Chapter Text
He slowly opens his eyes, the bright lights and white room forcing them close. A groan escapes his lips as he blinks them open again to get familiar to the pain of the brightness. Pain, intense familiar pain sears through his body. The kind that comes after a hard, hopefully won, battle.
“Katsuki, you’re finally awake,” the ash blonde female says, voice too worried for him to recognize right away.
“Mom?” He tries turning his head to the left where the voice is coming from but pain jolts down his spine.
“Hey honey, don’t move too much,” she stands up so she’s in his sight. “You’ve been out for two days, your body’s probably still sore and trying to recover. Recovery Girl has already been in to see you so your body’s on its own now.” Her smile is weak.
“Two days, huh?” His voice is rough and dry. Now that he’s a little more aware of his surrounding, his eyes lazily move around the room, registering that he’s in the hospital. His ears are finally catching on to the soft humming and beeping of the machines to his side.
“You’ll be discharged in a week. The doctors wants to run a few tests before letting you go. I gotta run back home to get some things, but I’ll be back later.” She’s packing some of her belongs into her bag. “Are you gonna be okay?” She smiles weakly at him again.
“Mmm,” is the only response he gives before closing his eyes.
----
When he comes to again, it’s night time, the lights are dimmed and his body is definitely feeling a lot better. Still sore, but definitely more moveable now. He sighs and clenches his fists, just to make sure that he still has control of his body. His memory is a little hazy, he just remembers fighting with Endeavor against Shigaraki, who tried to break into the prison to save All for One.
“Where’s the goddamn remote?” He finally sits up, trying to search for the television remote to turn on the news.
“Katsuki?” He hears a sleepy mumble to his left and instantly turns his head that direction.
“Go back to sleep,” Katsuki loudly whispers to the redhead who’s rubbing his eyes.
“Mmm, how are you feeling?” He yawns to force the sleepiness away. “Sorry I couldn’t make it here sooner, it’s been pretty chaotic after the fight.”
Katsuki finally finds the tv remote and turns it on, instantly lowering the volume just to make sure that it wasn’t too loud. Good thing it has closed caption on it already.
‘Endeavor is finally in stable condition, but it seems like he’ll have to be forced to retire as well.’ ‘Tomura Shigaraki has the ability to erase quirks?’
“What happened?” Katsuki finally manages to say, voice shaking a little.
“Well, Shigaraki escaped, but All for One is still in custody. He wasn’t able to get him thanks to the other pro-heros, but-” his voice falters.
“What happened to Endeavor?”
Silence fills the room before Eijirou clears his throat. “Shigaraki erased his quirk with the bullets they got a hold of from Overhaul.”
Katsuki’s mouth falls open a little, his mind goes blank and into overdrive at the same time. Again. It’s his fault again that the number one hero is forced to retire. He’s a pro-hero this time yet he couldn’t do a damn thing again .
“Oh.” It’s the only thing that comes out of his mouth. His head hangs a little and his hands loosen their hold on the remote.
“He woke up yesterday, so he’s doing much better,” Eijirou tries to comfort. There’s silence as he tries to get a better look at Katsuki. “Hey,” he says much softer this time. “He’s doing much better, I think he’ll be fine…”
“Mmm” becomes Katsuki’s response again. He lays back down on the bed and turns to his side, away from Eijirou.
“If you need anything,” Eijirou reaches out his hand, hovering over Katsuki’s biceps, “I’ll be here until tomorrow afternoon.” He retracts his hand. “Anything at all, Katsuki,” it’s barely a whisper.
Silence continues to fill the room the rest of the night. Katsuki doesn’t feel like sleeping, he’s already slept for almost three days. The soft, even breathing behind him tells him that Eijirou has fallen asleep, though, so he finally shifts in bed to face him. The big windows behind the painfully slouched red-head doesn’t give off much details to Katsuki. All he can make out is his silhouette, the hair that’s falling over cause it’s probably been styled all day, the hanging head that’ll definitely have neck cramps in the morning and the small rise and fall of his shoulders with each breath. The blonde spends the entire night staring at the black silhouette.
He’s not sure when he fell asleep, but when he blinks his eyes open, the red-head is gone already and he’s still on his side, staring at the chair that was occupied.
