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"You're all set to check out, Dean." Tessa patted his shoulder as Dean rolled his suitcase to the check out counter. He gave her a slight smile, almost as if to say "I'm sad to go," while at the same time saying "Thank God I'm leaving".
Dean Winchester had been checked into the Lebanon Institute for the Mentally Ill two months prior because his schizophrenia induced hallucinations had caused him to jump out a three story window. He'd claimed there'd been someone in the room with him, but his parents weren't having it. His mother had hoped that the time spent in The Asylum, as Dean called it, would help keep him in check, and for the most part it did. He took all his medication on time and didn't try to kill himself, so Dean would call that a win.
For once in his life he was excited to go back to school. After all that had happened, at least now he could start again and act like nothing ever happened. Dean would have to make new friends but maybe these ones wouldn't spread rumors about what happened over the summer. He'd had a limited amount of friends before but after they found out about his condition they all ditched him. Which meant no one had come to visit him the whole two months he was admitted but now wasn't the time for Dean to feel sorry for himself. He was finally being released and it was time to celebrate.
Of course, his celebration only consisted of his mom and little brother, Sammy. They'd all made him feel at home, even bought him a cake that said "Welcome Home from The Asylum" in fancy writing. Dean laughed at it, he knew it must've been Sam's idea. Kid might be thirteen but he understood Dean's sense of humor. They ate and avoided talking about Dean's episode like doing so would make them explode.
"So, Dean, are you excited to go back to school?" His mom turned towards him.
"It's better than The Asylum so sure." Dean shrugged and shoved another bite in his mouth.
"Sam certainly is, he's been talking about it all week." Dean stood up and walked over to Sam.
"Oh yeah? Why're you so excited to get back to school? Got a special someone to get back to?" He ruffled Sam's hair before returning to his chair.
"Dean..." Sam rolled his eyes and fixed his hair.
"Ah c'mon Sammy, I missed two months of teasing you. I have to make up for it somehow."
"Alright you two, cut it out. And you," she pointed at Sam, "get to bed. You have school tomorrow."
"Fine." Sam trudged out of the dining room. Once Sam was out of earshot Dean's mom sat down next to Dean.
"Dean, we need to talk about that day. And about how you're going to-"
"Mom, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. That was a freak thing and I've been on lock up since. I think I'll be okay."
Dean's mom let out a deep sigh before patting his hand, "Alright. Just make sure to take your medication. Can you do that?"
"Yeah." Dean's mom got up and stood behind him, her hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you." She kissed the top of his head, "Now, its your turn to go to bed. Big day tomorrow." She smiled and let Dean get out of his chair.
"Love you, mom." Dean walked into the kitchen and grabbed his orange medicine bottle.
"Love you too, Dean."
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The next day Dean did his routine. Got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, and took his medication. It'd been the same thing for the past two months and was a hard habit to break. He got in the shotgun seat of his late dad's car and Sam got in the backseat. Dean always wanted to drive the Impala but with his hallucinations his mom decided that driving wasn't in his best interest. His mom started the car and Dean watched the fields and ignored the man on the side of the road who was missing teeth and most of his hair. This was one of the few hallucinations he could tell were misplaced. Most homeless people stayed in the city. That and Sam didn't point him out. Soon after they pulled into the school parking lot.
"First day senior year. I expect a full report when you get home." Dean's mom turned to him with a bright smile. As much as Dean wanted to hold a grudge against his mom, when she looked at him or Sam like that it was hard to forget that she just wanted the best for them.
Dean got out of the car after waving his mom goodbye. Immediately he was met with the voices of people talking on their way into the school. Most of them were too scattered for him to make out their exact sentences, and that's what clued him in that they were most likely delusions. Then the paranoia kicked in. Dean was always skeptical about new places. He looked behind him but kept walking and in doing so ran into another student.
"Oh I'm sorry, even with my glasses I can't see where I'm going sometimes." The boy stepped back and pushed up his glasses before outstretching his hand, "I'm Castiel."
"Hi, I'm uh, I'm Dean." Dean shook Castiel's hand.
"Are you new? You seem a little lost." Castiel tilted his head and half smiled.
"Yeah, was it that obvious?"
"Well you were looking around like this was the most foreign place you'd ever been- you weren't home schooled were you?"
"Might as well have been," Dean muttered.
"Okay, well do you have your schedule yet?" Dean shook his head. "Well, I was on my way to go get mine from the front office. You can tag along if you want. This place is pretty big if you haven't figured that out yet."
"Yeah," Dean laughed. Castiel waved him to follow through the front door. They retrieved their schedules then stood in the hallway to compare classes.
"Alright, so we have the same classes first through third period. Then lunch and sixth and seventh. Cool, I can help you figure this place out- that is if you'd like some help." Castiel folded his schedule up and shoved it in his pocket.
"Yeah, I'm sure I'll need it." Dean neatly creased his paper down the center.
