Work Text:
You felt as if you were surrounded by thousands of suns, burning with happiness, that moved slightly in the wind. The blue of the sky, the warmth of the flowers, the laughter hidden in folds of her dress created something unique. It wasn’t a feeling. Not an atmosphere. A memory.
It was Wednesday, or maybe Sunday? You were pretty sure it was Sunday. When everyone went to a mass the two of you, in a cloud of whispers and giggles, quickly decided to disappear. The afternoon sunlight soaked through the windows of the carriage as you left the city. You remembered the sunlight making Nannerl’s hair look like liquid gold. You remembered her easy smile, and eyes full of curiosity and joy as she looked at the fields around.
The next thing you recalled was the soft, thick blanket under you and her laughter ringing in the summer air. A birdsong. You could still feel the cold glass of those little pots filled with jams under your fingertips and the smell of fresh bread you bought that morning. The soft wind surrounded Nannerl’s face with a golden halo of her hair as she enjoyed the small bits of strawberries with whipped cream. A sweet feast for your little escapade.
It was a truly beautiful day. So full of life. For a moment you got lost in your own happiness, letting all the words on your lips die as you admired her and praised your luck. Nannerl noticed your silence and with a smile asked what were you thinking about. You told her. You remembered the kiss. Her soft skin made you melt with every touch. Her hands holding you down calmed your very soul. Her eyes...her eyes…
You looked at the sunflower in your hand. Its petals as yellow as those on the picnic field that day. But all of that was so long ago. Days, months, years. When she was by your side everything seemed so bright. When she was… but now she isn’t. You lost her. And since then you were losing her every day. As if your love was ordinary, as if she didn’t mean the world to you… you just forgot. Your own mind taking the memories, detail by detail, away. Taking until you had to start writing everything down in a storm of thoughts and feelings. But you never wrote about the picnic. You wanted to have that one thing. You wanted to have it without any reminder. Carved into your heart. You clung to it everyday hoping it would stay with you.
‘Don’t let me forget that day’ you whispered in a quiet prayer. ‘Please.’
You placed the flower on the cold stone. She’d love that. She always loved sunflowers. Joyous and full of life, even on her grave.