Chapter Text
“Coochie coo~!”
The voice did not match the face. It made Bakugou roll his eyes.
“ Shinsoouuu! ” Deku squeaked, wriggling about attempting to pry the fingers away from his eyes with one hand, and the fingers stabbing his sides with the other,
“Don’t try to fool me! Yaoyorozu would never say something like even if you sound just like her!”
The purple troll doll’s eyes squint. Bakugou can’t see it, but he’s probably smiling under that gaudy costume mask of his. “What would she say then?”
Deku twists in his seat, “Yaoyorozu is not the type to be so touchy-feely. If you tried Ashido or Uraraka’s voice…”
“Why are you giving him pointers on how to trick you? Isn’t that super weird? That’s weird, right?” Kaminari turns towards Sero, who shrugs nonchalantly.
“Call it practice, Young Kaminari .” Shinsou boomed with All Might’s powerful tenor.
“Shinsou! You shouldn’t be using your hero apparatus outside of the designated circumstances!” Iida scolded from in front of the class where he was aligning the desk perfectly in the center of the classroom. “And please return to your seat. Class is almsot beginning.”
For once, Bakugou found himself on the same side as Four-Eyes: “Yeah, fuckface. Your presence is already annoying from that side of the room as it is. Shoo.”
“Tou~chy~” Hagakure nudged an invisble elbow against Mina.
Shinsou unclapsed his voice mimicker from his chin and lets it hang off his neck. “Particularly antsy today, aren’t you, Bakugou?”
“You tryna start something, Dead Fish Eyes?”
“I want to start nothing except a good, wholesome day. Good morning, everyone.” He says in the flattest, most bored tone ever.
Deku snorts unattractively. A few other classmates giggle too.
“Don’t encourage that shit.” The blond smacks his open paln against Deku’s desk behind him to get everyone’s attention.
“I like Hitoshi’s sense of humor. It’s really dry. That’s super rare.” Deku takes a deep breath to curb his laugher, “It’s really different from Todoroki’s slapstick humor.”
Bakugou looks towards Todoroki and tries to understand how Todoroki + Humor = Slapstick.
Not willing to admit how curious he actually was about it, Bakugou feigned disinterest. The blond pulled his hand back as if he was burned by a candle. Look at this guy, with his inside frivolous compliments. What a fucking tool.
Shinsou rolls his tired eyes fondly and reaches over to ruffle Deku’s curls. Gross. “Jokes on you, Midoriya. I really mean it when I insult you. Watch:” Who knows where that hand has been. Deku’s gonna catch lice or some other nasty shit if he keeps letting fucking weirdos fondle him like that.
“You’re a doughy soft boy.” Shinsou assaults Deku with a barrage of pokes to his sides, “Fucking uwu-ing and shit. Fuck your cutesy-ass freckles, Midoriya. Fuck ‘em.”
“ Stoo~oooop! That’s not even a real insult!” Deku chucks a balled up receipt from his morning takeout at Shinsou. Iida chastises him about irresponsible littering.
Kaminari sings a soft “gaaaay” to Ojiro seated in front of him.
Hearing it made Katsuki’s blood boil.
.
“Uraraka, please refrain from frivulous spending.”
“You’re so mean, Iida! Who do you think you are, telling me how to spend my allowance?” Uraraka puffs up her cheeks and playfully kicks at Iida’s shins.
“Uraraka, you yourself instructed me to remind you that.” Iida sidesteps to avoid her half-hearted attacks.
“Sounds like fake news. Deku, can you confirm?”
Midoriya smiles dopily around a purple cream popsicle. “ Shoundz fehk. ”
“Shinsou? Todoroki?”
“Let the girl have her ice cream, class rep.” Shinsou teases, moving aside to allow Uraraka to bound up to the vendor.
“I prefer ‘woman’ to ‘girl’, okay?”
