Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was becoming uneasily quiet, it was late afternoon and everyone was going home. Well, everyone but Cisco. Cisco liked to chill at Star Labs after hours, working on new inventions and equations that have yet been answered. But Cisco wasn't there voluntarily. He'd accidentally gave Barry the impression that he'd have a new suit ready to go for use tomorrow.

Anyway, Cisco was not in the mood, he'd just started his period earlier that day and he wasn't feeling good at all. But a promise is a promise, so he carried on to his lab.

Cisco spent hours in his lab just thinking about suit ideas. He'd gotten there at 7:05 P.M. and it was already 11:40 P.M. It felt like an eternity to Cisco. If Cisco wasn't worn out before, then who knows what he is now because he was beyond stressed. Cisco was emotionally and physically drained, his binder was tight and it was getting hard for Cisco to breathe. Well, he was alone so no one would know if he took it off. And so he did. Finally relieved of his chest pain, he was less stressed than before.

Another 20 minutes had passed and Cisco was so into his work, he didn't even notice that Harry walked in. Harry hadn't noticed him either. He was tired, he hadn't slept, he merely waited for Jesse to fall into a slumber.

Harry removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. He yawned, making a small noise that startled Cisco who yelped.

"What the fuck!" Cisco yelled as he reached for a marker to throw at the intruder. Harry glanced at him and sighed.

"What are you doing here, Ramon?"

"Uh, this is my lab, what are you doing here?" Cisco straightened himself out, he went wide eyed when he remember that his binder was off. He didn't hope for the worst, but he expected it because Harry had noticed this. Not that Harry understood trans, he was from a different earth that wouldn't even consider nor tolerate such a thing. Harry didn't understand binding, he didn't even know what it was. All he knew was that Cisco had breasts, and that's something Cisco never had before.

Cisco crossed his arms, hoping that Harry would drop it. He didn't.

"Cisco."

"Harry."

"Hm. There something you wanna tell me?" He gestured at Cisco's body.

"Uh, not really." Cisco said in a "I have no idea what you're talking about" voice.

"You sure about that?" Harry took a step closer to him, his voice was gruff, it was something Cisco really liked about Harry but sometimes, it scared him. This was one of those times. Cisco took a step back.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure." Cisco made his way to his desk to distract himself from the fact that Harry just found out about his biggest secret and now things will be awkward forever. Not long after taking a seat, his stomach growled.

"Big Belly Burger?"

"Yes, please." Cisco answered, he gripped his abdomen, he felt nauseous.

When Harry came back from Big Belly Burger, things were just as awkward as before. They sat quietly on the couch in Cisco's lab. While Harry was gone, Cisco had put his binder back on. Once again, Cisco hoped Harry would drop it, but he didn't.

"So you're female?" Harry asked after he finished chewing on a bite of burger. Cisco gritted his teeth.

"No, dumbass! If I was a girl you'd know it!" He barked back. He instantly regretted it for Harry actually looked hurt. It's a rare sight to see.

"I was just asking, Cisco. I'm just a little confused."

"What can you possibly be confused about, Harry? I'm a guy! A dude! A macho man! What's so confusing about that?"

"Cisco you have-" Harry once more gestured at Cisco's chest to only reveal that there was nothing there. "W-what? Where'd they go?"

"I'm wearing a binder."

"Why would you wear office supplies on your chest?" Harry asked in a monotone voice.

"Office supplies…" Cisco mumbled under his breath and sighed. "You don't know what a binder is?"

"Cisco, I just said what it was-"

"Not that type of binder, Harry." Cisco avoided eye contact, glancing at his monitors from afar as if they held the answer. Cisco waited for a response but none came. He carried on.

"A binder is a-it's a-like, clothes that bind my chest. It makes it, you know, flat." Cisco's head dropped to his hands that fiddled with a fry. Harry's eyes  never left Cisco, his face looking in a thoughtful manner as he processed this information.

"Why would you want to do that to yourself?" Harry finally asked, he inched closer to Cisco on the couch.

"Because, Harry, I was born a girl but I'm actually a guy, like mentally a dude, and that's all I'm telling you because you'd just hate me more than you do right now."

"I don't hate you, Ramon. You're just a-" He thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "You're really, uh, eccentric." He dragged the last word out, unsure of his wording. Cisco laughed, he finally looked up, locking eye contact with Harry.

"And that's a bad thing?" Cisco asked, smiling widely.

"Never said it was." Harry said in such a low manner that Cisco almost didn't hear him. Cisco's smile disappeared slowly as they settled down, the tension leaving the room as they continued to eat.

