraculously, he put his hands up and took a step back.

Naomi went downstairs for the continental breakfast with a grocery list from Beyond. She ate and then walked across the street to a drug store to find him what he needed. She squinted at his handwriting as she walked up and down the aisles. He had a seemingly endless list of supplies for his skin, like different lotions and itch creams and pain meds and gauze patches. On top of that, he’d asked for another set of loose clothing and a ball cap to cover his face. By the time Naomi had found it all, she’d had to use a cart and she took it bitterly to the counter. She’d had to remind herself about the figurative gun to her head as she handed her credit card, already abused by Beyond, to the person behind the counter.

She brought it all back for him, plus breakfast from the lobby, and dumped it on the bed.

“You’re welcome,” she said.

“Oh, thank heavens,” he replied as he rustled through the bags. He took a handful of the extra strength pain killers immediately and then started to undress, pulling his jacket up over his head to reveal only the sheer compression garments underneath.

“Woah!” Naomi cried and whirled around.

“It’s just scarring, Misora,” Beyond said. “It’s not so bad, all things considered.”

“That is not why I don’t want to see you undress,” Naomi replied.

“I can’t put on the lotions with my clothes on,” he replied. Did he try to be so strange and clueless?? And here he'd tried to convince her that all his weirdness had been an act-HA!

“Then do it in the bathroom,” Naomi hissed and Beyond heaved a sigh and then she heard him collect up all his things and walk to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. When he came back, he was all dressed up again.

“That is so much better,” he breathed tiredly. “I thought all my skin was going to crack off before you got back.”

Naomi threw up in her mouth a little at the thought.

“You owe me a lot, Beyond,” she said. “Like a lot a lot.”

“I know I do,” he said and then he looked up and held her eyes. “I really do know, Naomi. I’m going to pay you back for everything. But I know with your help, A might live through this and that’s all I want, really. You’re giving me a gift you don’t even know.”

Naomi frowned at Beyond, unsure of how to respond.

“So what’s real and what’s fake about you,” she said.

“Huh?” Beyond replied and he began to clean up his things, throwing them into Naomi’s open suitcase, which sort of bugged her but there was nothing to do about it now.

“Who are you?” Naomi asked. “What was real about the Wara Ningyo Case?”

“Oh,” Beyond said. “Well, bits and pieces, here and there. I really do think you’re quite clever. Oh, and I really do love Akazukin ChaCha! You’ve read it by now, right?”

Did he think that she’d run out to read it once the case was over??

“No,” Naomi said. “Still on my list.”

“We ought to buy it for you to read on the plane!” Beyond exclaimed.

Naomi was starting to feel as though she’d talked to 500 different people through Beyond’s face. He had changed since escaping prison the other night. The anger in him that had scared her was gone somehow, but she couldn’t say he was like Ryuzaki-Beyond either because his strangeness was just different, but he was most certainly happier. His mood swings were giving her whiplash.

“Okay,” Naomi said, rubbing her forehead. “I’ll say something and you tell me if it was genuine or not.”

“Alright,” Beyond said, dumping the last of his medications into the suitcase.

“The, uh, looking like you don’t sleep?”

“Not me.”

“Sitting all crouched?”

“Nope.”

“Crawling on the ground.”

“Only if need be.”

“Jam?” Naomi said.

“Eh,” Beyond said. “Good on toast.” Then, he added something to his own list. “Most complex murder mystery ever?? Yes.” He flashed a stupid grin.

“That’s not funny,” Naomi replied. “People are dead .”

“I think I’d know that better than anyone, Naomi Misora,” Beyond said and he crouched on the ground to zip up her suitcase. “But people die all the time. Like, all the time. Death is just… Inescapable.”

“So what did you do that was real?” Naomi asked, ignoring his musings on death. Beyond sat back and thought.

“Well, you know, the point of it was for L,” he said and then, Naomi saw that anger rise in him again. It wasn’t hard to miss. His stupid grin dropped and his eyes darkened and he suddenly looked like the maniac serial killer he was. “Mock him. Make him feel dumb. So I didn’t do a lot of things just for the sake of getting to know you .”

Naomi didn’t know what to say. It was like he switched back and forth like a streetlight, green then red then green then red. One second he was friendly and smiling and cracking jokes and the next, his words were all jabs and he looked angry enough to go for a fourth victim.

Beyond realized his mistake when Naomi didn’t answer and he looked over at her and she saw him melt a little and he shook his head.

“I mean, sorry,” he said. “I don’t mean to snap at you. It’s just, uh, been a hard-” He stopped, trying to estimate the amount of time that it’s been hard for. “Year. Life.” He shrugged and finished preparing Naomi’s suitcase.

“Must I remind you again that if you want company, it’s usually in your best interest to be nice to the people you’re asking that of?” Naomi said.

“I know,” Beyond said and he sounded truly repentant and he scrubbed at his face. “I’m trying to chill out. I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology,” Naomi said. “As much as someone being held hostage can accept apologies.”

“You’re not a hostage!” Beyond cried and he climbed to his feet and looked at her like he was offended. “I thought we agreed. You’re secretly helping me and the hostage thing is just an excuse in case.”

“Fine, fine,” she said, not wanting to argue it with him. “You’re right. When’s the flight?”

“We have one hour,” Beyond said. “We should leave now, actually.”

Naomi took a mental step back now to realize that she was about to get onto a plane with an escaped serial killer to help him save his supposedly dangerous friend in England and that she was just going along for the ride and she thought she might scream. Things had been so weird since L had called her that this might as well happen.

But she also knew she had to be clever. She had to think of a way around his plan, something to pull if things went south for her. She had to be on her guard.

Chapter Text

The plane ride was excruciatingly long. Naomi did not buy a copy of Beyond’s book series to read on the plane, even though he’d reminded her of it, and instead, she’d decided to dedicate the time to brainstorming a plan. Beyond did not spend his time the same way. Once on the plane out of LAX, he produced a few popular novels from his backpack, some mainstream YA adventure stuff.

“Where did you get that??” Naomi asked.

“Oh, the bookstore!” Beyond said.

“You didn’t have my credit card,” Naomi said.

Beyond just winked. Naomi rolled her eyes. At least theft was better than cold blooded murder, and anything was better than the scary and angry Beyond behind the plastic window.

“Do you have any music on your phone?” Beyond asked a minute later once the plane had taken off. “It’s so quiet in here.”

“I thought you were reading,” Naomi said.

“Well, yeah,” Beyond said. “But I like to listen to music while I read.”

Naomi relinquished her phone and Beyond scrolled through it joyfully.

“You have Misa-Misa on here!” He exclaimed. “I love Misa-Misa!”

“I’m sort of trying to sleep here,” Naomi told him, which wasn’t the whole truth because in reality, she just wanted peace and quiet to sort out what she was going to do with him.

“Sorry,” Beyond said again sheepishly. “It’s just, three weeks is a long time for solitary, you know. And I’m more of a people-person. You get me?”

“Mm,” Naomi said.

“Ugh and it’s been so long since I’ve been able to listen to the music I like and read fun books,” he complained loudly. “I like to be in The Know, you know. About pop culture. I like to know what’s going on.”

“Mmhmm,” Naomi said.

“Anyway,” Beyond said, his book still open and unread on his lap. “You’d understand if you ever went into solitary. I thought I was gonna die in there a couple times! And if I’d get loud, the guards would just tell me to shut up. You just get so bored you want to pound your head against a wall. Really made me wish all the more that the suicide attempt worked out, you feel me?” He laughed. Naomi stared at him, bewildered. “It’s gallows humor,” he explained to her when she didn’t respond.

“Oh,” Naomi said because she didn’t know what else to say. He listened to his music for a little while longer until he found one of his favorite Misa-Misa songs, in which he began to give a quiet yet impassioned performance and Naomi tore one of the earbuds out of his ear to tell him that if he was going to do that, she’d throw his whole backpack of books out of the plane window.

The rest of the plane ride continued like this. Beyond, it seemed, could only be quiet in five to ten minute intervals. He’d chatter incessantly to Naomi, apparently just happy to have someone who was tied down enough to listen to him, but he rarely let anything semi-important slip until finally, during the layover in Amsterdam, he did.

“You’ll love A,” Beyond said. “You’re so much alike.” They were walking towards their next gate, which would depart in an hour, and Beyond had his sunglasses on and his ball cap pulled over his face and he was cramming pizza into his mouth like he thought he’d never see it again, which might have been something he’d genuinely thought.

“Glad to hear I’m so much like the person who’s about to set off a bomb in an orphanage,” Naomi said.

“No, no,” Beyond said. “No, it’s not like that. I mean, yes it is, but that’s not what I mean. Look, Able’s doing what they’re doing because, I mean, because Wammy’s is a nightmare. You don’t understand. It just churns out people like me and A and it’s not our fault. It’s Mr Wammy’s fault. It’s L’s fault.”

“It’s L’s fault that you chose to kill people?” Naomi asked.

“Shh shh shh,” Beyond said. “We’re in public, you know. But, in a word, yes.”

Naomi rolled her eyes.

“This is what he gets,” Beyond said. “For ruining my life. That’s A’s thinking too.”

“How on earth did he ruin your life?” Naomi asked and Beyond didn’t answer and when she looked over at him, she noticed he was glowering at the floor. “Alright, fine,” she said as they arrived at the gate. “Need to know basis.”

Before getting onto the next plane, Naomi got a phone call. It was Raye.

“Hi,” she said as she answered, not sure how she was going to explain this one. She and Raye made small talk for a while and Beyond watched, listening to make sure she didn’t give him away.

“When are you coming back?” Raye asked and Naomi pulled her hands through her hair and frowned.

“Uh, I’m going to have to extend,” she said. “You know that secret mission in LA? It needs me in England for a little while, but it’ll be fast.”

“Well, come back soon,” Raye said. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Naomi said and when she hung up the phone, Beyond was waiting behind her with bated breath, finishing the last of his pizza. She’d forgotten how buggy his eyes could be. Even without the makeup, he looked like he saw right through her unblinkingly.

“Who was that?” Beyond said.

“My fiance,” Naomi said.

“You didn’t drop him any secret hints, right?” Beyond said.

“No,” Naomi said.

“Because if you did, that’d make this whole operation a lot harder.”

“I didn’t,” Naomi said.

They sat at the gate in silence for a minute and then he turned to her again.

“Is he nice?” He asked.

“Who, Raye?” Naomi said.

“Yeah,” Beyond said. “The fiance.”

“Oh,” Naomi said. “Yes, he is.”

There was more silence and then Naomi screwed up her face and gave in.

“He wants me to quit the FBI,” she admitted.

“What??” Beyond said. “No way.”

“Yeah. He wants a family, you know? Two point five kids, a white picket fence.”

“Is that what you want?” Beyond asked.

“Yes, of course,” Naomi said. “Of course.”

“You don’t sound sure,” Beyond said.

“Well,” Naomi said. “We’ve been discussing it, me and him. It’s not an easy decision to make, you know?”

“Of course,” Beyond said obligingly.

“But you know, I never saw myself as a family person,” Naomi continued. “I thought I did, but the more I think about it, the more I think, you know, maybe it’s not right for me. But it has to be because everyone says that’s what’ll make me happy and maybe I’m just too young to know. But whenever I think about it, it sort of feels like… Losing my identity.” Naomi stopped herself here and realized with a flush of shame and humiliation that she’d overshared. She felt her face grow hot and she groaned. “Oh geez,” she said. “I need to shut up.”

“No, not at all,” Beyond said. “Sometimes, you just gotta talk. It’s nice to have someone who will listen.”

Naomi realized now that all she’d been doing this whole trip was trying to find a way to get Beyond to shut up when he’d needed to talk but when she’d needed it, he’d listened and she suddenly felt like the worst person in existence.

“Thank you,” she managed to choke.

“Anytime,” Beyond replied and then, the next time he played Misa-Misa loudly through her phone, he offered her one of the earbuds and they listened to it together.

Chapter Text

They arrived in London nearly 12 hours after having left LA. It was the middle of the night, but the city still bustled. Naomi called a cab as they stood outside by Arrivals and Beyond stretched his arms around and spun around as if taking in the atmosphere of the place.

“Ah, England!” He cried. “Home sweet home! Never thought I’d be back here!” Then, as Naomi got off the phone and turned around, she saw wetness sparkling on his cheeks and realized that he was crying as he held his arms out to the night sky.

“What’s wrong??” She asked.

“Nothing,” he said but he made no move to wipe the tears from his face.

“It’s not nothing,” Naomi said.

“I just really thought I’d never be back here,” he said back quietly and he let his arms fall to his sides and then finally dried his face, but the tears kept coming. “I’m not happy about it, or sad. I just… I’m overwhelmed, maybe. That’s what I am. Overwhelmed.”

As the cab took them through the city, Beyond couldn’t stop crying. He’d point to things out the window and tell Naomi that he used to get into fights there or that he’d spend the night on that bench if he didn’t feel like being at Wammy’s or that this pub would give kids beer if you had enough money. Naomi didn’t think any of his tearful anecdotes sounded like stories from a particularly healthy childhood.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying,” he’d say over and over. “I don’t know why.” And then he’d muffle a sob and bite on his jacket sleeve and then he’d point something else out from the window.

“We have to see the sights,” he added, scrubbing his face. “While we’re here.”

“I don’t think we have time for that,” Naomi said. Or if you have the emotional strength right now, she added in her head.

“We do,” he insisted. “We do.”

The cab driver dropped them off at a hotel and Beyond thanked him in English and made a little small talk, laughingly apologizing for crying, and Naomi noticed that he had a distinctly British accent and that this was a little charming, since she’d been taught English with an American accent.

“What now, Mr. Birthday?” She asked him in English once the cab drove away.

“Oh, please,” Beyond replied. “Mr. Birthday is my father.”

Naomi snorted and followed him into the hotel.

In the hotel room, Beyond fell dead asleep again almost immediately. He’d been taking handfuls of painkillers all day and constantly rubbing lotion on his face and hands uncomfortably. Naomi herself was exhausted so she couldn’t imagine how tired Beyond must be. He only took the time to use all his creams and then he was asleep in the bed before she could stop him.

She herself was ready to drop dead, too. Everything ached and she wanted nothing more than to lay in a comfortable bed and sleep. She’d bought only one room for a few reasons-one was that this was all going on Beyond’s tab and he was going to owe her big and she had a sneaking suspicion that she might not see some of this money ever again, so she was determined to spend as little of it as possible. Secondly was because if she put Beyond up in another room and he vanished, then she’d have a loose serial killer on her hands and it would be her fault. She needed to keep an eye on him 24/7. But that didn’t mean that she couldn’t splurge just enough for double beds.

She climbed into the second bed, watching his chest rise and fall like she had the other night, and was out before she knew it.

She felt like she woke up only seconds later, but the clock next to the bed told her that several hours had passed. She rolled over in bed, dissatisfied and dead tired, until she realized what it was that had woken her up. The light was on in the bathroom and there was a lot of splashing going on.

Beyond was not on his bed.

Naomi stumbled up from bed and stood in the doorway of the bathroom to see Beyond, sopping wet, standing under the shower. He was completely clothed and absolutely drenched, his clothes plastered to his skin. The water fell over his face and collected in the tub at his feet and he bent down furiously to scoop up handfuls and splash them over his head. He was breathing heavily and shivering violently.

Naomi watched this for a few seconds of stunned silence and then she called out to him.

“Beyond,” she said. He didn’t stop. “Beyond!” She raised her voice and he looked up and met her eyes and he looked terrified.

“Oh,” he said in an unusually high voice. “Hi.”

“What’s going on here??” Naomi asked.

“Just, uh, taking a shower,” Beyond replied in English, but his voice shook.

“Quite the shower you got going on here,” she said back. “At 5am.”

“Perfect time for a cold shower, Misora,” Beyond said, but he was barely even trying to sound convincing.

“What happened?” Naomi asked.

Beyond hesitated, like he was going to respond, but before he did, he reached down for another scoop of water and he splashed it over his face. Then, he shut off the water and sat down in the full tub he’d made for himself. Water sloshed over the side and he submerged himself as far as he could, but being too tall to fully fit, his knees stuck up high, folded up uncomfortably. He pushed his face as close to the water as he could without breathing it in.

This was very weird. Part of Naomi wanted to just step out and shut the door behind her and leave him, but part of her was also growing accustomed to the increasingly bizarre things that he subjected her to.

“Nothing, this is just normal for me,” he said, his teeth chattering.

“Is that actually cold water??” Naomi said and she felt a little funny sticking her hand in his bathwater, but he was fully clothed and something was clearly amiss, so she did, just deep enough to feel that the water was frigid. “Ah!” She cried. “How awful!”

Beyond scrubbed his face, which Naomi was starting to pick up on as a sign that he was upset.

“I just don’t like to get too hot lately,” he admitted. “It was very warm in our room. I woke up all sweaty.”

The pieces came together for Naomi, the things Beyond was refusing to admit. He’d had a nightmare, that was it, of being on fire. So he’d rushed into the bathroom desperately to douse himself in freezing water.

“Come out of the water,” she tried to coax him. “You’ll catch a cold.”

“I’m quite comfortable, Misora,” Beyond said, except he didn’t say it completely because his teeth were chattering so hard that he could barely speak. Naomi wanted to switch back into Japanese, but knew that Beyond was probably speaking in English to comfort himself, so she refrained.

“Please,” Naomi said. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

After a little more coaxing, Beyond finally agreed. He let Naomi help him out of the tub because he was shaking so violently, his gloved hand gripping hers tightly, and then she wrapped him up in the hotel towels.

He had to put the lotion back on, and the rest of the treatments, and he had to get out of his sopping wet clothes, so Naomi took his clothes and wrung them out and hung them over the tub to dry while Beyond cared for his damaged skin, their backs to each other in the small bath room. (It didn't go over Naomi's head that just the other day, she'd insisted he do this alone in the bathroom, but it was different now! This was kind of a crisis situation. And besides, their backs were turned, he wasn't just stripping down in front of her like he had earlier. It was different, she told herself.)

She stayed there, watching the water swirl down the drain, until Beyond awkwardly said, “robe?” At which point she handed the hotel robe back towards him and felt him take it from her hand. Once he was decent, she turned around. He was smoothing back his short red-brown hair shakily, the short tight curls plastered to his skin. His hands and arms were uncovered now, the compression garments hanging up to dry too, and Naomi got another good luck at the red scars there. His skin was absolutely mottled, red and melted. She’d gotten used to seeing it on the parts of his face that had been ruined, but she’d forgotten how bad it was on his arms.

“How about we put on the TV?” Naomi offered gently. “A distraction.”

“I love TV,” Beyond said.

“I thought you might,” Naomi said and she ushered him out of the bathroom and back to his bed, which was, as he had said earlier, was wet with sweat, the sheets twisted. She pulled off the top sheets and laid down an extra towel on top of the circle of sweat and sat him down. He followed her compliantly and she debated for a split second with herself about sitting down next to him. It was her first instinct, to use the nearness to comfort him, but then she wondered if it would be weird or if he would want to sleep and would want her gone, but she could only consider this so long because once he’d gotten comfortable, he patted the part of the bed next to him to invite her to sit, so she did.

The TV played and Beyond was sucked into whatever show happened to be on, laughing at all the right times, fixated. He’d certainly started to feel better. The lights and colors reflected off his face in the dark, lighting up his eyes.

Naomi curled up on the bed after a few minutes, still dead tired, but she still didn’t exactly want to sleep so near to him. She kept herself awake a little longer, feeling stiff and uncomfortable. During a commercial break, she looked up at him.

“Tell me about Able,” Naomi said.

He looked down.

“What about them?” He said, switching back to Japanese.

“I don’t know,” Naomi said. “What would help us stop them?”

Beyond thought about this for a second and then heaved a breath.

“Um,” he said. “Well, once we can find them, I think if I talk to them-” His voice caught. He started again and rubbed his eyes. “If I could just talk to them, hug them, I think-I think they’ll come back with us. They’ll just live a happy life. Maybe visit me on death row.”

“You understand that we need a more solid plan than you just hugging them,” Naomi said.

“I know,” Beyond said. “I know.” He was quiet for a moment and Naomi thought he’d focused back on the TV until he continued. “Able is smarter than the both of us, but not the both of us combined, which is why you helping me is so important. They like video games, puzzle games. They like running away from school with me sometimes, and they’re like you, they’re so… So-” He held up his hands like he could find the words in the air in front of him. “So good and so capable. Like everything they do just goes right.”

Naomi tried not to be too flattered that Beyond thought for some reason that everything she did went right. “You’ll see them again,” she said, trying to sound comforting, and Beyond nodded and rubbed his eyes.

“They might change course, though,” he said. “If they find out I’m out of prison, they might try to find me or change their plans. They might leave Wammy’s.”

“Then we’ll hunt them down,” Naomi said.

“First, we have to find where they are right now,” Beyond said.

“Beyond, how did you know they were going to do this?” Naomi asked.

“I know them really well,” Beyond said. “I know how their mind works, what they’d do. Plus, they told me that if my plan failed, they’d find another way to screw over L. They told me what they’d do before I left, what their plan was. I didn’t think I’d have to worry about it because I was pretty sure I’d be dead and they’d stay alive.

“Do you have any pictures of them?” Naomi asked and Beyond laughed sardonically.

“I’ve only got the clothes on my back,” he said. Naomi thought it was funny that he didn’t mention also having her suitcase packed full of his changes of clothes, his meds, and his books.

“What do they look like?” Naomi prodded.

“Shorter than me,” Beyond said.

“Everyone’s shorter than you,” Naomi said. “Keep going.”

“Short blonde hair,” Beyond added. “But it’s dyed because they’re Mexican and they have naturally brown hair. Big, round glasses. Freckles.”

“You could give descriptions to police sketch artists,” Naomi said dryly. Beyond continued like she hadn’t spoken.

“They have really circular fingernails,” he said, lost in thought. “And really pink lips. And sort of a button nose, you know?”

“When are they going to do it, do we have time? And are we going to Wammy’s tomorrow?” Naomi asked. For a few minutes, Beyond didn’t answer. “Beyond?” Naomi said and looked up when he turned the TV off. “You were still in the middle of your show,” she protested, for no good reason at all, she realized later.

“Yeah,” he said. “We’ll go. We have to plan it, though.” Her eyes adjusted to the dark slowly and she watched him settle back down onto the mattress, his back to her, all the sheets pushed to the end of the bed.

“Okay,” she said quietly. He didn’t answer. She didn’t know if she should move to the other bed or yet, if it would offend him, or if he still could use the comfort of her presence. She felt antsy. “Goodnight, Beyond,” she said.

She heard him heave a breath.

“Goodnight,” he finally said.

After she was sure he was asleep, she got up and climbed into the second bed.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Naomi woke up before Beyond. He was spread out across the bed now, snoring softly.

She sat up now and pulled her hair back out of her face. The sun shining through cracks in the curtains lay out across their legs in a solid yellow line and she stood up to shut it out so it wouldn’t wake him. Then, she quietly showered and dressed and went downstairs to bring up pieces of the continental breakfast, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.

When she came back, Beyond was still asleep, so she ate alone and began researching Wammy’s.

While in the middle of this, Naomi received a phone call. The number was encrypted. She left the room and answered the phone in the hall where her voice wouldn’t disturb Beyond.

“Naomi Misora,” said L’s computer voice.

“Speaking,” Naomi said.

“I’m calling to let you know that Beyond Birthday has been reported to have escaped from prison.”

Here, Naomi knew that her choices were limited. Her first instinct was to yell, “yes, I know! He’s been dragging me around for days!” But she stopped herself and reminded herself that he was a killer. He’d had no hesitation killing three people just weeks before, what would stop him from doing something to her now, like he’d threatened her earlier?? And in addition to this, if he was right about A, maybe it really was good to help him. His plan made some sense, after all. If it worked out, no one would be the wiser. If it didn’t, then she’d play the hostage card. She still felt bad lying to L, though. She felt as though this could end badly for her.

