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It was painfully easy to remember that they really, technically weren’t an actual couple. So easy, in fact, that it broke Lee’s heart every time she thought about it. It always took everything in her not to either cry or break out into a hormonal rage when she went to sleep at night, mainly because she still shared a bed with her two sisters most of the time, even in their senior year of high school. They still hadn’t gotten out of their trailer, and were still looked down upon and feared by almost all of the residents of the cul-de-sac.
Well, excluding the Eds, who had accepted that the Kankers really weren’t that bad (or they’d just gotten a bit better with age). The two sets of three had intertwined and found their partners through the girls’ everlasting childhood crushes. Of course, the Kanker sisters were and always would be just a little too dominant and abrasive, but they also learned to control themselves. That was what kept their men around, after all.
But it was only her sisters who got to become the legitimate girlfriends of their respective Eds. Lee only felt like she was a booty call that doubled as a best friend for Eddy. Where was there any room in there to have an actual relationship? He didn’t even really talk about her as if they had any romantic involvement, though the only romantic thing they did was the occasional candle-lit sex in Eddy’s dinky little apartment.
Hell, they never even did anything on Valentine’s Day that would suggest he was interested in being in a relationship besides him thrusting a cheap box of chocolates into her hands before trying to suck face. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t ask him out herself, could she? What would he even say? Was he really that uninterested in being with her for real? Was there someone else he wanted? Was she the silver medal?
That thought was always unsettling and frustrating at the same time. The idea of Eddy wanting someone else, despite everything they’d done and even been through, despite all of the hell they’d put each other through, angered her and made her want to either cry, or find the hypothetical bitch stealing her man and kick her teeth in. It was humiliating, acting like such a wimp, but she had dreamed of being with Eddy ever since they were pre-teens, and now he was treating her like a free fuck. Not that she minded sleeping with him, but she still wanted a little more.
Tonight, though, she was nearly obsessing over the thought of it while desperately trying not to. She was laying beside Eddy himself, stark naked, and huddled against his chest, listening close to his heartbeat and savoring the warmth. She was staying the night that night because it was more convenient than her trying to go home and not wake everyone up, and now she was staring up at the ceiling and attempting to block out all of her worries in favor of running her fingers through Eddy’s patchy chest hair.
Then, before she could even realize it, it happened. A small tear fell onto his skin. Then another. And another. They weren’t going to stop any time soon, so she just tried to wipe them off Eddy with her arm quickly and sat up somewhat quickly, trying to get away subtly but failing. The sudden movement jostled the bed enough to wake up her naked knight, who grumbled and asked the time, something he always did when he woke up. Lee composed herself just long enough to grab his phone, keeping her bare back to him.
“It’s 3:54…” she muttered, the strain in her already raspy voice getting his attention.
She could practically feel Eddy’s sleepy gaze on her, and could imagine his face. His arm was probably on his forehead, where it had covered his eyes before, his eyes would be squinting, and his thin, chapped lips would be pointed down in a frown. He was assessing the situation based on what he’d learned about the redhead from the plethora of bad experiences with her and her swing-and-miss emotions.
“Hey, what’s up?” It was the best he could come up with. A decent try.
Lee took a deep breath, already hating this conversation. “Nothin’, just can’t sleep.”
Eddy sighed from behind her before slowly sitting up with a grunt, sitting next to her. She refused to look over at him, annoyed at herself and pissed off at him for making her feel like this. This wasn’t the relationship she wanted, and it was his fault, and now he was too stupid to catch onto that. What did she love him so much for, anyways? He was a shithead, and a stubborn one at that. Of course it all made sense as soon as he wrapped a comforting arm around her, then pulled her close so he could pet her tangled hair. Damn him for knowing her weaknesses.
“I’m not fuckin stupid, Lee,” he huffed, his tone rougher than he most likely intended. Normally that sleepy grittiness was hot, but now she just felt stupid for waking him up. “I know that ain’t it.”
Lee was still quiet, just wanting to be held like this forever. She wanted to be able to believe that she really was Eddy’s girlfriend, and that he didn’t just think of her as a piece of ass he could be friends with. She didn’t want to ruin the moment, so she was quiet. Then Eddy nudged her, and she remembered that she was still stark naked in a room with a man that didn’t love her. She shuddered as tears threatened to break through again, but with a deep breath and a harsh glare at the floorboards, she managed to pull away and finally mumble what she was thinking.
“You’re a fucking asshole, Eddy.”
There were a solid few seconds of quiet before Eddy got pissed. “What the fuck is that for?”
“Because you are one. You keep calling me over here nearly every night just to fuck, and I only stay overnight because you don’t want my momma mad,” Lee huffed, glaring daggers into the floorboards. “You don’t even give a fuck about what I want. You just keep treating me like a your own fuckin’ whore.”
She jerked herself away then, standing up, shivering briefly from the cold and wiping her eyes from under her thick curls. She started rooting around for her clothes until she quickly dressed herself again, cursing to herself as Eddy tried to argue with her. She didn’t listen to him, dedicated to her anger now, choosing to take it out on him instead of letting it fester like she had for the past couple months now. Let him feel bad, maybe he would understand her a little more for it.
It was after she managed to pull her shorts back on that he finally had enough of her ignoring him. He stood quickly, and she finally turned to glare at him, making him stagger just a bit. She hadn’t looked at him that way in years, and it was off putting, even with her messy hair covering her eyes. Still, he wanted to at least get a say in the argument before being brushed off.
