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“You are a woman of compassion. Would you trap us here another hundred lifetimes?”
Glasvahl’s words haunted the Watcher as she made her way back through the halls towards Noonfrost’s entrance. The group had snuck in clandestinely under Adira’s guidance, but that was no longer an option for their exit. Even if their presence had remained unknown up to that point, it wouldn’t have stayed so as Adira had thrown away any pretense of stealth and had chosen to walk out for all to see.
With slow, heavy footsteps she made her way through Rymrgand’s temple, wrestling with her conscience over the choice she had just made, and reliving the fallout from her actions. Perhaps if she hadn’t been so tired, she could have found a different way. If the weight of her journey hadn’t already been pressing down on her overburdened shoulders, could she have chosen another way?
Two months ago, even two weeks ago, she would have, without question, handed over Rymrgand’s crystal. Happily, she would have given the Glamfellen they key that would allow them through the Frost-Hewn Breach to end their eternal cycle and their suffering. Her desperation to end her torment had stayed her hand, and she’d kept the crystal for herself, to close the breach and gain the favour of a god who promised salvation to his followers but never delivered.
Adira had tried, somewhat half-heartedly, to sway the pale elves from their mission. Her argument that they couldn’t know the will of their god had fallen on deaf ears. Could she blame them? They’d come so far to his temple to see an end to their trials and the words of one Watcher with an agenda of her own wouldn’t sway them.
She understood their motivations far more than they realized. Wasn’t she doing precisely the same thing? Now that she was so close to finding Thaos, to getting the answers she needed, if not the ending she’d originally set out for, there was apparently nothing she wouldn’t do to complete her mission.
And so, for the fourth time in as many days, she’d chosen the violent path the resolve the conflict. She’d leapt into battle, showing the compassion that normally guided her actions down into the dark recesses of her Awakened soul. And for what? To gain yet another god’s favour as she prepared for her final confrontation.
An exhausted fog flowed over her mind, muddying her thoughts and blurring her steps. The sounds of battle rang out behind her, but she kept on, leaving her companions to fight their way out after her. She ignored their voices as they called to her over the din. They didn’t need her. They would make it out, but it didn’t matter.
Nothing mattered.
She was so tired.
She exited the temple silently, a different woman than the one who’d entered only a short while earlier. Her feet carried her slowly away from Noonfrost, each step taken as though it were a tremendous effort. The bow in her hand slipped from her fingers and clattered to the ground, followed by one dagger, then a second.
She didn’t look back.
Numb fingers loosened her bracers, pulling them free and letting them drop. Her quiver, empty of all but one arrow followed suit, as did her belt and her helm. The clasp of her cloak proved stubborn, but yielded all the same and fell, discarded behind her.
Her feet only stopped when the path before her disappeared. She stood there alone, head bowed until he caught up with her. The farmer’s hand that held her elbow was gentle and didn’t attempt to turn her.
“I’m tired.”
“I know.” His voice was soft and non-judgemental. It was far more than she knew she deserved. “We’ll fix it.”
“What if we can’t?” It was the one question they’d never spoken aloud to each other even though they’d both asked it of themselves.
“We will.”
“What if we can’t?”
“We will.”
With a heavy sigh, she leaned against him, feeling comfort for the first time as his arm came around her shoulders. It was almost too hard to believe in anything anymore, but she believed in him. And he believed in her, so maybe that was enough to get her through to the end.
Until she could sleep.