Chapter Text
It’s one of the warmest days of summer in a while, so Liam is unusually heated up as he drops down next to Harry on the bench. They’re having football practice and decided to take a break, watching the other kids run around on the field.
“It’s so hot today. I didn’t even have to start running to break out in sweat,” Liam complains and sighs. Harry hasn’t even looked at him yet but is focusing on the other players on the grass instead. Liam runs his arm over his forehead to dry his face. It doesn’t really change anything but it helps make his point. “Haz?”
Harry turns around. “What? Sorry, I was watching-“
“Niall. I know.” Liam grins at Harry, who only rolls his eyes and turns back around. His curls are moving slightly in the soft wind and Liam can’t help but smile. He has no particular reason to be happy; he’s simply enjoying being here with his friend, the sun shining in his face and working up a little bit of a sweat.
“What do you think he’s like?” Harry asks suddenly and looks at Liam again. “Niall, I mean.”
“What do you mean? He’s on our team. We go to school with him. You know what he’s like.”
Harry rolls his eyes. “I mean personally. We don’t really know him, do we?”
“Well, he doesn’t seem like the quiet kind,” Liam says and raises his eyebrows.
“But neither obnoxiously loud. Like Louis.”
Liam laughs. Louis was in fact obnoxiously loud. Whenever he would pull one of his pranks you could hear his laugh from a distance. Actually, you could hear him laugh all the time generally. Even now, running over the field and chasing after the ball, Louis lets out a few short giggles.
“Why don’t you just go strike up a conversation with him?” Liam finally says to Harry and slaps him on the shoulder. “We’re boys, we can talk to each other.”
Harry shrugs. “What am I gonna talk to him about? Hey, what’s your favorite food? Maybe I can cook it for you.”
“Wow,” Liam laughs. “You’re going all in.” Harry just shifts uncomfortably and sighs. The poor guy really seems to be invested. “Is this your way of telling me you have a crush on him?”
Harry does not turn around and keeps staring into space. “I can trust you, right?”
Liam puts his arm around Harry and pulls him a bit closer. They have been best mates for years and trusted it each other with pretty much anything. It’s a good sign that Harry feels comfortable enough to share this with Liam. “Obviously. And thank you. I promise I won’t make fun of you for crushing on Niall Horan.”
“Stop saying his name like that,” Harry complains. “I immediately regret my decision to share this with you.” He winds himself out of Liam’s embrace, trying not to laugh as Liam holds him tight. “Stop it, you’re strangling me.” He eventually gets out of Liam’s grip and stands up. Liam looks up at him, a hand over his eyes to shield them from sunlight.
“You have no right to make fun of me at any point. Unlike you, I don’t keep my feelings to myself but I share them with my best mate,” Harry says and it’s part joke, part seriousness. Liam knows that Harry is right. He doesn’t like talking about his feelings, mostly because he never knows what he’s feeling himself. Harry is still looking at him and Liam rolls his eyes.
“I won’t make fun of you. Niall seems like a good bloke. I like the idea that you fancy boys now,” Liam says eventually.
“Is that so? Well I’m into blonds, sorry Liam,” Harry laughs and reaches out his hand. “Come on, let’s change so we can get out of here.”
Liam looks at him for a second and then he says: “Let me help you with Niall.”
Harry is still reaching out for Liam, thinking about what he was just offered.
“What? Why would-…. Uh, fine.”
Liam grins and finally lets Harry pull him up. Without revealing more of his plan, Liam puts his arm around Harry and the two of them walk back towards the locker rooms.
Twenty minutes later Liam is freshly showered and changed, stuffing his uniform into his backpack. He’s a bit disappointed; he was secretly hoping he would catch Harry checking out the other boys, but nothing happened. But then again, Harry has probably been at least curious for a while now, so why should today’s training be any different? Liam shakes his head unconsciously at himself. Sometimes he was surprised how dense he could be.
“Oi!” he hears somebody say next to him as he’s being shoved to the side. Louis has walked in from the showers, squeezing himself in between Liam and somebody else. “What do you have in there? Stuffing it away so hastily…” Louis teases and gives him a devious grin.
“Shut up,” Liam says and couldn’t sound more annoyed if he tried. Louis was constantly teasing everyone on the team, thinking he’s something like the court jester of the school. Sometimes he was funny, but mostly he was not, Liam reckons.
“Jockstrap?” Louis continues, wiggling his eyebrows. This is one of the times where he is not funny. He is also wearing nothing but a towel around his hips, ready to change into his jeans, Liam notices.
“Must’ve grabbed yours, Tommo!” Liam leans back and sees Niall on the other side of the room. Apparently he’s heard the little conversation and gave the comeback Liam wishes he had thought of. He instantly turns to Harry. They exchange looks for a second, then Harry breaks away and grabs his stuff.
Liam doesn’t hear Louis’ reply, as his focus has shifted to Niall. He quickly turns around, gets a glimpse of Louis’ remarkable butt (whoa, when did that happen?) and decides now was the time to approach Niall.
After having randomly seen (and noticed!) a nicely shaped butt, Liam’s brains are a little bit scrambled when he finally gets to Niall. “Niall…..er.”
He can feel Harry cringe behind him but he thinks maybe he can make awkwardness his thing.
“Weird,” Niall says and continues to change. Liam is standing there feeling like an idiot, apparently not making awkwardness his thing.
“It’s my birthday. This weekend. And I’m having a party.”
“I know,” Niall laughs. “I’m invited. Remember? You invited the whole team.” He pulls his shirt over his head and smiles at Liam.
Liam knows that but the line was simply supposed to open up the conversation. “Right. And you play the guitar. And I have music.” He pauses awkwardly and then adds: “At my party.”
At this point Liam feels very discouraged, as the words coming out of his mouth make no sense and it seems like he’s listing random facts to Niall. Coherence, Payne!
“So, I need your help,” he concludes, trying to tie the loose ends of his crappy advance together. “Cause you know how to set things up. And I need help. So can you help me?”
“I don’t think anyone can,” Louis shouts from somewhere and Liam rolls his eyes.