“Oh, no,” Naomi said.

“This is not something you need to worry about,” L said. “I just wanted to make you aware. You know better than anyone how dangerous he is, so if he does happen to approach you, I urge you to let me know. However, given his medical state at the moment, I’m sure he’ll be found soon.”

“I’m sure,” Naomi replied. “He, uh, he was hurt pretty badly.”

“That’s all I had to share,” L said. “Thank you again, Naomi Misora.”

“Thank you,” Naomi said and then L hung up.

When Naomi went back into the room, Beyond was waking up slowly. He performed all his morning rituals to piece his skin back together and emerged from the bathroom clothed again in the same cheap clothes Naomi had bought him at the drug store in LA. He dropped down next to Naomi on the bed again and looked at her screen, where the image of Wammy’s website was still glowing-a website that had obviously revealed no real information.

“You didn’t waste any time,” he said but he didn’t say it cheerfully.

“I thought you’d be happy about that,” Naomi said. “After all, if I understand the situation, we’re on a bit of a time crunch to find your friend.”

“I suppose we are,” Beyond said.

“Do you have a plan?” Naomi asked. “To find them?”

“Sort of,” Beyond said. “I have to hack Roger’s computer. Roger’s the guy who runs the place. He’ll have all the files on everyone somewhere and if A did or said anything weird during their classes or therapy sessions, it’d be there. If they’ve already left, it’ll be there, too, so it’s a good place to start. I have to get inside without anyone seeing me or you and have enough time to-” He stopped and looked like he was weighing something. “Or, you know, we could just get Matt. We’d have to bribe him. Hmm but then…” Beyond stopped and Naomi could practically see the cogs turning in his head. “Do you have any paper?” He said.

“There’s a pad on the nightstand,” Naomi said and Beyond turned around and scrambled for it and then started writing. Naomi tried to read his handwriting, all English, and decipher the little drawings he made and the things he scratched out, but it was hard to follow his thought process. She felt a little frustrated that she didn’t know how to help.

After a few minutes, he stood up and tore out the page he’d been writing on, crumpled it into a ball, and flung it across the room.

“I can’t hardly think!” He cried.

“Let me help,” Naomi said and she stood up too. “You said you wanted me to be your partner, right? Explain your thoughts to me.”

Instead of replying, he turned and booked it for the door, cramming his feet into his sneakers and folding the backs down as he went. Naomi hurried to follow him, snatching her jacket and his ball cap off the bed.

“Hold on,” she cried.

He went all the way to the front door of the hotel and pushed out, Naomi behind him. He started fast down the sidewalk, the sun high above them and the unfamiliar city around them bustling.

“Where are you going?!” Naomi demanded, still pulling her leather jacket over her shoulders.

“I can’t think,” he said again.

“Cover your face, we're on the run, you know,” she said and slapped the ball cap on his head. He pulled it down over his eyes.

They reached a small park, surrounded by concrete, and Beyond dropped down onto a metal bench. Naomi stopped, standing in front of him. She took a breath and threw her hands out. Beyond looked at the ground.

“What’s the deal?” She said, trying to catch her breath. He leaned over his knees and put his head in his hands and was quiet. After a minute, she put her arms down and then finally, she dropped down onto the bench next to him.

They sat in silence for a while.

“Why did you come to see me?” Beyond finally asked. He sat up and stared forward, his face blank.

“L told me to,” Naomi said.

“Yeah, right,” Beyond scoffed. “It would have been ruder had he just sent a letter. Or not said anything at all. Having nice messages hand delivered isn’t really L’s style.”

“Fine,” Naomi said. “You’re right. I just, I was curious about you. I told him I wanted to see you so he said to just take the message when I went,” Naomi said.

“Huh,” Beyond said and he was quiet. Then, a second later, he said, “so it was easier for him that way. Almost no work at all. He’s saying I don’t matter to him at all because he put almost no work into delivering this message.”

“Beyond,” Naomi groaned. “You’re obsessing. I can promise you L did not think about it this deeply.”

“But that’s the insult, that he didn’t think about it deeply,” Beyond said.

Naomi rubbed her temples.

“It also could be seen as a kind message up front, but he knows nothing would make me angrier,” Beyond continued, throwing his hands up. His face betrayed him finally and he frowned deeply and shuddered. “I don’t want his kindness . And worse! I don’t want to be his successor!! I’m submissive to no one!!”

“I know,” Naomi said. “You’re overanalyzing it. What happened to thinking about the plan?

“You also only told me on your second visit, which means that it was an afterthought to him.”

“ Beyond .”

Finally, Beyond was quiet. He hadn’t looked at her through the entire conversation, but she’d been studying his face the whole time. He was fighting to make sure she saw nothing there.

“I hate England,” he said. “I always wanted to get out of here.”

“Well,” Naomi said. “We’ll be gone soon.”

Beyond kicked his feet out and scuffed the toes of his sneakers on the pavement.

“Can you think now?” Naomi asked.

“One more question,” Beyond said. “If you could know. When you were gonna die. If someone could tell you. Would you want to know?”

Naomi thought this over for a second and then finally shook her head.

“No,” she said. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Really?” Beyond said and he turned over to look at her and she was surprised to see his face turning red and his eyes getting swollen. “Why??”

Naomi shrugged.

“I think a lot of people wouldn’t want to know,” she said. “It doesn’t seem right to know that kind of stuff. I’d rather just live my life without having to think about it. Where did this question come from??”

“Just food for thought,” Beyond said and then he pulled himself to his feet wearily and rubbed at his face. Naomi stood as well, her eyes on him.

“When do you want to go to the house?” She asked and Beyond sighed deeply.

“Tonight,” he said. “Or tomorrow night.” And then he looked at her. “What do you think, Naomi Misora?” Beyond asked. His eyes were dark and he looked a little hollowed out, like if there were any place in the world he didn’t want to be, it was here. Well, here, and solitary confinement.

“I think we’ll go whenever our plan is solid,” Naomi said and then she searched for words to lighten the heaviness in his eyes. “Banquet... Benefactor.”

“What??” Beyond said.

“Your name,” Naomi said. “You always say my full name, but yours is ridiculous. I’m making a joke.”

She thought for a second that she’d offended him because he was quiet but then, his mouth twitched upward and he said, “Normal Mitigation.”

“Balloon Bountiful.”

“Nesting Moreover.”

“Believe B-” Naomi stopped and the air around her froze. The next second lasted five whole years and neither of them took a breath. The ending of that name had been ‘Bridesmaid’. “Uh,” Naomi said.

There was another dead second in which they stared at each other and held their breath and then, Beyond said, “Noteworthy Milkweed” and then Naomi snorted and the tension broke just enough for her to breathe again.

She was actually getting to like him, this bizarre person, this serial killer. He’d killed people. He killed Believe Bridesmaid, and Quarter Queen, and Backyard Bottomslash. He’d poked eyes out of skulls, cut limbs off of bodies. She could not become friends with Beyond Birthday. She couldn’t pity him, especially not for living with the consequences of his own actions. She was helping him because there was a gun to her head and as soon as this A person was safe, Beyond would go right back to prison and he’d gather dust there and Naomi would move on with her life. She instantly made another rule, to accompany the first one she’d given Beyond. Number One, don’t touch me. Number Two, do not under any circumstances, become friends with Beyond Birthday. She decided that she’d stick to that no matter what.

Back at the hotel, Beyond kicked off his shoes and pulled off his hat and then, he picked up the blankets on the bed and climbed under them and curled up into a ball.

Naomi waited for him to do something else, but he didn’t.

“Beyond?” She said. He didn’t answer.

She approached his curled up form on the bed.

“Are you alright?”

“We’ll go tomorrow,” Beyond said from under the blankets. “I’ll have it sorted by then.”

“Why?” Naomi said. He didn’t answer again. “Beyond?”

“Leave me alone,” Beyond said. Naomi frowned deeply.

“What happened??” She said. “What are you doing?”

“I said leave me alone,” Beyond said.

“I can’t keep up with your mood swings, you know,” Naomi said. “You have to talk to me.”

When Beyond didn’t respond, Naomi threw her hands up in the air.

“What about your friend??” She cried. “Are we or are we not on a time crunch?!”

Beyond stayed in bed and wouldn’t answer.

Naomi left for lunch and then again for dinner and when she came back that evening, he was up, leisurely painting his fingernails black, picking at the cold fries she’d brought back for him earlier. His curly hair stuck up in all directions, untamed bedhead.

“Where did you get that?” Naomi asked when she walked in, the acidic smell of nail polish hitting her like a wall. Beyond didn’t even look up.

“Your bag,” he said.

“You can’t just take my stuff,” Naomi said. Beyond finally looked up and smiled at her sheepishly.

“Sorry,” he said. “I needed a pick-me-up.”

“Well,” Naomi said. “Have you been picked up?”

“I have.” He blew on his left hand and then started in on his right.

“You want to explain to me what happened to you?”

“I used to have this nail polish back at Wammy’s that was this sort of iridescent black, you know? Me and Able used up the bottle and I haven’t been able to find any of it since,” Beyond said, ignoring her question.

Naomi sat down on the bed gingerly and set her purse down.

“Anyway, the night we ran out of it, A snuck out and raided this drug store and got all the iridescents they could find. I don’t know if they paid for them or if they stole them, but we painted each nail a different color that night.” He smiled and admired his hand, the paint wet. He smiled like he was in a different world, like the memory had taken him someplace else. “It was so much fun.”

“That sounds like fun,” Naomi said gently.

“Give me your hand,” he instructed.

“Your nails are still wet, though,” she said.

“I’ll be careful.”

She did as he said and he began to layer black paint over her nails one by one with painstaking care despite the fact that his hands were kind of shaky.

“I always thought black was the best color,” he mused. “It’s my favorite.”

“Me too,” Naomi said.

“It looks good on you,” he said, his eyes trained on her hand. He still sounded distant, in some sort of foggy memory, some place happier. “The black leather, the skinny jeans. You’re very intimidating. And that’s good, you know. Good that people are intimidated by you. That’s what you should want.”

Naomi waited while Beyond painted each one of her fingernails. He stayed quiet and took care to do them nice, holding her hand gently, almost ridiculously delicately, in his own. It was the first time she’d let him touch her. She’d broken her first rule, she realized, and not even a few days after having made it.

When he was done, he looked up and spoke and he was present now, the happy memory he’d lived in put aside.

“I’ve got our plan,” he finally said and looked into her eyes. “I’ve got it.”

Chapter Text

Able liked to save things. They liked to collect. At the end of every school year, Beyond would burn all the homework he’d done, but Able would keep it all in a box under their bed. They were putting away their papers and Beyond was trying to strike a match in their bedroom, both of them sitting on the floor together, when Beyond asked them the same question he’d asked Naomi.

“Able,” Beyond said and he held up the first paper-an essay on criminology. He put the edge into the flame and watched it eat the paper up. When it got too close to his fingers, he dropped it onto the hardwood floor and watched it become ash.

“Bee,” Able said. Able knew Beyond hated his codename. Between them, they’d changed it. Bee, like the letter, but also like the round, soft bugs. Beyond had always liked bees. They struck him as kind little creatures. It also struck him as kind and soft that Able would call him something different, even when the rest of the home called him by his official codename.

Able’s hair was clipped back out of their eyes with a blue flower clip, which Beyond remembered specifically because they always wore it, and they were stacking their papers. Shoeboxes upon shoeboxes full of filed information sat under the bed like burdens, like Able held every success and every failure from every year that passed and didn’t let it go. Able didn’t let much go.

“If someone could tell you when you’d die,” Beyond said. “Would you want to know?” He lit another paper and watched it go.

Able prepared the next shoebox. They put the year on the side in Sharpie.

“Duh,” they said. “Wouldn’t anyone?”

“I dunno,” Beyond said. “I guess so.”

“Would you want to know?” Able asked.

“Maybe,” Beyond said. “Maybe not.” He looked up at Able and dropped the burning paper. Words floated above Able’s head, and numbers. They were red and they floated in the air gently, like feathers. Beyond knew no one else could see them. He didn’t know what this made him, what it meant about him. He did know what the numbers meant, though. He’d always known somehow. And he hadn't been wrong yet. “What if it was really short?”

“Then I’d definitely want to know,” Able said. “Gotta make the most of my time, you know?”

“You already make too much of your time,” Beyond said. “You work too hard. I mean, wouldn’t it stress you out to know?”

“I don’t think so,” Able said. “I’d just have context, you know? I could plan my life around it, make sure I did all the things I wanted to do.”

“Sure,” Beyond said. He burned another paper.

“You didn’t answer the question yet, Bee,” Able said and then they crammed the papers into the prepared shoebox and set the shoebox in it’s designated spot under their bed. “Would you want to know?”

Beyond struck another match. He knew Roger would yell at him for doing this. Roger yelled about a lot of things, though. Beyond didn’t really care.

“Yeah,” he said. “Uh, but only if I could know when everyone else was dying, too. I’d want to know if I’d die soon after the people I loved or not. Or if I’d have to live after them.”

“And if you couldn’t know anyone else?” Able said. Beyond stared thoughtfully at the match.

“Still yes, actually,” he said. “I’d like to know when it’ll end. I’d like to have a little something to look forward to.”

“Morbid, Bee,” Able said and Beyond laughed.

Able’s name was Ashley Cordello. Beyond had watched the letters swim over their head for years.

Chapter Text

Naomi and Beyond spent the next day sightseeing like Beyond had wanted to do. Naomi protested a little because Beyond got tired easily, but he swore that he’d save enough energy for Operation: Hack Roger. He dragged her to Big Ben, the London Eye, and Buckingham Palace. Then, he’d taken her on an impromptu ghost tour, popping into ancient pubs where he swore to have seen demons, and even to see all the places Jack the Ripper had killed people.

“This is in bad taste,” Naomi said. “ You’re a serial killer, you know. I feel like I have to keep reminding you of this.”

“No, no, I know,” Beyond said and he grinned mischievously at her. “And now we’re here following Jack the Ripper! It’s meta, right?”

“You don’t take concept of having actually killed real people very seriously,” she said.

“I think I take it more seriously than you think,” Beyond said and he refused to elaborate, so Naomi dropped it. Minutes later, he was telling her a story about how he had definitely seen a ghost in this bookstore and Naomi listened, feeling like she’d never completely understand him.

She sent Raye pictures of the sights, with Beyond cropped out, of course. He texted back, enthused about them.

“You guys don’t talk that much,” Beyond said. He was walking on the edge of the street, his feet balancing on the space where the sidewalk ended, his arms out on either side for balance. He was having a very hard time balancing.

“We do, too,” Naomi said.

“He’s not right for you,” Beyond said and he stumbled into the street. He jumped back up on the corner and tried again.

“You can keep it to yourself, Birthday,” Naomi said and then she sighed. “Your name is so ridiculous, it makes my threatening statements ten times less threatening.” Beyond just laughed and then he fell again dizzily.

“I’m just saying,” he said. “I think I know you, Naomi-er, Nighttime Maximum. This Raye dude just isn’t good enough.” He hopped off the edge of the sidewalk and back onto solid ground and began walking backwards in front of her. He grinned cheesily.

“Then who is, Butter Boxcar?” Naomi scoffed and folded her arms. “You?” Beyond laughed again.

“I’d marry you, Misora,” he said. “For tax benefits, you know? Strictly platonic.”

“Of course,” Naomi said.

“But you wouldn’t want to marry me,” Beyond said.

“Bingo.”

“Shame,” Beyond said and he turned around so he was walking next to her. “How terrible that you’re rejecting my proposal. We’d make such a cute couple. Our wedding colors could be all black.”

They walked for another minute in quiet and then Beyond said, “He knows your favorite color, right?”

“Why are you so worried about this?” Naomi said. “I’m not actually going to marry you.”

“Of course not,” Beyond said. “I’m not going to live long enough to be married anyway. After this, I’m getting the death sentence, remember?”

“So why are you so concerned.”

“Because you’re my friend!” Beyond said. “You should be with someone who’ll make you happy. So tell me, does he know your favorite color?”

“Yes,” Naomi said.

“Ask him,” Beyond said. “Ask him right now.”

Naomi stopped. Beyond walked a few more steps and then stopped and turned to her.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said.

“Ask him!” Beyond insisted.

“If he says wrong, it doesn’t matter.”

“Ask!”

Obstinate and angry, Naomi pulled out her phone and texted Raye.

He didn’t know her favorite color.

“I see,” Beyond said but he didn’t go on. Naomi supposed he had the sensitivity to know that she didn’t want this rubbed in her face right now.

She lasted a few more blocks before a tear spilled down her cheek and she swiped it off her face fast before Beyond could see.

Beyond continued to try to walk on the corner of the sidewalk and continued to fall. At one point, he ran directly into a streetlamp and Naomi grabbed him and yanked him back onto the sidewalk.

He rubbed his forehead, grumbling.

“Who knew you were so clumsy,” Naomi said. Beyond muttered something bitterly. “What?” Naomi said.

“I’m losing my eyesight,” he said. “So, you know. There goes depth perception.”

Naomi started at him, her mouth open.

“What?” She said again.

“Just in this eye,” he said and he pointed to his left eye. He crammed his hands into his pockets now, looking angry and glaring at the ground. “It’s going kind of slow. They told me it’d probably happen, because of the fire.”

The scars on Beyond’s face reached up his cheek and danced dangerously close to his eye. Naomi could see how that would have left some damage.

“So my depth perception is going,” Beyond added and then he shook his head angrily and rubbed at his face. “My eyes are really important to me, you know,” he continued awkwardly.

“Well, I’d say most people’s eyes are important to them,” Naomi said. “I understand. Is the other one okay?”

“It should be, yeah,” Beyond said. “But, man, blind in one eye?” He scoffed. “Life is just never done with me.” He kicked at the pavement, his sneaker scuffing.

“You never mentioned this,” Naomi said.

“To be honest, Misora, I’m trying very hard to pretend like a lot of things in my life aren't happening right now.”

“I’m sorry,” Naomi said.

“It’s fine,” Beyond said. “After all, I should be dead pretty soon, so it’ll be alright.” He threw his head back and laughed and Naomi frowned at him. Then, he stopped in front of yet another storefront and pointed excitedly. “This place? Absolutely chock full of ghosts!” Naomi heaved a breath and listened to him talk about his ghost-hunting escapades with Able and wondered if she’d ever be able to piece him together in her mind.

Wammy’s House at night was frightening. The building loomed higher than it appeared to in the pictures. When they arrived, Naomi looked out of the corner of her eye at Beyond. He was wiping off his cheeks, like she’d suspected.

“This place does things to me,” he muttered. “This whole country. I hate it.” He heaved a breath. “That damn… Bell tower.”

“What about it?” Naomi asked.

“I just hate it, that’s all,” Beyond said.

They stared at Wammy’s a little while longer until Beyond managed to stop crying and then he pulled his ball cap down further on his face and readied himself.

“I have something to tell you before you go in,” Naomi said, her eyes still on the looming building before them. “Just a little something to give you some spring in your step.”

“Oh?” Beyond said. “Good news?”

“For you, yes,” Naomi said.

“Oo!” Beyond said. “My first good news in months!”

“I realized recently that I have met L. After what you told me about him, I put it together. He didn’t tell me who he was, you know? But anyway, the first thing I did when I met him was punt him down a set of concrete stairs.” Naomi finally looked over to see his expression.

Beyond was delighted.

“No!” He cried.

“Yes,” Naomi said. “I thought you’d like that.” Beyond burst into loud laughter and bent over, his hands on his knees.

“And here I thought nothing in the world would make me like you more, Misora,” Beyond said through his laughter, which was a surprising statement to Naomi because she hadn’t imagined that Beyond liked her that much.

“He sort of had it coming,” Naomi said.

“Oh, that and more!!” Beyond said and he stood up, wiping tears of laughter off his face. He was grinning big at the mental image of L flying down a set of stairs. “Thank you for this good news, Naomi.”

“Of course, Beyond. Now go in there and kick butt.”

Chapter Text

Roger’s office was in the very back of the Wammy’s House building and the only way to reach it was to go through the front door and walk through the main hall, a giant and grand room full of stained glass and tables where the kids would sit after classes or to eat meals or play games. Roger’s office and computer were also under a ton of security. Not only would Beyond have to make it there at all, but he’d also have to get Matt, the only person who could continuously get past Roger’s firewalls, to hack and search the computer and then to keep quiet about the whole thing. It was a very delicate operation.

Naomi was a bit of a plan b. If something went wrong, she wouldn’t be far away, ready to jump in and defend Beyond if need be, or pull a fire alarm, or create a distraction.

She watched Beyond approach the building from the gate. They’d bought little walkie-talkie sort of things earlier, little earpieces with a microphone that stuck out the side like something from a spy movie.

“Naomi,” Beyond’s voice was in her ear. She leaned further into the shadows, watching the building from the other side of the street. “Come in, Misora Massacre.”

“Copy that, Bedazzled Boxwood.”

Beyond giggled.

“You’d better keep quiet,” Naomi said. “You got one shot at this, you know.”

“I know, I know.”

Naomi felt helpless on the other side of the street. She leaned against the cold bricks of a building, her arms folded and a beanie pulled over her hair, and watched his shadowy form pick the lock on the door. She could hear him breathing and muttering to himself occasionally.

“You’re doing great, Beyond,” she said once she saw the door shut behind him.

“Copy that,” he whispered.

“Hush up and just listen,” Naomi said.

She heard shuffling and she started to circle the building. She had to be close enough, attentive enough, to help if need be.

A few minutes passed.

“How’s it going?” Naomi asked.

“Fine,” Beyond whispered.

There was a little more shuffling, a few more minutes, and then Naomi heard something else.

“Backup??” It was a kid’s voice. Naomi froze where she had been pacing in the shadows and pressed her earpiece closer to her ear.

“Oh, shit,” Beyond said. “Mello.”

“Beyond??” Naomi said. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Beyond said.

“Doesn’t look fine,” Mello said.

“I’m not talking to you,” Beyond said.

“What?” Mello said.

“Beyond, what’s going on??” Naomi demanded.

“Gah! Uh,” Beyond said.

“Backup, I thought I’d never see you again,” the kid, Mello, said. “Where have you been?”

Backup? Naomi thought. What a nickname.

“I, uh, took a trip,” Beyond said. There was a click and then silence.

“Holy shit ,” Mello said. “Your face.”

Yikes, Naomi thought.

“Backup, what happened to you?” Mello said quietly. He sounded heartbroken.

“You’re too little to say shit,” Beyond said. “Go wash your mouth out with soap.”

“You have to tell me what happened,” Mello said. “ Please .”

“I will,” Beyond said. “I will. Just, uh, I need Matt.”

“You need to get into Roger’s computer again?”

“Ha ha, uh…”

“I can get him. He’ll do it if I ask. But I’ll only get him if you promise to tell me what happened.”

“Fine, sure. I’ll give you the whole sob story, you could write a book. Just, I don’t have much time.”

“I’ll be right back.”

There was a second’s pause and then Beyond let out a heavy breath.

Naomi was still in the shadows.

“Beyond, what’s going on,” she said.

“Well, uh, I turned off the wifi and the electricity to Matt’s room, like we said,” he said. “Which, you know, would ordinarily have him down here in a second, right? He plays video games all night, I know he does.”

“Sure,” Naomi said dryly.

“But his friend came instead.”

“I thought you said this plan was foolproof. I trusted you that this plan was airtight!”

“It is!” Beyond cried a little too loud.

“Shush!”

“I just-oh, hold on, they’re back.”

“Backup??” Said another voice, his accent distinctly American despite living in Winchester. “Holy fuck, what happened to your face ? Daaaamn, you look like fucking Freddy Krueger.”

These kids were not pulling punches. Maybe not being able to control your mouth was a prerequisite for living at Wammy’s because it sure seemed to be a pattern.

“Nice to see you, too, Matt,” Beyond said.

“Where have you been, dude, everyone’s been talking!! Someone said they heard you were in prison!”

