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The four of them had all been sent to one of the patient pods in the aftermath of everything. It had been Mabli’s insistence; Yoss needed time alone with his son, Durkas needed time to grieve. And they all needed to make themselves comfortable for the hour or so they had to wait before they would be given permission to board Resus One.
It was the first time they’d actually sat down since arriving on Tsuranga, the Doctor realised as she fell a little heavily into the chair she’d dragged across the pod into their makeshift circle.
“I reckon after all that we’ve earned a cuppa soon as we’re back in the TARDIS,” Graham said, letting out a contented sigh as he leaned back and crossed his hands behind his head. “That custard cream pedal better be working, Doc.”
The Doctor gave an exaggerated sigh as Ryan and Yaz both laughed. “Honestly, you make it sound like she’s a naughty child. She does behave herself most of the time.”
She pointedly ignored Graham’s raised eyebrows in favour of pushing her hair back behind her ear. It was a nervous tic she was self-aware enough to notice by then, her other hand floating to her side which she’d mostly forgotten about during the chaos of the last few hours. She was trying to also ignore the fact that it was getting more and more noticeable the longer she was sat there, but the throbbing ache below her ribs was much harder to overlook than Graham’s well-meant teasing. It was getting to the point where she was half expecting the door to his room to get conveniently dematerialised if he didn’t stop-
“Doctor?”
Yaz’s voice jolted her from that train of thought, and she looked around to see all three of them looking at her a little oddly. “Sorry Yaz, spaced out there for a mo,” she said, hoping her smile looked less strained than it felt. The concern etched into Yaz’s expression was far from convincing, so she brightened her grin and added “Just can’t wait to get moving, y’know. Is anyone else really warm? Reckon that Pting must have mucked up the air conditioning at some point during its little adventure earlier.”
Silence followed her question, punctuated by Ryan and Graham exchanging a look. “Are you alright Doctor?” Yaz asked, still looking just as concerned.
“Me? Yeah, course I am,” the Doctor insisted.
“Are you sure? You’re not looking too well again.”
The sound of footsteps approaching was a well-timed interruption, and they all looked round to see Mabli’s head poked around the door. “I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that we’re being cleared for boarding now. I’ll see you all in the assessment centre.” She didn’t wait for acknowledgment before she was off back down the corridor, brisk footsteps echoing off the walls towards where they would presumably be looked over by the boarding team before they could leave the ship at last.
The Doctor sighed in relief for a moment, then jumped to her feet with her arms out wide in an exaggerated display of just how fine she was. “Right then! Let’s get a shift on you lot!”
Her attempt to march out of the room lasted less than a second before there were stars in her vision and the ground beneath her feet suddenly tilted on its axis. The deck rushed up to meet her, unable to restrain her cry as blinding pain erupted in her side and shot through her torso.
Almost immediately she heard three voices shouting her name, felt Yaz’s hands on her shoulder trying to keep her still as she struggled to get up. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” she tried to insist, brushing Yaz away, though her protests ended in a sharp gasp when her legs gave up on her again and collapsed onto the floor. She was panting for air but her lungs still felt empty, clutching her ribs and whimpering with every stabbing pain that just trying to breathe caused her.
“Go get help!” she heard Yaz shout, and though her voice sounded far away the Doctor could still pick out the shrill note of panic that wasn’t quite masked under her police training. The hands on her shoulder were shaking a little too, unless that was her own shivering she could feel, and she tried to twist her head enough to look up and and reassure her. But even that tiny movement had her gasping out again, curling further into herself as Yaz gently rubbed her arm. “I’ve got you, Doctor. You’re alright,” she added softly, “Just relax. Deep breaths now.”
Her promise was enough for the Doctor to let herself sag a little, the cool metal beneath her cheek and forehead a welcome relief as she closed her eyes against the nauseating dizziness pulsing in her head. Following Yaz’s instruction proved near impossible though as each breath she took felt like someone was pushing a dagger into her side. If she had enough clarity left then she might have felt embarrassed, lying barely conscious on the floor waiting for help, but with Yaz’s presence a constant reassurance she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Maybe this was the sort of Doctor she was now; one who was marginally better at accepting help than she still was at admitting she needed it.
She didn’t know how long she lay there simply focusing on one breath at a time before the sound of thundering footsteps broke through the haze clouding her mind. “Doctor, can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes for me.” Mabli’s voice sounded like she was underwater and it was all the Doctor could do to process her request, but after a moment she managed to force them open just a crack.