He’s a little relieved that he managed to make this excuse sound somewhat believable. Obviously he only wants Niall there because Harry is going to be there to help as well. Liam is absolutely capable of turning on a stereo himself but apparently he’s such a good person that he embarrasses himself in front of the team to win his best mate a date.
“You got it,” Niall says and genuinely smiles at Liam. “I’ll be there early but you owe me some beers!”
Liam laughs. “Alright, thanks mate.”
He turns around waving goodbye and walks past Harry, who is anxiously waiting by the door.
“Niall’s super good with plugging things in!” he hears Louis yell after them, breaking out in laughter.
When they step outside Liam doesn’t say a word; but neither does Harry and that’s how he knows that he’s secretly glad.
“You’re welcome, Haz.”
For his birthday Liam has rented out a boathouse by the water. It’s not excessively big – it’s not a wedding or anything but his birthday after all – but it fits quite a bunch of his friends and allows for a dance floor and a buffet. And what else do you really need at a party? If it was up to Liam, he would be serving a bit of alcohol for his friends and eat his way through the party, but Harry and his family insisted that he throw a big party. So he does.
On Friday afternoon Liam, his parents, his sister Ruth and Harry are there to prepare everything. Liam’s mum has spent the last hour dedicated to the plates of snacks she’d prepared and setting up the bar; his dad is moving around benches somewhere outside.
“Looks good,” Harry comments as he comes inside, carrying a box. Liam is sitting on the bar with his phone in hand. He notices Ruth decorating the whole place with balloons and shouts at her.
“I’m not turning 12, you know?” She only rolls her eyes and continues her work.
“Nobody’s gonna think that. I saw your mum and dad bring in quite the amount of liquor. I have to say, I am surprised. What ever happened?” Harry says.
Liam is about to answer when Harry opens up the box he was carrying and they both find countless of stacked plastic cups inside. Even the tiny ones for shots.
“I… don’t know,” Liam laughs. He’s not the biggest drinker in the world but he knows his friends are. And his parents apparently know, too.
“You can thank me for that, you know?” Ruth says as she walks over and points at the box. “At my 19 birthday party everyone was allowed a total of one beer.”
“The perks of being the baby of the family”, Liam says and laughs. “Thanks for helping anyway.”
Ruth sighs and walks outside with her balloons.
“Speaking of help…” Harry begins and raises his eyebrows. Liam looks at him unfazed. “Really? You’re gonna make me say it?”
Liam shrugs, pretending he doesn’t know what Harry is talking about.
“Where’s Niall?” Harry asks and Liam has to force himself not to laugh at the hopeful glare in his eyes.
Niall hasn’t showed up yet and a bunch of speakers, cables and other electronic stuff are lying around in the boathouse.
“I don’t know. I was just about to call him but I didn’t wanna be annoying,” Liam finally says, holding up his phone. He’s really hoping that Niall shows up. Not for his sake but for Harry’s. Before Harry can throw a tantrum and unleash his desperation, Niall thankfully walks in.
“Hi!” He waves and puts on his big, goofy signature grin.
“Hey, glad you could make it.”
“Sorry I’m a bit late. Wasn’t my fault, really,” Niall says, pointing behind him. Liam and Harry don’t see anything and look at each other, wondering if Niall’s move was some sort of code. Then Louis walks in.
“Oi, how are my favorite lads?”
Liam can’t roll his eyes even closely enough as he wants to, so he jumps down from the bar and walks towards Niall and Louis instead. He didn’t want Niall’s help in the first place but he did it for Harry. Louis’ help is even less welcome. It’s not that he’s trying to antagonize Louis; he invited him to his party after all. And he doesn’t know enough about him to dislike him. But sometimes Louis just comes on too strong and too loudly.
“You’re here to help?” Liam asks, raising a brow. Louis has that smirk on his face that he seems to have 90% of the time and nods.
“At your service, Payno,” Louis responds and salutes. If the tables were turned, Louis would make a point and demand something stupid from Liam, probably something sexual. But Liam doesn’t and simply points outside.
“You can go help my dad with the benches outside.”
“It’s gonna be a perfect summer night. Can’t wait to drink some beers and sit under the sky when it’s dark later!” Niall says and gets a weird look from Louis. Quite the romantic, apparently. Louis scoffs and marches outside.
“You guys try and figure out the sound system, ok?” Liam says, looking at Harry and Niall. Harry doesn’t respond and seems paralyzed; Niall happily nods and walks away. Liam elbows Harry to make him move and sighs. This is going to be a rough party by the looks of it.
Once Harry manages to breathe properly, Liam dares to go outside and check on Louis. He has no doubt that his dad can keep Louis from making any trouble but he doesn’t want to be third-wheeling with Harry and Niall. So instead he goes to hang out with Louis, again sacrificing himself for true love. He should make a list of favors to call in at Harry and Niall’s wedding.
Keeping his mouth surprisingly shut, Louis helps Geoff to move benches and tables around and set up a bonfire. The sun is setting quickly and once it’s dark the guest will arrive. Liam has three minor panic attacks until his parents finally say goodbye and drive back home with Ruth. Niall and Harry are clearly getting on well, as it is taking them a good hour to set up the music, which is a suspiciously long time in Liam’s opinion.
It’s not quite dark yet and it’s still incredibly warm. Liam has walked up the little path to the road and is sitting on the curb, waiting for his friends. The whole preparation phase didn’t take as long as anticipated and nobody likes to come to a party early. He stares into the woods that surround him and contemplates his last day as an 18-year-old.
Suddenly Louis walks up from behind and sits down next to him. “Want a beer?” He offers one of the bottles he brought to Liam and smiles.
“Sure,” he says. Why not ruin his kidney before the party even started. Better than turning down Louis’ genuine offer. Who knows when the next one’s gonna be.
“It was fun helping you out. If you need someone tomorrow, Niall and me can help you clean up. I’m good with that. Hangover proof,” Louis says and smiles brightly. Okay, the next genuine offer after that one.
“You don’t have to, it’s fine. Just enjoy the party. And thanks for today.”
“No problem. Always good to have an extra set of hands around.”
Without even looking, Liam knows that Louis is wiggling his eyebrows again. Damn him.
“So, Niall and Harry, huh?” Louis says and takes a big gulp out of his bottle.