“Well, do I look like I’m in prison?”

“No, but-”

“Matt, please, please, I need you to focus for me. Please.”

“First Able, now you-”

“Shut up !!”

There was silence for a minute. Naomi pressed the receiver closer to her ear. What was he talking about?

“I, ugh, Matt, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to yell.”

The first boy, Mello, spoke again.

“Matt, look, just help him. For me.”

“Yeah, right, dude. Sure. What happened to you?? Like, seriously?? And your hair, dude, I thought you said you’d never cut your hair.”

“Mello can tell you all about it later.”

“Matt, do it for me,” Mello said.

There was a pause and some shuffling and then Matt spoke again.

“I’m doing this for Mello, alright? Because for whatever reason, he likes your dumb ass.”

“Thank you!! Thank you, Matt! You know what, I always said you two were good eggs.”

“Save it, Backup.”

There was more shuffling, the opening and closing of doors. Beyond continued to thank them.

“How’s it looking, Beyond?” Naomi said.

“Good,” Beyond said. “Super good!”

“From the looks of it, you’ve never been lucky a day in your life, so it sounds like someone’s finally up there looking out for you,” Naomi said.

Beyond didn’t answer.

“Okay,” Mello said. “While Matt’s working, you talk.”

“How much time do we have?”

“Matt says maybe fifteen minutes.”

“Alright,” Beyond said and Naomi sat on the sidewalk in the cold and listened to him tell his story through the crackly microphone, her head up against the bricks and her arms around herself.

It was interesting, the things he left out, because he left out quite a bit. In this new story, Beyond was only robbing people, leaving them very much alive but without a penny to their names in order to get the attention of L. He made himself sound a little bit like a hero. He was a good storyteller and Naomi found herself drawn in.

He also mentioned her, a beautiful and mysterious detective sent by L who saw through all his mind games. Naomi was a little flattered. Beyond was doing this on purpose for sure, making her think he really admired her that much. He was trying to get on her good side. Well, it wouldn’t work.

“And then what happened?” Mello said.

“And then,” Beyond said. “There was a terrible fire. I was supposed to die, you know? That was part of the puzzle. But, uh, she saved me.” He didn’t sound happy.

“Oh,” Mello said. Then, “you left stuff out. That’s not the whole truth.”

“You’re right,” Beyond said. “But you’re a young and impressionable kid and you shouldn’t be privy to pure madness like this. I made this whole thing PG. Don’t want you to turn out all jacked up like me.”

“You aren’t jacked up, Backup,” Mello said.

“Ha!” Beyond said.

There was a pause.

“You miss Able?” Mello said.

“I don’t want to talk about Able,” Beyond said.

“Wait,” Naomi said, sitting up. “Ask him if he knows anything, ask him if he knows where Able is.”

“You should talk about it,” Mello said. “I mean, maybe it’ll help you get over it.”

There was some shuffling and the microphone hummed loudly.

“Backup, it’s a good thing this lady saved you,” Mello said.

“Mello, could you just shut up. … Ugh. Sorry. But no, no, you’re wrong. She should have let me die. The one dumb thing she ever did in her life.”

“What are you doing , Beyond,” Naomi said. “Cut it out.” She didn’t know what to do. He knew she was listening, after all. Everything he said was tailored for Mello, but also for Naomi. This was like some sort of jab or something.

The bricks under her butt and hands were freezing. It was getting colder and colder the longer they stayed out. It was late September, after all, and Naomi had only really packed for LA in August, not Winchester in autumn.

“Can you hurry up in there? It’s freezing out here,” Naomi said. “Hello? Can you hear me?”

“I can hear you,” Beyond said.

“Hear what?” Mello said.

“I’m not talking to you,” Beyond said. Then, “Look, Mello, you really did a good thing for me here today. But I’m gonna need you guys to keep quiet about it, ok? Roger knows about the stuff I did and if he knows you saw me, he’d have kittens.”

“I can keep quiet,” Mello said.

“Thanks,” Beyond said. Then, “you know, Mello, you really are a cool dude. I always thought that. Don’t let all this Wammy’s stuff get to you and wreck you up like me and Able.”

“I won’t,” Mello said quietly, almost so quietly that Naomi couldn’t hear.

Chapter Text

“Alright,” said Matt’s voice. “You’re clear.”

There was shuffling, Beyond standing up.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Beyond cried.

“Shush,” Naomi said.

There was more shuffling, some clicks.

“I’m at the table now,” Beyond said into the microphone.

“Good job, Beyond,” Naomi said. “Are you downloading the stuff right now?”

Beyond was quiet. There was creaking, probably the chair he was sitting in. Then, there were three hard raps, like a fist on wood, rhythmical. A pause, and then he did it again.

“What are you doing?” Naomi asked. “Is that you?”

“I’m just, um, knocking. I’m checking something,” Beyond said. “The stuff is downloading right now.”

He rapped again, louder.

“You’re going to give yourself away!” Naomi said. “Stop hitting the table!”

Beyond didn’t answer. Naomi asked for confirmation several times, but then, she saw him come out of the front door.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack,” Naomi said into her microphone. “Not answering me.”

“Sorry, Misora,” Beyond said. He reached the wrought iron gate and opened it and stepped out but then he stopped, looking up at the building, his hand on the metal.

Naomi called his name a few times and finally got his attention.

“I’m on my way,” he said.

They met back up at the hotel. Naomi walked in to Beyond stretched out on the floor. She was reminded of another time in which he had laid on the floor and decided to be extra careful this time not to smush his midsection.

She shut the door behind her and took off her jacket and earpiece. Beyond didn’t look over.

“So, Naomi said. “Backup.”

“Don’t,” Beyond said. “It’s not cute.”

“I’m not trying to be cute,” Naomi said. “I’m addressing the elephant in the room.”

Beyond sighed deeply. Instead of answering, he dug around in his pocket and held up a thumbdrive, his arm straight up in the air. Naomi took it from him as she passed.

“This is all the info?”

“All of it.”

Naomi nodded. “You did good.” She reached into her suitcase and pulled out her laptop.

Beyond climbed up off the floor eventually and sat next to her on the bed as they loaded the information.

“You’re going to have to explain to me sooner or later,” Naomi said finally as they waited for the thumbdrive to unload.

“Explain what?” Beyond said.

“What were you ‘checking’?” Naomi asked. “You were knocking on the table. You could have woken someone else up.”

“Oh,” Beyond said. “Well, uh, it was me and Able’s special knock. I just thought… I dunno, I thought maybe…” He trailed off.

His logic made no sense. What did he expect, that Able would hear and burst out of the wallpaper? That they were hiding in there somewhere, waiting for Beyond’s cue?

His cue… Naomi felt a chill go over her. It made no sense. Unless Beyond was doing something underhanded, unless he had lied to her, unless there was someone or something else there in Wammy’s and this knock had been their cue to do something-

Except that didn’t make much sense, either. Who would be waiting? What would Beyond have them do??

“I was just being sentimental,” Beyond added, as if he could read her thoughts. “It was dumb. But being in that place, being here in London at all, it’s weird, you know? Plays with my emotions. That’s all.” He hesitated and then he kept going. “There’s ghosts there, you know. In Wammy’s. It’s like I could look over my shoulder and see A right there with me. It was like stepping back in time.”

“Alright,” Naomi said, but she couldn’t let go of her suspicion that maybe, something was wrong. “And what did that kid mean? ‘First Able, then you.’ You disappeared first.”

Beyond shook his head.

“Honestly?” He said. “Able left first.”

“Really?” Naomi said. “You never mentioned that. I just assumed.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. What other questions do you have?”

Naomi was surprised by his sudden coldness. It was like she was walking a minefield with him sometimes. She didn’t know where to step that was unsafe. It was like she was feeling her way around the edge of a cliff with a blindfold on. There was a giant hole inside him, a canyon, and she danced the edge of it, not knowing what was inside and not knowing where to put her feet next. Every step told her a little more and a little less about the canyon. He was a puzzle with no picture. He was a person full of ice.

She’d wanted to ask another question about Able. Mello had said that there was something about them that Beyond needed to ‘get over’. That ‘talking about them will help you get over it’. Naomi didn’t know what they were talking about and she knew at this point, she could feel it in her gut, that Beyond was hiding something from her, but she knew if she pressed, he’d shut down completely, maybe he insist he couldn’t think so he could take an impromptu walk, or spend the evening sitting in a tub of icy water again. She couldn’t press. But it didn’t mean that her suspicions weren’t rising.

Naomi recovered quickly.

“So then you’ve hacked this caretaker before?” Naomi asked.

“Look, we’ve all asked Matt to hack Roger before, it’s not a huge deal,” Beyond said and he shrugged. Naomi nodded, accepting this. She couldn’t tell if he was lying, or what it was that he could be hiding.

“And they, um, they really called you that?” She said quietly. “Backup?”

Beyond sucked in a breath and rubbed at his face, which was answer enough.

“I don’t get it,” Naomi said. “The others got such ordinary names. Matt, Able.”

“It was a poor choice on their part for sure,” Beyond said.

“Well, for what it’s worth, your real name is lovely,” Naomi said gently, trying to warm him up just enough so that they could both forget about the ice inside him, the canyon. Luckily, Beyond laughed.

“I thought you said it was ridiculous, N- hmm. Napalm Midol.” Naomi laughed now, the tension lifted.

“It is, Beehive Ballistic. But it also fits you. There’s something poetic about it.” Beyond smiled at her.

“Thanks,” he said.

A few minutes later, he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. It was a small group photo.

“Almost forgot,” he said. “I was gonna show you this. I found it in Roger’s office.” he said.

Naomi took the picture and squinted at the small faces. It was of a younger Beyond, his skin smooth and unscarred, his hair long and kinky and hanging around his face and his eyes lined in rockstar eyeliner. He was grinning widely at the camera and hanging off the person at his side, a person who fit his description of A. His arms were around their shoulders and chest and they both faced the camera, Beyond’s bony elbows leaning on A’s shoulders and his chin on top of their head. A’s hands were up, their fingers wrapped around his wrists and they were smiling, too.

“Oh,” Naomi said.

“Yeah,” Beyond said and he took the picture back.

They sat there for a while staring at the picture in Beyond’s hands and then Naomi said, “for the record, you don’t look like Freddy Krueger.”

Beyond laughed.

“Thanks,” he said. “Matt’s a little… Dramatic. I didn’t take it to heart. Besides, it’s hard to burn off classic good looks like mine.”

Suddenly, the computer dinged. Everything off the thumbdrive had been downloaded.

You better be telling me the truth, Naomi thought to herself. You better not be lying to me.

Chapter Text

“I gotta tell you something,” Beyond said. He took Able’s hands. Able tried to laugh it off, but the seriousness in Beyond’s face stopped them.

“What is it?” They said.

“I’m gonna prove it, alright?” Beyond said. “But you gotta keep an open mind. Remember that I’m not crazy, Able.”

“Okay,” Able said.

“I’m not crazy!” Beyond said again.

“Alright!” Able said.

They were sitting outside, in the grass in front of the Wammy’s building, watching the clouds in the distance build for rain. They liked to watch storms sometimes, when Roger would let them. Mostly he didn’t care, as long as they didn’t do anything too crazy. The air outside became electric before a storm. It was something you could feel in your very being. Able was a bit of a daredevil sometimes, and Beyond was too, so there was nothing more exciting than sitting outside to feel that electricity. There was nothing more fun than running through the city streets drenched in rain so heavy they could barely see, hand in hand and laughing, until they found a new, interesting place to duck into to wait it all out until Roger begrudgingly sent a car for them. They were both fifteen at the time.

Beyond squeezed their hands and then told them about the funny things he saw over other people’s heads.

Able stared.

“Bee-,” Able said.

“I’m not crazy!!” Beyond cried and he squeezed their hands again desperately. “I’m not, please!”

“Okay, okay,” Able said. “Prove it.”

“Your name is Ashley Cordello,” Beyond said. Able took their hands away from Beyond now, shock and confusion evident on their face.

“Bee,” they said. “What did you do??”

“No, no!” Beyond cried. “I told you, open mind, remember? I didn’t do anything, I can just see your name right there .” He pointed to the space right above Able’s head. They both looked up at it but Beyond knew he was the only one seeing anything at all.

“I’ll make us even,” Beyond said once they’d both looked back down and met each other’s eyes. “My name is Beyond Birthday. Spelled just like the regular words. I know, I know, it’s weird-”

Able interrupted him.

“Wait, wait,” they said. “You expect me to believe this?”

“Because I’m not crazy!!” Beyond cried. “You have to believe me. Please, A, please. I never told anyone this, but I’ve seen it my whole life. I’m the only one, but I always see it.”

Able looked at him and nodded.

“Then prove it,” Able said.

Beyond spent all the time he could proving it. Able showed him photos of suspects from cases they were working on and Beyond rattled off names like a shotgun. Occasionally, he’d see a face with no numbers and he’d tell Able they were dead and Able would check and they were.

“This is unreal,” Able said, their files in their hands. “Bee, I swear on my life, if you’re lying, I’ll push your ass out of the bell tower.”

“I’m not!” Beyond said. “You believe me??”

“I do,” Able said and they shook their head. “Either you’re right or we’ve both lost it.”

Able took the rest of the day to digest the new knowledge they had about their friend. Beyond hovered awkwardly, rubbing at his face and wringing his hands, wondering if he’d made a mistake to share his burden.

The thing was, he’d never told anyone. He’d tried to tell his parents when he was a kid, but they didn’t really believe him, and then they were dead and he was alone with the knowledge again.  

Intimate information, it seemed to him sometimes. Names were something ordinary people gave away so easily, but at Wammys, they were the ultimate secret to everyone but Beyond. As for death dates, there was something awful and personal about looking at someone’s face and knowing instantly how much time they had left on the Earth. Both names and dates were more than Beyond ever wanted to know about anyone he ever met.

He’d often wondered why. Why him. Why that information. What did it mean? What did the universe want from him to make him like this??

After all, it was a crazy secret. It was a world-shattering secret. It was the kind of secret people had in movies when they found out they were the Chosen One or something. ‘Yer a wizard’ kind of secret. Beyond had wished (waited, really) for years for some lovable parental figure to come to him and explain that he was magical and whisk him away to a place with people that were like him and that loved him and that could answer all his questions. He drowned himself in books about magic for years and years, dreaming of the day when his magical destiny would be revealed and he could live on Mochi-Mochi Mountain and have light-hearted magical adventures and learn to be a magician, like Akazukin ChaCha.

Except the older he got, the more this ‘superpower’ didn’t seem Mochi-Mochi Mountain-worthy, or Hogwarts-worthy or Avengers-worthy. It started to feel to Beyond like the strange and sinister curse of some evil demon and maybe he wasn’t the hero in this story, maybe he was the bad guy, or just the victim.

And it made him desperately lonely. There was no one to tell, no one to trust this bizarre secret with. He wanted to be known. He wanted someone to trust with the truth, to share with someone the weird way in which he experienced the world. Because that's the meaning of friendship, right? To really, really be known? As long as this big, painful oddity was kept inside him, he would never really have a best friend and no one in the whole world would know him or understand him. As long as he kept it inside, he’d always be alone.

So this is what had motivated Beyond to share, regardless of whether or not this was a good decision. He just couldn’t take being alone anymore.

That night, after lights out, Able crawled up onto the top bunk with Beyond and sat with him in the dark. They dangled their legs over the side of the bed, leaving their feet to the darkness beneath. Beyond braced himself and tried to think of Mochi-Mochi Mountain.

“When am I going to die?” They asked.

“I dunno if I should tell you,” Beyond said and he hugged himself.

“It’s short, huh,” Able said. They pulled out their flower hair clip and fiddled with it.

“No! No, uh,” Beyond stammered. His anxiety was a dead giveaway.

“So it is short,” Able said and heaved a breath. “Huh.” They snapped the clip open and closed and open and closed. Their hair hung in their face.

“Able, I shouldn’t say anything,” Beyond said.

“I told you,” they said. “That night we had that conversation. I told you if it’s short, I want to know. I want to make the most of my time.”

Beyond scrubbed his face.

“This was a mistake,” he said. “I shouldn’t have told you, it’s not fair.”

“Bee,” Able said. Then, “Beyond.”

Beyond stiffened at the sound of his real name.

“Ashley,” he whispered.

“I have the right to know,” they said. “Why do you get to know and not me?”

“I don’t want to know,” Beyond said and he tried to take a breath, but there was a knot in his throat and he ended up sobbing. “I don’t want to.”

“Can it change?”

Beyond shook his head.

“I don’t think so,” he said through tears. “I never saw it change.”

“When is it?” Able said. Their clip snapped, open and closed. Open and closed. Beyond wanted to take it from their hands and fling it across the room. “A few weeks? A few years?”

Beyond shook his head.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” he was saying. “This was stupid, I was so stupid. I just wanted someone else to know besides me.”

“Bee,” Able begged. “Please, tell me.”

“No,” Beyond said and he cupped his face in his hands and bawled. “No, no.”

Able’s arms wrapped around Beyond’s shoulders and he leaned his head on their shoulder and cried.

“Is it soon?” Able said softly.

Beyond shook his head, refusing to say.

“Look, you said it can’t change, right?” Able said. “So what is it gonna hurt?”

Beyond was still shaking his head. Able squeezed him.

“Bee, listen,” they said. “I deserve to know. Especially knowing that you know already. It’s just not fair.”

Beyond wiped at his face and tried to breathe.

“This way,” Able said. “I can make the most out of my time, Bee. I can be happy for all the time I have.”

Beyond didn’t know what to do. He should have seen this coming. He shouldn’t have been so devastatingly stupid. This was a thought that he would continue to have for the remainder of his life.

“Please, Bee,” Able said. “Please. Please. Let me make the most of my time.”

Beyond stared forward into the dark. If he looked at Able, if he could make out their face, he’d be able to make out those numbers. He didn’t need to look, however. He’d had them memorized for years.

“It’s short,” he gave in because he was so tired of being the only one with the knowledge and he was so tired of feeling alone and feeling scared and he could never lie to Able, he wanted to always make them happy. “It’s short.” He broke into more sobs. Able held him and was completely still and completely quiet.

Chapter Text

Beyond practically tore himself to pieces when Able took their death date hard.

Which only made sense. If Beyond hadn’t been such an idiot, he would have been able to see that. If he’d been a good friend, he would have kept his burden to himself. But instead, he couldn’t keep a secret and he’d let Able smooth-talk him into thinking that it’d actually be good if they knew the truth.

They’d been quiet for a few days. Beyond tried to read their mind, suss out what they were thinking, but they were a much better liar than him and refused to let him in. They ate their meals together in stiff silence and then Able would return to bed immediately after without inviting Beyond to do anything they usually did, like prank Roger or sneak into the city or set the front lawn on fire in the shape of their code letters. They’d cover themself in their blankets and make it clear that they didn’t want to see him. So instead, Beyond sat by himself in the bell tower and beat himself up.

What was Able thinking? Were they scared of their death date now? Did they hate Beyond? Were they scared of him ? Heaven knew that Beyond had spent enough time wondering what this meant about him, if he was something other than human to see what other people didn’t see, and maybe Able was asking the same questions now in disgust with him.

If they left him, Beyond didn’t know what he’d do. Able was all he had in the entire world. Able was his only family, the only person who’d ever cared even a little bit about him after his parents died. If they decided not to be friends with him anymore and left his life, Beyond thought he’d just snap like a rotten rubber band.

That night, once it was late enough, Beyond returned to their bedroom from the bell tower to find Able crying loudly in their bed.

Beyond stood in the door, frozen, and only remembered to shut the door after a few seconds of stunned staring.

Able looked up from where they were bent over their knees, their shoulders shaking.

“Are you okay?” Beyond breathed. Able let out a moan.

“You have no idea,” Able said and Beyond watched them in horror. “You have no idea how much I wish you were just crazy. That I could say that this wasn’t real.”

“Able,” Beyond said, but he barely said it, unable to raise his voice above a whisper. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Able hugged themself and broke into fresh sobs. “I just wish you were wrong. And Roger would just ship you off somewhere! Any other circumstance and you would just be crazy!”

“We can make it stop,” Beyond said. “We can, we can make it change.”

“You said we can’t!!” Able cried. “My whole life is meaningless!”

“Able,” Beyond said. He felt as though someone had shoved something sharp into his gut and was twisting it around. “Able.”

“Why couldn’t this just have been you,” Able fell down onto their bed again and covered their face. “Why couldn’t you just have been nuts, Backup?!”

Beyond couldn’t breathe. He thought he might throw up, or explode. He was shaking.

He ran from the room and out into the yard and then he kept running and he didn’t stop for several minutes, when he leaned over his knees, breathing too heavily and sobbing. He dropped down to the ground and put his face in his hands and wailed.

Once Beyond returned the next morning, Able apologized. They were both hollowed out, empty of tears and exhausted. Beyond had returned covered in dirt and some blood where he’d scraped his knee sitting on the sidewalk by the street. He’d very seriously considered jumping into the ocean because he didn’t swim well, or finding a plane where everyone getting on had the same, suspiciously short dates over their heads, but once the sun had come up, he’d come back to his senses a little and decided to go back.

Able was sitting up, too. Beyond found them in the bell tower and he hesitated, not knowing if Able would want him sitting next to them until they patted the space on the ground by their side. He sat.

“I’m sorry I called you that,” Able said. “That was mean of me. And I’m sorry I said I’d rather you be crazy and get shipped off.”

“I mean, I’d rather me be crazy too,” Beyond said. “I’m sorry I told you. I should have shut up.”

Able heaved a sigh and shook their head.

“No,” they said. “No, don’t be sorry. Like I said, I can plan out my life now. I can do everything I want. I have the exact date, who else can say that? This is… It’s good.” They didn’t sound convincing.

For a long time, they sat together in silence and then Able spoke again.

“Don’t worry, Bee,” Able said and they forced a smile. “I’ll haunt you.”

“Don’t joke like that,” Beyond said. “We’re gonna change it.”

“I’m excited to be a ghost,” Able continued. “Floating and stuff. I’ll scare the heck out of you, Bee.” They laughed and it sounded a little forced.

Beyond didn’t want to talk about this, but he finally let go because he didn’t know what else to do.

“Alright, fine,” he said and he traced a circle in the dust between them with his finger and spoke softly, a knot growing in his throat. “What will you do to prove to me that it’s you and not some other ghost?”

“I’ll…,” Able thought hard. “I’ll knock on the wall,” they said. “Like this.” And they rapped on the wood floor three times rhythmically.

“I’ll knock back,” Beyond whispered.

“You better,” Able said. “That’ll be our ghost language, once I’m dead.”

Beyond choked and let out a sob and clapped his hands around his mouth and Able leaned over and held him while he cried.

Chapter Text

If Able had left first, then why would Beyond insist they go back to the orphanage and look for them there? If they’d left first, then how would the therapists have any sort of information on them that Beyond didn’t have? If Able had left first, then why had they done any of this at all?? She hadn’t just assumed wrong, she realized as she thought back on the things he’d said. He’d purposefully led Naomi to believe that Able could still be there, that they hadn’t left, but then he’d told her that they already had. Naomi’s brain was a pretzel at this point from trying to sort out his twisted lies and the things he was refusing to say. She was starting to get the feeling that she was wearing a blindfold at the edge of a canyon-except that Beyond was leading her around the edge and just waiting to push her in. And she was all-too-happily following him.

Upon arriving in England, Naomi had decided that she was going to prepare a backup plan, a way to outthink Beyond in case he double crossed her. Since the mission to Wammy’s, she hadn’t had time to put any more of that plan together. But the more time she spent with him, the more she was realizing that it was a necessity. She could not let him know more than her. She couldn’t let him have the upperhand and she wouldn’t be played.

The thumbdrive had very little usable information. They had the entirety of Wammy’s House’s information and yet Able’s real name and picture wasn’t even listed. But, like Beyond had said, there was a little bit of helpful commentary and suddenly, Naomi felt a little bad for not trusting him. Emphasis on a little .