“Sleep some more if you’re still tired, Katsuki.”
He shifts in bed to the other side, “Hey, dad.”
“Eijirou-kun bought some food for you before he left earlier. Are you hungry?” He’s shuffling at the table, pulling out more things from a paper bag.
“Mmm,” he replies, sitting up.
“He’s said he won’t be back till tomorrow, though.” Masaru finally turns around. “I brought you some of your favorite boxsets to keep you company.” He smiles sheepishly.
“Thanks,” Katsuki mumbles. He looks to the side where he sees a small note and, probably, the food that Eijirou had gotten. ‘Sorry it’s not much, but I got your favorite curry from our favorite hang out place’ , it says.
“Katsuki,” his dad says, walking to the bed. “You don’t have to numb anything out right now. It’s fine to let those initial emotions show.” The bed dips with his weight.
“Yea,” is his only response as he reaches over for the take out. “I know.”
“Alright,” his dad smiles a little. “Let me reheat that for you first.” He takes the bowl from Katsuki to the microwave in the corner of the room. “Anything else you’ve been dying to eat? I’ll be here for a few more hours.”
“Some alone time would be nice,” he mutters. His dad just laughs as he starts to hit the buttons on the nuke machine. Katsuki lets out a sigh he wasn’t even aware he was holding.
“If you really want me to leave, I will. I know you’re not a kid anymore and you don’t need us hovering all over you. I just want to make sure that you’re really okay first.”
“How’s Endeavor?” It’s the only thing that Katsuki can really think about.
“He’s going to make a public announcement in a few days here.”
“Mmm,” he’s not even sure what that answer means anymore, but it just keeps coming out of his mouth like that was something that he always said.
“Katsu-”
“I’m okay, dammit. You don’t need to ask me all the time,” he bites out, though it had no heat to it.
“Your friends want to visit you, too,” Masaru chuckles a little, grabbing the bowl from the microwave after it starts beeping. “I guess Eijirou-kun didn’t get the chance to ask you yesterday so he asked me to ask you when you woke up.” There’s a short silence that follows. “They’re all worried about you.”
“They’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“Mmm,” his dad responses this time. “You could use the company.”
“Fine,” he snaps. He knows he probably shouldn’t be left alone too long, as much as he wants to be. The lingering feelings of self-hate would only appear when the silence fills the room.
“Good, they’ve been waiting outside for the past hour,” Masaru laughs, scratching the back of his head. “I’ll let you guys be.” He hands the food over to Katsuki, placing it on the table in front of the bed.
“Wha-” before Katsuki could finish, his dad had already walked over to the door, gesturing for the others to enter.
“Blasty!” Denki and Ashido shouted in unison, bursting into the room. Hanta followed after with the same smile he always carried.
“We were so worried about you!” Ashido shouted, practically jumping over to him and onto his bed, making sure not to hit the table, and wrapping her arms around his neck.
“Get off!” He tried to pry her arms off his neck.
“We knew you wouldn’t go down in something like that, but boy did you have us worried!” Denki joined in on the hugging.
“Hey!” He tried shoving more, but he hadn’t eaten in almost four days and his body didn’t have the energy to keep fighting.
“Alright, alright. You two stop clinging onto him, he’s trying to eat,” Hanata, the only logical one by Katsuki’s standards, said. He made no move to help Katsuki pry them off himself, though, so he wasn’t much help in the end.
----
Denki’s laugh was the loudest, next to Eijirou’s but he wasn’t there, as he slapped his knee for dramatic effects. “Yea, and remember the school festival? Katsuki practically blew up that drum set on stage!” He’s wiping the tears forming in his eyes as they continue to talk about their high school days.
“I can’t believe that Eri-chan liked you so much because of that,” Ashido giggled. “She always looked at you with those sparkles in her eyes, it was so cute.”
“Eri wasn’t the only one looking at him with sparkling eyes though,” Hanta said, laughing at the memory too. “Ei only had eyes for-” His thigh was slapped by Ashido before he realized what he was really saying.