“Yeah,” Liam takes a gulp as well. This goes down way too easy. “Who knew?”
“I did.”
“You did?” Liam looks at Louis confused and Louis flicks him on his forehead. “Ouch.”
“Of course. I’m into blokes, too. It’s like my fifth sense or something,” Louis casually remarks and Liam almost spits out his beer.
“You mean your sixth sense.” Glancing over Louis’ random coming out might be the best approach here.
“It’s not like I see dead people.”
Liam sighs. Hopeless.
“You didn’t know?” Louis asks, looking at Liam curiously. “How do you think I know what a jockstrap is?”
Liam shrugs and takes another sip. This whole conversation is not working in any of his favors.
“Wait. How do you know what a jockstrap is?” Louis asks and starts to grin. Liam just shakes his head. He has to admit, Louis is very witty and funny but mostly just too quick for Liam to keep up. Louis’ the kind of guy that has catchphrases and always knows the right thing to say. Liam is the kind of guy that knows how to listen, crack a well thought-out joke here and there and answer the questions he’s asked.
“When’s your birthday?” Liam asks eventually. He feels bad that Louis has been striking up the conversations so far and doesn’t want to seem like a moody old man. “Just out of curiosity.”
“December 24th,” Louis answers. “You all wanted me for Christmas, so…” Liam looks confused, so Louis adds: “All I want for Christmas is … Louis.”
Liam laughs as soon as he recognizes the song reference. That was actually kind of cute. Wait. Cute? That’s not good.
“Come on, let’s go back inside. Your guests should be here soon. Time to break up the lovebirds, light up the lanterns and blast the music,” Louis says and they both get up.
The party ends up being a huge success. As soon as it’s dark, crowds of people find their way down to the boathouse. A lot of them are inside, dancing and drinking to incredibly loud music. The bigger part however is outside, sitting around the bonfire or just scattered around the premises. People are talking loudly, laughing, drinking and singing.
“Seems like it’s going really well, huh?” Harry says and slings his arm around Liam. He’s clearly drunk but Liam’s had a couple of beers too, so he doesn’t mind. They’re outside and Liam has just finished chatting to a few of his classmates. They’re both watching as the flames of the fire dance quickly.
“Yeah,” he says happily. “It actually is.”
Harry smiles at him and Liam smiles back. It really is a nice party and Liam’s having a lot of fun. It’s probably the alcohol that’s letting him forget his occasional social weirdness, but he’s had a great night so far. All of his friends are here, everyone’s in a good mood and there’s enough food, drinks and music to ensure some more fun hours.
“How’s it going with Niall?”
Harry smiles even brighter. “Pretty well, I think. We hit it right off and talked a lot. Thanks for having him come early by the way.”
“Anything for you my friend,” Liam says and chugs his beer. “Glad you’re chatting now. He’s nice.”
“Yeah, he is. I’m drunk but I can’t get so drunk that I make a move on him tonight, ok? Promise me that?”
Liam laughs and nods. “Don’t want you to screw up my hard work with a quick shag!”
Harry punches him in the shoulder and they both laugh. Then, Liam pulls Harry a little closer into his arms.
“I’m glad you told me, Haz.” He runs his hand through Harry’s curls. “I really am.”
“Stop being so bloody sentimental,” Harry says but he doesn’t pull back either. They stand like this for a while, just enjoying the fire, the starry sky and the warm summer night.
Eventually, Liam excuses himself to go use the restrooms and Harry drunkenly finds himself in a circle of his classmates. When he gets to the cabin, the door is locked. Impatiently he walks away to relieve himself in the woods. Might just as well.
It gets darker the further he moves away from the boathouse but there’s enough light for him to see where he’s walking. Once he’s done, he walks back to return to the party when he notices something down by the water. Suspiciously he moves through the words downhill until he reaches lakefront. There’s a small area of sand between the trees and the actual water. It’s Louis that’s standing there, looking over the quiet lake.
“Louis?” Liam calls out quietly, trying not to scare his friend.
Louis turns around and nods. Liam slowly walks to him and stands next to him. It’s a beautiful view.
The sky is full of stars and the moon is shining so bright that they can see all the way to the other side of the lake. The music from the party is humming over, just like occasional screams of laughter. It’s a little bit more chilly here than by the boathouse but by no means cold. It’s a perfect summer night.
Liam watches Louis out of the corner of his eye. No need to stare at him, after all. Louis is focused on something in the distance or probably just enjoying the view. Liam can’t see much of his face from this angle, only his dark profile against the areas that are bright from the moonlight. Louis’ a bit shorter than Liam but it’s almost unnoticeable on the bumpy ground they’re standing on. Liam wants to say something but he doesn’t know what. It’s odd to ask what Louis is doing here since he clearly came here to be alone for a while. Maybe he went to go pee for himself and then noticed the breathtaking view? Or maybe he just thought the party was too loud and wanted to escape for a moment?
But that doesn’t make sense. Louis usually is the party.
Before Liam can get lost further in his thoughts, he feels something soft against his hands. He doesn’t dare to look down because he doesn’t want to ruin the silence, but after a second he realizes it’s Louis’ hand trying to grab his. Their fingers lock with no resistance and Liam’s heartbeat increases instantly. He doesn’t have a good explanation as to why he’s letting this happen but since they’ve been quiet for a while it seems oddly uncalled for to break the silence with abrupt movements or a comment. So he just stands there, letting Louis hold his hand and holding Louis’. And it’s actually not that bad.
He suddenly becomes awfully aware of his own breathing, of every muscle in his body. He doesn’t dare to move but he feels nervous. Whether it’s a good or bad kind, he doesn’t know. But he’s nervous.
Louis is still facing the water and Liam doesn’t dare to look anywhere else either.
After what feels like minutes but probably was only a few seconds, Liam finally relaxes and breathes out. He’s getting used to Louis’ body warmth and the intimacy of this small contact starts to feel really, really good.
When Louis finally turns around, Liam sees his eyes glow in the moonlight. He also notices how incredibly drunk Louis must be apparently.
“You should go,” Louis whispers, not breaking the eye contact. “It’s your party.”
Liam stands there for a few more seconds, then he let’s go of Louis’ hand. “Yeah.”
