Chapter Text
As movies tend to portray the period of time when you get through high school, it actually isn’t always full of hardcore parties, adorable looking lockers and being the most popular kid in the entire school; it also definitely was not something Ceto was looking forward to.
Starting the year with having a fight with their mother which included not only yelling but also Ceto storming out of their room to prevent themself from losing their shit, they knew the idea of staying at the campus during the year would probably become a reality soon.
“you just haven’t found the right boy yet!” was the sentence which usually started their heated arguments and Ceto tried; they really did, to understand the worry that made their mother speak so foolishly, yet it became too much. Explaining, no matter how much accurate information they would try to show her didn’t help.
“or maybe i haven’t found the right parent!” was when they let go of the control they had upon themself and grabbed the opportunity to spill their anger loudly. It left their mother startled, definitely not in a good way and to be completely honest the words even surprised Ceto, but they didn’t have any more time to invest in holding back and letting others lecture them about their own identity. Let alone their mother; probably the only human being Ceto expected to trust before properly coming out and receiving a reaction they would never imagine.
So on the very first day of high school they set the rule in their mind to stop trying to make things clear and educate those who wouldn’t listen. It was exhausting, and for what? absolutely nothing, which made them quite mad. Ceto didn’t enjoy wasting energy and not being pleased with the result.
Aggressively grabbing the backpack and ignoring any sounds of their mother beginning to yell again in the room, they ran out of the house, clutching the essential luggage with the other hand and jumping into the waiting uber in one swift move. They muttered the address and handed in the money so they wouldn’t have to stop to search for it in the end; Ceto was already late because of all the bickering so they had no intention of making it even worse. Somehow the weather had also decided to shit on their mood,- it was a rainy October morning when the cold wind mercilessly slapped their reddened cheeks and froze their lips along with the running nose. Sniffing and shuddering, Ceto peaked out of the window, glancing at the houses quickly passing by. They hated when their face got flustered because of the cold.
Leaning their spine against the seat, they let themself relax a little and free their mind to wonder. This should’ve been a new magical chapter in Ceto’s life like everyone around them described it; full of excitement and joy caused from wanting to meet new people and finally choose a path to their career, though not only were they dreading any new social interactions, but also they had no idea what their future job would be like. More than inspiring and amusing, it seemed like a shithole with boring people in it and Ceto only hoped they would be able to blend in without being noticed and not stand out. Thinking about high school made their eyes roll. It was so unnecessary, - Ceto reckoned, - so unnecessary and stupid, dull few years of their life had to be wasted with no friends around them to encourage them and give them any motivation, teachers probably nagging and the principal accusing them of stuff they hadn’t done. Well, half of it, at least. What he spoke about Ceto killing their fellow classmate’s beloved cat and gifting it to her casually back in fifth grade might have been true.
No matter how cruel it sounded, the memory brought smile to their face. Stephanie, was the name of the cat’s owner and oh, was she a pain in the ass. Ceto didn’t like annoying people so they always made sure they got their revenge if needed.
They did try their best to hold back when thinking about killing things and be more considerate about it since in no way would they be able to get away with that easily during high school, but it was still quite difficult to live without physical pain easing the mental one. what is my life, they thought.
The school was at least an hour away from their home and the long car ride convinced them to stay there even more. It would be very hard to be forced to get up extra early in order to get there without being remarkably late, so campus seemed like the only logical option. Ceto didn’t want to get kicked out, not yet.
Fighting the urge to take a nap the whole time, just as they were about to give in and close their eyes, the uber reached the destination. Ceto got out, not really caring to say thanks since they knew it was going to sound angry and rude, so they settled with a nod and ran towards the building, staring up at the clock.
Ceto walked in, Trying to convince themself to be confident which usually wouldn’t be difficult for them but this time it was different. they closed the huge door of the entrance behind them and looked forward, taking in the atmosphere.
Students with heavy books and backpacks in their arms were walking, running around. Loudly speaking, some laughing, groups of tall, tattooed guys scaring the nerdy freshmen, girls wandering around together and gossiping about whatever,- it was already so overwhelming and noisy. Taking deep breaths, Ceto began to walk where their first class must’ve been, only to be hit by someone, or something. Looking up from their black converse, they saw a tall boy staring down at them with his eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed together.
“Would you be so kind to watch where you’re going?” a strong British accent cut the silence between them.
“Would you be so kind to get another pair of glasses since apparently those don’t really work?” fuming, Ceto didn’t hesitate to answer back. The guy beside them looked surprised even though it seemed like he had tried to hide it.
“Are you new around here? I can’t recognize your face, nor can i recognize your manners” squinting his eyes, the guy crossed his arms.
wow, he must be someone important then, Ceto thought. It didn’t really stop them from being bold and straightforward with their words, though.
“Yes. You look like someone with an attention span shorter than a snail, so no wonder you had no idea i was transferring here”
The boy’s eyes widened, making him look a bit scary and very, very offended, but to make this worse, Ceto kept the eye contact and waited for him to respond. However before he would manage to get himself to calm down and find the ability within himself to give back Ceto a mature answer, someone interrupted their heated conversation.
“Now, now Acelin, don’t scare off the new kid” Ceto heard someone’s bubbly voice that turned their attention to a beautiful purple haired girl making her way to approach them. She was dressed extra despite prom still being quite far away. Ceto wasn’t complaining; she looked very beautiful in her sparkly high heels and a stylish outfit that looked like a school uniform, just with a shorter skirt and a top instead of a proper shirt that would hide all of the curves. They licked their lips, without really realizing, which made her giggle.
