Chapter Text
Aries: The Damned Satansymbol
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
You love action! Too bad! This month there will be no action for you! You will find yourself in an endless loop of boredom, apathy and never-ending stagnation. Every minute will feel like an hour. Every hour will feel like a day and every day… you get it, don’t you?
BUSINESS:
As fire symbol you drive to express yourself but fail. This month you will lose at least 500 followers on tumblr and monsterbook because of your unoriginal content.
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: - 2 FUN; - 2 CREATIVITY
Jinx: Water-soluble chalk. Do not try drawing magical runes just to destroy them as soon as the blood-sacrifice happens.
Unlucky number: 5
Taurus: The Mighty Red-Bull
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
Some might call it resistant to change, others might call it being stubborn. As fixed role you struggle to adapt to your friends more than usually, making you the misfit of the group this month.
BUSINESS:
Usually associated with being cautious and making the right decisions in the material world you should evade these topics this month. Everything you will try to do, will fail!
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -2 MONEY; -2 SMARTS
Jinx: Everything in the color vermillion. It makes you look awful and it brings out the crazy in you. Nobody likes the crazy you.
Unlucky Number: 3
Gemini: The Conjoined Twins:
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
Not everyone is like your sibling, you know? Your tendency to help others will get shamelessly abused this month.
BUSINESS:
As part of the air element you are usually great in communicating and socializing. Only that this time you will meet someone of such divine communication skills. Compared to them you seem like an uneducated oaf.
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: - 2 SMARTS, - 2 CHARM
Jinx: Scissors/Knives or anything sharp because they might make you separate things that are unhealthy for yourself!
Unlucky Number: 2
Cancer: The Average MOBA-Player
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
As water sign you are blessed with a high empathy. Too bad mankind sucks and you come to the realization that nothing you can do will change that. You end up being all salty and spiteful.
BUSINESS:
You want to take the initiative. You want to be described as great force, overpowering your enemies with all your might. Too bad this month all roles were taken and you have to do the position 5 support, which means you will end up being emotionally drained, mentally abused and flamed constantly. Everything will be your fault!
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -10 LIFEWILL; - 4 FUN
Jinx: Honestly any kind of video games. You will end up losing more and more ranks, more and more medals. Do not play video games this month. DO. NOT. PLAY!
Unlucky number: 9
Leo: The Brave Furry:
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
Be careful that you do not end up as a little kitten/pupper instead of the brave creature you deem yourself to be! Your strong willpower will be broken this month! Poor little submissive fawn! Beware the big bad wolf or you might get teared apart.
BUSINESS:
Your staff does not share your enthusiasm about working with serving serfs from certain kingdoms. You end up losing your well-deserved leading position. At least you are not a serf, right...?
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -2 MONEY, -2 SMARTS
Jinx: Beware of waterspout fountains! They are the bane of your existence this month! Imagine all the bad things they can do to your well-tamed hair!
Unlucky number: 15
Virgo: The Iron Maiden
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
Sadly, you are not as resourceful in your love-life than you are in other areas. It will make your partners crave someone more interesting. They will end up leaving you for someone more spontaneous!
BUSINESS:
You are being cautious. Too cautious. One chance after another is passing by and you seem to be too considerate to grab them. There is always a time in one’s life, where you must make the decision if you want to remain safe or want to go and take that opportunity. A onetime chance! And you missed it.
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -2 FUN, -2 CHARISMA
Jinx: Hearts! Anything heart related will leave you sad and empty!
Unlucky number: 6
Libra: The Unrighteous Lawyer
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
Maybe stop judging everyone? Most monsters do not like to be judged, especially not by a shady person like yourself. As if you are something better. If you keep that attitude up you will end up driving away even the most loyal friends you ever had!
BUSINESS:
You thought you were good at conceptualization and therefore tried out Startkickers. But your ideas did not receive the wanted (and needed attention). Someone else will manage to disguise your ideas in a more fancy and epic way!
You will gain nothing but the others… well. At least you are invited into their mansions from time to time.
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -2 SMARTS, -2 BOLDNESS
Jinx: Alcohol! You do not want to get hammered this month! Beware!
Unlucky number: 72
Scorpio: The Poisonous Arachnida
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
Your arrogance makes you unapproachable for people. There might be a lot of lovely people close by, but you are blinded by your arbitrary standards. You should take into consideration that you are not as perfect as you might think. Lower your standards!
BUSINESS:
Your great willpower makes you perfect for any leading role. Too bad that you are also as inflexible as you think others are useless.
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -2 BOLDNESS, -2CHARISMA
Jinx: Doctors! Do not get close to them! They want to take out the poisonous out of poisonous Arachnida!
Unlucky number: 8
Sagittarius: The Blind Archer:
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
You keep your eyes closed for the hints of possible betrayal/traitors in your environment. You took the rule of ‘keep your friends close, but your foes closer’ a bit too serious, didn’t you?
BUSINESS:
As a mutable sign you are usually associated with flexibility but this month you will come off as unreliable and inconsistent. Your diplomatic behavior will lead to no good this month as you might take too many shady deals without realizing, that you are being ripped off.
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: - 2 CHARISMA, - 2 MONEY
Jinx: Directions. Do not trust them. They will lead you nowhere!
Unlucky number: 1
Capricorn: The Wicked Goat
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
You seek a dynamic and fun-loaded relationship. But nothing like that will come to you this month. Instead the only action you will get this month is … none. Too bad. Maybe another time.
BUSINESS:
As sophisticated business goat with a lot of experience in the material world you might assume that nothing can surprise you. You are right. You are bored. So bored that it might be best to quit everything and try doing something else?
At least you would get some action this way? Maybe? Eventually? Probably not.
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -2 FUN, -2 SMARTS
Jinx: Books. Beware! They might (literally) bore you to death! You should also avoid anything book/literature related! WHY ARE YOU READING THIS MAGAZINE?! IT IS DANGEROUS!
Your unlucky number: 12
Aquarius: The Ruling Merman
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
Something seems fishy in your relationships. Maybe it is the decaying smell of an already dead affiliation. Not healthy! Maybe try to get lost of undead love instead of trying again and again and again. The only one with a broken and bleeding heart will be you in the end!
BUSINESS:
You will come to realization that the pull of some planets whose names you already forgot are way too strong for you while your competitors seem to get buffed. Unfair!
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -2FUN, -2CHARISMA
Jinx: Planes! Beware the Air-people! They might attack soon! Be careful!
Unlucky Number: 18
Pisces: The Creepy Sea-Dweller
FRIENDSHIP & LOVE:
Partners will seek you because of your emotional support and your empathy. But beware! A lot of people might want to abuse you this month! You can never be sure if the people are with you because they like you or because they just want to make a use of you!
BUSINESS:
You are a resourceful Monster. But working part-time with BuzzfeastingonBrains is not the best way to use your ideas. They rip you off and use your ideas as their own. The Media-industry shall be damned!
UNLUCKY ITEMS:
Your stat-changes this month: -2 MONEY, -2 BOLDNESS
Jinx: Anything pressure related! You don’t do well with pressure. Emotional pressure, work pressure, air pressure. Beware!
Unlucky Number: 21