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It felt like limbo.
In the back of Yoosung’s mind, layered memories shuffled themselves with each passing time frame. He knew what was happening in glimpses and he knew it for a while now, but he also knew you were his destination. The goal was to get to you, to reach you through any means possible. He had a fifth of a chance but it was better than none.
He dialed your number.
i. voice
He noticed you were fascinated with Jaehee and he couldn’t blame you. She was a strong woman yet caring all the same. The organization would have truly been a mess if she wasn’t there to hold things together for everyone’s sake. Were you attracted by her purity? Maybe so. He had that, too, though, didn’t he?
He hadn’t called you for some days now. Of course the chatroom was still lively as ever since you came around but he hadn’t talked to only you yet.
He dialed your number.
“It’s Yoosung!” He cheered on his end. “It’s been a while, right?”
You agreed and you sounded like you were in good spirits. It made him happy yet nervous at the same time.
“I just missed hearing your voice...” When you didn’t answer immediately, he had to do a double-take, just to make sure. “Ahaha. No other feelings, though! Don’t take it the wrong way!”
But he hoped for you to take it in the intended way, at least for a moment. He couldn’t interfere here now.
“You and Jaehee seemed close these days so I’m glad. Jaehee did always feel like a loner so it’s nice that she’s becoming more open and casual now because of you.”
He was honest with his words about you and about Jaehee. He accepted this truth as he bid you goodbye over the phone. It wasn’t his time.
ii. freesia
Compared to Zen, he knew he wasn’t at the other’s level in terms of looks (but he knew he was good-looking in his own way) so if you were taken in at first by how handsome the actor was, it was easy to understand.
But you got to Zen deep, deeper than anybody had ever done so or even attempted to. He knew that you had that power over them: opening up and shining light over the hidden emotions beneath all the masks of playfulness, mock-narcissism, strictness, and formalities. You had that power now but the power was not for him.
He happened to take a chance in calling you while taking a break from cleaning his apartment. He found an excuse and used it.
He dialed your number.
“Can you recommend me some air fresheners?” For a moment he wondered if you still would be interested in such a topic. It was mundane, yes, but the tone you carried on the line calmed him as it seemed you showed even the slightest attention. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt then to say a little more.
Would you remember these little details about me?
“I like floral scents. I like something fresh and aromatic, like me!”
You laughed at his additions, finding them adorable. “Freesia’s light and good, too. You’ll smell a slight floral scent.”
His shoulders dropped and for a few seconds he paused. Freesia… Shaking his head, he gathered himself together and laughed with you on the phone. “I’ve heard of that one but I think it suits you better. Gentle and delicate…”
“Really? You think so?”
“Yes— but that doesn’t mean I have feelings for you or anything like that!” Did he really let the words slip just like that? He should have been careful. It wasn’t his time, either. “Don’t take it the wrong way. I don’t mess with people who are taken. Anyways, thanks for the recommendation!”
“You sound silly, Yoosung, but you’re welcome!”
“I’ll go back to my cleaning now. Oh right!” Accept it. “You and Zen… look really great together.”
iii. alternative
If there was one thing he could share with Jumin in the current situation, it was loss. Though not of the same gravity, he did understand that the C&R heir’s attachment to Elizabeth 3rd was deep enough to compare his own with Rika. It was odd to think of it that way but it was the easiest manner he could think of to sympathize.
And still in memories, he knew it wasn’t only Rika he had lost. Even his own heart could beat twice as fast if he thought of you just once. There was longing that he could not and would not escape from.
He dialed your number.
The ringing kept on going until the line died. He grew nervous. You tended to be free for the most part but maybe Jumin was keeping you company at the moment. After all, everyone knew how you were staying over at his place, more or less of your own decision. He wondered how you were doing and if you were alright.
He jumped when the phone rang, vibrating against his palms. Too many thoughts and too little alertness. He should really do better with his focus.
His heart skipped beats when he saw you calling. He answered immediately.
“You called back.” Was his voice a little too excited? Maybe it was and maybe it didn’t really matter at the moment. He wanted to say what was on his mind. “I had something I wanted to discuss with you.”
“What is it?”
“It’s about Jumin. I think he changed a lot since he lost Elizabeth 3rd. I… was like that, too, so I understand how he feels. If you lose something important, you become nervous that you’ll lose everything else, too.”
