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Sleep is a very rare thing for Kim Seungmin which should be a given since he's an idol. Idols always have to take what ever amount of sleep they can get whether it be six hours or ten minutes but for Seungmin it was different. He could have seven hours to sleep only to get an hour or so of rest. He was always either too caught up in his anxious concerns to sleep or he would wake up after an hour of sleeping because of a nightmare. Here lately he's been having the latter happen to him.
For two weeks now he's been waking up in the middle of the night or the small, early hours of the morning because of his nightmares. His nightmares that made he feel and think that he was back in that room once again. For two weeks now he had only managed to get eleven hours of sleep all together. He had no doubt in his mind that he would only be getting three hours of sleep tonight but he finally managed to fall asleep despite his racing mind.
It was only midnight whenever Seungmin jolted awake, gasping in a wheezing manner that made his throat hurt. His shirt clung to his back with cold sweat as he scrambled to get out of his bed. He stumbled over himself in the dark as he rushed to get out of his shared room. His mind wasn't able to separate his flashbacks in the form of a nightmare from reality and it was screwing with him. His heart was pounding in his chest as he rushed down the hallway to get away from that room.
If he had been in a stable, calm state of mind he would know that he wasn't actually back there but he couldn't. He couldn't not feel the hands on his body once again. He couldn't not get those muffled whispers out of his head. He definitely couldn't for the life of him stop crying either.
In his blind panic he ended up in the kitchen. He dropped down onto the floor and pressed his self into the makeshift corner that was made by where the fridge met the wall. His body trembled as he pulled his knees to his chest. He was trying to make himself smaller than he actually was in order to protect himself even though there was no danger. Hot tears blurred his vision as he tried to down one of the breath exercises that his therapist had taught him.
Seungmin sucked in a deep breath that never seemed to reach his lungs because immediately afterwards he heaved out a choked sob. His chest burned as he sobbed. It was happening all over again for him. He was back in that room on that terrifying night and all he could do was let out sobs that punched the air out of his lungs and made him hyperventilate. His nights always panned out like this though.
He would cry and hyperventilate until his lips turned blue and his eyes stung, until someone found him, or until his flashbacks stopped plaguing his mind. He would never be certain about how and when his panic attack would stop but he knew one thing for certain. He knew sleep was a luxury that he, unfortunately, couldn't afford unless he wanted it to be ruined by his nightmares.