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Redeem himself.
He'd never thought he'd need to one day, not when he was younger. He'd never intended to make mistakes so severe there'd be a need.
He'd always wanted to be a good person, to grow up and do right.
But nobody can choose their path, even though people think they can. The future is not something you decide.
And mistakes happen. A small lie leads to a big mistrust, which leads to people getting hurt, in more ways than one.
People in pain, suffering, eventually dying.
All because of him.
All because he made one small mistake, and then let it get out of control.
He could've fixed it.
He could've prevented this all.
If only he'd done right from the start, none of this would've happened.
If only he'd known better then.
But he didn't. He couldn't know.
He should've, but he couldn't.
Nothing would've ever prepared him for what happened, and god, he thought he was doing right, even when he made mistakes.
He didn't know better, but he tried.
But in the end, it didn't matter. Because the whole situation had spiraled out of his control so many years ago, and he'd always thought he could fix it, but he was wrong.
He'd never asked for help because he'd thought he'd be alright.
But his fight had been lost before it had begun, and now all that's left behind are mistrust, pain and a steadily growing puddle of blood.
And he knows that he needs to redeem himself.
But he never will.
He's made so many mistakes, done so much wrong, and he'll never get a chance to make them right again.
He won't even be able to apologize at all.
Because the blood on the floor is his own, and so is the death he knows he's caused himself.
He's the one who allowed all this to happen.
Though he didn't pull the trigger, there is nobody to blame but himself.
And he'd like to at least think it doesn't matter anymore, because he'll be gone anyway, but that's a lie.
It does matter.
It will always matter.
Now, nobody will even truly understand why he did what he did, and he'll die a liar, a deceiver whose loyalties were never truly at one place.
Maybe one day they'll understand, maybe they will not.
He'll never know.
He'll never tell them he's sorry.
But sorry wouldn't change anything anyway, it's too late for that.
He can't make things right anymore.
It's nobody's fault but his own.
Yet he hopes that with him gone, at least everyone else can find redemption somehow.
Maybe if all his life he was wrong, at least his death will make a difference.