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Mori had never considered himself a daredevil. He always spent his free time at home, reading, maybe going for a light jog if he felt particularly bold, but he was never one to step very far out of his comfort zone. It was a small comfort zone. Comfortable. As it should be. He was very cozy and content with staying within its confines.
The rollercoaster that towered above him was about as many meters out of his comfort zone as it was tall. It began with a 90-degree rise that continued to a 90-degree drop. It had so many loop-de-loops that even trying to count them made Mori sick. All its twists and turns must have been designed to guarantee the world's most painful whiplash. Every few seconds, a car would come by full of screaming passengers. They appeared on the surface to be screaming in fun, but in Mori's mind's eye, there was an undertone of terror in each adrenaline-fueled shriek.
"No. No way. I am not doing that." Even just looking at the thing from where they stood in line made Mori's stomach do loop-de-loops of its own.
Sora tugged on Mori's sleeve. "Aw, come on, Mori! It'll be fun! The scary part is the fun part! Right, Nozomu?"
"Ya-hoo!" Nozomu cried in agreement, pulling a dazed Ren into a tight hug.
Poor Ren looked absolutely mortified.
Mori shook his head, focusing his eyes on the ground to try to stop his head from spinning. "No. Absolutely not. You know what? You guys have fun. I'll be right over here... on this bench... waiting. I'll be fine. Go enjoy yourselves." He ducked out from under the rope barrier, taking careful steps backwards as if it were going to suck him back in. Despite Sora's pouting about how these things were perfectly safe and government-approved, probably, and they were actually a lot of fun when you gave them the chance, Mori refused to go back to the line. Technically, he'd be cutting the line, right? That was against amusement park protocol. He'd get in trouble with the authorities. It would be logical not to risk any chance of legal action.
A comforting hand rested on Mori's shoulder. "I'll be with you, okay? Don't worry." Soushi smiled at him gently. Mori's rapid heart rate settled immediately. The drummer's presence always made him feel at ease—he had that effect on people. Maybe just on Mori. But whatever it was, it made him relax.
"Hey, no fair! How come you get Soushi? We wanted Soushi! You traitor!" Sora cried, pointing an accusatory finger at his childhood friend.
Soushi shrugged. "Mori's not feeling well, so someone's gotta look out for him. We don't want him dead. And I don't trust any of you three not to kill him." His jab made Sora whine and Mori giggle. "You kids have fun, we're gonna go get some drinks." With that, he steered Mori away from the rollercoaster and toward a nearby concession stand.
Mori let out a long sigh of relief. "Thanks, Sou. I really owe you one."
"Why would you owe me anything?"
"Well, you saved my life back there, and frankly, I'm not sure if that's a hyperbole." He chuckled. "Please, tell me how I can make it up to you."
Soushi scratched his chin exaggeratedly for a moment. "I gotta deal for you." When Mori nodded, he continued, "You have a good day today. Relax and enjoy yourself, okay? You never give yourself a break. I'll take care of everything for you today. Don't worry about anything at all. Got it?"
"But, Sou—"
"Don't 'But, Sou' me. You heard me. That's the deal. You're gonna enjoy yourself whether you like it or not."
The cashier called for the next person in line. Soushi ordered two sodas and pulled out his wallet to retrieve the right cash.
"Sou, let me pay for that. I have to repay you somehow," Mori insisted, trying to block Soushi from paying.
Soushi fished out a bill and handed it to the cashier anyway. "You are repaying me. By relaxing and enjoying yourself. That's the deal."
"I don't see what you're getting out of that."
A soda was shoved into Mori's hands, and when he looked up, Soushi was frowning. "What I'm getting out of it is seeing you happy. Okay? No more protesting." He took a defiant swig of his soda. "Now, where d'you wanna go first?"
They found themselves in a small area of the park that was rife with cheesy carnival games. "I've always wanted to win something from one of these," Mori explained. Soushi said a silent prayer for his wallet. Every game was rigged and severely overpriced, and winning a prize was far easier said than done. It was for Mori, he reminded himself. If he had to sacrifice his life savings for the sake of a cheaply made carnival plushie, so be it. Whatever put a smile on Mori's face.
