Chapter Text
The Boyz were just finished with their last comeback, the first one with Hwall, and they were already preparing for the next one. They hadn't promoted for very long, only five weeks, but they were exhausted. Everyone still gave their all during practice, but they were a little on edge.
"Hyunjoon, pay attention. You're already behind because of your physical therapy, so can you at least pay attention to what we are doing here?" Changmin was a little irritated to say the least. Everyone was ahead of schedule except for Hyunjoon. He couldn't get one move down and they all had to stay late because of that. He knew that the younger had more problems with footwork ever since the surgery, but he was tired and his mind clouded.
"If you really want to be an idol, act like one. You can't sing and you're not one of our best rappers. You're only here because of your looks and your dancing. If you can't dance, then what? Are you ever going to take responsibility and stop acting like a baby!" Sangyeon snapped.
"I ..."
"Don't deny it, Hyunjoon, you're lacking in everything. Act mature and suck it up. Your free day is revoked by the way. You need to train harder and polish your skills. Stay also at least an hour later to practice. If I see you home any earlier or if I hear that you left the building, you're going to regret it. What? Do you think you can't do it? Is that why you are panicking? You're the least skilled out of all twelve of us and you work the least. Giddy up promotions were a lot more fun and a lot better because you weren't there." Sangyeon kept going.
Hyunjoon whimpered softly and bit his lip to stop more sounds from escaping.
"So, you're going to be pathetic and cry? I expected better of you, you're older than me and you cry because of this? What a baby." Sunwoo talked this time.
Deep down they knew it was wrong, but they were too tired, angry and frustrated to think about that.
"Don't you think we should calm down and talk it out like civilised people?" Juyeon asked, sensing that the conversation had taken a completely wrong turn. "And don't cancel Joonie's day off, he hasn't had one in over two months."
It was true, while they got rest days from time to time, there was always something to do or Hyunjoon had to go to the hospital. He hadn't had a full free day in months.
"No, I'm not going to change anything I said, do you understand?" Sangyeon said. "Come on, dance practice is over. Let's go to the dorms. I don't want to see you back until 2 am, do you hear me?"
"Yes, I understand."
Everyone left reluctantly, not wanting to get left behind but still shaken up from what had happened. They all sensed things had gone too far and that Sangyeon had certainly gone too far, but no one had energy to do something about it.
In the meantime, Hyunjoon stayed in the practice room, alone. Once he was sure that all the others had left, he broke down. He knew they probably didn't think before they talked, but he couldn't believe that when he told himself these same things. They just confirmed all his doubts. If it would've been online hate posts or some hater he didn't know, he wouldn't even bother paying attention, but these were his members, his family, he couldn't just ignore what they said. And it had been going on for longer than that day. There had been a few snide remarks from everyone, although some of them (mainly Jacob, Hyunjae and Juyeon) apologised.
Hyunjoon practised hard for the rest of the night, not coming out of the practice room once. It was 5 am when he went to refill his bottle of water and ran into someone.
"Hey, kiddo. Isn't it a little bit late for you to be here? You don't have to work that hard you know, you're only a trainee."
"I ... uhm ... "
"I don't think he's a trainee, Kihyunie. Aren't you from The Boyz?" Shownu intervened.
"Yes, I am Hwall or Heo Hyunjoon."
"Don't overwork yourself, boy. It isn't worth it. You should get a free day tomorrow, I mean today. This isn't healthy."
"But you can't. Sangyeon has revoked my only day off because I am not good enough. Giving me one today isn't going to make a difference, I'll be dragged to practice anyway."
"I ... What kind of leader do you have?" Kihyun suddenly got a little angry. "That's no way of treating one of your members, is it Shownu?"
"No, it's not."
"Hey, where are you guys?" someone yelled down the hallway.
"We're busy, Minhyuk. Just go back. We'll come later."
"Sure. But I am coming to meddle anyway. Wait ... Did you cry?" Minhyuk asked, noticing the tear tracks on Hyunjoon's face. The cheerful behaviour of the idol changed once he saw his expression. He looked immensely worried.
"Oh, baby." Kihyun's mother instincts kicked in. He immediately hugged the younger, although he was taller, and started to comfort him. "It'll be okay. Shh, don't cry, sweetheart."