“You should watch you mouth with sophomores and learn how to be more polite. It’s a pity that they teach everything here but that.” Acelin finished, walking away without glancing back at either of them.
“Don’t mind him, that’s Acelin, the school’s most popular guy.” the purple haired beauty smiled, shaking her head, “he is suuuper strict and serious but if you get to know him, i’m sure he’s fun to hang out with.” winking, she turned around “tell me if you need me to show you around and i’ll try my best to find time!” in a voice so uplifting that nearly made Ceto chuckle she said, digging in a light pink backpack, searching for something. “this is an invitation to a party that i’m hosting for all the new kids transferring to the school this year, i think it would help you get to know people and settle in! Friday evening, hope to see you there cutie!” in a tone that was perhaps very flirtatious, she spoke too quickly for Ceto to comprehend everything at once, but there they were, standing in the middle with a piece of paper in their hand that was supposed to be an invitation to.. even more social interactions, probably seeing that Acelin guy again and tons of drunk freshmen passed out on the floor. However on the other hand, Ceto would never be able to refuse getting a chance to meet up with pretty girls like her and possibly manage to charm them as well.
“Count me in” they smirked, pulling a salute as she waved at them and left.
Ceto was breathless. They had only managed to step into the building and so much was happening altogether. They didn’t really know how to react as the day had begun with so many mixed emotions. Refusing to try and predict how the rest of the year would go, Ceto shook their head to snap out of thoughts occupying their attention and went to their first class.
Unlike the situation outside classrooms, sitting for hours and listening to “utter bullshit” as Ceto referred to it in their head, was painfully boring. They tried everything to distract their mind from seeming like a molded cheese, wrapped in spider webs, that’s what it felt like. They doodled a girl which ended up looking too much like that purple haired lady they’d met, scribbled some notes and maybe even napped a few times as well. Ceto dedicated a lot of time to reconsidering their decisions and thinking about their plans on Friday. Was it worth it? - sacrificing mostly all their energy to attend something as big as a party hosted by the popular people of the school. Then again, it probably was. Ceto knew they needed some amusement if they were going to stay in campus the whole year.
The room they got was surprisingly tidy, which they knew was going to change. It was quite big and had a door connecting to the other side. Sighing, they tried to mentally prepare themself to process the fact that they’d have to deal with a roommate. Ceto tried to avoid rolling their eyes to the point where the pupils would disappear in the back of their head and decided not to disturb whoever was in the other room. From that exact day when they first entered the room, the mysterious roommate never really showed up. Ceto even dared to peek to see what was behind the door but no luck,- the place looked drastically different from their boring room, yet they preferred boring than what they managed to see. weirdly enough, it was filled with strange tiny bottles and thick books; posters filling the walls. The room itself was dark which was the only thing Ceto appreciated, however they were not looking forward to get to know the person staying in a room next to theirs that basically looked like a freaky library from an old castle.
Carelessly throwing their backpack aside, Ceto jumped on the bed, laying down and properly relaxing probably for the first time on the Friday evening. The high school life had seemed too much yet underwhelming and Ceto was struggling to find their feelings which were very much tangled and mixed into each other. For the entire week they didn’t really bother to interact with people and it was chill, but as they had expected unfortunately,- stress was steadily sneaking up on them and eventually they would have to go to that party the purple haired beauty had talked about. “i didn’t even catch her name!”, Ceto thought, the thought of the person bringing smile to their lips. Ceto hadn’t really thought this through, meaning their feelings towards her, though they were incapable of denying the apparent fact that they did feel attraction towards the endearing looking schoolmate. Ceto was quite confident with their crushes; this time as well, they were sure the girl would be on her knees begging to become theirs in no time.
“fuck yes i’m going to that damn party”
Ceto accidentally spoke their thoughts out, quite loudly.
“you sure about that?” they heard someone’s voice from the distance out of the blue, the surprise making them repulsively jump up from the bed and hit their head on a side of the furniture.
“Fuck!” was how Ceto responded, rubbing their forehead and getting ready to verbally destroy whoever had managed to sneak into their room. Though the person they saw standing in the doorway of the room next to theirs, the door left slightly open, was apparently the roommate.
“Have you been dead and somehow managed to become alive on this magical evening?” they asked sarcastically, still very much pissed because of their aching forehead.
“Sorry,” the black haired stranger smiled, “I was too busy working on stuff throughout the week and besides, you didn’t look like you needed more amusement in the form of social interactions.”
Ceto frowned, feeling themself calm down. “what were you saying about me attending the party anyways?”
Varis leaned against their door, “I think you should be a bit more prepared and.. used to this? if you’re going to go to the year’s biggest party hosted. It can get very hectic at times.” they said in a rather relaxed tone, Ceto not being able to read what their expression said.
Regardless Varis’ heartfelt suggestion, Ceto rolled their eyes, snorting.
“It’s just a party to celebrate the start of the year, i don’t think anything could go wrong” they said, shaking their head.
Varis shrugged their shoulders, staring at Ceto with their eyes squinted for a few seconds. “suit yourself, then” the smile came back to their face and Varis disappeared behind the door as if they weren’t even there a minute ago.
Ceto was not going to let anyone and anything make this year worse then it already was and they were going to go to that damn party. they had decided that firmly.