By the time Soushi had finished his soda, Mori had spent more time ogling prizes than actually trying to play any of the games, so he was rather hopeful for the fate of his wallet. Mori had his eyes set on a particular toy: a large yellow stuffed dog, which Soushi joked was a bootleg Arainu. (Mori said its face was cute, and Soushi couldn't find it in himself to disagree.) It had only been at a few stations, all of which had been too rigged to even consider winning it a possibility.
Until Mori saw the basketball minigame.
Mori cleared his throat.
"What's up?" Soushi furrowed his brow.
Mori pointed at the game.
Soushi squinted. "Have you ever played a sport in your life?"
"Sou, I know that you don't play anymore, but you said you'd take care of everything for me today, and I might be asking too much of you, but—"
"Oh, you want me to do it."
Mori nodded sheepishly.
Basketball was a part of Soushi's past—a painful part—and he didn't like talking about it much at all. He hadn't played in years. His shoulder was still in terrible shape, and it was always possible for him to reinjure it. But this was for Mori.
Soushi shrugged. "Sure, why not. I'll give it a shot." He paused. "A shot. Y'know. Like a basketball shot—"
"Yeah, I get it. Cute. Now, go win for me." Mori giggled and ruffled Soushi's hair. His bandmate, however, found himself dazed and turning redder by the second.
Cute, huh?
Maybe if I win, he'll call me cute again.
Soushi shook his head and walked over to the man working the game. Five dollars for three shots. Ten consecutive shots made would win him the plushie. That would be twenty dollars, minimum.
Mori had better be damn happy with this plushie.
Surprisingly, his form was still in top shape, and the first three shots went in easily despite the spring inside the hoop that made it harder to land baskets. The fourth nearly wobbled out, but thanks to some feat of nature, it went in. The next five were all on target. Mori cheered him on enthusiastically—maybe it was his support that was letting Soushi score so easily. He dismissed the thought quickly.
On the tenth shot, Soushi's shoulder jerked. The ball went flying to the left side of the backboard, nowhere near the basket at all. He stared at it as it spun through the air, completely off target, and somehow, he moved. His legs moved before his brain. He blinked and realized he was up in the air, hands reaching out toward the ball. Mori held his breath in the background, and everything felt silent.
Soushi caught the ball and brought it down in a dunk. His mind didn't even process what he had done until he was dangling from the rim, looking down at the ball as it bounced off to the side.
He lowered himself to the ground, locking eyes with the park worker who watched him with his mouth agape. "So, can we count that?"
After a moment, the worker nodded. Mori let out a loud, ecstatic laugh, one that both warmed Soushi's heart and set it on fire. Soushi couldn't help but grin along with him. When he retrieved the plushie, he handed it to Mori like it was a ring, and Mori laughed again. He did look like he was enjoying himself after all, Soushi thought proudly.
"So, what should I name him?" Mori asked, dipping a french fry into a container of ketchup. They sat outside a food stand, where Soushi had treated them both to a nutritious lunch of chicken fingers with fries after their success with the basketball minigame. Mori's eyes had been sparkling since that moment, and Soushi would give everything in the world to keep that look on his face forever.
"How about... Soushinu?" Soushi suggested with a wink.
"I'm not naming him after you."
"Okay, well I'll just take him back then."
Mori gasped. "You would never. "
"I won him for you," Soushi reminded, stealing a fry from Mori's plate even though he had his own. "He's technically my son."
"No, you gave him to me, and with that you gave over the status of his legal guardian."
"Actually, the contract said that we have joint custody."
"What—hey, I never agreed to this!"
"Don't fight with me, darling. Think of our son. You're tearing this family apart."
" Our son?" Mori asked, giggling. ( Darling? he thought, as he felt his cheeks heating up.)
"Yes," Soushi announced. " Our son, Soushinu."
"Soushinu is not your son, Sou."
"Aha! You called him Soushinu!" Soushi smirked and swiped another one of Mori's fries.
