Work Text:
The sun brightly shone through the windows of the luxury suite as Noctis stirred slightly on the big bed. He turned, causing his face to be directly hit by the bright rays and eyes shut by reflex. How could he possibly be caring about the sun shining so brightly ( with possibly beautiful weather outside ), when there was such a storm raging inside his heart? Arms stretched out, with the rest of his limbs closely following. The pain he’d felt from the injuries sustained in the battle against the Hydraean was almost gone, just a bit more rest and he could continue on --- physically, that is. But mentally? He couldn’t even tell. The storm within him echoed louder than anything else, anything that would make sense, anything reasonable. It’s like he was drowning in it, with no strength left to fight against the tidal waves swallowing him whole.
In an attempt to escape the sunlight, Noctis rolled over to face the opposite direction, however --- this only directed his gaze to the notebook again, the one he had shared with Lunafreya for twelve years. Who would think that this small book could hold so many memories? Noctis wanted to reach out and take it, look through the pages once more to reminisce, but his heart felt heavy at the thought alone. He tried to tell himself not to look at it, yet his gaze was fixated on it, laying there on the nightstand. He tried not to reach out for it, but his arm and hand seemed to have a mind of their own.
Once the book was in his hands, Noctis sat up. For a good minute, he merely held it in his hands, unopened, his thumb caressing the worn down material of the notebook’s shell. Finally, after taking a shaky inhale, he opened the very first page. The sylleblossom was still there, from the day Luna had given the book to Noctis back in Tenebrae. Even if it too, like the book itself, looked a bit worn down, it was still pretty.
The next pages were filled with mostly stickers, some post its and short folded letters from not too long after Noctis had returned home --- though, fled home might be a better way to put it. Still, looking at those pages put a tiny smile on his face, for his handwriting was all messy, and he was still learning how to properly spell some words. And sometimes he didn’t even know how to put what he wanted to say into words, so he’d hoped that stickers would do. He had sent Luna some sheets too, once in a while, though she didn’t seem to use them as much as he did. Her beautiful handwriting always kind of stuck out on its own between all the pages.
Noctis kept turning the pages, lingering on one or the other for a while in between. Even if most of the letters and all the photos they’d sent each other had been taken out and kept ( of course, Luna kept Noctis’ and Noctis kept Luna’s ), there were still a few folded letters stuck between the pages, though Noctis didn’t have the courage to open and re-read them. Not when there was still what felt like a gushing open wound right in the middle of his heart.
Eventually, he reached Luna’s last entry again. A single sylleblossom, taped to the paper. Noctis’ heart sunk as he blankly stared at the page. He didn’t want to believe she was gone when he only barely reached her physically again after all this time. But of course, he knew the truth, and it hurt. If she really had survived, she would be with him now, wouldn’t she? They would finally be reunited, as they always hoped and talked about in their messages.
Noctis sniffled silently as he reached towards the nightstand to grab a pen, then he turned the page with the sylleblossom. His hand trembled slightly, but he began to write anyway.
I miss you.
Tears welled in his eyes and he sniffled again, more audibly this time.
I miss you so much.
A tear dropped onto the paper.
I wish you were here...
He trembled more, causing his writing to become messy.
...with me now.
An audible sob escaped from Noctis and he dropped the pen, which fell to the floor. Eyes clenched shut, causing more tears to fall and soak into the page, hitting some of the words he had just written. He cried. And even if he tried not to let it out, he couldn’t control it. The weight of his aching heart could be audibly heard in the way he sobbed, and the more tears dropped, the less he cared if someone barged in, seeing him as vulnerable as he was in this moment, and the less he cared about anything other than how much he wanted his Luna back. There was nothing he wouldn’t do. Give him a time machine and no matter how big the risk, he would try to save her --- and if he would have to die so she could live, he would gladly accept, but only if it was the last option left. The goal was to be together after all, it didn’t matter in what way --- because then, at least, Noctis would’ve been able to tell her what he felt for her.
But in this moment, all he felt was how much he missed her.
Still sobbing and with reddened wet eyes, Noctis picked the pen up from the floor again. He didn’t care if his writing was messy, or if the pages got soaked with his own damn tears. He felt the urge to write down what he felt and he won’t suppress it now. He couldn’t even, being as overwhelmed with emotions as he was.
In the end, both pages he had open before him were covered by repititions of his first few sentences, mostly ‘I miss you’s. The sobbing quieted down, though Noctis still sniffled, for all the crying made his nose runny. His eyes were red, and his cheeks felt odd from the dried and almost dried tears. He couldn’t place how he felt, all he could do was stare at the messy handwriting, further messed up by his tears, that covered the notebook pages now.
As if reading the lines aloud, he muttered “I miss you, Luna...” with a hoarse voice.
“I miss you so much... All I wanted... was to save you from the Empire. I’m sorry... I failed you... But I will keep my promise... I swear.”
And maybe one day, they could finally be together.