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"Y/N! Please! There was something wrong with those onions, I swear."
"Hold on a damn second!" I griped back, rummaging through my purse as Dean shoved his hand incessantly towards me in the back seat of the Impala. We'd just made a run through a dumpy fast food joint, and Dean was evidently going to die if he did not get some breath spray from me this very instant. I'd started carrying it around for him and his onion breath years ago.
I finally dug it out of my purse. "Here!" I practically threw it at him, and he had it uncapped and spritzing into his mouth in a split second.
"Thank fuck. That was a truly horrible aftertaste, thank you," he finally said after a few seconds of frantic sprays, tossing the bottle back to me.
"You're welcome, god." I tossed the bottle back into my bag.
The drive went on, Led Zeppelin on the radio as Sam read and I bopped my head along to the beat, trying to ignore the impending boredom of four hours stuck in the car.
A minute later, though, Dean swerved on the road, emitting a confused, "What the fuck?" as he did so. My head and Sam's both popped up. Dean's tongue was out, and he was shaking it as if he'd tasted something bitter.
"What's up?" Sam asked.
"It feels like I just got numbing gel all over my mouth, like they do at the dentist before you get a cavity." His words were a bit slurred, and I had to stifle a laugh.
Sam scoffed. "Why would that-" He reached the conclusion at the same second I did, and turned to me with wide eyes as I stared back at him with an identical expression, hand over my mouth.
The exchange didn't escape Dean's attention. "What?"
I winced, opening my bag again and grabbing the bottle. Just as I'd thought, it was the mouth-numbing blowjob spray I'd bought a few months ago to help when I'd become interested in deepthroating Sam. I still used it fairly often; it was effective and chocolate mint-flavored, which was probably why it hadn't immediately raised red flags with Dean. Now that I thought about it, this and the bottle of breath spray that must've been buried deeper in my bag were remarkably similar.
"So you may want to check the bottle the next time you rush me..." I began, making eye contact with Dean in the mirror and blushing a bit. Sam bit his lip and chuckled, seeing the bottle in my hands.
"What- did you?" Dean's eyes found the bottle next, and he rolled his eyes at the sight. "Naturally. Thanks for that," he griped.
Even if the situation hadn't been so funny, his tainted voice made it impossible not to laugh. Sam and I were soon in full, bellyaching laughter.
"Stop it! This is a violation of... of me!" Dean protested, but I could see the little upturn at the side of his lips. Even he couldn't deny the hilarity of the situation. "And I didn't need to know that about you two!"
"I don't know, Dean, maybe next time you shouldn't go for such a BIG helping of onions," Sam teased, winking at his brother and eliciting another round of laughter from me.
"Yeah Dean, maybe next time don't shove it ALL down your throat so fast," I added, nearly in tears at this point.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Dean complained, shaking his head in an attempt to get rid of the numbness. "When does this wear off anyway?"
"Don't worry, it won't be too fast," I gasped out, finally breaking Dean's resolve. He practically spat out all the laughter he'd been holding in, dissolving into shaking guffaws. Maybe this ride wouldn't be too bad after all.
After the laughter had all dissolved, I said, out of breath, "It'll be a few minutes, but you'll be fine. And as far as next time is concerned? Maybe some gum?"