He doesn’t manage to say more but he parts his lips as if he might. He feels like his heart is going to jump right out of his body any moment and yet somehow manages to slowly walk away, back towards the boathouse. When he turns around, Louis is facing the water again.
Once it strikes midnight, Liam disappears in the crowd for a good 15 minutes because everybody wants to wrap their arms around him and wish him a happy birthday. There’s a lot of singing and even more obligatory shots with everyone. Some of his friends even push some gifts into his hands, which he promises to open the next day. His mind is spinning and he’s completely overwhelmed by all the attention.
Niall comes to his rescue and pulls him aside eventually. “You okay mate?”
Liam nods. “Yeah. It’s just a lot!” He laughs nervously but he’s happy that he has a little more space to breathe now.
“Enjoy being in the spotlight while it lasts, it’s nice every once in a while, isn’t it?” Niall says and ruffles Liam’s hair. “Have you seen Louis by any chance?”
Liam shakes his head. The last time he saw Louis was by the lake over an hour ago. He is probably the one person at the whole party who didn’t come forward to congratulate him and squash him. "No. I haven’t seen him in quiet a while actually.”
“Don’t worry. He was so wasted the last time I saw him. I’m sure he just couldn’t handle it anymore,” Niall says, but it doesn’t console Liam in the least.
“You think he passed out somewhere? In the woods?”
“Nah,” Niall shakes his head and starts texting on his phone. “I’ll message him. Happy birthday!”
Liam nods halfheartedly and watches Niall go back to the crowd. Liam hasn’t thought about Liam for the last hour but now he’s worried. He doesn’t want anyone disappearing from his party, not even Louis. Most certainly not right after they were holding hands. It has to be a coincidence.
When Niall finally comes up to him and informs him that Louis has taken a cab back home and said ‘happy birthday’, Liam isn’t relieved. It’s good to know that Louis is safe, but the fact that he’s left the party before the actual birthday can’t be a good sign.
“I feel like Niall just added the ‘happy birthday’,” he complains to Harry immediately after. A lot of the guests have said their goodbyes and gone home at this point, but some of Liam’s friends are still here.
He and Harry are sitting outside on one of the benches, sharing a cigarette.
“Why are you obsessing over Louis?” Harry asks understandably and blows some smoke in the air. “It sucks that he left but what can you do? He’s always been a bit of a prick.”
He’s not off with his assessment. Still, there is more to this.
“He held my hand tonight. Out by the lake,” Liam calmly informs his friend. Harry widens his eyes and starts grinning. “I’m not kidding.”
“That is fantastic news. Did you punch him and that’s why he left?”
Liam frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It was a joke,” Harry laughs and pinches Liam in the side. “But seriously, what happened? I don’t see you being overly confident with another bloke holding your hand, Liam.”
“I don’t know,” Liam shrugs. “It felt ok in the moment, I guess.”
“You guess?”
Harry laughs again and almost falls of the bench. He’s clearly enjoying this whole thing much more than Liam is and doesn’t seem to be the worried in the least.
“It was just for a few seconds. Then I came back here and Louis… Apparently he never came back.”
“It looks to me like you’ve done nothing wrong. Nothing to scare him away at least. He was probably overwhelmed, drunk and got a bit scared,” Harry says and takes the cigarette back from Liam. “I would collapse if a certain blond grabbed my hand.”
“Yeah, you’d leave my party too and I’d be spending my birthday in the hospital trying to reanimate you,” Liam laughs and slaps his friend on the back. To be fair, Harry has behaved himself all night so far and didn’t act inappropriately towards Niall.
“Just enjoy the rest of the party and tomorrow we’ll find out what happened,” Harry says eventually. Liam finishes the cigarette and sighs. There is not much to do at this point anyway so he might just as well follow Harry’s advice.
Louis doesn’t show up the next day as he offered. Not that Liam actually thought he would after he had left the party early. So he cleaned up the place with his family, Harry and Niall. The two of them were still drunk the next morning but at least not hungover yet.
It was a drag but the party was worth it. When Liam finally collapses onto his bed at home he feels exhausted. He didn’t get much sleep last night and the amount of alcohol he’d been drinking is taking its toll now. At the same time he’s feeling very happy, it’s been a great night after all.
When his mum suddenly calls him and knocks on his door he realizes he must have dozed off for a while. Sleepy he crawls off of his bed and opens the door.
“Yeah?”
“Sorry to wake you but your friend’s here, darling,” she says and points downstairs. Family members have dropped by all morning and Liam isn’t expecting any more guests. Weirdly enough he’s hoping that somehow Louis was the mysterious friend waiting and not Niall, telling him something terrible had happened to Louis last night or Harry, only here to make his hangover birthday worse.
Liam goes downstairs, not really knowing what to expect now. His mum disappeared somewhere again, so at least he has some privacy. At least as much privacy as you can have in a doorstep.
“Louis!” He exclaims and instantly wonders about the relief and happiness in his voice. Spending so much time with Louis in the last 24 hours definitely screwed with his mind, he thought. That is as often as he usually sees Louis in a whole month.
“Hey, um, can I come in?” Louis asks and Liam gladly steps aside so he can walk inside. He leads them into his bedroom and closes the door behind them.
“You can sit on my bed if you want,” he offers and Louis nervously sits down. Clearly he isn’t here to make jokes and unless this is a prank of some sort he seems awfully composed. “What brings you here?”
Louis sighs and looks at his feet. In his usual fashion he has the legs of his pants rolled up so his ankles are showing. “I just wanted to apologize for leaving yesterday. It was… stupid. And I’m sorry I didn’t stay until after midnight.”
“Oh, that’s ok,” Liam says but it doesn’t sound as carefree as he wants it to. “You don’t owe me anything.” And if he thinks about it, that’s true. Him and Louis have been friends but they haven’t been particularly close. If Harry had left his party it would have been a big deal. But Louis is just another regular friend. Him leaving shouldn’t affect Liam as much as it does. And it shouldn’t affect Louis either, he thinks.
Louis looks up at Liam and he almost seems sad. “Happy birthday.”
Liam smiles a little bit. He can’t help it; Louis just said it so cute. Cute. There it was again. Why does he all of a sudden always think Louis is cute?