So as the time came to get ready and go, Ceto put on the most black outfit they could find, painted their eyes with a purple eyeshadow and braided a few strands of their hair, heading to the address that was scribbled on the invitation they’d been given.
Ceto had been to several parties before and all of them had been quite mediocre,-not too bad but not the best, so they weren’t exactly sure what to expect. Though Ceto did get surprised when they saw a huge part of the school building which looked too much like a damn ballroom and was practically glowing even from the distance. The fairy lights scattered around the entire ceiling were shining like actual diamonds, the walls, including every single corner, were heavily decorated and the floor was reflecting the lights from above, making the room look like an actual fancy club. There was food on long tables, making the air smell delicious; and most importantly, people. There were so many guests that Ceto nearly decided to take Varis’ suggestion into consideration and get out of there. Though they despised the feeling of being the coward, so Ceto firmly remained on their position and did not turn back.
Trying to make their way to what seemed like an empty spot in the end of the room, Ceto glanced at students around them basically losing their minds. They got to experience seeing things that their eyes had barely witnessed before, like half naked, passed out girls laying on sofas, everyone making out with god knows who; Freshmen loudly talking, laughing and some of them drunkenly yelling for no apparent reason. Music was spread all around the room, making even more noise instead of being pleasant, Ceto thought. The voices mixed into each other was already like someone banging on a drum next to Ceto’s poor ears and the party wasn’t even close to the end. Thankfully they managed to spot the person they were looking for in the crowd, waving at the purple haired cutie from the distance. She grinned, hinting at Ceto to approach her which they did. oh, they did.
She looked stunning, so gorgeous. Even Ceto wanted to admit it. She was effortlessly walking even in her sparkly heels, wearing heavy makeup, her hair braided and up in a stunning ponytail that showed more of her flawless face. Her lips were shining from evenly spread lipgloss on her mouth, she smelled like flowers and wore a dress that probably revealed too much. Ceto knew what they wanted right then and there.
Before going up to her to talk, they decided to have a few shots to encourage themself,- not that Ceto was lacking confidence. Quickly gulping some beer, Ceto rapidly started walking over her direction, one of their eyebrows raised, smirking. She didn’t hesitate to pull an evil smile either, which most likely.. seemed like a good start.
“hey there” Ceto practically yelled at her to sound coherent over the loud music.
“so you still came after all” she answered, getting noticeably closer out of the blue and tugging on Ceto’s sleeve. She was drunk. definitely, unmistakably, very drunk. Well then, it’d be less awkward for both of them to have fun.
“of course i did,” Ceto continued in their flirty tone, “how could i miss a chance of seeing you again?” that made her chuckle, looking up at them. “what do you say we go into the bathroom and make this a bit more fun” she winked and received an energetic nod from Ceto. Just arrived in high school and already managed to find a beautiful girl for them, only them, at least for this night.
They tried not to run to avoid seeming like horny desperate teenagers which they were, but as soon as they got to the destination the door behind them was locked and Ceto’s control was lost. They picked her up, putting her down on a counter in the bathroom so that Ceto was standing in between her legs. One questionable glance and they got a positive answer from the girl that gave them the ability to go at her neck and make tiny hickeys appear here and there. Ceto skipped any teasing, - there really was no time for that as they reckoned, going straight to the jackpot and lifting her dress and she moaned and forcefully grabbed Ceto’s hair. And then they stopped, dead in their tracks. The girl.. was not a girl. Certainly not a woman, physically at least.
Before they could control the expression of terror caused from nothing but pure astonishment, the person probably caught on and quickly figured out what was happening. “oh..” he, apparently, whispered, suddenly laughing while Ceto, confused, stared down at the junk.
“Name’s Niko by the way” he giggled in between the words.
“you’re.. not a girl” They felt embarrassed. Very, very embarrassed. And Ceto didn’t like it because they weren’t easily flustered and they would never let anyone put them in such situation normally.
“I do have a dic-“
“oh my god” Ceto cut him off before Niko could continue talking, feeling their face suddenly on fire. “and all this time i was thinking i had finally found a..” They couldn’t get themself to form understandable sentences.
“oh, dear,-what was your name again?” Niko paused for a split second, “Ceto. ah, yes. Dear Ceto, you look like you haven’t had a lot of experience with relationships” which was true, but considering the fact that they were incredibly mad in that very moment, Ceto was taking everything as offensive, fuming with anger, disappointment. whatever it was. “Let me tell you something, this is coming from someone who has had both girlfriends and boyfriends previously. They come and go, and permanent relationships require time. I thought we were just hooking up and you didn’t really give a fuck about what’s down there but it’s okay, i know some other ways t-“
Ceto sighed. “thanks, but i think i’ll leave.”
Niko pouted “oh, come on. Now i have to find someone to get rid of that” he pointed at his boner, “do you think Acelin would Agree?” he added with a chuckle, but Ceto was already exiting the bathroom, sorting their clothes and slowly picking up the pace to get out as quickly as it was humanly possible. However that wasn’t the easiest thing to achieve because of the crowded place that was slowly making it difficult for Ceto to not only leave, but also breathe. They tried to politely tell others to move, though that transformed into them pushing their way towards the exit to somehow escape the hectic atmosphere. Steadily Ceto felt their vision go blurry as their heart was beating faster than a running rabbit. Looking down at their hands, they managed to make out the shaky fingertips and felt the familiar, uncomfortable uneasiness that hadn’t bothered them for so long. Trying to get their breathing to go back to normal, Ceto closed their eyes, focusing on inhaling and exhaling, yet party didn’t stop and no one paid attention to help out. Several moving bodies were pressing against them as they felt trapped and breathless and tired. Ceto’s legs nearly fully gave out, them feeling like they were about to puke. Sitting on their knees and trying their best not to pass out, Ceto coughed, struggling to function. Black spots appeared in their vision, the darkness slowly taking up the whole frame and the last thing they heard besides the irritating music was someone calling their name.