The gesture only caused the boy to sob silently in the elder's embrace. Hyunjoon eventually fell asleep. All the other Monsta X members had gathered around in the meantime. They knew about The Boyz and that the rookie group trained in the same building, but they never really got involved with them, apart from Shownu being part of Dispatch's Main Dancers with Q. They had seen their performances and the one named Hwall in front of them had left a good impression on them. Seeing him like this was not what they expected.
BTS's Idol was suddenly heard through the hallway.
"Someone's calling him. It says "human angel Jacob'."
"Pick up, I want to know what happened, please Wonho, and don't tell them about just now."
"Okay, Kihyun."
Wonho picked up.
"Hi, Hyunjoonie, are you still practising? It's already half past five and we have another practice at seven."
"Hyunjoon's asleep now, I think he fell asleep about ten minutes ago."
"Oh no, that's not good. Oh my god, I should have done something yesterday, maybe he would've gone to the dorms with us. Oh, I'm sorry, who is this actually?"
"It's Wonho, from Monsta X, but can you please not tell anyone?"
"Okay. I should hang up now. I will bring a spare bag of clothes so that he can change. Thank you very much and have a good day."
"You're welcome and you too."
Once the phone call was finished, Monsta X moved the boy to the practice room he was in and got rid of every proof that he cried, even applying some light make up.
An hour later, the boy woke up in the practice room alone. He stretched a little while waiting for the others to arrive.
"Hey, Joonie. I brought you some clothes. Go change now. Have you eaten breakfast?"
"Jacob? Good morning, hyung. Thank you so much. I'll see you later." The boy quickly left the practice room to shower and changed into his clean clothes. Once he was back in the practice room, everyone was already stretching.
"Look who decided to join us today? Aren't you a little late? I should honestly just kick you out if you keep acting like this. Anyway, I hope you actually did something yesterday, so let's see what it is." Sangyeon's tone was still angry and agressive.
They started their practice and Hyunjoon had indeed improved, he had that one move down and his timing was perfect. The progress he had made in one night was amazing, but a few hours into practice, the boy started to slack off. The lack of sleep and food was starting to take a toll on him. They took a 15-minute break and everything was fine once again.
Sangyeon's aggression towards him remained though and Hyunjoon had to stay another night. That pattern continued for another week and a half before he collapsed somewhere through the night. When the eleven other members arrived in the afternoon, after having a free morning, they found him. He was in the middle of the room, his body in a not so comfortable position.
"Heo Hyunjoon, wake up. We don't have the entire day."
"He isn't waking up, Sangyeon. What do we do?" Eric started panicking.
"That's nonsense."
"Stop it, hyung. Hyunjoon is destroying himself because of you!" The maknae was now crying.
"Stop being so sensitive, it's for his own good."
"I ... Should we get help?" Eric asked. "I don't think we can wake him up on our own."
He then left the room and ran into the hallway, Changmin, Sunwoo and Kevin followed, the three of them more familiar with the building. Changmin almost ran into Shownu when he ran down the stairs.
"Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to. I just ..."
"Hey, calm down. What's going on?"
"Hyunjoon collapsed. Don't know what to do." Changmin wheezed out.
"Okay, I can see if I can help. My group is right behind me. They will all know what to do. Is that okay with you?"
"Yes, thank you so much."
"Shownu, what's going on?"
"An idol kid collapsed, Kihyunie."
"Oh."
"It's Hyunjoon."
Changmin was a little puzzled by Monsta X knowing Hyunjoon, but the latter's health was more important. He guided his seven seniors to their practice room where Hwall was, still unconscious. Looks of horror were seen on the faces of the ones who stayed. The fact that their seniors were coming to help terrified them, they would know about their schedule and what happened to Hwall. While they knew that what had happened was wrong, they never made it known, most of them using the opportunity to take their anger out on the boy. They didn't think something like this would happen. That their seniors would know only made it worse. In the meantime, the others had come back after Chanhee had texted them. Eric was still upset and silently hugged Juyeon, the elder not denying his affection for once. Kihyun seated himself on the floor next to Hyunjoon, taking his head in his lap and playing with his hair. He continued on doing that, softly humming a calming song.
