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The moment that Leo's heart shattered was quieter than it should be; no sound of the battles around him were reaching his ears, the beating of his own heart and the rushing of blood sounding like screams in his head.
In this very moment, none of his scars - none of his wounds - ever caused him as much pain as the pulsing, wide void, that was left in his chest. He felt like he was about to collapse in on himself, body breaking into tiny pieces mimicking the shards of his heart; the weight on his body heavy. If he wanted to be theatrical
,
he'd describe the feeling of suffocation as a strong dark hand coming from the depth of his emotions, wrapping it's fingers around his neck - tightening more and more with every passing second - cutting of his intake of air and leaving his throat raw; his head spinning.
The moment he had sunken to his knees at the initial shock seemed so distant, too far away to have happened just a few heartbeats ago. His fingers were holding the ground in a desperate attempt to keep himself in the moment, the dark claws of his armor digging weakly through the earth.
His breath was quick and raw, every intake scratching the inside of his throat like a thousand needles.
Within the moments that dragged on like days, he realized he was hyperventilating; not enough oxygen reaching his lungs and making his head feel dizzy; too heavy and light at the same time.
Leo felt sick and if he didn't know better he would think he was dying, the sheer amount of emotions crushing him; all while he bathed in a light blue glow from the arrow hovering just inches away from his form.
In his agony and despair he vaguely remembered the morning of the very same day, light shining through the tent as- as Prince Takumi of Hoshido stepped into his space, a teasing smile on his face. Features relaxed and calm - for what Leo assumed he had to give him credit, his act flawless in execution - as he approached the mage, who just attached his last piece of armor.
At the question whether he was finally ready, Leo merely scoffed, no bite behind the action and a gentle smile on his face as he pressed a short kiss on top of the smaller ones head, passing him to step outside his tent, the morning light painting the camp of their army in an orange glow, the droplets of morning dew sparkling in the rays.
Despite the bussle of awoken soldiers and the movement it was surprisingly peaceful.
"Break down my tent.", he ordered as gently as possible and in hindsight he's surprised the other never snapped at his requests, always obeying - even if he sometimes did answer Leo with a bit of playful attitude. He was quite the actor, if he wanted to be apparently, playing a loyal servant without any efforts. “Take one of the soldiers to help you.”
"Of course, Milord Leo.", Takumi spok without hesitation, his hair swaying in the breeze, like silver rays of light much more refreshing and breathtaking than the sun could ever be - gorgeous to say at least. Though, to even the mage, there were no words to describe it's beauty in the fullest.
"Your brother has requested your presence before we continue approaching Hoshido.", the other informed him, giving him a last bow after and tending to his task.
The nohrian Prince nodded at that, rubbing his temples, before his feet began to move in the direction of his brother, steps quick.
Even during the perfect morning - the sun rising above the trees slowly - the tension within the army was at its climax. They were soon to arrive at the hoshidan borders, ready to strike the unsuspecting kingdom and confirming themselves a huge advantage for their next tactical actions to finally put an end to the war that lasted decades.
Or so he had thought at least.
Once their army started to move again, coming closer and closer to their destination, Leo noticed his butler growing more and more nervous. It was apparent in the way he was fidgeting and how his eyes jumped around as if he was trying to find something or someone.
Initially, Leo had suspected the others lack of experience on the battlefield to cause him discomfort, maybe anxiety even.
In response to the shorters obvious worry, he had leaned down from his steed, throwing him a reassuring look, that he hoped would calm him down.
"Don't worry.", he remembered saying, voice quiet but full of adoration and reassurance. His whisper continued once Takumi's eyes met his,: “We strike them when they least expect it. It will be easy and neither of us will be in danger. There’s no need to have such a gloomy look on such a handsome face.”
His words were answered with a sigh and the other only gave him a short look before he forced himself to look forward again. A simple nod was followed by a neutral, "Of course, milord."
