Chapter Text
The night was bright, with the large, blanched moon lighting up the streets of London like a set. It’s dancing light touched every street, every ripple of water in the Thames, every road. A slight cold wind blew the amber, wrinkling leaves down the paths, and such a natural sound contrasted heavily with the urban voice of the city.
Everything seemed surreal to Benji as he let himself into his apartment in Camden, like this was all a huge hallucination. He had felt like this for a week or so, ever since he had finally been forced by Will to take some time off. Having nowhere else to go, he had of course made his way back to London, and it all felt odd. After all, the last time he had been here, he had interrogated a terrorist, captured, then proceeded to get into a gun fight with an extremist and lost his superior to a knife.
But now he was just here on ‘holiday.’
No city to save, no weapons to disarm, no Ethan to run about after. Benji wasn’t sure if it was relaxing or tense. Sometimes it felt good, knowing for once he was as powerless as everyone else on the streets, he could be normal again. He could enjoy going into shops and just- shop. He could go to whatever restaurant he wanted and order whatever he fancied. Or he could stay in and do nothing. Because he was free. But, at night, he would think long and hard, over a glass of brandy, about how he was wasn’t free, or normal in the slightest. And he knew, no matter how much he pretended to be at day, he never would be.
His apartment was cold he realised, so he instantly turned up the heating. After locking his door, he dropped his keys in his basket and kicked off his sues. Not for the first time in the week he reached into his back pocket to put his gun away, but ended up grasping at air. He sighed audibly, and then wandered over to the kitchen, still refusing to take off his coat until it warmed up more.
He flicked on the lamp, and screamed loudly. Because, there was Ethan, sitting at the small table in the corner, swilling around a glass of fire coloured liquid. Benji breathed out deeply, and leaned heavily against the countertop, heart going at a million miles an hour. He hadn’t even heard Ethan, let alone seen him until he’d turned on that light, and for a very split second, Benji had thought it was someone else.
“Ethan!” He breathed. “Bloody hell you almost gave me a heart attack!”
Ethan’s willow coloured eyes stared back at him lazily, and he smiled lopsidedly at his friend.
“Hey Benji!” He waved, before looking back down at his drink.
Benji cocked his head slightly, surely Ethan wasn’t…… drunk? He couldn’t be, never had Benji even seen Ethan out of work, but he knew him well enough to know Ethan never let his guard down. Ever. Maybe he was drugged? That couldn’t be good.
“Are you okay?” Benji stuttered, his breathing still calming down.
“No Benji.” Ethan sighed, and he laid his head on the table. “Brant made me take some time off.” This definitely came out as a whine, and Benji couldn’t help but compare Ethan to a toddler. What was going on?
“But I feel better now you’re here!” He added, and got up suddenly, with sloppy and awkward movements.
“Ethan, are you drunk?” Benji asked, already really knowing the answer, because by now he had seen the empty bottle behind him. Ethan considered this for a good five seconds, looking back and forth between the bottle of whatever it had been on the table, and Benji. The blonde raised his eyebrows.
“Probably.” The agent finally concluded. “I drank all of that.” He pointed offensively at the bottle, and glared at it, like it was somehow all it’s fault. “But you’re here now!”
“Yes- about that. Why are you here? How the fuck do you even know where-“
“Shhhhhhhhh.” Ethan giggled, after interrupting his friend. Benji was rather startled at this, Ethan was probably the furthest you could get from a giggle- yet here he was.
“I got in through the window.” He said. “It hurt.”
“Hm. And what was wrong with waiting at the door until I turned up?”
Ethan shrugged, and Benji placed his head in his hands. This was going to be a long night he could tell.
“But I needed to see you now!”
“That doesn’t even make sense.” Benji huffed, and he dropped his coat to the floor after pulling it off.
“You don’t make - hic!- sense.”
“Okay. Time for bed I think.” Benji was about to walk over to Ethan to help him up, but before he could, Ethan shook his head.
“No.”
And just like that, Ethan was the one advancing towards him. Although sloppy and clumsy, his long legs made light work of the distance between them, and within three steps he was at Benji’s side. Benji bristled, he was slightly scared of Ethan at the moment, although he seemed happy enough, (at the moment anyway) he was still a very drunk man operating an extremely powerful body, a body Benji knew he didn’t stand a chance against in a fight.
“Benji…” Ethan hiccuped, his words sliding into each other. His accent was particularly thick, and its rough voice sent shivers down the technicians spine, just as it always did. Ethans eyes were fixated on Benji, and he was looking at him in a way Benji couldn’t read. None of this made sense to Benji, and he was starting to get very confused.
“Are you listening to me? Let's get you to bed- yes.”
“But I don’t want to go to bed. Not without you anyway.”
Benji spluttered. “Now who’s the one who doesn’t make sense. C’mon!” He tugged lightly at Ethan’s shirt and started to make his way towards his bedroom, and that was his first mistake. Ethan grabbed Benji’s outstretched hand and spun him around as fast as a bullet, before slamming his body into the wall. Benji let out a loud yelp- beyond startled. For once, he actually pitied all the people who had been on the wrong side of this man before.
“Ethan?”
The dark haired man in question lent into Benji, confusing the blonde entirely. What was Ethan doing? Should he be pushing back? But this was Ethan- Ethan would never hurt him…..