“Thanks.”
“I’m sorry if that took away from your party,” Louis then says and quickly shakes his head. “Even though you probably didn’t even notice I left.”
What was going on here?
“What?” Liam says and frowns. “I noticed. I mean... I was just worried that you were lost in the woods. Apparently you left after I saw you there. But once Niall told me you were home safe…”
Louis nods. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I went to the lake to sober up a bit and it was just a nice moment, I don’t know. I just needed to pass out at that point. Again, I’m sorry I missed midnight.”
“Really, it’s fine. I understand. You were there in the beginning. I saw you. That’s all that matters. And honestly, I don’t like big crowds that much so you actually did me a favor by not hogging me,” Liam explains and sits down next to Louis. “I mean, it was nice with you-“
He abruptly stops as soon as he realizes where this sentence is going. He doesn’t necessarily want to reference their handholding but it just slipped out and he truly does think that is a nicer way of saying ‘happy birthday’ than drunkenly jumping on him. Which Louis would have, had he been there at midnight.
Louis shifts around a little and the awkwardness in the room is noticeable. “Yeah, about that… I’m sorry, too.”
“Just stop,” Liam says and turns to Louis. He’s never seen Louis so distressed. “Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
For a while they just look at each other.
“Don’t ruin that moment, Louis. And yeah… It would have been great if you had stayed but… It’s fine. Stop apologizing,” Liam insists and takes a deep breath. Now that he’s talking to Louis he realizes that all of this has been worrying him immensely since last night. Not in a troubling way, it’s just been there. Sitting in the back of his head.
Louis takes a deep breath too and then he smiles. “So we’re good?”
Liam nods. “Yeah, we are.”
“Ok. I just wanted to get it out of the way. For some reason it’s bothered me and I really wanted to say happy birthday,” Louis gets up and walks towards the door. “I’m afraid I can’t stay but I’m sure you have birthday-y things to do anyway.”
Liam gets up too and walks with him downstairs until they arrive at the door.
“Did you want a piece of cake or anything?” Liam asks, surprised that Louis is already leaving. “Or do you have plans?”
Louis pulls a face. “I can’t, I have…. A date?”
Liam widens his eyes. That’s interesting.
“Something like that at least. I mean… With a boy,” Louis adds because Liam is apparently lost for words.
“Oh, ok. Well… I hope he’s nice,” Liam says as he opens the door. For a moment they both just stand there. Louis reluctant to leave and Liam definitely wanting to shut the door again before Louis can escape.
Louis walks forward until they’re both on the same level and puts his hand on Liam’s arm. “Happy birthday.”
Liam nods thankfully and then Louis is gone.
“What do you mean he’s dating somebody?”, Harry asks suspiciously. Liam is sitting with Harry and Niall on their favorite bench, skipping football practice. Liam’s not really been in the mood to play with or against Louis and his two friends are clearly more interested in each other than kicking a ball.
“How can he be dating somebody?”, Harry keeps wondering and throws his hands in the air. “Is he even out? I should be dating somebody.” He looks at Liam, then turns to Niall on his other side. “Are we dating?”
Liam laughs. “Wow. Two weeks ago on this bench you didn’t even dare to talk to Niall.”
Harry just shrugs and Niall grins. “I guess we are, Haz.”
Liam rolls his eyes at the ridiculousness of this whole situation and goes back to spying on Louis. He’s super athletic and running around like a crazy person. Obviously he’s scored most of the goals so far and half the team is angry that they’re missing three players (who are provocatively watching from the side of the field).
“Yeah, he said it again in class this morning. So it’s definitely a multiple-date thing,” Liam confirms sadly. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he’s been thinking a lot about Louis for the past days. Ever since his birthday he’s started seeing Louis in a different light. His jokes were still annoying 140% of the time but he seems like a really good person and – most importantly – he distracts Liam from all the crap in his life. Even without them actually talking. Thinking about Louis in all the good and bad ways has taken Liam’s mind off exams, homework, practice and the daily quarrel with his family. He was usually focused on his goals and followed through with his plans but now he’s experiencing all these new things and thoughts that he can't explain. He wants to say it’s because he’s a year older now but he knows it’s because Louis grabbed his hand and opened his eyes in some way.
“I think it’s hilarious that it bothers you,” Harry says and makes Liam turn around. For a second he forgot that he was not alone. “And I like that I’m not alone in this anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well… liking blokes, you know?” Harry says and raises his eyebrows. Niall just smiles in the background. That kid always seems to smile, what is wrong with him?
Liam is too confused to respond and he doesn’t even know if he agrees or not. Does he fancy guys now? He looks over at his two friends and definitely does not fancy anything about that. So was it just Louis?
“You’re coming tonight, right?” Niall finally asks. “Now it’s my turn to get older.”
“Ugh, another party,” Liam sighs overly annoyed.
“It’s not my fault I was born two weeks after you!” Niall responds but he knows Liam was just joking.
“Yeah, I’ll be there. Mostly to please your boyfriend.”
Harry laughs. “Hey, I do not carry that title.” Liam adds a little ‘yet’ in his mind. “But yes, please come. I want you to be there!”
Liam nods. “I know, I know. I’ll be there.” He pauses for a while and then asks: “Is… Louis gonna be there?”
Harry and Liam both look at Niall expectantly. “Yeah. I invited the whole team. I’m sure he’s coming.”
Harry turns back to look at Liam, who doesn’t know how to feel. “You reckon he’s gonna bring his date, Liam?”
Liam shrugs. “How am I supposed to know?”
There’s a silence and Liam can feel the other two looking at him pitiful. What is this?
“What the hell, I can drink right?” He says finally and laughs, more forced than not. “I have one functioning kidney.”
He hasn’t been drinking for 18 years and now Louis is making him an alcoholic. Fantastic.
Niall’s party is so much better than Liam’s.
There are people everywhere in his house, he has a fantastic band playing in his living room (!) and generally there just seems to be a lot more of everything. Liam feels as if he’d just celebrated his twelfth birthday last week and wants to crawl into a hole.
“This is… quite the party,” he says as he walks in and Harry immediately thrusts a full cup into his hand.
“Here. Drink. You’re gonna need it.”