"What happened?" The younger boy's voice startled all of them, he sounded a little slurred and he hadn't moved at all. Slowly opening his eyes, he made eye contact with Kihyun, who was staring down at him lovingly, as if he was his child. It caused something to stir inside the younger. He wanted the thought to be true, but he couldn't slip, he had to work, had to be better. He couldn't allow himself to relax or get rid of stress even though not slipping only caused more stress. Quickly working on repressing every thought of being little or that was associated with it, the boy rolled of the elder's lap, avoiding eye contact as much as he could. He had almost slipped that night when Kihyun was comforting him, it couldn't happen again. He didn't need to be little, it was wrong, so wrong and he didn't deserve it at all, he had been bad. He only needed to slip once a month to prevent actually slipping in front of the others. Sure, when times were stressful he would be on the verge of little space from time to time, which caused him to act like a baby. That had already happened a lot of times, but the others assumed it was just his babylike personality and they had been very clear about disliking it a few times, so slipping when he could be caught was out of the question. Not slipping could be dangerous though and the poor boy hadn't slipped in almost two months, now that his free day was revoked, that could become three months. He should be able to live without his little space and he normally never thought about it, but the last two weeks of snide remarks, barely eating and sleeping and overworking himself were pushing him closer and closer to the edge.
"Hey, are you alright?"
His inner turmoil didn't go unnoticed. Kihyun had noticed the sudden panic and the conflict in his eyes and decided to step in once again.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Did you get sufficient rest after that one night?I mean, you really need it."
"I ..." Hyunjoon didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell the truth with Sangyeon's cold eyes focused on him, but he couldn't lie to Kihyun either.
"Did you stay late to practice every night after that and never take a break?" It was Shownu who talked this time, joining Kihyun on the floor and speaking just as gentle as him. The younger boy could only nod, relaxing a little, but still not coming out of his shell.
"Okay, that's not good. How much have you eaten in the past week and a half?"
"I ate lunch every day and some snacks during pracice from time to time." His voice sounded so small as he said that, his Busan accent slipping in his speech. Everyone in Monsta X softened at the sight. It was obvious the younger needed to be taken care of. They had their suspicions about him being a little after he broke down that night. The boy had sucked on his thumb and refused to let go of Kihyun, his words reduced to a babylike speech, but the boy probably didn't remember it because he had been exhausted. Afterwards, they watched a lot of videos and after the LieV they were certain he did indeed regress. With his childlike poking for attention, cuddling and holding hands, even occasionally bringing his thumb to his mouth and barely talking, it was obvious he had slipped halfway. When they saw the boy relax at the parentlike behaviour of two of their members, they were 100% sure. It was obvious he tried to hide it though. The other The Boyz members didn't have a clue either, or they would have already done something.
"Jesus, Hyunjoon, you can't even speak properly now, why are you still here? Just quit!" Sangyeon was angry and his sudden shout startled Monsta X. Well, the reason Hwall didn't slip into little space was very clear now. What surprised them more was how the boy didn't even flinch, he looked so used to that treatment.
"Sangyeon, stop this. We're the same age and yet you can't act mature. You're a leader and I'm a maknae and I'm more mature than you. If you want to be an adult, then you take him back to the dorm, make sure he eats and let him rest, preferably apologising and leaving him alone." I.M had intervened, his voice neutral but decisive. He had a staring contest with Sangyeon and the latter lost, silently beckoning the others to follow him.
"Hyunjoon, before you go. Give me your phone. Here's my number in case there is a little emergency. I'm not very good with big ones." Kihyun said. He noticed the small glint in the younger's eyes as he said the word little, making sure it sounded more important.
He knows, how can he know? Did he do anything? Did he slip? Do the others know? Hyunjoon started panicking.
"Hey, it's only for emergencies you don't want your group to know about." Shownu stepped in. He patted the boy's head to comfort him before sending him off to his group.
After Hyunjoon got back and could rest for a bit, he locked himself up in his room. He slipped into little space, hiding from the others. He didn't slip completely, he was still aware of the other's presence and made himself be quiet. He sucked on his sweater sleeve and coloured a few cartoons in old magazines. He had no stuff for his little space at all. After an hour, Kevin gently knocked on the door. He needed to come in to get some clothes. The little quickly hid the magazine, opened the door and forced himself out of little space.
"Hi, are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
"But I want to. I know we've been ignoring you and I want to make it up to you."
"You don't have to, hyung. There's nothing wrong. Thank you though." The boy smiled softly at Kevin, melting the latter, but he didn't notice.