“I told you, see? come on, come on. It’s just a tiny attack, you’ll be fine, you’ll be okay.”
well, the weird witch person who previously looked like they were going to secretly poison Ceto, turned out to be right.
.
.
.
People sometimes say stuff to calm you down that is not exactly the truth. In this particular context, no it was not a tiny attack.
Visibly overwhelmed by the loud music, lack of air, exhaustion and the number of guests at the party, Ceto had experienced a mildly uncomfortable anxiety attack only to be rescued by their roommate who was apparently kind enough to escort them to their room and help them breathe evenly, staying next to Ceto till they managed to fully relax and drift off to sleep.
Waking up, they thanked every existing god for it being Saturday and not the start of a new week. Memories hitting their head along with the slight hangover from the previous night’s beer, Ceto sighed, rubbing their temple and reaching over to grab a water bottle that previously had not been there. definitely.
“Good morning” they heard Varis say. God, they could appear so unexpectedly. Every single time.
“hey” Ceto sat up, their hands holding the bottle freezing mid way.
“It’s not poison, by the way. Do you remember anything from yesterday?” Varis shot them a knowing look, raising an eyebrow and crossing their arms. It didn’t seem like an angry gesture even though it should’ve been, yet Ceto couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed since the first impression they’d given to Varis was them shaking and struggling to breathe, basically laying on the ground at a party. yikes.
“I do. The end seems just a bit blurry but i think i have the idea of what happened.”
“hm. And the anxiety attack was definitely not the worst thing, right?”
Ceto frowned. “what do you mean?”
“to put it lightly... you were hoping to get a girlfriend and instead you got Niko?” they looked like they were holding back a chuckle. Then again, when did Varis not look like that.
“okay firstly,” Ceto’s eyes quickly widened in shock “how the hell do you know that, and secondly no, i was not specifically searching for a girlfriend but i surely knew what i saw was very unexpected so i just sort of. freaked out.”
Varis shot them a comforting smile “News like that tend to quickly spread around. Be ready for the week.”
Ceto sighed, nodding and rubbing their temple once again despite knowing it wouldn’t ease the pain. Varis had pity written all over their face and Ceto actually felt sorry for themself. wow, i sure am a failure, huh.
“you’ll be fine” Varis assured them as if they had the power of reading minds, “and you’ll be even more than fine if you consider listening to me this time.”
Ceto’s eyebrows furrowed.
What they despised most, with a burning passion really, was feeling weak. No matter how low Ceto’s life would manage to drop, they would stand back up, put on a mask and try their best to prove something that wasn’t completely correct,- that they were doing absolutely amazing and in this particular case, they weren’t at all bothered with a painful hangover and the fatigue of the tiring drama that was starting to stir up. slowly, that’s for sure, but Ceto wasn’t looking forward to it.
“whatever dude” they shook their head, rolling their eyes and closing them for a few minutes, hoping Varis would take a hint and leave them to be embarrassed alone.
Varis would not take a hint.
“Wanna hang out with me for the day? my room’s pretty cool as i’ve been told; and given the fact that it caught your eye as well apparently, i’d be more than happy to show you around.”
Varis probably did know that Ceto had peaked into their room. How? they had no idea, but after thinking about the offer for a few minutes and realizing they had nothing better to do other than force themself to think about how depressing the previous nigh had been, Ceto agreed.
Following them into the darkness, Ceto kind of regretted their decision half way, but it was a bit too late. Varis’ room always seemed creepy from what they had seen; even the tiny parts they managed to make out made Ceto uneasy the first time they peaked, yet there was no going back. Varis was confidently standing at the door, this time opening it wide.
Ceto approached them as well, squinting their eyes in hopes to see at least something.
“We thankfully have electricity by the power of physics, y’know.” Varis show them an ironic smile and lightly hit something on the wall.
That something lit up the whole room. And it definitely was not anything Ceto had ever imagined.
Sure the walls were black and nearly everything was painted in various different shades of death, but what Ceto’s eyes were seeing was single heartedly the most beautiful combination of old flowers, scented candles, tiny fairy lights, huge books, pillows piled on top of each other, a nicely decorated carpet and papers full of notes. It was a form of aesthetic that they found themself swiftly fancying.
“wow.” was what they managed to say aloud, astonished by the sudden loveliness of Varis’ room. It was definitely cozier, prettier even, than they had expected and Ceto desperately wanted to observe more of it. “So you’ve actually put effort into not only making this look like a house of a wizard, but you also decorating it nicely?”
“I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you very much and welcome to my crib!” Varis giggled, stepping into the room.
“Seriously though”, Ceto said, still looking around and feeling the apparent smell of wood from candles and tea leaves from... god knows what, “is this your work?”
Varis couldn’t help but smirk. “yep. Taking full credit for it. What, have you never decorated your room?”
