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early april meant the cherry trees were covered in pink blossoms that filled the expanse of the sky, leaving only a few cracks through which one could peek up at the blue above. slowly but surely, the frail petals detached from their cores and fell to the ground, engulfing the city in a soft shade of pastel pink, like snow in the spring.
the time of full bloom had finally come, it turned the already dreamlike scenery even more breathtaking. all those weeks changbin had spent in the waiting had been worth it then, no doubt in his mind that it truly was the most perfect time to see it with his better half. and felix had been so eager, child-like excitement filled his voice in a way so endearing, a loving smile never failed to tug at changbin's lips each time his lover talked about how happy he felt to have finally gotten that chance, how romantic it would be, and how he wished to forget about everything else as they stood kissing underneath all the pink.
that was the first time any of them ever laid eyes on it, only then did changbin understand the reason behind felix's exhilaration. a sight so wondrous, a true feast for the eyes. all the tiny details overwhelmed his vision, newer ones he hadn't noticed before appeared the longer he looked. it seemed like a whole new world had unraveled before them, and felix refused to let any part of it go unnoticed as he pointed out all the little things he found amazing and that changbin might have otherwise missed. yet, he found his gaze shifting to felix more often than not. the view was truly stunning, he couldn't deny that. but felix… he was something else entirely.
the few rays of sunlight that had filtered through the pink clouds above collided with felix's eyes as he looked up in awe. they sparkled as if diamond dust had been sprinkled all over them, and their chocolatey brown color turned golden, like it was made of the richest, sweetest honey. his face glowed as the direct light came into contact with it, perfectly sunkissed skin appeared to be covered in a layer of solid bronze, in which only a few darker spots stood out. the pink tones in his irresistible thick lips matched those in the landscape, yet changbin knew they were softer, more delicate than any blossom and he loved them the most when they bloomed around his in a passionate kiss. what topped it all off, made it even more beautiful and lit up felix's whole face, more than the sun ever could, was his smile, one of the only gateways for the joy his body struggled so hard to contain.
their fascination, albeit for different reasons, didn't allow them to exchange many words, apart from the one time felix raved about the kids running around, how tiny and adorable they were, which changbin knew was his not so discreet way of letting him know how badly he wanted one, or maybe even more, but it was a subject changbin would rather save for another time.
a gust of wind struck them every so often, it brought the remnants of the winter chill and ruffled their hair, to which felix would just giggle and press their bodies closer together. and changbin, just like any fool in love who was too enchanted by his partner's gestures, found himself mimicking that contagious smile and tightening the link their arms made. felix felt warmer than usual against his cold skin, and having that paired with the gentle and loving nature of his touch, made changbin want to feel it against him forever.
"it tickles…"
it was hard to believe those words had come from felix, that his remarkably deep voice could turn into such a cute whine. changbin was met with a pout and the most adorable nose scrunch, tiny wrinkles formed all around as felix moved it from side to side to try and get rid of the one stubborn petal that refused to fall from it, to no avail.
changbin trapped his lower lip between his teeth, the only way he found to contain the smile that threatened to tear his face in half. he reached out for the petal that sat atop felix's tiny nose with his free hand. he didn't pull it back once he was done, instead cupped felix's cheek as they made intense eye contact. there was barely any distance to close, it only took a moment for their lips to meet. just like felix wished to, they had kissed under the pink blossoms.
changbin wanted to remember that day forever, especially the smile that had adorned felix's face and never really left. he doubted he would ever forget it, but it didn't feel like a memory would be enough. he needed something more real. he got someone to stop and take a photo of them.
they stood under the trees, bodies touching, side by side. felix still hadn't let go of his arm and leaned even closer until his soft cheek rested on changbin's shoulder. in his lips, a smile so joyous and genuine, happiness radiated off of it. changbin struck a cooler, more nonchalant pose, but his feelings still made themselves known as he leaned his head ever so slightly so that it was pressed against felix's. and even then his eyes averted to his lover's face, as he stared at the brightness of his smile with fondness. on each of their fingers was a gold band, one they'd placed on the other's as a promise of eternal love, that they belonged to one another, forever. or at least they should have, if not for the cruel hands of Fate.
✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
changbin's hands have been shaking ever since he got to that place. he can't control them, nor does he try to, his focus is all in that one picture he's holding. his vision is too blurry to make out any detail, but he knows. he's seen it far too many times, wasted too many hours. in fact, the tiniest glance at it has the whole day playing in his mind.
he caresses the spot he knows felix's face is at as more tears spill from his eyes and trickle down his soaked cheeks. one of them escapes, and falls straight into the printed paper. changbin chokes back a painful sob, the panic within him rising, he's terrified of damaging it. he doesn't have much left to treasure anyway but that is the most precious thing. he hurries to save it, wiping it dry with his sleeve.
changbin has been trying not to make a sound for so long, but in the end breaks down and falls to his knees. the pain that washes over him is too much, his whole body feels numb, with the exception of his heart, that only seems to feel pain. he buries his face in his arms as loud, painful sobs take over his weak body. he could care less about what the people passing by think, what they see or hear, the only thing he cares about is felix.
changbin still loves him so much. all he wants is to have him back. he misses everything about him. the sound of his voice that used to awaken him every single morning, as felix had made a point to be the very first thing he heard. his laughter that could have a whole room laughing too, it was just that enchanting. the way his doe eyes used to light up at the smallest of things, but gained a whole different kind of glimmer whenever he was in changbin's presence. his smile, that not only brightened his own face, but changbin's day too. and those lips, that had spent countless hours connected to his, the ones that, come nightfall, changbin wouldn't let a minute go by when they weren't pressed against his. he misses being lulled to sleep in his embrace, his loving touch engulfing him, the last thing he ever felt before drifting off. there's not a thing he doesn't want back. even the tiniest of details he could have once considered his faults. more and more tears wash over him as he thinks about what he once took for granted and now can never have again.
why did felix have to go so soon? all their promises, hopes and dreams… they mean nothing now, all a bunch of meaningless words. truthfully, nobody would expect to go at such a young age, when they had barely just started living. it felt like the future was a guarantee. he remembered one of the last things he'd promised felix. a family... not that they weren't one already but a bigger one. they didn't have that chance, and instead, the most important member is gone.
and all changbin has now is a damn tombstone. one as cold as he wishes his heart had become, so he wouldn't miss the warmth and joy felix brought him. a tombstone he only knows to be felix's because of the name engraved on it. it could have easily been anyone else's. it wasn't anything like the man resting underneath it. felix was unique and special, and the only one changbin will ever want.
he raises his tear striken face so he can stare at it. it's grey, devoid of color or any redeeming factor, anything that could bring some kind of joy. in a way, it's pretty much like changbin's life become, ever since the untimely death of his ray of sunshine.
in front of it lay the flowers he'd brought along. felix's favorite, white roses. pure and innocent, just like him. changbin feels like it's the least he could have done. wherever felix is, he needs to know that he is still loved and appreciated so deeply, even if changbin's life is in shambles and he hates everything that remains of it. he knows the flowers won't do anything, won't bring felix back, nothing ever will. all they do is fill him up with nostalgia, of all the times he'd brought them home just so he could see the smile that lit up felix's face. it's all pointless now, he won't see it again, nor get a kiss or a hug, not even an 'i love you'… he won't hear any of those ever again.
and then, a single pink blossom appears at the top of his sight, drifting in the air, until it lands on the photograph his hand struggles to hold, right on top of felix's face, as if it's mocking him. changbin looks up as the tears continue to fall all the way down to his neck. there's a cherry tree above him, pink covering its entirety.
he realizes it's been almost a year. it had been nothing but an accident and whoever did it must have felt guilty for weeks, maybe even months, but one day they would forget. yet for changbin it's only getting worse. the days seem to pass slower, each one hurts more than the other. it feels like he's been suffering for decades, not months. time is not going to heal his pain, in fact it will only make it worse. the more it passes, then the more has been stolen from felix, the more he deserves to have had.
it's blossom season again. but now changbin's alone, and it doesn't feel like spring, instead the coldest winter, one that would last a lifetime.