Mori wiped away a fake tear. "How could I do that to my son?"
After a moment of quiet, both of them burst out laughing. It was moments like this that drew them together; Soushi's witty humor and Mori's hidden sarcastic side blending into one, their jokes building on top of one another until neither could keep up the act any longer. They were both happy like this, coming together like this. Mori had felt his heartbeat racing all day, especially in these sweet moments, where despite the jokes and teasing, their feelings shone through.
Mori knew Soushi had feelings for him. He also knew that he returned them. But it was hard to act upon them. They’d gone on like this for a long time, neither one able to bring himself to say those words that would change everything for the two of them. It was just three words, but perhaps the simplicity was what made it so difficult.
After finishing their food, they stood and wandered through the park, looking for something else to entertain them until it was inevitably night, when Sora and Nozomu would finally get tired of dragging Ren on horrifying roller coasters. Mori walked on Soushi’s right. As they chatted quietly about the rides, Mori felt his hand brush up against Soushi’s before Soushi gently linked their fingers together.
Mori looked over at Soushi, his cheeks dusted pink. Soushi smiled like it was the most natural thing in the world, to take Mori’s hand, but Mori didn’t miss the blush spreading from ear to ear across Soushi’s face. “Oi, have you thought of another ride yet?” Soushi asked, glancing around him at the attractions.
“How about that one?” Panicking, Mori pointed a finger at what looked like the least threatening ride around: the spinning teacups.
Soushi chuckled. “That’s a kiddie ride, isn’t it?”
“You know how I feel about amusement park rides, Sou,” Mori embarrassedly admitted, scratching the back of his head. “I’m practically a ‘kiddie.’”
Several minutes later, they were sitting inside a teacup, their sides squished against one another despite the fact that it was only them and there was plenty of room on the round bench. They both reached to grab the spinning disc in the middle. Mori’s hand collided with Soushi’s, and he found himself blushing again as he mumbled an apology and gently placed it to the side of Soushi’s, only for Soushi to rest his hand on top of Mori’s anyway.
The ride operator booted the cups into motion. They began to spin slowly around the small track, and Soushi gently tugged the disc, twirling their cup into its own spiral. They weren’t going particularly fast. Both were aware of Mori’s nervousness when it came to high speeds, so Soushi simply pulled them around slowly. Mori’s head rested softly on Soushi’s shoulder; one hand was still beneath Soushi’s, their fingers now entwined, and the other was holding Soushinu on his left.
A warm smile grew on Mori’s lips. Their day together had begun as just fun and jokes, but now that feeling was growing in his chest again—that feeling that he never wanted to let go of Soushi, just wanted to stay with him forever. If he were to spend eternity sitting in this teacup like this, leaning on Soushi, holding his fingers in his own, he would spend eternity in true happiness.
Unfortunately, the ride only lasted a couple minutes. As the teacups slowed, Mori lifted his head and looked at Soushi, his smile brightening further as he saw the gentle expression on Soushi’s face.
Mori wanted to say it. Just then, he opened his mouth, the words forming in the back of his throat. But the operator came and opened the door to their teacup, telling them to stop being so affectionate on kiddie rides.
Mori sighed.
“Alright, let’s go, Mori,” Soushi said, and there was a softness in his voice that made Mori’s heart leap. They stood together, their hands never releasing each other. Wordlessly, they made their way to the exit and began to wander the park again.
As the sun slowly fell below the horizon, illuminating the park in pinks and oranges as it sunk, Soushi and Mori were outside a small café by the entrance. They might have been there for an hour, maybe three, nobody was counting. A small pile of empty coffee cups had accumulated on their table as they chatted; Mori, now on his fifth latte, and Soushi gently sipping cup after cup of green tea.
Their conversation seemed to never end. They said everything, Mori thought. Everything about everything. Except those three small words. Those were the only words left unsaid between them.
Amusement parks weren’t quite for them, Mori decided, watching young children and rowdy teenagers running through crowds with cotton candy and funnel cakes. Once or twice, he’d even seen their bandmates in the fray. But they were too caught up in their fun to notice Mori sitting with Soushi on the terrace of the amusement park café.