“the furthest i’ve gone was sticking posters of cute anime characters to the walls in order to hide the wallpaper i chose when i was about six.” Ceto picked up a book, skimming through it. “It’s pink with fucking hearts and roses on it.” they added once they saw the curiosity on Varis’ face.
“Well, it took me about four buckets of black paint and several permanent markers to get the full effect here if that makes you feel any better; the cracks are still visible here and there but i say that’s the part of the aesthetic.”
Ceto felt themself smile. “you seem pretty rad, not going to lie.” they muttered, looking away from Varis.
“what can i say,” the black haired proudly announced, “i’ve always had a way with making friends. People seem to enjoy me and my quirky personality and i’m quite happy with my identity. It’s relaxing to stop at some point and realize,” Varis laid down on their bed, looking up at the ceiling, “-realize that you don’t have to be peer pressured in order to fit in. There will always be people who will be willing to speak to me about science, magic, the afterlife, even death,- and not get weirded out because that’s the point of being human y’know? being able to express yourself in a unique way and make everything a little less dull.”
Ceto realized they’d been staring. Not at candles, or books or anything. They were just staring, absolutely amazed by their words, their brain occupied with nothing but Varis’ opinions spilling.
“that’s... true.” Ceto gave in, letting their lips to stretch out in a smile.
“sure is. Being aware of that alone has helped me cope with many challenges in life.” Varis shrugged their shoulders, smiling back.
“have you ever experienced feeling incredibly lonely and hopeless?” Ceto asked carefully, not daring to look them straight in the eye. They knew the reason they were asking this; Varis seemed like they had gone through similar stuff Ceto had experienced and they wanted to find out if Varis could really relate on a spiritual level, really make them feel like they understood. So Ceto asked and waited. waited for Varis to respond; and the few minutes they took to think about the question stretched out as if it’d been a full decade. They spoke, though.
“Yes. In fact i still feel like that sometimes and i really wish i were able to fully stop it.” Varis mumbled, looking up. “why? is that something you also struggle with?” they asked knowingly. Ceto settled with a nod, biting their lip.
“To sum it up, my family isn’t very supportive of me and people generally don’t find me very likeable just because i don’t act like a.. girl.” Ceto pursed their lips, arms now crossed.
“Likewise. Not everyone will accept you as you are and i’m afraid we won’t be able to educate them either” Varis shrugged their shoulders.
Ceto settled with a nod, now approaching the newly made friend as they referred to Varis in their head, sitting down on the bed.
“It’s way more difficult here than i thought,” they started, “Thinking i would get away from all the drama and headache, i feel like i just stepped in another trouble.”
Resting their head on their arms, Varis glanced at Ceto, smirking. “nah it can’t be that bad, you’ve only been here for a week.. and already managed to befriend the coolest member of the gang.” eyebrows raised, Ceto looked at them before chuckling and shaking their head. “really though,” Varis continued, “It’s not that terrible. I personally like to observe the dramatic occurrences from a fair distance and laugh at people”.
“You’re quite thick-skinned and mysterious. Wish i was able to take everything so easily”
“That needs patience and getting used to. You’ll be fine. I suggest you start with getting along with Acelin and watching your tongue when he’s around,- i wouldn’t mess with the most popular guy here.”
As much as they hated to agree, Ceto nodded and got up, deciding to begin getting ready for the upcoming, long week. It was going to be the start of a yet another journey and despite dreading the year already, Ceto was willing to at least try to avoid failing all their classes.
Varis’ speech had been pretty inspiring which helped them view the whole situation a little less horribly. Ceto kept repeating that they’d survive in their head. They weren’t sure if it really helped or not, but at least it felt a bit encouraging to have the ability within themself to believe in good again.
Surprisingly, they ended up staying till the evening and hanging out with Varis, that leaving them with only an hour to prepare for the week before all the homework would come crashing down their head, yet Ceto couldn’t bring themself to care that much when the happiness of having made a friend still filled them with joy.
The week started quicker than Ceto managed to process. It felt like they blinked and it was a Monday morning. Well, actually a little past morning. Ceto was somehow, again, late.
Grabbing their books as fast as it was possible with their long hands tangled into each other, Ceto put on the first pair of dr.martens they could reach, throwing on an oversized hoodie and preparing to run faster than the wind itself. Rushing out of the room and kicking the door behind them with one of their legs, Ceto nearly tripped over, which apparently was not even close to enough to stop them as they aggressively continued impersonating sonic the hedgehog. They were half way to the class when Ceto’s brain decided to wake up and function again and they noticed that their vision had gone a bit blurry. Before they could realize that they had left their glasses in the room, Ceto crashed into with someone with full force. This time it was harsher than with Acelin, faster and it felt like a literal explosion as their books fell all around the floor, Ceto finding themself sat on their butt out of the blue.
“Oh my god i’m so sorry!” they heard a soft voice, managing to see someone’s hand reaching out for them. As Ceto’s vision steadily focused on the figure beside them, they managed to spot a girl. Definitely, undoubtedly a girl this time, looking like Ceto’s dreams and more.
no. stop. stop stop stop stop stop-
But her hair,- listen, it was blond and curly and styled in the most gorgeous way, she had big blue eyes that almost made her look like a doll, tiny, pink lips and probably the prettiest dress Ceto has ever seen on someone.
