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Every time she closed her eyes all she could see was the Doctor’s downtrodden expression as the three of them stepped out of the TARDIS and back onto solid Sheffield ground. Ryan had told her that she was being played - the Doctor’s whole ‘woe is me’ thing was just an act to get herself an invite for tea. To some extent Yaz agreed because the Doctor was nothing if not dramatic. Still, there was something that niggled in the back of her mind. Something wrong that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
She’d always been good at solving puzzles, had Yaz. It was one of the reasons she’d excelled in the police academy. The Doctor was a puzzle she never honestly expected to solve. And yet there was something. It was there swirling around her brain, something that wasn't quite right.
Yaz huffed in frustration and stared up at her dark ceiling.
She couldn’t even put her finger on what she was feeling. Annoyance? Why would she be annoyed? The Doctor swept them off their feet and showed them the stars. Admittedly the first time it had been an accident, but she'd still seen an alien planet. How many people could say that? She’d met Rosa bloody Parks. It had been...incredible. Sad and beautiful and overwhelming, but incredible. So what was bothering her?
Ryan and Graham didn't seem particularly bothered. They had other things to focus on, of course. Yaz was sure they hadn't even come close to dealing with the loss of Grace so focussing their attention on the motivations of their new alien friend was probably the last thing on their mind. Graham in particular seemed to trust the Doctor implicitly and without question.
Something clicked together in her mind then. Just a small piece and Yaz frowned. Yes. It was definitely annoyance. And suspicion?
You’re like a bloody dog with a bone, her supervisor at work said to her on an almost daily basis. He wasn’t wrong. Once she set her mind to something there was very little that could sway her from her goal.
That was why, at 2am, Yaz rolled out of bed, threw on some clothes and trekked out into the night in search of the TARDIS.
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The TARDIS was exactly where they left it. The Doctor had promised not to leave without saying goodbye, and Yaz believed her. Ryan had expressed doubts, but not Yaz. If the Doctor said she was going to do something then she would.
Now she was here though, she wasn’t sure what she actually wanted to say. She slowed her pace and gazed at the bright blue box with something akin to wistfulness, which was ridiculous considering she’d barely spent any time in the thing. How could you be nostalgic for something before it’s even gone?
She breathed in deeply and reached out towards the door and pushed gently - it was unlocked. Yaz made a mental note to scold the Doctor for it; she wasn’t exactly parked in the safest neighbourhood.
The door closed behind her and Yaz took a few steps towards the console room. Already she could hear the Doctor chattering away to someone. Herself, Yaz guessed, because she knew Ryan and Graham were at home in bed. Where you should be, a voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like her mother said.
“Doctor?” she called out, not wanting to startle the woman by appearing from nowhere.
The chattering stopped and the Doctor popped her head around one of the glowing orange pillars.
“Yaz!” The Doctor’s face split into a wide grin that made Yaz’s heart twinge with fondness. How could she doubt a woman who always seemed so happy to see her. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Just thought I’d pop by for a chat.”
“Great,” said the Doctor. “I love a chat. Not a problem that can’t be solved by a good chat. Did you have a specific topic in mind because I just found this-”
“Yes,” Yaz interrupted before the Doctor went off on one of her monologues. It hadn’t been long since they'd met, but she could already recognise the signs of another interminable ramble. Usually she enjoyed them, if she was being honest, but right now she had something on her mind. “I wanted to ask you something.”
The Doctor leaned back against the TARDIS controls and regarded Yaz with something akin to intrigue. “All right. Ask away.”
It took Yaz a moment to formulate her thoughts, but the Doctor waited with a surprising amount of patience.
“You got us back in Sheffield literally minutes after we teleported into space, right?”
“Yeah. I told you I would, didn’t I? It’s good, this old box of mine.”
“And you can fly it like that usually?”
“Usually,” said the Doctor. Her hand came to rest on a panel just behind her and she stroked a finger along it. Yaz wasn’t even sure if she knew she was doing it.
“But when you tried to get us back here after Desolation all of a sudden we ended up in fourteen other locations first?” Yaz tried not to sound like she was setting the stage for an interrogation, she really did. The Doctor’s sudden shift in posture told her she hadn’t been successful.
“What are you here to ask me, Yaz?” The levity in the Doctor's voice was gone and Yaz hated herself a little bit for causing it. She had to know though. Wouldn’t be able to rest until she’d ferreted out the truth.
“Did you do it on purpose so we couldn't leave?” As soon as she said it she wanted to take it back, but it was too late.