“Good,” Mabli nodded, a hand pressing to the Doctor’s forehead before her face faded from the Doctor’s vision as she presumably rose to her feet. Her next words were all a blur, but as her eyelids started to close again she felt her shoulder being shaken until she opened them again purely to give Yaz what she hoped was an annoyed look.
The huff of laughter was a good indication of her failure in that aspect but it did help a little to calm the unsteady rhythm of her hearts. “Oi, no sleeping just yet,” Yaz chided softly, continuing to rub gentle circles into the Doctor’s arm which gave her something to think about other than the increasing effort it took to breath in and out
“’m not tired,” the Doctor mumbled, her face scrunching at the thought of having to sleep somewhere that wasn’t either the TARDIS or Graham’s sofa.
“Liar,” came the gentle retort.
Yaz’s hand stilled as Mabli came back into the pod, followed by two people who she didn’t recognise but assumed had to be other medics. “Let’s get her carefully on her feet. She felt feverish too so coat off if we can,” Mabli instructed, crouching down to peer into the Doctor’s face. “They’ll have a bed set up on Resus One for you, you’ll be in the best possible hands. Do you think you can stand with our help?”
It took a moment for the question to register before the Doctor nodded.
“Are you feeling warm? Would you like your coat off?”
She nodded again, but blurted out a slurred “Wait a sec,” as Mabli moved to take her by the elbow.
As the medic hesitated she slowly unwrapped her arm from around her side to fish around in her pocket, holding out her sonic in a shaking hand which Yaz took and handed to Ryan. She hadn’t realised he and Graham were in the pod still but as Yaz and Mabli slowly sat her up she saw them both hovering nervously a few feet away, their worried faces sending a wave of guilt through her chest. She didn’t want them to worry. That was her job not theirs.
“Coat off first,” Mabli said, and the Doctor sort of managed to make her arms comply as they were gently manoeuvred out of her sleeves. Any relief she felt at having it off was short lived as the air suddenly felt like ice at the back of her neck. On Mabli’s count of three she felt Yaz’s hands beneath her arms, guiding her upwards as she attempted to help by feebly pushing her knees upwards.
Trying to take a step forwards brought such a shock of pain that it drove all the breath out of her lungs, her vision starting to blur and blacken around the edges as her already shaking legs gave way. She heard her own scream and several alarmed shouts before it all faded into nothing.
She was gone so quickly that she didn’t even feel herself fall a second time.
“She looks a lot smaller when she’s asleep, doesn’t she?”
Yaz looked up from when she’d been twisting her hands together in her lap to see Graham enter the pod. At his comment she glanced over at the bed she’d been guarding for the last hour or so, taking in the Doctor’s ashen face and the pale hands which rested on her stomach. “Yeah, I guess so,” Yaz said, unable to stop the hint of a sigh creeping into her tone.
Seeming to sense she would appreciate the company, Graham pulled the other chair across the room to sit opposite her. “Guess it’s because she’s not running around for once in her life. Honestly, the amount of running we do these days I could do another charity marathon no problem.”
Yaz giggled slightly at that, and Graham looked pleased that he’d managed to take the sombre look off her face. “Where’s Ryan?” she asked.
“Talking to Durkas about spaceship mechanics, wanted to know how 67th century engines compare to our measly 21st century junk. I told him to dream on.” He paused then for a moment before adding a little quieter “It’s probably doing them both some good to stay occupied now.”
“Yeah,” Yaz murmured in agreement, her thoughts turning to Eve and the sacrifice she’d made to get them all to Resus One safely.
They’d seen so much loss lately, with Astos and Eve’s deaths only the previous day and grief for Grace still raw in their minds. Yaz hadn’t even needed to know Ryan’s nan for more than the couple of days they’d been reconnected for to know how much of a good person she’d been, and she’d found herself mourning for the person she might have grown to love as much as the rest of their team if she’d been given more time. Her mum had been concerned when Yaz went into the police force that her empathy might grow numb over time, but with how heavy her heart was feeling then she was fairly sure she had nothing to worry about.
Graham’s almost hesitant hand on her knee drew her out of those thoughts, the knowing look he gave her a clear indication that he’d guessed exactly where her mind had been taking her. “Don’t get too lost in it all”, he said, giving her a fond smile before withdrawing his hand.
A soft groan grabbed both their attentions, Yaz jumping out of her chair to see the Doctor’s brow furrow and her fingers twitch slightly. “Doctor?” she asked, and was answered by another quiet hum. “It’s Yaz and Graham. You’re safe on Resus One.”
