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“You ever think about past lives?” Eren asks, voice small and quiet. He doesn’t look at Jean when he speaks, but Jean is always looking at Eren.
“What, you mean like reincarnation and shit?” Jean matches his tone, but Eren winces at the curse word.
“Is swearing necessary, Jean?” Eren shuts his eyes, but a small smile finds its way to his lips. “Do you have to kill the sanctity of every quiet moment we share?”
Jean lets out a chuckle, turns his head to face Eren. “I’m sorry,” He grins at Eren, lacing their fingers together.
“Mm,” Eren hums, already away from reality. “Okay.”
They had built a blanket fort out in their living room, blankets and sheets cascading from all corners around them. It was a pain for them (mostly Jean) to set it up, with Jean grumbling all the while about how blanket forts are cliche, but Eren insisted. A last ditch effort to savour what was left of their innocence, he said.
So here they were, Jean and Eren, lying down on a threadbare duvet. It was a pain to set everything up, but Jean thinks seeing Eren’s little smile was worth it.
“I’ve been having these dreams,” Eren starts, voice quieter than ever.
“What do you see?” Jean murmurs, rubbing his thumb over Eren’s hand.
“Mostly tall walls and people running,” Eren says. “Sometimes I hear a ziiiiiiip, like air going out of something, and the scenery flies around me. Like I’m flying, but not quite.”
“That sounds fun,” Jean comments.
Eren is silent for a moment before he speaks again. “Sometimes there are monsters,” He sounds pained, like it hurts him to remember. “Sometimes all I see is smoke and steam and I can feel heat all around me.”
Jean isn’t sure what to say. He goes through his words in his head before he speaks. “So are these nightmares?”
“Sometimes.” Eren says simply.
The truth is Eren wasn’t always like this. The first time Jean met Eren, he was loud and abrasive (towards Jean, anyway) and filled to the brim with anger. Then one day it was like someone flipped a switch and Eren changed. He was less loud and more careful, and sometimes he’d just not be there. Like he was away in a different world. Suddenly Eren was different and suddenly Jean fell in love and then he never fell out.
“Sometimes you’re there,” Eren opens his eyes and turns to look at Jean. His eyes are so bright, so green, that Jean has to look away.
“Yeah?” Jean raises his free hand to touch the blanket above them. “What am I like?”
“Annoying,” Eren snorts, and Jean laughs a little. Then he reaches out to touch Jean’s face, and Jean finally looks at him. “But I think, at some point, we fell in love.”
The truth is Jean has always loved Eren, even when they were still enemies. He figures when Eren stopped yelling it was finally quiet enough for him to be able to hear the thoughts in his head. And when he started listening, he found it was full of Eren.
“Like this?” Jean asks quietly, suddenly nervous. “Like now?”
Eren smiles. “No,” He shakes his head, shuts his eyes for a moment. “I don’t think it was like this.”
“That’s a shame,” Jean clicks his tongue. “Right now is perfect.” He grins at the blush on Eren’s face, a bright red that makes his heart beat faster.
“I don’t think we had time to,” Eren explains. He’s so vague that Jean can’t put together any pictures in his head. Eren furrows his brows together. “There was a lot of pain, I remember.”
Jean hates when Eren is like this. Eren is brave, too brave for his own good that he forgets to protect his heart. “Who else was there?” He asks quietly, hoping to change the expression on Eren’s face.
“Armin,” Eren says. “Mikasa. Connie, Sasha, Reiner, Bertl, and Annie.”
Jean remains silent.
“Christa and Ymir,” Eren continues. “Levi, Erwin, Hanji.”
“That’s great,” Jean says. “At least you’re not in it alone.”
“Mm,” Eren mumbles, as if not quite agreeing. Then Jean is silent again. “Marco is there, as well.”
Before Eren was Marco. Jean had thought that Marco was the great big love of his life. But he figures that life works in funny ways and then suddenly Marco was no more.
“And?” Jean prompts him to continue.
“And you loved him, Jean, and then you loved me,” Eren speaks quickly. “But you never got to tell him.” Eren looks him straight in the eyes and Jean realises what he means.
“That’s a shame,” Jean says, stiffness in his voice.
“It was,” Eren says, voice quiet again. “But then you found me.”
Jean is silent, running through his words in his head again. “Then I guess your dreams aren’t too bad,” Jean inches closer towards him. Eren huffs out a laugh.
“Cocky as always, I see,” Eren smiles, running his nose along Jean’s jaw.
“Some things don’t change,” Jean says, then presses his forehead against Eren’s. Eren lets go of Jeans hand and his fingers find their way into Jean’s hair.
“I’m glad,” Eren shuts his eyes. Then he presses his lips to Jean’s.
The truth is Jean is probably never going to figure out why Eren changed. Eren’s probably never going to find out if his dreams are real, if his speculations are true. But the truth is, both of them don’t seem to mind.