The answer worried the mage as he at least expected a smile to form on the others lips. He quickly pushed his concerns aside, though. After all, it might just be the tension bothering Takumi.
They fell into silence again, his companion’s steps quick and long to keep up with the slow pace of Leo's steed. For a second the mage had played with the thought of inviting the other on his horses back, quickly shaking his head to abandon the idea. He knew exactly, that this wouldn't be possible. Back then - this very morning - he had hoped that once Hoshido was defeated, he could take him for a ride through the nohrian woods, to the small lake he loved to visit in private. He had craved nothing more than to feel the shorter one pressed against his chest, comfortably settled between his arms as they rode along the paths, the picture in his head romantic, quiet and serene.
Perfect.
Even now - even as he faced death by prince Takumi's own hands - he ached for him to be close, for them to be touching one another as the sun set and the wind was moving the leaves of the trees, the clouds and the sky dipped in a rosé that matched the flowers in deepest corners of the forests.
Leo decided that this, the thoughts of what could have been - of what he had hoped for - hurt more than the betrayal itself.
There was no reason for him to dwell on those thoughts, though. No reason to waste another second on what his heart desired as it would stop beating all together; stopped by the one it beat fastest for.
Leo had read about the Fujin Yumi.
How it’s arrows were made out of pure energy and burned through your flesh and skin with ease,yet, leaving barely any visible damage behind. He knew it was in Hoshidan possession, but he had never imagined he would find himself at the end of those strikingly blue glowing arrows, too numb to even move a muscle, too even look at his certain demise.
Even through the rushing of blood in his ears he could hear the quiet movement of energy, the particles sounding like the electricity he could create with the right tome, but still so very different. Impossible to describe almost.
The seconds ticked by and at every beat of his heart he expected the prince above him to loosen the grip onto the arrow, its head easily moving through his armor and skin, before vanishing into thin air, the energy loosing it’s form.
But the impact - the pain - never came.
Instead the glow in front of him ceased, the flickering and striking of energy falling silent and Leo could make out steps. Clumsy steps of the man in front him moving backwards,the divine weapon now loose in his hands.
A shaky uneven breath, that he didn’t know he was holding, escaped him as he raised his head.
Nothing could have prepared him for when their eyes met.
His vision was blurry and even then he could see the torn expression and the fight with himself behind Takumi’s eyes as he took another step away from the mages vulnerable and weak form.
What Leo wasn’t able to see, though, was the way he shook, hands unable to still for even a second. The sight of the other on the ground, ready to accept his death was tearing the archer apart. He knew he had to do it now, that he couldn’t let the Nohrian go and yet, he was too weak; had grown too attached.
Takumi knew that what he was doing was the right thing; keeping his home and kingdom safe was his duty as the second prince of Hoshido. Defeating and killing the unprotected prince in front of him was what he was chosen to do, what he had to do to make sure no one close to him had to suffer anymore.
It was to avenge his father. To avenge his mother. To protect his siblings-
What he could not protect were his feelings.
During his time in Krakenburg, Takumi had realized more than just a few things, of which most weren't to his liking.
People in Nohr were suffering.
Sure, neither him nor his siblings had considered the other kingdoms economy to be flourishing or something the like, but he hadn't expected the general public to starve under King Garons reign - for there to be no happiness and joy found within the cities, rare exceptions being some of the nohrian holidays he had experienced.
To think that under every armor, behind every simple soldier, was someone for whom death might be the kinder option was leaving him feeling numb.
But that he could ignore. He was smarter than to pretend war was easy or that not a single innocent person had to suffer. The prince was aware that this war - the fighting and sacrifices- were necessary as there was no way around the nohrian kings attacks and advances. In his opinion, even if there were, he didn't deserve kindness and forgiveness.
A man who was responsible for destroying countless villages and ripping families apart, was to despise; deserved nothing more than death.