Mori hummed softly as he gazed at the crowd, and Soushi set his paper cup down. “Everything alright, Mori?”
“Yes, yes, more than alright,” Mori answered in his usual way. This time, though, he wasn’t covering up any pain or worry. He didn’t even think of those things. All that was on his mind was Soushi. “Sou, I was just thinking, I’m… very glad we wound up getting separated from the others. I’ve loved spending the day with you. So, basically, thank you for rescuing me from that roller coaster.”
Soushi laughed quietly and took another sip of his tea. “Of course, I wanted to make sure you were comfortable. And, can I tell you a secret?”
Mori’s heart flipped. “…Sure.”
Leaning in closely, making Mori’s face turn the color of the sunset sky, Soushi whispered, “I’m afraid of roller coasters, too.”
Mori raised his eyebrows. Soushi shrugged, and Mori burst out in laughter, doubling over as his body shook in delight. It wasn’t really that funny. But it was rare that Soushi admitted to a fear, and perhaps that combined with Mori’s brain malfunctioning due to Soushi’s closeness caused him to nearly fall out of his chair.
“Oi, oi, you alright, Mori?” Soushi said, a wry smile on his lips.
“Y-yes, I’m fine,” Mori managed, sitting up straight and stifling a few remaining giggles.
“Good,” Soushi chuckled. “Well, I was going to say, I’m grateful for today, too. Those three got to eat a lot of junk food without supervision, and we had a nice date, didn’t we?”
Date? Mori swallowed hard and nodded. “We did,” he replied. “I’ve had a lot of fun today.”
Soushi stood up, and Mori squinted at him. “Are we going to meet the others already?”
“No, I have one more thing I wanna do before we go,” Soushi responded. He began to pick up the empty cups and toss them in the nearby recycling bin. “Come on. Let’s go on one last ride.”
The sunset was starting to fade into black, and Mori walked beside Soushi through the crowds of people trying to grab a final round on the roller coasters before the park closed. Mori asked where they were going, but Soushi only hummed in response. He delicately took the other’s hand as he followed his lead. They took a turn toward a small, relatively empty portion of the park, soon arriving at their destination—the only ride in that area, with no line, and only a few people in the slow-moving cars.
Mori shook his head. “You know I’m afraid of heights, Sou.”
“It’s not that high,” Soushi reassured him. “And it’s very slow. And besides, you’ll have me with you.” He squeezed Mori’s hand softly, giving him a sweet smile.
Reluctantly, but feeling safe because of Soushi’s presence, Mori agreed. They nodded to the attendant and stepped into the car at the bottom. Mori’s heart was fluttering for more reasons than one when the door shut behind them, but Soushi turned to face him and placed his free hand on Mori’s shoulder, using the thumb of the other to stroke the back of Mori’s hand gently.
“You’re going to love it,” Soushi whispered.
The Ferris wheel began to turn.
Their car creaked and lifted off the ground, and as Mori gasped and looked at his friend with wide eyes, Soushi wrapped him in a protective hug, still holding his hand tightly. Mori’s hands found a place to rest around Soushi’s waist. “We’re moving,” Mori said in a shaky breath.
Soushi began to rub slow circles on his back. “It’s okay,” he said. “See? You’re okay. Don’t worry.”
“Yeah… I’m okay because you’re here, Sou,” Mori replied almost inaudibly. Soushi laughed quietly, and he rested his chin on Mori’s shoulder. A wave of sudden warmth filled Mori’s body despite the chill from the wind. They stayed there for a while, Mori closing his eyes so that he didn’t have to see how far above the ground they were as the Ferris wheel pulled them higher and higher up.
“Look at the view, Mori,” Soushi suddenly said, releasing their embrace. He walked toward the edge of the car with a pensive expression. Hesitantly, Mori followed him.
They were very, very high. It must have been several stories high. Mori squeezed Soushi’s hand as he forced himself to look over the edge, seeing the crowds beginning to pour out toward the gates, the roller coasters flashing with their neon lights in the dark, excited screams and the scent of fried dough filling the air. Despite their altitude, it was a somewhat calming view from so high above.