“-the...stage…” He tried to save. “Because of course…” He slowly turned to the side, looking at Denki and Ashido. “...of course that was where our eyes were suppose to be at. Since,” he clears his throat, turning back to Katsuki, “it was the stage…” He’d done it now. Eijirou had told them that he wasn’t planning on confessing to Katsuki since they were all just starting off their careers and here Hanta was, the logical one, spilling the beans.
Katsuki turns away from the three, “You guys weren’t half bad yourselves, with the dancing and shaved ice effect,” he mumbles, trying to play along with them like he didn’t notice what they were trying to do. Sure, he didn’t really know Eijirou’s feelings towards him, but he understood enough that if they got distracted now, it’ll only hinder their career.
“I’m so happy, Blasty. You’ve been getting so much better at complimenting us!” Ashido almost jumped up into a hug again, but refrained. “Like, actual compliment.”
“Shut up or else you won’t be hearing it anymore,” he mumbled. It wasn’t like he was working on a ‘better image’, he’s just learning some basics of how friendship is suppose to work. Yeah, he understands that his friends like him the way he is, that he doesn’t have to change for them, but knowing that they deserve better makes him want to be better, just for them only, though.
They continued to talk about their high school days, which Katsuki was thankful for cause it kept his mind distracted from the commotion of outside, which he knew that he’d have to face in a few more days.
“Ei said he’ll come here right after work to join us.” Denki puts down his phone after a quick reply to Eijirou.
“It’s been awhile since all of us has hung out together,” Ashido pouts. “Kinda sucks that it’s because of something like this though. We should all go get something to eat after you get released.”
“Mmm,” that answer finds its way out of his mouth again.
The day drags on as the three continued to chatter, occasionally dragging Katsuki into the conversation for a forced answer as they waited for Eijirou to join. After much complaining of being hungry, Denki was finally able to convince Hanta to accompany him to the cafetiera to grab food for all four of them.
----
It’s well past 2am now and the three nuisances are finally leaving. Eijirou walks with them to the hospital entrance while Katsuki had long passed out. “Thanks for coming out to keep him company, guys.”
“Ei,” Ashido puts a hand on his shoulders, “We’re his friends too.”
“Yea, we were worried about him too, so don’t even mention it” Denki comments, walking ahead of them.
“Are you planning on staying with him the rest of the night?” Hanta asks, and Eijirou nods. “Good, I’m sure he needs the company right now. Are you working tomorrow?”
“No, I took it off cause I didn’t want him to watch Endeavor’s speech alone.” He sighs. “I actually don’t want him to watch it at all, but I know that’s going to. I mean, I know that it’s part of the job to have to deal with this, but - “ He sighs again. “It’s just so different when you’re the one going through it.”
The walk back to the room felt too long away from Katsuki, yet not enough time to clear his mind of the worries that’s been fogging it.
“What time is it?” He hears a mumble as he shuts the door with a click.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” He quietly walks over to the bedside. “It’s still pretty early, you should go back to sleep.”
“Are you staying?” Katsuki rubs his eyes and yawns, turning his head to the side to look at Eijirou. “You look fucking awful.” His ruby eyes scans the face of the red-head. “Come on, get in bed too. I bet your body ached after sleeping in that position all night.” He scoots over in the small bed to make room for Eijirou. The bed wouldn’t be comfortable for two well built guys to be sleeping in it together, but Katsuki wasn’t going to let Eijirou spend the night and sleep in that chair again.
Eijirou lets out a chuckle, “It’s okay, I’ll just sleep on the chair again.” He goes to move around the bed but his wrist gets caught in Katsuki’s calloused hand. There’s a moment of silence before he sighs in defeat and smiles. “Alright, I’ll sleep in the bed.”
This brings back all those high school nights when they both had nightmares and ended up sharing a bed together. The only way they knew how to comfort each other where awkward words didn’t need to be shared, the only way they really knew how to express ‘I’m here for you’ without making the other feel inferior.
----
“Eijirou,” Katsuki whispers, no reply. “Hey,” he tries again. Still no reply. Of course Eijirou would be asleep, he’s been out there doing a full day’s worth of hero work while Katsuki spent his last couple of days laying in a bed. He has to use the bathroom anyway, so he shifts awkwardly to get off the bed.
