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Lily tried to ignore this fact, she really did. But Potter was there, and for the first time in a long time, he was looking at her. Really looking at her.
"You can't blame yourself, Evans. It was my fault." He had reached out and grabbed both of her hands. Lily couldn't swallow.
"I shouldn't have been so careless. I've been trying all this year. You know that. It just so happened that the one time I slipped up was the one time somebody got hurt. You didn't know what I was planning."
He was rubbing his thumbs on her knuckles, possibly trying to calm her down. James Potter didn't know that this simple, almost unconscious move was making Lily's heart race, and having quite the opposite effect of calming her down.
"James-" Lily tried to pull her hands away, but James Potter had no intention of letting her run away. He needed to know that she knew that it was his fault.
"No, Lily. Listen to me. Tonight was entirely my fault. Sirius didn't... It wasn't his fault. Pete di-... It was all my fault. I need you to know that."
"James." Lily began again, but suddenly Potter was too close, his messy hair tickling her forehead. He must have been leaning down, he was much too tall for his hair on her head. Her breath hitched. James must have taken this as a bad sign, because he sighed and turned away, rubbing the back of his neck.
Lily took a moment to compose herself. She tried not to think about the way his eyes had flickered, searching her whole face, or how when he exhaled, his breath had smelled of the muggle mint gum she made him try a few hours ago... He must have had another piece. She tried not to think of his eyes, or the way his face was something she could get used to waking up to-
No. It wasn't working.
James, like Lily, also had trouble breathing, but for very different reasons. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid. Yes, Mundungus was the one who had made him jump out of his skin, almost quite literally, but James was the one who had transformed. Twelve students had found out he was an unregistered animagus, including Lily Evans. She had to lie to the ministry, to the headmaster, to all of her friends, all because of him. He just didn't have it in him to erase her memory. He had gotten much better after the last eleven students, Flitwick would be proud.
But now, Lily was burdened. He turned around, dropping his hand from his neck. It was written all over her face. Something was bothering her. Her cheeks were flushed. She was probably angry. At him. He had lost his only chance. He had worked so hard for six years, and he screwed it up in one moment, all because he had gotten jumpy...
He threw his hands up to his face, moaning in frustration.
"James!" Lily had tried again and again, but the only response she had gotten out of him was watching him slap his face in agony.
She saw two ways this moment could end. No, scratch that, three.
One: she could leave right now and forget she was undoubtedly attracted to him,
Two: she could pry his hands off his face and try to reason with him, or
Three: she could pry his hands off his face and get his attention by kissing him.
She decided against the first option and moved to try to get his hands off his face. She hadn't decided which to pick, so she closed her eyes and waited to see what happened.
"Uh, Lily? What are you doing?" Lily had her hands wrapped around his wrists, and her face was screwed up like she had just taken a bite out of a lemon. He had expected her answer to explain what was going on in her head, not confuse him more.
"I can't decide between two or three," Lily explained, opening up her eyes a tiny bit to look at James. Defiantly not explanatory.
"Two or three what? Detentions to give me? Seconds before you hit me?"
"No... I suppose you're paying attention now anyways. James, look." Lily had removed the bracing look off her face, and was now chewing on her lip, choosing her words carefully. James was quite aware of the fact that her breath stirred some stray hairs on the top of his head.
"I think you've been overthinking this. This isn't the first time I've known something that I wasn't supposed to know about. Your map, Remus, your cloak." She paused. James was shocked. How did she know about the map? Sirius must have told her...
"And it's not the first time I've had to keep a secret, either. I've lied, I've- well, you get it. What I'm saying is that it's fine, and you're making a big deal out of nothing. I'm sure you've had your reasons to become animagi, and your reasons to be unregistered, but, it's fine. Really, James."
James Potter could've screamed for joy.
"Merlin's balls! Lily, you are the most wonderful woman I've ever-" but he'd run out of words. He grabbed Lily's waist and pulled her in.
Lily's eyes flew open. She was vaguely aware of James' mouth on hers. His hands were on her hips, firm but gentle and she closed her eyes and gave in a moment before he pulled hastily away.
"I'm so sorry," he began, and Lily opened her eyes slowly, not wishing the moment to end. She knew just a few things in that moment. She definitely thought Potter was more than just pleasing to the eyes. She liked him. Another thing was that his hands were still on her hips, and his lips were moving, probably still apologizing, again, for something he didn't need to.
Lily almost let this moment slip between her fingers. Almost.
The next thing Lily Evans knew, she was grabbing his face and pulling him in.
James had been stunned at his own impulsiveness. He had just patted himself on the back for talking his way out of the wrath of Lily Evans, (although a small part of him realized that it had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with Evans being a very kind and forgiving person) when he suddenly messed everything up. He had kissed her. What in Merlin's name had he been thinking?
"I am so sorry, Evans. I don't know what came over me, that was terribly impulsive, but I was so overcome with joy because you forgave me I guess I didn't know what to do and-"
But Lily Evans had just kissed him. Her fingers were cold against his face, but her lips were warm. They tasted of peppermint, probably that muggle gum she had given him. He felt his eyes close, and Lily Evans was everything. If one had gone into his head at that exact moment, they would've realized that it had gone completely empty. He didn't know where he was, what colors were, what time was, or that time was passing. It was just emotion, love in its purest form. His heart had stopped. Was he breathing? Lily Lily Lily Lily.
And then they were apart. Her green eyes sparkled. His brown eyes were shining.
And the moment was gone when up on the hill, looking down at them, Sirius whistled.