“It’s beautiful,” Mori whispered, not taking his gaze off of a free-fall ride that was about to drop.
“Funny thing,” Soushi murmured. Mori turned to him, to see that his gaze wasn’t focused on the view at all. It never had been. His eyes instead examined every curve of Mori’s face, how his hair shone in the moonlight from above and the bright lights from below. They scanned his own reflection in the shorter man’s glasses, but glossed over that to look at the pale green of his eyes.
Mori gulped. “W-what is it?”
“Well, there’s this beautiful view—this… panorama —beneath us, all around us,” Soushi explained, a hand reaching over to run through Mori’s hair, carefully sweeping his bangs out of his eyes. “But the only thing I can see is you.”
Mori froze, completely at a loss for words. He stuttered a little, trying to say something in response, but any words he might have imagined were caught at the back of his throat.
After taking a deep breath, Soushi continued. “Mori, today was more than just two friends at an amusement park. We both know that. Ever since we met in high school, we’ve gotten closer like this, we’ve started relying on each other and and touching each other and looking at each other like this, but whatever we feel, it’s been unspoken. I know the feelings in my heart, and I know the ones in yours. They’ve been sleeping. It’s time to wake them up.”
It took a moment for Mori to process these words, but he managed to blurt something out this time. “Sou, what do you—” Mori began, but his flustered question was cut off abruptly by Soushi taking Mori’s chin in his hand and gently stroking his bottom lip with his thumb, slowly, like he was lost in thought, thought about Mori, his heart and mind filled only with images of Mori as he touched the soft skin. Mori had completely forgotten what he was going to ask in the first place.
“You’re more beautiful than any panorama,” Soushi said, his voice less than a whisper, almost too quietly for Mori to hear over the wind billowing at them as they rose higher and higher. Before Mori could object, Soushi moved his thumb and softly, delicately, pressed his lips against Mori’s, with more of a breath than a proper kiss. Their eyes had both fluttered shut, and as Soushi pulled away, Mori looked up at him. His eyes were still half-lidded, like he shyly wanted another kiss. Mori wanted to indulge him.
He released Soushi’s hand and tangled his long fingers in Soushi’s messy brown locks—probably the boldest thing he had ever done or would ever do, he decided. “Don’t be afraid,” he said with a wavering voice. “Don’t be afraid, because you have me here with you.” He noticed that the Ferris wheel was at its very peak. They were unbelievably high off the ground. But he had nothing to lose.
So with that, he pulled Soushi closer and gave him a proper kiss this time, the kiss that they both wanted but that Soushi was too shy to give. Their lips locked slowly yet passionately, and as Soushi stroked Mori’s chin and parted his lips, Mori let out a contented sigh, giving Soushi further access past his lips. As their car began to descend, Mori pulled back reluctantly. They were on their way down, and there were still words that hadn’t been said between them, even though the feelings delivered in their kiss really said it all. Mori wanted to hear those words.
They stood there in a gentle embrace, Mori’s hands in Soushi’s hair, Soushi releasing Mori’s chin and resting his hand on Mori’s chest, fiddling with the hem of his cardigan. Mori swallowed hard. He had to do this now, before their ride ended and they were pulled out of this space that was just for the two of them, above the world, far away from everything else but each other. He met Soushi’s eyes, his mouth slightly open as he breathed heavily, his heart threatening to break out of his chest. In Soushi’s gentle gaze, he found the courage and spoke.
“I love you, Soushi.”
Soushi pulled Mori closer, close enough that the tips of their noses were touching and Soushi’s breaths were nearly fogging up Mori’s glasses. “I love you more than you can imagine,” Soushi replied, his words reverberating in Mori’s brain as if they were a hallucination. Their voices and hearts had finally come together, and their feelings were wide awake.