Hyunjoon arranged everything until there was nothing suspicious and disposed of the old magazines. He then went to the kitchen where he was coddled by the Bermuda Triangle while they were trying to feed him. He refused but caved in eventually. He felt himself relaxing and his headspace sneaking up on him. Hyunjoon quickly left as he noticed that, not wanting to slip in front of them. He left the dorm on a whim and went to a cafe where he could be anonymous. It was his secret safe place. Knowing it wasn't safe for him to be out alone with his headspace so close, he called Kihyun and the elder quickly came, Shownu joining them as well.
"Hey, why are you here?" Kihyun's voice was gentle. He didn't want to scare the younger away.
"I ..."
"Don't pressure yourself. Do you only want to tell one of us? Wait, take both of our hands and squeeze one. The other will leave. Is that okay? We won't be hurt." Shownu said, his voice cautious and caring. Suddenly, his phone rang. "Oh, I'm sorry, I have to go. You'll have to talk to Kihyunie. Bye." The bear ruffled Hyunjoon's hair as he left, cooing as the boy leant in to his touch.
"Are you alright here or do you want to talk somewhere else? No one is in the dorm right now." That was actually a lie, but he would sent everyone away if they went there.
"Is that really okay?"
"Yes, let's go." Kihyun quickly sent a text to Monsta X's Hwall protection group chat before taking the other's hand, he had sounded so small and scared. As he led the boy to the dorm, he had to stop a few times to let him pet a stray cat. The younger also had a habit of swinging their intertwined hands, it was honestly really adorable.
Once in the dorm, his demeanour changed though. They took a seat in the kitchen, as it was an open space with chairs that weren't comfortable enough to relax a lot. Hyunjoon had also gotten his more serious behaviour back. He squinted his eyes at Kihyun, asking him to start the conversation.
"Do you want to talk?"
"Yes, you won't hate me?"
"No, of course not sweetheart."
"Well, I think you already figured out that I'm a little. I know I should be okay with it, but I am not. And I keep on slipping and it scares me. I've tried other coping mechanisms but they don't work. No one knows about me being a little and I don't want anyone to know. Some of them don't like little space so I'm scared to tell them, certainly after everything that happened."
"Oh, do you have a caregiver and supplies?"
"No, I never had them." His voice was so small and fragile, Kihyun wanted to wrap him in bubble plastic and never let him go again.
"Do you want me to take care of you?" The boy's eyes widened at this, his mouth a little agape. "The others want to do so too. We have space in our schedule and it would relax us as well. We also kind of took the liberty to buy some stuff. I hope you're not mad."
"Do you mean that? You really wouldn't mind?"
"Why would I? It's a win-win situation." Kihyun's voice left no space for arguments and with Hyunjoon having already slipped halfway, the younger chose to accept it.
"When do you have time to do it?"
"I am free now and Shownu might be back soon. Are you feeling little right now?"
Hyunjoon shyly nodded, a small blush on his cheeks. He couldn't believe someone wanted to take care of him.
"Well then, do you want to get changed and see what I bought for you, baby boy?"
Hyunjoon nodded again, reaching out to grab Kihyun's extended hand and started playing with his fingers. The fascinated look in his eyes made Kihyun coo and wonder how old he actually was when he slipped. They needed to talk about a lot of stuff, but the boy's health came first.
"Baby boy, do you want to come with me?"
"Yes." The boy mumbled shyly, averting his eyes. He had obviously almost completely regressed and it made the elder feel successful. Hyunjoon was now an incredibly shy baby. He couldn't really walk properly and had to use the smaller for support. Their height difference didn't make it weird for Kihyun, he had practically adopted the little in his head. It took them a while, but they eventually reached the living room.
The elder took the basic little space stuff he had bought online out of the closet and picked out what he thought the boy needed. Hyunjoon had sat down quietly and played with the strings of his sweater, occasionally sucking on them.
"Hey, baby boy. Look over here please." Kihyun held his phone and took a picture of the boy as he looked at him and the stuff in front of him. He looked so happy and his innocent eyes sparkled.
"Do you want to try this on?" The elder asked pointing to a bunny onesie in front of him, but the boy wasn't listening, he was captivated by a fluffy tiger onesie. He stretched out a finger to poke it, but hesitated last minute, looking at Kihyun for approval. He still looked a little tense.
"Do you want to wear that one?"