Benji didn’t question how good it felt to have Ethan so damn close either, or how Benji wanted to do nothing but bring him closer.. Ethan was drunk- extremely drunk, and his actions could not be accounted for after all.
“Ethan, you’re drunk! Get off, come on…” Benji attempted again, not really meaning it. He was about to say something again, when Ethan’s lips were suddenly firm against his. In the few seconds it took Benji to actually comprehend what was happening and for his eyes to fly open, Ethan had started to move his mouth against Benji’s.
Benji felt like he was having an aneurysm.
‘What the everlasting fuck?” Was about the most intelligent sentence he could think of.
In his panic, he instantly tried to push Ethan off, but the older man was far too strong and not having any of it. And this was a huge problem, because Benji was starting to enjoy it now he knew what was going on. He was warm, and soft, and open and inviting and everything Banji could ever want. No matter that Ethan tasted so heavily of alcohol Benji thought he would get drunk himself just being kissed, and no matter it was sloppy and uncalculated. It was still Ethan. Benji relaxed slightly, and Ethan must have noticed, because he was being more firm and rapid with his movements. Benji pressed back ever so slightly, knowing it was wrong, it was so so wrong.
Ethan probably didn’t even want this, he was delusional, confused, drunk! When had Ethan ever felt this way about Benji- never! He should stop. He needed to stop.
He couldn’t.
Then there was a flicker of Ethan’s tongue, and Benji fell apart. He was only human, and could only take so much before temptation gave in. He started kissing back hungrily, and Ethan noticed because he smiled lazily into Benji’s mouth, before licking it open. Benji smiled too, and let out a small whimper. He had fantasized about this for years, and now it was finally happening and, God, even though Ethan was drunk, he was skilled at what he did. If it hadn't been for him holding Benji up to the wall, Benji’s knees would have buckled and given way. He was shaking too, but Ethan didn’t seem to care- he just kept going. He moved from Benji’s mouth and trailed wet, open mouthed kisses down Benji’s neck, and, if it were possible, pressed even further into Benji. Benji weaved his hands through Ethan’s hair, and closed his eyes. Benji was close to tears, though he couldn’t say why. The salted water was rapidly collecting at his eyes and threatening to drip down onto the brunette below him.
He could get used to this. Quite happily. Ethan was brilliant at what he was doing to Benji, he was fast and experienced.
Then Ethan moaned, a loud, deep noise that shook Benji to the very core. It woke him up, and his eyes flew open again.
No. No, this wasn’t fair on Ethan.
He stopped.
He pushed Ethan off, successfully this time, and moved as soon as possible from his position on the wall, incase Ethan backed him up against it again. He skittered across the room, feeling very much like a vulnerable child, and- still breathing heavily - let out a sob.
“Benji?” Ethan cocked his head, and once again started to make his way over. Benji was shaking now, his entire body trembling with fear. He had taken advantage of Ethan. That was what he had done, and how awful did that sound? The confusing thing was, Ethan didn’t even seem to give much of a shit, he still looked at Benji in that funny way, and just kept advancing. He didn’t even look angry.
“No!” He choked. “Stay there Ethan! You don’t know what you’re doing. Please, just go away. I’ve made this difficult as it is.”
“But-“
“NO!” Benji spat. “You go to my room right now- and get to bed! I don’t want to talk anymore.” He out his head in his hands to try and hide his face from Ethan, but he didn’t miss the utter look of anguish on his friends face. Benji watched through his fingers in distress as Ethan begrudgingly plodded out the room, with his feet dragging behind every large step he took. If Benji didn’t know better- he’d think Ethan was like a child denied a sweet.
Once he was gone, Benji brought his hands down from his face and finally allowed the tears to start spilling down his face. He could feel himself heating up (he always got blotchy when crying), and his nose started running too. It just wasn’t fair. He loved Ethan, but he had long since accepted he was never going to get him, and in a way he was content with that. He had taken it in his stride and learnt to live with it.
But now……
Now it was awful. He had had a taste- and he wanted more. More of Ethan in every way, but he couldn’t have him. This must be some awful punishment, Heavens way of making him pay for ever loving Ethan in the first place he thaught. He felt so at war with himself. His body was aroused and hungry for more, while his mind wanted to just curl up into a ball on the dark kitchen floor and cry. He chose the latter.
He slumped down, and coiled in on himself, like a woodlouse terrified for its life. The floor was cold, and harsh, but a far better option than the carpet in the other room. He knew he wasn’t being quiet about his crying- but he didn’t give a shit. If Ethan heard- he heard.
Benji- not wanting to think at all, focused on the sound of the wind outside his window. It had gotten a lot stronger now- a loud, eerie noise that drowned out the choked sobs coming from his throat. His tears were forming a small puddle in the crack between the tile his face was resting on, and Benji looked at them and wondered if Ethan was crying too.
Probably not. The older agent hardly even seemed conscious of his actions at all. He was most likely sound asleep in Benji’s bed by now. What would happen when morning came? Everything would be ruined most likely. And Benji would be left alone again.
He didn’t want to be alone! He curled up tighter, and wiped his nose on his knee which was pressed up to his face. He never got anything right did he? Ethan didn’t like him back- of course he didn’t. This was all a stupid drunken encounter, and Benji had been an idiot to give in.
He had been right about one thing though; this was going to be a bloody long night.
He didn’t fall asleep until early morning.