Work Text:
I think I just saw you through your window. Are you moving?
If you looked outside now, you might see me.
I think I want you to, I want you to look at me.
But I hope you don't.
How would I react, anyway?
I don't know.
I know nothing anymore.
All my thoughts are a jumbled mess, I can't grasp any of them, nothing is clear anymore.
I... want to see you.
But I can't.
You hate me anyway, don't you?
Of course, how could you not hate me. I've done nothing but torment you.
And yet, I wish I were in your room now.
God, it's like I'm Ray. I hate this. I hate being weak, but-
Am I really strong?
My savior told me I was, and I believed her, but all I can remember is pain.
My whole life... there's been nothing but pain and suffering.
Except...
There's you.
You never hurt me.
You promised Ray you wouldn't abandon him, and... you weren't lying, were you?
How stupid of you.
To stay with someone like him.
And even now that he's gone, you willingly stay.
Why are you staying with me?
Do you enjoy being tormented?
You're so strange.
You... you did this to me.
Now that I've met you, I'm almost starting to think I could survive out there.
That you and I could run away.
Start over.
But could I really?
I don't feel like I deserve to start again.
I've never deserved anything good.
And anyone I've ever met has only hurt me.
So why are you different?
Are you really just stupid?
Or... is there something you saw in me...
No.
I shouldn't be thinking this way.
They're weak thoughts.
...right?
I hate this...
Nothing makes sense.
I don't even know what's real anymore.
If only I'd never been born...
Savior made me strong so I could live, but is it really worth it?
Is this what life should be like?
If so, perhaps I'd be better off dead.
No one would miss me.
I'd never hurt you.
And I'd never again be hurt.
But you...
I can't help but think you might be sad.
Would you cry, if I were gone?
You shouldn't. I'm not worth your tears.
Still, I-
If I left now, they'd throw you out.
I'm the one who brought you here. And you don't deserve this kind of end.
Even if you hate me, I can't leave you in there.
Not like this.
I'd really be worth less than dirt if I just left you to die.
I'm...
I'm sorry.
Even if it's too late for that now.
I'm sorry that you couldn't stay with Ray.
None of this would've ever happened if it hadn't been for me.
I don't deserve it, but, please forgive me.
I should've never been born in the first place.
I'm sorry for ever daring to breathe.
...
I'm going to make this right.
For you.