The boy nodded, his hair bouncing up and down. As Kihyun changed the boy into the onesie, he felt the little relax around him.
"Rawr." Little Hyunjoon roared cutely as he imitated a tiger, his sweater paws almost hitting Kihyun as he pretended to attack him.
"Oh no, a cute baby tiger, what do I do?" The tiger giggled at the other's overacting. "I need to ... tickle you." The boy squealed as Kihyun started tickling him. "Now, I've got you, baby tiger. Want to check out some other gifts?"
"Rawr."
"Okay, let's go."
Back in the living room, Kihyun picked up a pacifier with a drawing of a kitten on it and popped it in Hyunjoon's mouth. The boy's eyes were drooping a little, but he absolutely loved the design, saying kitty over and over again once he saw it. He really loved cats. As last gift for the day, the elder gave the boy a cute kitten plushie, making him shine. He looked completely content, snuggled up to Kihyun in his tiger onesie and with his pacifier and plushie. He thought the younger was falling asleep, but that wasn't the case. The little nuzzled his pacifier against Kihyun's cheek as a kiss and mumbled a thank you around his pacifier before falling asleep for real. It was honestly totally adorable. Hyunjoon fell asleep really quickly after that. Shownu came back to the dorm about an hour later. The sight that greeted him was so cute he couldn't help but smile. Kihyun had fallen asleep as well, his arms protectively wrapped around the little.
"Show'u?" The little boy had woken up and was now staring at the other with wide eyes, the only movement he made was softly sucking on his pacifier.
"Did you wake up, baby boy?" Kihyun whispered softly.
Hyunjoon nodded sleepily, clearly not completely awake, and began to play with his plushie.
"He really is a baby, isn't he?"
"It's absolutely adorable, isn't it?"
Shownu and Kihyun spoke at the same time, causing them to laugh. The little tilted his head, looking from one to the other curiously, before reaching his free hand towards the eldest.
"I think he wants you to carry him, hyung."
Shownu, utterly clueless on what to do, allowed Kihyun to settle the boy in his arms. He looked a lot smaller now, Shownu was taller and a lot more muscular. He lifted the boy up with ease, eyebrows furrowing at how little he weighed, sending Kihyun a knowing glance before occupying himsef with the boy in his arms. He booped the little's nose, getting an adorable rawr in return, but Hyunjoon got sleepy very quickly and fell asleep in the other's arms.
By the time the other Monsta X members came back, he was waking up, clearly out of little space. He was a little disoriented and embarrassed, a small blush on his cheeks. He carefully put the items he used in little space back where they came from and asked to change in the bathroom. As he came out, the seven older idols were cooing over the videos and pictures Kihyun and Shownu had made.
"Hey, Joonie?"
"Yes?"
"I hope I wasn't a bad caregiver."
"You were amazing, Kihyun. I don't think there exist better caregivers. And you also helped Shownu well, even though he did good on his own." Hyunjoon's words were spoken softly, he sounded very sincere, but he was a little shy, avoiding Kihyun's eyes.
"Thank you, you were a great little too."
"I ... uhm ... thank you?" He suddenly got extremely shy and turned bright red.
"Did I make the baby embarrassed?"
"Hey, shut up."
"Cute." Kihyun cooed.
They continued to talk about a lot of stuf. They needed to make sure it would be safe for Hyunjoon to slip and discussed what he needed and such. It took them a while before they had a basic outline of rules, necessities and boundaries. When they were finished, Kihyun grabbed a phone from the table. "Here's your phone, I took it from you when you slipped and silenced it, but there are some messages."
"Okay, thank you, really. ... Oh no, I should be going back. What do I tell them?" There was panic in the expression of the youngest.
"You don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to. We'll always be here for you to slip. Although it would be safe if you told someone within your group. He doesn't need to become your caregiver, but he could call someone if something's wrong. Do you have someone in mind?" Shownu spoke, tone gentle to keep the boy calm.
"Why are you hesitating? You can tell us, you know, we won't make fun of you." Kihyun joined in.
"Yes, I have someone in mind, but I'm afraid to tell him."
"Who is it and why are you doubting?"
"It's Hyunjae, but it's a little complicated."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, you are blushing. That's so cute. Do you like him?" Minhyuk butted in, getting a small nod out of the boy. "Ah, young love."
"Shut up, Minhyuk, we should worry about our baby's little crush."