“Why are you so pissed about it now? If you didn’t wanna fuck you coulda just said so!”
That made her pause. Then, she laughed bitterly before she turned around to look away him, starting to walk away. He huffed, already grumpy from being woken up to Lee’s crazy shit, and cold from being buck naked. “Where the fuck are you going?”
“I dunno yet. Maybe I’ll go crash over at Kevin’s.”
She felt childish saying it, but it was the only thing she could think of to get this damn attention, as though she didn’t already have it. His inferiority complex over Kevin was only fueled by the few times Lee had fucked him. Of course, that was to make Eddy jealous, but that was also when they were in eighth grade and she wasn’t in the best state of mind. Neither of them ever mentioned it, but sometimes Lee whipped it back out just to see Eddy get mad. And mad he got.
“Are you fucking kidding me?! Why would you even bother with that asshole?” He looked like an awfully possessive little man right then. “God damn it, don’t fuck with my head like that, Lee.”
“What? I can bother with whoever the hell I want. It’s not like we’re even together.”
Her voice was bitter, and she was shaking a bit. She was so angry in that moment she could punch him, if not for her vow to not be like her crazy bitch mother. He was exasperated, now just yelling for the sake of yelling. He was a confused, jealous, belligerent little man, and she couldn’t stand herself for loving him the way she did.
“Just shut the hell up, Eddy. You obviously don’t fucking get it.”
“Get what?!”
She snapped. “I want to be fuckin serious with you, you goddamn idiot! I wanna marry you someday, and I wanna have all your weird little midget kids! But you keep acting like you just want my ass, and it fucking hurts!”
That made him go quiet. Well, that and the person living below his apartment hitting their ceiling and yelling for them to shut up. He floundered, his anger still there, but subsiding slowly. “How was I s’pposed to know that?” His voice was a bit more quiet then.
“I thought you knew that the moment we met,” she mumbled, still feeling bitter and moving to sit with her back against the door.
“For Christs’ sakes, we were kids then, how was I supposed to know you still wanted to get hitched?” he said, exasperated and running a finger through his thin hairs. His hair still looked like bug legs to her. How fitting for the little roach.
“I guess I was just dreamin,” she said, her voice weak. She huffed as frustrated tears blurred the lines of his floorboards.
He groaned and massaged his temples, not knowing the best thing to do here. He thought maybe using some of his old charms would work out, instead of just making her want to kill him. He finally pulled some pants on before he moved to sit next to her. She didn’t move, though he noticed a quick glance from behind her bangs. He also noticed that this was the first time he’d really seen her break down like this. Sure, he’d seen her angry fits, but nothing like this. It really made him feel like a piece of shit.
“It’s not like I don’t care aboutcha…” he finally mumbled, trying to hold her hand. It was limp, but she didn’t pull away. “I just didn’t think you still actually...y’know, loved me, or whatever.”
She scoffed, curling up a bit. “Yeah, why the hell would I fuck your fat ass if I didn’t?” The insult was biting, but her voice was cracking. He didn’t know how to feel about it.
He tried to pull her a bit closer, and she nudged, but she mainly just leaned against him. They sat like that for a while, calming down and letting the chill from Eddy’s wooden floor cooling them a bit more.
“Sorry I said I’d fuck Kevin.”
“Sorry I made you cry.”
“You didn’t make me cry, don’t give yourself that much credit.”
“Yeah, sure.”
A little more quiet before Eddy seemed to perk up a tiny bit. She raised a brow and huffed a bit as he stood up, since she was already so comfortable and calm. “The hell are you doing?”
“Do ya like ring pops?” He asked as he rooted around his nightstand drawer, confusing her instantly.
“I guess so, why?”
He went quiet again before he seemed to have found what he was looking for. She tried to lean and see what it was he had, but she couldn’t get a good look before he sat on his knees in front of her. “This thing is kinda old, but I’ve never taken it out of the package, so it should still be good.”
“What the fuck are you doing right now?”
“Just let me finish!” He huffed. She raised a brow and crossed her arms, but she went quiet and listened carefully. “I can’t get anything expensive right now, but this can be like a promise ring or whatever.”
He thrusted a ring pop towards her, and she was a bit stunned. Then she scoffed and glared at him again. “I’m not gonna just melt and fall into your arms because you’re giving me all this sweet talk. You’re gonna have to act like a real boyfriend.”
“I know that! You think I would say all this embarrassing shit just to make you happy? I fuckin mean it!”
She was skeptical, but that part of her that was still a young girl madly in love with her first crush was awestruck all over again. Her cheeks reddened as her face flushed, and she looked away for a moment before snatching the candy. “Fine, I’ll take it. But I’m still staying over tonight.”
“Right.”
“And I get to call you babe now.”
“Okay. You could have done that before, though.”
“And if I see you with another girl I’m chopping your cock off.”
“Figured that. Can we go to bed now?”
She went quiet again. “Fine, but we’re cuddling.”
“Can ya quit telling me shit I already know?”
And with that, they went to bed. Huddled together in the chill apartment, Lee clinging to Eddy for warmth and burying her smile into his chest as he hugged her back. They were both embarrassed, and nervous, and not sure how to go about an actual relationship, but Lee was just happy to be one step forward towards her future with this damned idiot.
END