As they firmly blocked out any positive thoughts regarding the lady standing in front of them, Ceto took her hand and stood up, still not giving her an answer. They started swiftly putting the books into their bag, hoping the girl would take a hint and leave, but she decided to be generous and help out, reaching out to take them as well.
“It’s fine i got this,” Ceto started, only to be cut off by her.
“You seem new. I did see you at the party but never actually got the chance to talk to you.”
“I’m kind of late.” Ceto said, letting the rude tone in their voice shine.
“For what?” The girl’s eyes widened.
“Uh, class?” Ceto looked at her as if she was insane.
The girl laughed and Ceto swore it was the last straw to make them go mad.
“The classes have been dismissed, didn’t anyone tell you? Mrs. Smith’s mother passed away yesterday,” her face quickly transformed into a serious expression, “so today is basically cancelled.”
“Oh.” Ceto closed their eyes, “my fucking god.” they breathed, counting from one to ten and resisting the urge to destroy every single book they were holding. “and i nearly got a heart attack thinking i’d get expelled before even coming to this fucking school.”
The girl chuckled. “I’m Martha by the way.”
“Oh good.” Ceto said, still pretty irritated, “thank god it’s not a gender neutral name.”
“what?” Martha got confused.
“Long story. Forget it.” Ceto answered, brushing off any thoughts of their encounter with Niko.
Shrugging her shoulders, Martha smiled. “Since we bumped into each other and managed to have this successful small talk without being painfully awkward, would you like to hang out with me sometime?”
Acbold move, strange. Ceto couldn’t lie, not to themself at least,- it felt immensely good to have someone else taking interest in them for once, whether it was friendly... or friendly. No stupid relationships, remember?
“Sure, whatever. It’s not like i have something to do anyways rather than curl up in my bed and get some deserved god damn rest.”
“Are you this rude to all of your friends?”
“Yes. Don’t think you’re special”
Martha, unlike legitimately any other human person Ceto had ever met before, chose to take their sarcastic remarks with a grain of salt and laugh it off. She even seemed a bit fond of their playful bickering, if Ceto dared to admit. Who is this girl.
“Well then make me stand out by letting me buy you coffee or something?”
“and why would you do that?”
“A friendly gesture to the person i bumped into and threw their books all around the newly mopped floor?”
“I’m not sure if coffee would be able to fix them if not stain the pages even more”
“Oh for god’s sake, shut up!” the girl giggled, softly nudging Ceto and shaking her head. “So are you in?”
“Whatever.”
“I take that as a yes.”
whatever she took it as, a few minutes after Ceto was sat in a cafe enjoying their drink and accidentally thinking about how much they enjoyed Martha’s friendly company. She was relaxed, didn’t pressure them and was incredibly easy to talk to. Well, actually, she did the talking, mostly.
“And that’s how i got my cat!” She smiled, finishing a story that had made Ceto giggle like a child at least five times. “My mouth is dry from not shutting up, tell me about yourself! Have you been enjoying the high school life here?” she asked, genuinely interested.
“I feel like you’re the type of a girl who prefers honesty rather than fake pretending,” Ceto started, looking down at their palms, gripping the hot cup of coffee for warmth, “Despite having made some pretty cool friends, all of this still hasn’t... sunk in yet. It feels a bit overwhelming altogether.”
“Understandable.” Martha nodded “I felt just like you when i transferred here last year. It just takes some getting used to, and if you get through that period of time you can get through everything.” She sipped the beverage, “speaking from personal experience.”
Martha was so amazingly cute. With her doll like face and slim body, Ceto lowkey wanted to pick her up and spin her around and. be her friend.
stop. rushing. things.
After mentally slapping themself to be reminded of their previous experience at hooking up, Ceto managed to tear their eyes off of Martha and glanced outside. The weather was still freezing cold. Martha seemed warm, though.
“I’m glad bumping into you brought me free drinks and a new mate.” Ceto said without making eye contact.
“i’m glad bumping into you finally gave me a proper reason to talk to you.”
“huh?” Now Ceto looked over. “Do you know me?”
“Nooot exactly” Martha immediately got flustered. “I might have stalked all your social media a week before you came but that’s about it. Oh, and i also got to listen to Niko’s endless rambling about how he unintentionally scared you with his dick or something i don’t fully remember,”
“WHAT?!” Ceto’s shocked response came out a bit louder than they had originally intended but that was the last thing they cared about at the moment.
“yeah what happened there by the way?” Martha looked like she was holding back a giggle.
welp, at least she hasn’t run away yet from being absolutely creeped out.
“Long story short, i thought i was getting action before being greeted by Niko Junior. It was so unexpected,- because he looks exactly like a girl,- that i sort of freaked out and proceeded to quickly leave. There’s nothing wrong with him obviously, but imagine thinking you had found your wife and he crushes your dreams, telling you it was going to be a one-time thing only and turns out to have the D.” Ceto spoke, purposely exaggerating the case.
“Oh, poor thing.” the grin in Martha’s lips was now back, “see, you shouldn’t rush into things. Unless it’s really worth it.” winking, she got up to pay and turned around before Ceto could respond, leaving them with their mouth hanging open.
this girl.
Ceto enjoyed her company. Probably a bit too much, and you couldn’t blame them, Martha was unapologetically stunning and it seemed like she knew that.
They ended up dedicating the day to each other, hanging out and not letting anything disturb their tiny banters about universe and all kinds of boring shit that Ceto for once, somehow found interesting.