Yet, there was one thing that caught Takumi of {off} guard more than anything else, more than the suffering of the nohrian people.
It was king Garons children.
It was their enemy.
The very same people he had considered to be nothing more than heartless kidnappers; monsters that thrived off of power and cruelty.
Nothing could have prepared him for the realization that they weren't what he had thought of them.
Early on, he had met Elise, the youngest of the nohrian princes and princesses, who didn't looked a day older than Sakura.
Takumi had never liked to see Sakura on the battlefield, knowing she wasn't made for war. Therefore, seeing a bright and happy girl like Elise, who painted such a contrast to her surroundings, and imagining her on a battlefield at the end of his arrows made him sick.
The oldest siblings, Xander and Camilla, were different from what he imagined entirely.
It seemed foolish now, but he had expected them to be like their father. Cruel, cold and unforgiving. Which, maybe, wasn't entirely wrong in Camilla's case, but it was apparent - and he hated to admit it - that she wasn't all that different from his own siblings and her motivation to mercilessly slice through her enemies wasn't enjoyment or insanity.
It was simply the need to protect those close to her, those she truly cared for.
In the months he had spend in Nohr, he had painfully and quickly noticed how serious she took her role as an older sister and in that regard she reminded him of Hinoka - who certainly wouldn't be happy about that comparison.
Neither would be Ryoma if he knew that it had crossed Takumi's mind, that he and Xander had their similarities. He hadn't seen a lot of the oldest prince, but what he had seen was someone that tried to hide the weight on his shoulders and the tiredness in his eyes behind a professional and proper attitude towards his kingdom.
Still, Takumi reminded himself, he obeyed the king's orders with what seemed like no second thought or question. Which wasn't all that unwelcome.
It made it easier for him to keep considering Xander the enemy and the cruel person he had pictured him like.
What truly bothered him was the youngest prince and the man he had the luck to be assigned to as a servant.
Leo.
Milord Prince Leo to be exact.
At first Takumi had considered him an unpleasant person.
In over his head, too much snark and self confidence in his actions and skills - self centered and rude even. Someone he wanted nothing more to do with than absolutely necessary.
The first time he had sent Takumi to fetch him tea, Leo had remarked - of course not without a cocky grin on his face - that he had taken too long for his liking. It caused annoyance to mingle with his hate towards the nohrian prince and in the end the smallest of tasks made him displeased. Never once did it interfere with his act of the loyal servant, though.
In the end, Takumi went a few weeks downright hating the egoistical mage and grew annoyed that he had to serve him instead of any of the other royals. Frankly, he had been angry.
Things only changed when one day he returned into Leo's study after being sent of to make him some coffee.
The moment he opened the door to place the small porcelain cup next to the prince, he had noticed that said royal had fallen asleep, breath even and eyes closed. His lips were slightly parted and strands of silky hair falling over his face - he looked at peace, the hoshidan Prince noted. His features ad been uncharacteristically relaxed and calm while his body tension was gone. In the light of the candles in front of him his skin looked smooth and clear, similar to the porcelain of the cup now sitting on the table and he was overwhelmed with the sudden urge to run the pads of his fingers along Leo’s skin, curious whether it felt as soft and flawless as it seemed.
Takumi's first mistake had been to admit how breathtakingly handsome the nohrian prince looked, how well formed and perfect his features were, how slender his fingers....
He remembered leaving the room, cursing his own thoughts as he closed the door behind him.
What his second mistake was, he couldn’t decide.
It could have been the moment he noticed Leo's endearing habit to dress himself improperly in his sleepy haste, more often than not putting his boots on the wrong feet or messing up the placement of his collar.
Or maybe it had been the first smile he had cracked at one of Leo's snarky and playful remarks towards his retainers, the sudden teasing display amusing Takumi more than it should. So much even, that he had to cover his huge grin behind his hand as Odin went on a theatrical and dramatic speech about how much the judgement of his lord tore through him.