Turns out, Wammy’s had been trying to find A and had listed the leads they’d had. It was all encrypted, of course, but it was a great place to start. Beyond took the computer and began clicking away thoughtfully. They were still sitting together on the edge of the bed in the drab hotel room, the computer in their laps and the yellow bedside lamp making shadows around the room.

“I’m no Matt,” he said. “But I think you and me together can unlock this. It’s not as intense as the firewalls.” She leaned over his shoulder and together, they began to try to crack the encryption.

A few minutes into the puzzle and Naomi spoke up.

“So,” she said coldly and she typed in a few lines of code. “Are we going to talk about how you blatantly lied to me about Able or are you just going to clam up again?”

Beyond fidgeted and began tracing a key on the keyboard with one compression gloved finger.

“I didn’t want to lie to you,” he said. “The thing is this.” Great, Naomi thought. More Beyond Birthday brand bullshit. Can’t wait for him to contradict himself again in an hour. “When Able, uh… Left. It was a big deal for me. It’s sort of one of the things I’m trying to forget. So the truth is that yes, I lied to you, but it was a little white lie so I could avoid thinking about it for a few minutes. I mean, we still needed the same information, right? Nothing changed. I just… I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s not good enough,” Naomi said. Beyond clicked away at the computer now, furiously trying to look concentrated. Naomi harrumphed and took one of his hands off the keyboard. Awkwardly, he stopped and looked up at her sheepishly. “I’ve been listening to you brush me off and say you ‘don’t want to talk about it’ for, like, a week now, Beyond. You can’t keep things from me, okay? Nothing. Maybe if you weren’t a highly dangerous person, you’d have the privilege of privacy, but you threw that away in LA. Are you hearing me? I can’t trust you, especially if I’m going to keep finding things out like this.”

“I’m sorry,” Beyond said quietly.

“Yeah, I bet you are,” Naomi said bitterly.

“Really,” Beyond said. “I am.”

“So tell me what happened. Tell me the whole truth about Able right now.”

Beyond wrung his hands and then scrubbed his face.

“Uh,” he said.

“Come on,” Naomi said. “Better sooner than later.”

“Well…” Beyond said. “We, um… Fought. Sort of. And they left. That was in April.”

This struck Naomi. April?! It was only September. For some reason, she still felt like Able was some sort of ancient history for Beyond, part of a childhood. To be reminded that Beyond had been living at Wammy’s with this Able kid only six months ago was jarring.

“Wait, fast,” Naomi said. “Beyond, how old are you?”

“Oh,” Beyond said. “Nineteen. But I’m twenty in March.”

Naomi wanted to jump up and scream. He was nineteen ?! Nineteen years old?!

“Why, how old are you??” Beyond said.

“Twenty one,” Naomi said. Which, in reality, wasn’t much older than him, but nineteen just seemed particularly young to run away and stage a complex set of serial murders, attempt suicide, get arrested, and then break out again. She tried to dam up the ocean of pity and horror that washed over her.

“Ah,” Beyond said sagely. “You can buy drinks in the US.”

Holy crap. He couldn’t even buy alcohol.

Naomi wanted to continue internally screaming over Beyond’s age, but he was just starting to open up about Able and she had to take advantage of it.

“It’s a thrilling privilege,” she said dryly. “Now what were you saying? You fought and they left?”

“Well, yeah,” Beyond said. “That’s about it.”

“That is not it,” Naomi said. “Elaborate. I don’t want anymore surprises.”

Beyond looked down at the computer keys and then he ran a hand through his short curls.

“They wanted to run away. Us two. But I didn’t want to yet. So they left without me. I figured Roger and everyone was looking for them and would put the info here. We’d had our plan since before they left. The L plan, you know? I told A they didn’t have to worry because mine would work, that they wouldn’t have to blow up Wammy’s. But they said they were gonna be prepared. It wouldn’t be clever, you know? This whole explosion thing. It’d make him mad, sure, which is worth a lot, but… Nothing’s like beating him at his own game. The explosion one was sort of a last ditch ‘we’ll never need this’ kind of plan b.” He stopped and laughed for a second. “A plan B. Get it?”

Naomi got it.

“Are you leaving anything out this time?” She said. He shook his head.

“I want you to trust me, Naomi,” he said. “It’s just hard because me and Able had such a falling out and I never thought I’d see them again. And it’s… It’s painful. I like to pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Are they gonna want to see you?” Naomi asked gently. “Will they fight?”

Beyond swallowed.

“I dunno,” he said. “But either way, I’m their only shot.”

They were halfway through the encryption, but it was way past late and Beyond was absolutely exhausted, so they decided to take a break and sleep and work more in the morning.

Naomi thought that’d be it until she woke up to see Beyond using her laptop again. The glow lit up his tired face from across the room and Naomi felt that something was wrong.

“Hey,” she said. “What are you doing?”

Beyond looked up at her.

“Oh,” he said. “I’m reading TMZ.”

Naomi pushed her face back into her pillow for a minute.

“Beyond,” she said. “Don’t you think you can read the tabloids tomorrow? By the light of day?”

“Mhmm,” Beyond muttered and he typed something into the computer and then scrolled a little, looking intensely focused.

“What are you even reading about? Most of that stuff is made up anyway,” Naomi said.

“Actors on one of my favorite TV shows. They’re adopting a kid.”

“If you stay up all night doing this, you’ll be exhausted in the morning. You’re already exhausted.”

It occurred to Naomi as she was saying this that maybe, Beyond was lying again.

This struck her and she didn’t really want to believe it. If he was lying, it meant that whatever he was doing right now was bad. It meant he was going behind her back somehow, that he had to sneak her computer while she slept to do something underhanded. It meant he had other motives, that he hadn’t come completely clean earlier. It meant that he had tricked her and was currently tricking her.

“Just one more minute,” Beyond said.

Naomi tried to think of ways that she could see his screen right now. Of course, he’d wipe whatever he was doing from the computer by the time he handed it back to her and he wouldn’t neglect to fill the search history with actual tabloid links in order to avoid suspicion. He may be friendly with her and he may act all cute with his sense of humor and his passionate geekiness, but Naomi knew Beyond. He was slippery.

“Well, let me read with you,” Naomi said and she got up as fast as she could and joined him, trying to move fast enough that he wouldn’t be able to delete any windows.

By the time she sat down next to him, there really was only a few tabs of articles open on the screen.

He looked over at her.

“You think I’m lying,” Beyond said.

“No,” Naomi said unconvincingly.

“What do you think I’d be doing?” He asked. Naomi let out a breath.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I just, I’m keeping an eye on you. You said you think I’m clever, right? Well how clever would I be just to let you run wild without a short leash?”

A second passed and then Beyond laughed, which wasn’t what Naomi had expected him to do.

“You’ve got a point,” he said. “Well, read these articles with me if you want to.”

“Why did you get up in the middle of the night to do this?” Naomi asked. Beyond shifted.

“You know I haven’t been sleeping too good,” he admitted awkwardly and Naomi suddenly felt like the world’s worst person. Of course he was trying to quietly distract himself from nightmares of being on fire. And she had suspected him of doing something underhanded, had all but accused him of it. She leaned her head back on the headboard.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have trusted you.”

“No,” Beyond said. “You’re right, you shouldn’t. I’m a criminal, after all. Don’t close your eyes for a second around me, Naomi.” He grinned at her, friendly and forgiving. Naomi laughed.

“I gotta sleep with one eye open,” she said. “You’re a slippery one.” Beyond laughed now too.

“Watch out,” he said teasingly. “I’m absolutely out of my mind, you know. Just wildly crazy.”

It was stupid, how she was starting to feel about him. He was a liar and a monster and when she reminded herself of the things he’d done, her stomach turned. But part of her still wished she could be his friend. She wished for a world in which he was a better person and they could be partners. He was confusing and horrific and endearing and charming and the back and forth between them was so natural, like they were meant to be friends. She hated him for it.

Chapter Text

Naomi was thinking about a comment Beyond had made the other day. ‘I’m trying very hard to pretend like a lot of things in my life aren't happening right now,’ he’d said. Was he trying to forget that his friend was in danger? That his plan to foil L had failed? That it was very probable that the death sentence was waiting for him? That he’d burned his skin to the point where it melted and cracked and hurt to move? More things he was neglecting to tell her?? Naomi supposed there was lots of things he could be wanting to forget about.

She was thinking about this because she’d realized that maybe she was doing something a little similar. During the same conversation, Beyond had noticed that she didn’t talk to Raye much. It was very easy not to talk to Raye or think about Raye when she was halfway around the world locked into some sort of crazy battle/rescue mission with the bizarre Beyond Birthday. So maybe there were some things she was avoiding, too.

She was out that morning at a little cafe across the street in London, having woken up before Beyond, as usual. She was taking advantage of the peace and quiet to think and nibbling on a few scones, shivering in the cold morning air.

She was starting to realize that maybe she was looking at the beginning of the end of her relationship with Raye Penber. After all, if she really loved Raye, she wouldn’t dread thinking about him. If she wanted what he wanted, it wouldn’t give her stress dreams about losing her identity. So this just wouldn’t work it. It just wouldn’t. And one day, she’d have to gather up the energy and the courage and go to him and tell him that same thing to his face.

But she didn’t have to do it now. She could process. She could take her time. And she could run away from all her problems with Beyond.

She’d gone with him too easy, after all. There were a hundred reasons for her to want to be with him, but this last puzzle piece seemed to sink the entire picture into place. She wanted to do some good and help Beyond save his friend, maybe redeem himself as much as he can possibly be redeemed. She wanted closure on that traumatizing case and she wanted to end her knawing obsession with Beyond. And… She wanted to run away from Raye. She wanted to leave her problems behind and forget for as long as she could, even if that meant sharing hotel rooms with the strangest and sometimes scariest person she’d ever met in her life and following him to the corners of the world. That way, she didn’t have to think about how her life was at a terrible crossroads and that she was going to have to choose the most difficult path. She didn’t have to think about how after this, her life's plans dried up and everything from here on out would be discovered while stumbling in the dark.

Not to mention the debacle with the FBI, which she’d never mentioned to Beyond. Technically, that was all over and done with now and as soon as she was done here and went back to the states, shed be reinstated. But she couldn't really get it out of her head. She didn’t know if she ever would.

In this way, maybe Beyond was just a means to an end for her. She could use all his nonsense to escape.

When she returned, Beyond was awake and finishing the work they’d started on her computer. She was reminded of the previous night and how she hadn’t trusted him with her computer. Did she now? She supposed she did, except, well, maybe not. She got the nagging feeling that there were still things he was leaving out about Able. And… She still couldn’t get the murder scene pictures out of her head. It was particularly jarring to think about when faced with his terrifyingly charming personality.

She’d laugh at one of his jokes and then remember that he cut off somebody’s limbs and then his jokes would seem a lot less funny after that.

“We’re so close,” he said excitedly when she sat down and took the computer out of his hands, trading him for breakfast. He was smiling at her. She remembered the way his skin smelled burning and her stomach turned and she could barely smile back. She took the computer from him briskly and continued working while he ate and rubbed lotion into his hands and face.

“Are you ready to leave London?” She asked him after a minute. “If A is out of the country?”

Beyond nodded and winced as he massaged the warped, red skin on his arm.

“I said my goodbyes,” he said with an air of finality, but Naomi wasn’t necessarily convinced. He was sentimental to say the least.

They were quite for another minute and then Beyond spoke again.

“How did he tell you to deliver that message?” He said.

“What message, the one from the prison?” Naomi said.

“Yeah,” Beyond said.

She couldn’t see his face. He was turned away from her, pulling up his sleeves and grabbing another bottle of medicine, but his voice was dark. His moods were like some sort of light switch and she never knew when it’d go off.

“I don’t think I know what you mean. He just told me.”

“Like did he email you or-”

“Yeah. It was in an email I had to delete immediately after.”

“And he had no other instructions? Just to tell me that?”

“Yeah.”

“Were those his exact words?”

“Beyond-”

“Were they?”

“Yes. I mean, I think so.” He turned back around now and with a new bottle, his face almost mournful, and he tiredly flexed his burnt right hand. His hands almost always shook now. The skin stretched and it looked a little painful and he let out a small, frustrated breath. “You’re fixating,” Naomi said.

“So?” Beyond said.

“So that’s probably part of what got you in this mess in the first place. You should cut it out.”

“I got in this mess because of L. He made me like this.”

Naomi fought the urge to roll her eyes. She didn’t want to go the rounds with him again.

Luckily, she was saved from the inevitable argument of circular thinking because there was a click and they both looked at the computer. The information was unlocked.

Able had been tracked, but not easily. They’d been found first in China, then in Portugal, then lastly in Japan and they were seen there three weeks ago. There was no other information.

Beyond stared at the computer and Naomi looked over at him. His expression wasn’t easy to read, but he wasn’t happy.

“Hey,” Naomi said. “That’s good information.”

Beyond looked down at the medicine bottles in his hands.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “Let’s go, then.”

Naomi realized one thing that she realized was strange about his expression. He didn’t seem surprised. He barely reacted at all, this person who reacted to absolutely everything with theatrics and drama.

If he had been doing something fishy with her computer last night, what would he have been doing? Could he have been faking information? Could he be leading her somewhere intentionally? Naomi felt a pit at the bottom of her stomach grow heavy.

If he was doing something underhanded, how could she find out?

Chapter Text

That evening, they were on a flight to Japan.

“What could Able be doing in Japan?” Naomi asked. She was struggling to fit her carry-on into the overhead compartment. It had become heavier with all of Beyond’s stuff, though he didn’t seem to realize. He was already sitting, his feet up in her seat, reclining.

“I dunno,” he said and shrugged.

“Really?” Naomi said. “That’s the best you can do here?” Finally, with one final heave, she got the bag to fit and Beyond moved his legs and she sat. “I thought you knew them so well. All we have is an entire country to go off of and weeks-old information.”

“I’ll keep thinking,” Beyond said but he sounded distracted.

Eventually, the plane took off and Naomi settled into the familiar but ridiculously long flight back to Japan.

Naomi had a lot on her mind and she wanted none of it and Beyond was messing around with her phone again, ansty, and she finally reached over and took out one of his earbuds again.

“Hey!” He said. “You can just tap my shoulder, you know.”

“I have a weird question,” Naomi said and she shifted in the supremely uncomfortable plane seats. Beyond kept trying to stretch out, sliding down in his seat with his feet up or leaning over, far over, into her personal space, or stretching out his arms in her face. Every time, she pushed him away and complained loudly. He’d never been good with personal space, after all, and the cramped plane cabin was even more of an excuse for him to spread out. He’d probably sit in her lap if he thought he could get away with it, but she’d threatened violence again.

“Oo! I love weird questions,” Beyond said. “It better be super weird.”

“Alright, it’s not that weird,” Naomi said, embarrassed by him.

“Aw, Naomi!”

“I wanted to ask if you ever dated anyone?”

“Ha!” Beyond laughed. “Nope. Why?”

“Well, I just-” Naomi stopped herself and realized that this was stupid and she shook her head. “Nevermind.”

“If you ask me to date you, I’ll say no.”

Naomi turned bright red.

“I was not going to ask you to date me,” she said, but she said it under her breath and through clenched teeth, as though someone around them might hear. Beyond slipped down further in his seat and spread his legs out further, his knee up against Naomi’s. She pushed it away for the hundredth time.

“It’s not that you aren’t beautiful, Misora, because you are. You’re also extremely cool and I totally want to borrow your leather jacket someday and as your datemate, I think I’d have that right, it’s just that I don’t date people, is all.”

“I wasn’t going to ask that!!” Naomi wanted to melt into a puddle, she was so embarrassed. How come he was so embarrassing all the time? How could he stand it?

“Also, I think you’re exclusively into guys, right, and I’m not exclusively a guy.”

“First off, I’m not exclusively into guys. Second off, I was not asking you out!”

“Then what were you asking?”

“I wanted to ask for your thoughts about Raye is all.”

To be fair, every time she’d gotten too embarrassed to go on, he’d somehow embarrassed her so much more that going on wasn’t so bad anymore, which… Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

“Ah,” Beyond said. “The fiance.”

“You don’t think we should be together,” Naomi said. “Tell me why.”

“It’s obvious,” Beyond said. “I think you do love him and he probably loves you because how could he not, but I don’t think he’s good for you. You want different things. And besides, he doesn't keep up with you. He doesn’t even know your favorite color. If you want to be with someone, I don’t think it should make you anxious to think about it. They should be your best friend.”

“He is my best friend,” Naomi said defensively.

“You asked for my opinion,” Beyond said nonchalantly, putting his hands up in response to her tone of voice and Naomi forced herself to stop.

“You’re right,” she said and she waved her hand in the air. “Sorry. Go on.”

“Well, that’s just it,” Beyond said. “Simple as that.”

A stewardess came around now with a cart. Beyond tried to ask her for a cup of hard liquor, but Naomi interrupted and told the stewardess that he’d have a Sprite while he snort-laughed behind her. He downed his Sprite like a shot anyway.

“Well how do I even salvage what I have with Raye?” Naomi asked. Beyond stuffed his mouth with the complementary pretzels.

“I think you guys just need to be friends. In my humble opinion. Wish him luck finding a wife or whatever and then just meet up for coffee every other month.” He sprayed pretzel dust everywhere and Naomi was none too pleased.

“Chew with your mouth closed,” she said. Then, “that’s easier said than done.”

“What do you think?” Beyond asked after he’d swallowed and then he tried to lick the inside of the pretzel wrapper until Naomi snatched it out of his hands and dropped it into the garbage bag of a passing steward. “Aw,” Beyond said. “The salt at the bottom is the best.”

“I think… I dunno, I’m just not so sure about him anymore.” Naomi ignored the pretzel comments.

“Then sounds like it’s time to dump him,” Beyond said. “Or at least think about it. A marriage should make you happy.”

“It’s just not that easy.”

They sat in quiet for a while and Naomi watched over Beyond’s shoulder as he played games on her phone. Outside the tiny window beside Beyond’s face, the sky was black.

“You owe me a really weird question,” Beyond said after a minute, still glued to his game.

“Why do you want one?”

“They’re fun.”

“Um, alright. Uh… I don’t know, what counts as weird?”

“Something like ‘what underwear are you wearing’.”

“That’s just creepy. Also, I don’t want to know. How about, uh… What was it like to-” Naomi thought and then she stopped. “Never mind.” Beyond paused his game and looked up at her. The air around them tightened, it seemed.

“If you keep saying never mind instead of saying what’s on your mind, you’ll never say anything at all.”

“Fine, then so be it.”

“Can I guess what your question was?”

“No.”

“What was it like to kill someone.”

Naomi sucked in a breath and put her head back against the headrest.

“I don’t-” She started. “Don’t tell me.”

“It wasn’t super fun,” Beyond said. “Contrary popular belief.”

Naomi put her face in her hands.

“And it was really gross.”

“Please, Beyond.”

“The hardest thing about killing someone,” Beyond continued. “Is killing someone. People just don’t die easy.”

“Maybe you’re just not that good at murder,” Naomi said.

“Huh,” he said and stopped. “I didn’t consider that. You’re right.” He laughed. “Maybe I’m not. It wasn’t really fun, either.”

“What do you want, a medal? I’m so glad that the act of murder wasn’t that interesting to you.”

“You have to keep your voice down, we’re in public. But yes, I wouldn’t say no to a medal. Planning the clues was the best part, though.” She was avoiding his face now, but he was turned in his seat almost too close. His knee was up against her knee again and his arm sat on top of hers.

“Can we change the subject? To anything at all? Anything else.”

Beyond looked at her and she felt him look right through her and she nearly shuddered.

“I think you want to talk about it,” he said.

“I really don’t.”

“You’ve been thinking about it this whole time.”

“And you haven’t?”

“I’m trying to put it out of my mind,” Beyond admitted.

“Is that so.”

“Well, I wasn’t supposed to have to think a ton about it after, Misora. But you kind of threw a wrench in that plan.”

“Boo hoo.”

They lapsed into silence again for another ten minutes. Beyond took up his phone game again.

“You’re not exclusively a guy?” Naomi asked, breaking the quiet.

“Nope,” Beyond said, the light from the phone lighting up his face in blues and yellows. “A little more nonbinary. You’re not exclusively into guys?”

“Nope. Bi.”

Beyond looked up now and held out his fist and Naomi allowed herself a smile and tapped it with her own.

“Hold a vigil for me at your next pride or something. Maybe my ghost will be there.” He made it to the next level on his game and cheered.

“How will I know if your ghost is there?” Naomi asked and Beyond looked at her and then he thought for a minute.

“I’ll do this,” he said softly, almost reverently, and then he rapped his knuckles against the plastic armrest three times, rhythmically. “That’s how you’ll know I’m dead and my ghost is there.”

“Okay,” Naomi said and Beyond sucked in his bottom lip now and breathed in deeply, like the thought had caused him pain.

Chapter Text

There was a too-long overnight layover and then another flight in the morning and then they arrived in Tokyo and after that, their plan kind of petered out.

“I’ve never been to Japan,” Beyond said in the cab on the way to the hotel. “Does everyone like anime? I bet there’s posters for Akazukin Chacha in all the stores and stuff.”

“Alright, first off, yikes. And second off,” Naomi said, but before she could go on, Beyond grabbed her arm and stopped her.

“Oo, look!” He cried and pointed out the window. “An open house! We have to go!”

“What?” Naomi said.

“Excuse me, driver, could you turn here??”

“No, no, don’t!”

Naomi stood in the kitchen of the open house tensely while Beyond fluttered around excitedly.

“Why did you want to come here?” She asked.

“Look what lovely granite countertops!” He said in an overly-theatrical voice. Naomi rolled her eyes. Then, from the other side of the kitchen island, he turned to her and slapped his hands down on the counter. “Let’s play house.”

Naomi wanted a count of every time he’d made her blush and every time he’d done something that had made all her insides shrivel with discomfort.

“Excuse me?” She said.

Beyond had already turned around and was throwing open all the cupboard doors.

“I’ll be Raye,” he said. “You be you.” So this is why he’d wanted to come. He was harping on it.

“No,” Naomi said dryly. Beyond whirled around and popped his hip.

“Oh, Naomi, sweetie,” he said in a falsetto. “I just got back from the FBI, chasing very handsome bad guys all day!”

Naomi shifted awkwardly. Beyond leaned in and spoke in a whisper in his normal voice.

“The handsome bad guy is me,” he said. “Okay?”

“Raye doesn’t act like that.” Naomi said.

“Oh, you’re right,” Beyond said and he chewed on his thumbnail thoughtfully, a gesture which sent Naomi careening back a few weeks to the Wara Ningyo Case. “He’s probably super manly, right? I dunno if I can pull that off.”

Then, he squared his shoulders and put his hands on his hips and lowered his voice.

“Mrs Raye!” He said and then had to stop and think. “Uh… Make dinner! Vacuum the, uh, rug!”

Naomi rolled her eyes to disguise a laughing smile.

“He’s not like that, either,” she said.

“Well come on!” Beyond cried and then, he heaved himself up onto the countertop and looked down at her. “You’re not giving me much to go off of here. What’s he like?”

Naomi put her hand down on the countertop, too. He was right, it was nice. She walked around the island now, trailing her hand along the top, lifting it only to avoid hitting Beyond’s legs.

“He’s…” She said thoughtfully. “He’s very… Sensible.”

She imagined herself in this kitchen. She didn’t hate to cook, although she wasn’t that impressive. She imagined him coming home from work, her at home. She imagined them expecting children.

“Sounds romantic,” Beyond said. “How dreamy. He’s-” Here, Beyond put a hand dramatically to his forehead and leaned back and spoke breathily, like he was fainting. “ Sensible .”

“He doesn’t sit on counters,” Naomi said and she slapped Beyond’s leg hard.

“Ow!” Beyond cried.

“And he doesn’t play house.”