The Doctor’s eyes fluttered open then, her expression already looking pained in comparison to how tranquil she’d been while asleep. She opened her mouth but only a feeble rasp came out, her nose scrunching in muted annoyance which Yaz couldn’t help but find adorable.
“I’ll let Ryan know she’s awake,” Graham said, and Yaz didn’t look away from the Doctor as she nodded in thanks.
As his footsteps faded down the corridor she pulled her chair up closer to the bed, sitting down where the Doctor would still be able to see her without difficulty. “How are you feeling?” she asked, not missing the wince which flashed momentarily across her face as she shifted slightly in bed.
“Hurts,” the Doctor muttered, managing to get the word out this time though her voice still sounded painfully raw. After an attempt at clearing her throat she added “How long?”
Yaz glanced down at her watch. She wasn’t sure how valid the time it read was considering they were out in the far corners of space, but for some reason she found it somewhat comforting to still know what time and date it might have been had the Doctor not come crashing into her life a few weeks ago. “You’ve been out for about eighteen hours. Mabli said you’ll probably need until tomorrow before you’re feeling like yourself again.”
The Doctor’s eyes squeezed shut and she let out a low moan of frustration. “Can’t wait that long,” she said after a moment’s silence, attempting to push herself into a sitting position and emitting a poorly stifled gasp as she clamped a hand over her injured side again.
In an instant Yaz’s arm was beneath her shoulder, taking the Doctor’s weight as she collapsed back into the pillow. “You need that long,” she insisted softly, chest clenching in pity when the Doctor looked up at her with the beginnings of a pout. “You were really badly hurt, and you won’t get better if you keep running yourself ragged.”
“But I-“
“You’d be saying the exact same thing to us if we were hurt.”
The Doctor was silent for a moment after Yaz’s interruption. “Not the same though, you humans are too fragile.” A look of sorrowful nostalgia crossed her face then, and not for the first time Yaz wondered how many people she really had lost in however many centuries she’d lived through.
“Doesn’t matter. I might be just a mere ‘mooman bean’,” Yaz quipped brightly, remembering how Angstrom had referred to their species when they’d first arrived on Desolation, “but right now I’m in charge of making sure you actually get some rest. The fact that your temperature is currently through the roof is your fault and yours alone.” To prove a point she brushed back the Doctor’s hair to feel her forehead with her palm, almost wincing at the burning heat which still lingered there
That time the Doctor really did pout at her, but the tired smile playing about the corner of her lips was enough to reassure Yaz that she was probably starting to accept that she was right. “Sleep’s so pointless though. You just lie there and do nothing, there’s so much I could be doing instead,” she grumbled, making frustrated gestures as she spoke with the hand not still holding her side.
“You’re not doing nothing, you’re healing,” Yaz pointed out.
“But I could be doing something at the same time! I’ll heal eventually if I just carry on and take it a bit easier,” the Doctor argued, the slight snap to her tone a sure time that she was starting to get overwhelmed by her frustration again. The frantic gleam she’d had in her eyes when trying to get off Tsuranga was back, her knuckles white as she clenched her fist so hard that she left a series of crescent shaped indents into her palm.
Unable to think of her hurting herself even more, Yaz took her hand before she could second-guess herself and pried the Doctor’s fingers out of her clammy palm. “Please, Doctor. You scared us all,” she said softly, not trying to hide the note of vulnerability which crept into her voice.
The Doctor’s eyes widened, gaze flickering between Yaz’s face and their joined hands. “Ok,” she breathed out, her voice barely audible though it was still obvious how much it pained her to admit that she did have to stop and rest.
“Ok,” Yaz repeated in reassurance.
As the Doctor slipped from consciousness again she didn’t let go of her hand.
She vaguely remembered waking up a couple of times to see Mabli running a scanner over her, or Ryan sat playing on his phone in the chair next to her bed. But those were just blips of consciousness so she hardly counted them as waking up, just her mind getting the occasional snapshot of the world still turning while she couldn’t be there to supervise it.
The next time the Doctor woke properly, it was to the calming background noise of her three friends talking quietly in her room. She could feel a dip in the bed by her left foot, figuring that someone had to be perched there while the other two occupied the chairs. For a while she remained still half-asleep, listening to the comforting hum of their voices since individual words were lost on her tired mind, until something tickled her nose and she couldn’t help but let out a sneeze.
There was silence for a moment, before Ryan spoke. “She been awake this whole time?”