And everyone.
“You would know, Yoosung. I’m sorry.”
Your voice sounded concerned. He was grateful.
“It’s okay. It’s just scary how much Jumin reminds me of my past, so I’m really worried. Now all his emotions are geared towards you so I think you should be careful. Do you get what I mean?”
“Do you really think Jumin just sees me as Elizabeth’s alternative?”
No! No, no, no. You’re never an alternative.
He gulped. He couldn’t say more. “I don’t think that’s it. He’s feeling new emotions but they’re way too much. I think his intentions are good and he wants to be with you because he likes you.”
“That’s sweet of you to say. Thank you.”
“No problem. I have to go now. I only wanted to tell you to be careful, nothing else!”
Nothing else.
iv. game
He remembers the flow of the memories now, shaky though they could be at times, but the feelings never wavered despite it all. Thus he also remembers the shock when finding out about the bomb’s presence in the apartment, as if all the timeline’s memories place themselves together for every scene’s reveal. At this point, he could be angry and he could be frustrated, but they all pose nothing against the fear and concern that’s overwhelming him at the moment.
I know Seven’s there and I know he’ll handle it but…
But what about him? What could he do?
Through gritted teeth and with a tight grip on his phone, he dialed your number.
“I was shocked as soon as I read the messages. Are you okay?”
He heard a sharp intake of breath. You were holding on strong. You always were, he remembered that about you somehow.
“I’m okay.” You answered. “I’m alright, Yoosung.”
“Of course! I know it might be hard to understand geniuses but I’m sure anybody would know that you can’t install a bomb in someone’s apartment.”
“I think the same.”
“You understand, right? Everything is gone once it goes off! Agh...”
“I’m fine. Seven’s with me, too.”
“It just doesn’t change the fact that there’s a bomb beside you. Aren’t you mad at him that he left you there all alone before we all knew?”
“Yoosung…”
“You might think I’m such a game addict if I say this but I wish this world were a game today. If this were a game, I would…” Damn it. “I wouldn’t mind the bomb and just teleport to where you are to protect you… I wouldn’t have stayed still. I can’t even stay still right now, I’m shaking to do anything to help.“
“Yoosung, calm down.” You told him. “Nothing bad’s going to happen.”
He sighed deeply. “Okay, okay, I—“
Could timings have been any worse? Through all that rush of emotion, Yoosung momentarily forgot his mother had been visiting and she was calling for him now.
“My mom’s here. Jumin called her and now I have to go.”
“It’s okay. I’ll be fine here.”
“I feel so pathetic for not being able to do anything in such a dangerous situation.” He felt a headache coming in. He needed sleep soon, too. Right now his feelings for you weren’t the priority, only your safety. He knew it would circle his mind until someone finds a solution for it. “I can’t do anything today but I trust Seven will take good care of you. He won’t let anything happen to you, I know it.”
He’s there for you.
“Please stay safe.”
v.
It still felt like limbo. He was a bystander in all the timelines but why was it hard to remember when you were his?
v.
They say mornings bring in new beginnings. Was today fateful?
He dialed your number. You didn’t answer.
v. present
Maybe he was getting ahead of himself. He remembered a feeling of a racing heart being familiar again as the day went on. During the evening when everyone had quieted down, he remembered a flicker of hope.
He dialed your number.
“You picked up right away! We must have thought the same thing!” There was excitement. He suddenly heard himself laugh almost due to relief. “This is funny to say and maybe a little embarrassing but… I thought you were talking to someone else.”
“No, I was waiting for your call.”
“… Really?” He covered his face with his free hand. His cheeks felt warm. “My heart just jumped a bit. I think I’m a bit weird if I say that I feel possessive, that I want to talk to only you privately.”
You had to laugh, too. “I sign in because I enjoy talking with you.”
“But what if you start liking someone else? What if I’m not the reason you sign in anymore? I keep wanting confirmation because I don’t want to lose the happiness now.”
“Then don’t doubt it all. Worrying about the past and the future will only make us more anxious.” You told him. “Let’s live in the present. Now is what matters, right?”
Now.
He realized that it was his time and the smile on his face grew wider. “Yes. I should appreciate this. I’m happy… because you’re in my present.”