*************************
A few months after that day, Dean and Castiel had become quite close. But through it all, Dean still hid his schizophrenia. Not that anyone could blame him, but to Castiel it seemed like Dean was closing himself off and almost ignoring him. Though Castiel had tried to confront Dean on it many times, Dean always rapidly changed the subject or pretended not to hear him. But when Christmas Break rolled around, Castiel decided that maybe, in the spirit of the holidays, Dean will finally let him in on whatever secret he'd been hiding.
"Hey Dean, have you ever had a full on snowball fight?" Castiel and Dean wandered through the park, Dean looking behind them every three steps to make sure they weren't being followed.
"No, my mom never let me."
"Why not, they're snowballs. What harm could they do?" Dean kept walking while Castiel bent down and gathered a snowball in his hands.
"Black eye maybe? I don't know but-" a good sized snowball hit Dean square in the back. Unfortunately, the speed of the snowball along with the sound it made against Dean's jacket triggered one of his delusional fears; being shot from behind. Specific, yes and more likely than one would think. This action and the comorbid panic disorder that went hand in hand with schizophrenia sent Dean into a panic attack. From the distance where Castiel was standing he couldn't see Dean struggling to breath or how he shook underneath his coat. All he saw was Dean stop and freeze. He started making his way up to where Dean was standing.
"Dean? Dean? C'mon man it couldn't have hurt that- Hey are you okay?" Castiel walked in front of Dean and out his hands on Dean's shoulders. "What happened?"
"I'm...fine..." Dean glanced around the area, making sure no one around actually had a gun.
"Dean, it's alright. You can tell me what's wrong."
"I said I'm fine." Dean spoke through gritted teeth, tired of being asked "Are you okay?" and "What's wrong?". He'd only been hearing it for seventeen years.
Castiel backed off a little bit and returned to Dean's side. "Alright. Do you want to take a break, there's a bench a little ways up ahead."
"Yeah sure, whatever." Though his words were nonchalant, Dean's mind was still reeling and twisting and his paranoia was increasing by the step. He was continuously turning around to see who and what was behind him. He noted a squirrel, five trees (three on the left, two on the right), a couple walking through the snow, a snow shoveler that was shoveling the same sidewalk section over and over again, and Castiel beside him. They finally reached the bench and Dean let Castiel sit down first under the assumption that there might be a bomb under it. After waiting for the bench to explode, Dean finally took a seat.
"So, you want to tell me what all that was about?" Castiel rested his arm on the top of the bench.
"Not really."
"Dean, seriously. Whatever it is, you've been hiding it for months now. And don't try to change the subject because I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. With all your, I don't know, paranoia, it seems like you have a stalker. So correct me if I'm wrong or I'm just going to think-"
"I don't have a stalker, okay? Now will you just drop it, Cas." Dean shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned forward to see around Castiel.
"Dude, c'mon. You can't just-"
Dean stood up, "Fine, you wanna know what it is? Come with me." He started walking down the sidewalk.
"Where are we going?"
Dean turned around, "My house."
Castiel followed and watched as Dean strayed off the path avoiding what Dean saw as a snow shoveler but Cas saw as empty sidewalk. They finally reached Dean's house, a small mobile home with one car parked out front. They walked inside and Dean scanned the room as he walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a medicine bottle from the cabinet and dropped it into Cas's hand.
"There, you wanna know so bad? Read that." Dean walked towards the door to let Cas out, sure that he was going to leave. And when Castiel turned towards Dean, he knew that Cas was getting ready to pull the typical questions card, or he was going to walk out and avoid Dean for the rest of senior year.
Cas walked towards him and gave him back the medicine bottle, "Okay, now do you want to show me around or are we going back out to the park?"
*******************************
Their lives went on normally, as normal as can be for Dean at least. Castiel didn't ditch him or even spread rumors about him which was a new experience for Dean. But that simple action made Dean trust Castiel so much more. And, much to Dean's dismay, he developed a bit of a crush on Cas. He might not have to hide his schizophrenia anymore but a crush, that was almost worse.
Not many people in their small town were pro-LGBT and there'd even been an anti-gay protest at the church when a gay couple got married. Cas almost seemed to flirt with everyone but Dean figured that was just his personality. He'd met a few other people like that while in The Asylum. Though, if that was the case it meant that Dean could never tell Castiel what was going on. And after that day during Christmas break, Dean and Cas vowed to not keep secrets anymore.
One night a few months after Christmas, Dean was flipping through his favorite Greek Mythology book to forget about life, when he saw the name Castiel in it. He read the passage over and over again thinking about his Castiel and the book Castiel. He looked at the angel in the book holding an hourglass and jumped to the conclusion of the time with his Cas running out. Dean checked the time on his nightstand after reading every few words of the same passage. It was like his mind was set on a continuous loop just with more and more degrading thoughts between each one. And before long Dean is just staring at his clock while tears welled in his eyes.
He wiped his eyes with his sleeve when a small figure appeared in the open crack of his door.
"Hey Dean?" Sam was quiet and barely stuck his head into Dean's room.
"Hiya Sammy," Dean's voice cracked and he waved for Sam to come in.
