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"Why did she do that?" Ascot muttered, folding himself into as small a shape as he could to let Zazu slip into the space beside him, the two of them pressed together into a tiny gap between two buildings, the gap itself hidden down an alleyway, and hopefully far enough from prying eyes that the mixture of police and security guards fairly crowding the streets wouldn't spot them.
Zazu leaned into him, shaking with laughter as he rested against Ascot's chest. "Why did she bring us to Vegas when there's a huge police conference on, or why did she burst into it to blow kisses at Mr. Hot Officer?"
"Either. Both." Ascot wrapped one arm about Zazu's shoulders and leaned his head against his boyfriend's, trying to catch his breath, heartbeat still racing. They at least had cover overhead, the back end of some nonsense light-up sign extending over the gaps between buildings, so no satellite or helicopter was going to see them.
"Because he's the 'super hot detective'. And he hasn't tried to arrest her in at least six months. You know how Caldina gets when the people she likes are ignoring her," Zazu told him. He'd been with them a little over a year now, but it hadn't taken long for him to become just as familiar with 'the hot detective LaFarga' and Caldina's ill-advised fascination with him as Ascot was. Unfortunately.
"One day he's going to manage to get her locked up so securely we have to go rescue her," Ascot grouched, though he couldn't stop holding Zazu just a little tighter as he did so - he hated it when Caldina was in trouble. "I think we should leave her for a week first. Maybe then she'll stop flirting with the Police."
"Unlikely, but worth a try," Zazu agreed, voice still wobbling on the laughter he hadn't quite stopped. "Hey, d'you think -"
Both their phones vibrated at the same moment, and they pulled slightly apart to pull them out of pockets. //Have some fun this afternoon I'll see you at 7pm by the motel we didn't stay in xoxo// read the message, from an unidentified number. Ascot sighed, and shoved it back in his pocket.
"I guess we need to stay out of public for the afternoon. The casinos are probably watched, and there's a lot of people in them… where else can you go in Vegas?" Ascot muttered, but Zazu didn't respond. In fact, he'd gone very still against him. "...Zazu? Are you okay?"
"...Hey, Ascot?" Zazu's voice was a little strange, and Ascot couldn't read his expression at all. "...Do you want to get married?"
"...What?"
"To me?" Zazu shrugged one shoulder, biting his lip. "I mean, we'd have to use fake ID, but - I'd like - it would get us off the streets and we'd be doing something legitimate if anyone stopped us? If you don't want to, that's fine, it's not like - I mean, people don't normally get engaged and married in the same day, sorry-"
Zazu flustered was fascinating, but right now his suggestion - his proposal - was far more distracting. They'd been dating for more than nine months, and Ascot had started to feel confident Zazu meant it, wasn't going to turn around and vanish, decide Ascot wasn't worth - this whole messed up lifestyle, but - marriage?
He opened his mouth silently, lost for words, then gave in and just leaned forwards and kissed Zazu as hard as he could, pressing him back against the rough brick of the building behind, and Zazu got his arms up around Ascot's neck and pulled him as close as they could go.
"Okay," Zazu said, breathlessly, when Ascot pulled back to catch his breath. "We're doing this?"
"Yes," Ascot told him, feeling the smile on his face grow painfully wide. "Yes."
oOo
It took awhile for them to calm down enough to stop with the kissing, get their clothes back in place, and make a plan. Booking a wedding ceremony was pretty easy online - Zazu got in on the network of the building they were leaning against (no one had changed the default password on the router, he declared it wasn't even hacking to get password for the network) and started looking up the slightly less sleazy places that had availability, while Ascot checked for the closest County Clerk's office so they could get a marriage license. It turned out you could register for that online, too, which sped up the process when you got there in-person.
There was just one problem, which they both hit at the same moment. "So…" Zazu said, looking up. "Um. Who exactly am I marrying?"
"...I don't remember what IDs I even have with us," Ascot admitted. "You?"
"A load of terrible things Eagle came up with? We'll need them, anyway."
That was how they ended up sneaking back to the empty apartment above one of the casinos in the old part of town where they actually had spent the night, and had left their stuff, sat on the floor sifting through each other's fake identities.
"Um, Ascot?" Zazu held up a handful of driving licenses. "Why're these - Jack Jackson, David Davidson, Sam Samson - Mann Manson?"
"...I was arguing with Caldina about whether people would notice," Ascot muttered, flushing.
"Mann Manson?"
"He bought three cars on credit and no one cared." Ascot shrugged. "There's a warrant out on him, though, had to use one of the cars as a getaway vehicle, police got hold of it. I still won the bet."
"Why do you still have it?" Zazu asked, bewildered, and Ascot looked down in an attempt to hid his smirk.
"...I stick it in Caldina's bag sometimes, when she's done something - well, like she did today. Reminding her I won that bet pisses her off. But Zazu, these…" Ascot held up identification in various forms for Zachariah Lex Stark, Zebadiah Kerr, and "Ermintrude Bustle?"
"Never pick fake identities trapped with Eagle for days on end, drinking wine and watching The Magic Roundabout ," Zazu told him, with a wince. "I really don't like Paris."
"I'm not marrying Zebediah!" Ascot told him, firmly. "The police will take one look at the listing and arrest us."
"It's no weirder than my real name," Zazu pointed out.
"But your real name is your real name! We can't use that one, and it'd still bring the cops in if they start looking at what's going on in town today."
"I must have something less, uh, noticeable. Here, you pick yours…"
oOo
Three hours later, 'Scott Green' stood hand in hand with 'Nathaniel Carter', who had insisted on buying them nice, nondescript titanium bands that they would be able to wear most of the time even in their line of work, and meant every word of his vows - with the very slight exception of the names at the start. Zazu beamed at him, through the whole thing, and accidentally said 'Ascot' at least once, but nobody noticed.
They met Caldina a little later, hand in hand and grinning, not asking where she'd acquired the new car that pulled up across from the terrible-looking motel at the edge of town she'd pointed at the day before and declared she would never, ever, stay in. Ascot took over the wheel and Zazu slid into the back, as normal, but Caldina glanced between the two of them several times as Ascot pulled out onto the highway.
Normally, Ascot would have been hissing at her for doing stupid things; today he couldn't stop grinning. But he kept his hand with the ring hidden on the other side of the steering wheel until Caldina erupted with "Okay, did you two just get a room and fuck all afternoon or what?"
"Better," Ascot said, and pulled the marriage certificate out of his pocket to drop in her lap, and braced himself for the inevitable shriek.
"You got married! You got - Ascot, you got married and you didn't invite me!"
"Well," he said, calmly indicating and pulling out to overtake while Zazu cracked up in the backseat, "You told us to keep ourselves busy. Not my fault you'd gone and got the attention of every police officer in the state."
"You got married! Without me! In Vegas!" Caldina flapped the piece of paper at them. "I'm proud and disappointed in you all at once!"
"We'll do it again with our real names, someday," Zazu said from the back, meeting Ascot's eyes in the mirror. "We'll invite you to that one, promise."
"Well," Caldina said, and reached over to ruffle Ascot's hair. "...Congratulations, you brat."
Ascot grinned at the road and kept driving.