"I don't think it's a little crush."
"Stop it." Hyunjoon whined, hiding his face in the closest thing, which happened to be Hoseok (aka Wonho) 's chest.
"You're cute." The latter said while hugging the boy, feeling him melt in his embrace. He really was adorable.
"I should be getting back and I should tell Hyunjae, but this is too comfortable."
"You should tell him about your feelings too if he accepts you." Kihyun said.
"I'm not telling him I'm in love with him." Hyunjoon almost shouted, turning as red as a tomato when he realised what he said.
"Oh, it goes that deep? You must have liked him for a while then."
"For over a year and stop questioning me about it, hyungie. Kihyunie is not nice." He pouted, pulling out all his aegyo.
"We won't ask anything anymore, we surrender, just don't pout, please. It's way too cute, we won't be able to let you leave if you do. Your prince charming would have to save you. ... Oh, it's aready pretty late. We should get you back. I'll ask our manager to drop you off at your dorm."
"Actually, can I be dropped off at that cafe we went to? I'll meet Hyunjae there before I chicken out."
"Whatever you wish for, baby boy."
"I'm not little, Shownu." He whined.
"But you're still a baby boy."
About half an hour later, Hyunjoon sat at a table at the café, waiting for Hyunjae to arrive.
"Hey, Joonie. What's wrong?"
"Hi, hyung." Even with all the pep talk he got from Monsta X, the boy still felt like running away.
"You don't have to tell me what's going on, but you made me worried. Is it something bad? Did someone hurt you?" Worry was evident in Hyunjae's voice and it made the younger feel guilty. He had kept his messages pretty vague, after all, so it was no wonder the other was worrying.
"It's nothing bad, hyungie, at least not for me. You might not like it though."
"Oooh, are you secretly dating someone? Is it an idol? Do I have to protect you from her evil ex-boyfriends?"
"Hyungie, I'm single and I'm more interested in boys. It has nothing to do with romance." Hyunjoon giggled a little, having relaxed.
"You're interested in boys?" Hyunjae asked, a little curious.
"And girls, but that doesn't really matter now."
"It's the same for me." The elder smiled, quickly frowning again as he noticed how off-topic they were. "Then why did you want to talk to me?"
"I ... I'm a little, hyung, and I slip from time to time. You don't have to take care of me or anything like that. I just ... My caregivers wanted someone who could contact them when I slip. I know I won't be able to contact them myself every time, because I can't use a phone in little space and I have periods where I resent my little self which makes me draw my regression out." Hyunjoon rambled, clearly nervous and afraid of what his hyung would think."
"Can I ask some things?" Hyunjae's tone was gentle and serious, all playfulness gone.
"..."
"You don't have to answer when you aren't comfortable. I just think it's better if I hear it from you instead of reading about it online. Is that okay with you?"
"Yes, it is, hyung." Hyunjoon was getting nervous and continued to anxiously tap his fingers on the table. Hyunjae grabbed his hand and gently laced their fingers together. The other blushed furiously at that, always getting a little embarrassed when the elder did things like that. He was usually able to hide it because there were fans taking pictures or the others were around, but when that it was just the two of them, he couldn't hide it at all. Hyunjae, oblivious as always, didn't notice and thought it was because of the whole little space thing.
"What does that little space thing mean to you?"
"Well, it's ... like ... When I feel stressed, it's a way to cope for me. It helps me relax and I feel less stressed afterwards."
"What is little space actually?"
"Why didn't you start with that?" The younger giggled a little, it was a weird order of questions.
"I first wanted to know what it does for you so that I could judge it based on that instead of judging it without knowing why you do it. I don't want to have any prejudices."
"Oh ... okay. Little space is some kind of headspace. A little is basically someone who acts younger than their actual age, mostly going back to some age before ten years old."
"How old are you when you slip? Is that the right word?"
"Yes, hyung, and do I have to tell you? It's embarrassing." The boy whined, hiding his flushed face in his arms.
"Awe, is my little Joonie shy? ... Are you so embarrased because little Joonie is very young?"
"Shut up, hyungie."
"So you are really young, come on, I want to know more."
"Uhm, I am mostly around 1 year old, I think. I pretty much go non-verbal most of the time. Like, I can understand most of what people are saying, I can respond with gestures and I can make some sounds, but that's where it ends."
"Is that why you need caregivers?"