“Wasn’t eavesdropping, promise,” the Doctor murmured, smiling though her eyes remained closed in a slight wince. Sneezing had caused her ribs to jolt in a way that still brought a stab of pain to her side, but whereas it might have had her crying out the previous day it was ignorable enough that she could just stay still and wait for it to be over.
Their laughter was enough to see her through the pain, opening her eyes to see Yaz leaning over her with a cheeky smile on her face. “Wakey wakey Doctor,” she giggled, offering out a hand to help her sit up.
Smiling gratefully the Doctor took it, pleasantly surprised to feel only a twinge as she eased herself up to lean against the headboard. “What gossip have I missed out on then, eh? I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t listening in.”
“It’s pretty good news actually,” Graham said, “Mabli says you’re good to go whenever you’re ready. We were just waiting for you to be up then they’ll get us in the teleport back to whatever junk planet you had us on.”
“Really?” the Doctor asked, a grin lighting her face.
Yaz nodded, sitting back down by the Doctor’s feet. “So if you’re feeling alright – really feeling alright – then we can get back on the road.”
“Yeah, even more emphasis on the really,” Ryan added with a smirk.
The Doctor pointedly ignored him, throwing the duvet off her legs before she jumped to her feet without a second thought. But the sudden switch to being on her feet for the first time in two days made both her side ache and her head spin, and she very quickly sat down again with a loud “oof.”
Immediately she felt a steadying hand on her shoulder, giving a tired nod to Yaz’s concerned glance.
“That might not have been your best idea, Doc,” Graham pointed out unhelpfully. “You’re still lookin’ a bit peaky, if you don’t mind me saying.”
“Am I?” the Doctor asked.
Ryan hummed in agreement, handing her his phone with the front facing camera on. She took a moment to look into her pale reflection, eyes rimmed with dark circles and dishevelled hair falling unkemptly, before she scrunched her face up at herself and switched it off. She’d never really been self-conscious about her looks before and didn’t want to start now.
Handing the phone back, she shrugged one shoulder in a disinterested gesture. “Ah well. Cup of tea and I’ll be right as rain. That’s the saying, isn’t it? Never really understood it myself.”
Ryan grinned as he pocketed his phone, his arm held out in case she needed it as she braced her hands against the bed in preparation for another attempt at standing. After pushing herself up she felt light-headed again for a moment, both Graham and Yaz shooting their arms out as if expecting her to collapse at their feet again. Which the Doctor supposed was a valid fear considering that she’d done exactly that two days ago.
“I’m good,” she insisted as she recaught her balance. Even so she still felt safer holding onto Yaz’s shoulder as she took the first few tentative steps, gingerly testing her legs before she felt safe enough to stand on her own. Placing her hands on her hips, she glanced between her friend’s with a grin and said “Right then, you lot ready to get a shift on?”
”Too ready. Feels like we’ve been here forever,” Ryan said, bouncing restlessly on the balls of his feet. The Doctor guessed that she wasn’t the only one who’d suffered from cabin fever for the past couple of days.
Once on that train of thought, it occurred to her that she wasn’t the only one who’d been hurt by the sonic mine explosion either. Yaz seemed to notice her face fall before she even said anything as her hand found its was back to the Doctor’s shoulder, but her concerned expression only brought her more guilt. ‘I’m sorry,” she said, hanging her head a little. “For not protecting you better. For not putting you first while on Tsuranga. I was so wrapped up in myself I didn’t even think about you all and that’s not right.”
There was quiet for a moment before Yaz squeezing her shoulder dragged the Doctor’s gaze from her feet up to meet her eyes. “Doctor, it’s ok,” she said gently. “You were panicking, it happens to us all. Don’t beat yourself up over it, alright?”
“But I should have made sure you were all ok,” the Doctor argued weakly, shaking her head.
“We’re alright now, that’s what matters,” said Ryan.
Graham hummed in agreement. “Actually did us some good I think, you being out of it for a while. Got to put my feet up for two days, talk about luxury!”
The Doctor smiled then, looking between the three of them again and thinking how lucky she was to call them her best friends. Ryan was smirking at her though with only good intentions, Graham’s eyes were sympathetic in an almost fatherly way, and Yaz was smiling softly with her hand still lingering on the Doctor’s shoulder.
“Come on,” Yaz said, “Let’s go home.”
She wasn’t sure what made her happier, the thought of being back in the TARDIS again after so long or the fact that Yaz had called it home.