They simply held each other like that, exchanging tiny kisses, for the rest of the ride. When the car stopped at the bottom, they hesitantly walked out. It felt like several minutes ago, before they boarded the Ferris wheel, they had been in a completely different world. Mori could see more clearly now, and the warmth in his heart illuminated everything around him even more than the neon signs and flashing lights. He took Soushi’s hand in his own confidently as they got off the ride and entered their new reality, the one where their feelings were real, defined, not just in a dream. But even though this was the reality, it still felt like a dream now.
Sora, Nozomu, and Ren were waiting for them outside of the ride, and Mori was almost tempted to steal Soushi away and never go back to them. He wished that this night would never end, just the two of them together above the panorama of the world. He lamented this to Soushi, pulling him to the side for a deep kiss before they rejoined the others.
“Would it be okay if we just stayed here and never left?” Mori asked, knowing the answer.
Soushi chuckled. “I feel the same. But we can have time together when we get back to the dorms, too, okay? Let’s just take those idiots home first.”
They reluctantly walked off the platform of the Ferris wheel and toward their bandmates, who waited for them enthusiastically.
“Oiii, Sou! Mori! How’d your day go?” Sora cried, taking their clasped hands and gentle embrace as an invitation for a group hug, which it was not. The other two waved from a couple feet away. Ren looked somewhat pale after all the roller coasters he’d been forced to go on, and Mori promised he’d apologize for leaving him with Sora and Nozomu later.
After swatting Sora away, Soushi rolled his eyes. “It was good. We had a fun day. Right, Mori? Our deal was that you’d relax and enjoy yourself, yeah?”
Mori squeezed Soushi’s hand tightly, and he placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, causing Soushi’s face to turn pink. “I did. I enjoyed myself more than ever.” Soushi smiled and ruffled Mori’s hair, kissing his hairline softly. Nozomu gagged.
“Ewww, stop being gross!” he called, even though his arm was around Ren, and Ren was wearing Nozomu’s jacket.
“Shut up and let’s go,” Soushi muttered, pulling Mori along and leading the way for the group.
The drive back to the dorms felt like it lasted ages, Mori thought as his left hand turned the wheel and his right hand clasped Soushi’s on the console. Their bandmates were arguing in the back, something about which roller coaster was the scariest. Sora was decked out in a souvenir tee shirt and hat, and he was throwing candies at Nozomu. Nozomu stuck his tongue out at Sora. Poor Ren, jammed into the middle seat, was exhausted and trying to fall asleep to no avail.
When they finally arrived, everyone went off to their separate rooms to get a good night’s sleep, but Mori lingered with Soushi. They stood together outside of Mori’s room, exchanging a few kisses to prolong the time before they had to separate.
“Okay, I really need to go to sleep now,” Mori said. He pulled himself out of Soushi’s embrace and reached for the handle of his door, only for Soushi to hug him from behind again, refusing to go even a second without contact.
“Sou, what are you doing?”
“Do you want to stay together tonight?” Soushi asked in a whisper, making Mori shudder.
Mori cleared his throat. “Y-you mean—”
“Oh, no, no, god no,” Soushi clarified. “I just want to hold you… if that’s okay.”
“Of course it is,” Mori replied, opening the door and shutting it behind the both of them. Laughing quietly, Mori placed Soushinu next to his desk, giving the plushie a little kiss, too. Mori changed into pajamas and Soushi stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, and they climbed into Mori’s bed together.
Mori instinctively curled up against Soushi, resting his head on Soushi’s muscular chest, and Soushi wrapped Mori up in his arms before immediately dozing off. Mori felt just as tired, but he forced himself to stay awake for a moment.
He looked at Soushi’s sleeping face, and if it weren’t for their time on the Ferris wheel, Mori would have said that he’d never seen Soushi looking more peaceful. He was beautiful. Mori had always known that. But now, he was Mori’s , too.
A surge of love filled Mori’s veins, and he couldn’t help but to smile down at the sleeping man, whose soft snores were more comforting than loud or obnoxious. Comforting, just like everything else about him.
Mori gently kissed Soushi’s chest before turning his head over and closing his eyes. But before he fell asleep, he parted his lips to say one more thing.
“Good night.”