"Yes, I literally can't take care of myself when I'm little so I need someone to do it for me. I actually just want to stop being a little so that no one has to worry about being my caregiver, but I have almost no control over it when I'm stressed, frustrated or tired. I need to slip to avoid slipping in front of all of you."
"How long have you had a caregiver?"
"I have a few caregivers ever since today." The giddiness in the boy's expression as he said it was adorable, he looked really happy about it.
"How long have you known about your little space?"
"A few years by now."
"So you've been a little for that long without a caregiver?"
"I ... yes?"
"Why now?"
"Well, they figured it out a few weeks ago, I think, and they offered today. I also instantly slipped around them. Afterwards we talked it out and they want to become my caregivers. They have enough space in their schedule for me to be little when I need to be."
"Who are these caregivers?"
"Kihyun and Shownu."
"From Monsta X?" Hyunjae was really surprised now. He didn't expect Hyunjoon's caregivers to be his seniors. Although he should have expected it when he thought about it. They did look out for him that day. "What about the others?"
"They don't really know if they want to be a caregiver or if they just want to play around with me when I'm little. It's mostly because they don't think they can take care of me and because they weren't there when I slipped."
"But if they are famous, will you be able to slip enough?"
"I can get by with a few hours a month if I need to, so that's no problem."
"Are there any tells for when you slip? Like things I have to pay attention to?"
"There are a few, I think, but I don't slip enough to know what those are. I can tell I am really dropping when I feel my mindset completely convert to that of a child, but I can be on the edge of slipping for a while without actually slipping."
"Would you prefer to be babied less when you are on edge? Because you can always tell me if I need to stop pampering you."
"I'll tell you when it gets too much."
"I have only one last question, but I'm not sure if you want to hear it." Hyunjae was suddenly a bit bashful and nervous as he anxiously tapped his foot.
"What is it?" The younger was really curious. He literally had no idea what the other was going to ask and why he would act that way.
"Can I be there when you slip? Just once is enough, if that's all you are comfortable with, but I ... it sounds totally adorable."
"You want to see me in little space?"
"Yes."
"You won't hate me?"
"Of course not, you're my favourite dongsaeng, how could I possibly hate you?"
"Well, I think you can come, if you want to."
"Thank you." Hyunjae cheered on the inside. He already found Hyunjoon incredibly cute, so the idea of seeing him in little space made his heart jump in anticipation.
Things within the rookie group went well for a while. Everything was fine, there were some disputes, but nothing really bad. Everything was back to normal. Hyunjae occasionally played with little Joonie, the latter always a lot more flustered afterwards. They always did it in the dorm from Monsta X though, to avoid the others finding out. Hyunjoon still had a crush on his hyung, even in little space. Everyone in Monsta X proved to be amazing caregivers, they made time when necessary and immediately solved things if they went wrong. There were enough supplies for little Joonie in their dorm and they had given him a small emergency package for in the dorm from the Boyz. Hyunjoon also accepted his little space a lot better now. He just needed a little push to accept himselg. Apparently, he knew some littles in the Philippines, but he never came out to them. He also slipped more, which made him more relaxed and he actually enjoyed being a little. The Boyz still didn't know though, only Hyunjae, Monsta X and a few of Monsta X' managers. Those last ones were bound to find out one day and helped cover up for them. What they didn't notice was that with Hyunjoon slipping more regularly, he acted less like a baby in his big headspace. He didn't stop acting like that altogether, he was just chicer and less like a baby than before. The ten members who didn't know, missed this side of him and blamed themselves for this change.
Then Monsta X had to go on a world tour and they couldn't take care of little Joonie. Hyunjae now had full responsibility. He took good care of the boy, allowing him to slip when they had time, but without Monsta X and with another upcoming comeback, there simply wasn't enough time. One of Monsta X's managers helped theirs from time to time, but he couldn't do anything for the little. This brought Hyunjoon's old behaviour back. He acted more like a baby and was a lot clingier. The other members were happy that their chic baby was back to normal, but Hyunjae became more and more worried.