Liam frowns but obediently takes a big gulp of the disgusting liquid in his cup. It could be whiskey because it smells too intense to be vodka. Liam’s good at distinguishing that from all the times his friends have thrown up around him (and in Harry’s case even on him).
“This is horrible,” he declares. “Why am I drinking this?”
“Louis is here,” Harry answers and puts both of his hands on Liam’s shoulders. “With Zayn.”
Liam tilts his head and looks confused. “Your old friend? I remember being so jealous when you were spending much more time with him than with me last summer. You never told me what happened. Why is he here? And why is he dating Louis?”
Harry slaps him in the face. “Wake up old man!”
Ok, wow. What was that for?
“My old friend?”, Harry repeats mockingly. “He was the first boy I ever kissed. He converted me basically. Ok, stupid way to put it but you know what I mean. And now he’s dating Louis.”
Liam blinks a few times and then takes another big, big gulp out of his cup. Harry stares at him both frustrated and apologetic. “Can I have some more whiskey?”
Harry laughs.
The next hour consists of a lot of drinking and awkward staring. When Liam finally notices Louis on the other side of the kitchen he waves at him and Louis waves back.
“Come on. Don’t even…” Harry says and shoves Liam into the living room. He’s been dancing around Niall all night but the birthday boy is trying to please all of his guests and apparently knows everyone in town between the ages of 16 and 25. So Harry’s very obvious plan to make Zayn jealous is absolutely failing.
“Stop being so weird. Let’s mingle,” he advises Liam who almost spits his drink in his face.
“I have just received some interesting piece of information, Harold. Not only has the bloke that’s been on my mind brought a date. No, that date has been snogging you all of last summer! And I was kept completely in the dark!”
Harry doesn’t know whether to laugh or be sorry. He and Liam sit down in a tiny free spot on one of the sofas and face each other.
“Isn’t alcohol supposed to solve problems?” Liam asks and looks at the cup in his hand. “It’s not working, I can tell you that much.”
“Stop it. You know everything there is to know now. You said hi to Louis. Now we can enjoy the party! The cat’s out of the bag,” Harry says and pats Liam on his shoulder. “What are you gonna do about it? The worst part is over.”
Liam rolls his eyes and Harry let’s go of him.
“Nevermind. I take that back,” he suddenly says and jumps up. “I have to be somewhere.”
Liam shakes his head. “Are you kidding me?”
Without any further explanation Harry wanders off and Liam almost laughs at himself. This whole night has been surprising on so many levels so far.
“Hey, Liam,” a voice says behind him. Louis walks in front of him. Of course. At this point Liam doesn’t even bother to get wound up anymore. He just downs his drink and faces the inevitable.
“Hello, Louis. How good to see you,” he says and it sounds way more sarcastic than he meant it to. But Liam is buzzed, so he doesn’t really care.
“How are you?”
Liam lets out a short laugh. Where to begin?
“Ok,” Louis says a little confused. “Next question. Care for a smoke?”
Liam slowly nods and after Louis got himself a vodka drink they step outside. Liam has opted for a beer, which he is clinging onto now.
It is warm out and much quieter than inside. A couple of other people are in Niall’s front yard smoking but they are scattered about so Louis has the privacy he wanted.
“How have you been?” Louis starts and helps Liam light a cigarette. “We haven’t really talked since your birthday.”
Liam blows out some smoke. “I’ve been alright. Busy.”
“You never come to practice anymore.”
“Yeah. Like I said, I’ve been busy.” Liam is not trying to be a dick on purpose but the alcohol in his blood is doing funny things to him. He’s acting differently than he’s used to and if this is an opportunity to be mean to Louis for dating some guy after he held his hand, then so be it.
“The guy that I was with inside… That’s, um, Zayn.”
“I know,” Liam says. “Harry…”
Louis nods. Apparently he knows already.
“His tattoos are nice,” Liam says, forcing himself to come up with something other than an insult.
“I like yours too,” Louis says quickly. What is this conversation?
Again there’s a pause and they’re both just smoking. Every time one of them inhales, the crackle fills the silence.
“I saw Harry and Niall kiss tonight,” Louis says finally and Liam doesn’t know what to do with that information.
“They’ve been seeing each other since my birthday,” he states. That’s not entirely accurate but who cares about a day more or less. Liam was the only one who knew about their first kiss a week ago but apparently they’ve decided to make it official tonight.
“I had no idea. I mean, about Niall. Everyone knew about Harry,” Louis says. Hell, was Liam the only one blind enough to not notice Harry’s interest in boys? But then again he did question Harry’s sexuality a couple of times before, he just never thought there was anything to it.
“They like each other. I’m very happy for them.”
“Don’t get me wrong, me too. I just always thought Harry and you…” Louis doesn’t finish his sentence but Liam is already coughing up smoke.
“Excuse me? Did you think Harry and me were boyfriends?”
Liam is confused. He knows that he’s been close with Harry publicly but they never did anything that would make other people assume there was something going on between them. Thankfully, Louis shakes his head.
“No, not boyfriends. But I always thought Harry liked you a lot and I was wondering if you liked him back, you know? That’s why I held your hand.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wanted to know whether you would punch me or not. And you didn’t. So I concluded you fancied boys. Namely Harry,” Louis explains in a very matter-of-fact way and takes a sip.
“Well, you were right about me,” Liam admits a little hesitant.
He needs a second to process this. So that was the reason for Louis holding his hand? He wanted to test out whether Liam was gay or not? And the fact that Liam held on gave him his answer. Apparently it also made Louis think that he and Harry were with each other in some way.
It’s hard to read Louis face right now. He looks indifferent but there are hints of sadness that Liam has a hard time noticing. Then it hits him.
“Is that why you left my party?” he asks.
It was a bit of a stretch to basically accuse Louis of this, but Liam thinks it’s worth a shot. He couldn’t figure out Louis’ sadness the day after his party and this seems to make somewhat sense.
Louis not answering is all the answer Liam needs.
“That’s why you left my party,” he whispers and Louis just looks at his feet.
“The moment I held your hand I realized that you were so different from what I had previously thought,” Louis says without looking at him. “Actually spending time with you - and it was only one hour - changed my mind about you completely. But it also confirmed my suspicions about you fancying boys and probably Harry. So I let you go. I was drunk but I wasn’t drunk enough to go off on a hunch and cause trouble.”
