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Jean-Luc glanced around the lounge and spotted her mane of fiery hair right away. She was pulling an emergency blanket tighter around one of the crewmen and then pressed a hypospray into the arm of another. She looked frazzled. He looked around, but didn’t see her son anywhere. He walked over to Beverly and gently touched her arm. “Where’s Wesley?”
“I thought it would be best if he stayed in our quarters. I nearly gave him a sedative.” Jean-Luc shook his head. “He has the right to meet death awake.” Beverly raised her eyebrow. “Is that a male perspective?”
“Rubbish. It’s philosophical.”
“Hmm. Maybe. But is it fair to Wesley...to anyone? We’re all going to die up here from freezing to death. I’ve been giving people the option of a sedative to help them sleep if they seem anxious...but then, we’re all anxious.” She turned her weary eyes to Jean-Luc and he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms, cup her cheek gently, and tell her he would protect her and Wesley as best as he could, but instead he settled for “Carry on as best as you can, Doctor. Meet me on the bridge when you’re done in here.”
“Yes, Captain.” Beverly watched him walk away and wondered if this was her only chance – her last chance – to tell the older man how she felt. Should she tell him when they only had hours, possibly minutes left to live that the reason she asked to be placed on the Enterprise was because she wanted to be near him? Was it the right time, just before death, to admit her love for him? That she had loved him even when she was married to Jack? Would it be prudent to tell him how devastated she was when he walked out of her life after Jack’s death without a backwards glance?
Jean-Luc continued to walk through the ship, checking on all the areas where his crew had gathered. It had been suggested by Beverly that shared body heat would keep people warmer longer, and so he had issued a directive for the crew and family on board to congregate in communal areas. Her thought was the more bodies in an area, the higher the ambient temperature would be. He checked the crew mess hall and offered his words of encouragement to every crew member he saw. He made sure everyone received a pat on the back and a verbal acknowledgement of thanks for their service.
He sighed wearily outside Beverly and Wesley’s quarters and debated going in to speak with the boy. The number of hours he had spent thinking about Beverly and Wesley after Jack’s death were innumerable and perhaps the boy ought to be told how much he meant to the man. Jack had asked Jean-Luc to act as a sort-of godfather, despite neither man being particularly religious, and Jean-Luc felt he had failed in the ten years between Jack’s death and now . He had been trying to rectify it by attempting to spend time with Wesley now, even if it was awkward, but now it appeared it was too late and they had run out of time.
Jean-Luc raised his hand to press the chime and then lowered his hand. If Wesley was still awake, he was likely piled under thermal blankets and in no state to answer the door anyway. He understood why Beverly wanted to shield him from the reality of the situation, but Jean-Luc couldn’t help but think Wesley would have accepted his fate and looked it in the eye. Wesley was a strong boy, with the best of both his parents evident in him. But, Beverly was his parent, not him, so Jean-Luc turned and continued walking towards the turbolift.
His thoughts turned once more to Beverly. He loved her and had loved her for years, and his love for her had only grown stronger over the years, even while they were apart. If he was honest, he had deliberately stayed away from her after her husband’s death because he felt like he would be betraying his best friend. He should have told her how he felt. Should he tell her now that they were on the brink of death? Would it be better to die with the knowledge of his love for her or without it? He shook his head and entered the turbolift. “Bridge.” He frowned when nothing happened. With the system powering down, the turbolifts were only able to be used with an override. Fortunately, he was one of the people who could. “Computer, override lift lock out.”
“Authorization needed.” Jean-Luc rattled off his authorisation codes and was relieved when the lift came to life. He had been dreading navigating through Jeffries tubes.
Jean-Luc grinned slightly when he exited onto the bridge and Beverly was curled up in his chair with her knees pulled up against her chest. “Sorry. I’ll move.” She rose and sat in the seat to his right, the chair usually occupied by his First Officer. He briefly wondered if the away team was still alive and what they would think when they returned to the ship to find everyone dead, but he knew Riker. Riker would return to the nearest Starbase as acting Captain and the ship would go on. Much like it had all those years ago when Jean-Luc himself had become Captain of the Stargazer. Strange, how these things seem to go in cycles. He smiled at Beverly. “You look good in that chair.”
“Hmm.”
Jean-Luc lowered himself into his chair, swivelling it towards her. He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Beverly....” He trailed off.
“Yes, Jean?” He smiled. “You haven’t called me Jean since...”
“I know. Jean, I....” He cupped her cheek gently and she leaned into his touch. Was this it? Is this how we’re going to express our love for each other in the last moments of our life? He dropped his hand before he did something he might regret. “I know. Me too.” She smiled. “Good.” She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You’re a good man, Jean-Luc Picard.” He smiled and returned the kiss.