“Of course not, no. He’s sensible.”

“He’s realistic, is what I mean.” Naomi reached down to wrap her fingers around one of the cupboard door handles, a pretty white plastic. It was cold and smooth. “Very responsible. He lives in the real world.”

“Of course. As opposed to the imaginary world that I’m living in, right?” Beyond said and he sounded a little offended. Naomi rolled her eyes.

“You know what I mean,” she said, although Beyond was being sassy, he had a point. The world he lived in and the world Raye lived in where two completely different things. Beyond lived in a world of supergenius orphans and dramatic murder mysteries and prison breaks, like a cliche spy movie. Raye lived in a world where he went to work and came home at the same time everyday, and where he had his life planned out and wanted to live and die as a small-time family man. It was the difference between fiction and nonfiction. Between an Avengers movie and a dry biography. “Don’t get so offended. It’s not a contest, like I’d ever consider staying with you.”

She hadn’t expected a real reaction from this comment because she’d said similar things in the past, but when Beyond didn’t answer, she looked up to his face to see he was frowning miserably.

“I know,” he said. “You don’t gotta rub it in.”

Her heart crumbled.

“Oh,” she said. “No, I just mean I’m not comparing you two, I’m just saying. I-” She swallowed and looked down at the little white cabinet handle in her hand and then looked back up. “I mean, what do you expect me to do? It’s true.”

Beyond hopped off the counter.

“It’s fine. You can’t get too attached to me or anything anyway, okay? Because I’m gonna die soon. It hurts to be close to someone who’s gonna die soon.” He turned away just enough so that she couldn’t see his face.

“You know, they might not give you the death sentence.”

“Then I’ll ask for it. I’ll make them do it.”

“Beyond-”

“It’s fine. It’s how it’s supposed to be. My time is up. It was already up, actually, I was already supposed to be dead. This is just… Extra. I dunno. Borrowed time.”

He was walking around the island now too and now he was on the opposite side of it as her. They’d switched spots. He looked up at her.

“When your time is up, it’s just up. There’s no changing that,” he said.

“You can’t know when your time is up,” Naomi said and Beyond burst into laughter. Naomi waited, but he was bent over the kitchen island and holding his stomach and laughing hard. “It’s not funny,” Naomi said and threw up her hands. “None of this is funny.”

“Maybe it’s good that I’m losing my eyesight,” he mused once he’d pulled himself together, and there was a funny smile on his face and his eyes were wide but unfocused, like he was only seeing things in his head. He was gripping the counter edge with both hands tightly, like he thought he might fall away. Something had flipped the switch inside him back to misery.  “Maybe I ought to set the other side of my face on fire and lose that one, too. I think if I was blind, I wouldn’t be in any of this mess at all, Naomi. Not any of it at all.”

Naomi stared at him and then rolled her eyes and turned around and kept walking.

“Pigs will fly the day you start making one ounce of sense,” she muttered.

Beyond followed her into the bedroom and draped himself in the doorway, trapping her in.

“Naomi,” he said in his Raye voice, but the playfulness was gone from him. “My wife .”

“Cut it out,” Naomi said and she examined the curtains on the window.

Beyond came further into the room and spun in circles, looking at it.

“Kay, picture this,” he said. “What’s his last name?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“What is it?”

“Penber.”

“Okay, Naomi Penber. You live in this quaint little house with, like, five kids or something.”

“Five?!”

“He comes home at night and tells you all about all the exciting things he’s doing while you’re here, rotting.” Naomi turned around and suddenly, her temper was rising. Beyond’s voice had changed. He was mocking.

“Beyond.”

“Sort of like prison, you know? No one to listen to you and nowhere to go. It fucking sucks, Naomi. So anyway, he comes home.” He was walking leisurely around the room and there was a sharp bitterness in him. What was he trying to do, get back at her? Had she really hurt his feelings that badly?

“Beyond!” Naomi took a step closer. She was starting to feel nauseous, watching him walk in circles.

“He’s not interested in you because there’s nothing to be interested in anymore, even though he’s the one who asked you to give it up. You spend all your time cleaning and cooking and taking care of kids and when you try to give your super clever thoughts about his cases to him, he shuts you down.”

“Shut up, Beyond,” Naomi hissed, but her voice shook.

“He’s unkind because he’s always been unkind, you just ignored all the fucking red flags because you always ignore red flags, Naomi.” Beyond was looking at her now, his eyes piercing her, and she felt a red hot tear make a wet line down her cheek. “You ignore them about me, about him. Because you want to believe everyone is as good as you are. That’s why you can’t believe that it could possibly be L’s fault, what happened to me. You can’t believe that L could be just as shitty as me because he’s supposed to be the ‘good guy’, right Naomi? He’s the good guy and I’m just garbage with no good reason for the stuff I do, right?”

He glared at her and Naomi stared back.

“Anyway, at this point, I’m long dead,” he said. “Like I should have been. A pile of ash. And my world is gone with me. All you have left is his sensibleness. His real world . And you can never leave. You’re trapped. Like prison. And it’s solitary confinement, baby.” He came closer and leered in her face and Naomi reared back and cracked his nose.

Chapter Text

This is what Able was like. They were cunning and mischievous. They were a risk-taker. They were dedicated and driven.

Able took Beyond to Roger’s bedroom one day a few weeks after learning about their death date and they told him to watch. They had a cord in their hand that was coming from under the closed door.

“What is that?” Beyond said and Able pulled the cord hard and something clicked.

“Try to open it,” Able said and they fished the rest of the cord out from under the door. Beyond tried it. It was locked.

“Able,” he said. Able stood up and took the spare key off the top of the doorframe and then slid that under the door, too. “He’s really gonna have an aneurysm this time.”

“Are you scared, Bee?” Able said and then laughed.

“Yeah, I’m scared! I really thought he was gonna make us sleep on a bench last time!”

“I’ll tell him it wasn’t you, it was me.”

“Well, it was. How did you even do that?”

“I put nails in his wall and tied the cord around the nails and then around the lock too and then you just pull.”

“You put nails in Roger’s wall ??”

“What is he gonna do,” Able said with a sardonic grin. “Kill me?”

“Able,” Beyond groaned.

The next step in accepting their death date, it seemed to Beyond, was doing dangerous or otherwise stupid things with this particular catchphrase as their reasoning. What’s it going to do, kill me? They’d say over and over with that bitter smile, to the point where Beyond could hear the words in their tone of voice even when they weren’t saying them. So far, they had created a zipline from the belltower to the pub roof across the street, dug four foot deep holes in the front yard for no reason at all, and spray-painted over some of the original stained glass in the front hall (over which Roger had screamed himself hoarse and Beyond had spent the whole time intently examining the details in his shoelaces while Able next to him laughed hysterically).

“He’s been cleaning all day again. I think Watari’s visiting, so this will really get his goat.”

Beyond ran his hands through his hair nervously and started to pace.

“You’re worried about nothing!” Able said and they put the cord in their pocket. “Live a little, Bee!”

“And what if he really does make us sleep outside this time?”

“Then we can call child protective services or something. Or we can like, light the building on fire.”

“I don’t want to light the building on fire.”

“Why not?”

“Because we live here .”

Heavy footsteps started up the stairs, unmistakably Roger’s. Able grabbed Beyond and ran with him back into their room and once they were behind the closed door, Able started to giggle.

This wasn’t that far off of typical Able. Of course, both Able and Beyond were something of daredevils and ordinarily, Beyond wouldn’t really care what Able was doing. They were a nightmare duo, starting trouble together everywhere, always on the same page. However, lately Able had been going further than normal and Beyond was worried about them because this didn’t seem good. They were, he didn’t know, lashing out or something. Testing their luck. He didn’t know what they were doing, but he did know that if they went any further, Roger would strangle them both in their sleep.

Beyond was a people-person and he mostly wanted people to like him, but sometimes, there was a knot of pain in his heart and in order to soothe it, he’d do stupid things that would get him attention or admiration and he knew he did, he just didn’t know how to stop. So he made trouble for sure, but it was all so that maybe, someone would just look at him. Maybe someone would think about him, would remember that he was there. Maybe they’d even be impressed with him.

Able made trouble too, but it didn’t seem to matter to them whether they were liked. Sometimes, it seemed to Beyond like they made trouble just to make everyone else miserable, themself included. The world had wronged Able, after all. Their parents were dead and Wammy’s wasn’t a fun place to grow up. And now, on top of everything, they knew when they’d die and it wasn’t far off and they were just angry . They were so angry all the time that the anger had to go somewhere. Someone had to pay for the bad things that had happened to them, that kept happening. Someone had to see the pain inside them, had to feel the same rage.

Beyond wanted attention. Able wanted revenge.

This didn’t often make much a difference between them however because regardless of their motives, they were often found doing about the same disastrous things.

And of course, this too was a bit of a biased picture of Able. They didn’t go around hateful and raging constantly. After all, everyone lashes out. Everyone wants revenge sometimes. This was just something that Able battled with and it happened to be a drive behind a lot of their mischief, a reason behind a lot of their pain. But generally, Able was also kind. They knew Beyond better than anyone and Beyond reveled in the way they fit together so easily, the way they’d made each other family. Able was passionate and dedicated and they’d always taken school very seriously, more seriously than Beyond. They liked puzzle games and cherry pie and they were very organized. They were by all means an ordinary kid. An angry kid for sure, but that’s pretty ordinary too, isn’t it?

But now, they were an angry kid who had the knowledge that they’d die young and it only made them angrier.

Roger was mad and Able and Beyond spent the rest of the night mopping the house’s giant kitchen as punishment.

Beyond watched Able on their hands and knees in the suds, leaning over his mop, and he thought about all of this.

“What are you thinking about?” He finally asked. Able turned around and looked at him.

“Thinking about how I’m gonna do something even worse to Roger after this,” they said and they continued to scrub. “Maybe I’ll blow this whole place up one day, you know? Just a big giant hole in the ground.” They slapped their washcloth back onto the ground and splashed themself with dirty water. “Ew! Ugh.”

“Maybe one day,” Beyond replied back. “We could take each brick out of the walls and hide them all.”

“We could grind the stained glass into dust.”

“We could make this place a landfill.”

Able laughed a little and sat back in the suds. They’d been cleaning now for what seemed like hours.

“I’m fifteen,” they finally said. “Fifteen years old. And I got just a few years to live.”

“Don’t say that so loud, people will start asking. You can’t tell anyone else, you know.”

“Duh, I know.” Able threw the washcloth back into the bucket of water. It splashed again. “You think I got rocks for brains, Bee?”

“Course not,” Beyond said and he kept swiping at the floor with the mop. “Just saying.”

“I made that list of all the things I want to do,” Able said and their eyes looked far off. Beyond stopped and watched them. “I listed all this stuff like, you know. Visit LA. Run a marathon. Get a bunch of like, parks or something named after me. You know?”

“I know,” Beyond said.

“You ever did anything like that?”

“Get a park named after me?”

“Make a list of stuff to do before you die.”

Beyond had not and he said so. Able laughed humorlessly.

“Yeah,” they said. “You wouldn’t, huh? Must be nice not to know your own numbers.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Beyond said.

“Anyway, so I was looking at this list, right?” They brushed bleached hair out of their face and the wetness from their fingers plastered the strands to their forehead and they pushed up their round, blue glasses. “And I was thinking, all this stuff, it wasn’t quite it. Like, if I didn’t run a marathon, but I got some sort of trophy, you know, then it’d be the same and it wouldn’t matter. So I boiled all the things down to, you know, what they represent. And when I did that, I basically just had one thing left on the list.”

Beyond didn’t entirely know why, but his stomach was twisting.

“Okay,” he said quietly.

“I want to be remembered,” Able said. “I want to leave behind something. I want to… I want to accomplish something.”

“Yeah?” Beyond said. “You accomplished lots of stuff already, Able.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Able said and waved their hand as if to brush off the things they’d accomplished. “But I want something more . Something hard. So I was thinking about school.”

Beyond thought about the boxes of homework and tests under Able’s bed, meticulously filed away in shoeboxes.

“What’s new,” he said and Able laughed.

“You’re funny. But really.”

“Okay?”

“You know who’s number one on the leaderboards right now?”

“Why the hell would I know that.”

“It’s you, Bee.”

Beyond stopped mopping. He felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice on top of his head and suddenly, he realized he could see where this was going. He was looking down the barrel of something that had been long coming and it was going to put a bullet in his mouth before he could even stop it. This was the beginning of the end of his life.

He felt this way because he knew what Able was going to say and what that was going to mean and he had the inkling that it would ruin everything.

“I’m not,” he breathed when he could finally catch his breath.

“You are,” Able said. “And I made Roger tell me. You’ve been number one for a full year now.”

Beyond forced himself to keep mopping and to keep breathing.

“A-Able,” he said. “You’ve accomplished a lot of things-”

“I want to accomplish this,” Able said and then they stood, pressing their hands into the sudsy floor and pulling themself up. They wiped their hands off on their jeans.

“It doesn’t mean anything-”

“Don’t say that,” Able said. “It’s the only thing that’s ever meant anything.”

Beyond laughed but it sounded a little more like a sob. He leaned the mop against the wall.

“That’s… That’s crazy, Able.”

“I’m not the crazy one between us, Bee.”

“Ha ha,” Beyond said, feeling a little offended.

“I’m not gonna live much longer,” Able said. “Relatively speaking. And I can’t exactly leave here because I’ve got nowhere else to go. But the whole point of being here, the whole reason they even keep us at all, is because of L. The whole point of living here is for those leaderboards.”

“I’m no paragon of health, but I can promise you that’s a bad idea.”

“So I’m going to be number one.”

“But what about us?” Beyond said quietly. “You and me? I don’t want us to compete.”

“Well you better get ready anyway because I’m not going to stop,” Able said. “I’m going to make my life mean something.”

“Your life means something.”

“Not unless I’m the best. Not unless I can leave something people can remember me by! Bee, don’t you understand that?” Able was sloshing through the dirty water towards him now and they grabbed his shoulders and looked up at him. “Tell me you understand!”

“I understand, I just think it’s the world’s shittiest idea!”

Able frowned at him and then slowly let go of his arms.

“I’m not saying we stop being friends,” Able said. “Duh. I love you, Bee. Beyond. I’m just saying, this is something I’m gonna do on the side and I want you to know. This is gonna make my life, you know… Matter. I don’t resent you, Bee.”

Beyond felt himself suddenly choke up again and he didn’t realize that Able saying that to him would hit him so hard. The thing was, he did feel as though Able resented him. After all, how could they not? He didn’t quite believe them when they said that.

“Whatever makes you happy,” he said quietly.

“If you just give up your number one spot, though,” Able said. “No joke, Bee, I’ll be so mad. I have to earn this. So fight me, okay?”

“I don’t want to fight you.”

“Fight me!”

“Alright, fine!”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Able started at Beyond’s eyes and then, they took a step back, the water sloshing around their bare feet.

“Alright,” they said. “Alright.”

Then, Able reached over to the counter and knocked rhythmically on it three times with their knuckles. Beyond swallowed the knot in his throat and he reached over and knocked back.

authors note that i went to great pains to figure out how to include this sketch i doodled of able the other day just for kicks. they strike me as a pop art sort. i sure as heck wish i could make it smaller?? but idk how a;lksdjl;akdf

Chapter Text

Beyond returned to the urgent care center waiting room with his face covered in bandages and a cold pack in his hand. Naomi jumped up from where she’d been sitting in the corner. He passed her cooly and she followed him out.

She decided that she wanted to apologize, but she sort of wanted him to apologize first. She didn’t want to make him think he was blameless here.

The cab was waiting out front and Naomi dreaded paying however much the bill must be at this point.

They both got in the car and made it back to the hotel in complete silence and Beyond didn’t speak until they got back into the room. Naomi shut the door behind them, her bag in her hand and the room dark with the curtains drawn and Beyond turned around and looked at her.

“You don’t trust me,” Beyond accused finally but he said it in such an extremely stuffed up and ridiculous voice that it sounded like he’d said “you don’d drusd be” and Naomi wanted to be serious, but instead, she snorted and clapped her hand around her mouth. “It’s not funny,” Beyond grumbled.

“Sorry, sorry,” Naomi said, trying to control herself. “I just, I didn’t know you’d sound like that.”

“You broke my nose,” Beyond said and he was barely intelligible. Naomi bit her lip very hard to stop from laughing.

“Fractured, actually,” she said. “And I feel really bad.” Don’t apologize, she told herself in her head. Not yet. “But, uh, it’s true. I don’t trust you. But how can I? It’s like you’ve got this dark side,” Naomi said. “And you just snap back and forth. What even was that??”

“That’s the thing,” Beyond said tiredly. “ Everyone has a dark side. Except you.” This was too funny for such a serious topic. Naomi had to bite her tongue, he sounded so hilarious.

“Alright sure, but your dark side kills people. And is also really mean. What was that even about, Beyond?? I’m sorry I said I wouldn’t stay with you, maybe I was harsh, but that’s how you respond?” Naomi looked down now and shook her head and then dropped her bag on the hotel bed. She was getting really tired of hotels. “You know I’m scared.”

Beyond looked at her like he was going to say something and his eyes were lit up like he wanted to fight, but finally, he looked away too and the fight went out of him.

“I just,” Beyond said. “Got to thinking about you in that house with him and how much I don’t like him and how dead I’ll be. Like, so dead, Naomi. So, so dead.”

“Uh,” Naomi said.

“Doornail kind of dead,” Beyond said. “Six feet under. Dead dead. Nothing left dead.”

“Alright, I get it.”

“And you, you know, marrying this dude who doesn’t even appreciate you, being miserable, and that you hate me.”

“Where is this coming from?” Naomi asked. Beyond shook his head.

“I just want you to be happy,” he said. “But you and me, together and happy and you not hating me. We’d be doing, I dunno, FBI stuff. And we’d be very not dead. Very alive. Less dead than I’ll be very soon. Much, much less dead.”

“Kay,” Naomi said. “Sounds like there’s a lot to unpack here.”

“I guess I just wish… You and me could be this way forever.”

“You’re jealous.”

“I’m-” He stopped now and then he crammed his hands into his pockets and turned his back to her. He started to pace beside the bed a little. The point at which she thought he’d continue passed and so she spoke again.

“I get that you’re scared, and I didn’t mean to be harsh with you, but you can’t take your bullshit out on me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Beyond said.

“Beyond,” Naomi said. Beyond was still pacing and one hand ran over his curls over and over and he wrapped a few of them around one finger to yank at anxiously.

“I mean I’m sorry,” he said. “But you’re taking out your bs on me, too, okay? We’re just punching bags for each other.” Naomi sat down on the bed and crossed her arms.

“I haven’t gotten that impression at all,” she said.

He kept pacing and he didn’t look up. He was starting to make her feel anxious, too.

“Sit down,” she said.

“You’re mad at me and that’s why you’re harsh with me, too.”

“Sit down, Beyond.”

Beyond sat on the corner of the bed. He looked over at her and then held his ice pack again to his face, as if to remind her what she did to him.

“You want to talk about it,” he said like he was trying to convince her and Naomi knew he was talking about LA. She tensed.

“I do not,” she said.

Beyond looked at her and then he stood again and he grabbed her purse and slung it over his shoulder like it was some sort of a power move. Naomi started at him, waiting for him to say something.

“Let’s go clothes shopping,” he said.

The unfortunate thing about having to never let a person out of her sight was that sometimes, Beyond could absolutely drag her around. She wanted him to feel a little trapped by her, like he couldn’t escape her, because that would give her a sort of power in their relationship, but more often than not it was almost the opposite because wherever Beyond went, she had to go, too. If he just took off down the street, it was as though he had her at the end of a very short thread and Naomi had to do the best she could to keep up and not lose the serial killer she was aiding and abetting on his prison break.

She chased him down the street now and watched him look around himself.

“There’s got to be a strip mall around here somewhere,” he said in his stupid, stuffed up voice. “There’s always a strip mall next to hotels.”

“I don’t think we have time to go shopping,” Naomi said. “Is your friend on the verge of a violent death or not??”

“They are, they are,” Beyond said. “But there’s always time to skim through a Goodwill or something.

“That’s not true,” Naomi said.

Tokyo was very different from London. The history and architecture was different. It was full of lights and bustling people. It was like the whole city was a person and it just breathed differently. Beyond was looking around himself with eyes like dinner plates to take it all in.

They did find a strip mall a few blocks over, but there was no Goodwill, just a few expensive boutiques. Beyond walked into one that looked the most colorful, Naomi’s purse still over his shoulder.

“I’m not buying you anything,” Naomi said.

“You don’t have to,” Beyond replied.

“We should be making a plan.”

“I am making a plan. I think best when I’m moving. Or shopping.”

“You’re lying.”

“I lie a lot, Misora.”

In the back of the store, Beyond ran his hands over the thick, felt-like fabric of a red women’s trench coat on a rack and he switched to English.

“If I could go back and do it again, I would,” he said darkly. He looked up and caught her eye. For a second, she didn’t know what he was talking about. Do what? Then, it hit her. LA. Duh. “So you can add that to the things you hate about me, Misora.”

Naomi felt the sickly stiffness that she felt every time this came up. Contrary to what Beyond seemed to think, she didn’t want to talk about it.

“I don’t think I want to talk about this,” she said. “I think you do.”

“I want you to stop holding it against me.”

“Are you serious? Are you kidding right now? Tell me you’re kidding.”

“If I could go back, I’d go to the other room to light the fire so by the time you got there, I’d already be dead. My plan was so perfect, Misora, just flawless. Foolproof. Seamless. It would have worked. But you had to come at it with a chainsaw and add some seams of your own, huh? Throw some wrenches in the gears.”

Naomi noticed that whenever this mood hit Beyond, this anger, he wanted to be moving. He’d walk away or hide, like there was something he was trying to escape. It didn’t seem like he was trying to escape LA because he sure did seem pretty unrepentant, but Naomi didn’t know what else he was hiding from. Was it whatever happened with him and Able?

He wasn’t a good person, Naomi knew. He was bad. He was, well… Evil. He’d killed people. And though she didn’t think he’d ever actually hurt her (and she knew that even if he tried, she wouldn’t let him), it still broke her heart just how terrible he was and how easily he could charm her into forgetting it.

Beyond pulled the red coat off the rack now and tugged it on stiffly. The scar tissue made him not overly flexible and some days were worse than others and she could see him wince as he stretched his arms out and up to fit them into the sleeves. The coat flared out just a little bit at the waist and he pulled it tight around his body and did up the buttons. He smoothed down the front carefully with his shaky, gloved hands.

“I thought you said you were trying to put it out of your mind,” Naomi said. They were still speaking in English, quietly, to keep anyone in the nearly-empty store from understanding them as best they could.

“Uh, yeah, because it was a hideous, disastrous, life-ruining humiliation,” Beyond scoffed. He still hadn’t looked up and was instead examining the buttons down the front of the coat. “It was a failure! So I am trying to forget about how the only thing that could have given my life any value got ruined and by you .” He whirled around now and kept walking to the next rack, the red coat still buttoned around him.

“This is ridiculous. Again, I saved your life.” Naomi trailed behind him and then snatched her purse away from him. He let her take it.

“You ruined my life.” This could have been so hilarious that they were discussing such serious things while Beyond sounded so funny, but Naomi couldn’t bring herself to laugh anymore. “I just want you to stop treating me so cold about it. I’m not gonna do anything to you.”

“You killed three human beings in LA, Beyond.”

“Oh, my god!” He exclaimed and pushed past the rack now, raising his voice just enough. Now there was a big rack of clothes between them and Beyond was glaring at her from the other side. “They were going to die anyway, just leave me the fuck alone about it! Stop thinking about it!”

“No! They would have died, like, eventually! After living long, happy lives!”

“Ha!” He kept walking again, clearly angry now, turning his back to her. On the closest wall, he found a few winter hats and a tall mirror. She approached him from behind as he fingered one of the hats, a black one with X’s on the side. He was gonna want to keep the coat, she realized. He was gonna find some way to steal it and she was gonna have to find some way to pay for it anyway.