Liam closes his eyes and lets the whole thing sink in. So Louis was going through the same miraculous change of mind that he himself was going through. But he was kind enough not to mess with Liam’s head and assumed that Liam was already interested in somebody else. So he let go. He let go.
“There’s nothing between me and Harry. Nothing of that sort at least. And there never has been,” Liam clarifies and Louis raises his head.
“Oh,” he simply says. “Well, it doesn’t matter now I guess.”
Liam wants to start screaming. This whole situation is so stupid and he whishes he was back in the woods with Louis again.
“It wouldn’t have mattered in the first place anyway, would it?” Louis states.
Yeah, would it? Liam knew all of this back then. He knew that Louis fancied boys and he knew that there was nothing between himself and Harry. And yet, he didn’t say anything or do anything. What could he have said or done anyway? Hold Louis’ other hand? Kiss him even? As much as he wishes he were back in the woods right now, Liam also wonders what he’d do differently now compared to two weeks ago. For him at least, it’s the same situation. Except now, he’s started liking Louis. And if Louis had known about him and Harry back then, would he have done more?
Liam can feel a headache approaching from all the confusing questions and what ifs. And from the whiskey.
“Well now you know,” Liam says because he doesn’t know what else to say, as usual. “You should go back inside. I’m sure Zayn’s looking for you.”
If this wasn’t so depressing he would laugh at how the tables have turned now and he was sending Louis back this time.
Without giving him any kind of recognition Louis flicks his cigarette and heads back inside. Liam looks after him but feels too stupid to call him back.
The only good thing about this night is seeing Harry truly happy. Once the party gets going, Niall pays Harry all the attention he needs and seeing them both kissing and cuddling is the one thing that puts a smile on Liam’s face. All of their friends are giggling around them and cheering and Liam is glad to see that.
For the rest of the night he can’t shake off the feeling that he missed out on something great.
Niall’s birthday unfortunately marks the end of summer break and the beginning of a new school year. Liam hasn’t been looking forward to it for many reasons (exams, homework, revising, Louis/Zayn) and therefore the first two weeks are just awful. But by the third week he has figured out most of his new classes so it’s somewhat tolerable. Luckily, Louis and Zayn don’t parade through the halls every day, so the heavy feeling in Liam’s chest isn’t as heavy as predicted.
He is sitting outside on the steps of the school with Harry, Jesy and Eleanor. Both girls are in his year and he is fond of them but it’s mostly Harry who brings them all together.
“I’m just glad we have a few classes together, otherwise I’d have to start doing my own homework”, he hears Harry say and gives him a dirty look.
“You could finally start actually doing something for school, you know?”
Harry just grins at him and has the girls giggling.
“I can’t believe it’s our last year and then we’re finally done,” Jesy sighs and takes a sip of her coffee.
It’s a lovely afternoon and the sun is out, which should make Liam feel all relaxed and good. But he’s not been the same since his conversation with Louis at Niall’s party. For one, he’s come to terms with fancying boys now, which is a weird change to be going through. And two, after a couple of days trying to forget about Louis and trying to shove his thoughts somewhere far away he’s finally accepted that he has a huge crush on Louis and seeing him with Zayn simply hurts.
“I can’t wait to get out of this place. It’s been long enough,” Liam says and the others nod in agreement. “I’m really not ready to do this another year.”
“Stop being so negative, it’s bringing me down,” Harry says and slaps him on the head. “What are you so pissed about anyway?”
Liam shrugs. He has talked to Harry multiple times about Louis and he’s been very pragmatic about it: either go up and talk to him or let it go. Liam has done neither and Harry was having none of it.
“If you have a problem, solve it. If you don’t, then stop being so pessimistic.”
“Really? That coming from you?” Liam looks at Harry and isn’t sure whether this was still joking or more serious. Either way, it was not a good topic and he was looking at Jesy and Eleanor to create a diversion.
“So… Are there any news?” Jesy begins, looking at her friends. “I was talking to Perrie earlier but she didn’t have any gossip… Have you got anything on Louis and Zayn? You’ve been Louis’ BFF since you were born, I’m sure there’s something.” She looks at Eleanor and Liam just wants to die.
This is about as awful a topic as Liam’s mood is.
“Not much,” Eleanor says and unwraps a chocolate bar. “They’ve been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now but Louis doesn’t like to talk about it.”
“Why not?” Harry wonders and gestures that he should be given the chocolate next. Eleanor rolls her eyes and hands it over.
“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “He’s never really dated a boy before. Only snogging.”
Liam feels miserable listening to this. Rehashing Louis’ new relationship is not something he should have to sit through.
“They seem happy,” Jesy notes. “I don’t see them jumping each other but Zayn always waits around for Louis and writes him notes in class. I think it’s cute.”
“I think it’s rubbish,” Harry says and Liam is glad. At least his best friend is defending him in some way. Although it’s not gonna make a difference. “I don’t buy it.”
“You think you and Niall are cuter?” Jeys asks with a grin on her face and slaps Harry with a book. “I can’t believe that’s a thing now. How do you guys ever have a conversation? I feel like neither of you knows how to shut up.”
“You don’t know how to shut up,” Harry says and gets up to tickle Jesy. Eleanor tries to get out of their way while Jesy runs away, screaming.
“Don’t hate on my relationship!” Harry yells and chases her up and down the stairs.
“He talks about you, you know?”
Liam looks up at Eleanor in confusion. “What do you mean?”
She sighs. “Louis. I don’t wanna be rude or anything. But he might have mentioned that you… are on the same team?” She says it like a question but clearly Louis has given her the facts of Liam’s sexual orientation already. “I’m sorry if it’s not true. And I’m sorry if it’s true and you don’t wanna talk about it. You know what? Forget I said anything.”
She shifts uncomfortably as Harry and Jesy sit back down. Jesy gives Eleanor an angry look, which Liam thinks is supposed to scold her. So they have been talking about it as well.
“It’s true,” he says finally. Harry shuts up for once and the two girls just look at him expectantly. “I do… fancy boys. I guess. I don’t know. Not all of them. And I still like girls I think.”