The Doctor’s face became carefully blank.
“No," she said. "I don't abduct people, Yaz." There was a pause. "Anymore."
Yaz let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. "Right. Sorry. I'm just gonna breeze past that anymore thing." The Doctor nodded her head once. "Sorry. I just...it seems a bit weird to me, you know? You're like...the smartest person I've ever met and you accidentally teleported us all into space? And then accidentally landed the TARDIS in a load of random spots around the universe? And your excuse was that the TARDIS sometimes 'has a mind of it's own'?"
Something in the Doctor's expression shifted then and she looked around thoughtfully. It changed again and Yaz could see it then. Guilt.
"Oh," said the Doctor. Their eyes met and Yaz's stomach twisted at the look of utter sadness there. "You're a smart girl, Yaz. I'm so sorry. You're right and I didn't even realise it. It was absolutely my fault. Sorry."
"So you did do it on purpose?" said Yaz, not entirely following the Doctor's train of thought.
"No! No, no, no." The Doctor took a step forward and then stopped as though she wasn't sure her closing the distance between them would be welcome. "I meant to take you home, I swear. I wasn't kidding when I said the TARDIS had a mind of it's own though. It's possible she...might have took us on that merry goose chase on purpose."
Around them the TARDIS groaned and the lights flickered brighter for a moment. Yaz had suspected there was more to the ship than it just being a cool piece of hardware, but the idea that the thing might actually have it's own thought process was...alarming. She swallowed and forced her attention back on the Doctor. One alien at a time, she told herself.
"I'm so sorry, Yaz."
Yaz took in the Doctor's slumped shoulders and decided to try and take the earnest apology for what it was. "All right," she said. "Why would it do that?"
The Doctor let out a long, low breath. Yaz recognised the look on her face. She'd seen it countless times in interrogations she'd watched during her academy training. The Doctor was trying to decide whether or not to tell her the truth.
Then, she shrugged. "You were mostly right. It didn't want you to leave."
"Why though?"
"For me, I expect. Common theme, that. The people who care about me think I'm not capable of being by myself." The Doctor shrugged and forced a smile onto her face. "She probably thought she was doing me a favour by making sure I wasn't alone right after I regenerated. It's a weird time, regenerating. Not sure who you are and I wasn't...in the best frame of mind before." The Doctor looked away for just a moment too long. "She was probably just worried about me, weren't you old girl?" She patted the TARDIS console again and in response it creaked and the lights dimmed for a moment. "Won't happen again."
The TARDIS groaned again as though it was disagreeing and the Doctor eyed it warily.
"You seemed okay on the train," said Yaz, dubious. "As okay as someone who fell through a ceiling can be anyway."
"Because I was. I'm always okay. I'm the King of Okay...Queen of Okay." She huffed. "No that's still a terrible title. Never call me that." As though Yaz had any intention of doing so. "Honestly, Yaz, everything is fine."
And nothing screamed 'okay' like a woman desperately repeating the word over and over. What had she been thinking coming here in the middle of the night? She didn't have to tools to deal with an emotional alien, especially not when she was already so tired.
So she did the one thing she could think of. Something her mum did for her that always made her feel better when she'd had a bad day.
She crossed the distance between them and threw her arms around the older woman. The Doctor stiffened at the touch, but lifted a hand to pat Yaz on the back awkwardly. Not really a hugger then, Yaz noted, but she tightened her fingers around the fabric of the Doctor's coat and pressed her head into the crook of her neck.
"Um...there, there, Yaz."
Yaz snorted out a laugh. It didn't seem to be making the Doctor feel better, but she certainly was feeling the restorative powers of a good hug. Even though this wasn't really a good hug.
She took mercy on the Doctor and released her. She smiled at the rather unsettled look on her friend's face as she took a step backwards.
"I'm sorry I accused you of lying to us," she said.
The Doctor offered her a rather humourless grin in response. "That's all right. It'll probably happen sooner or later. Rule number one."
"Rule number one..."
"Oh nothing. Never mind. Just something my um...an old...something someone used to say," said the Doctor. Well that wasn't vague or weird. "Now." The Doctor spun around, her coat fluttering behind her like a cape. "Was there anything else you needed? I know you humans need loads of sleep."
Yaz knew a dismissal when she heard one.
"No nothing else. I guess I'll head back home," she said. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
The Doctor hummed in agreement, her attention back on the TARDIS console. Yaz sighed, overcome by that implacable sense of wistfulness again.
"Good night, Doctor."
"Night, Yaz."