They opened up a lot, even for their own liking. Ceto didn’t know whether that was good or not, but they kept on talking anyway and soon, Martha was fully aware of their lifestyle and issues. What could they say, she was easy to talk to and Ceto had a lot on their mind, at least enough to make them feel like their chest was on fire and their mind was a big pile of dirt. The warm smile was now gone from her pretty face, leaving her big ocean eyes staring at Ceto in interest and.. what was that? a bit of sadness. Pity?
“...So at least i feel accepted on some level here. It feels like no one knows me and i don’t know anyone but somehow it’s already more like home y’know? I don’t fucking care if my potential girlfriend turned out to be a dude or if my close friend is obsessed with dead corpses,- they don’t care who i identify as or what i like.” Before their voice would start shaking, Ceto stopped speaking, shook their head and rapidly blinked their eyes a few times to dry the upcoming tears sneaking their way in.
Seconds after they felt Martha’s tiny hand slightly touch theirs. Her form of affection was very hesitant, unsure, but Ceto thought fuck it; It’s what they needed at that moment, and softly grabbed her hand.
Walking towards the school garden, they chose a higher, emptier spot to sit on the grass. The evening had come before they’d managed to notice and the sky was painted in the most beautiful combination of blue, pink and yellow. Purple was there somewhere too, Ceto was sure.
“The uh. The first day of school. Was when i first saw you in person, not at the party.” Martha admitted out of the blue, staring in the distance. “There was something so incredibly eccentric about you that instantly caught my eye and gave me this uncontrollable urge to get to know you,” she dared to look at them “i thought we would get along and i think i was right. There really is something about you that makes me feel less lonely. You’re like a friend i should have known for my whole life.” she paused, looking at them, “where were you, all this time by the way?” she giggled, joking.
Ceto nervously chuckled. Things had gone so quickly and their heart was racing faster than wind. Never in their life, not even once had they decided to open up to someone as simply as they did with Martha and accept physical contact on the first day of their interaction.
She was different though, that much Ceto understood. She was loving and understanding and caring and everything they could’ve ever dreamed of; Martha was their comfort zone and more. How did they feel so instantly glued to the girl? that was chemistry even Ceto couldn’t figure out, but they did and they let themself do so. It was no use in denying their feelings towards people every time they’d get a chance to develop some kind of a relationship, be it platonic or not.
Ceto liked Martha, and they were going to befriend her. Become their supportive, loving fr-
Martha had shifted closer, impossibly closer. And Ceto swore she was leaning in to do something, hug them? put her face on theirs?
Before stopping to ask for permission and greeted by silence, Martha took that as a yes and with the softest gesture Ceto has ever felt on their skin, she caressed their cheek, carefully kissing their lips. It was a gentle peck, feeling ghostly and almost not there, but it was definitely happening. For a split second Ceto got dizzy, their brain trying to process a thousand things at the same exact time, but as they managed to recover shortly after, they proceeded to ignore any thoughts telling them to stop, to quit this. And they looked up at Martha who was nervously waiting for an answer. Then they gave her the answer.
Kissing her felt sweet, Ceto thought. Tasting strawberry chapstick after daring to deepen the kiss, Ceto smiled and focused on how right the moment felt. They found themself wishing it could continue forever, wishing they could stop time or press a rewind button.
Though some stories have fucked up endings, and Ceto’s story was apparently one of them.
“What. The. Actual. Living. Fuck. Is going on here?!”
I really can’t catch a break, can i.
Martha jumped up, her face going pale, a terrified expression plastered on her face.
“Acelin, i-“
“Explain.” Acelin stood, shaking from anger, “Explain now”
Ceto definitely felt dizzy now. Even without their glasses it wasn’t difficult to see Acelin, full of rage and indignation.
Martha suddenly calmed down, the scared expression changing with a stubborn one. Looking at Acelin without even blinking, Martha inhaled, then exhaled, taking her time to put two puzzles together and think of what to tell him exactly.
“We both saw it coming, Acelin. Whatever we had, it was not going to work out and i noticed it first. Care to know why? Because you had no time to actually think about it and sacrifice your precious time for me.” despite the fact that she should’ve sounded angry, Martha’s voice was quite relaxed. She spoke as if a huge weight was being lifted off her chest.
“You.” Acelin now looked over at Ceto with nothing but disgust on his face.
“They’re absolutely, unmistakably innocent Acelin. As someone with reputation like yours, it wouldn’t be the best to keep shitting on someone who did nothing wrong to you, would it?”
“Get fucking lost.” was what Acelin said lastly, turning around and walking, gradually speeding up and running away from them.
Well this had been an emotional rollercoaster.
ACELIN
He was so angry, filled with fury and wrath to the point where Acelin really thought he was going to physically explode in flames, but as soon as he managed to get away and leave them, it all disappeared. Like that, something clicked and the energy he was receiving vanished. But he wished the feeling had stayed as the next were tears. Roughly kicking the bathroom door and closing it just as loudly, Acelin broke down without expecting it himself.
Now he definitely wasn’t the guy who could cry easily; he hated it in general and believed emotions made him seem weak which he would never tolerate with, but alone in the bathroom with no one to judge the broken teenager, he buried his face in his hands and sat against the cold wall.