Must be fucking exhausted. He thinks, looking back at the peacefully sleeping figure. He waddles his way to the connected bathroom and makes sure the door’s completely closed before turning on the light. He releases a sigh he didn’t know he was holding.
After washing his hands, he leans against the bathroom wall. “Fuck.” He almost sobs into his hands as he slides down. “Again. Again…” He pulls at his hair angrily, gritting his teeth to hold in all the emotions tempting to spill over. As much as he appreciated the consistent company, he’s barely had any time to think about what’s happened and what’s going to happen from here on out.
Katsuki, keep it together. Don’t think. Don’t think. Please don’t think about it. He tries, but the more he tells himself to clear his mind, the more the self-hatred only invades. Him. All the fingers are pointing back to him. If he wasn’t there, if he did something differently, if he was stronger, better, more cooperative, more like... Deku…
A small tear rolls down his cheek, that’s all he’ll allow himself. After all, it wasn’t him that lost his quirk. If he was Deku, the one that All Might had entrusted One for All to, he probably would’ve been able to do something, anything , to stop the quirk erasing bullets, to stop Shigaraki. Of course, of course he’ll never be able to match up to Deku when it comes down to it, of course Deku would always one up him.
----
When he comes to, his neck is killing him as he tries to straighten it. Fuck, he fell asleep on the chair that he told Eijirou not to sleep in. He moves slightly to get the blood flowing in his body and all his joints pop. Luckily, Eijirou is still sleeping. He must’ve really been exhausted. He looks at the time, almost 10am, almost time for Endeavor’s speech. He turns on the television, presses the mute button and just continues staring at the screen as they continued to report about the recovery of the city and the rest of the casualties.
His eyes doesn’t really focus till he sees Endeavor on the screen, in a wheelchair, still scarred and bandaged from the battle, in casual clothes and looking like he hasn’t slept in days. He gets rolled to the podium that’s in the center and Katsuki sees his mouth open.
Good afternoon, I just want to start off saying thank you to all the heros that helped out during the invasion and all the civilians that helped with the rescue during and after. Katsuki reads the captions. He notices that Endeavor’s expression doesn’t change much, like he’s rehearsed this several times, yet it lacks the energy that he normally carries with him in battle.
Events like this only reminds us that we still stand stronger and that the league will never be able to stop us. It’s only been five years since All Might’s fight with All for One, but in those five years, we’ve only grown more in numbers and strength. Ground Zero did an amazing job providing back up before the other heros showed up, holding back the league twice now.
He wants to cry again. Endeavor isn’t talking about the casualties, but instead is giving a message of encouragement. Of course, what else was Katsuki thinking would happen? He’s a pro-hero, someone that’s suppose to be giving messages of strength and togetherness, not talking about all the losses. He doesn’t, Katsuki doesn’t deserve this. He deserves to be told to get stronger, to get better, that he failed and the result was the fall of the number one hero again.
He hears some shuffling coming from the bed, a soft mumble followed by a whine. He spares Eijirou a side glance, watching him open his eyes and goan. Katsuki shifts his eyes back to the screen to continue reading.
“Morning.”
“What time is it?” Eijirou looks like he’s trying to cuddle closer to the bed.
“10:25”
“It’s that late already?” He groggily replied, trying to sink deeper into the bed. Then something snaps in his brain and he instantly sits up, now wide eyed and aware that he’s in the hospital, sleeping on the hospital bed while Katsuki sat in the chair, watching Endeavor on screen. “Shit.”
“It’s okay, you can go back to sleep. I’m sure you’re plenty exhausted from the last few days of work,” is the only reply that Katsuki can give. He tries to even out his tone to make it seem like he didn’t just want to cry a few moments ago.
“Katsu - “ Eijirou cuts himself off as he looks over to his face, crimson eyes still glassy from the tears that he refused to let fall. “Sorry, I wanted to watch this with you.” He ruffles his unstyled hair with a sigh.
And with that, I just want to say that I won’t be retiring after I heal up. I have every intention to keep fighting villains and standing side by side against the other heros. Like Lemillion, we heros will not go down that easily.