“Stop thinking about yourself long enough to realize that they are dead and you are alive!”

“Alright, fine, lucky them!” He dropped the hat now on the ground and kept walking, trying to escape her. She scooped it up and put it back on the rack and followed him hurriedly. He could walk faster than her with his long legs, but if she caught up to him enough to grab his arm, he wouldn’t be able to overpower her and pull away.

Was that what he was trying to escape? Was it her? Did she make him feel trapped like she thought she couldn’t?

“Beyond.”

They were reaching the front of the store now. Beyond had started grabbing seemingly random items and slinging them over his arm. Naomi didn’t mind speaking to him in English. She was American, after all, and had been for a while, and her English was perfect, but it felt strange to not speak in Japanese with him in particular. It felt artificial. She realized he probably felt the same sometimes about speaking in Japanese instead of English.

“I don’t want to fight about it,” Beyond was saying, his accent getting thicker with his frustration. “I mean, I’m right, but I still don’t want to fight you.”

“Right about what?” Naomi said exhaustedly.

“You don’t trust me,” he said again like he did before, when they’d arrived at the hotel and then, they reached the front door to the store and he switched back into Japanese and looked down at Naomi. “I’m sorry you can’t.”

“Yeah,” Naomi said. “You better be.”

“I’m sorry I said those things to you at the open house.”

It was an apology too little and too late. Naomi needed something a little bigger now. She needed something to make all of this right. Despite his sincerity, she still felt hollowness inside her with the heartbreak over the loss of him.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. Then, Beyond crammed all the things he’d collected into her arms and then shoved her out the door and past the store’s sensors. The sensors went off, a screaming siren, and on the other side of the door, Beyond starting shouting.

“Help!! She’s stealing!!”

That son of a bitch, Naomi thought.

A security guard from the store came running and burst through the door and grabbed her before she could react. As she tried to explain herself to the guard and the manager from behind the counter, she watched behind the window as Beyond took the coat off of himself and slung it over his arm and walked out casually past all of the distracted store employees, pleased with himself, and disappeared around the street corner.

Chapter Text

When Naomi made it back to the dark hotel room, disgruntled and frustrated, Beyond was in the bathroom with the door wide open and all the lights on. He’d put his red coat back on and now he had another black beanie like the one he’d been looking at earlier. More bags sat on the bed behind him, full of colorful pieces of clothing. In the bathroom, he leaned over the hotel’s grimy sink counter, lazily applying red eyeliner.

Naomi slammed the door behind her and Beyond stood up a little and met her eye in the mirror. He grinned big, despite the painful-looking bruises that were appearing under the gauze taped across his nose.

“Hey!!” He said and he spun around now to face her, both hands braced on the counters edge on either side of him. His voice was still ridiculous with his broken nose. “Congrats!! You survived a Wammy’s initiation!! You’re a Wammy’s Kid now.”

“We could have just bought the coat.”

“Where’s the fun in that? And look, I found the perfect shade of red to match,” he said and waved the eyeliner pencil towards her, only one eye outlined so far. “This will look so punk rock.” Naomi was reminded of the time he’d painted their nails matching colors. He was distracting himself, or distracting her. This was another con stunt and his antics were the distraction. What didn’t he want her to notice?

“What is all this?” She stepped towards the bags on the bed and Beyond turned back to the mirror and leaned back into it to start on his other eye.

“I did a little more ‘shopping’ while you were out.”

Naomi pulled out a bright blue shirt with a popular tv show logo on the front, the price tag still hanging off, and made a face at it.

“I don’t appreciate being used as a scapegoat for your petty crimes.”

“Able and I used to do that all the time!! It’s like a team building exercise. You and me bonded.”

“It makes you both con artists.”

“Con, shmon!”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

Naomi sat down on the bed, shoving a few of the pieces of clothes out of the way, and continued to dig through what he’d stolen. A few bold sweaters (one with glitter woven in), a few more fan shirts (because how could he resist), new hats (good to hide his face at least), and several pairs of black skinny jeans (as if it were the early 2000s, Naomi thought, but she couldn’t judge too harshly because she wore them, too).

Beyond stepped out of the bathroom now, his makeup finished, and stood next to her to upturned one of the bags. He produced the piece of clothing he’d been looking for and put it into her hands, which surprised her.

“Try this on,” he said. “I thought it was your size.”

It was another black leather jacket. Naomi held it up in front of her. It was brand new and looked way cool and Naomi felt a very stupid twinge of love for him at his thoughtfulness, despite the theft. She’d been a little upset with him when she’d walked in, but his charm and his smile were like some sort of dizzying perfume-she was hit with it and once it was all she could breathe, she found it too easy to forget anything he’d done to upset her. The con stunt was stupid and even a little mean, but she couldn’t deny that she admired his cleverness and that she was glad she wouldn’t have to shell out more money.

Except, no!! She wouldn’t be his friend and she wouldn’t let these things go so easily just because she liked him so much!!

She tried on the new jacket and it fit well and Beyond hummed his approval, standing back and folding his arms and nodding.

She loved it but she wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Are we going to get to work now?” She asked.

“To be fair, I really did need new clothes.”

“We’ve hit a dead end, Beyond. The files from that group home didn’t have anything else on Able. So now, we gotta hunt them down."

“Right, Naomi Misora.”

“Buttercup Beatrice.”

“Ha! National Ministries.”

“Baltimore Baseball.”

“Nintendo Magazine-Hey, how much do you hate me? On a scale of one to ten?”

Naomi was a little caught off guard by this. She didn't answer right away so Beyond continued.

“One is you only hate me a little, when I do something particularly stupid, but mostly I’m sort of okay. Ten is seeing me on fire was the happiest you’d ever been in your whole life.”

“Woah,” said Naomi.

“Which is it?” asked Beyond.

Naomi still didn’t know what to say.

“I definitely did not like seeing you on fire,” she finally managed.

“So a nine?” Beyond said.

“No!” Naomi said. “I don’t-” She wanted to say she didn’t hate him. And she didn’t. Not really. But sometimes he made her so angry or so sad. She hated him for the choices he’d made. But she didn’t hate him hate him.

She just hated herself for not hating him.

She pulled her new jacket around herself tighter and turned around to her suitcase on a table in the corner, opening it up and rustling through it just for something to do, to look busy, to avoid the question.

“You’re asking the wrong questions. Why do you care if I hate you?”

“Because I don’t hate you . What’s the right question then?”

Naomi rustled through her bag mindlessly. Her clothes, his books. Her laptop, his pain meds. She couldn’t get away from him and all their things all jumbled together, wearing his gift, her nails done in polish he’d painted. it was intimate in the way it chained them together. She liked the familiarity, even if it scared her a little.

“Well?? What’s the better question?”

“I guess,” Naomi said and she finally turned around again, but she avoided his eyes, which were way too earnest. She heaved a breath and shrugged. “If I hate… I dunno. What you’ve done.”

“But I didn’t ask that, I asked if you hated me .”

“How am I supposed to separate the two, Beyond??” Naomi threw her hands up exhaustedly and then folded her arms.

She didn’t want to tell him how much she loved him. He was like the endearing and clumsy best friend in a high school movie. He was the relationship she'd never had. She wanted to get into trouble with him, get caught spray painting buildings or sneaking into movies. She wanted to hear him talk about himself, make him laugh. She wanted to sit in cars in the middle of nowhere and watch the sun go down and have a heart-to-heart. She wanted to keep living in his insane world and just forget about all the bad parts of it. Like the murders.

“I can just die easier if you don’t hate me,” Beyond said quietly. “If you say a ten or something, I’ll have a harder time dying when I go back to prison.”

Naomi made a face at him and folded her arms in tighter.

“How does that work, huh? And besides, where is all this coming from?”

“They say don’t go to sleep before you’ve solved a fight, you know? So that’s what I mean, that if you hate me, I want to be alive long enough to make it up to you so one day, you can say, ‘ah, that Beyond. He was trash through and through but there was at least one moment when I didn’t hate him with everything I had.’ Then I could go to sleep, you know?” His voice broke on the word ‘sleep’ and Naomi looked up into his face and realized that he was scared, way more scared than he was letting on. He was staring into her face desperately and his arms were wrapped around his torso, like he was trying to hug himself.

She looked down again and rubbed her boot into the carpet.

“You sure make it hard,” she choked out and she didn’t know if that was the right answer.

“I knew someone once who knew when they were gonna die,” Beyond said. Naomi glanced up and saw him leaning back on the pillows on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He reached up with one hand and swiped at his cheek and let out a long breath. “And it really fucked them up. They were never the same. And I think I sort of get it now. Dead really is dead , huh?”

“I thought this would have been something you’d already dealt with, given the fact that you, you know…”

“Attempted suicide?” Beyond sighed again almost theatrically. “Yes. I was very scared, you know. Once it came down to it. Until that moment, it’d all felt like… Sort of like a dream. But I’d been thinking about it for a very long time. This whole idea, knowing when you die. I’ve always wanted to know when I’d die. It’d be convenient information. But my death then would have had meaning. Now... Well, lethal injection is just a little less, I dunno...”

This dark, edgy commentary that he shared every so often was just as painful and revealing as it was melodramatic and downright stupid, like he was thirteen years old and writing poetry about death. Sometimes, it was all a little too much for Naomi and she couldn’t take him seriously but at the same time, part of her heart ached for him.

Naomi watched him stare at the ceiling a little longer and then he pulled himself up suddenly and scrubbed his face dry and forced a weak smile at her.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said. “I’m wasting time.

“I’m sorry,” Naomi said quietly. “That, you know… You have to know it’s coming.”

“When I die,” he said and he sucked in a breath. “Remember, it’s L’s fault. He put me in this position, in all of it. Just remember that for me, Misora.”

“You want me to hold your grudges for you after you die??”

A more genuine smile spread across his face now and he laughed.

“That’s one of the things I love about you, Misora, you’re so funny. Yes, carry on my grudges. After I die, remember me by keeping all my hate alive.” He laughed again. “I have a lot of it, so it’s a big job, but I think you’re up to it.”

“I think maybe I’ll just… Bring you flowers or something,” Naomi said and Beyond’s head snapped up and he looked right into her eyes.

“Would you really do that?”

She had sounded very sincere.

“I mean, I guess,” Naomi said and tried to sound noncommittal. Beyond smiled.

“Flowers at my grave. In part because you’re a good person, but in part because you don’t hate me, huh? If you bring me flowers, you can only hate me at most a five.”

“What happened to wasting time??” Naomi demanded, reluctant to return to the ‘how much do you hate me’ numbering system. She walked back over to the bed and started stuffing his stolen clothes back into the bags. “Come on now, let’s get to work. We have a person to find and I know you’re too restless to think and sit at the same time.”

“Would you walk with me?” Beyond asked. “While we come up with our plan?”

“Of course,” said Naomi.

Then, Naomi received a call. Neither of them could know at that moment that the call was from L. And what he had to tell her would ruin everything.

you guys i wish so desperately i could stop drawing fanart for my own fanfiction. what's my deal ;alsidfj

unfortunately, i sketched this but we can only hope that maybe one day, i'll be stopped 

Chapter Text

Beyond glanced furtively over at Able during school. They were scribbling on their test in the next desk over, obviously concentrating hard. Beyond could see them biting down on their tongue in thought.

The classrooms at Wammy’s were just as dated and worn as the rest of the building, all old wood and dark overhead lights that made Able squint through their glasses harder than they usually did. Beyond squirmed in his ancient desk and he looked back down at his own test and he thought.

The answer to the next question he was solving was 81. He put 80.

The next answer was 68. He put 67.

And so on until he’d finished the test, with enough of the wrong answers to suckerpunch his grade, but not so devastating that Roger would start asking questions. Able would probably get an A- or something, so all Beyond had to do was get a B. And he had to do it, do all of it, in a way that no one would realize it was purposeful.

It had to be a close race between him and Able, but one that would be impossible for Able to lose.

Able had decided a few days prior that the meaning of life was the Wammy’s House leaderboards and had declared this to Beyond while they served out their joint sentence of cleaning the kitchen floors, having both been convicted of putting nails in Roger’s walls and also just generally making everyone else’s lives miserable. It might seem as though this is a drastic or obviously flawed “Meaning of Life”, but anyone would be surprised at just how common this same mentality was at Wammy’s. It was in fact rather ordinary.

Beyond himself felt similarly about the purpose of his life, but only in a vague sort of way. It was difficult to completely avoid the competitive nature of Wammy’s House, but Beyond hadn’t been entirely sucked into it just yet, both because he was very distracted by his own hobbies and because it’s easy to not worry about winning a game if you’re in first place already without even trying. But regardless, he was scared for Able.

Able had told Beyond to fight them for the position and true enough, they had if possible become even more obsessed with school. They studied for hours on end and asked for more classes, which Roger had been reluctant to give them but eventually did anyway. Beyond begged them to take a break, knowing that Able was on the fast track to both disappointment and also burnout. Neither were very fun and nothing about this was particularly healthy.

So Beyond already knew what he was going to do. He’d known it the second he’d made that promise to fight Able for first place that he was going to break it. He’d give it up for them.

So he threw the test.

***

Beyond’s mother died when he was 9 and his father died when he was 11 and he arrived at Wammy’s at 12.

He’d spent the year bouncing around foster homes where he’d aggravate the parents and draw on all the walls in Sharpie and break expensive family heirlooms, sometimes on accident, sometimes on purpose, and he’d never been more miserable in his entire young life.

He was discovered by Wammy’s because of his perfect test scores and no one really fought for him to stay with a family instead of going to a group home, so he was finally pulled out of the foster system and dumped right into the place he’d attribute to the ruining of his life.

He got there that summer, one suitcase and a backpack full of clothes in hand and nothing else and Roger had given him the Wammy’s House rundown and shown him to his room. And at this point, he was so alone and so depressed and so tired, all he could do was collapse onto his bed once Roger left and bury his head in his arms and sob. It had been all he could do not to spend the entire day in tears, from the long car ride to the home with the social worker, to the cold interview with Roger, to the fact that his room was small and looked old and the wood floors were cold and at home, his dad had always used to insist on rugs. It was just all too much. The trials of this past year had sucked something out of him, made him tired and sad, and he wondered often where his own personality had gone, lost in the ocean of every miserable thing that had happened to him over and over. He’d lost literally everything, from his family to his friends to his home to his happiness, and now he’d even lost himself and he had absolutely nothing left.

He fell asleep there crying and when he woke up, the kid on the top bunk was staring at him.

They were leaning over the side of the bed nearly upside down, staring. The first thing Beyond noticed about them was their bright yellow hair and the dark roots growing just underneath. The second thing he noticed was that their numbers were particularly short. Yikes.

“Hi,” they said.

Beyond didn’t answer.

“What’s your name?” They asked.

Beyond, Beyond thought, but then he thought about how Mr Ruvie had told him that he’d have real consequences to pay if he told anyone his real name and he swallowed.

“B-Backup.” He had to carve the word out of his heart. It hurt. He felt a numbness starting to grow there, but a numbness that ached, like a limb being slowly frozen off. Another thing he’d lost.

“Ouch,” the kid on the top bunk said. “Brutal.”

“What’s your name?” Beyond asked. The kid’s name was Ashley, but Beyond wasn’t supposed to know that and he kept his mouth shut.

“Able,” the kid said. “But not Abel like the name, able like the verb. Like able to take over for L once he kicks the bucket. Able to be L. Able, capable.”

“Oh,” Beyond said. “I think mine is backup like… Like I’m L’s backup.”

“Yeah, probably,” the kid said.

Ashley, Beyond thought. Ashley Cordello. What a pretty, normal name.

Beyond didn’t often see numbers as short as Able’s. He’d seen his parents’, of course, and every once in a while, he’d see someone else, but it wasn’t necessarily ordinary. He felt a little bad for them.

He was very sick of seeing people die, so he decided he would not be friends with Able.

He spent the next few weeks devastatingly alone and he began to feel as though the entire world had forgotten about him. It had taken him and swept him under the rug. He felt like it had been ages, just ages, since someone had even looked at him and Beyond hated nothing more than to not be seen and so he decided to do something about it.

He started buying fireworks.

The kids all got a small allowance for doing chores and most of them would spend it on candy or movies in town, but Beyond starting stowing his away. He waited a week or two and then he didn’t have anymore patience, so he pick pocketed Roger for just a few more dollars and then he headed out and he bought armfuls of firecrackers, big ones and small ones and illegal ones and cheap ones and he hid them in the bell tower, where he’d discovered a good hiding spot under a loose floorboard.

He was going to wait for the perfect timing to set them all off at once. The rest of the kids would be excited for classes to stop and everyone would be happy to see a firework show and Roger would be mad, sure, but at least people would be paying attention to him. He daydreamed about it a lot, his face cupped in his hands, smiling at the thought, drifting off during school. It would be the coolest firework show in the world and all the rest of the kids at the house would cheer and want to be his friend and maybe they’d, like, carry him around on their shoulders and then they’d rename him and instead of Backup, maybe they’d call him Best or Brilliant or something and everyone would tell him how much they loved him and how cool he was.

He wasn’t sure when the perfect time would be until Able came into their room one night with a fierce glint in their eye, their miserable numbers hanging above their head. Beyond was lying on his bed on his stomach with his feet kicked up, reading. He’d only barely started to grow his hair out, mostly just because no one was around to tell him to cut it anymore, and he constantly had to brush the tight curls out of his eyes. He looked up at Able from underneath them and Able grinned down at him, wrapping their hands around the ladder that led up to their bed. They leaned back and let the ladder support them, swinging a little, a game they frequently played between them and the strength of the ladder. Beyond thought that it was so old that one day it’d snap and Able would go flying back and land right on their butt. He didn’t know how to tell them that, though.

They had spent nearly the entire time Beyond had been there ignoring each other and keeping to themselves.

“Mr Wammy is coming by next week,” Able said and they grinned.

“Oh,” said Beyond.

“You’re too new, you never met him,” Able said.

“I met him,” Beyond said. He shut his book and sat up and shook his head to get his curls out of his eyes. They fell right back in place when he stopped. “He interviewed me before I came. He interviews everyone.”

“When he gets here, he’ll give some sort of speech in the hall and then we’ll all have a really big dinner.”

Everyone would be in the hall, huh? Beyond pictured seeing lights go off from behind the stained glass windows. Everyone would turn around in surprise and then all the kids would run out and they’d all stand in the yard and oo and ah loudly and then someone would cry, “It was Beyond!!” And he’d step out and everyone would applaud him and then he’d have 100 new friends and he’d be able to stop feeling so sad and alone and ignored all the time. He’d gain something back that the world had taken from him.

“It’d be cooler except I don’t really think Mr Wammy’s that great,” Able kept talking.

Something about Able made Beyond feel antsy sometimes. They had the kind of confidence he missed, the kind of loudness he’d had before his parents had died and he’d spent a miserable, miserable year in foster homes that had snuffed out that sort of special self-ness inside him. That much sorrow all at once can change you. Able made him miss himself, the lost parts of himself that he saw in them. It was an odd feeling.

There was something volatile about Able, something explosive in a good way and in a bad way and Beyond wondered where in his bruised, sad heart, all his explosions were hiding.

He thought they were under a floorboard in a bell tower in his heart somewhere.

“Well??” Able said and they leaned forward now and into Beyond’s space. “You on the moon or something? Hellooo!”

Able had expected Beyond to lean back or to become visibly uncomfortable, but he didn’t, so Able leaned in closer, close enough for Beyond to feel the heat of their skin.

“Well??” Able said again, just centimeters from Beyond’s face.

You can’t make me uncomfortable, Beyond thought bitterly. I make people uncomfortable. That’s my job.

So Beyond leaned in even closer and planted a kiss on Able’s nose.

Able shot back in shock and hit their head on the top bunk and cried out and real, honest, laughter burst out of Beyond for the first time in a while.

“What the-” Able was yelling, holding the spot they’d hit their head, and Beyond could hardly breathe with laughter, his hands around his stomach, tears blurring his vision.

“Do you got a crush on me, Backup!!” Able cried, both of their hands on top of their head and Beyond wanted to push his luck, now that he was having fun. Doing something stupid and explosive. He wanted something to blow up.

“I think you’ve got one on me,” Beyond said but he barely could through his laughter. “With you getting all close to me.”

“I could take you on!!” Able argued but some sort of grin was creeping onto their face to hear Beyond laugh.

“You could not!” Beyond replied and finally, he got a hold of himself enough to stand up out of bed, wiping tears out of his eyes. “Look, I’m an inch taller than you.”

Able eyed them almost suspiciously and then they let themself smile.

“I thought you were all shy,” Able said.

“I’m not shy,” Beyond said. “Just no one’s talking to me.”

“Then talk to me ,” Able said and as they did, Beyond remembered the numbers.

He hesitated two devastating seconds.

“Oh,” he said too late and Able’s smile fell just a little. “I mean, yeah, yeah, I will.”

“Okay,” Able said but they were obviously hurt.

Beyond tried to salvage this. But it’s not like he could be friends with Able!! They’d die so soon! There was no point and Beyond had already had a hard go of it. If he became friends with them now, it’d just break him when they died, he knew. And then it’d be his own fault for having gone and gotten close to them to begin with.

But at the same time, he had no one and one single kid out of all of them had finally offered to be his friend and he’d gone and blown it.

“Um,” he said and he fidgeted, trying to think of how to smooth it all over. He reached behind him and grabbed his book. Maybe he could change the subject. “Do you like to read? I’m reading this book right now about these kids who can see ghosts. You can borrow it if you want.”

“I don’t like to read,” Able said. “Ghosts are dumb.”

“Ghosts aren’t dumb,” Beyond said back defensively.

“Books are dumb,” Able said and then they grabbed the ladder again and started to climb it.

“You’re dumb,” Beyond said.

Able sat up on their bed and stared down at Beyond.

“You’re dumb, Backup .”

You got me there, Beyond thought.

He wanted to do something else, argue or something, but the fight was going out of him and having no friends really, really sucked, so he just sat back down on his bed and held his book in his hands and fought the lump in his throat.

He missed himself. He missed the days when everything was fun and when he was good at making new friends. He missed feeling happy.

He thought about his firecrackers and he leaned back on his bed and hugged his ghost book to his chest and dreamed about Mr Wammy’s visit when he’d light them all on fire. That would fix everything.

Chapter Text

One thing that brought Beyond a lot of satisfaction despite the fact that all his teachers and classmates continued to call him Backup was the fact that when he looked in the mirror, the word he saw was Beyond. Backup wasn’t his name. That wasn’t who he was, he was nobody’s backup. In fact once he was through with the world, L would be his backup!! It brought him a great deal of peace to see his own reflection and think of this. He reminded himself of it everytime someone said ‘Backup’ and in his head, he corrected them. ‘Beyond’, he’d think. It’s ‘Beyond’.

Able leered the word at him sometimes, still stung that Beyond had reacted so poorly to their offer of friendship. When he’d had to introduce himself to the other kids weeks ago, his codename almost always invoked a stunned and pitied silence for a few seconds. A few of them had even said ‘I’m sorry’ and he’d just stare in frustration at the nice, normal names above all their heads and the kinder codenames they’d been given.

He had a lot of power here, he thought sometimes. He wasn’t supposed to know anyone’s names, but he knew everyone’s. Everyone’s best kept secret, secrets not even Roger had on file, and Beyond had them all right in front of him anytime he wanted.

Not that he’d do anything with them. He just thought it was funny, that was all. Ironic. This was another thing he turned around in his head frequently. He’d think about it sometimes when Able frowned at him during school or was bitterly quiet before they both went to bed. ‘ Backup ,’ Able would practically hiss. ‘Ashley,’ Beyond would think and then he would laugh bitterly to himself in his head. They could glare at him all they wanted, but Beyond knew their secret and he knew when they’d die and he knew what his own name was, too, and none of this could bother him.

(It did bother him. But he told himself it didn’t.)