Sam looked around Dean's room, silently trying to figure out what triggered Dean. He sat down by Dean and saw the open book and then name Castiel over a large passage. "What book are you reading?"
"It's a Greek Mythology book."
"Did it, you know, trigger you?" Sam tiptoed around the words like saying them would shatter Dean.
"No Sammy, it didn't."
"Then why are you crying?"
"It's a lot of things, Sammy. I don't know if you'd get it."
"Well, try me." Sam half smiled and Dean's face softened.
"Have you ever felt different, Sam? Like different in a bad way?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"That's what I'm going through."
"Because of your schizophrenia?"
"No, that'd probably be easier to deal with. But it's something else..."
"Well, you can't just say that and then not tell me."
"Alright, but if you're disappointed or don't want to associate with me just tell me, okay?"
"Okay." Dean looked down at the floor.
"I think I like someone... but this someone is... a guy." Dean gulped before meeting Sam's eyes.
"That's it? I thought you were going to say you were going away or something." Sam was smiling.
'Yeah, that's it."
"So, who is it?"
"Castiel."
"The angel from your book?"
"No, he goes to school with me. I've brought him here a few times but you haven't been around for it."
"Oh, uh, alright." Sam looked around, unsure. "But uh, what's he look like?"
"He's a little shorter than I am, black hair, blue eyes, and black glasses. He's really nice and didn't ditch me after finding out about my schizophrenia."
"Really? That's nice of him, I think."
Dean laughed, "Yeah it was. But now I'm worried about him finding out that I like him."
"Why?"
"Because he might not like me back. C'mon Sammy, haven't you ever had a crush?"
"No, not really."
"Well, if you do, come to me and I'll help you out."
"Thanks Dean." Dean smiled and looked over at his clock, 9:27 p.m.
"Sammy, you should get to bed." Sam nodded and stood up, "Thanks for everything, by the way."
"You're welcome, Dean." Sam bent down and gave Dean a hug before leaving.
After Sam left Dean let out a sigh of relief and resolved to tell Castiel the next time he saw him.
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Late that night Dean heard a something tapping against his window. He rolled over and flipped on his lamp. Dean sat up and looked at the window, where he saw Castiel's face pressed up against the glass. Dean shot up and opened the window.
"Cas? What are you doing here?"
"Help me in, then I'll explain." Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and helped him climb in through the window.
"Okay, what happened? You look awful to say the least."
"Yeah, I've heard," Cas sat down on Dean's bed and put his head in his hands.
"Hey, Cas, you alright?"
"No, I've had a rough night."
"Hey, 'No Secrets', remember?" Dean sat next to him.
"Yeah, alright. I... I came out to my parents tonight."
"Oh..."
"They kicked me out and well, now I'm here."
"I'm sorry man. I can't imagine what you're going through."
"Well, it's not good."
"But why'd you come here?"
"Because you're my best friend and..."
"And what?"
"And my parents said, 'If you wanna be gay go be gay with the person you're gay for.'"
"Wait, what?"
"I told my parents I liked you and-"
"I like you, too."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I was going to tell you the next time I saw you but you said it first." Dean smiled.
Dean's mom knocked on his door, "Dean? What's going on? Who're you talking to?"
"It's just Castiel, Mom."
"Who?"
"You met him over Christmas break."
"Dean, I've never met a Castiel."
"No, you did. I could've swore..." And with that sentence, Dean's world was flipped upside down. All those conversations he had with his mom about Cas... He'd told her almost everything and yet she never said anything back.
"Dean?"
"Mom, please just... go away."
She sighed and left to the kitchen. Dean turned toward Castiel, who was no longer sitting on his bed. Dean looked around his room, sure that Castiel would just be standing somewhere else, inspecting one of his books. But he wasn't. Dean was alone.
"Cas, no. Not you. You couldn't have been a hallucination. You... you helped me through math and we had a snowball fight. It... it was too real."
Dean's mom knocked on the door again, "Dean can I come in?"
"Yeah..." Dean's voice was weak and breathy.
"I'm sorry."
"Why didn't you say anything?!"
"I did, Dean. I told you after he 'left' during Christmas break. You just didn't register it. So every time you brought him up, I went along with it."
"But mom, he was..."
"I know, Dean. I heard you talking to him. It's okay."
"It's not okay."
"What's going on?" Sam peeked in Dean's room, rubbing his eyes.
"Sam, go back to-"
"No it's okay. Come on in, Sammy."
"Why are you crying?"
"You remember how I was upset earlier tonight?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, turns out I was wrong. It was about my schizophrenia. Castiel was," Dean gulped, "Castiel was a hallucination."
"Dean..." Sam sat down next to Dean and rested his head on Dean's shoulder.
"Yeah, it's alright. I'm alright." Dean wiped his eyes.
Dean's mom sat down next to her sons and wrapped her arm around Dean's shoulders so that her hand rested on Sam's head. They stayed like this for a long while, Dean truing to hold in his tears, Sam doing his best to comfort his brother, and their mom trying to support both her sons in a way where they each felt safe. But the next day, Dean packed his suitcase and checked back in to The Asylum.