“You’re a good woman, Beverly Howard Crusher.” Jean-Luc felt his eyes get heavy and begin to close and his hand left Beverly’s as he went limp. Deanna was already asleep in the chair on his other side, and Beverly could feel the tendrils of unconsciousness tickle at her. She fought it as long as she could, trying to open her eyes wide and wondered if Wesley was already asleep. She wiped a tear away as she thought about her son and about Jean-Luc already sleeping next to her, the slow rise and fall of his chest indicating he was still alive – just. She continued to fight the darkness, but it soon consumed her and she closed her eyes.
She woke up with a gasp and saw Jean-Luc had done the same. She gently turned his face towards hers and leaned in to kiss him, but hesitated and instead spoke. “Not a moment to soon, Jean. I mean, Captain.” He smiled at her. “Go check on Wesley first, then the others. We’ll talk later. My quarters? 2200?”
“Is this as my Captain or as my....” Beverly searched for the word she wanted to use. “Friend?” He smiled. “It’s not an order.” She smiled back. “Alright. I’ll meet you then. And, thank you.”
Beverly hurried to her quarters and was relieved to find Wesley sitting up on the sofa with one of Nana’s blankets wrapped around his shoulder. “Mom? Is it over?” Beverly kissed the top of his head and cradled him close to her body. “Yes. It’s over. Jean-Lu...the Captain told me to check on you first. Why don’t you go to the bridge for now? I’m sure the Captain would appreciate your help.”
“Ok, thanks Mom.”
Wesley entered the Bridge and Jean-Luc looked up and grinned before schooling himself into a serious face. “Ah, Mister Crusher . Please take your position at the helm.”
“Yes, sir.” As he walked past his Captain, Jean-Luc reached out and clapped him on the shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “It’s good to have you back with us, Ensign.” Wesley grinned. “It’s good to be back, Sir.”
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Beverly changed out of her uniform before heading to her Captain’s quarters. If they were going to talk as friends, she needed to be out of her uniform. She smirked. She’d like to get Jean-Luc out of his uniform. She shook her head at her own boldness and headed down the corridor to his quarters, where she rang the chime before she lost her nerve.
Normally, Jean-Luc would just command his door to open, but this time he strode over to the door and activated it manually. “Hi,” Beverly said as her eyes met his. “Hi. Come in?” She smiled. Jean-Luc had dressed in civilian clothing, too.
“Can I interest you in wine or tea?” Beverly grinned. “Is the wine from your vineyard?”
“Of course. Robert and I might not speak, but his wife keeps me well supplied.”
“In that case, wine.” He grinned and flourished with his arm. “After you. I sort of assumed you would want wine. I remembered you liked it.”
Beverly sat down on the white sofa and Jean-Luc was left with the conundrum of where to sit. Next to her? Opposite her on a chair? He settled for the other end of the sofa, not touching her, but not a million miles away, either. He poured out the glasses and passed one to her, holding his up for a toast. “To....”
“The Enterprise,” Beverly supplied. She didn’t want to toast to friendship, but she wasn’t sure what else to toast about. He smiled. “To the Enterprise and her crew.” They both took a sip and then opened their mouths to speak at the same time.
“Uhm, you first.” Jean-Luc nodded and reached for her free hand and gently clasped it. “Beverly....I need to apologise, first.”
“What for?”
“For ignoring you for close to ten years and not checking to make sure you and Wesley were alright. I daresay I have ignored my duties as Wesley’s godfather, too.” Beverly shook her head. “No apology needed.”
“Thank you. I....I avoided you because I didn’t want....” He trailed off. “No, I was afraid....”
“Jean-Luc, what were you afraid of?” Beverly inched closer to her friend and sat her wine glass down to clasp his other hand. He smiled at their joined hands. “I was afraid of my feelings for you.”
“Oh,” Beverly looked down at her lap. “Can I say something?” He nodded. “I was a little afraid of my feelings for you, too.” Jean-Luc’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“When we thought we were going to die, I thought about telling you how I felt so that you wouldn’t die without knowing...but of course, I lost my nerve. And I should have told you earlier. Before today, even. I should have....” Beverly put her fingers to his lips. “Shhh.” He gently kissed her fingers with a grin. “There’s nothing you should have done, Jean-Luc. But maybe I should have told you how I felt.”
“How do you feel? If it’s the same way as I do about you....”
“I love you.” She blurted it out without thinking and then blushed. Jean-Luc grinned and closed the gap between them and gently touched his lips to hers. “That’s good, because I love you too.”
They were kissing. Neither one of them knew who deepened the kiss, but Beverly was soon lying down on the sofa with Jean-Luc on top of her. She slid her hands under his shirt and lightly scratched against his back and he groaned. “Oh, Beverly...” Beverly grinned against his lips. She could feel his arousal for her through their layers and she silently cursed the long dress she had worn that night that was trapping her legs. She pushed her hips into his and made a whinging noise. He grinned and slowly pushed her skirt above her knees. “Is this what you wanted?”
“Mm-hmmm.” Beverly wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him close, pressing his arousal into her and grinding against him as she kissed him again. “Jean-Luc? Can we take this to your bed?”
“If that’s....if that’s what you want.” She nodded.
“It’s been what I’ve wanted since I stepped on this ship.”
###FIN###