It was a whopping 13 minutes before one of them spoke again.

"Can I see it?" Harry broke the silence. Cisco was taking a sip of a slushie when he merely spit it back up, startled by the question.

"See what?" Cisco arched his eyebrow.

"Your binder." Cisco's eyes widen with fear, he got up so quickly his food went flying about the lab. He tried to pick some of it up as he was leaving but failed to do so. He stuttered his last words to Harry before leaving the lab.

"I-I gotta go, gotta go home, ya know? Bye!" Harry didn't get the chance to reply.

Chapter Text

Things were awkward for a couple of days. It took about a week for Harry and Cisco to even talk to each other, Cisco's doing. He tried his best to avoid Harry as if he was the plague, hoping for no more questions, for Harry's sake. Cisco didn't want to lose Harry, he didn't want Harry to hate him either. So if Cisco ignored him, Harry would continue to hate him, but if he told Harry everything, Harry would probably hate him even more. Ignoring Harry would be quite the task considering they share a work space, then again, Cisco didn't have to worry about that because Harry had other plans.

Cisco worked quietly in his lab, he was finishing up his latest project as quickly as possible, fearing Harry might intrude. He was right, as soon as Cisco finished putting the last bolt into his meta-gun, Harry walked in and spoke.

"Why are you ignoring me?" Harry held onto the door frame, supporting his weight.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Cisco sputtered, shrugging so hard his shoulder could have rolled out of place.

"You know very well what I'm talking about. Why are you ignoring me?" Harry released his grip on the door frame, stalking towards Cisco who pressed against his own desk.

"Harry, please."

"Cisco." Harry stopped walking, merely a foot away from Cisco, he looked concerned, his features softening.

"Why is it so important to you? Why do you-why does it matter?" Cisco sighed and threw his head back, closing his eyes. He opened them and stared back at Harry.

"Cisco, you have to understand. This thing-" Harry gestured at Cisco with one hand. "It's something that's not-its just-I've never seen it. Ever. It's not something you see on my Earth, at all."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"I see." Cisco jerked himself off of his desk, throwing himself at Harry's personal space. "So I'm just another science experiment to you, huh?"

"What? No- I'm just genially curious, Cisco. It's not like you have anyone to talk to about it."

"Excuse me?"

"Okay, all of this, it's rubbing off wrong. What I mean is, it doesn't seem like you talk about it much considering that you are extremely defensive about the situation." Cisco considered this, he understood where Harry was coming from but what was in it for him? What did Harry gain from all of this? Cisco pushed his luck, what's the worse that could happen, anyway?

"Look, Harry, I don't talk about it because the last time I did, I got disowned. My parents disowned me and left me alone with my aunt Anita. I had no one to talk to about this growing up and when I came to work here," Cisco glanced around his surroundings. "-At Star Labs- I just couldn't- I couldn't risk it, Harry. I couldn't risk any of them finding out, I didn't want it to happen all over again. To be honest, Harry, you're the first person to find  out since I told my parents." Cisco slightly smiled, his breathe pitched waiting for a response. Harry tilted his head in thought.

"Wow."

"Wow? Wow what?" Cisco feared for the worst.

"It's just weird? Not a bad weird, but a 'wow' weird. I'm the first to know?" Cisco nodded.

"This would be a lot more fascinating if I actually knew what it was." Harry continued.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you don't have it on Earth-2."

"N-I-My earth is Earth-1 not Eart-Doesn't matter, continue." Harry stuttered out, he folded his arms, resting against the desk across from Cisco's own.

"Anyway, I'm trans. It means that when I was born, I was born female, but as I grew older, I realized that I was indeed a male. I took medicine to block female puberty, behind my parents' backs of course, and have binded since then. And that about sums it up for you."

"Okay. Why would a parent disown you for being, well, you?"

"I don't know how about you ask them that?" Cisco joked.

"I will right now, what's their address?"

"Harry, my parents are dead. Gone. Deceased." Cisco rolled his eyes.

"You don't seem bothered by that" Harry said more as a statement then a question. He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.

"Uh, they disowned me! I don't have a problem with them being gone."

"Fair point."

"Look, Harry, I'd love to continue this conversation but it's like 2:00 A.M. so I gotta hit the hay, ya know?"

"I see, continue this tomorrow evening, 8:30 P.M.?" Harry asked in a monotone voice.

"Is that a date, Harry?" Cisco joked once more, smiling wide.

"Yes." Harry left the room without an answer, leaving Cisco stunned.