“Nothing to apologize for,” his voice quivers a little. He’s not sure if he feels relieved that Endeavor is refusing to retire, but it doesn’t matter anyway, because it’s still his fault. Endeavor is eventually strolled behind the curtains and the host walks back to the podium.
Silence fills the room again except for the light static that the television gives off, even though it’s on mute. It seems like everyone is having an awkward time talking to Katsuki, not that he minds at all. He continues to stare at the screen, no longer paying attention but not wanting to look over to Eijirou.
“Are you hungry?” Eijirou finally asks, trying to break the ice.
“No, I already ate,” He lies. He’s just not sure if he can stand having to be with another person now. “You go ahead, I’ll still be here.”
“I’ll just go grab something quick and I’ll be right back.”
“Eat there.”
“But - “
“I don’t need a damn babysitter, Eiji. I’m fine by myself,” He finally huffs out, still refusing to turn to look at him.
“Okay,” Eijirou responds, dejected. He slowly shuffles out of bed, going into the bathroom to wash up first.
“You guys have done enough for me already, you don’t have to worry so much,” Katsuki says before Eijirou steps out of the door. Silence again. Katsuki doesn’t know what else to do, what else to say. What does everyone want from him in a time like this? He’s hoping to be able to go home and lock himself away for awhile once he’s given the okay to leave.
It’s not like he wants to push Eijirou away, he knows that he should depend on people more, and he’s been doing much better since his first year. But having this all happen again is just bringing him back to his old self, when he watched All Might’s last fight, when he fought against Izuku for his right to be a hero, his reasoning on what a hero is, what they do, what they should be capable of.
“Thanks, Eijirou, for spending time with me here,” He finally manages to say to the redhead who hadn’t moved an inch after Katsuki’s last statement. “And for worrying about me.”
“That’s what friends are for, Katsuki,” Eijirou finally says, turning around to smile at him. “I know that you’ll be fine, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you, we’re all here, if you need someone. If you need to talk or just be distracted, we’re here, Katsuki, because we’re your friends.” There’s no resentment in his voice, no judging, no harshness, just acceptance and knowing.
----
The nurse was just leaving the room as Eijirou turned the corner in the hallway. She turns to smile at him, giving him a bow before turning to walk the other way. Eijirou takes shorter, slower strides to the room. He reaches for the door and lets out a breathe before opening it. Katsuki turns to face the door, stares for a few seconds before giving a small nod and turning back to the television that now has a low volume.
“Did you just finish with a check up?”
“Yea, they said I could be released tomorrow, thank fuck,” He responds, not turning to Eijirou again.
“And when can you return to work?”
“Two weeks.”
“Ah,” Eijirou says in acknowledgement as he sits down in a chair on the side of the bed. “I’ll visit you at home.” No response. “I’m back to work tomorrow, so I can’t pick you up, but I’ll definitely visit you on my day off.”
“You slept like a fucking rock last night, make sure to take care of yourself first, idiot.” His voice doesn’t contain any heat, it’s almost void of any emotions at all.
“I’m going to visit you, Katsuki.” No response. “Katsuki.”
“Mmm,” there that response is again. “Fine,” He finally musters out. It’s been years since things have gotten to this level of awkwardness around them. Usually, Eijirou was able to break the ice, or Katsuki would finally give in, but this time, it seems like nothing is going to happen.
Eijirou knows, he knows that Katsuki goes silent when he’s thinking, when he’s over thinking, just like that time with All Might, when they moved into the dorms, just like that time when he failed the license exam, when Eijirou had returned from the undercover raid and so many more times. Eijirou knows that at times like this, he can’t do anything for Katsuki except distract him from his thoughts.
“Wanna go walk outside for a little bit?” Katsuki turns to look at him, finally. A moment of silence follows before Katsuki nods. He shuffles out of bed to put on a jacket that his parents had brought so his back wouldn’t be too exposed.
They walk down the quiet hallway side by side, Eijirou walking a little closer so their shoulders brush every other step. Katsuki doesn’t mention the contact at all, just keeps his eyes forward. Eijirou tests the waters and allows their hands to brush, Katsuki stiffens and almost trips over himself, but still doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look at Eijirou. He brushes their hands again and this time, Katsuki pulls his hand away, but after a few seconds, it falls back to his side. So Eijirou lets it brush again.