The week between his fun-turned-tense conversation with Able and Mr Wammy’s visit when Beyond planned to set off the fireworks that would fix everything, Beyond and Able very nearly became enemies. The air between them became more and more frigid every day. Able was clearly expecting an apology that Beyond was determined not to give-he was a very prideful child and besides, he’d only said “oh”!! And that wasn’t even that bad!! Able should get over it, Beyond thought.

That Monday, the day after the conversation, they didn’t speak. They didn’t ordinarily speak much anyway, but the silence that day was chilly. Both Beyond and Able refused to cave.

Tuesday, Able tripped Beyond on his way to the pencil sharpener in class and he bit it hard. In retaliation, Beyond stole their backpack from under their seat while they were busy taking furious notes and broke every pencil and pen they had in half.

Wednesday, Able elbowed Beyond and laughed loudly when his lunchtray landed food side up on the ground. While he was cleaning it up off the tile, he tied Able’s shoelaces together and laughed just as loudly when they tripped over themself trying to get up from their table, where they sat totally alone in the corner. Beyond himself sat alone in the opposite corner. They glared at each other from either side of the hall and stewed in miserable loneliness.

Thursday, Beyond decided to get a headstart and he spread butter on the rungs on Able’s ladder before they woke up so that they’d slip coming down. And slip they did, hard enough to have bruises on their butt and back good enough to compare to the scrapes Beyond had gotten on his hands from when he’d been tripped on Monday. And for a second, as Beyond watched them sitting on the ground, tears of shock welling in their eyes, he thought he’d gone too far and that they’d tell Roger. That is, until they’d reached forward and pulled a whole water gun out from under the bed and used it to drench Beyond, pajamas and bed sheets and mattress and all, which was a terrible, terrible surprise for Beyond.

Friday, they upped the ante and it was starting to feel like a game and Beyond was starting to… Have fun?? It baffled him because all they were doing was trying to wreck each other, but he still felt the fizzle of the fireworks that had been in his heart before everything terrible that could have ever happened to him happened and it made him excited. It made him happy. In some sort of weird way, he had a friend.

He was still conflicted about really, truly having Able as a friend because he could see the heartbreak down the road written above their head plain as day, but at the same time… He was so, so lonely. And Able was so like him. He didn’t want to be alone.

On Friday, he filled Able’s shoes with mashed potatoes he stole from the kitchen and Able filled his shampoo bottle with vinegar and vegetable oil.

“You’re lucky,” Able said. “I didn’t go for your stupid books. I could have, you know. Dipped them in water or something.”

They said this from the top bunk once the lights had been shut off.

“If you do that, I’ll shave your head while you sleep,” Beyond said. “Eyebrows and all.”

Able snort-laughed and Beyond couldn’t help a smile from spreading across his face in the dark.

“I’ll steer clear, then.”

Beyond thought for a minute. What was off-limits for Able? What was too far? Did they have, like… Hobbies? What did they love? They seemed to spend most of their time doing homework or moping around, looking for someone to make miserable.

After a few minutes, Beyond spoke up again.

“Able?”

“What.”

“What do you like?”

The bed shifted around Beyond, which he had come to recognize as Able above him rolling over.

“Nothing,” they said.

“Ha ha,” Beyond said. “Really.”

Able was quiet for another minute and Beyond waited in the dark and listened to them breathe.

“I like sports,” they finally admitted. “All sports. I’m good at them. Soccer and hockey and football and-“ They laughed a little. “Frisbee.”

“Are there any teams around here?”

“No.”

“You got any sports stuff here?”

“No.”

“What?? Not even, like, a football?”

“I did, but no one wanted to play with me, so I threw it away.”

For some reason, although Able didn’t even sound particularly emotional, this admittance struck Beyond right to the core. They’d just thrown it away ?? They were that lonely?? This little story seemed to Beyond absolutely heart-wrenching and he thought about it all night and dreamed about footballs.

On Saturday, Able soaked Beyond’s pillow in ice water before they went to bed, but then felt bad and gave him theirs in a sudden and too sincere apologetic gesture. Beyond had been about to stick a twisted piece of metal he’d found in the yard up through their mattress to poke them, but he stopped when they gave up their pillow and he stashed the metal under his bed next to the home of Able’s now refueled water gun.

Sunday was the night of Mr Wammy’s visit and Beyond and Able had finally agreed to eat meals together. Able’s death date was always at the back of Beyond’s mind and something inside him warred. One small part of him was made up of fear and screamed at him to cut this out now before he caused bigger problems for himself in the future-not even the really distant future, a future date that he knew down to the hour. But a larger and more overwhelming part of him just couldn’t leave Able alone. The more time they spent together, the more Beyond became obsessed with his new friend. He loved everything about them, even their mean streak. Especially their mean streak. He couldn’t just stop now.

Able, however, never one to let anything go even as a 12 year old kid, was still waiting on that apology. Everything else they’d done to each other up to then seemed to be a null point in Able’s mind, that the blows had cancelled each other out and were less sincere. But that one rejection of Able’s original sincerity was still a sin that hadn’t yet been erased and until Beyond made it right, Able was withholding a part of their love from him. They’d refuse to act too excited to see him or talk to him, always too cool, and Beyond knew it was because of this because on Saturday evening, when Beyond practically ran to meet them at the dinner table, sliding into his seat and ramming into their shoulder, grinning, Able had looked up, clearly forcing themself to look bored, and had said, “Why so excited? I thought you didn’t want to be my friend.”

Beyond had turned red and stammered, “No, no, it wasn’t like that.”

Able rolled their eyes and put a spoonful of beans into their mouth.

“Whatever, Backup.”

But even then, Beyond hadn’t apologized. Part of it was the pride, of course, but part of it was also just the fact that he didn’t know how.

Able had broken the tension this time by reaching over and pulling one of the curls in front of Beyond’s eyes and letting it spring back into place. They giggled.

“You should grow it out longer. It’s cute,” Able said before putting another spoonful of food into their mouth and Beyond nearly blushed.

When he’d realized that he was aroace years later, he thought that this would help him be very stoic and heartless and that no one would ever have any sort of sway over his heart and that that might be an upside to the whole ‘never being able to fall in love’ thing. The discovery, after all, had sort of broken his heart because he’d always loved romance stories and he’d been waiting for years for That Special Someone who would make him feel magical things he’d only then started to suspect were elaborate lies. However, upon a very quick review of his life, he’d realized that an infatuation-free life would not be a ‘perk’ he’d receive. He was very quick to ‘crush’ on someone or become entirely enamored with them, although it was undoubtedly platonic, and he had it bad for Able. (He would later be struck similarly by Naomi, although he hadn’t quite expressed to her just the extent of his feelings.) By the end of the week, thinking about Able made his heart flutter, like he had to jump up and down with the excitement of it all fizzling inside him, so much excess love that he could hardly contain it. He hung on their every word. He counted down the time to seeing them again. He fought to sit next to them in classes.

And he realized, in becoming close to them, he’d nearly forgotten about the way his heart had felt dead for the past year. His fireworks were coming back. Able was distracting him from the way he’d been so depressed and he was feeling more like himself. It was sort of magical, he thought. Able was bringing him back to life.

Sunday night finally arrived. Mr Wammy was starting his speech in the hall and Beyond couldn’t wait for Able to see what he’d been planning. He hadn’t shown up at all to the speech to begin with. He’d told Able he’d meet them there and that he was going to the bathroom, and then, he ran up to the bell tower.

Once he arrived, he was shocked to find that the lights were already on-someone was in the room.

He stepped inside just far enough to see. It was Able , crouched on the ground by his hiding spot, rooting through it.

“Able!” Beyond cried and Able whirled around.

“Backup!” They cried and then a grin split over their face. “The fireworks are yours . Duh!!”

“Yeah, they’re mine,” Beyond said. He fingered the box of matches in his pocket, running his thumb over the striking side. “How did you know about my hiding spot??”

“Uh, it’s my hiding spot,” Able said. They were looking up at him and grinning huge, like this whole thing was funny. They grabbed something and then turned back to him and held it up. “I hid these earlier.”

Beyond stepped forward and Able deposited the contents into his hands.

“Are these stink bombs?” Beyond gasped and Able began to cackle. (Really, cackle . A 12 year old, cackling. It was ridiculous.)

“I don’t want to sit through Wammy’s speech,” they said. “I was gonna make sure I don’t have to.”

Beyond started to grin, too.

“I love these things,” he said. “I used to make them at home.”

“I imagine you have a firework show planned?” Able asked and Beyond nodded excitedly.

Able stood up now, the rest of the stink bombs in their hands and they looked excited, and then something occurred to them and their smile melted.

“What?” Beyond said.

Able reached forward and took back their bombs.

“I could just take your fireworks for myself,” Able said. “Use them to blow up a wall or something. Tell everyone they’re mine.”

“Why would you do that??” Beyond cried.

“Cause you said it,” Able said. “We aren’t friends. I’m not cool enough for you or something.”

“No, no, Able, that’s not it,” Beyond said.

“You said it,” Able said again and then, they turned back around and scooped up the fireworks too, their hands and arms so full they could hardly carry it all.

Now was the time, Beyond realized. To apologize.

Except… Able really shouldn’t be so mad!! It wasn’t fair!! It was just one stupid mistake a whole week ago!! He didn’t even really say anything. He wasn’t going to just give up and submit because it was stupid. He wasn’t just going to let anyone yank him around for something so ridiculous, not when he was the one supposed to be the best, when the world should be apologizing to him .

He frowned.

“You’re being really dumb about this,” he said.

Able’s face hardened. Beyond expected them to say more, but instead, they pushed past him, fireworks in hand, and started down the stairs.

Beyond started.

“Hold on!!” He cried after them in surprise. “Those are mine!!”

“Screw you!” Able yelled back as they carried Beyond’s only hope at happiness away.

Chapter Text

“Stop!!” Beyond yelled and he tripped over himself to chase Able. They both sprinted down the winding bell tower staircase, both screaming, and Beyond was already starting to lose his breath by the time they reached the bottom, being much less athletic than Able. “Stop it, Able!!” he wheezed as they burst out of the tower and onto the grassy lawn of the group home. “Stop!”

“No!” Able cried.

Beyond had planned to set the fireworks off at a very specific spot outside, a place where everyone would be best able to see them and then see him , and Able was going the exact opposite direction. Beyond couldn’t hardly breathe from the exertion of it all, but he forced himself to go faster.

The first home Beyond arrived at after his dad died was an apartment with one mom who already had three other kids. Beyond slept on the couch for two weeks and he cried himself to sleep every night. He felt so lost and empty.

As he cried into the couch cushions one particular night, rubbing his face off on his ratty sleeping shirt, he realized that everything hurt too much. He’d always been impulsive and sort of dumb, which was a real hindrance for him, but this was the beginning of his becoming astronomically worse. As he laid there on a stranger’s couch in an apartment too small for all the people living there, he felt the itch in his heart to do something awful.

The first thing he saw when he looked up was a framed photo on the wall of his foster mother and her kids and he got up off the couch and took the picture out of the frame, not knowing what he was doing until a second before he was doing it, and he scribbled out all the faces, and then he hung it back up.

Then he did that to every single picture there.

The last straw in this home, however, was a month later when he put one of the other kid’s cell phone down the sink disposal and broke both and when the mother confronted him about it, all he could do was laugh himself into hysterical tears and he didn’t know why.

He was sent to another home within the week, but that’s when he realized what was going on. He didn’t care what happened to him was all. His heart was a hollowed out spot in his chest. He didn’t care if he stepped in front of a speeding bus. He didn’t care if he ended up on the street. He didn’t care if he flunked out of every grade in school. It was like he couldn’t care anymore. It was like he was too tired. It scared him.

At the next home, he punched a hole into a wall.

At the next one, he busted an expensive record collection.

At the next one, he got into too many fights at school with a kid who kept yanking his curls.

On the other side of Wammy’s, Able finally stopped. Beyond skidded to a stop, his hands on his knees, completely out of breath. Able, on the other hand, didn’t even seem to mind the run.

Beyond heaved breaths, his sneakers digging into muddy grass, the moon up behind him and the side of the brick Wammy’s building before him.

“You can’t set them off without matches!!” He cried when he was able to and he stood up. “And I have them!!”

Able pulled a match box out of their pocket. His matchbox.

Oh.

“How dumb do you think I am?!” They cried back. “You didn’t even notice!”

“Please,” Beyond switched to pleading and fast. “Please, Able, give them back.”

“No!”

“Why?!”

“What do you mean, why!! I don’t have any reason to do anything nice to you!! You were mean to me!”

“That was not mean!”

“Yes it was, too! And I hate you!”

Beyond nearly threw his hands up.

“Able, it’s not fair!! Give it back!!”

“Say sorry!”

“No!”

“Say it!” Able dropped most of the things in their hands to the ground and then struck a match and held up a firework. A threat.

“No!”

For a second, Able’s whole face went red with rage and then sucked in a breath, their chest rising, and they brought the match to the firework.

“Wait!!” Beyond leapt forward and Able lept back. The firework was still unlit. “Why can’t you just give it back!”

Able looked enraged. They blew out the match in their hand and threw it to the ground and then scooped up the rest of the fireworks at their feet.

“Fuck you!!” They screamed and they ran again.

Beyond took a millisecond to suck in a breath and groan to himself and then he began to run again.

“I’m gonna get an asthma attack and die !” He screeched through heaved breaths as he ran after Able. “And then you’ll go to jail for manslaughter!”

“No I won’t because nobody would care if you died, asshole!”

“Nobody-” wheeze, wheeze, wheeze- “would care if YOU-” wheeze, wheeze “d-die-” wheeze

He didn’t really have asthma. He was just very out of shape and Able was fast.

His broken heart drug him from home to home that year. Lots of days, he’d lay in his bed and refuse to get up or go to school because he just couldn’t see the point of it anymore. He’d start off making trouble as soon as he could in any given household almost trying to get kicked out, almost wanting it.

He missed his old friends in his old school. He missed his mom and dad. He missed the happy, fun, nice person he used to be, the fireworks that used to be in his heart. The fireworks that were now held hostage in Able’s arms.

He chased Able to the other side of the house where they finally stopped again and Beyond nearly collapsed into the grass with exhaustion. (How could Able run this fast?!)

They stopped and threw their things to the ground again and lit another match. It didn’t work. They threw that one down and lit two more together. They didn’t work either. Able threw them down angrily and took out more.

“Able-” Beyond wheezed. “Please!!”

“Why didn’t you want to be my friend!!” Able cried.

“It’s not like that!”

Able struck another match and was starting to hold it up to a firework now, but they couldn’t hold it still to put the flame to the end of it and Beyond looked up at their face to realize they were starting to cry, their shoulders shaking.

Finally, they threw the firework down and looked up at him.

“Why??” Able cried and they looked almost… Anguished. Tears brimmed in their eyes. “ Why didn’t you want to be my friend?! Why do you look at me the way you do!!” They looked down at the match in their hand and sucked in a breath and tears gushed down their cheeks. “No one wants to be my friend ever, not even you! Why?!”

Beyond was stunned.

The match burned down slowly towards Able’s fingers.

“I just thought, I thought we seemed alike, you were cool, I thought you’d like me, but now I can’t stop thinking about-about the way you looked at me! I know I’m not cool like you and I’m dumb and annoying and everything, but I really-I got excited and-and I just can’t stop thinking about it, that something about me made you not like me at first.”

The match burned down to Able’s fingertips and singed them before going out and they yelped and dropped it on the ground.

“Ow!!” They screamed and cried harder. “Shit!!”

“Able,” Beyond breathed.

“Owww,” Able sobbed, holding their hand. They really weren’t burned hardly at all-the tips of two fingers were going a tiny bit white-but it was a good cover for their tears.

“Let’s find some cold water,” Beyond said and he ran forward and grabbed their arm to pull them inside, but Able yanked away.

“No!” They cried. “Tell me why I’m not cool like you and why everyone hates me!!”

All of Beyond’s insides were deflated. He felt like his heart had been smushed right into the pavement by a steamroller, and right when it had started to turn back on after this year of deep depression. It hurt . Before he knew it, he was crying, too.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m sorry I was like that to you Able, I think you’re the coolest! You’re cooler than me, I wanted to be your friend, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings!”

“Everyone always hates me,” Able wept bitterly. They scrubbed at their cheeks with their not-burnt hand. “I don’t mean to be so annoying. I try not to be, I-”

“You’re not annoying!” Beyond protested. “It was my fault! I was just… I was stupid, I thought you were cooler than me !”

How could he tell them that he was scared of the pain their untimely demise would cause him one day? That he’d thought he’d had enough sorrow for a lifetime?

He couldn’t, that was all.

“And I was scared of getting to know you because I’m brand new here and my parents just died and foster care sucked and I haven’t felt like myself in a whole year! I’ve just been sad all the time, like all the time. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings!”

It’s not that this was a lie. It just wasn’t the whole truth. It was a different truth.

“I really like you Able!” Beyond cried. “I really, really do!”

This, however. This was disastrously true.

Able was still crying and they looked at him and then suddenly, they slammed themself into him in a desperate hug. Beyond wrapped them up and Able cried and squeezed him so hard he thought his ribcage creaked.

“I like you, too,” they sobbed.

“I’m sorry!” Beyond said again and then he said it again and again. And he didn’t think he ever would have. But he did.

He was still a ridiculously prideful kid. It’s just that he was willing to put his pride aside for one single person now and that was it. Just Able.

“Wait,” Able said through their tears, pulling away for just a second. “Your fireworks. We still gotta set them off, you know!!”

Beyond took Able back to the place he’d picked at the bottom of the hill and then, he pulled apart his match box to discover that they only had one left.

Able was still wiping their face off and they grinned at him through the tears.

“You know what this means,” they said. “We gotta go fast.”

They set off firework after firework with this one match as fast as they could, singing fingers and losing fireworks in the wrong directions, laughing raucously, and in the end, they only set off about five of the fireworks, but somehow, Beyond thought it was okay.

They laid there in the grass and watched the dust in the sky fade away in the shapes of explosions and heard the house behind them going crazy and Able spoke, finally in control of their tears.

“Backup is a really bad name for you,” they said.

“Tell me about it,” Beyond said.

“Must suck a lot.”

“It does.”

“Must kinda… Hurt your feelings.”

“... Yeah.”

“So let’s change it,” Able said. Beyond looked over at them. They were still looking up at the sky, their face red and smiling, and Beyond felt fireworks in his heart.

This was how Beyond and Able came to be best friends.

This is a doodle I did of the photo Beyond stole from Wammy's a few chapters ago. They're both about 17 in this picture.

Chapter Text

That evening, as they finally made it to the hotel in Tokyo, Naomi received the call from L, but she didn’t answer it because she assumed it was from Raye and she didn’t have the energy to talk to him then. She let it ring while she and Beyond got dinner and then they went to sleep.

She woke up that night when the mattress under her shifted and hands rested on her shoulders.

“Naomi,” Beyond whispered.

Naomi’s eyes flew open in shock and she pulled herself up. Beyond was sitting next to her on the bed, characteristically too close for comfort. His left eye, the one he was losing sight in, was starting to lose its color just a little, and it was especially unsettling in the dark with only the moonlight through the curtains illuminated his face. He’d taken the bandages off his nose and purple and yellow bruises were left behind, but at least his stuffed up way of talking was gone with the splint.

“What’s wrong?” Naomi said.

“It’s alright, it’s okay,” Beyond was saying. “Don’t panic. Nothing’s happening.”

“Then why did you wake me up?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

She put her hands on his shoulders now and pushed him back a comfortable distance.

“You not sleeping is becoming a pattern. Do we need to get you a benadryl or something?”

“I want you to come on a walk with me. I want to think about Able. Please.”

“Benadryl-… Benadryl-… Aw, I can’t think of another b word.”

“It’s only because you’re tired-you still have a very sharp mind, Misora. Will you please walk with me?”

Naomi sat up a little further and rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock by the bed. Beyond was scooting closer to her and she let him. It was 4:23 am.

“A walk??” She said incredulously. “At 4am??”

“Yes,” Beyond said. He sounded perfectly awake. Naomi wondered if he’d ever gone to sleep at all, just laid in bed and waited until she herself was asleep. “I know you wouldn’t want me to leave without you. But I think I’m close to figuring something out.”

“And you couldn’t wait until the morning?”

“No.”

Naomi reached over finally and pulled the lamp on. Beyond looked quite serious. He was right, she didn’t want him to leave without her and, well, she was a little curious about what was going on in his head. So she got up and put on her clothes and pulled her now-dirty hair back into a ponytail and they left.

The night in Tokyo where they were staying was quieter than Naomi would have expected. They weren’t too deep in the city and the lights were still bright, but all the people were gone from the sidewalks and the streets were quiet. It had rained a little and the ground shone with it.

Naomi and Beyond walked around the block. She let him lead, still half asleep herself.

“Doesn’t walking tire you?”

“It does very much. But I still like it.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes. It’s starting to hurt less, though.” He had his hands in his pockets. He was wearing one of the newer sweaters he’d stolen for himself that afternoon and he looked thoughtful.

“Why are we out here?”

“I’m brainstorming about Able. Also, I have something to tell you.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, L called you this afternoon. I only know because I was using your phone while you were sleeping to play games. You can check the history, I really was. And it sort of got me thinking about some things. I don’t think you really hate me now, not really, but I want to know if you trust me. Because he definitely knows we’re together and if he calls you again, he might tell you some funny things and I want you to believe me and not him.”

Naomi watched Beyond’s face. He was careful not to show much.

“What will he tell me, Beyond.”

“I don’t know, lies.”

Naomi was quiet.

They turned a corner onto a darker street. She clung a little closer to his side then, which was silly because if something were to happen at all, of course she would be the one defending them both. But she was starting to feel a little sick too, suspicious, and she wanted the comfort of closeness.

“Anyway, I just want you to believe me and not him. So do you trust me.”

“I think it depends.”

It was beginning to rain again. Naomi pulled her hood up and Beyond did the same. She couldn’t see his face as well now.

“On what.”

“I don’t know.”

He woke her up to let her know she could trust him, she realized. He wanted her to consider that as he posed this question. If he’d just wanted to go, he could have gone. He didn’t have to tell her that L had called. He was trying to win her trust.

They passed a few eerily dark store windows. They gave Naomi the creeps. She avoided Beyond’s eyes.

“You’re a very trusting person, Naomi, and that’s something I actually really admire about you. Not everyone can just do that like you do. Able was my friend, but now you are too and I never really had two friends before. I just really, really need to know that if it comes down to it, you’ll trust our friendship before you trust whatever bullshit L tries to feed you.”

“What are you so worried he’ll say??” Naomi said. She stopped and Beyond kept going, so she grabbed his arm and yanked him back.

“Ow!” He said.

“You’re making me think you have a secret,” Naomi said.

“I don’t,” Beyond insisted. He threw up his hands and Naomi let his elbow go. “I just know that L’s a liar and he won’t want you being with me, so he’ll tell you whatever to make you leave or make you think I lied to you instead of the other way around. He’ll push buttons.”

“He doesn’t know we’re together.”

A smile finally cracked over Beyond’s face.

“Aw, you see,” he said. “I think that’s your trusting nature, Misora. He definitely knows and that’s why he called. He just put two and two together. It was bound to happen.” He smiled at her again and then looked around himself. The drizzle was starting to seep through Naomi’s clothes and she shivered. “I’m starving, we should find something to eat before we go back, too.”

“I’m a ‘hostage’, remember, even if L lied to me, I couldn’t leave according to our cover story.”

“He’ll try anyway. See what happens. To test whether or not you really are a hostage.”

Naomi looked up at Beyond and shivered again in the cold and then he pulled his sweater off of himself, slowly and carefully so he was left in only a shirt, and then helped her into it.

“We’re friends, right?” Beyond said.

“Ah, Bangkok,” Naomi said. “Benadryl Bangkok.”

Beyond smiled.