Anyhow, Takumi had slowly found himself to be fond of the other; his physical appearance and company alike.
More and more he found himself enjoying listening to Leo speak, even if it was just whenever the prince talked to himself under his breath.
They fell into a comfortable habit of challenging one another's patience, after the first time the hoshidan talked back at the other before he could stop himself, muttering a simple grouchy but not all too serious complaint.
From there on, they started joking and their conversations grew longer and colorful; Leo going as far as to invite him to a game of chess.
It didn’t took long for either of them to admit that they spent quite a lot of time together, mostly disguised as Leo needing some kind of help with whatever task popped into his mind first.
They opened up around one another and the more Takumi learned about the prince, the more he felt drawn to him - smiling, laughing,
touching
…
Soft and barely at first, almost like they were experimenting if the other fell apart or pulled back, but soon their touches got bolder. Their feelings got bolder.
The moment of their first kiss was burned in Takumi’s mind - a pleasant memory, that turned darker and darker the closer the day came on which he had to betray Leo.
It had been a calm evening - they had just finished a game of chess - and the sun, that rarely showed itself in the dark kingdom, was slowly setting behind the castle, the last few rays of sun shining through the window of the library as the nohrian prince placed Takumi’s queen right next to him.
“This one goes to me.”, he had said, voice a bit cocky, yet calm and collected as he watched him. The tone of his words paired with the smile, made the archers chest sing with joy. “Next time I’ll promise I go easier.”
Both of them had gotten up, aware that there were still duties to tend to for both of them, leaving them with no time for a rematch. Though, that didn’t stop Takumi from stepping a little closer. “Tomorrow you won’t win this easily, milord. I promise.”
His display of confidence had caused Leo to laugh, his soft hair swaying slightly with his movements, looking like gold in the soft light and the smaller one had had to restrain himself from reaching out and touching it. Once the nohrian prince’s laughter had died down, they fell into a silence. Takumi too captivated by the moment to answer.
The sight of his enemy in front of him overwhelming as his gaze travelled over his face, eyes meeting Leo’s, lost in the affection and adoration behind them. The image had looked like a dream, something surreal and made up as nobody had ever looked at him quite like this.
Sometimes, he wasn’t sure if the next seconds were real or merely a figment of his imagination, but he remembered the others hand moving towards his cheek, thumb brushing over his skin, moving down his jaw before smoothing over his bottom lip. On instinct alone, he had moved forward, leaning into the touch and had allowed the other prince to pull him closer. The sound that cut over the heartbeat loud in his ears had been Leo’s voice, just before the mage pressed his soft lips against his,: “Forgive me.. but I can’t hold back any longer..”
Now, that moment seemed further away than his earliest memory.
Never had Takumi thought he would get along with someone that was the enemy. Never thought he would start worrying about the prince overworking himself or whenever he caught a glimpse of his bothered expression after talking to the King.
Never had he expected his heart to beat faster and more rapid at the simple sight of the other.
Never had he expected to fall in love.
To fall in love with his mortal enemy and the man now shaking before him; looking devastated, hurt and broken. None of the previous confidence, laughter and cheerfulness he emitted when they were together.
The sight of Leo made Takumi sick, the feelings in his chest and stomach so unbearable that he wanted to topple over and empty the entire contents of his body. Every last part of him wanted to fix this, wanted to tell the mage that he was sorry and that every laugh, every touch, every kiss - was genuine.
Instead, he was expected to do what he was here for, what he knew he had to do from the very beginning, but-
He couldn't do it.
He knew no matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't strike Leo down, not after seeing who he truly was and falling in love with every detail, every quirk and expression the mage had to offer.
And so he took another step back, turning on his heels sharply, the motion making his head spin.
He couldn’t do it.
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it-
So without taking another look back at his former lover, his feet began to move, running in the direction of his own kingdom and his own family, desperately trying to forget every last second and every last touch.