“Okay.” Shinsou glances at Deku and moves to wipe a streak of sweet yam from his cheek, “Let your woman have her ice cream, class rep.”
“M-My woman?!” Iida’s glasses fog up.
“Oops. Slip of the tongue. Right, Todoroki?”
“Sounds legitimate.”
“Are you guys ganging up on me?” Uraraka focuses on handing the vendor the correct assortment of coins. Her ears still glow pink. “I thought you were on my side! And also! If you’re going to update Todoroki’s meme lingo, do it right!”
“That’s B-U-E.” Todoroki nibbles on his matcha ice cream cookie. “Big Uraraka Energy.”
“He’s not even using it right!”
Shinsou’s thumb rests against Deku’s chin as if it has found the most natural place to be. He moves Deku’s head this way and that way, inspecting its cleanliness.
Its… gross.
“Hm? Oh, Bakugou? How long have you been there?” Iida changes the subject away from how derogatory it was to refer to a woman as belonging to anyone- ‘and saying “my woman” would encourage objectification’- and turns to Katsuki, a few feet away.
“Oh Kacchan!” Deku moves his face away from Shinsou’s gross, gross hands. “Are we holding up the line? Sorry!”
Bakugou’s eye twitches. “Don’t pretend like you know me! Shitty nerd!”
He shoves some bills onto the vendor’s hand. The man’s got a strange face on- unimpressed but amused.
The blond picks up an orange ice treat before stomping away.
.
“Asshole, you fucking left me yesterday!” Bakugou flicks Kirishima’s forehead. A year ago he would go for a punch in the gut, but he’s actually been taking measures to reserve his energy.
(Mina calls it “being nicer”, but she’s a fool and it’s really just an attempt to reserve energy! Honest!)
“ I left you?” The redhead parrots incredulously. “We were just walking to the station together, i’m talking about my day, then I turn around and notice I’m all alone!” He scrubs a hand down his face,
“No wonder people we looking at me weird…! I was talking to nobody! I probably looked crazy.”
“Don’t worry about it, bro!” Kirishima nudges his friend’s shoulder. His voice sounds muffled around the potato chips halfway down his throat. “Midoriya mumbles to himself all the time and that’s never really scared anyone away.”
“Who could be turned off by anything Midoriya does, though?” Sero pipes up from a leatherette bean bag. Strange. That wasn’t there before. “I swear bright-eyed guys have all the luck. Anything they do looks cute and innocent. Did I tell you about that time a girl told me I looked shifty and suspicious right to my face?”
“You said it about 100 times now.” Kirishima grins his sharky grin, “She’s not wrong, you know.”
“Oh fuck off!” Sero whines. He whines even harder when Kaminari rolls a 5 and was able to buy a star off Toadette. “Bakugou! Bakugou! They’re bullying me!”
“Where’d your tacky hammock go?” Katsuki says instead.
The good luck spaces turns into bad luck spaces in the game. Kirishima deliberates between going left or right. Going left would allow him to buy a mushroom, but leave him too poor. Meanwhile, going right would let him farm coins, but then he would be stalled from getting the star for another 15 spaces. He was a fool for picking Bowser; the Bowser dice is too high risk-high reward.
“Traded it for this sweet bean bag. Looks cool, huh?”
“It’s giving you some bad fucking posture.” Bakugou sneers at a hunched-over Hanta. “And it’s ugly.”
“It’s Hitoshi’s.”
“Fucking figures.”
“You’re so mean to Hitoshi- it’s surprising.” Kaminari contemplates, “I thought you would sync up because you’re so alike.”
“Dunce-face, how are we at all alike?” Bakugou balks.
“For starters, you both like to bully Midoriya.”
“Bullying? What?” Kirishima goes left.
Denki turns to face Katsuki and Hanta; “They both give him a hard time. You know what I’m talking about, Sero! Right? ”
“It’s not bullying!” Sero snickers, “Bakugou’s just an asshole. Hitoshi’s flirting.”