Looking down at the black Vans he had decided to wear, Acelin sighed and tried his best to steady his breathing, yet nothing was working. Already stressed from keeping his reputation at school safe, the news came crashing down his head and tore apart his heart. It was difficult, - acting like a flawless angel, harder than he had ever imagined. Acelin couldn’t lie. He liked people looking up at him and admiring him as a person, thinking he was intelligent and smart and always asking for help from him. And even though at some extent it was true, he was still forcing himself to be someone else and push himself to be the best, no ever more than that.
Acelin felt absolutely disgusting. “I should’ve let go of her long ago” he quietly muttered to himself, sobbing, “I’m toxic,” he sniffed, “not worthy of anything s-she was willing to give me”. closing his eyes, Acelin let the tears fall from his eyes and relax in the dark till opening them up again as he heard a noise.
oh no.
oh for the love of god. no.
“Is anything wrong?” He heard a high-pitched, girly voice, making him snap out of his pity instantly. There he was. Standing confidently but looking a bit worried since he had never seen Acelin in such... unsuitable state.
“Leave me alone Niko.” Acelin looked down, trying to hide his puffy eyes.
“Tell me what happened. Maybe i can help.”
“Just leave me alone!” Acelin yelled, probably sounding a bit too loud than he had originally intended. Feeling bad right after he saw Niko flinching, Acelin looked away. “Look-“
“I’ve just never seen you like that.” Niko calmly mumbled, cutting him off. “It’s scary to see you-“
“don’t say it.”
“...expressing emotions.”
“oh.”
“oh. What did you think i was going to say?”
Acelin didn’t answer.
“Weak?”
“shut up.”
Niko smiled, proceeding to sit beside the boy.
“It’s okay. Whatever happened. I’m sure it’ll get better. And you aren’t weak for letting yourself be human and cry.” Acelin listened. He pretended he didn’t care, but he did.
"I think i always knew there would be someone else hiding inside you" Niko said, "someone more grounded and down to earth"
"Are you saying i'm self-centered?" Acelin sniffed, offended, which made Niko chuckle.
"A bit, admit it"
"Bold of you to announce that"
"Well, what can i say, i love myself and i'm not afraid to express my confidence, but the main point is that your will to be the best at all times actually makes you weaker. I can't even imagine how tiring it must be"
Acelin sighed. "It is. I've never really thought about it properly but it is. The whole popular guy persona steals so nuch of my energy that i keep working without even realizing i'm exhausted, until it physically starts hurting. My back is still sore i think"
Niko lightly nudged him to move away from the wall. Acelin's questioning gaze was assured by Niko nodding and asking him to move. The boy got behind his back and soon Acelin felt two small hands on his back, softly massaging his stiff shoulders and sending shivers down his spine. Niko was helping. Giving up, Acelin closed his eyes to fully experience the relaxing sensations and leaned into his touch.
"Better, now?" Niko asked, moving down, keeping up the movements. Acelin nodded, slightly throwing his head back and hearing his own breathing. He felt calmer and the exhaustion had suddenly creeped up his spine. The entire body as well, to be honest. The boy yawned.
"I think you should get rest. Today was tough" Niko whispered, softly turning him around and brushing a few strands of hair off his forehead. "Your hair is gorgeous"
"No one has ever seen me this vulnerable." Acelin mumbled, voice still a bit shaky.
"I know" Niko answered, repeating after a pause, "i know." More firmly this time.
Acelin stood up, looking into the mirror to sort himself out, fix his hair, button up his shirt properly and dust off any dirt from sitting on the bathrooms floor, but following after him, Niko instantly stopped him. "See what you're doing again?" He asked, "just
go i’ll help you out.”
How did he know where Acelin's dorm was? He didn't know that, but he was happy
to be taken care of, for the first time in his life, probably.
———————————
“I ruined everything..” Martha looked like she was about to cry, and Ceto was having none of it.
“Stop blaming yourself!” they exploded, “he didn’t deserve you, you weren’t happy and this was bound to happen.” they lowered their voice, “obviously this wasn’t the best way for him to find out but honestly,- fuck man! who cares?”
Martha looked up at them, eyes teary. “The worst part is that you’re right but i’m struggling to accept the truth. I only wanted good for him, why-“
“yeah well what if he didn’t feel the same?” Ceto asked straightforwardly, not having mercy.
Martha broke down, still making their heart sink.
“I don’t know,” the girl cried, “Whatever happens, I just don’t want us to be enemies. The way he just saw me, this isn’t me! I mean don’t get me wrong, i do like you, but i’m never the person who would just cheat! It was clear our relationship was coming to an end but the process was so painfully slow that i couldn’t take it anymore. None of us spoke up! We both wanted to keep the fantasy of a perfect couple that defined love.” Martha sniffed, “And it wasn’t a lie, i did love him. Just not.. permanently. It’s like we weren’t made for each other.”
Ceto could do nothing but nod in understatement. “I think i get what you mean.” they reassured her, “but you do know that it’s time to start moving on, right? slow and steady, you need to get over it.”
“I will.” Martha said as confidently as her shaky voice could manage, “It will take time. But i will.”
“Till then, we could stay friends who occasionally go on coffee dates and talk about deep shit.”
“I’m cool with that.” Martha let a tiny smile spread across the corner of her lips.
Ceto’s life was a one big rollercoaster. No matter what would happen, good or bad, mostly the two of them together, - it would flip everything over and play with their emotions, making them feel even more lost. Although at the end of the day, Ceto knew one thing for sure, and it was that at the end of the day, the battle they had with the universe would still end up on their side.