It was a week before their comeback when the inevitable happened. Hyunjoon hadn't fully slipped in almost three weeks and he was very stressed. Everyone was, they were also tired and there was this one very frustrating move they couldn't get down. Sangyeon snapped at all of them, multiple times, prolonging their dance practice by hours. Changmin had gotten a little fed up as well, but he hid it, wanting to avoid what happened last time they had all snapped and what happened to Hwall. The more tired they were, the harder it was for them to hide their anger and frustration though. To Hyunjae, it was obvious Hwall was trying not to slip. He pinched himself, avoided physical contact and kept going, no matter what. But being on the edge of little space, he was a little clumsy. He lost a lot of his coordination when he became little, so being on the edge made him clumsy. Being tired only worsened that. Somewhere halfway through the song, he stumbled and couldn't catch himself in time. He quickly tried to get up. His legs were a bit shaky and he was biting his bottom lip harshly till it bled, but everything else was fine. This made Changmin propose to take a small break, knowing they couldn't go on in this state, not Hyunjoon nor anyone else. Sangyeon didn't seem to agree though.
"Jesus, Hyunjoon can't you do anything right? I know it's late, but we are all trying. So just pay attention and don't fall. We can't have a clumsy idol. Or one that acts like a baby. Seriously, you started acting like a baby more and the level of your skill goes down at the same time. Get yourself together! Babies don't belong here!" No one had seen Sangyeon this furious so far. The leader came closer to Hyunjoon, who had sat down on the floor, and slapped him. There was a red print on his cheek where Sangyeon had hit him. It took a while for everyone to comprehend what had just happened, so no one noticed the look of panic on Hyunjae's face as he saw the younger who had been fighting his little space as hard as he could, lose control because of the shock.
After a moment of silence, Hyunjoon suddenly started crying, not his usual silent way of crying, but a more childish way of crying. He was full on sobbing and had moved into a foetal position. Hyunjae quickly went towards him and pulled him on his lap. The others looked with looks that varied from worry to curiosity to endearment as Hyunjae easily calmed the boy. Once the boy stopped crying, he looked at his hyung and tilted his head. Hyunjae followed and they played around a little like that, caught up in their own world. The little suddenly stopped playing and looked at his hyung with sad eyes.
"Sowwy, Jaejae, sowwy." It were Joonie's first words after the breakdown. His voice sounded small, sad and a bit higher than usual. He also couldn't articulate his words very well.
"But there's nothing to be sorry for, kitten."
"Tewe's not?"
"Everything is fine, kitten, now let me look at your lip."
The others were astonished as they saw Hyunjae in caregiver mode. They had no idea what was going on. The way he was handling Hyunjoon was completely different from how he usually handled him. Jacob was endeared by it, Juyeon and Sunwoo also melting at the sight, Kevin, Eric, Younghoon, Changmin and Chanhee had to keep themselves from cooing out loud, Juhaknyeon was baffled as he had no idea what was going on in front of him and Sangyeon looked expressionless. Their trance was broken when a manager entered the practice room to drag them out of it. They had been in there for too long and they needed rest. It was the manager who worked for Monsta X, so he quickly recognised the situation. He separated Hyunjae and Hyunjoon from the others and brought them to the dorm from Monsta X. Hyunjae had given the little his spare pacifier in the car, and once they were inside, he changed the almost asleep boy into a cute onesie after giving him a short bath, gave him his plushies and took care of his lip. He quickly showered himself when the little was asleep and grabbed some clothes he had worn when he was there before going back to cuddle his baby boy.
"Hyung, you need to wake up. Someone is blowing up your phone. Hyuuuuuuuung." The younger whined as he tried to wake the other up.
"Don't want to."
"I'm not going to answer them for you, hyungie, and I already have breakfast ready in the kitchen. Hyungie~~." He was full on pouting now, knowing Hyunjae couldn't refuse him if he did.
"Okay, okay, I will get up now, baby boy."
"Stop calling me baby boy when I'm not little."
"I mostly call you kitten when you're little though, I don't call you baby boy."
"It's still embarrassing."
Hyunjae checked his messages while the younger was whining.
"Oh, sh- I can't curse."
"What is it, hyungie?"
"The others want an explanation, as soon as possible. They are coming over in an hour. Should we call Monsta X in the meantime?"
"That might be good."
"Hey, look at me. Don't worry, baby boy. Everything will be fine and I'll always be here for you."
"Thank you, hyungie."
"Well then, let's see what that breakfast is and call Monsta X. We're only going to worry after that, do you understand?"
"Yes, Sir." Hyunjoon giggled, dragging the other to the kitchen where he had put the croissants the manager had left for them.