“You’re doing that on purpose, shitty hair,” He growls out, not retracting his hand this time. “Stop it.”
Eijirou laughs, “But you always do that for me when I’m feeling down.” And Katsuki realizes that it’s been awhile since he’s seen Eijirou’s smile, heard his laugh. Katsuki doesn’t say anything else, just lets their hands swing, touching for less than a second as they pass each other with each swing. They finally reached the front doors, and in the middle of the ‘patient pick-up’ was a huge, round, garden with a small pathway right in the middle and flowers almost as tall as Eijirou on both sides.
“I bet it feels nice to finally get some fresh air, huh?” Eijirou takes in a deep breathe and stretches his arms like he’s the one that’s been cooped up inside the hospital for the last five days.
“I wish I could go mountain climbing,” Katsuki looks up to the sky like that’s where the mountains are. He lets out a small breathe and closes his eyes to take in the warmth of the sun and the breeze of the wind.
“We should go together on my next day off.” Eijirou looks up to the sky as well, a small smile on his face.
----
The next morning Katsuki’s signing his release papers, made no phone calls to his parents, no calls to his friends. He has a bag with his belongings that his parents brought over and a separate bag for his tattered hero costume that he came in. He bids the nurse farewell before heading out the door, a small, mumbled thank you and a bow. He decides to walk home instead of taking the train or a taxi, he needs to work his legs anyway and the space to himself seemed more calming than being crammed with others or being forced to talk to a driver.
When he reaches home, he’s completely exhausted. He just wants to sleep, but what a waste it would be since that was all he had been doing for the last few days. He drops the bags he’s been carrying next to his sofa in his living room and goes straight into his bedroom. He starts digging through his closet for his hiking backpack. With a huff, he pulls out some clothes to fold and throw into the backpack. After packing one extra pairs of clothes and putting on compressions, he heads back to his kitchen to grab a bite to eat. It’s been awhile since he last had a proper meal that wasn’t bland.
A part of him wants to call Eijirou, but he knows that he’s probably at work. Katsuki wants, he needs time alone right now anyway, so he decides against it. Tomorrow, after Eijirou rests up, Katsuki is sure that he’s going to check the hospital for him. He’s wants to head out by tonight to make sure that no one will know where he’s going. He needs to do this, at least for himself. Figure himself out and center himself again. He knows that he’s depend on Eijirou too much these past few years, his self-proclaimed ‘squad’ has been telling him to depend on them more, and he tries, but there’s so many weaknesses in him that he’s not yet ready to expose.
----
Before sunset, he heads out. Deciding to take the train this time since it’s well pass rush hour and his destination is an hour and a half train ride away. He doesn’t look as crazy as he feels since it’s not quite hot out anymore. Maybe it’s because they’ve been talking about him on the news too that he feels a little more self-conscious than usual. He pulls his hood up and covers his face, puts in his ear buds and stares out the window. He has music blasting, his thoughts are racing, but his mind is so blank, he can almost hear the music echoing in his head. He looks at the landscape pass by and slowly exhales, slouching further into his seat. Thankfully he’s presented himself as unapproachable enough that everyone has left him alone for the whole duration of the ride. He’s the only one to get off at his stop, probably the only one crazy enough to hike at the time of day.
A smile crawls it’s way onto his face without him even realizing it as he took in the sight of the large mountain. The sun is barely showing above the landscape, so the night chill is definitely settling in already. His breathe comes out in small white puffs before he hikes his backpack further up his back. He starts moving his legs uphill and already his mind is clearing, he starts to feel better already with his mind solely focused on the top of the mountain. He climbs in silence and it’s the most peaceful that he’s felt in weeks. Hours go by before he even considers taking a break, with the stars now shining the way for him, he stops at a small flat area to look over the mountain. Sweat is plastering his hair to his forehead, dripping down his sideburns before he takes his sleeve to wipe at it.
It’s beautiful , he thinks to himself. He decides to set up camp there for the night, looking at the stars are calming his nerves and clearing his mind enough to allow him to think properly about the events that lead up to what had happened.