Jesy smiles and Eleanor sighs in relief. “Good. I thought you were gonna hate me now.”
“No, it’s fine,” Liam says and smiles a little. Did he just come out to his friends?
“I think it’s fantastic,” Jesy grins at him and puts her hand on his shoulder. “And I really, really don’t care.”
“Eww, gross. I don’t wanna talk to you anymore,” Harry laughs and shoves Liam off the stairs. Liam can’t help but laugh even though the girls both reach over to hit Harry.
“Way to be sensitive,” Jesy snorts.
“It was a joke,” Harry says. “Liam knows it was a joke. Come on! You’ve seen me make out with Niall!”
“I’m a little freaked out that you guys seem not surprised at all,” Liam says eventually. He thought his coming-out would have a bigger impact actually. Harry obviously already knows but Jesy and Eleanor seem very composed.
“Well. I was when Louis told me for the first time. I mean you had a girlfriend and everything,” Eleanor admits. “But I guess that’s already two years ago.”
“And I was when Eleanor told me,” Jesy says. Eleanor hits her in the side. “What?”
“I’ve only told her, I promise. I don’t want you to think I’m a shitty friend but I didn’t know if I should ask you or not, so I talked to Jesy,” Eleanor says in her defense.
“It’s cool, really,” Liam nods. “I don’t think you’re a shitty friend and I was going to tell you anyway at some point. I didn’t mean to keep you in the dark.”
He had in fact thought about telling more people then Harry, but he didn’t even know what to say. Was he gay? Was he bi? Was he straight but gay for Louis? He’s a little bit mad that Louis spilled the beans to Eleanor because he really wanted them to hear it from him personally. But at least Louis apparently cares enough about Liam to talk about him. And that’s a good thing. Everything counts. And after a second he thinks, what a pathetic attitude.
“Can I ask you something, Liam?” Jesy says eventually after all four of them share a laugh over Harry finishing Eleanor’s second candy bar in one go.
“Sure.”
“How did Louis know?” And there it was. How is he gonna get out of this one? “I didn’t know you guys were that close?”
Liam sees Harry look somewhere else, which means he’s definitely alone in this now. He’s certainly not going to give away that he held Louis hand and fell for him.
“He found out on my birthday,” he begins and at least he’s not lying so far. “He saw me… with a boy I like.”
He doesn’t know where this is going and he’s not sure that he sounds believable. He drags out every word until the sentence is finished, hoping he can buy himself some time to come up with a brilliant plan.
Luckily Jesy simply says “I see” and drops the topic.
They say their goodbye after a while and Liam starts to walk back home when Eleanor taps him on the shoulder. “Hey. Can I just talk to you for one more minute?”
Liam frowns but nods. “Of course. What’s up?”
Eleanor takes a deep breath and Liam can already tell that he’s not ready for whatever she’s gonna say next.
“I just have a question. It might sound weird but I just… have to ask.”
“Okay?”
“Do you… like Louis?”
She seems a little nervous asking but Liam knows he’s much more nervous than her. He did not expect to be confronted so directly about Louis and it makes him sweat. He doesn’t want to lie to Eleanor but he also can’t embarrass himself in front of her.
“You said you were with a boy you liked on your birthday,” Eleanor continues, not making it any better for Liam. “Louis told me about how you guys…”
Were holding hands. That blabbermouth could never shut up.
“Maybe there was another guy and I’m totally off here,” Eleanor says dismissively. It’s obvious that she doesn’t feel great having this conversation but at the same time it doesn’t seem to let her go. “But I was just wondering. I know Louis was wondering too. But unlike him, I knew you and Harry were not a thing. So... I’m just curious?”
“Are you gonna talk to him about this?”
“Do you want me to?”
This almost resembles a fight now, where they both throw questions at each other until one of them breaks. Liam looks away. He wants to tell Eleanor that he does in fact like Louis. Very much. But he doesn’t want her to tell him, especially not now that he’s dating Zayn.
“You’re right,” he says eventually. He hears his own voice and it sounds like he’s giving up. “I like him a lot. That’s why I held his hand. And I didn’t even know up until then.”
Eleanor looks at him and Liam continues. “That night, I knew. But before I could even sort a thought out in my head he acted weird and then he found Zayn, so… Congratulations, El. You’re a very good detective, figuring this all out from talking to him and me. And I’m sure you’re a great friend to Louis. But I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell him this. Nothing good’s going to come out of this. It’s too late.”
Eleanor looks so sad all of a sudden. Why is she disappointed? It’s not like she’s the one that fell for somebody that’s now taken. Slowly she nods.
“I guess we just had bad timing,” he concludes. Wow, did he sound bitter.
Right now, Liam just wants to get away from here. Thinking all of this is one thing but saying it out loud has a finality that just hurts really deep.
“I’m happy he found someone.”
Eleanor reaches out but Liam just smiles at her faintly and walks away. The look on her face says more than he needs to know and if she’s already feeling terrible, then how is he supposed to feel?
Liam can feel tears welling up in his eyes as he marches away from Eleanor without looking back. He closes his eyes but he can barely hold it back.
Once he’s around the corner, he throws his backpack on the floor, leans against the wall and sinks to the ground. His head falls into his hands and then he lets it all go. For a good three minutes he’s sobbing uncontrollably. He keeps his palms pressed to his eyes but he can’t stop the tears. He takes a few shallow breaths before he wipes them away and looks up. Thankfully nobody’s near him to witness his meltdown, although he wouldn’t even care at this point.
He didn’t plan on crying but now there’s no going back. He’s so frustrated that it hurts. Crying over Louis seems ridiculous but what can he do? He can’t stop thinking about him and everyday it just gets worse and worse. Liam knows that he’s falling for Louis and he has no idea how to stop it. He can’t get Louis out of his mind, not even for an hour.
He’s angry with himself for not having realized all of this before but how was he supposed to? And now Louis has Zayn who apparently makes him happy and Liam’s alone. It’s frustrating and it’s so not fair.
Liam pulls out his phone and takes a few more deep breaths. The crying has stopped but the pain is still there, more so than before. He pulls up his conversation with Harry and then types: How do you get over someone you’ve never even dated?