“Good one.”

Naomi looked out at the streetlights in thought. His words echoed in her head. We’re friends, right ?

Then, lightning cracked loudly and rain began to pour. Naomi cried out and Beyond threw his hands up over his head and then Naomi spotted a storefront a block away with an awning and she grabbed him and ran.

Once under the awning, they were both drenched. Beyond, having given up his sweater, was shivering harder and Naomi wanted to give his sweater back now, but it was soaking wet and she didn’t know if it’d actually do him any good anymore, so instead, to make up for it, she reached over with both hands and rubbed his arms up and down to help him warm up, yanking him closer and breathing hot on her palms to heat him up. He got stiff fast and she almost thought he held his breath.

“What are you doing??” He said.

“Trying to make sure you don’t catch a cold.”

She looked up. His face went red. Was he… Blushing ?? Had Naomi Misora actually embarrassed Beyond Birthday?? Beyond, the hideously shameless and unembarrassable?? She almost stopped warming him up in surprise.

Ha, she thought. A secret weapon. I’ve figured out the one thing that embarrasses him.

“That is very kind of you, Misora,” he choked. “I know you don’t like to touch me.”

“Well,” Naomi said. She breathed on her hands again and kept going. “If we want to finish this mission and get on with our lives, I have to have you healthy, don’t I, Birthday?”

“Excellent point, Misora,” Beyond said, but his teeth were starting to chatter and he looked like he could melt into the ground. His whole face was still beet red despite the awkward attempt at confidence in his voice. “I one hundred percent agree.”

And in that moment, she felt like they were friends. She wanted to be friends. She remembered the rule she’d made for herself about getting too close to him, but she’d already broken the first rule a hundred times over anyway. And when he was gone and Raye was gone, she’d be so alone. He didn’t deserve friendship maybe, but didn’t she deserve it? And she just wanted it, she wanted him.

So she cracked.

“Alright,” she said. Her touch didn’t seem to be working that well because his teeth were chattering loudly and his skin was still cold, so she pulled him into a hug to share some of her warmth. He held himself stiffly, like he didn’t know what was happening, but he was still shaking like a leaf. She rubbed his back up and down with her hands, hoping she was helping. “Alright, fine.”

“Fine?? Y-Y-You t-t-t-trust me-e-e?”

“Yes. I’m probably the stupidest person alive, but yeah, I think I do.”

She could hear a smile in his voice that made her feel warm just to hear.

“I’m s-s-s-so g-g-glad.”

She pulled back from him now and took his shoulders in her hands and looked him square in the eye sternly. She’d been right, he was grinning big.

“Don’t make me regret it, Beyond.”

“I w-w-w-won’t.”

They waited for the rain to let up, trying in vain to keep each other warm. If anything, it only got worse, to the point where it was hard to hear each other over the sound of the rain. Naomi would have called for a cab, except she’d left her phone in the hotel room-a dumb move made by a mostly asleep her. Naomi had offered to put both sopping wet sweaters back onto Beyond, but he refused, unwilling to touch the freezing fabric.

Naomi was starting to shiver harder too when she recognized his thinking face, the way he drew back a little mentally, the way his eyes glazed over, his fingers, never still, rubbing the edge of the hood of her sweater.

She was about to ask what he was thinking of when he sucked in a breath. Naomi practically saw a light bulb turn on over his head. She grabbed his elbow.

“What!” She shouted over the rain. He didn’t hear so she shouted again.

“I have an idea!!”

“About what!”

“Clues to find Able!”

She was about to ask him to go on when instead, he jumped out from under the awning and back into the rain and began to sprint.

Chapter Text

Able and Beyond laid out on the grass in the yard and watched the sun go down. Able had been convinced to take a small (and rare) break from working and they lay side by side on their stomachs. Beyond rested his head on Able’s shoulder and Able had a coloring book in front of them that they were coloring entirely in black crayon.

“What do you think it’ll be?” Able asked. They colored Cinderella’s skirt black, and then her pumpkin carriage.

“What’ll what be.”

“You know.”

Beyond groaned and sat up, smoothing his hair back tiredly. It sprung back up in his face.

This was after the fireworks and after Beyond had decided to throw his first place spot for Able. He had been self-sabotaging very carefully for a few months now and so far, no one had noticed. The only thing was that he had to pretend to study and push himself before Able would be satisfied. If he slacked, Able would get upset. They wanted to win a fair fight. But Beyond was starting to miss Able. They spent a tremendous amount of time working, which said a lot because they’d always cared very deeply about school, but now they barely spent any time with Beyond. He wanted to wreak some havoc with them, do some damage, have some fun. He wanted them to remind him they loved him.

“We’ve talked about this a million times,” he said.

“So just give me an answer then and I’ll shut up.”

“I don’t know what it’ll be Able and frankly I want to stop thinking about it.”

“Well, I want to think about it.”

“Then think about it on your own.” Beyond pulled himself to his feet now, irritated. The sun was halfway behind the buildings in front of them, the sky all orange and glowing and hot on his face. He sort of hated his life right then, caught between Able’s pain and the promise of yet another long, tiring night.

“I kind of want a giant piano to be dropped on my head in the street, you know?”

“Oh, my god.”

“Or you know, I was thinking too, it’d be super cool to be shot to death, you know, like just a million holes.”

“That wouldn’t be cool.”

“I don’t really want to drown, but I guess I’d take it. It’s dramatic. I want something dramatic. What do you think?” Able looked up finally and Beyond looked down. He let his curls fall in his face. Able had colored in nearly every image on the page black so the entire thing was just a deliberate black hole of darkness, a moonless night sky where something pretty used to be.

“What do I think about what.”

“How am I gonna die?”

“A, this isn’t what normal sixteen year olds talk about.”

“Since when have we been normal sixteen year olds?”

“I kind of want to be for one damn second.”

“You see people’s deaths , Bee, that’s not normal.”

“I know , Able. Fuck.”

“So just talk it through with me.”

“No!”

“What if I, like, get sick. That’d suck.”

Beyond turned around and walked away.

Able scrambled to their feet and followed him, their coloring book and black crayon abandoned. They took out their flower hair clip and reclipped their bangs and then did it again. Nervous habit. At least they weren’t clicking it open and closed and open and closed, the way they did when they got real antsy.

“What if I have some sort of terminal illness. Will you mourn me, Bee?”

“Able-”

“Well?”

“No, because you’re an asshole. When you die, I’ll just laugh. I’ll go to your funeral and talk about how happy I am I don’t have anyone following me around anymore and being dumb.”

“I’ll say the same thing about you to all my brand new ghost friends,” Able said. “And then we’ll haunt the shit out of you.”

“Fine, do it,” Beyond said.

Able reached up and rapped their special knock against the side of his head.

“Stop walking so fast, I can’t keep up.”

“Stop being so short.”

“I’m not short, it’s not my fault you’re fifty feet tall.”

Over the years, Beyond had gotten his fireworks back. He wasn’t that sad, depressed little kid anymore. He felt like himself most of the time.

At least, he did until Able started talking the way they did.

The next afternoon, Able wanted to experiment. They didn’t tell Beyond what they wanted, just that they were going somewhere and they were bringing him with. They dragged him down the street a few blocks, but when they got there, the ‘surprise’ became obvious and Beyond instantly felt uncomfortable.

They were at a nursing home, a veritable garden of low numbers. The second Beyond saw it, he whirled around and started walking in the other direction, but Able grabbed him and yanked him back. It was just Beyond’s luck to always be surrounded by friends, both Able and Naomi, who had ten times the muscle mass on him despite his height. His lanky noodle arms weren’t very useful at times like these.

“Able,” Beyond groaned. “I hate these places.”

Able put both hands on his elbows and rubbed their thumbs in small circles on his arms, the way they did when they wanted to talk about something Serious and they were trying to comfort him enough to stick out the conversation with them.

“Does it scare you? Or depress you?”

“Both!”

“Uh, alright, okay, but like, is it tolerable??”

Beyond groaned again.

“I mean…”

“Because the stakes are sort of high, Bee. You know?”

“You want to experiment with their numbers??”

Able made a noncommittal face.

“I mean…” They said and waggled their head to the side and back. “Yes?”

Beyond fidgeted. Able rubbed his arms. He looked around himself, trying to find anywhere except the looming nursing home and Able’s face to look into.

“I thought you said we were gonna do something fun.”

“I didn’t say fun.”

“So what do you want to do?? Kill them?!”

“No!” Able cried and they finally let his arms go. They started to pace. “No, just… I dunno. Nurses, y-you know… They, uh, make m-mistakes all the time. I just want to see, you know, if someone makes a mistake while we’re there, if that... Changes anything.”

They were stammering?? Maybe they were just as scared as Beyond. No, Beyond thought. They’re more scared. They’re the one on the chopping block in very little time.

“Do you have a solid plan??”

“Yes? Sort of? We go in there and sign up to, like, volunteer or whatever and then we come here every weekend for like, a few months and we jot down names and numbers and stuff and we just like, keep an eye on it all. See if anyone dies before or after their numbers.”

Beyond didn’t know what had happened to him that he could see the things he could see, but along with said ability, he’d been given the knowledge of how to interpret those things. He’d just always known . He knew what numbers needed to be added or divided in order to come up with a death sentence and he knew that the final product meant death. He just… knew .

Of course, that didn’t mean that his knowledge about his ability was without holes because, of course, it was mostly holes. He didn’t know if the numbers could be defied. But he had the sinking feeling that they couldn’t be. After all, he’d never seen them change or become untrue before and he’d seen a disproportionate amount of death in his very young lifetime. And besides, it seemed to him like they were fate, destiny, unable to be changed, because if they could change, why have the numbers at all? If everything was up for debate anyway, then the numbers were basically meaningless and he knew that they weren’t.

But he wouldn’t tell that to Able. After all, these were all only things he was certain they’d thought before and he hated to tell them again and again that they were going to die, like he was some sort of executioner counting down the days, reminding his best friend of their worst nightmare. If they managed to scrape together any sort of hope that they could live, Beyond would support them wholeheartedly because what did he know? And it was more important that Able feel good than that they be right.

He remembered when Able had told him that they’d be happier for knowing their numbers. He’d thought then that they’d just told him whatever in order to get him to talk, but he’d begun to wonder if maybe, there was a time in which they’d believed it themself. That to know the end, they’d be happier. That plan backfired hard.

“Well?” Able turned to Beyond and looked up at him with desperation in their eyes. “Well??”

“Well what.”

“Will you help me? Please? I need your… Superpower.”

“Superpower?”

“Sure! You’re practically Superman, Bee!”

Beyond scoffed and folded his arms tightly in front of him, uncomfortable.

“You’re trying to butter me up,” he said. “Superman’s not convincing. He’s got actually good powers.”

“Okay, I dunno, fuckin’… Aquaman?” Able threw up their arms and Beyond couldn’t stop an amused smile and he sucked in a breath and looked down and scuffed his feet on the pavement and tried to fight the urge to tell Able that Aquaman was actually cool, too.

“You know I’ll do it, A,” Beyond finally cracked.

Chapter Text

Beyond and Able began working on real-life murder cases just over a year after Beyond had arrived at Wammy’s. They had been 13 then and were 16 now.

Autopsy pictures became normal. They spent ages looking at chopped up bodies and it became so ordinary that sometimes, Beyond would look at them and think, ‘that doesn’t look so hard. It’s terribly easy for people to die. They get killed every day and it doesn’t matter even a little.’

They never met any grieving families and never saw anyone they knew killed. It became more of a very sick game. He and Able would joke about it and at first they did it because what they’d seen was so terrible that they didn’t know how to process. Then, it just became normal. Beyond would look at his hands sometimes and wonder what it was like to have his fingers pulled apart segment by segment or what his insides would look like all spooled out, like the people in the pictures. What would it take in a person to do that to somebody else?? He knew it wasn’t exactly healthy but he didn’t know what to do it about and after such a long time thinking about death, he was curious. Besides, if he didn’t desensitize it, he didn’t know what he’d do. So the people in the pictures became games instead of humans and the killers in the stories became jokes instead of real life and that’s how he and Able lived.

They talked about what happened after death only two times. The first time, Able had asked what Beyond had thought came next and Beyond muttered something noncommittal and Able had clammed up all night and then gone to bed early. The second time was worse.

It had been on one late night when Able had spent all night studying for a test, which was definitely overkill. Beyond sat at the desk opposite them, his forehead pressed into the wood, dead asleep. Able had reached over and slapped the desk and Beyond jerked up and cried out in surprise.

“You have to stay up!!” Able said. There was something apologetic in their eyes behind those bright blue glasses, like they felt bad for having scared him like that but were trying too hard to be tough to actually apologize for it. “You gotta fight me, Bee.”

“Idontwannafight,” Beyond slurred tiredly. He rubbed at his eyes exhaustedly.

“If you don’t give this thing your all, then what are we doing it for?” Able said.

Beyond shrugged.

“Why do I gotta give L my all.”

“Uh, I dunno, because he’s the reason your sorry ass gets a roof over your head??” Able said.

“You’re tired, Able,” Beyond pleaded. “You’re mean when you’re tired. Let’s go to bed.”

“No,” Able said. “Tomorrow’s Saturday, we can sleep then.”

“Today’s Saturday you mean,” Beyond grumbled. The sun wasn’t up yet, but it was on it’s way and they’d already seen the end of Friday night.

He watched Able scribble more notes on a murder case in Wales and then, frustrated with it, they bored a hole into the paper with their pencil ferociously. Beyond watched it all yawning.

“I think it’s the street names,” Beyond finally said. “They all start with K, see? The next murder will be on a street starting with K.”

Able started down at their paper.

“I think it’s a coincidence.”

“That’s not what L would say.”

“How do you know, dipshit.”

“I dunno. I’m just right, that’s all.”

“There’s no correlation.”

“Maybe not yet.”

Able glared at Beyond and then glared at their paper and then after a minute, they wrote down Beyond’s idea. They were angry he was right.

Beyond nearly went back to sleep on top of the desk in the long, quiet minutes that followed, until Able spoke again.

“You’re the death expert,” they said quietly.

“What?” Said Beyond, his head snapping up. The air in the room shifted hard and Beyond thought it was suddenly colder.

“What happens. After we die.”

Beyond felt suddenly very put on the spot.

“How in the everloving fuck am I supposed to know that?”

“Okay, dumbass, what do you think happens??”

Deep inside him, Beyond thought it was oblivion. That nothing happened after you died. That everyone just… Went into the ground. And it scared him very, very much.

He also thought that in sharing his secret with Able, they had come to see him just a little differently. And he was stupid to have thought it wouldn’t be that way. I mean, fuck, he thought. ‘Death expert’?? What am I, the grim fucking reaper??

“Heaven, I guess,” he lied weakly.

Able stood up from their desk and collected their materials.

“Come on, let’s go to bed,” they said, which surprised Beyond. He watched them stand.

“I thought you wanted to stay?”

Able didn’t meet Beyond’s eyes but it became obvious quickly that they were thinking of their death date and they were deeply depressed by it. Beyond had been going to stay more, to argue a little just out of natural argumentativeness, but he stopped.

“I think there’s probably nothing,” Able said very, very quietly. Their eyes were trained on the ground. “Nothing at all.”

Beyond stood up and he didn’t know what to say and then Able started for the stairs. Beyond followed awkwardly.

“You know, if we leave now,” he tried weakly. “We can get ice cream just in time to be home again before everyone wakes up. If that’d cheer you up.”

Able didn’t answer.

“Able?”

Nothing. Quietly, he tried, “Ashley?”

He followed them into their bedroom, where Able dumped their school supplies on the floor and crawled up the ladder and into their bed.

Beyond stood at the ladder and looked up at them.

“I’m fine,” they finally said. “You can get ice cream if you want.”

Yikes. They weren’t usually this despondent. Beyond’s stomach twisted.

Beyond put his feet on the first rung on the ladder and held onto the sides and leaned in to get closer to them. A few pieces of his hair fell forward from the ponytail he’d tied at the nape of his neck and he brushed them off his face impatiently.

“It could be heaven,” he offered. “Lots of people think that.”

Able sat up from where they had been lying down and they looked at him. In the past, they’d cried about their death date, but there was something different in their eyes this time. They were wide and fearful, like a deer in the headlights, like a person faced with the unthinkable.

“You don’t believe that,” they said.

“I mean, I don’t know what I believe,” Beyond said gently. When he looked down, his hair fell in his face again and Able took their hair clip out and reached forward and pinned his hair back with it gently. Their fingers grazed his skin and he came to realize that they were trembling.

“You gotta give me that back in the morning,” they said quietly, but their voice shook too just slightly, like they were holding unbearable terror at bay inside them. “I only got one.”

“Alright,” Beyond said and he watched Able train their eyes on the ground below them and stare, starting to tremble, unblinking and afraid. “Ashley, stop thinking about it,” he said.

“Easy for you to say, Beyond ,” they breathed. “I mean, do you ever think about it?”

Beyond felt breathless. His hands were becoming clammy with anxiety. A half an hour earlier, he thought he’d never been more ready to sleep. Now he thought he’d never sleep again.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I think about it all the time. Wish I could stop thinking about it.”

“Oblivion,” Able said. “Just… Nothing. You just stop being. Like you never even mattered.” They shuddered hard now and started to hug themself and that’s when Beyond climbed up the ladder the rest of the way and sat next to them and put his arms around them.

“Able,” he said but he didn’t know what else to say.

“That sounds awful,” Able whispered. “I’m only a kid, Bee. It’s not fair.”

“It could be really nice,” Beyond offered. “It could be, you know, naked babies with wings and like, clouds and harps and, you know.” He began to realize that under his arms, Able was starting to shake hard. They continued to stare, wide-eyed and unseeing and Beyond didn’t think they were breathing deeply enough.

“I don’t want to die,” Able said. They shuddered again powerfully and choked out a gasp and Beyond squeezed them harder, wrapped them up in both arms. They were trembling hard. Damn, Beyond thought. Shit.

“Let’s think of something different,” he tried frantically. “Um, let’s change the subject. Uh, that test tomorrow. You’re gonna ace it, you’ll do great.”

“Aw, damn, the test,” Able said. Their voice was weak and shaky. “I have to pass it, Bee, I don’t have much of a choice.”

Beyond searched for words. He was very, very scared for Able right now.

“If I don’t then I wasted my life.”

“Well-”

“It’s all I’m alive for, it’s all you’re alive for, too. If we aren’t the best at being L, if we aren’t more L than L himself, then like… Then when we just… We die and become nothing then what was it all for, then we weren’t worth anything.”

The worst part of this was that Beyond wanted to tell Able no, that all of this was untrue, that their humanity wasn’t tied to L, but… He couldn’t. Because as much as he tried to act otherwise, Able was right. Able was so, horribly, disastrously right.

Able rubbed at their face shakily. They were starting to shake really hard now, the fear eating them alive.

“Listen,” they whispered. “Every day I don’t do my best, every day I don’t win is a day I’ve wasted being alive and I don’t have days to waste.”

Beyond swallowed hard.

Times like this, he dreamed of a life in which he and Able could just could just… Live. No classes, no cases, no dead bodies, no L. He could just… Do whatever. Wake up whenever and eat toast like he liked it. Spend his days lazing around, online shopping for new makeup and watching movies. Relaxing and being fine with that, just existing and knowing that that was OK, that it was alright to be average, that he could just live his life, and slowly at that, and be OK. He wanted to leave Wammy’s and run away to some tiny country house and spend his days watching sunrises and like, milking cows or painting pottery or doing something else mindless and pointless and not caring that it was pointless, not ever competing or judging himself. Just living and being alive just for the very sake of it. Not having to earn his place in the world. Just… Having one anyway.

It was an intoxicating day dream. He thought about it a lot. He talked about it with Able sometimes too and they were in overwhelming agreement that life without any stakes or responsibilities at all seemed like an extreme improvement.

In his arms, Able was finally, finally starting to cry and Beyond squeezed them and thought of this dream.

Chapter Text

The volunteer work at the rest home was relatively easy. Beyond and Able were taught to wipe down tables and bring trays of food and water at meal times and listen patiently while the old folks rambled, which Beyond found the hardest of all the chores and he’d bounce from toe to toe, 100% zoned out. A few of them were rude too. The whole place stank of something musty, like a room that hadn’t been entered in years, and it filled Beyond’s nose and the back of his throat. He thought it sort of smelled like death.

Death. He was surrounded in death. Just knee-deep in it. Everywhere he looked, there was another low number. He saw them behind his eyelids when he’d close his eyes and it was all he could do not to picture headstones and funerals and holes in the ground and oblivion. He clung to Able’s side awkwardly and counted down the minutes.

During their first break, set in a corner with a small cup of jello each, they began to take notes. Beyond sucked down his jello faster than what was good for him because he felt anxious, so horribly anxious, and they watched the lobby full of old people milling about in a sea of red, doomed destinies.

Beyond would give a name and a number quietly under his breath and Able would write it down on their phone, their jello forgotten. Beyond reached for their cup once he finished his, wanting something to do with his hands, and he peeled it open and put it to his mouth and slurped loudly.

“June Holiday. 5 months and 2 days and 1 hour. Charles Fitzgerald. 10 months and 15 days and 30 minutes. Joseph Hugo. 3 years and 8 months and 5 hours. Carla Fraction. 3 months and 10 days and 3 hours.”

Everyone around him was a walking funeral. No one meant anything except what they added up to, which was always a very inglorious death and then a pitiful burial and then nothing. In the end, everything was meaningless because everyone ended up here, in this awful nursing home. All going to the same place. Didn’t matter if you did bad things or good things or anything at all, you’d be just as dead as the next guy. Doesn’t get much deader than dead.

Beyond shook the plastic cup upside down over his mouth, desperate to distract himself.

He hated this. He hated his eyes. No one else had to live like this, how come he had to draw the short straw? It wasn’t fair! Everyone else got to go through life not thinking about the day they’d die or the day every single person around them would die, but Beyond just had to go and get lucky.

“And that guy? Bee? Hello?”

“Uh. Boris Knight. 2 years, 3 months, and 7 days.”

“Can you get down to the hour.”

“Yeah.”

“Well?”

“Um. 3 hours.”

“Okay.”

Able finally put their phone down, having covered everyone in the room.

“Hey, you ate my jello.”

If only he could see the death of the world , he thought to himself bitterly and it wasn’t the first time he’d thought that either. If only he could see when this whole giant shitshow of a planet finally sputtered out. It deserved it. When was humanity’s end? Beyond didn’t know except that it wasn’t soon enough. He was sick of this, sick of everything. He wanted it dead, he wanted himself dead. 

He was just very, very tired of it all and it was starting to wreck him inside. Life was the iceberg and his heart was the Titanic and he was freezing in the water as it cracked slowly in two.

With their phone down now, Able leaned across the table towards Beyond. 

There were two frequent stares that passed between them. One was Beyond’s stare directly above their head. Another was Able’s stare directly into Beyond’s eyes. Beyond thought they were trying to see past them, see what inside them was so different. He looked away uncomfortably and picked at his nail polish instead.

Able shifted in their seat.

“What if you’re supposed to save people, Bee? Like this is your superhero origin story, you’re supposed to stop people from dying because only you know when, you know??”

It had been a long time since Beyond had genuinely asked himself if he could be a superhero.

“I dunno about that.”

“Why don’t you have any numbers, Bee?” Able said. “Doesn’t seem quite fair, huh.”

“Shush,” Beyond replied. “Someone will hear. And besides, I dunno.”

“Are you gonna live forever?”

“I hope not.”

Their break was up soon after that and Beyond was handed another tray of water cups to hand out. He stood up miserably and began to walk around the room, reaching all the people he’d felt as though he’d just condemned to death.

“Here,” he said and tried to hand a cup to one of the old folks, who just squinted up at him.

“Are you a boy or a girl?” Boris asked tactlessly. Cherry on top an already awesome day.

“I’m depressed, Boris,” Beyond said and dropped a water cup down on the table unceremoniously.